To Whom I Belong
by Austwigirl
Summary: Embry's son shows up at the Rez looking for his real father. He has no idea he is about to phase or become part of a scary mythical world. He meets a tribe of people who show him what family is supposed to be. Paul's daughter has spent the last year grieving for Sam's son. The Newbie to the pack imprints on her and she hates it. Will she let love heal her? Sequel to How Hard I Try
1. Summary

**TO WHOM I BELONG**

Rated M for sexual and adult content – inappropriate language and the mention of suicide and cannabis.

Sequel to How Hard I Try.

This is Embry's, Valerie's, Corrine's and Paul's world twenty years later, a story about the new generation of teen wolves and imprints. Some of the old pack has moved away but the Uleys, Lahotes, Atearas and Camerons are still on the Reservation with their children.

OC-OC: Jace Montgomery and Phoenix Lahote.

Jace Montgomery is a troubled yet good-natured eighteen year old who has always known he was different from his family in L.A. He's clearly Native American but he has no clue who his real father is. In the last year of high school he becomes ill and violent, and after a night of stupidity his mother sends him to La Push to stay with her best friend's family on their estate. Jace's life will never be the same again once he meets the Quileute wolf pack and finds out who his father is. Will he find himself and at the same time, find love? Meet Embry Call's son!

Phoenix Lahote was once a fun-loving happy teenager until she lost her best friend and boyfriend, Avery Uley. She's stuck in a very dark place since his death a year ago, unable to accept that he really is gone. And now everyone wants her to move on, but she can't. She's trapped in a world of memories, she resents everyone who tells her to move on and she resents the newbie of the pack who just won't leave her alone. Will love heal her or take her life? Meet Paul Lahote's daughter!

Jace – Embry and Valerie's son (18 September)

Sammy (20), Avery (17), Josie (17) Matthew (12), Lissa (9) – Sam and Emily's

Phoenix (17), Tuari (19), Ruth (10) – Corrie and Paul's

Destiny (16), Hunter and Asher (13) – Jared and Kim's

Eddie (13), Will (11), Sarah (6), unborn twins – Jacob's and Nessie's

Benjamin (23) – Amy's son, Paul's "adopted" son, Leanne's imprint.

 **Playlist**

Just some songs that I listened to while writing this Fic:

Verve – Bittersweet symphony

Rogue wave – Eyes

Oasis – Wonderwall

Alex G – Sarah

The Flys – Got You Where I want You

Coldplay – Yellow, In My Place, Clocks, Lost, The Scientist, Fix You

Band of Horses – Funeral, No One's Gonna Love You

U2 – With or Without You

Bon Iver – Roslyn, Holocene

Fleet Foxes – White Winter Hymnal

Grizzly Bear - Slow Life.

Lykke Li – Possibility

Amadou, Mariam and the Magic Numbers – All I Believe In

Anya Marina - Satellite Heart

Sia - My Love

Chet Faker – I'm Into You

Counting Crows – Colorblind

Sam Smith - Stay With Me

REM - Everybody Hurts

Damien Rice - The Blower's Daughter

 **AN:** Well, I promised a sequel to How Hard I Try and believe me I have tried HARD to deliver. I wrote this fic over about three times, even totally changing it up on the fourth try, but abandoned that and went back to my second idea. I am honestly not sure how you will receive this given that I didn't get much reviews for the first fic but I decided, "F%$k it!" I'm just gonna post it and see what happens - after all that work I owed it to myself! Plus I like to live up to my word so if I promised a sequel I will deliver.

BE WARNED I like ANGST and DRAMA so if you want something sweet and fluffy all the time this ain't for you! That's just not how I roll. I like real life problems and realistic characters who are going through drama with their family and friends and who have to find their way. But I promise that after the first twenty chapters there will be warm and fuzzy moments intermixed with the drama lol. Honestly, even though it was not intended, I think this fic ended up being like New Moon in many ways. I certainly listened to the soundtrack as I wrote. So thanks for sticking with me and I really really really hope you like To Whom I Belong. I am not quite done yet but I am down to the last chapters.

Positive reviews please! PLEASE!


	2. Prologue

**PROLOGUE**

 **Set after graduation from Forks High.**

 **Part 1 – Off to College**

VALERIE

I had four suitcases spread on the bedroom floor, the packing finally getting somewhere. I wasn't taking much clothes because I'd go shopping in Seattle, but I had a lot of favorite shoes and bags that I didn't want to find substitutes for. I was so excited to have my own apartment. I had a spare room so if I found someone to share with, I was allowed to have a roommate. Of course Dad said the person has to be female and extremely studious – a good role model.

 _Whatevs._

The tapping on my sliding door no longer surprised me. I walked over and unlocked it since Constantina had a habit now of making sure it was always locked. Embry stepped in and looked around, and I could see that he was already in a dark mood.

"Almost done?" he asked quietly, a bit forlorn.

"Yeah…um…I'm trying not to take too much. I don't want to have to lug stuff back and forth when I come home to visit."

Embry nodded his head and looked around again. I couldn't help but get an eye full of his gorgeous body. We'd done it so many times now, too many to count, and yet it still was never enough. I loved him, a lot, and it was killing me to leave him behind.

I sighed and walked over to him, pressing my face into his chest. I didn't care if we were technically in a perpetual fight, I just needed his warmth. Thankfully he wrapped his arms around me and gently squeezed us together, then kissed the top of my head.

"It's better this way…" he mumbled.

"What?" I looked up at his miserable, handsome face. He had a sprinkle of stubble growing in and his black hair was messy as usual. I didn't think Embry owned a comb or brush.

"That you leave me rather than I leave you."

I snorted and broke away from his grasp. "Don't start this if you don't want me to drink." I'd been trying so hard to stay sober since we got together. He came to me almost every night just so that I'd never be alone. Honestly I think that did more harm than good because when I moved to Seattle, I'd be alone.

"I'm not trying to start anything, but it's all I think about V. I can't help it, this is too fucking hard."

I knew exactly what he meant. "I'm leaving in two days and we can both carry on with our lives, let's not make this any harder than it already is. Let's not talk about it Breezy, please?"

"Can I stay tonight?" the puppy eyes melted my heart and I nodded. Of course I wanted him to stay. Of course I didn't really want things to end for us – we'd had an amazing eight months in my opinion. But they had to because for whatever reason, Embry wouldn't choose me without doubts. I still didn't understand who his mystery girl was or where she was now – and for some reason neither did he! It was some arranged marriage type thing I had always figured and sometimes when I wasn't bitter I felt sorry that he had no choice over who he wanted to spend his life with.

I just knew that he loved me too and that we needed each other even though this would never be a permanent thing.

It made no sense but it was Us.

After Embry made slow and passionate love to me that night, suitcases abandoned, I cried myself to sleep in his arms.

When I woke up the next morning he was gone, but there was a note on my pillow.

 _I wish I could be there always. Please take care of yourself V, don't forget how strong you are – Love you always, Breezy_

Surprisingly the tears didn't come as I read his chicken scratch a dozen times. Maybe I was too dehydrated to cry, but as I reread his note my heart withered and fell dead like a lump of coal in my chest.

I wouldn't see him again. I could feel it.

I took a deep breath and nodded. My mind was made up.

I was leaving today instead of tomorrow.

If I stayed one more night I'd only try to find him and what would be the point?

There would never be a future for us and it was time that I really, honestly, totally accepted that fact and moved the fuck on.

So Seattle, here I come.

 **Part 2 – Baby Bumps**

It was Christmas break during my third year at the University of Washington and out of best friend duty I drove down to La Push for Corrie's baby shower. Yeap, my bestie was about to be a mama sometime between January and February! I was so excited for her and Paul. I knew how much he had been dying to get their family started from the get-go and now they were happily on their way to having everything.

I tried to be happy and not bitter about it. Not everyone was lucky to find their soul mate.

I hardly saw them unless they came up to Seattle for his business because I made it a point not to go anywhere in the direction of Forks or La Push. I thought I would have been home to visit but when I finally got free of my family for the first year, I didn't want to go back. I realized how bad they were for my mental health and I embraced the idea of being an independent young woman – even if Daddy still footed the bill. I was going well in school so he didn't complain only Mom. But here I was for the first time in a long time. I couldn't miss this event for the world, even though I knew I would see him.

We hadn't spoken since I left for freshman year and honestly, I didn't know what to expect besides seeing Embry with his bride. Corrie never mentioned him getting married or anything, I had just assumed. And I hoped that he was happy now, that one of us had found that happily ever after. I was focused on school more these days as all my attempts at being in a relationship had thus far bombed. No one made me feel the way he did. No man could touch me like Embry Call.

When I walked into their beautiful home nestled in the woods my eyes immediately landed on Corrie's round stomach as she stood talking to her friends in a beautiful white dress with a yellow scarf tied on her head. I had to smile that she still loved her yellow and white theme. Her straight brown hair was still long to her butt and the big gold hoops peeping out were the perfect match with everything. Her skin was tanned darker like raw honey and glowing. I suddenly wished I had brought Patterson from the student magazine. I could have gifted her some amazing photos of her special day.

She was simply a radiant Gypsy-like beauty and I knew that it had everything to do with the man beside her, lovingly stroking her baby bump. I watched as her hand covered his and stilled his movements, while she looked adoringly into his face. My guess what that the baby was kicking. Paul grinned and kissed her lips for a second, whispering that he loved her.

 _Ugh._

In order to stop the jealousy that threatened to consume me, I rushed forward and congratulated the happy parents and rubbed her belly too. I still was really happy for them even though their perfect relationship sometimes made me feel sick and bitter. And they weren't the only ones either! As the day progressed I saw that love was definitely in the La Push air. Sam and Emily who had a toddler were also very mushy. Jared and Kim as well. They all were so damn _together…_

After the stupid pregnancy games and the opening of gifts which I helped with as the best friend and god mother, I slipped upstairs and onto the top deck that Paul had told me so much about earlier. It really was beautiful, the perfect place to just get some air before I left. Last summer he had done more renovations to their little home since his new gym and furniture businesses were doing so well. Paul had cleared a chunk of the forest behind their house and had built two barns and I could see a child's playground in progress. He told me that he was building them a newer and much bigger house in a few years and giving this one to Corrie's cousin Quil and some other friends to live in. To say that I was impressed with his future plans was an understatement. They were still so young, we were still so young. I guess boxing was really paying off.

I heard someone clear their throat behind me as I sipped my wine and slowly turned around. The air was pretty cold and I pulled my coat tighter around me. The alcohol had been doing a fine job of keeping me warm but I suddenly remembered another way that used to keep my perfectly warm and toasty. And it - he - was now standing in front of me.

His dark eyes were the same, his face was the same, everything about Embry Call was the same. He hadn't aged a day in his life, still looking like seventeen instead of someone who was twenty-one.

"Valerie," he said so reverently that it took me by surprise. He was happy to see me apparently. I on the other hand couldn't allow myself to show that I felt a thing.

"Hello," was all I could muster. My body was feeling things that it hadn't felt since I left home three years ago. How could it be that I still felt the same way? I thought I was over him but apparently I wasn't.

"You look so beautiful, WOW, I almost didn't recognize you."

"And you look the exact same, which is crazy. Are you drinking blood or something now?" I teased with a smile.

"Ha, not exactly my thing," he smirked back, yet looking disgusted. Then he closed the distance between us and pulled me into his broad warm chest. His body was still so abnormally hot and calming like hot chocolate and my favorite blankey growing up.

I let him hold me, afraid to hold him back. He still smelled the same and his incredible unnatural warmth was still the best feeling in the world. He was bigger somehow, taller, sturdier, even fucking sexier.

 _Oh Breezy, why were you always such a mystery to me?_ I always felt like there was something weird about Embry, about all his friends.

"I missed you V."

I pushed him away then and shook my head. "It was nice to see you Embry, but I have to go now. I need to get back to Seattle tonight. I've got a project to finish."

He nodded sadly. "So school's going well I take it?"

"Yes, I've got an internship at a magazine in L.A. and I'm transferring over there at the end of this year."

"WOW, California huh? That sounds awesome!" But there was no joy in his eyes as he said it.

"Yeah, it's going to be a big step but I'm ready."

"Congratulations V, you deserve it and more."

I nodded and took a deep breath, not wanting to be thinking of what else I deserved.

"Good bye Embry, take care."

I stepped forward and lightly kissed his cheek. I really don't know why I would do that but it was meant to be a final goodbye. I then turned and quickly went back inside the house and down the stairs to the floor where everyone else was gathered. I wiped the tears away before anyone could catch me in the process of falling apart.

Corrie and Paul were saying goodbye to her mom and brothers. Her dad wasn't around since he moved to Tacoma with his new wife and toddler. Like me and my dad, she didn't really have a relationship with hers. Even with all their success, he still wanted nothing to do with her because she had married Paul.

"I'm going too Baby Mama!" I said happily, drawing her in for a quick hug before I rubbed her blooming bump.

"What? Val no! I thought we'd have a girl's night! I already kicked Paul out of the house for later!"

"I'm sorry babe, but I can't stay! I've got a huge final project due and I need to be at the library tomorrow to meet my group."

"Awwww!" Corrie whined and pouted. "This is my last chance before the baby comes!"

"I'll be here when he comes, I promise I'll come back! It won't be long now."

I could see that I had truly disappointed her and I didn't want to but I had to go. Being here was just too hard.

I said my goodbyes to everyone else and practically ran to my Camry and slipped inside.

As soon as I left the front gate to their property I turned left and almost ran over Embry. I slammed the brakes and cursed. He walked over to the passenger door and climbed in, turning to look at me.

"Drive to my house."

I looked at him in shock, still breathing hard from the fright he gave me.

"Embry I can't! Are you crazy?"

"Yes I am crazy, and I need you, just one more time, please. Just one more time before you leave and never come back Val, that's all I ask."

How did he know I would never come back? I had just promised Corrie I'd be here for the birth of her son. I had to come back. "You don't have the right to ask. And what about your wife or whoever?" I snapped, trying to mask my true feelings of longing.

"I'm not with anyone."

My eyes widened in shock at this. I really didn't expect him to say that.

Did that mean that all this time we…? I couldn't finish the thought, it was too painful.

I was such a fool. I swallowed thickly and for some stupid reason, pressed the gas pedal.

I drove to his house and allowed Embry Call to make love to me like only he ever could.

And then I cried all the way back to my apartment in Seattle knowing that I had just opened up all the old wounds I'd worked so hard to mend…

On June fifteenth I hopped a plane to California the week after moving out of my old apartment and shipping everything to the new one.

Back in La Push, Corrie was at home with her four-month old baby boy and a husband who loved her unconditionally.

I was starting a whole new life in a strange city, six months pregnant and alone.


	3. Lincoln Heights

Thank you cliffdiving101 for your review! I honestly hope I won't disappoint as the story progresses!

Most chapters will be from Jace's point of view especially in the beginning.

No copyright infringement intended on Stephenie Meyer's work!

Chapter 1 – Lincoln Heights

Nineteen Years Later….

JACE

"Jace, bring the fucking beer let's go man!" Ethan called to me from the passenger seat of my shiny black 2000 Mustang. I had used my fake ID as always to get us booze for tonight. I also got some vodka but that was just for me, beer made me too gassy. I had stopped to stare at this hot chick who was putting gas in her car when he called out to me impatiently.

"Hold your fucking horses," I mumbled as I winked at the girl and continued on to mind my own business.

It was Friday, it was summer, and I was done with high school finally. All I wanted to do was get both fucked and fucked up tonight and forget about everything else.

I slid into my car and handed him the booze which he sat between his feet on the car mat. Ethan grinned over at me, pulling a cigarette from behind his ear which he would light as soon as I pulled away from the gas station. He pushed his mop of dirty blonde hair away from his forehead so that it wouldn't get singed by the flame and proceeded to suck on the cancer stick til the stench filled my car. I hated the smell of cigarettes more than the taste but my best friend refused to quit those things. I preferred weed as a rule, but I never smoked it on the road. In fact, I didn't really smoke period - I was a proud owner of a vape pen. Though cigarettes were hard to find these days, Ethan always managed to get some on the "black market."

"It's not worth the risk, if the cops smell that shit, I'm not bailing you out." I told him, like always.

Ethan responded by rolling his eyes at me, like always. "Relax, just keep the windows down."

I worked at a medical marijuana dispensary on the weekends – although my parents thought I had an internship at an advertising agency. Sure I did, a few months ago, but they fired me after I mouthed off at my boss. I couldn't stand the self-righteous prick. I'd developed a problem with authority – my parents and teachers could testify to that on multiple levels. But I didn't care. It's my life and I was gonna do whatever the fuck I wanted, regardless.

We headed over to our other friend Malcolm's house in Lincoln Heights. His parents were never around because they constantly worked, and so he always had weekend get togethers in the basement. Ethan and I walked around to the back of the slightly shabby house where we could already hear the rap music playing. Malcolm fancied himself a DJ and sometimes he'd even throw parties and charge a cover to make extra money. His parents really wanted him to go to the college and make something of himself but he was bent on entering the music industry. Guys like us were growing up in a self-made world, no one needed college to make it in this life unless they wanted to work for Uncle Sam. And none of my friends or I wanted to do that. Fuck that shit. We preferred to call our own shots.

The basement was dark and filled with thick clouds of cigarette and weed smoke, causing my eyes to burn as soon as I stepped inside the dim room.

"Jay!" Malcolm called out to me, I went over and greeted him in our usual way while Ethan proudly held up the case of beer for crowd approval. The other guys from Malcolm's hood were spread around the room with a few girls here and there seated on their laps or leaning against the wall. Most of them were Hispanic, Malcom was half Hispanic and half African-American. Ethan was the only fully white boy in our crew, but no one considered him to really be that, he was just Ethan, always down for whatever, and always the one ready to fuck someone up if they got out of line. He was my friend long before we started hanging with Malcolm. Where I go Ethan follows. He's like a chameleon or something, he just blends in.

I handed over the weed Malcom had asked me to bring for him and accepted his fifty bucks in return, quickly shoving it into my jeans before one of his friends decided to brace me for it – it wouldn't be the first time they asked for a "loan." I was considered the rich kid because my parents were white and we lived in Calabasas. To be fair, my parents were rich but I honestly didn't give a fuck about them or their money. My mother had been lying to me all my life, refusing to tell me who my _real_ father was, which would explain why I looked like a Native American.

It was a mystery to me - one that haunted me every day of my life. And it didn't help that people always asked me what "tribe" I was from. I always felt and looked like an idiot when I responded "The Tribe of None."

She never told me anything about her past, not even about her family back in Forks. That was all I knew, that she originally hailed from some small town in Washington. A place she had never returned to since I was born.

I backed up into a corner and pulled the small bottle of vodka out of my pocket, keeping it in the brown paper bag. I took a long sip until I felt the burning warmth coursing through my veins. I hated the dank basement and the constant Spanish chatter and loud music that filled my head whenever I came over here, but this was the only way I could escape my life, that I could just forget how fucked up things were for me back home.

Aside from the fact that I always had the best weed, could get us beer and owned a sweet-ass ride, these guys were cool with me because I could speak Spanish too. Yeah I was teased for having a Mexican nanny all my life but it was still cool that I could be in on their jokes while Ethan just sat here clueless until I translated for him. Rodrigo, Suarez, Nate and Rico honestly never had shit to talk about but they were always talking, always thinking up some stupid scheme to make money which usually involved them robbing someone. Many a time I had to keep Ethan out of it - we came here to chill, not to get into trouble. I was adamant about that. When I got into trouble, it was by my own damn self, not because of these fools.

I had a bad temper these days. I was always getting into fights with the jocks at school, those assholes who felt they were lords or something because they took steroids and towered over everybody. I played lacrosse with some of them and therefore was forced to form acquaintances but I was not part of their circle. During final year I had a weird yet major growth spurt of my own. I shot up to six foot four and grew muscles out of nowhere. Girls started noticing me more and that made the jocks angry. I wasn't part of their crew and when they tried to recruit me and I refused, it started a war. They slashed my tires, blocked my car in so I couldn't leave after school, they put dead rats in my locker – all types of stupid shit to which I retaliated. Every reaction ended up my fault and I got the blame for their dumbass pranks. I was almost kicked off the team and out of school when I broke Josh Henley's nose but Mom paid a chunk of money towards new sports equipment which allowed me to stay.

"What the fuck is the matter now? Why you over here sulking? Maria's been trying to get your attention for the past ten minutes."

I looked over at Ethan confused. I was already half-drunk on my feet. "Huh?" I said.

 _"Maria,_ dumbass, she's been trying to call you over." Ethan jerked his head to the side and I followed the direction with my own eyes.

Maria Ramirez was this hot-ass chick I'd been fucking the last couple months – no strings attached. As long as I shared my weed and alcohol she was happy. She pursed her bright red lips at me then broke into a smile, straightening her posture so that my eyes were called to the bulging cleavage she loved to display. She wore a white shirt with a deep V-neck and the tightest jeans that showed her thick thighs and apple bottom. Her black hair was slicked back into a ponytail. She had this old school J-Lo style that just pulled me by the balls each and every time.

"So you gonna talk to her or what?"

I shrugged, not feeling the need to rush over to Maria just because she was waiting to drink out the last of my vodka. Still I screwed the cap back on to the bottle and shoved it in my back pocket to give to her later. Right now I just wanted to chill.

All day I'd been trying not to think about the fight I'd had with my mother that morning before she left for work. As usual she and my step-father Brendon wanted me to attend some stupid function at their club. I had no interest in going, but I had to. I always had to. How else could we keep up the charade of the perfect family? I hated the pretense because everyone already knew that I was their "problem child." The fact that most people assumed that I was just some poor adopted Indian kid didn't help much either. That's just one of the rumors those dumb jocks spread about me all over the school which filtered into my parents' high profile community.

After a while of listening to Ethan and Malcolm go on about shit I cared nothing about I decided to pay Maria the attention I knew she was impatiently waiting for. I sauntered over to her, towering over her voluptuous body and planted a wet kiss right on her crimson lips.

"Why you keep me waiting papi?" she asked with a disapproving pout.

I pulled out my vodka and handed it over with a smile. "Sorry babe, I just wanted to chill with the guys for a bit."

Maria unscrewed it and took a huge gulp of the booze, her eyes never leaving my face. "Te quiero…ahora," [I want you now] she said, after wiping her mouth. Her lipstick was smudge proof so it never left her mouth no matter what she was doing. That was one the things that fascinated me about her – seeing her red lips on my dick.

"Vamonos." [Let's go.] Amply aroused I took her by the hand and pulled her up the stairs, knowing it was okay with Malcolm if we used the spare bedroom once we tidied it back up before we left. He had an older sister who had moved out to go live with her boyfriend a while back. I was the only one he let go up there, I guess he trusted me or something of that nature.

I quickly locked the door behind us and Maria wasted no time tugging at my clothes, speaking in hasty Spanish about how much she wanted me to fuck her. Of course I eagerly complied, easily lifting her up and spreading her legs so that I could take her against the wall. She was a noisy lay, always screaming and biting and scratching whenever we did it but I couldn't deny that it stroked my ego. It was better than the sex I had with girls from school. Maria said I was the only one who could make her cum which was the reason I figured she kept coming back for more.

Afterwards I collapsed on the bed, my long legs hanging over the bottom, while Maria curled up against my chest, her acrylic nails trailing the fine black hair on my chest. I felt relaxed, buzzed. My mind was at ease. In that moment I had no fucks to give, at least I didn't until she opened her mouth.

"I was thinking papi…maybe we could go out sometime, like on a date. We could get a bite to eat and go back to my place. My sister wants to meet you."

I stiffened against her. Date? She wanted to date now, not just fuck?

In other words, she wanted me to be her man.

I took a deep breath and tried not to panic, my buzz totally gone with her unexpected request. I liked Maria I guess, but I wasn't looking for a relationship with anyone. Things were too fucked up in my head right now to drag someone else into it. We didn't know each other like that, so she had no idea of the things I struggled with – she didn't know about my temper, my raging uncontrollable urge to beat the fuck out of people for the slightest thing. What if I hurt her?

But still I found myself unable to let her down. Underneath it all, I considered myself to be a nice guy. "Uh, I guess, okay."

"Really?" she perked up and pushed herself up so that we were now face to face.

"Uh, yeah, I guess." I tried not to get distracted by her breasts rubbing against my hot skin. My body was always feverish now. Maria had stopped asking me why when she finally accepted that I had no explanation to give.

"When?" she asked excitedly.

"Uh, I dunno, next weekend maybe?"

"Perfecto!" [Perfect!] she launched into a story about her sister Juanita, whom she lived with along with her three kids and their father Hernando. While she spoke fluent Spanish I casually got up and got dressed, nodding my head and smiling so she'd think I was listening attentively. The truth was that I was a little terrified. I came to Lincoln Heights to escape my stupid life, I didn't want to actually have someone binding me here.

We went back down to the basement and found the others all mellow and stoned. "E, let's go bro," I nudged my best friend's foot. He protested but pulled himself up anyways and followed me out after I said farewell to everyone. I wasted no time starting up the car and getting the hell outta there.

Ethan snored the entire time and it was hell to get him up when I pulled up to his house half an hour later. He didn't live in a very pleasant neighborhood either so I didn't want to stick around too long.

When I got home the house was quiet. It was after one in the morning so I grabbed a quick sandwich from the kitchen and made my way up to my room. I threw myself on the bed and tried to fall asleep without thinking about the promise I'd made to Maria, a promise I didn't know if I could keep.


	4. Snapped

No copyright infringement intended on Stephenie Meyer's work!

Chapter 2 – Snapped

JACE

Saturday morning I woke up with a splitting headache. It had nothing to do with a hangover as I hadn't gone to sleep drunk. The head and body aches started a few months before my eighteenth birthday in September and continued all through senior year til now.

I didn't know what made them start, but I did know that when they started, my body changed. I kept getting bigger and taller and stronger and I couldn't figure out why. With the headaches and growth spurt came the bad temper, and my need for alcohol and weed to keep myself calm. I hardly read or did any of the things I used to do. I stopped playing lacrosse after graduation. Instead, now that school was over and I had no studying to do, I spent my time either at work or hanging out with the guys getting fucked up.

My family hated these changes in me, but what could I do? They didn't really want me around anyways. The only one who cared was Enid, our housekeeper. I got up after smashing the alarm button and walked into my bathroom, where I took a much-needed cold ass shower to wake myself up and grant some relief to my overheated body. I had work in an hour and I couldn't be late.

I pulled on my work tee and covered it with another one and pulled on my jeans and some Nikes. After fixing my hair with some gel I headed down to the kitchen where I found Enid washing the dishes. The smell of breakfast made my stomach growl ridiculously loud. An increased appetite had also been another symptom.

"Morning mi hijo," [my son] Enid called over her shoulder.

"Morning." I went over and pecked her on the head. She barely made it pass my elbow now, she was so tiny.

"You okay?" Enid asked in her thick accent, so her y's sounded like j's.

I nodded and took a seat at the table. I piled on the toast, eggs, bacon and pancakes, covered everything in syrup and began to chow down.

"Your mother wanted me to remind you about the thing tonight at the club, she say make sure you know to be ready for six o' clock."

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. "She has her well-behaved son Tyler, why the heck does she need me for? I don't wanna go."

Tyler was my thirteen-year-old brother, the legitimate child in the family. The apple of Brendon Montgomery's eye – when Brendon made time for him, that is.

"When was the last time you did anything with tu familia? You should want to make tu mama happy, it wouldn't kill you, muchacho. That is not the boy I raised." [tu familia – your family, tu mama – your mother, muchacho – boy]

I sighed and sat back in the chair, hating when Enid sent me on a guilt trip. She could always get me to do whatever she wanted, hence why Mom had played dirty and told her to talk to me. I had a mother but honestly, she didn't care for me like my Enid. Mom was career-driven and that was her first love. Enid had been with us since I was a baby in the belly and Mom moved here from Washington, and I loved her a lot. Our bond was just different, special. Sometimes I think it really hurt Mom but what did she expect when she left me alone with Enid so much? I even knew Spanish for crying out loud!

"I'll go if you make me chicken enchiladas for dinner." I wagered mischievously. Since I had no choice now I could as well get something out of this shit.

Enid clucked her tongue and looked at me with fake disapproval before breaking into a smile. "Si muchacho, now get to work."

I finished up my plate and headed back up to my room to brush my teeth. I knew that Mom was already at work and that Brendon was on the golf course hashing out whatever business deal he was managing right now. I could hear the television going in Tyler's room so I popped my head in on my way back downstairs.

"Hey man," I called.

"Hey," Tyler responded without even turning to look at me. His fingers were going crazy as he worked the controller buttons. I walked in and rumpled his inky black hair.

"Sup?"

"Nothing."

He's pale with dark hair and blue eyes like our mother, but his other features were Brendon's (whom I no longer call Dad just to piss them off). I looked nothing like any of them – I have light red-brown skin, gray eyes and a mop of black hair that is a different texture to theirs. I would say I'm a good-looking dude. I still couldn't figure out why I had gotten better looking after being really sick sometimes. That's why I wasn't so sure about what was really wrong with me – no illness does that! Was I like a fucking Stepford Son or something? Was I bitten by a sexy spider?

"Okay, well, see ya later." I called as I headed to the hallway again.

"You're coming tonight right?" he asked hopefully, this time looking over at me.

I nodded with a grimace and waved as I hurried back down and out to my car. I had fifteen minutes to get to work on time.

I barely made it, I was actually two minutes late. I quickly punched in and went to the backroom where my boss Todd and Linda, the other sales assistant, were unpacking boxes of glass jars. Linda and I would have to label them at some point today.

"Good morning," I said.

They both responded in kind but Linda's eyes took an extra moment to linger over my body. She and I had made out once before in the back office but I never dared to go there again after I found out she was Todd's outside woman. Linda was trouble and I didn't need any help in that department.

The bell sounded and so I rushed out front to serve my first customer for the day. It was old Mrs. Otis who had epilepsy. She had been using cannabis to treat her seizures for some months now and believed that they were getting better. She didn't shake once she was medicated too and it made her life much easier in her old age.

"Morning Jace," she said with a bright yellow smile, pushing her seventies style sunglasses up onto her bleached hair. Her leathery orange skin wrinkled as she pouted her lips and bent over the counter to choose which strain she wanted this week.

"How about Cookie Monster?" I offered. "It's kinda sweet, I think you'd like it." I knew what type of flavor she enjoyed and it would be the right choice.

"Sure, okay, I'll take your word for it," she said in her raspy voice.

"Now have I ever steered you wrong Mrs. Otis?" I asked with a dazzling smile.

"I guess not," she giggled and asked me to dish out a half ounce in addition to a vial of canna oil. I quickly prepared her order and threw in some edibles which I paid for out of my own money. I really liked the old lady and I respected her for seeking a natural treatment despite the stupid propaganda the pharmaceutical industry pushed on the miracle weed (which was coincidentally the name of the dispensary). I liked the feeling I got when I served people like her. I felt like I was doing something good for society. My parents would never understand and they would be livid if they ever found out that this was where I worked, but I didn't care. Cannabis and hemp were the present and future of our world. It was the fastest and biggest industry right now, but a lot of old heads like Brendon were doing their best to keep the old ways – ways that destroyed our environment and air. I had joined a "Go Green" campaign back in senior year and it really made an impact on me and what I thought my life would be like in years to come. I even modified the Mustang to emit less carbon monoxide.

"Get home safely now and have a good day," I told her as I watched her slowly shuffle out the door, her large purse gripped securely in one hand. She looked ready for the beach. Her grandson was in the car waiting as always. I was sure that he enjoyed using his grandma's medication too.

I went back inside and helped with the glass jars until I heard the bell again. It got a little busy after that and before I knew it, I was on my way to lunch. I decided to grab a couple burgers down the street and headed back in. Todd was gone leaving me and Linda to manage the shop til closing time at four. Linda was full time staff while I just came out a few days a week, but I was hoping that since I was done with school that I could work more hours. Technically I wasn't supposed to be working here at only eighteen years old, but since I had my fake ID I was getting away with it pretty easily.

I made it back home with an hour and a half to spare before we had to leave. As per our agreement Enid had a platter of enchiladas in the oven waiting for me. I wasted no time eating the whole thing, leaving only one for Tyler to have in case he wanted some. Hey, I was a growing boy, and everyone in the house knew that enchiladas were my favorite.

Once in my room I rummaged around the closet to see what I could wear to the club. I hated mingling with my parents' stuffy friends they played golf and tennis with, but what could I do? There were bound to be kids from school as well, not that I really had much friends to shout about. Tonight was bound to be torture.

"Jace?" my mother called out while tapping on the door.

"Yeah?" I called which permitted her to enter. Luckily I had already taken off and hid my work shirt. I washed them late at night when Enid was locked away in her room watching her telenovelas.

"Oh good, wear your gray dress shirt and those black slacks from Hilfiger I got you."

Of course, no 'hello, how are you,' just orders on how to dress to impress. I couldn't understand how she could be so indifferent to me now. As if all that had happened in the last year was something I deserved to be punished for, not helped with. It was as if the sudden need to buy clothes two or three times my regular size was no issue for her. She never questioned or commented, one time when I asked her what was wrong with me she just gave me this sad look and told me that I was "maturing so fast."

Just thinking about it made me feel really warm and I knew that if I didn't stop thinking about it, I would start to feel sick again – or get so angry that I'd wreck the room. That was usually the first sign, a sudden heat that would drench me in sweat, that led to headaches and joint pains. And quite frankly I _really_ didn't want to grow anymore. Six foot four was enough for me.

"Sure Mom," I muttered.

"And your father and I expect you to be on your best behavior."

I rolled my eyes before turning to face her. Her face was already perfectly made up and her black hair piled in a bun, but she wore a silk robe and bedroom slippers that were fluffly with little heels on them.

"Don't worry, I wouldn't want to embarrass dear old _Brendon."_

 _"Ugh!"_ she grunted in frustration. "Do NOT call your father that in front of our friends tonight, do you hear me?"

"He's not my father, but don't worry, I don't intend to call him _anything_ in front of his friends."

I knew I was being rude but I couldn't help it, I could feel the heat rising in my body now and if I was to prevent myself from having another episode I needed to hit the shower soon and cool off.

"God, when will you stop this? Brendon has been a father to you since you were FIVE years old! He's the only man who has ever cared about you, so you need to stop acting like a little spoiled brat. Honestly Jace! I don't understand why you're acting this way!"

"Because you won't tell me anything!" I yelled, a lot louder than I intended to, it took nothing to make my temper flare. "You say he's the only man who ever cared, but why was that? What happened to my real father? Where is he? Why did he give me up?"

Mom took a step backwards before tugging on her robe and straightening her posture. I could see her walls going up, she'd never answer me no matter how many times I asked for the truth. The past had been a closed book my entire life and even though I was basically going through a hard change, she still had no interest in helping me.

"I deserve to know who he is, who I AM!" I pushed out of desperation.

"Jace I'm so tired of you bringing this up! You only have ONE father, and you need to accept that. Now go get ready, we're leaving soon." With a cold shoulder, she turned and walked away, leaving me standing there in a mental fog of anger. Neither of us had seemed to notice when I broke my hanger in two. I threw the clothes she wanted me to wear on the bed and went to take that cold shower. I could feel the headache coming on and no matter how I tried to soak my head under the freezing water it didn't help. The last thing I wanted was to go somewhere. I needed a drink and a vape.

After I toweled off, shaved and fixed my hair to perfection, I pulled out my vape pen and took a few hits until I felt calm. I couldn't survive this without it.

"You can do this," I told myself when I was fully dressed and looking at the full-length mirror.

My plan was to just hold a wall until I found someone interesting to talk to. I would keep out of sight and out of everyone's way. That was the safest plan to stay out of trouble. Although I resented my parents I had no intentions of causing them trouble tonight. I just didn't have it in me. They thought I had been acting out in the last year, but I wasn't really. Although I was pissed about not knowing my biological father, it was the symptoms, everything bad that kept happening was because of whatever this was that was going on inside of me. Sometimes the anger felt like a living breathing thing encased in my chest, like some alien creature that had taken over my body.

I wished I could explain myself to Mom but I didn't know where to start. Plus, she'd never believe me.

And she certainly wouldn't agree with me. I had this weird stupid notion that only my real father could help me now. I had to look just like him since I didn't look like her, so maybe there were other similarities. I needed him. Something in me honestly and truly believed that.

I needed HIM, the ghost that haunted me all my life.

When it was time to go I met the family downstairs, avoiding Brendon's analytical gaze as he observed my ensemble. "Couldn't you take that thing out of your ear?" he asked coldly, referring to the small silver cross I wore in my left ear.

"Just leave it Brendon, let's just go," my mother huffed, arranging her pashmina around her shoulders as she guided Tyler through the door.

"Have a good time!" Enid called to the four of us as she closed the door behind me. I wanted to run back in and lock myself in my room, but without a word, I got into the backseat and tried not to complain about how cramped my legs were back there. I would have preferred to drive myself over, but then that wouldn't look the part of the 'happy family,' now would it?

I hated the fact that my parents felt like they had to prove something to the world. After two hours of listening to both Mom and Brendon prattle on about themselves I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't take another photograph of fake smiles or another stupid conversation about my plans for the future. It was nobody's business. I was technically supposed to be doing engineering but recently I had realized that I didn't want to be the shirt-and-tie, get-a-real-job type of engineer even though after college, it would be expected of me. I knew Brendon's patience with me was about to run out any day now.

Honestly, I found myself wanting to work with cannabis. I wanted to open my own grow house and develop new strains that would cater to specific illnesses. There were endless possibilities and many products already out there, but I still felt like I could contribute something. I wanted to explore biofuels that would replace fossil fuel and solar energy that would reduce the need for electricity. I wanted to design machinery that would use such natural technology. If I had my way, I'd be a full-out hippie engineer living in the forest, I would have my own eco-community, a self-sustaining farm. It would be a teaching commune, where students could come and learn about how to change the world. I had tried to go vegan much to my mother's horror (given that designer clothing, her specialty, was anything but animal or earth-friendly) but that stopped when the fever started. I had this craving for meat now that I was bigger and it sickened me to death if I thought about it too hard.

"Hey handsome," a voice that could only be Tina Marshall's called out to me. I was outside around the back of the conference hall where the soiree was being held. I had my vape pen discreetly in my palm. It was legal but still frowned upon by these uppity stiffs.

I turned to see her learning against the wall, her hip stuck out to the side, advertising her many assets.

"Hey beautiful," I called back. Her red dress hugged all the right places, leaving little to the imagination. It should be illegal to look that good in a kid-friendly zone. Tyler would be drooling right now if he were here.

"Why are you hiding back here?" she asked, popping her gum and pouting her cherry red lips at me. Her tanned skin looked so creamy and smooth I had to tear my eyes off her and focus on not making a complete fool of myself.

"Just needed some air," I said casually, as if I wasn't freaking out on the inside.

Tina was the hottest girl in school and while I was okay talking to girls, she made me all tongue-tied just by breathing air next to me. I had wanted her for years but she never gave me the time of day before. I caught the movement of her swiping her curly brown hair over one shoulder before she stepped a little closer. I could smell her perfume, Ralph Lauren I was sure – with a mother in fashion I knew these things.

"Wanna play?" she looked up at me, a foxy smile on her lips which I immediately returned.

"Sure," I said coolly, while mentally I fist pumped about ten times and screamed at the top of my lungs.

"Meet me by the pool house in five," she answered with a smile, then strutted away.

Holy shit! Was this really happening? Was Tina Fucking Marshall asking me to make out?

I didn't watch her go, just so that the other teenage eyes that were watching us just now, wouldn't know how fricking ecstatic I was right now.

The truth is, I was setting myself up for trouble.

She used to be Jon Chaney's girl, but they broke up a couple months ago before graduation. They were the typical jock-cheerleader pair, high-school sweethearts. Every girl wanted to be Tina and every guy wanted to be like Jon – except me of course. Jon was the kind of guy who acted like he owned a woman. I couldn't stand him to be honest, but we kinda hung out sometimes through mutual friends and events at the country club. At school we were rivals, he was part of the crew that had made senior year miserable for me.

"Jon is gonna string you up by your balls if you even breathe on that girl. She's jail bait, forget about it."

I heard the miserable, and always sarcastic voice of my best bud Ethan behind me. I turned around and grinned at him.

"So you saw that huh?" I grinned as he dragged on his electronic nicotine cigarette. Ethan worked as a pizza boy, pool boy and also a waiter and valet here at the club - that's how we first met back when I was fourteen. He was dressed in his white shirt and black pants, his hair gelled back away from his face, which it never was outside of his job. He wasn't as big and muscular as I was now, but was rather skinny and grungy looking – as was his preferred style. Ripped dirty jeans, some rock band t-shirt and a hoodie were his uniform when not in actual uniform. He hated this job but it paid well and Ethan always needed the money to take care of his mom and sister.

"Don't be stupid Jace, not for her. Not for Tina Marshall, she isn't worth your neck dude. And think about Maria." He rolled his mossy green eyes at me. But I was feeling pretty special with myself so not even his mood would bring me down.

"But you know how I feel about her, dude. And how the fuck do I know that Maria doesn't fuck other guys?" Tina was so hott I just wanted to fuck her, even if it was only once. She had been my dream girl for years and achieving that would be the perfect way to seal off high school. Me sleeping with Tina had nothing to do with what went on with Maria on weekends.

"I'm telling you, it's still a stupid idea Jace. Why are you trying to end your life bro? Don't I make you happy?" I shot him a look which made him chuckle.

"You're supposed to encourage me, that's what bros do for bros."

"I'm not gonna support a death mission Jace!"

"Just relax. Anyway I gotta go, she said five minutes."

"Don't come crying to me when Jon rips you to shreds okay?"

"Pssh, whatever man, he's not gonna find out." I held my fist up for a pump which Ethan reluctantly gave me, then slipped away onto the path that would take me to the pool house.

No one was around so I quickly slid inside where it was dark, but I dared not turn on the light to call attention to myself.

"Looking for me?" Tina made this throaty laughing sound that made my dick jerk a little. Everything about her was super-sexy and confident. I held out my hands but couldn't find her. Then she started moving and I turned toward the sound of her heels.

"You want me Jace Montgomery?" she asked in the darkness.

"Yeah."

"For a long time right?"

"Yeah."

"You'd do anything I want you to do to me?"

"Yeah," I answered a third time, liking where this was going.

"I want you to suck my pussy hard."

My eyes popped open. I didn't have much experience in that department, but I would try anything to please her.

"Okay," I stuttered, clearing my throat.

I felt her hands grab my arms and I quickly wrapped them around her waist, pulling her to me so that I could taste her lips. She tasted of champagne. I heard her pull the bottom of the dress up to her hips with a giggle.

"I just love how you look at me every time you see me Jace, like I'm the perfect girl."

"You are," I declared rather hoarsely. She had noticed me staring huh?

She chuckled and shook her head, "Silly Jace."

She kissed me once again on my lips with a smacking sound. But I didn't want it to stop there. I kissed her again, this time longer, and allowed my hands to roam all over her ass, squeezing it firmly.

"Ugh!" She moaned. "Jace!" The breathy way she said my name made my body quiver.

I pulled the top of her dress down and sucked her bare nipples, making them pebble in my mouth. Shit they tasted so sweet. I tried to pull her thong down but ended up ripping it off instead which caused her gasp and suddenly attack my lips. We fell back against the wall, her bottom half completely naked. I moved my hands up her thighs and to her ass again, sliding one finger inside her pussy. It was wet and ready.

"Jace, I want you to _suck_ me," she moaned after breaking away from our kiss.

I moved us over to the first flat surface I could find in the dark and put her to sit, tweaking her nipples as I moved down and positioned my lips over her clit. I held her legs in place as I set to work on making her feel good, enjoying every groan and wiggle she made. She was perfectly waxed, not a single hair in sight and it definitely made the job easier but it felt weird at the same time.

I heard a clicking and tapping noise but I didn't really register what was going on because I was too busy enjoying myself. After this she was sure to want to fuck, and I couldn't wait. I was locked and loaded in a major way. Maybe she'd even give me head, everyone knew that Jon Chaney was big on that.

I mentally rolled my eyes not wanting to think of that asshole right now. He was going to play varsity football in New York this fall. Sayonara was all I had to say!

"Jace?"

"Mmmm?"

"Do you like sucking my pussy?"

I paused for a split second, taken aback by her dirty talk "Mmmhmmm."

"Does it taste really good?" she asked again.

"Mmmhmmm."

"Oh! You're doing such a good job, don't stop!"

I started massaging her legs, moving in for the kill now. She started to moan louder and quiver and finally her legs shook so uncontrollably that I knew she was cumming for ME. She was panting hard and tearing at my hair with her long red nails.

Fuck, she was totally ruining my hair.

"Ugh! Jace," she breathed. "I'm cumming!"

Newsflash, I already knew and was mentally tapping myself on the back for a job well done.

I moved upwards now, kissing her neck and her nipples again when the door suddenly burst open.

"TINA!"

Jon Chaney's angry voice and flooded the room and I sprang back in disbelief.

This was NOT happening!

"Jon!" Tina shrieked and started pulling her dress both up and down to cover herself.

"What the fuck are you doing!" Jon bellowed at the both of us.

"What the fuck are YOU doing!" I yelled back, suddenly getting really pissed at his intrusion. She was not his girl anymore! He couldn't fucking mess up MY moment! They'd broken up months ago!

Jon's response was to punch me in the jaw and the stomach, at which Tina screamed again.

I crashed into something which really hurt my back, but which only propelled me forward back into Jon. I socked him right in the nose, satisfied with the crunching noise I heard. He cried out in pain and tried to hit me back but I was too quick for his swing.

The heat had taken over my body and the adrenaline was pumping hard in my veins. A red screen covered my eyes and -

I. Just. Snapped.

I started punching him repeatedly in the face until I felt people ripping at my arms and clothes, trying to break us up.

"What the fuck are you doing Jace!" A guy I was cool with named Ranger shouted, trying to push me against the wall.

"He fucking started it!" I yelled back, shoving him off of me.

"So you wanna kill him?!"

Jon's stupid minions started ganging up on me and I found myself fighting off five guys at once. I didn't know what the fuck to do but run. I dipped through the crowd of teenagers and ran around the front of the building where all the cars were parked. Seeing my bloodied state and torn clothing, a valet named Steve asked me if I was okay and I told him I needed to get out of there. But I hadn't driven my car! FUCK!

The first car I saw was Jon's gleaming new Mercedes. The back window was down and I could see a whole bunch of equipment (he played multiple sports) and I dunno what happened, I swear to God, but I grabbed the baseball bat that was sticking out and just started to smash everything – the windshield, the windows, the doors, the hood, the lights. I fucking ruined it.

Was I drunk and panicked? Was I vindictive? Was I just bat-shit crazy?

I think it was all of the above.

"What the fuck are you doing?!" Ethan screamed at me trying his best to pull me back as Steve snagged the bat and threw it away.

"Call the cops!" I heard someone scream. I bent over, holding my head which was pounding now. I could feel blood running from my forehead too. I couldn't explain to anyone the destructive rage that had consumed me the moment Jon burst into the pool room and ruined my chances with Tina, but this was the consequence.

He shouldn't have done that. Then his face would still be perfect and his car would still be intact.

I heard shrieks and people yelling about what I had done to Jon's car and pandemonium broke out as everyone flooded outside to look at the mess I'd created.

"You're fucking insane!" Someone shouted.

"Come on!" Ethan screamed and started sprinting off. I had no choice but to follow as I knew that another fight would break out again.

"GET IN THE CAR!" Ethan yelled at me while flinging the passenger door of his old Civic open for me. I stumbled my way over and slid inside – but not without banging my head on the way in. That was sure to raise an egg. We pulled off just as the guys started to bang on the trunk and windows. I heard Ranger and the guys running and screaming at me to come back.

"FUCK! Drive!" I screamed all the while praying the car wouldn't be wrecked in the process.

"Are you alright? Fuck I think you cracked your skull dude!" Ethan half cried and half laughed.

"Just keep your eyes on the fucking road!" I moaned as I rubbed the spot as hard as I could to lessen the pain. My headache was raging fire now.

"Dude! What the fuck was that?" Ethan asked, with a big hungry smile and wide eyes.

"I have NO fucking idea."

What the fuck had I REALLY just done?


	5. Punishment

No copyright infringement intended on Stephenie Meyer's work!

Chapter 3 - Punishment

JACE

I stumbled through the front door and fell flat on my face in the foyer.

"Ah fuck!" I hissed, rubbing my knee. But what did it matter now?

I was as good as dead.

No I was a dead man walking.

I was dead on so many levels, I didn't know which adult to be most afraid of: Mom, Dad, Jon's parents, his coach or…Enid? I groaned. Enid would skin me alive tomorrow. Or was it later today?

I picked myself up off of the ground, hearing Ethan drive away. Somehow, after puking all over myself and the floor somewhere downstairs I managed to make it to my bedroom, now a barf and bloody mess.

I was in the middle of pulling off my disgusting shirt when the bedroom door suddenly banged open and Mom came charging in.

"WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!" she literally screeched, making my ears hurt. They had obviously left the scene of the crime right after I did.

"Mom relax! It was an accident! I swear to God!"

"An accident? You destroyed Jon Chaney's car! His brand new expensive Mercedes! You beat him to a pulp! You totally EMBARRASSED me and your father in front of the entire club! I'm not going to RELAX, JACE! They could charge you with assault and damaging personal property! Do you have any idea how much this will all cost us to fix! The police could be looking for you!"

"Mom I'm sorry, fuck! I'm sorry! I honestly didn't mean for any of this to happen! He attacked ME first!" I wailed, clasping my hands in front of me, pleading for her to understand.

"It's your word against his and who do you think they're going to believe huh?! You've NEVER been so irresponsible before! It's like I don't even know who you are anymore! How could you DO THIS?"

I dunno why but the anger surged hard as she screamed at me, and I couldn't keep back my bitterness towards her any longer. It's like this argument was opening a flood gate of other arguments she and I needed to have. The police wouldn't believe me over Jon because he was white and I was not – well not fully. They wouldn't believe that I had acted in self defense when they compared his face to mine either.

I stepped up close, looking down on her face, practically chomping at the bit, ready for a fight.

"Well maybe I'm like my fucking FATHER! The mystery man you care to tell me NOTHING about!"

I watched my mother's eyes grow huge and round before she hauled off and slapped me straight across the cheek.

She winced in pain and I knew she'd hurt herself, but I hardly felt anything. It didn't hurt, it just really really pissed me off.

"Are you gonna slap me because I mentioned HIM? I have a right to know to who he IS! He's MY FATHER!"

"NO JACE! You already know who your father is! Brendon Montgomery is your father! He is the ONLY MAN who has EVER been YOUR FATHER! How many times do I have to say the same thing!"

"He is NOT!" I don't know why but my body acted on its own accord. My arms - which suddenly felt heavier and bigger - shot out and grabbed my mother by the shoulders and shoved her into the wall.

"Omph!" Was the sound my mother made as the wind knocked out of her. I watched her sink to the ground in pain, holding the back of her neck.

"MOM!" I cried before I dropped to the ground beside her. "Mom I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I-I dunno why I did that! I'm sorry Mom, are you okay?" I reached out to help her up but she slapped me away.

"Don't Jace! Just don't touch me!"

She was crying now and her entire body turned extremely red.

I'd fucking slammed my mother into a WALL!

"ARRGGH!" I clawed at my hair and pushed off from the floor. I hated myself so much that I was seeing red, and I needed a release. My fist came up and slammed into the very same wall, going right through it.

"JACE!" Mom cried, and suddenly the anger faded. My vision cleared and I saw the gaping hole in front of me.

Did I just do that?

"What the hell is going on in here!" Brendon came crashing in the room. He looked at me and the hole with his mouth wide open then saw where Mom was on the floor. "Valerie?!" he ran to my mother and picked her up off of the ground – with some difficulty – but I was rather impressed. It wasn't like he wasn't fit though. Our home gym had top of the line equipment.

"My neck," Mom whimpered. "I need my brace, my pills and a glass of wine." Still she wasn't too hurt to boss someone around.

"Alright baby," he shushed her with a kiss to her forehead.

She'd been in a car accident three years ago that still gave her bad neck pains sometimes and I'd fucking aggravated it! He and I both hated to see her take those pills and her nightly bottle of wine.

"What the hell did you do to your mother!" he hissed at me. "You ungrateful little fuck! It's only because I called Tom that the police aren't here right now! I should let them take your ass to jail for the night!"

"No Bren! He didn't mean it!" Mom interjected, much to my surprise.

"He didn't mean it? I'm not so sure! He's reckless, he could have seriously hurt you! Jon's face is totally smashed his father said! He's in surgery as we speak!"

"Let's talk about this in private," Mom said with a definitive tone.

Brendon swore and marched out of the room after casting a disgusted glance in my direction.

"Dad I'm sorry, it was an accident!" I shouted at his retreating back anyway.

But I just couldn't explain it to anyone. I couldn't blame it on hormones, and yet this is what it really felt like. She had every right to yell at me, I had done some serious shit tonight! But just like earlier with Jon, I just had this uncontrollable urge to lash out and I couldn't stop myself. I was just really pissed off at the world.

What had I done?

I still couldn't figure it out myself. I had literally just snapped in a fit of rage. I had harmed my own flesh and blood.

I stood there in the middle of my room looking around at the mess I'd created: a huge fucking hole in the wall that Brendon would make me pay for myself.

Fuck!

My guts felt queasy and my energy went from raging bull to sleeping snail. I crashed onto the bed and closed my eyes, my body needing the escape.

Somehow I managed to go to sleep with no trouble at all. My body was thoroughly drained of all energy.

But I woke up to the sound of arguing when I just needed peace and quiet. If they didn't stop yelling soon I might blow a gasket and do something stupid.

Then I remembered last night.

I had already done something stupid. _Two_ stupid somethings to be exact, maybe three if counting in Tina.

Shit, no wonder they were fighting.

But why were they arguing out in the hallway where Enid or Tyler could see them? They were very private people, as a rule.

I got up from the bed, my body feeling sore and hot again. I felt like crap and smelled like crap. My throat was a furnace and there was an incessant hammering in my head. It wasn't a hang-over. I'd had them before and this was ten times worse. But I needed to use the bathroom so I painfully walked into the adjoining room and had to sit on the toilet, too sore to stand. When I came back out Enid was picking up dirty clothes to take to the wash.

"AH, your head! Give me those clothes they are soaked with sweat, vomit and blood and you stink! That means the sheets gotta go too so you might as well take a shower, mi hijo!"

The little Mexican Queen Bee started to strip my bed giving me no choice but to get up for the day.

I could hear my parents arguing still but Enid pretended not to hear a thing.

"They still out in the hallway?" I asked her casually.

Enid stopped and looked at me confused. "They talk in the bedroom not the hallway. La puerta esta cerrada." ["the door is closed"]

The door was closed?

"O-Oh." I fumbled and backed into the bathroom, closing myself inside. I could still hear them!

What the fuck was happening to me?

I had fucking antenna ears!

I groaned and just leaned against the door gathering breaths, but I couldn't ignore the words anymore, so I started to listen.

" _He hurt you! And you're telling me I'm over-reacting? Do you have any idea how much money I now have to spend on his fucking mistakes - the car, the boy's medical bills? You're lucky I convinced them not to press charges! The club doesn't need this bad press. The police were all set to come over here! Now I have to put up with that prick Tom Chaney for golf and poker, you know he wants to steal my clients! He's the last person I need on my back Val!"_ Dad argued, instantly capturing my full interest. It felt as if my ears were adjusting to pick up more volume. I could hear Enid in my room fixing things up and I wanted to tell her to be quiet so I could listen better.

" _Well let him go to Washington until this whole thing blows over_ ," Mom pleaded.

" _Let him go to Washington? Are you mad? We had an agreement Val and this is certainly NOT going to uphold that! Lord knows WHY you would even suggest that!"_

 _"He's eighteen now Brendon, at some point things will change and we can't stop him from finding out, We can't control him, so let him go since he wants to know so badly. The guys there can straighten him out! I know they can get through to him. God knows the Reservation is probably just what he needs!"_

 _"What he needs is to respect me and this family! How dare he embarrass me like that! It's bad enough you let him do whatever the fuck he wants Valerie! You know I'm the laughing stock now! Honestly I don't know why I put up with your foolishness sometimes!"_

 _"Just trust me Brendon. Let him go, I think the space will do us all some good and teach Jace a valuable lesson."_

" _You know what? Let him go, but whatever happens, it's on you. Let me just remind you of what's at stake here."_

What were they talking about? I didn't know what half of it meant but I knew that I was being shipped off somewhere. Was I going to my mother's family in Washington? What was the 'Reservation'?

I was clueless but suddenly going on a vacation seemed to be the answer to my problem. I was in a funk and a change of weather and scenery was probably exactly what I needed. I wanted to get away from everyone and everything. After what I had done last night, I needed to go.

I jumped into the shower feeling pretty relieved about things. I would be ready to go with no problem, but that meant cancelling on work at such short notice and that sucked. I would probably lose my job altogether.

The water hitting my back and shoulders was exactly what I needed. I alternated between cold and hot and it soothed the aches and pains away. And there was nothing like brushing your teeth after a shower.

"Why you take so long? I need those dirty clothes!" Enid grumbled at me when I finally stepped out of the bathroom. I grabbed them from the bathroom floor and put them in the basket, giving her a kiss.

"Bueno, this is my Jace. Go downstairs and get some breakfast, si? You been bad boy, mashing cars and puking on my floor but I know that Jon is bad news so I make your favorite. Just don't do it again okay?" [Bueno-good]

I sighed and gave Enid a hug. "Lo siento. Te amo." ["Lo siento - I'm sorry, Te amo - I love you."] I was shocked she hadn't hit me with a wooden spoon or something. "I didn't mean to do it E, he hit me first and I just lost it."

"I know muchacho, I know you wouldn't hurt anyone willingly. But we have to find out what is going on with you, no? You change so much I worry for you. Go take some tablets for your head before breakfast, si?"

"Okay." At least I had someone who was concerned about me. I could always count on Enid to be there. I left her in my room and made my way down to the kitchen. I used the servant stairs so I wouldn't see anyone, and slipped into the kitchen through the laundry room and pantry. A mountain of French toast, sausages and fruit waited for me.

God I loved Enid! She took such good care of me. French toast was like my favorite for breakfast.

When I was done eating and watching some sports television using the flat screen on the kitchen wall I went back to my room – finding it spotless. I found my phone charging next to my bed and checked my messages.

I had a shitload of missed calls from Tina, Ranger and Thomas.

What did they want to tell me? What would I say in self-defense?

I checked my text messages instead.

 _Tina: Call me as soon as you get this._

 _Ranger: That was foul bro._

 _Thomas: I can't believe you did that to Jon, NOT COOL._

 _Ethan: Legendary shit bro. But you should have listened to me! Tina recorded audio of you going down on her and sent it to Jon._

 _Unknown: You're dead._

HOLY FUCKING SHIT THAT BITCH!

And who the fuck gave Jon my number? That Unknown had to be him.

Tina had totally fucked me over! She had used to me to get back at that asshole! All the questions while I was going down on her? She fucking set me up just to get back at her muscle-headed ex!

I could have gotten arrested!

I sat on my bed, my heart racing as I literally tried to replay what had happened last night. If I had only looked up when I heard that clicking noise I would have caught her and saved myself this wrath.

A quick rap on the door broke me out of my freak-out moment in time for my mom to step into the room. I could smell her flowery perfume as it filled the place, burning my nose.

I turned to face her. Her jet black hair was pulled over one shoulder, falling over her chest. She was trying it long for now but I knew she'd cut it soon, she liked it short because it was less maintenance. Her dark blue eyes were sad but I could see that she was still upset with me. She ran her red nails down her pants suit and took a deep breath, seeming to age right before my eyes.

"Jace your father and I have decided to send you on a trip for the rest of this vacation, six weeks." She looked at me, expecting me to react negatively, but I just stood there with my arms folded, listening. Her brows raised and she started to pace a little, her tan heels barely sinking into the carpet. "I think you should go to the Quileute Reservation. You leave tomorrow morning." With her back straight as a pin she looked up and into my eyes and waited for my reply.

"The what? Who am I going to stay with?"

"This is the name of the person you can contact, I don't have his number but this is his name, just ask someone when you get to town. The number on the back is an old friend of mine Corrine Lahote. If you can't find him then call her and she'll help you."

Embry Call, the paper said.

"Who is he?"

"Who do you think?"

I stared at her for a few moments, my heart racing as I processed what was going on. "This is my father?" I whispered.

"Yes. Since you want him so much, I think it's best you go find him. If you think he can help you, then I won't stand in your way any longer. I can't do this anymore, so it's best that you just go and sort this out before school starts."

I nodded, unable to find the words. I wasn't exactly grateful to her, because she wasn't doing this out of love, she was doing this to get rid of me since I had messed things up so badly.

I cleared my throat, pushing down the lump of tears that burned. "Look, I'm sorry about last night Mom. I never wanted to hurt you, I just couldn't control it."

My mother nodded sadly, pursing her ruby red lips before coming over to me and touching my face. Her palms were cool against my face, a comforting feeling.

"So warm…" she murmured, while staring at the various features on my face. It was as if she was remembering something.

"I've been getting this fever and these headaches…and I feel so angry and sick sometimes. I dunno why it happens Mom. Last night, everything I did…I- I wasn't myself. I know it sounds like an excuse but I swear, it really wasn't me. It's like a hormonal thing I think, either that or I'm dying from some disease."

I hated that tears had come to my eyes. But in that moment I was a desperate boy who didn't want to hurt his mother. I was being sent away for what I did to her and Jon and a part of me just knew that it wasn't really my fault. "You believe me right?" I asked her, even sounding like a little kid.

"Honestly Jace, I do. That's why you need to go. I think that being there can help you. But you're not dying, that much I know."

"How exactly?" I was curious and anxious, I wanted to know what was going on so badly.

"I don't know any details, but I think that Embry can help. Just…trust me on this. I think he'll know what to do. You're so much like him Jace, I-" she choked and looked away.

"What?" I asked hungrily, needing to hear her talk about the man who gave me life. This was the most I'd ever gotten out of her before.

Embry. His name was Embry.

"Nothing, just go and find him."

I nodded, disappointed, and stared at the carpet. "I'm surprised that you want me to go see him."

"This is not what I want Jace, but I don't know what to do anymore. I'm hoping that he will be the answer to this problem." Mom stepped closer and brought her arms around me, much to my surprise. I couldn't remember the last time she'd held me. I melted into her hug, hanging my head on hers. "I love you Jace, no matter what happens, you're still my baby boy."

"I love you too Mom."

And your baby boy's scared.

Ethan came over that night to see if I was still alive. He told me about all the gossip he'd seen online about last night - how all the girls were talking about me being good at 'going downtown.' It was fucking embarrassing. I didn't want to be known as some rug muncher.

"I'm leaving for Washington in the morning bro. Mom finally gave me my father's name and she wants me to go find him."

"Seriously? Whoa dude, that's good but fucking scary. What if he's some drunk or asshole?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "Then he's a drunk or asshole, I dunno."

"So what did Jon's dad say?"

I wasn't ready to change the topic of conversation in my head but I answered him anyway. "I dunno but honestly I don't care. Jon's a fucking asshole. He and Tina are perfect for each other."

"She was always a bitch - I told you a million times you were wasting your time trying to hook up with her."

I rolled my eyes. "I know." But she was hott.

"It's gonna suck without you here. Are you going to call Maria?"

"Nah, I mean, I dunno. Yeah, I guess I will. We were supposed to go out next week. But I don't think it makes sense to let things go on between us." I didn't want to come across as a total jerk. I should never have told her I would take her out and meet her sister.

"She fucking wants you dude, she'll be crushed."

I sighed and shrugged. I felt bad but given the shit going on in my life, I just couldn't put Maria any higher on my list of fucked up priorities. "I know but she'll get over it, just like they get over you when you dump 'em." I knew I was being cold and cruel but I just had to be. Nothing could keep me here now.

"True," Ethan smiled his ego showing its ugly head for a moment.

We made a little more small talk before Ethan left.

Honestly I couldn't wait to get out of here. I needed answers to all the questions that were floating around in my mind. Who was Embry Call? What was he like? Would he really help me? Would he want me? Would we have things in common?

I was both excited and scared but I knew that I was ready for whatever came next.


	6. La Push

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Chapter 4 – La Push

JACE

I entered the Quileute Reservation into my GPS, as I had decided to drive up to Washington instead of fly. I preferred to have my own wheels so that I could do as I wanted. It would take me almost a full twenty-four hours if I drove straight up the coast, but obviously I'd have to stop whenever I needed to sleep along the way. I figured that I'd make it in two days. The Mustang was in good condition so I wasn't worried, it would only need gas.

Tyler was upset that I was leaving so suddenly. Of course he wanted to come, but he couldn't and he had no idea what I was going to do. Mom had told him some tale about me travelling for an internship. Whatever, I didn't care. Brendon wasn't there to see me off which was no surprise. And Enid cried and hugged me a hundred times while Mom just stood there watching us with no expression. I thought she would at least show some concern for my safety on the drive up but she was calm and collected as always. Thankfully Enid packed me two coolers full of meals and sandwiches, fruit, snacks, soda and water. She didn't want me eating 'disgusting diner food' as she called it.

"Jace, call us every few hours to let us know you're okay, especially tonight. Make sure and stop somewhere safe to sleep. No motels, use a proper hotel, just put it on your card, it has more than enough money on it for whatever you need while you're gone."

"Yes mother," I said in the same clipped and emotionless tone as her. She regarded me for a moment, as if she were about to bite my head off but instead just hugged me stiffly and said good bye. Her earlier loving attitude had been a glitch in the robot machinery.

I was on the highway by nine Monday morning. My tunes were blaring and I was singing along at the top of my voice. I felt free, I felt really good. Who knew I'd be so happy to venture out on my own to meet a man whom I didn't know a thing about? I didn't even know if he'd be happy to meet me.

But it felt right, deep in my soul. La Push was where I needed to be.

When I entered Forks the next night, I felt like a kid at Disneyland. This was where my mom grew up. I never pictured her as some small-town girl before. I couldn't picture her here, growing up, having fun, being with Embry. What had she been like? I hoped that he'd tell me. I hoped that he'd be willing to be the parent that she never was. I hoped he'd be my friend.

I pulled into a diner and found an empty booth at the back. A few people were around eating dinner but no one seemed too interested in knowing who I was.

"What can I get you sugar?" the matronly waitress asked.

"Whatever you've got for dinner and some coffee please."

"Sure thing, tonight's meatloaf."

I grimaced as I thought about how good it would NOT taste but couldn't be bothered to change the order. Instead, I asked for a burger and fries to go along with it. Half an hour later I had cleared both plates and drank a cup of coffee and a glass of Coke. My stomach churned under the mixture of everything so I knew I needed to pay the bill and find a motel before I got sick.

I barely made it to my car before I collapsed on the hood, sweating and panting heavily. The symptoms were back and I was horrified at the thought of taking ill in this strange place. I was alone, I had no one to help me and it scared me. Then I remembered the number on the piece of paper that was tucked away in the back of my jeans pocket. I managed to slide my body to the cold pavement and pulled out my cellphone, quickly punching in the numbers.

 _"Hello?"_ A male voice answered.

"Hi, um hi." I mumbled, unable to think straight as the pounding headache lanced my temples and blurred my vision.

 _"Who is this?_ " the deep male voice boomed.

"Jace, I uh, need help. Valerie said to call."

 _"Valerie Davis?"_

I nodded, then remembered to answer, "Yes." That was my mom's maiden name.

" _Where are you_?" The man asked.

"Forks diner?" I panted.

" _I'm on my way. DON'T move_."

I managed to pull myself into the driver's seat where I sat with my head resting on the steering wheel. I panted and sweated and moaned until I heard the screeching of tires pull up next to me. Two car doors slammed loudly, making me wince as the sound vibrated in my sensitive ears.

"Jace?" The gruff voice called out to me.

I raised my hand and nodded, pushing my head back against the seat so that I could show my face.

"HOLY FUCK!" The man exclaimed when he looked me in the eye. He was huge and tan, and Native American just like me. For some reason that made me feel a bit better.

"Shit! Dad you think he's phasing?" Another panicked voice said. I looked at the other face and was shocked to see that it looked almost identical to the first one.

"Could be, let's get him to the house."

Father and son, huh? An unknown feeling rippled through me as they both grabbed my arms and tugged me out of the car, pushing me into the backseat of a truck.

"Hang in there son, we'll get you somewhere safe," the man said. "I'm Paul Lahote by the way. That's my son Tuari. He'll drive your car back to our house on the Rez."

I could only moan in response as my stomach churned. I wanted to hurl but swallowed down the feeling again. I'd fight it off until I couldn't anymore. I slipped in and out of consciousness while we drove, the bumps along the road causing me to jump whenever I drifted off. My clothes were soaked and I was really thirsty. I couldn't wait to get to a real bed and sleep this attack off.

We came to a screeching stop in front of a house and Paul pulled me out and led me up some stairs and inside, then he led me down some more steps and opened a door, pushing me inside and on to a bed.

"I want you to rest here until your symptoms go away alright?"

I moaned and nodded, unable to say anything more because an extreme case of fatigue suddenly descended on me and I found my consciousness rapidly slipping away.

"And if you feel worse, I want you to try to get outside okay?"

I barely registered what he was saying, finding his instructions to be rather confusing.

"Don't worry Jace, I promise everything will be alright. We'll be right here."

It was the last thing I heard before I allowed sleep to overcome me. I welcomed the release, for with sleep I would feel no pain.

I woke up drenched in sweat again. My mouth was dry and my entire body felt dehydrated. When I looked over to the bedside table I miraculously found two cold bottles of water sitting there. I sat up and chugged them both without a proper breath until I was done. I instantly felt better. The humidity here was sure to kill me with these cold sweats.

Whoever put that water there was a God-send.

Where was Paul?

I could hear voices a ways off chatting happily and was ready to join them and meet the people who had been my mother's friends, but I needed a shower. I was really hungry now too.

I opened my duffel which someone had put in the room for me, and pulled out another pair of blue jeans, boxers and one of my Surf Cali tees. I found a bathroom right next door to me and registered that I was on the bottom floor since the huge windows across from the bedrooms offered a view of the lawn and a sprawling backyard with a pool and everything. It was a bright and sunny morning, which reminded me of home.

The long hallway had different doors and I was tempted to explore. But after I took a shower, gelled my hair and dressed I just wanted to eat. I went up the stairwell I found and entered a beautiful foyer with fresh flowers and tribal motifs - carvings, drapery, rugs - it was all really stylish. A totally different style than what I was accustomed to. This was not what I was expecting at all.

I could hear plates and the conversation coming from the hall straight ahead and followed my nose to the kitchen. There were two other hallways on either side of me. I saw that the stairs also led up to another floor from where I was. This place was huge.

I found Paul sitting next to a little girl who looked a lot like him and a woman I presumed was his wife.

"Good morning," I said with an awkward wave.

"Hey, good morning, Jace." Paul called with a guarded smile as he looked me over from head to toe. The little girl waved at me with a smile as she ate pancakes. The woman got up and moved around the table to stand in front of me. She had long brown hair and honey skin. Her green eyes were pretty too. She was a bombshell in all honestly.

"Hello Jace, I'm Corrie Lahote, your mom's old friend. It's so nice to meet you." Tears filled her eyes as we shook hands and I was surprised when she leaned in and hugged me briefly. Like my mom she had taken great care of herself, not looking a day over twenty-eight. I figured she had to be near forty too. "I can't believe Val has a son and never told us anything."

I shrugged. "She never told me anything about you guys either, so don't feel too bad."

Her face fell even more and I felt like a douche for saying that.

"Are you hungry?" she asked, gesturing to the table laden with food.

"Yes please!" I said eagerly taking a chair and accepting the white plate she handed me.

"This is Ruthie, our youngest," Paul gestured to his daughter and I nodded.

"Nice to meet you, Ruthie."

"It's really Ruth but everyone calls me Ruthie cause my Nana is Ruth too, I'm ten," she clarified, which made me smile. She was very pretty already, a little brown and gold beauty with the cutest nose. She favored her dad in the face but had brown hair with a tint of gold in it like her mom.

"So how are you holding up? You seem better?" Paul asked, again with that cautious way about him.

"Yeah, I'm better now, thanks."

"Do you get those attacks often?"

"Uh, yeah. They started when I turned eighteen, like a year ago. I'll be nineteen in September."

"Oh. Do you know what triggered it?" He leaned his elbows on the table, his face seriously curious.

"Uh no. I just woke up with it one day, and started getting huge."

Paul and Corrie exchanged a look which bothered me. "What's wrong?" I asked.

"Uh, well, don't worry about that, okay? We just want you to settle in and feel at home right now."

Paul nodded but I could read the concern on his face easily. He seemed to be a serious kind of man, but he was also really good looking and fit. I wondered what he did for a living. Honestly, he looked kind of familiar. "Wait, aren't you some type of athlete or something?" I asked, remembering now that I had seen him before at some point.

Paul cracked a smile and nodded his head. "I used to box years ago, won a few titles."

I nodded my head, thinking that it would explain the mansion. "Cool."

"Tuari will be home soon, remember him from last night?"

"Vaguely," I answered, which made me wonder about my car.

"Don't worry, your car's out front, the keys are on the hook by the door."

"Thanks," I said to the man, finding it odd that he seemed to know me so well already. It was just a feeling, like kindred spirits or something.

I ate in silence for a while before heaping more onto my plate.

"Just like Tuari," Corrie mused as she watched me stuff my face with gusto.

"How old is he?" I asked.

"Nineteen." But the way she said it seemed to bother her.

"Oh cool, we're basically the same age," I shrugged. I was glad to have someone to hang out with.

Corrie drew in a breath, and nodded solemnly. "Yes, exactly…" she mumbled but I heard her clearly.

Paul leaned over and grabbed her hand, his face laced with worry. "It's okay baby. Try not to get upset."

"I just can't believe she didn't tell us about you Jace, I'm sorry."

"It's okay. If I were you I'd be offended too. I've tried to get the truth out of my mother for a while now but she just wouldn't budge. What the hell happened between her and my father?"

They exchanged another look before turning to me.

"Do you know who your father is?" Paul asked.

"No, well I mean, she just gave me his name and told me to come here and look for him. She gave me your number in case I needed help finding him – Embry Call."

Paul nodded and grimaced.

"Is everything okay? Is Val hurt or something?" I could see the genuine concern on my mother's friend's face and shook my head.

"She's fine it's me who's not. I've been acting out lately, she sent me here to find him, thinking he could help. I kinda insisted on knowing him since I started getting sick all the time."

"It was the right thing to do, you NEED to be here Jace."

I felt a squeeze in my chest at Paul's ominous words. "What's wrong with me?"

Paul shook his head. "Nothing that can't be dealt with."

I grimaced at his tight-lipped behavior. "I want to meet him."

"I'll call him, but he's not on the Rez right now."

"Where is he?"

"In Seattle, on business. He should be back by weekend."

I nodded, disappointed, and finished my food.

"Would you like some more? I can whip up more pancakes if you want to finish the rest."

"Uh no thanks, I'm good." I declined politely. There were still about ten left on the plate and I was surprised she thought I could eat them all.

"No worries if you want to. I'm used to it after years of being with Paul - and Tuari eats even more than that now!" Corrie winked and chuckled as she moved back to the fridge, seeming to put her sad mood aside quite easily in my opinion. I couldn't help but notice the way Paul openly gaped his wife as she leaned over to get something out the bottom of the fridge. His eyes followed every move with a sense of love and contentment I'd never seen to that extreme before. I knew Brendon loved Mom, but this was like the epitome of being whupped. I couldn't imagine how such a big dude could suddenly seem so adolescent in his wife's presence.

"The trick is to just not watch either of them when they're in the same room. It can literally make you gag," the little voice chirped next to me and I chortled as I looked over at the little girl now standing next to me.

"Is that so?" I asked her.

"Uh huh! You'll see!" Ruthie held up a picture for me with a gapped-tooth grin and I read that it said "Welcome to Wolf Moon" at the bottom of it. It was a picture of wolves and buildings and people. "I made this for you this morning," she declared d proudly.

"Thank you, it's beautiful, can I stick it in my room?" I asked her. It really warmed my heart but I didn't understand the wolves.

"Of course! That's what it's for silly!" she giggled as her father scolded her for calling me a name. Soon it turned into a full on giggle-fest and Paul ended up chasing Ruthie out of the room altogether.

"Watch out for that one, she's the little trickster around here," Corrie warned me.

"Noted," I replied.

"So how's your Mom?"

"Uhh…" I really didn't want to answer this question. What would I say? That I'd abused her?

Corrie seemed to understand my predicament. "Is she married? What does she do?"

"Yes she is married to Brendon Montgomery, and she runs a magazine."

"Oh nice. I'm not surprised, Val always lived for fashion. She tormented me millions of times about my lack of style when we were teenagers. Where do you live?"

"We live in Calabasas, they have a son who's thirteen, Tyler."

"That's nice. Wow, two sons. I have one boy and two girls. I can't imagine Val with kids."

"Neither can I." I mumbled, a sour taste building in my mouth.

"What do you mean?"

"She's a career type. Our housekeeper Enid does all the mothering," I said, a tad bit dramatically.

Corrie shook her head. "I guess I'm not surprised at that either. But it's not her fault Jace, Val's parents weren't exactly Parents of the Year either."

That immediately sparked my interest. "Do you know them?"

"I did. Haven't seen them in a very long time. I guess they still live in Forks. Val stopped calling and never wanted me to come visit her or to come visit us, so I fell out of touch. I guess I know now why she did what she did."

"Because of me?"

Corrie nodded.

"So you think my father knew?"

"No, Embry definitely did _not_ know about you."

I grimaced, wondering how my mother could have kept me a secret from these people.

"Is he nice?"

Corrie smiled and nodded. "He and Paul aren't exactly best buds, but he's family. Embry's a good guy, quiet and smart. He owns a couple businesses. I'm sure he'll be thrilled to meet you Jace."

"Does he have a family?"

"No, he doesn't."

I nodded and let the subject drop. The discussion then went into school and my likes and dislikes and hobbies. I told her I wanted to surf and hike for sure while I was around, learn as much as I can about the town. I was happy to know there was a beach.

"Who wants to surf?" a booming male voice echoed down the hall before Tuari, who was my age but looking to be in his twenties, came sauntering through. I was again struck by the resemblance, he was like Paul's clone. It was ridiculous! They could almost be identical twins.

Tuari came over and extended his arm, pulling me up for a side hug and tap on the back.

"Welcome bro, so good to have you man," he said with a warm wide grin, just like his mother's. While he and his father looked alike something about Tuari was genuinely laid-back, like he was the guy everybody loved rather than feared – not that I feared Paul or anything! Maybe his gruff demeanor had to do with the fact that he used to professionally beat the shit out of people.

Tuari leaned over and kissed his mother, also looking at her like she was the greatest person in the world. Dang this family really loved each other. It was intense.

"Thanks man, was just telling your Mom I wanna hit some waves and go rock-climbing."

"For sure bro, we can do whatever! But you'll love cliff-diving the best – trust me!" Tuari wore a white vest and black shorts with no shoes. His skin was reddish brown like clay and his hair jet black but with a couple streaks of light brown running through the front part which flopped into his face. His eyes weren't as dark as Paul's, but a lighter brown. If I called myself buff, Tuari was completely _ripped._

Corrie quickly brought over two huge platters of food and set them on the table where Tuari sat. My eyes popped out of my head as I watched him go hard with his fork. Enid would have his hide if she saw his table manners.

"ARI! We have a guest! At least act like you were raised by humans!"

"Sorry Momma," He flashed her a sheepish grin then slowed down his chewing, throwing me a quick wink too.

Tuari must have lots of girls on the Rez. I felt as if he and I were like fraternity brothers or something. I could see us liking all the same things, goofing off and getting girls. The vibe was just instant for me, like he could be my Ethan upgrade in Washington.

Speaking of…I had yet to check my phone and let back home know that I was okay.

I excused myself and went back to my room and pulled out my phone. I texted Ethan first then I called my mother.

 _"Jace, how is everything?_ " she answered in a cool, collected voice.

"Good so far. I'm at your friend's house. It's really nice here in your hometown."

" _Yes it can be, though Forks and La Push are different places."_ Her tone was clipped and felt loaded with meaning. I hated that she was determined to be so aloof and cryptic so I decided to disturb her calm waters a little.

"So anything you recommend I do while I'm here to get the full experience?" I decided to ask.

" _Do? No. But I expect you to be respectful and obedient Jace, and stay out of trouble - don't embarrass me or your father any further_."

"Wouldn't dream of it." I mumbled.

" _Tell Corrie I'll talk to her later, I'm headed to a meeting. Please give her my number_."

"You know she's really hurt you kept me a secret from her? Why did you stop talking to her?"

" _Jace I can't talk about this now. But I hope to hear from you at least once a week okay?_ "

"Yeah, sure." I said carelessly and ended the call without a proper farewell.

I couldn't believe her! I couldn't believe how indifferent my mother could be to what I was going through. I thought after she told me she loved me that it meant she would try to support me in this journey. But clearly I was wrong. Did she even care that she'd hurt everyone she'd left behind?

I let out a frustrated breath and flopped backwards on the bed. It was clear that Mom and I needed some time apart. And I needed to make the most of it now that I actually had the chance to find the answers to the questions that were haunting me.


	7. Girls

Cliffdiving101 I totally agree with your assessment of Valerie. Let's just say that she didn't cope well with losing Embry and having a son who ended up looking just like him. She became "emotionless" to deal with a situation she believed she had no control over. Sucks but makes for good drama ;) thanks for the review!

No copyright infringement intended on Stephenie Meyer's work!

Chapter 5 – Girls

JACE

When Tuari was finished eating he came to my room which was just a couple rooms over from his in the basement (really just the bottom floor but that's what he called it). There were like two other bedrooms (I assumed as one door was locked) but I didn't ask who they belonged to – I assumed they were for guests. He showed me an extra bathroom, the laundry room and the billiards room, promising that we could win a ton of money off his dad and his friends once we got them drunk.

I couldn't help but laugh at his mischievous but friendly nature. His room was dark grey with silver, black and navy accents here and there. There was a really shaggy black carpet on the ground and two cool leather chairs for gaming. He had the same console as me and a flat screen that was bigger than mine by about four inches. There was even a mini fridge in arm's reach. To top it off Tuari had a huge king-sized bed, a couple book shelves and a desk. He had a walk-in closet and his own bathroom en suite. It was like an apartment, much like my room back home, but somehow way cooler. I was pretty sure even Mom would be impressed.

"Make yourself comfortable, and anything you wanna get for your room just let me know and Mom will order it. We get stuff delivered like every day anyways, it's no matter."

I was surprised. First Ruthie now Tuari was making me feel so welcome. I originally had no intentions of staying here but I guess I really had nowhere else to go did I? Not until Embry showed up. "Do you shoot hoops?" I asked him.

"I could, I'm pretty good at sports in general. We don't have a hoop right now though, I kinda broke it a while back and never got around to fixing it."

"Oh, well maybe we could get a new one then." It was something Tyler and I did at home all the time.

"Sure, I'll let Mom know, no worries." I thought he meant whenever he saw her next but Tuari pressed a button and called to his mom, asking her for a new hoop set, balls and sneakers for us, confirming my shoe size.

I mean, I came from rich parents too and I had whatever I wanted, but this was just different somehow – probably because he and his mother had a good relationship. Everything he did was super confident, like he never doubted anything. I bet no one had ever made fun of him for being Native, no one would mock him for not being like the rest of his family. I bet his parents didn't act like he barely existed in their world. They kissed one another, his mom called him "sweetie." My mother barely called me by my first name.

I pulled up some basketball on the console and kicked back with a beer.

"Going to a party at my friend's later. You think you'd be up for it?" he asked

"Sure, yeah! That sounds great actually. Meet some girls…" I needed some type of distraction or I'd go nuts waiting on Embry to get back.

"Ha, oh yeah! The best girls on the Rez will be there, maybe a few from Forks too. But this place is really fucking small, so don't expect too much."

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. All I really needed was one. One really hot one to make me forget that bitch Tina and to fill the void of Maria – whom I had never called. I was a total dick for just using her for sex and I hoped she'd get over me and realize that I wasn't worth it. Now that Jon's pretty face and car were gone temporarily I hope Tina still wanted him to come back to her or whatever she had hoped to gain by sending him that video. "You look like the man who's got all the girls," I told him.

"HA! I used to…but not anymore."

"Why not?"

"It's complicated, you'll see eventually…"

I shrugged and left it at that since he didn't want to come right out and say it. But I was honestly intrigued. Maybe he was going through a bad break up or had got someone knocked up. He couldn't be gay though could he? Nah, I mean…nah, I couldn't see it.

Later, around six, Tuari picked me up from my room and we headed out of the house through a backdoor in the basement. I hadn't been outside all evening as he and I had gotten into some serious gaming in his room. The only break we took was to eat lunch and dinner. My right hand was still jumpy from navigating the controls.

We walked around the pool area towards the front of the house where the car port was. I could see another much smaller white house off to the right, down a path there were two barns, a whole playground and a really nice gazebo with flowers and herbs growing all around. The place smelled amazing and I found myself sniffing hard.

"That's Momma's little sanctuary, smells good huh? It's the lavender, the purple one growing everywhere."

"Yeah, it does." I would love to see my own mother out in the garden, relaxing with a magazine or something. All she did was drink wine alone in her home office which was also like her little relaxation area as well - but it wasn't relaxing, it was an office. Looking through photos and articles, drinking wine and listening to music with entertainment television on muted captions in the background – that was what she called relaxing.

Tuari looked at me weird then broke into a smile. "Jace, _dude,_ I can't fucking _wait_ man!"

I had no idea what his random outburst was talking about specifically but I assumed it was about the party. We hopped into a huge black Tundra truck -the latest model - and exited the compound, which I saw on the front wall from the main road, was called Wolf Moon Estate. There was a huge howling wolf's head pointing up to a crescent moon carved into the wall. It was really neat. I suddenly understood why Ruthie had put wolves in the picture.

"Your family sure loves wolves," I joked, taking in the old houses and dirt streets of La Push as we drove along.

"Oh you'll soon love wolves too, I promise! It's what being Quileute is _allll_ about!"

"Sure man." I grinned and shook my head at him.

Tuari blew his horn almost at everyone we passed and I knew it was because he literally knew everybody. There was a lot of ancient and modern here. It was as if the whole town was in the current process of an upgrade, but a lot of their old places still existed. I thought that was nice.

The party was at one of the same older houses. It was a gray color and had all kinds of old model vehicles parked around it. I guessed that Tuari's family was likely one of the wealthy ones around.

I adjusted my favorite faded jeans and navy tee that said "Thank You for Sharing" printed in white on the front. I nervously checked my hair in the window to make sure it hadn't blown out on the ride over. Tuari preferred fresh air to AC, unless necessary. Washington was always wet and cold so he welcomed summer time with open arms and windows down was considered a perk of the season.

The things I took for granted.

"Hey!" Tuari started greeting people right off the bat, introducing me to everyone quickly as he led us through the small crowd. I had no idea who was who because of so many names but he assured me that no one would forget who I was because I was new here and from Cali. He said I was practically a god being a Quileute from Cali.

It was weird having him refer to me as being a Quileute. But I guess that's who I was. It would definitely take some getting used to. I had so much to learn about these people, MY people. It was the first piece of the puzzle laid to rest. It was euphoric.

There were nice girls alright, and I had no problem gaining the attentions of quite a few of them, but I was looking for that special one that I believed still had to be here somewhere. The girls I'd met so far were cute but not beautiful, and that's what I wanted: the real exotic Native beauty, and why not? They thought I was Tuari's cousin so it appeared as though I could have any one that I wanted. Cocky much?

After a few beers and conversations that led to nothing much, I was just leaning up against a wall, lost in my head. I had my vape pen with me so my body was calm and no symptoms were bothering me. Tuari and his friends played some drinking game a couple feet away but I wasn't really interested in that. Watching the crowd was actually more fascinating and people were coming up to me and making small talk which was pretty cool. One girl named Bethany was nice, she gave me lots of current and even her number. She was from Forks and said we should go to a movie or something soon. I told her that was cool with me. She was cute with long strawberry blonde hair and freckles, not my usual type but her body was banging.

"Thank you for sharing what?" I heard a new curious female voice beside me and looked over into a pair of amused chocolate eyes.

WHOA, she was hottttttt!

New friends – check!

Beer – check!

Exotic beauty – check check check!

"Uh, what did you say again? Sorry?" I finally managed to mumble when I realized that I was probably creeping her out with the staring. Was she flirting or just being friendly?

"Umm, I was asking about your shirt," she pointed to my tee and smirked.

"Ugh, if you think about it hard enough, as a girl, I'm sure you'll figure out what I'm thanking you for sharing," I threw her a lop-sided apologetic smile as I watched her literally think for a moment before her eyes popped with awareness and she shook her head.

"You're gross," she scoffed but then chuckled. "I just might like you." She took a long sip from whatever was in her red cup. I laughed and asked for her name anyways, realizing that she was just teasing me.

"I'm Josie Uley, welcome to La Push, Jace." She stuck her hand out and shook mine hard and fast to my surprise. She already knew my name? There was something impish about her and I could tell that we'd be cool.

"Thanks," I chuckled.

Josie was hott. Her skin was almost the same shade as Tuari's and her hair was jet black and long to her waist and she had bangs at the front. She was wearing a short denim dress and heels, and generally seemed girly and high maintenance.

"So you're just gonna act like you don't see me?" Tuari called out, walking up to me and Josie, but keeping his eyes on her. He was looking down at her with a serious yet lovesick expression on his face. She snorted and turned towards him, her hands resting on her hips testily.

"And what if I see you? So?" She asked with plenty of sass.

I guessed this was what he was talking about earlier when he said his love life was complicated…and I knew this meant that Josie was definitely being friendly more than flirty with me. If she was flirting, it was probably to make Tuari jealous. I wanted no part of whatever it was going on between the two of them. Immediately she was no longer on my list of potential fucks.

"Why didn't you come say hi, babe?" Tuari reached out and stroked the skin on her arm but she shrugged him off.

"I didn't feel like it! I was meeting Jace."

My eyebrows shot into the sky and I held up my hands quickly in a peace-offering stance as Tuari glowered at me above her head. I shook my head a few times and backed off to show that I had no claims on his girl. I was almost certain that he growled at me as his shoulders started to tremble.

Fuck! This dude had a temper on him! This was a side of him I hadn't seen all day. Honestly, it reminded me of ME and I knew then that I needed to be careful. I didn't want him to do to me what I had done to Jon Chaney. _Fuck that shit!_

"Ari stop it! We just introduced ourselves! And you wonder why I can't be bothered! You're so jealous for everything!"

"So if I was less jealous you'd stop fighting this?" he asked.

I felt even more intrusive and decided to escape outdoors for some fresh air. Man he had some girl drama on his hands, I did NOT need to get involved in that at all.

The house had a little wrap around porch and a few people were smoking and talking quietly. I nodded in a friendly manner as I by-passed them, going around the corner to the back of the house which faced the woods. There were a few steps leading down into a yard which had clothes on the line still and I decided to sit on the middle step and finish my drink.

I could easily hear the conversations buzzing around me, people talking about scoring some pills and weed, a guy trying to get laid, a couple girls talking about who they wanted to bang…but it was the sound of sniffling that caught my attention.

Someone was crying?

I instantly got up and looked around, but the person wasn't on the porch. Stupid antenna ears. I stopped down onto the grass and walked a little ways further until I saw a figure huddled alone near the trees. She was sitting on a log or something, her face hidden. I found myself walking over to her instantly, for some reason I didn't like the sound of her crying.

"Excuse me? Are you okay?" I called out.

She startled and looked up, quickly wiping her face on the oversized black hoodie sleeve she was wearing. She was dressed in all black – with black jeans and flip flops on her feet.

"Did someone hurt you?" I asked, since she still hadn't answered.

Finally she shook her head and wrapped her arms around herself. The scent of vanilla and lavender, I think, wafted over and I couldn't help but find it extremely attractive.

"I'm fine," she croaked. She had a nice voice, one that pulled me in even though it was filled with pain. I really wanted to know what was wrong.

"You don't look or sound fine, I just wanted to help…"

"You're Jace right?" she asked instead, totally blocking my line of questioning.

"Uh, yeah." So everyone knew me now…the new kid on the Rez.

"I'm Phoenix," she croaked again.

My eyebrows arched in surprise. "As in Phoenix, Tuari's sister?" I confirmed. She nodded then looked down. Tuari had mentioned her earlier at the house, telling me his sister wasn't home.

"Do you need me to get him? He's just inside with Josie."

Phoenix snorted and shook her head. "If they're together I'd rather stay out here." I was confused by the answer and I guess it showed on my face in the dim light of the backyard. "Trust me, they'll either be tearing this place up in an argument or sucking face any moment now, you don't want to be around for that, it's gross and annoying."

"Oh, yeah, I kinda could tell that there's some drama there already."

She nodded but still didn't raise her head to properly look at me. I really wanted to see her face better and to know why she was upset.

"So do you want a drink or can I get you something else, a tissue?"

"What I want no one can get me…" she murmured. She probably thought I couldn't hear her but I surely did and for some reason her sadness made me sad.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled back. She was holding some heavy vibes. Whatever had happened must have been pretty bad.

Her face snapped up to me then and I locked eyes with the most beautiful girl I'd literally ever seen. The backyard light caught her face at just the right angle and I could see her much better. Her eyes…they were green on the inside around the pupil and hazel brown encased them. They were so unique and mesmerizing, like a nebula or something.

HOLY….

It was as if she'd materialized straight from my thoughts: The Perfect Girl. Without a doubt this time.

I couldn't stop staring at her and she actually couldn't seem to stop staring at me either.

My heart was racing extra hard and so was hers.

Whoa. I could hear her heart racing.

She was fucking beautiful.

Phoenix looked down then and pushed herself to stand. She was actually taller than I expected, probably around five foot eight inches or something. She seemed athletic somehow, like her mother, but I could see Paul's nose and mouth. She looked like an older Ruth.

Yeah Phoenix was the perfect girl – minus the sadness – and totally _off limits_.

This was just my fucking luck!

Dad was getting his wish after all, this _would_ be punishment. Ethan would have a good laugh at my expense.

We said nothing to each other and then it became awkward. I figured maybe she wanted me to leave her alone. I didn't want to because I didn't want her to start crying again but I forced myself to anyways.

"Well, I guess I'll see you around at the house tomorrow or something? Sorry to bother you…but I hope you'll feel better." I took a few steps backwards, waiting for her to respond before turning to walk away.

She didn't answer though, she just kept her head down, biting her lip. I sighed in disappointment and skipped up the back steps on to the porch. I looked back to see if maybe she had followed but Phoenix was gone.

What was her deal? I wanted to know now more than anything.

XXXX

"Jace it's time to get up! Breakfast is on the table and Paul and Tuari are already here!" Corrie's sing-song voice filled my room through the intercom and I jumped up out of the bed, knowing I would only get scraps if I didn't get my ass to the kitchen.

I stopped off in the bathroom first then ran upstairs to the table.

"Morning!" I said with a reserved smile for everyone there - Phoenix, Ruthie, Paul, Corrie and Tuari.

"Morning!" they all responded with smiles – except for Phoenix who just kinda grumbled and kept her head down.

Seeing her in daylight was totally different that night. She was more than beautiful, there weren't words, but I couldn't help but notice the dark circles beneath her eyes, eyes which once again refused to meet mine. She just stared at her plate and pushed food around. She had dark brown hair which was tied up into a messy bun and was still dressed in her pajamas.

"How did you sleep dear?" Corrie asked, coming to kiss my forehead as she set a glass of juice right in front of me, shocking me. It was something only Enid did to me. Corrie didn't really seem to give it any thought, she was just being a mother.

"Great, thanks," and I really did.

"He slept like a log, he didn't even hear me come in there this morning to check on him before my run," Tuari smirked.

"You jog?" I asked while shoving three pieces of pancake in my mouth.

"Well, in a manner of speaking…" I saw Paul and Tuari exchange a look and then break into a laugh. I had no idea what was so funny.

"So how was the party Jace? Ari says you had quite a few girls coming your way," Paul smirked at I immediately felt the blood rush to my cheeks.

"Uhhh…well yeah I talked to a few," I shrugged, trying to play it off like no big deal – which it wasn't. Phoenix peeped over at me for a split second before turning back to her plate. Although I knew it was pointless, I didn't want her to think I was macking all over town, she was clearly the most attractive girl I'd met last night.

"Bethany Lewis gave him her number."

Paul raised his eyebrows, "Wait that Forks girl?"

"Yeap!" Tuari sat back with a huge grin as if he was the one that had scored or something. I wondered just how well he knew her.

"It's no big deal guys," I muttered, focusing on my eggs, which only made them laugh.

"Paulie, stop embarrassing the boy!" his wife chided with a giggle.

They went on to talk about other things, thankfully, and I risked looking over at Phoenix to see what she was doing. She still hadn't eaten much of her food but at least she was chewing, albeit slowly. For some reason I felt relieved. I just didn't understand how her family didn't seem to notice that something was wrong with her. she was obviously very sad. I was dying to know why, and why they weren't comforting her since they were all so close?

"Feeling better Phoenix?" I decided to take the risk and ask.

Phoenix raised her face to meet mine, clearly shocked that I had been so bold. Her eyes were wide and confused but still beautiful. I couldn't get over how they were both green and brown at the same time.

"I'm fine," she mumbled, then took a bite out of toast and dropped her eyes once more. I knew then that I would get no more out of her.

Everyone went deathly quiet, which I didn't expect and all eyes were now on us. I looked over to see Paul and Tuari watching us closely, back and forth like a tennis match; while Corrie seemed concerned.

"Oh we met at the party…" I mumbled to them, assuming they were surprised we even knew each other.

Corrie offered me a sympathetic, knowing smile and I assumed that Phoenix was usually like this, but why? It just didn't sit well with me that someone so pretty could be so sad.

"So what's the plan for today?" Corrie asked, breaking the uncomfortable silence. I almost wanted to protest and demand that she tend to her daughter.

"Well I'm going to show Jace around, let him get a lay of the land." Paul answered, capturing my attention.

"Cool, sounds great," I bobbed my head. I wanted to ask about my father but I decided to leave it til it was just us guys.

"Alright, well I won't be around til this evening babe, so lunch is on you guys today," Corrie smiled at her husband who told her it wasn't a problem and then blew her a kiss across the table. Corrie then blushed and giggled like a school girl. Ruth met my eyes and made a face which made me chuckle. Phoenix looked over curiously at us and then looked at her parents who seemed to be having a silent conversation with their eyes.

For some reason that caused her to suddenly look ill and she quickly shoved off from the table and grabbed her plate. I watched as Phoenix dumped the food into the bin, washed her plate and ran from the room, her footsteps pounding up the stairs. Everyone was watching her with sad eyes and I just couldn't take it anymore.

"What's wrong with her?" I finally asked, looking at each of their faces.

Tuari cleared his throat first. "One of our friends died, and she's been having a hard time dealing with it."

"Oh…"

Wow.

I didn't know what else to say, that really was a reason to be upset, but it didn't explain why she looked at her parents that way, almost with longing…unless…Unless it had been a boyfriend. Something in my gut told me I was right but I didn't ask. Honestly, it was none of my business and I probably should leave her be.

But fuck me if I didn't love a challenge.


	8. Legends

**Thank you so much for your review on both stories AngelRae1185!**

 **Now, I must admit it might not be cool to imagine or write so much about a Tribe of people you never met, and whom you only know about through someone else's fiction. so no offense to the Quileute Tribe - honestly I wish there was more information available about you online! This chapter is just my idea of what the future for the pack and La Push could have been like. Just playing in the Twilight world.**

No copyright infringement intended on Stephenie Meyer's work!

Chapter 6 – Legends

JACE

After breakfast I got ready and headed outside, waiting for Paul to show up. From the giggles and grunts I could hear coming from someplace nearby I already knew what was keeping him and it was just disgusting to think about. But hey, if I could still make my wife squeal like that when I was his age and older, I'd be the luckiest man alive. I'd bet that he already knew that he was.

I looked around at everything. He had it all.

I found myself standing by the flowers and stooped down to pick some lavender. I pushed it right up into my nose and took a deep breath, wondering if that's why Phoenix smelled the way she did. The scent was amazing.

"No one's allowed to pick those but Momma." A soft voice wrapped around me and I turned to face the person I'd been obsessing about since last night. The morning sun seemed to make her hair, skin and eyes all glow. If only she could glow from happiness too.

She was wearing a pair of dark green jeans that fit like second skin. Her black oversized hoodie was on again, and this time I realized that it likely belonged to a guy…was it her dead friend?

"Sorry," I said sheepishly.

She shook her head and shrugged, "No matter, just don't make it a habit…"

She turned and started walking back up the path towards a red Jeep Wrangler and hopped in. I tried not to check her out but it was impossible not to. I was drawn to her like a moth to a flame despite her reserved, dark mood. As her jeep drove down the driveway to the gate Paul came racing out of the house while pulling his t-shirt over his head, his jeans and boots already on. "She gone?!" he yelled.

"Yeah." I answered, although I knew it was a rhetorical question.

"That girl!" he grumbled.

"What's wrong?" I asked, unable to help myself. I really wanted to understand what was going on.

"Nothing, I just wanted to make sure she'd be home at a decent hour."

I nodded and decided to let it slip, somehow I didn't think that was the whole reason but it really wasn't any of my business. Paul motioned for me to follow him and we walked down the path towards the two barns.

"Well here we've got the gym and my personal work room where Tuari and I design new pieces before I send them to the factory," Paul stopped and I took a quick look around inside both of them. State of the art everything but with a tribal touch, just what I'd expected.

"So you make all that stuff in the house?" All the furniture that I had seen was specially crafted, nothing looked like anything in Ikea.

"Yeah, I've got two factories – one for furniture and one for textiles."

"Awesome."

"We'll start hitting the gym everyday okay? It's a good way for you to start controlling your anger and energy."

"I'm not really angry much you know…it just comes at the weirdest times…" I felt embarrassed, I didn't want anyone to think I had anger management issues. What happened with Jon and Mom was a fluke…well, the whole last year was totally out of character for me. I used to be a quiet guy.

"But still, it's necessary, okay? Just trust me on this, it's what you need, or things will only get out of hand."

He seemed pretty serious so I simply nodded and followed him as we walked on.

"This is the Ateara House which was our first home when we got married. Tuari was born here, Corrie's grandmother delivered him right in the bath tub." I wrinkled my nose at the thought of all the blood. "We did a lot of renovations, but now some of our friends live there. Quil and his fiancé Claire, Jonathan, Zach and Adrian." We went inside the big wooden white house that stood first after the main gate. I met Quil and Claire, who were all watching sports on television and eating breakfast. Quil almost choked when he saw me come in.

"What the fuck?" he said, causing Claire to slap him around the head. Paul gave him this serious warning look.

"I take it you know my father?" I assumed boldly.

Quil nodded, but everyone seemed uncomfortable since I brought it up. "You look just like him," he said.

My eyes travelled to the photos on the wall and I walked over to it and saw a man who indeed looked just like me, his arms slung around both Quil and another guy who was taller than them both.

"That's me, Embry and my cousin Jacob, we've been best friends since we were babies."

I nodded and sighed. My real father, I _did_ look just like him. In what other ways were we similar? I burned to know.

"You think he'll be happy to meet me?" I asked Quil, believing he wouldn't lie.

"Devastated…but happy, yeah."

Claire smiled at me sympathetically and I nodded, appreciating her husband's honesty.

"We better get going then," Paul said, clearing his throat awkwardly.

"See you around Jace, come over anytime." Claire said with a small wave and I told her I would.

Paul and I got into the truck and drove towards the gate.

"Then of course there's our home. It took us about two years to finish everything, I did it piece by piece after Nix was born. When it was done we moved over from the Ateara house which has been in both Corrie's and Quil's families for generations." Paul pointed behind us. As we left the compound I looked back at the neat four storied rectangular mansion and whistled. It wasn't a sprawling estate but it was impressive with its golden yellow color and elaborate pillars. It was layered and neat. The bottom floor was for Tuari and the garage, the floor above that was the kitchen and living and dining areas, and the two floors above that were bedrooms.

It really was awesome, the whole entire property.

A sudden movement caught my eyes as they trailed along the treeline that ran parallel to the road. For some reason I thought I saw a wolf, but it was huge.

"Are there really wolves here?" I asked.

"Yeah, we've got all kinds of wild animals in Washington."

"Oh, okay."

"Don't worry Jace, the wolves around here are harmless most of the time."

I tried to turn that into a comforting thought but it really wasn't.

I nodded and listened to Paul talk about his days growing up, being the penniless Rez slut, then meeting Corrie and how he knew from the moment she was his, that he had to give her the best life imaginable. I think he'd topped even his own expectations, personally. This place was great and I already loved it here. I already felt like the Lahotes were family. But I didn't think of Phoenix in that sisterly way though…there was just something about her that intrigued me. I wanted to be close to her. Maybe I wanted to make her smile again…I wanted to do that, but I knew it would have to be in a friendly way. As attracted as I was to her, I didn't want to take advantage of the girl. Not all. I was proud of myself for not having pussy on the brain for once.

"Got a girlfriend back home?" Paul asked and again I had to wonder if this dude could read minds.

"Uh no. I've never exactly had a girlfriend."

"What? A handsome young man like you? I find that hard to believe!"

"Well believe it, I've never been in anything serious. I'm not smooth like you and Tuari." Josie was the only girl I saw that didn't melt in Tuari's presence at the party.

Paul laughed hard at that. "Well, we are pretty smooth, it's true." He laughed again while I rolled my eyes playfully. "But I never had a girlfriend until I met my Corrine though. So nothing's wrong with saving the commitment for someone truly special."

I hoped he knew what he was saying.

It was Sunday so the factory was closed, but he opened up and we stepped inside. It was huge with wooden figurines and furniture everywhere. Carvings, wall hangings, bed frames, book shelves, tables and chairs, armoires – everything with Quileute flair, just like back at the house. Both factories were operated mainly by Tribesmen and women, and strictly so in positions of management.

I couldn't believe that Paul had built this place from the ground up. He was so proud, and I honestly felt proud of him too in a weird way. I helped him load some scrap wood onto the back of the Tundra and cover it up for the bonfire later. Apparently there was going to be a small gathering on the beach to welcome me to La Push.

Next we drove to his gym that was open to the public, Wolf Moon Fitness Club. He introduced me to Brady, Zack and Adrian who were the trainers there along with Jonathan. Jonathan clapped me on the back kinda hard, I had no idea what his deal was, but I instantly didn't like him. Me and any guy named Jon just didn't get along. Paul watched the both of us with interest but then just shook his head.

Apparently the gym was so nice that people came from Forks to work out there, which was apparently something that would never happen back in Paul's day. But I found another reason why that Paul either totally missed, or was trying not to point out.

There were tons of women here, all shapes and sizes, and every single one of them had their eyes on us – the huge men with all the muscles. The gym was doing well because these guys were like fucking supermodels.

We were about to leave when I saw a woman slip Jonathan her number and ask him to call her about Friday night.

Oh yeah, they were working out all right. They were working ALL the angles.

"Does Tuari come here?" I asked seemingly out of the blue.

"Yeah he does actually. If one of the guys can't make it he fills in."

I knew it, that son of a gun had to be loving himself - although he seemed pretty strung out over Josie last night.

Paul busied himself looking through the training chart behind the desk and checking a few things in cupboards below. I admired how he didn't even once look at another woman. But when your wife was super hot why would you? Honestly none of these girls were as gorgeous as Phoenix in my opinion. I wished I could pat him on the back for creating such a perfect specimen and live to tell the tale another day. As we were leaving I saw that there was even a pool in the back.

"So you think you'd want to work here if you stick around?" he asked with a playful grin. Maybe he was well aware of the high female population after all.

"Me nah, too distracting." I broke into a grin and he ruffled my hair which immediately made me panic and try to fix it back in the small mirror on the inside of my sun visor.

"Whoa! Relax! It looks fine," he laughed hard this time and I just rolled my eyes.

I really hated when people touched my hair.

XXXXX

I still couldn't get my hair to fall the way I wanted it to after my shower that night. I had to keep telling myself that Paul had not in fact put some weird mojo on it earlier when he rudely mussed it up. I was getting ready for the bonfire which was starting at six. Corrie was already on our asses to be ready on time.

A soft knock at my door came and I told the person to come it. I was still yet to put on my shirt but my jeans and Nikes were on already.

"Hey are you ready? It's time to go."

I froze when I heard Phoenix's monotone voice, and stepped out of the bathroom to see her, verifying that my ears weren't playing a trick on me.

She was dressed in all black, looking cute and comfortable in tight jeans, a black shirt and a leather jacket. Her black boots were really cute too. I didn't like the fact that she liked such dark colors, Mom would be the best person to fix her emo wardrobe…but maybe she was only dressing like this because she was grieving. It sucked to think about how sad this girl was.

Her scent filled my room and I breathed it in deeply. Why did her smell appeal to me so much? I instantly felt myself growing warmer in her presence. I could hear her racing heart as she stood before me, kinda staring at my chest. I couldn't help but feel flattered that she was checking me out.

"Uh I can't get my hair to stay put," I told her, coming over to the bed and pulling on a long sleeve grey t-shirt. It's thin so I wouldn't be too hot. "But I give up so yeah I'm ready."

Phoenix walked up to me and ran her fingers through my hair, doing something to it. Little tingles spread through my body from her close proximity. I couldn't even breathe til she stepped away.

"There that's better," she decided, still without a smile however, yet the unexpected gesture made my heart flutter. The pouty shape of her lips was so sexy. I'd bet there wasn't a guy alive who could think straight whenever she paid them attention.

I looked in the mirror and unconsciously puckered my own lips as I surveyed her work. "Thanks, it'll do." I smirked at her as she rolled her eyes and wiggled her fingers.

"Now I just need to wash all that unnecessary gunk you got in there off. _Gross,_ newbie."

"Whatever girl, the ladies like it, don't be hatin'!" I told her in my Jamie Kennedy voice from the way-old movie, Malibu's Most Wanted.

Newbie huh? I liked that she had given me a nickname. It sprang hope.

Phoenix looked at me with amusement in her eyes, the corners of her lips threatened to curve into a smile but she bit her lip instead to force it away. HA! She thought it was funny! All I had to do was be goofy and charming and I'd crack her shell. I couldn't help but smile as we made our way to the truck where everyone was waiting. Tuari had gone earlier to help set up.

"He's worse than Dad, Momma," Phoenix declared with her drab tone as soon as we hopped into the backseat, squishing Ruthie between us – which she didn't seem to mind one bit.

"Hey!" I cried in defense, making them all laugh. I shook my head at Phoenix disapprovingly and she rolled her eyes back. I couldn't help but laugh too.

She's awesome, even though she refuses to smile.

The bonfire was right on First Beach near a group of trees, sinks and the bathroom huts. There were picnic tables and fire pits all over the place. A cleaning crew was there at the carpark compacting the day's garbage into a huge skip. I watched Paul walk over to the older Quileute men and ask them if everything was good today. They said yes and he gave them money for a night cap and dinner. The men thanked him and went back to work.

He rejoined us then, earning a kiss from his wife, then we proceeded forward. We were all holding something to be eaten with everyone. I couldn't wait to try all the food. I was so used to Enid's cooking it was nice to try something different.

Phoenix looked over at me and my nerves instantly relaxed for some reason. I was about to meet a lot of new faces, I hoped I'd remember them all. They seemed to be very important to the Lahotes. Kids and adults were everywhere, and a few teenagers like me and Phoenix. I instantly found Tuari talking to a guy and three girls, one of them being Josie from the party. Instead of breaking away I stayed with the Lahotes though, and placed the trays down on the table as I was instructed.

I was then introduced to Emily and Kim who were married to Sam Uley and Jared Cameron. Emily had a horrible scar on one side of her face but she was still very beautiful, in fact, Josie looked just like her. Emily and Sam had Sammy 21, Josie 17, Lissa 9 and Matthew aged 12. Kim and Jared had a daughter Destiny 16, and twin boys Hunter and Asher, 13.

I couldn't help but notice that Sam and Jared were pretty muscular too. Even though they were older they looked pretty great, at least ten years younger. The parents looked like older siblings rather than parents. I had seen enough people around the Reservation so far to notice that most guys didn't look like them – or rather - us.

I suddenly felt my heart racing. Was my father going to be here tonight? I wanted to meet him of course, but now that it could finally happen I was totally freaking out.

"What's wrong?" I felt Phoenix move to stand beside me, but the thoughts wouldn't stop racing through my mind.

"Nothing." I told her with a quick smile.

"No, something's wrong with you, you're freaking out. What's wrong?" she hissed quietly, her hand wrapped around my arm now.

"I just..." I didn't want to say it, but I couldn't lie to those curious green and brown eyes. "I was just wondering who would be here."

"Oh. Well, don't worry about that now okay? He's not back yet. Just say hi and enjoy the food and legends." She squeezed my arm gently but didn't immediately let me go. I felt touched that she knew exactly who I was talking about. I tried not to look at her too much but I could see that she was aware of what was happening, there was definitely some kind of chemistry between us. She dropped her grip on my arm and wrapped her hands around herself, seeming to shut down again as her face wore a blank stare now. I watched her stomp away towards Josie who hugged her and whispered in her ear. Phoenix nodded and looked down at the ground.

"You okay kid?" Paul asked now, a little sternly.

I looked at him, feeling embarrassed and just nodded. I guessed he didn't like his daughter touching me.

But I couldn't stop looking at the faces of the men here, wondering. I felt both disappointment and relief knowing that Embry wasn't coming. The adults talked around me and I learned all about their lives. Emily Uley apparently owned a co-op bakery and was head of the weaving department at the factory. She ensured that weaving was taught at the local tribal school from a young age so that young girls always had a skill to bring them income. They told me that growing up on the Rez and starting a family at a young age was tough in their days because jobs were hard to come by and hardly paid well. Kim worked at the clinic and managed the tribal day care which had been set up by Emily's cousin Leah who had moved away to further her education degree. Corrie restored the old library and brought in computers and all kinds of business technology for students and locals to use instead of having to go to Forks or Port Angeles.

It was Paul and Jacob Black - whom I'd meet sometime soon they said - who had first brought money to the Reservation and improved everyone's way of life. It was them funding all these new places and homes for the tribe. Jared and Sam co-owned the construction and overall maintenance company that was doing all the building and renovations. Sam told me that he was my uncle, that Embry was his half-brother and reassured me that my real father would be happy to meet me when he got back. When I asked him if he shouldn't tell Embry now so that he'd come back, he readily agreed with Paul that it was best to let Embry finish his business acquisition first. He believed that it would only interrupt his business and buying this company wasn't something that Embry could put off. I had no choice but to accept it, but still it kinda pissed me off. But I tried to be understanding.

Quil was the principal at the local school and an overall community representative and Jonathan worked for both the factory and gym. Brady and the other guys also had jobs with Sam and Jared. Jacob, Sam, Paul, Quil and Leah made up the Tribal Council along with some elders, so it was their job to make things great around here.

Paul and Jacob apparently funded new apartments and housing with low rent so that young people could afford them. Jacob and his wife also funded the new clinic and the shopping plaza. There was a movie theatre and hotel too. The idea was to make the town attractive to tourists. People always came for the beaches and James Island, so the Council was trying to make them stay longer than a day to give the local economy a boost that could sustain everyone for generations to come.

It was incredible. They were practically building up their town themselves. I wondered if my mom even knew how great La Push was. A feature in her magazine could really help them out in time to come.

After I chatted here and there with the adults, I thankfully got to spend time with my age group – Phoenix, her brother, Sammy, Josie, Destiny and Amber who was Sammy's girlfriend. They were all really nice in my opinion.

After a while Benjamin arrived, I remembered Paul mentioning him before. He was tall and tanned like the rest of us, but I could tell he was the oldest one of the young group. He looked to be in his early twenties.

He came over and said hi to me, introducing himself, and I did the same. But he quickly moved on to Phoenix, pulling her against his chest and kissing the top of her head.

"You okay, Nixie?" he asked, with a little too much emotion in his voice.

Nixie?

Phoenix nodded and closed her eyes, leaning into his chest as if he truly was a source of comfort. I had to look away, because honestly, it was hard to watch. For some stupid reason I wanted to be a source of comfort for her too. I couldn't stop looking at the way their heads were huddled together as he told her how cute she looked tonight, even brushing back a lock of her hair.

The conversation continued around me, and I had no idea what they were talking about half the time, but Josie at least tried to include me here and there, asking about California. Sammy and Tuari started talking about some football game they saw once with a guy named Avery and after telling the story things got kind of quiet and awkward. I saw Sammy and Tuari watch over by Benjamin and their faces grew apologetic.

Phoenix was visibly very upset.

"Sorry Nix," Tuari mumbled sheepishly. It was weird seeing a big guy be so child-like.

"Don't apologize, we can't pretend that he didn't exist just because she won't make peace with his death," Josie said, in my opinion, rather harshly.

Phoenix's eyes jumped over to her friend, her face contorted in disbelief and pain. I wanted to tell Josie off for being so insensitive.

"Josie! You don't have to be so mean," Benjamin scolded her, causing Josie to scoff.

"I'm not being mean, I'm being truthful, all she does is cry and I'm sick of it! We're all sick of it! She wasn't the only one who cared about him, he was my _twin_ for Christ's sake! We have a right to talk about him whenever we want to!"

Tuari tried to pull Josie into his embrace but she shrugged him off. "Oh stop it Ari! I'm fine! Go comfort your sister."

Josie stormed off, leaving us all staring after her in shock. So Avery was her twin brother and he died? Whoa. I wondered how. This was heavy. He died so young. He had to have been Phoenix's boyfriend or something like that then, for her to be so affected by it. She must have really loved him…I know it was stupid but a part of me was jealous.

I felt my body grow really hot and my arms started trembling a little. Shit, it was the symptoms coming on at the worst time! I felt something bubbling in my throat and before I knew it, a low growl was erupting in my voice. My fists were balled tight and I wanted to smash something. What the fuck was wrong with me? It was embarrassing.

"Hey Jace!" It was Tuari and Sammy. "You okay man? You need to calm down."

But I couldn't look at them, I couldn't control my breath.

"Jace, look at me," Sammy ordered me, and something about the tone in his voice made me listen. I turned my head to him and stared into his really dark eyes. They were like coals.

"You need to calm down alright? It's time to eat and listen to the legends, come sit with us. Or do you need to leave?"

Somehow I found my anger slowly dissolving under Sammy's stern gaze. Sammy was right and I should listen to him. I nodded and rubbed my face with my hands to refresh myself, not daring to look over at Phoenix again. Why the hell was I acting like this? Was it because of Phoenix? That would just be stupid.

I turned to follow Sammy when I caught Tuari staring at me as if he wanted to rip my head off. I took a step back, shocked and honestly a little afraid at what that meant.

We went and joined the line for the food and I sat with the group as Sammy suggested. He and Tuari ate a ton of food like I did, even Quil, Jonathan, Adrian, Zack and Brady from what I could tell. I didn't look left nor right but I knew that Phoenix was sitting right in front of me. I wasn't up for any conversation and I was glad that no one was forcing me to talk too, even though I knew this was all for me and I needed to act friendly.

Somehow I could feel her eyes on me and I looked up involuntarily to meet her curious gaze. I quickly looked back down again, not wanting to acknowledge her any more than that. I had no claim over her nor was it my place to defend her. I was simply making a fool of myself so it was best to just leave her alone. Benjamin was still glued to her side any way, while Josie sat with her parents.

After we ate thankfully it was time for the legends of the tribe to be told, so I didn't have to worry about talking to anyone. I found a mat and carried it a little off to the side of Paul and Corrie where they were stretched out on one of the lounge chairs all the adult couples were using. The others made their own little group on the sand and Josie called me over, but I declined. I couldn't be near her, Tuari, Benjamin or Phoenix.

"Is everything okay?" Paul asked me. "The pups treating you alright?"

"I'm great, just wanted to get closer so I don't miss anything." It was sorta true.

"Alright hun," Corrie smiled.

The children were all bundled in blankets at Sam's feet, eating ice-cream. Ruthie came over with a small wooden bowl with some for me and I readily accepted it with a smile. She was a sweet little sister. I offered her a seat next to me but she declined, running back over to one of the twins, Hunter or Asher, I couldn't be sure.

Sam told the tribal legends to the group. I had learned that he was acting chief while the rightful chief Jacob lived away with his family for parts of the year in Canada and Alaska. Old Billy Black, the chief when they were younger, had passed away three years ago. I couldn't believe that I was related to a leader of the tribe. My roots here were strong and important.

What was this strange peace and magic here with these people? It wasn't really the entire tribe, it was them, this group of friends and family. I didn't know that people lived like this and I wanted to belong.

I looked down at my hands and thought of my face and my hair, my size and height…who was I to them? Who was Embry? I pushed back that familiar burning need to finally figure out who I was as a person.

Sam told the legend of the wolves and the spirit warriors, and I finally understood why Paul loved wolves so much. They believed in the wolf blood and magic in their bloodlines that turned men into wolves to defeat Cold Ones. But vampires couldn't really exist right? I mean, come on!

VAMPIRES?

After the legends Paul asked me what I thought.

"It was really cool, but is it supposed to be fact or fiction? Like aren't legends just old bedtime stories?"

Corrie chuckled. "What do you think they are?"

"I dunno, honestly. I mean it can't be true but it sounds so believable."

"Don't try to make up your mind about it just yet, you only just got here, Jace." Paul winked at me and I chuckled.

"I'm not going to get spooked by vampires in the woods," I told him jokingly.

"Good, you shouldn't. You're much fiercer than some stupid leech ever could be." Pau growled in the most menacing manner.

Corrie laughed and slapped his chest. "Paulie don't give him a heart-attack, look at his face!"

I had paled a little and my mouth was hanging open. He said it as if he knew from experience.

"Relax, kid. Go find the others before it's time to go." Paul shooed me off.

I got up obediently but I didn't want to go back to the others. Benjamin was there still with Phoenix, chatting away and the pain in my chest was too much. I was being so stupid over a girl I had only just met, and could never be with. I decided to take a walk down to the water to clear my stupid head, taking care not to let my shoes get wet.

"Hey what's up with you earlier?"

It was Josie, smoking a clove cigarette a little ways down. I had smelled the smoke but didn't bother to check it out.

"Nothing," I said.

"Why so glum?"

She came over and offered me a pull but I declined, I hated the taste of any cigarette. I could see that it was some kind of homemade joint, wrapped in tobacco leaf. Since we were alone I pulled out my vape pen and took a hit, offering her a pull which she accepted with a smile.

"Just tired." I said, thinking it was the easiest answer to come up with.

"Did you like the legends?"

"Uh, yeah…yeah I did." I shrugged and she giggled, bringing my attention to her face. "You don't really believe in them do you?" I asked her.

"I don't have to believe, I _know."_

"Seriously?"

"I've seen a leech before, we all have. The Cullens."

"Wait, the vampires in the legend?"

"Yeah, we know them."

"Josie, if you're trying to scare me it's a dumb plan!" I scoffed, shaking my head in disbelief, but the raised pores on my skin said that I was a little freaked out as well.

"Look, I'm not going to tip-toe around you just because you're new or whatever Jace. You're one of us, everyone can see that. We didn't expect it, but here you are! So it would be in your best interest if you understood that the legends are real okay?"

"If you want me to, I'll believe you," I joked. But I honestly couldn't wrap my head around the whole vampires and wolves thing.

I was about to ask more but Josie started to walk away, effectively shutting me down. I saw that Tuari was coming toward her. My ears picked up their conversation easily.

 _"What did he want?" Tuari demanded._

 _"Nothing, he just seems sad or something."_

 _"Did you see what he fucking did earlier?"_

 _"So what Ari? If he likes her what's the big deal? You and I both know what that likely means for them, so just stay out of it, your sister could use a distraction anyways, she's getting on my last nerve."_

 _"Come on, cut her some slack, at least she actually came tonight."_

 _"Yeah but she's not even trying to have a good time."_

 _"You need to make up with her Jose, I don't like seeing you both upset like this."_

 _"Don't tell me what to do, you don't own me regardless of what you think."_

 _"Babe please! When are you going to stop being so difficult?"_

I sighed. I had no idea what was their issue with one another, but I couldn't get over what she said about Phoenix and me. She seemed to want me to hang out with her friend. Clearly Tuari didn't, so I was going to keep my distance. I really didn't want us to not hang out anymore, he was cool otherwise.

I turned then and trudged back to the group. Phoenix's eyes immediately found mine and I heard her heart pick up the pace. "Hey," I called to her automatically, and she came over, surprisingly. For once Benjamin wasn't around.

"Hey, I was wondering what happened to you?"

"You were?" I raised my eyebrows. "I'm flattered that you missed me."

"I didn't say that I missed you?" she said, taken aback. Her eyes widened and she actually stepped away from me as if I'd offended her.

"I was just joking," I clarified, since she totally didn't find it funny. I felt like a complete idiot yet again. I was ready to go back to the house, this just wasn't my night.

She thought for a moment and hung her head. "It's okay, I guess I just don't joke much anymore."

"Duly noted," I murmured. No joking, she was grieving…right…it would do me well to remember that.

"So how did you enjoy the legends?" she asked, thankfully changing the subject.

I rubbed the front of my teeth with my tongue before answering, thinking how serious everyone seemed to be about their old stories- well, I guess they were mine now too. My hands were shoved deep into my back pockets and I tried not to stand too close to her. "Well, they were really cool to hear about, but I just don't know if to believe them or not. It seems like everyone else does though."

She nodded and looked out on to the water in the distance. We were kinda backing everyone on the outskirts of the bonfire.

"The legends have a lot of truth in them, they are Quileute history not just stories. They speak about love, loyalty, bravery, sacrifice, family…it all applies someway to our lives, so they're real on different levels... The Third Wife story is my favorite."

"Why?" I was kind of impressed by her mature answer.

"Well, because it's the story of The Imprint I guess?"

"What's so special about that? What does it mean?"

She looked back to see who was around us. I followed her eyes and saw that she met eyes with the men of her family and a few others standing around. For some weird reason I felt as if they could hear us. I could hear lots of conversations going on around us too, but I wasn't listening. Were they listening?

"Let's just say that as little girls Josie and I used to dream about being imprinted on by a wolf. It always seemed like a fairytale, like being a Disney princess basically. It's the ultimate love story, to meet your soulmate, to give yourself to another completely and know that they are forever yours."

"Wow, that sounds heavy." Wolf soulmates?

"It is…but I used to think it was the best thing in the world." She got this dreamy then sad look in her eyes that made my insides go soft. I wanted to hold her close, to touch the skin of her face and have her look at me so I could get lost inside the pools of her eyes.

"Have you uh, imprinted?"

"Have I been imprinted on by a wolf you mean?" she looked at me with narrowed eyes, yet somehow I knew by the tone of her voice that she was attempting to joke since I had said I didn't believe it really.

"Uh I guess that really was kinda stupid, sorry – forget I asked."

"It's not stupid Jace. But the answer is no…" but the way she said it, it sounded like she was sad about that.

Fuck, she and Josie really believed in the legends! Were there really men here who could turn into wolves?

I definitely needed to learn these legends better since I was one of _them,_ a Quileute, I mean, this special group of people I had come to know so intimately. It was confusing because I didn't really know how it was possible for the wolf-men to exist far less vampires. It was freaky and I wanted no part of that.

But something told me that it was something I'd have to wrap my head around because _they_ believed it to be true.


	9. The Truth

AN: And Introducing Phoenix. Beware, she is a depressed and self-involved mind to delve into and will be that way for a few chapters. Try not to let her get on your nerves lol.

No copyright infringement intended on Stephenie Meyer's work!

Chapter 7 – The Truth

PHOENIX

Since Jace Montgomery arrived in La Push I found myself thinking about him.

And I didn't like it one bit.

He was interesting, being new and all, and he seemed to be interested in getting to know me, he was nice. But I couldn't make room in my mind for him. Not with Avery gone.

Avery Uley.

There wasn't a day or an hour that went by that I wasn't consumed with grief over his death.

My best friend, the first boy who'd ever kissed me was gone…forever.

I missed him so much that it broke my heart into two and I had no clue how to mend it. I had no desire to. Not after what had happened….

I knew I was hurting everyone with my constant wallowing. I knew that I was hurting my parents by shutting them out, pushing them and my siblings away. I knew that I was hurting Josie and the rest of the Uleys by being a constant reminder of his absence. Josie was right to shout at me earlier at the bonfire. I wasn't making his death any easier on anyone.

But what could I do? I couldn't stand to hear the mention of his name, I couldn't laugh and joke about him, I could only miss him terribly. I hadn't gotten to that point like everyone else, where it was easy to talk about him without crying buckets of tears. It was almost a year now, and quite frankly I didn't understand how they could laugh and talk about him so quickly, so easily.

I resented them for not hurting as much as I was.

I almost envied them too.

And now there was Jace. I hadn't expected him to come along and be so much like the person I was missing. I mean, he wasn't exactly like Avery, but he was in the process of phasing, like Avery had been. He had the height, the hair, the lighthearted personality that Ave had. They were cousins, anyone would notice the family resemblance if they had ever stood side by side.

And the attentive way he was with me immediately, like a protector, a friend…like Avery. He didn't even know me at the party and yet he had come over and tried to help, the next morning at breakfast it was the same. He was sweet and I almost hated him for it, because he made me want to cling to him, to steal back something of the person I had lost.

Even I knew that wasn't right.

It was all too much.

Jace was not Avery, he never could be. Plus he was only here for the summer so it would be really smart of me not to get attached in any way. Not like Daddy would allow that to happen anyways, he was wary of Jace being in the midst of phasing – he was dangerous unintentionally. That's why I thought it wrong of them not to have told him the truth at the bonfire. I mean, what was the point of having it and not tell him? The legends only served to confuse him more.

When we had first arrived at the bonfire I saw the way he panicked when he looked around at everyone. I knew what he had been thinking, he was wondering about Uncle Embry. What else could make him freak out like that? What surprised me wasn't his reaction though, it was mine. I dunno why I was so concerned…it had been so long since I felt like that about anyone…including my own family. I had been so focused on my pain and missing Avery that I hadn't felt anything other than that in a whole year.

And although Jace was nice I knew that I couldn't be friends with him because it wouldn't be right to move on from Avery. Avery was my guy friend, he was my everything and no one could take his place.

I could only hope that Jace wouldn't try so hard to be friends with me. I couldn't deny that he was adorable – cute and sweet at the same time. He reminded me so much of the pack with his height, his muscles, his jet black hair which he loved so much –but his eyes. I'd never seen that shade of eye color before. They were beautiful and uncommon for a Native to have. But I knew it had to do with his mother being Caucasian. Mom had pictures of Valerie in her study but I couldn't see the resemblance between her and her son. He was all Quileute.

I couldn't help but notice the nervous way Jace looked at me or talked to me. He was funny too, and shy, yet friendly. I liked that he wasn't arrogant like Jonathan or overly possessive like Benji - although his actions earlier might have proven otherwise. I was shocked at how upset he got when he saw us together. Benji was like my older brother so I certainly didn't feel anything romantic for him.

"Whatcha thinking about so hard?"

I turned to face my mother and sighed. "Nothing…" I hadn't even heard her come into the room. I was in the kitchen alone, staring blindly as I thought about things and drank some hot chocolate. I was always trying to warm myself but since Avery died, nothing worked. I was always cold and empty.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Daddy and I are so happy that you came out tonight. It was so good to have you there with us. I know it meant a lot to the Uleys to see you out and about. Emily worries about you, you know?"

I simply nodded. It was hard being there tonight without Avery, I wouldn't pretend otherwise.

"Jace seemed a bit put out though…" I could hear the desire for me to open up in her tone.

I nodded again, and again offered nothing more. I wasn't going down that road, I wasn't even going to think about him acting weird around Benji. Momma realized I planned to remain tight-lipped and sighed. She went to the fridge where she pulled out ingredients to make sandwiches – no doubt for Daddy. He wasn't a wolf anymore but he loved his belly. I got up and washed my cup before whispering "goodnight" and slipping up the stairs.

This whole day had been too much; too many people and too many emotions. I just needed to be alone.

Before the bonfire I had gone to visit my great-grandmother, Grammie Redbird. She was in her eighties but still spritely in some ways. She had a harder time in the garden because she couldn't bend as much and was partially blind so I tried to help her out when possible. Plus, being over there was like an escape for me too. She knew I hated to talk about Avery and that the plants and outdoors soothed me as much as anything could.

My great-aunt Jody lived there too, Momma's auntie. Momma's first cousin Leanne, Aunt Jody's daughter came to visit sometimes. She was once a wolf too, part of Daddy's pack back in the day. She had been like an older sister to Benji growing up, but she worked at a lab in Port Angeles now so she was gone a lot. Grammie had mentioned that she'd be here soon. She wasn't exactly close with us but she seemed to love Benjamin a whole lot, I bet he was the reason she was coming to visit. Since he was at college in Seattle they likely rarely saw one another.

I pulled off my clothes, once safe in the sanctuary of my room and just stood there in my underwear looking at the pictures of Avery that were all over my room. In a fight of desperation I had stuck every single one on the wall, scared that I'd forever lose him if I didn't have his face all around me.

Pulling on a pair of sweats and an oversized shirt I climbed into bed and buried myself under the covers.

Yet another day had gone without Avery and I welcomed the respite that sleep could grant me as long as I didn't have any nightmares. Hopefully tonight I would get at least a few hours where I wouldn't be haunted by the pain or memories of the day he disappeared.

The next morning I got up, still tired because of the stupid dreams. Grammie kept telling me to sleep with the crystals she gave me, under my pillow, but I'd always forget. I brushed my hair and went down for breakfast. I was comfortable enough in my pajama pants and hoodie until I took a shower and washed the smoke out of my hair later. I was surprisingly the only one up besides Momma and decided to help her out with the food. Nana, Daddy's mother Ruth Lahote, was usually around to cook for us but she was away with her boyfriend Uncle Bob. They'd been together as long as Momma and Daddy had but never got married since Daddy's father disappeared and never gave her a divorce.

"You okay kitten?" Momma asked as she plopped a kiss on my head. I nodded. "You sure?"

"Yes, Momma, just tired I guess."

"Hmmm, did you have any nightmares?"

I guiltily shook my head while I cracked the eggs into the big ceramic mixing bowl we always used. It was white with blue and yellow stripes around it, which matched perfectly with the theme of the kitchen. The room was filled with light with white walls and accents of pastel blue and yellow, the latter color being Momma's favorite. I had a lot of great memories in this room, especially when Daddy made us breakfast. He liked to cook with loud music playing and would always sing while working. He was a pretty good cook and singer too. Those were just two of my father's many talents.

"Well that's a small mercy. I know it will get better honey, you just have to let go a little and it won't hurt as much."

The tears instantly pricked my eyes. "Don't tell me to let go," I whispered hoarsely.

"Oh honey, I don't mean forget, I just want you to be happy again, we all do. And the more you hold on to Avery the less it can happen." She tried to hug me but I pulled away.

"Oh because if something happened to Daddy you'd let go? Momma we both know you'd never let go! You'd be devastated!"

"Yes I would be – because we have a family, children together, we built a life and for years he has loved me like no other person ever could on this entire planet! You and Avery didn't have any of those things which makes it a hell of a lot easier to find your feet again, you just don't want to! And quite frankly young lady, you're being selfish!"

I felt as though she'd slapped me across the cheek. I was being selfish? I didn't have someone who loved me like no other person on this planet? How would she know? Avery was my BEST friend, he was my first love just like Daddy was hers! Just because he never got the chance to imprint on me meant nothing! He would have if only he had lived. He was so close to phasing. If he had maybe he would have survived….I still didn't understand how the water had taken him away so easily…Avery was strong.

Momma's face crumpled with guilt and she immediately apologized. But I didn't want to hear it. In fact, I didn't even want to be here right now. I shoved the bowl away from me and ran back up to my room, ignoring her shouts for me to come back. I locked my bedroom door and threw myself against the mattress, screaming into my pillow. No one understood how I felt, no one knew how much he meant to me, they chose not to see that we were soul mates, that we were meant to be. I didn't care what any of them thought, I knew in my heart that it was true.

I couldn't let him go. Avery had taken a huge part of me with him when he died, and if I tried to move on, I'd never survive.

A while later a soft knock came at my door. "Nixie?"

It was Ruthie. I sighed. I couldn't ignore her. She would sulk and Daddy would probably get mad. She was his little princess after all. I trudged to the door and unlocked it, letting her in.

"Daddy said to come and eat. Benji's coming over." I grunted and made no move. "Please Nix? Please come eat with us, don't be sad anymore."

I rolled my eyes. "I can't just turn it off like a switch Ruthie, you wouldn't understand."

"I miss Avery too, yuh know? So does Lissa and Josie and Ari and Sammy and Matty. But Auntie Emily says he wouldn't want us to be sad, he liked to laugh and play, so we have to laugh and play now too to make him happy in heaven."

Her sweet innocence was like a knife to my heart. It was true, it was all true, but still I couldn't just pretend to be normal right now. But because my little sister had tried to cheer me up I allowed her to take my hand and lead me back downstairs.

"Morning," I mumbled to my father and brother as I took my usual seat between Daddy and Ruthie.

"Morning baby girl, you alright sweetie?" Daddy asked. I met his eyes briefly and nodded hoping he'd be satisfied with that.

"Phoenix honey, I hope you're not mad I didn't meant to hurt you baby."

"It's fine Momma." I answered curtly, keeping my focus on the plate before me.

Jace came in with slightly rumpled hair (for once), dressed in a wrinkled tee and gray sweats. Even though I tried not to, I couldn't help but notice how annoyingly cute he was. He shyly met my stare and said "Good morning," and I mentally scolded myself for blushing. I didn't know why that happened, but the extra attention he paid to me felt…well, whatever, it didn't matter.

They were all sitting around the table chatting happily – although I noticed some tension between Jace and my brother – when Benjamin breezed into the kitchen.

"Morning family!" he greeted us with a smug smile, kissing Momma, me and Ruthie before he pulled up an extra chair and squashed himself next to me. He wasted no time dishing out a plate of food for himself.

"So how's it going in Seattle, Benji? Final year coming up son," Daddy said. He loved Benji as his own, he was like Daddy's real firstborn before Tuari came along. Daddy was paying for his college and apartment in Seattle. Benjamin had no other father and his mother Amy was very quiet and lived alone here on the Reservation. She worked at the bank. She'd had Benji at eighteen and Daddy had helped her all these years, although I never understood why, they weren't really related to us from what I could tell. Amy never came here.

Benji and my father talked about college and whatnot, and I tried to keep my eyes focused on my plate. Somehow I could feel Jace's discomfort now. He had been laughing and talking with Momma and Ruthie before Benji came in, now he just sat there, eating quietly. I hated this awkwardness. It was bad enough for everyone that I was mopey all the time, he shouldn't be too, he had only just gotten here and honestly Benjamin had done nothing to him. Why was he acting so weird?

"Wanna hang out later?" Benji leaned over and whispered in my ear as I stuffed the last of my pancake into my mouth. I had tried to eat more this morning for once. But I dunno, I actually had more of an appetite.

I nodded and shrugged. I didn't really have anything much planned. It was rainy out. I risked looking up at Jace, and wondered if he'd heard. He looked as if he was going to be sick.

Jace pushed away, politely excusing himself as he went. For a brief second our eyes met across the noisy table and I hated that I could see anger in those smoky gray eyes.

JACE

Paul invited me to the gym for a workout the morning after the bonfire. After a somewhat awkward breakfast I was glad for the escape. I could feel the anger slowly burning me from the inside out. I just couldn't stand to see Phoenix and Benjamin so close together even though it had seemed so harmless. I didn't understand why I was having such a strong negative reaction to the dude – maybe it was because he ignored me purposely. It was like he was trying to prove some kind of point to me - that I was nobody maybe? I hadn't quite figured it out yet. I just knew that he and I weren't going to be friends.

We jogged a few times around the entire compound first as a warm up despite the light shower of rain. Paul said I should get used to the wet because La Push was always like this. He loved to run in the morning but wouldn't take me into the woods, it would tire me out too much before we actually got into the gym, he said.

We spent time on each machine testing my strength. He told me that I was super-strong already that I was going to get even bulkier over the summer. He made me promise to watch my eating habits, to cut out sugar binges and stock up on protein shakes and carbs instead, I'd need proper energy to feed my muscles and my growth spurt. He suggested that I hit the gym at least twice a day and anytime I felt my anger coming on. He said not to worry about destroying any machines, that he'd simply replace it.

This man seemed to know so much about me and what I was going through, and I just really needed to know the truth.

"Paul, why do I look like Tuari and Sammy, and even you and the other dads? I mean, I get that I'm half Quileute, but the physical resemblance is so strong between us, not like others on the Reservation."

He put the barbell down and took a deep breath, his hands on his hips. He motioned to me and we walked over to the fridge and got bottles of water. There were also chips of ice.

"Honestly, I'd prefer if your father told you about this stuff."

"I'd prefer that too but he isn't here now is he? Didn't you call him? Or is it that he just doesn't want to meet me?" I found myself feeling really agitated now. Why wasn't he trying to unite me with my mysterious father?

"Don't get upset Jace, I called him but Embry's really busy. He said he'd come as soon as he could. He and Jacob are buying a bike company and are in the midst of heavy negotiations right now. Apparently it isn't going well."

"So he knows about me?"

Paul shook his head guiltily. "I want to tell him in person. It seemed like the right thing to do. Embry's been working on this deal for a long time, he deserves to finish it now that the owner finally decided to sell."

So business was more important than me huh? Right, I was used to it. Fucking hell! Wasn't there one person who thought I was more important than work? I was trembling now and breathing hard and fast. My fists were tight and that stirring in my chest started up. I felt my temperature rising along with the need to crush something.

Paul looked me straight in the eye and ordered me to the punching bag. For some reason I couldn't not listen to him, there was something in the tone of his voice that made me obedient just like with Sammy.

I found myself at the punching bag, screaming, punching, hitting, kicking. Paul just stood there, right behind the bag telling me what to do to perfect my technique. I was grateful too otherwise I'd just be throwing one colossal hissy fit in the middle of the gym right now.

"Control the energy, don't let it control you!" he kept saying. "Channel it, put it into the bag!"

When I'd exhausted myself I just dropped onto the mat.

"Feel better?" He asked, standing above me.

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean I don't have more questions."

"I know, Jace. I want to tell you but I'm having a problem deciding the best way to do it. In my day Sam didn't say anything until after the symptoms stopped happening."

"So you went through this exact same thing as me?"

"Yeah but worse. I always had a really bad temper and every day I was either beating someone to a pulp or breaking furniture everywhere I went. No one could be around me for long because everything they said ticked me off. I could hardly go to school and my grades were shit."

"Yeah…I did something really stupid before I came too." I hung my head in shame.

"Listen, that doesn't matter right now, you just need to focus on getting better."

"How am I going to get better? Be real with me, is it just boxing?"

"No, it isn't Jace. And this is the part I dunno how to explain."

"Look, I don't want you to sugar coat anything, please just tell me the truth Paul."

He sighed and pulled off his sweaty black vest, throwing it on a bench. He took a few steps and then turned to face me. "The legends are real and you're in the process of becoming a spirit warrior. This sickness is gonna keep building until you literally explode into a ball of fur."

"What?" I threw my hands up. "What the fuck do you mean?"

"You're going to shift and become a wolf. You won't spirit travel like Taha Ahki did, but your body will transform into a wolf."

I started shaking my head back and forth until it made me dizzy. "How? I – What?" I didn't know what to think or say. If only I had gone to the library before we had this conversation I'd understand more.

"I'm sorry Jace, but I'm telling you the truth. You're going to become pack, like Tuari, Jacob, Jonathan, Adrian, Sammy and Quil: you will shift from a man into a wolf. Sam, Jared, Embry, and I don't phase anymore. There are a few others who were part of the pack over the years that stopped and moved away as well. When I met Corrie I'd been a wolf for a couple years. The pack is very big but not many shifters left. Others are in different parts of the country living their lives since we don't have a vampire problem like before. The only reason why we sometimes have new phasing here on the Rez is because Jacob and Nessie come to visit. She's half-vampire. The pack has accepted her because she is the chief's and alpha's imprint."

I felt a headache coming on and gritted my teeth. The information was a lot to handle. Half-vampire? I'd have to think about that one later.

"So I'm phasing because I'm Quileute?"

"You're phasing because you are of the Quileute bloodline that carries the wolf gene. You are phasing because while in California, you were in close proximity to a vampire at one point or another which triggered your wolf gene. That's why you're getting these symptoms, it's the wolf inside you. It's coming. You just didn't have much exposure to vampires, that's why you haven't phased yet. Normally it doesn't take so long."

"Oh my god…" I groaned. "So I won't be me anymore?"

"You will but you'll shift between forms and eventually get used to it. But honestly you don't need to keep shifting after it happens, you can give it a year because it will be hard to stop when it happens initially. But we aren't under any threats, so after that you can try to stop and just be you again without the wolf."

"So why do the others continue?"

"Well, we understand that vampires exist all over the world, therefore we think it best if our wolves continue to exist so that we can always keep them in line if need be. They are very evil creatures…Plus there are more personal reasons, they enjoy the enhanced body and senses, not aging - "

"I won't age?" I shrieked.

"No, not until you stop phasing to wolf. You will be partially immortal."

"Whoa!"

Paul explained all the attributes of being a shape shifting wolf: the crazy appetite, the super hearing, good eye-sight and smell, the immunity, speed and strength…and of course the ability to smell and sense vampire presence. I was a little nervous about that, but he said that I likely wouldn't have to worry about that ever in life. But he assured me that if I did, I would know what to do. Once I phased, I would be trained in every aspect of being a wolf and hunting vampires.

"If you ever meet one when you go back home, at least you will know what to do."

The idea of facing one on my own was horrifying.

He shared with me how back in his day, all they did was patrol the Reservation and chase vampires. That was his whole life for two years until he decided he wanted to focus on his marriage and starting a business. Then he only shifted once in a while until he finally stopped when Phoenix was three years old.

"So how you feel now? Knowing that this is coming?"

I honestly didn't know how to feel yet and told him so. "I just wanna know who my father is. I want to meet the person who gave me this gene Paul, please?"

He nodded slowly and sighed. "Soon, I promise. I know it sounds wrong but just let Embry get his business together before we knock him over with this news okay? He'll be fucked up but happy to meet you. Honestly, I think he's always wanted a family. He never found anyone else he really cared about after Valerie left Washington."

"So he's a workaholic? Sounds like my Mom. Great, two workaholics, I'm so blessed." I said sarcastically.

"Honestly, if he had a family, I am sure he wouldn't be. He does it to pass the time, so he doesn't have to think about what he doesn't have like us, his brothers."

"Yeah I have noticed that you married guys seem strangely happy, like it's just so extreme it's unreal - no offense or anything, just an observation."

Paul erupted in deep booming laughter that filled the entire gym. "It's the imprint magic."

"What does that mean?" There was that imprint word again, the thing Phoenix wanted.

"When you're a wolf, you can sense lots of things, including your soul mate. One look in her eyes and your wolf knows she's it forever. You become totally devoted to her, you will be anything she wants you to be- her friend, lover, protector. You'll sense her emotions, she'll always have this hold over you like no one else. When you're together, your world is perfect, when you're apart it feels like a piece of you is missing."

"So I'd be totally whupped like you?"

"Well if it happens yes, but it's not guaranteed for every wolf. Brady, Jonathan, Adrian, Zack, they haven't imprinted, some of the others who stopped phasing never did either. But trust me, it's the best thing in the world," he said smugly, not at all threatened by my teasing.

"That's what Phoenix made it sound like too." I murmured, and wished I hadn't.

Paul looked at me for a moment before nodding. "Well, she grew up with me and her mom and her uncles and aunts, she understands that this love is special."

"Is she a wolf too?" the thought suddenly occurred to me.

"No she isn't…Tuari says that you like her. He said that you got angry when you saw her with Benji? And I couldn't help but notice your discomfort this morning when he arrived."

"Yeah, I guess I did, I'm sorry. But it's not that I like her…I just don't think he and I hit it off." Of course I wouldn't admit to having a small crush on his depressed daughter.

"Benji is like my god son, I was his guardian when he was a kid. I knew him from the day he was born so he's part of my family. He and Nix have always been close from the time she was born."

"But he likes her, I can tell. Isn't he too old?"

He laughed at me like I was being ridiculous. "He's twenty-three. I don't think he's stupid enough to try to date my daughter. She's practically his sister anyway, I don't think it's anything romantic what he feels for Nix. It shouldn't be."

"Oh." I felt incredibly stupid for assuming that last night. But I knew what I saw, and I wasn't convinced that Benjamin didn't have other feelings for Phoenix as well. But I would just keep those thoughts to myself.

"But that is not permission for you to try to date my daughter either Jace. You need to focus on not hurting anyone while you're so volatile. You wouldn't want her to end up like Emily would you?"

My eyes widened with surprise.

"Yes, Sam unfortunately did that to her when he imprinted on her. The wolf when it comes, is hard to control in the beginning. Your journey still has to begin Jace, so let's just focus on that."

"We aren't even friends, she barely talks so I don't think you have to worry about that." Even though it hurt to say it, it was still true.

"Good because I don't exactly like the idea of my girls dating anyways. Now let's go get something to eat, I'm sure the bakery's got something nice and fresh to make submarines for an early lunch. Meet you at the truck in twenty."

"Alright, cool."

We raced back to the house, and I ran downstairs to grab a shower and change of clothes. My head was reeling from all the things I had learned that morning. I wanted to disbelieve it all. I wanted to laugh and say "good one!" but in the pit of my stomach, everything Paul told me somehow felt real now. When I thought about it, the symptoms couldn't be denied. I could smell Corrie's flowers from afar. Phoenix called me 'newbie,' knowing I was going to become a new wolf. Ari said he couldn't "wait." Josie told me to basically "man up" and accept that the legends were real and that I was one of _them._ Everyone knew and had already accepted me becoming one of them. I was scared and worried about how I would handle the change when it finally happened, but I knew I could only accept what was happening.

Soon I'd become a wolf, part of a magical secret, and soon I'd meet my father for the first time.

If this wasn't a serious mind fuck, then I didn't know what would be. I didn't want this to happen to me, but clearly I had no fucking choice.


	10. Reality Bites

No copyright infringement intended on Stephenie Meyer's work!

Chapter 8 – Reality Bites

JACE

So my plan on accepting things and rolling with the punches backfired. After we got back from the bakery and I found myself sinking into a state of disbelief and depression. I didn't want this to happen to me. I didn't want to become a beast.

I understood that it wouldn't be permanent, I understood that I would still be me and have my human body, but that didn't take away from the fact that at any given moment, I could burst into a huge ferocious ball of fur that could rip a gash into someone's skin. I had already hurt my mother, slammed her into a wall. What if I had never come here? I might have killed someone.

It didn't help to think that I had inherited this gene to fight vampires also.

Fucking VAMPIRES?

Paul didn't think it was such a big deal, given that most vampires knew to stay far away from our side of Washington because of the wolves, but still. Still, no one could predict the future.

I was wallowing in self-pity by the pool, thinking everything over. I had taken a swim to cool my body temperature down. I was so nervous about the phase, that it would happen precisely at the worst time possible.I was surprised when Phoenix stepped out of the backdoor and joined me, taking a seat on the lounge chair next to mine.

"Are you just gonna sit there all day then?" she asked, dropping a book onto the ground.

"Uh, yeah?" I said, scratching the back of my head awkwardly. But I would probably hit the gym again in a little while. "Are you sure you should be around me? I don't think it's wise." If I ever hurt her, I'd never forgive myself – and Paul would kill me.

"You seem okay to me. So I take it that Daddy finally told you about the pack?"

"Yeah he did… he told me about what was happening to me."

"Oh. And are you okay?" I could tell by her pinched brows that she was pretty concerned and I felt kinda special.

"Not exactly, I'm kinda freaking out. But at least I know now what it is, and that I'm not dying."

She actually snorted and smiled – _smiled_ – for the first time since I met her. It didn't even matter that she was likely thinking that I was really stupid. "Is that seriously what you thought?"

I nodded. "Pretty dumb I know…"

"Not dumb, I saw my brother go through it, and Sammy…and…Avery…I know that the change is hard when it starts, that's what being a newbie is all about I guess."

"Does it scare you?" I didn't know why I asked, it just came out.

"No it doesn't. Tuari's been a wolf for almost three years now. I'm used to it, sometimes he plays with us in his wolf form, like a huge puppy. Ruthie loves it but he just _smells."_

I laughed at that thought, thinking it sounded crazy yet fun. I had been absently staring at the tiles while thinking of Ruth playing with a wolf when I moved my eyes to meet hers.

"It's alright to be scared" she said with an extra gentle tone to her voice somehow.

"I just...don't wanna be a wolf, yuh know? Like _fuck,_ a WOLF? It's totally ridiculous…But I think maybe I just wanna get it over with at the same time. Like phase already and just see what the big deal is. I've been sick for almost a year now and it's just fucking my life up on so many levels. I'm just worried I won't be able to control it."

"Yeah, I guess I could understand that. But maybe you'll be good with control, I mean, look how long you've been going through the transition, it's not normal - it shouldn't have taken so long." She cocked her head on the side, still maintaining eye contact with me.

"Maybe…" I found that comforting. Paul thought I had only been in contact with a vampire one time and that was why I never phased.

"Do you think you'll imprint?"

"Ha! I dunno...I haven't given it much thought." I honestly didn't know how I'd feel about it. The idea of just suddenly falling in love with some random chick wasn't exactly appealing – unless of course she was mega sexy like Phoenix.

"Oh. Well it happens so randomly I guess it's best not to dwell on it too hard."

"Yeah, I guess..."

The conversation lulled then and it was because my mind had gone blank. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. For a moment we just continued to stare. "Your eyes are really pretty," I confessed quietly.

She blushed immediately and dipped her head, and I knew I had made her uncomfortable and ruined everything. "Um…I'll see you at lunch okay? It should be ready soon." She said while she quickly rose to her feet and walked away.

I was seriously crushing on Phoenix and I knew that it would only be a matter of time before my feelings got me into serious trouble. I needed to listen to her father and just concentrate on the wolf.

Something unimaginable was coming my way and I needed to be ready for that.

PHOENIX

When I saw Jace looking almost as pitiful as me outside in the backyard I couldn't help but wonder what was up with him. I felt sorry for him, that he was taking the wolf thing kind of hard. But it was to be expected. He didn't grow up in our culture, so it was more of a shock.

Against my better judgment I found it sweet how he complimented me on my eyes. I could see that he really meant it but I didn't want him crushing on me like he was. I wasn't just some girl that he could hit on either – and I could tell Jace had a way with girls. Maybe it was the little earring in his ear or the way he carried himself that made me think that. My brother was that way until he imprinted on Josie. From the time Ari was like fourteen until he was almost seventeen he was a man-ho – sorry to say it about my own brother but it's true. Then he phased and imprinted and has been in hell ever since because my bestie consistently refused to accept him. I didn't like that Josie was basically pulling him along on a string, but I had learned to just stay out of it.

Although I was apprehensive about getting close, I found myself actually not minding our short conversation. I liked that the conversation was about him and not me. Most of all, he didn't know Avery or about his death in any great detail, so he wasn't too weird around me. He just wanted to be friends, and honestly it was a relief to have the pressure off, to stay clear of Avery as a topic of convo – even though I did manage to mention him at some point. It was just nice to have a talk without someone thinking they had to bring him up somehow, or stupidly apologize to me for the pain.

That's why I kept to myself now. That's why Jace and I had met in the backyard at the party, with me crying in the dark – I had been upset because it was all people could talk about with me. I had gone to the party to clear my head, Josie had practically begged me to come along as a favor to her since she didn't want to go alone. She thought it would be good for both of us to rejoin the Land of the Living. But in the end, I knew I should have stayed home. I had left after meeting Jace.

I guess it was my fault though, because I just couldn't get over Ave, and it showed. People pitied me.

Daddy called me upstairs for lunch, interrupting my thinking time in the laundry room while I changed loads. Benjamin was here again, he'd been in Tuari's room gaming.

I loved when Daddy made his submarines – they were always delicious. I got out a big bag of chips and dumped them in a bowl – couldn't have subs without chips on the side. It was my and Avery's favorite. Daddy smirked at me, knowing that I would have done that very same thing.

Benjamin as always dominated the conversation at the table and because of that Jace was once again reserved and I wanted to butt their heads together. After lunch I slipped on a long tribal print maxi skirt to match my white halter top then shoved my feet into purple flip flips. I grabbed my matching purple beach bag inserting my towel, wallet and sunglasses then met Benjamin at my Wrangler. He had asked to spend time together and I didn't want to disappoint.

We drove down to First Beach now that the rain had stopped, and took a walk along the sand. It was hard for me to come here, to the place where I'd lost Avery…but today I just felt like I could be here – at least on the sand, the water was an entirely different thing.

"So what's the deal with you and that boy?"

"Boy?" I instantly didn't like his attitude.

"You know, _Jace?"_

"What's the deal like what? He's a friend of the family, like _you."_

Benji snorted and shook his head. "I know what you mean but I don't agree. _I'm family_ , he's just some kid who showed up on your doorstep."

"What's your problem with Jace?"

"Aside from the fact that he freaked out when he saw us together at the bonfire? I just don't like him."

"You have no reason to dislike him Benji, you're being silly." I rolled my eyes at his pettiness.

"I don't like how he looks at you."

"Oh really! And how does he look at me?"

"Like he wants you."

I shook my head, shocked at his preposterous statement. I really didn't want to believe that…especially after the way Jace looked at me today before telling me I had pretty eyes. I got a warm feeling just thinking about it.

Avery had always loved my eyes…

"You know as well as I do that nothing is going on between me and him or _anyone._ I'm not interested."

"I know…trust me, but don't you think that it's time you started to get interested again?"

I scowled at him then, "I didn't come here for a lecture Ben, you said you wanted to hang out, if you do then just don't lecture me about moving on okay? I just need everyone to stay out of my business."

Benji shook his head and stopped me, taking hold of my shoulders. "I'm not trying to lecture you…I just hate to see you sad like this Nixie, I love you and I want you to be happy again. I miss the old you, the one who was always up for fun."

I snorted and shook my head. "She's gone, so like everyone else, you need to just accept that and move on." He didn't understand that there was a big gaping hole in my chest where happiness used to be.

"What if I can't accept it? What if I want to make you happy again?"

I was confused now. Then out of nowhere Benjamin's lips were on mine and I was shoving him off of me.

"WHAT THE HELL!" I screamed. "Benji? Why would you DO THAT?"

His face seemed to redden to the color of cinnamon. He was lighter in complexion than all of us, a paler red. He was going on twenty-four and I was only seventeen soon-to-be eighteen, was he out of his mind? Daddy would kill him!

"I-I thought you knew!" he stammered, clearly embarrassed.

"Knew what?! That you don't look at me like a sister anymore?!"

He scrubbed his face and looked around us. I didn't care if anyone was watching us, I felt extremely violated. I felt betrayed. He was my big brother, and this felt SO SO WRONG. Dad saw him as a son, he would be so upset to know that Benji had tried to make a move on me like this.

"We can't date Benji! Daddy would never allow it and I think you know that!" I suddenly started to feel colder than usual and turned to walk back to the safety of my jeep. I felt exposed, violated, disgusted. He was quick behind me, trailing my steps as I stomped over to logs and garbage.

"Look Phoenix I never meant for it to happen, but I like you. I have for a little while now and I'm sorry you're upset."

"You can't honestly believe that you like me like _that_ Ben, this is just, LUDICROUS!"

His face fell then, and he looked down. I instantly felt bad for hurting his feelings.

"I'm sorry for being insensitive, honestly, I'm just shocked. I-I'm really shocked."

He nodded and shrugged. "Just forget about it, I kinda figured it was a big risk anyways…I'm not totally stupid that I wouldn't think that Pa would be upset. I just hoped that maybe if you felt the same…he'd come around."

From a baby Benji had apparently called both the pack and my father "pa" and it stuck. For me that was proof in itself that he and I shouldn't ever be involved, we shared a father whether or not Benji wanted to deny this!

"I understand, and I'm sorry…but I can't…it doesn't feel right, B."

Benjamin looked out to the water then and I could practically see the walls going up in self-preservation. "It's okay, let's just forget this ever happened…please don't…tell anyone." He looked at me then. His jaw was taut but the pain flashed in his warm brown eyes.

"I won't." I stepped over to him and briefly hugged my adopted big brother around his waist.

But nothing would ever be the same for us again.


	11. Confrontation

No copyright infringement intended on Stephenie Meyer's work!

Chapter 9 – Confrontation

JACE

Corrie's Range Rover was off da chain. I loved it more than the Tundra. It was just a smoother ride and it just looked more badass. It was black with heavily tinted black windows, it felt like we were the mafia or something, rolling through town. We were going to Port Angeles so she could pick up some stuff and whatnot for this event she had coming up, a local craft festival by the beach.

"So your uncle informed me that you know the truth now. I was wondering how you're holding up?"

I thought for a few moments before I could reply. It was interesting that she had declared Paul to be my uncle too. I guess I really had been inaugurated into her family already. "I guess the answer depends on the moment. I'm relieved to finally understand who I am and what the hell's been happening to me. But I also don't want to become a wolf. I mean, I can only accept that it's happening, but I wish it wasn't. It's…freaky…I don't want to meet vampires."

"I could imagine how confusing and shocking it all has to be for you. But you won't have to always be a wolf. At least that's one good thing."

"I just feel so cheated. If Mom had told Embry about me, things would have been different. I might have been more ready to face this."

"Yes, Embry would have made sure to be in your life Jace, he would have watched for the signs."

"Did you really not know my mother was pregnant with me?"

"No, I didn't. She moved to LA and I never saw her again. We talked on the phone but Val would always shut me off when I tried to ask her about her life. She's Ari's godmother and he has no clue who she is."

I nodded and sighed, remembering all that I would have to face when I got back home.

"She probably didn't want us to find out about you and I'm not happy with her about that. In fact, I intend to speak to her about that because I don't understand why she kept you from your family. But I know in my heart she had her reasons for this. I want to believe that she couldn't have done this to you or Embry out of malice. She was probably scared and chose to shut everyone from her past out. I think it was her only way of surviving. So promise me that you won't be too hard on her Jace."

Shit, I had forgotten to give her my mother's number.

"I can't promise that Corrie. I'm sorry. I've been asking her since I hit puberty who my real father was and she never answered me. It wasn't right, I had a right to know! Brendon isn't enough for me, he acts like I'm a huge burden, a disappointment. He was never my father in the way I needed. It wasn't her right to take my real father away from me."

"I guess you're right, Jace, I'm sorry." I allowed her to hold my hand and give it a squeeze before she let go again.

"She's not happy. The life she chose never made her happy. She could have been happy here if she had just told him the truth about me when I was born, maybe it would have worked out," I whined like a kid.

"Oh baby, I know. I know. And to be honest, they really did love each other, that's why I know her decision wasn't an easy one to make. She must have had a good reason. Embry was unable to commit long term and I think she just accepted it and did what she thought was best."

"Why couldn't he commit long term?"

"I think that's something your father needs to tell you honey, not me. I'm sorry."

"It's okay." As much as I wanted to know, I wanted to hear it from the wolf's mouth. "I'm just tired of waiting. He should be here."

"He will be soon, just trust the others on this, it's better this way for everyone. Just focus on getting settled before things get tough."

I couldn't agree but I was in no position to argue.

Later that night Tuari actually decided to talk to me again instead of avoiding me like he had been since the bonfire. We'd barely spoken two words to one another since the bonfire and now Benji was around he had his bro to hang out with. Yea I was sour and bitter, and I didn't care.

He found me outside shooting hoops alone on the new set up at the side of the house.

"What's up?" he asked.

"Nothing, just bored I guess."

Tuari took a deep breath and looked at me. "Look if you ever need anything I'm here for you Jace. I know what it feels like to go through the change, and I know it must be worse when you never knew it could actually happen. You didn't grow up in our culture so it would be harder."

"Thanks." I replied sincerely, but continued to shoot another basket. I didn't know what else to say.

"And about my sister, you should stay away from her. You could hurt her, it's not safe."

I huffed, immediately feeling the hairs on my neck rise in defense. "I know that okay? It's not like I'd intentionally try to hurt her Tuari, so just chill."

"Just chill? You don't get how serious this is. You're an enigma when it comes to shifting, but you're still going to phase soon. And your wolf isn't going to be some little dog, it's going to be as huge as a horse or even bigger, you need to be careful now that you're so close. I mean it, you've gotta lay low for everyone else's safety."

I retrieved the ball and tried to relax myself. Horse-sized? Fuck! In my head I was thinking regular sized little wolves running around the woods and it hadn't seemed that bad. But this, this changed everything! I thought back to my first day here and remembered the big animal I thought I saw. It had to have been one of the shifters. If that was the case then what he said was right, then I couldn't argue with that.

"I'll stay away from her," I muttered, then let the ball go.

CORRINE

I was glad Jace gave me Valerie's number today. Since he showed up so unexpectedly in Forks four days ago I had been itching to give her a piece of my mind. She had a SON with EMBRY and kept it from EVERYONE? How could she be so cruel, so heartless? Why would she do something so STUPID?!

No matter what happened between them, Embry would have stepped up had he known. He would have married Valerie in a heartbeat! Heck, he probably would have anyway if Sam hadn't ordered him not to get serious with her. I had always thought that decision to be cruel, especially since Embry never went on to imprint. Although Paul and Embry weren't close since that whole mess with Leanne, he also thought it was a total abuse of Sam's power. Anyone could see that Embry and Val loved one another, it just wasn't fair for Sam to keep them apart. Not everyone was destined to be like him and Leah. But there was just no talking to him once his mind was made up. He was always one to let power get to his head. Now he was practically chief, his ego was ten times as big as when he'd been alpha. It was only Avery's death last year that humbled Sam recently. The loss of his son had really shaken him and Emily to the core. My heart went out to them, I couldn't imagine what that felt like. I tried not to.

Alone in my closet, I sat on the chaise lounge and punched the number into my cell. What hurt me the most was that Val didn't trust me enough to be there for her at least. I would never have let her go through that pregnancy on her own. I'd had such a hard time, I wondered how she had dealt with Jace on her own. At least I had Mom, Grammie, Ruth, Paul and the pack. Who did she have? This Enid person?

It made me sick to think of what Valerie had put herself through. I knew her once, and although I tried to stick up for her reasons in front of Jace, I was sure she had let her pride get in her way. The decisions she made were obviously wrong, they were dangerous. What if Jace had phased in California? It could have been so disastrous!

 _"Yes?"_ A cool, crisp voice came over the connection.

Immediately I was stunned. Valerie sounded so strange, thoughts of a strict headmistress came to mind.

"Val? It's Corrie," I said.

" _Oh, hello Corrine, glad Jace finally gave you my number."_

 _Corrine?_ I guess I couldn't expect anything else but formality from her. We hadn't spoken in over ten years.

"Yes, he did…" now that I had her on the line I had no idea how to say what needed to be said.

 _"Look Corrine, I know this whole thing is a mess. I know I shouldn't have just let him show up like that but he wouldn't take no for an answer. And his behavior has been so erratic I just needed a break._ "

My anger flared instantly. _"_ You're apologizing for sending him here? How about apologizing for keeping him away? You just needed a break? Val are you serious right now? You only let him come here because you just wanted him out of your hair? How could you have kept him from La Push all these years?! That boy is the living image of Embry, he had a right to know he had a son!"

 _"I'm not apologizing at all. And Embry had no right to anything Corrine."_

I gasped. "How could you SAY THAT! He's Jace's father!"

 _"Sperm donor. Jace's father is Brendon, my husband."_

I snorted as my annoyance grew. "Jace doesn't seem to think so."

" _My son is bull-headed, but Brendon's been his father since he was five years old, whether or not Jace wishes to acknowledge that."_

"He is not bull-headed! He has a right to know who he is!"

 _"And that's why I let him go. Has he seen Embry yet?"_

It chilled me to hear how cold and unmoved Valerie was. Here I was all upset and she just sounded as though she couldn't care less about any of this.

"No, Embry is away on business, Paul wanted to let him finish up everything before we told him. It would only mess with his plans and he's been working really hard on this deal."

" _I see. I'm sure my son isn't happy about that decision_ ," she said smugly.

"No he's not. But it's what Paul and the others decided. They just think it would be in Embry's interest if he had time to deal with this situation without his work suffering."

" _Well, I can totally understand that. Please call me when Embry knows. I will make time in my schedule so he and I can talk and arrange visitation."_

I chuckled and shook my head in disbelief. "Val, Jace is an adult, he can legally make his own decisions about which parent he wants to spend more time with and when. If you come here, it's to give Jace and Embry a proper explanation about why you kept them apart for nineteen years."

Valerie sighed into my ear. " _You have no right to judge me Corrine. Just because you got your perfect husband and your perfect life, doesn't mean you get to talk down to me._ "

My mouth dropped in shock. "I was not judging you Val. This has nothing to do with me and my family! Any fool can see that what you did wasn't right! The way Jace talks, it's as if you don't even love the boy! Why are you so cold towards him? He's hurting."

" _I did what I had to do. It was the best thing for all of us. I don't have to justify myself to anyone."_

"Yes you do Valerie! This was not best for Jace! Why did you go through this all alone? I could have been there for you Val, you were my BEST friend. You lied, you totally cut me off."

" _Look, this isn't about you. And I'm not having this discussion with you right now. I have to go now, talk to you soon Corrine."_

The call was disconnected and I stared at my phone in shock. She hung up on me?! After I tried to bare my heart and soul to her? I was hurting for Valerie, I literally felt sorry that she couldn't be with the man she loved all these years. I wasn't trying to make this about me. I just wanted her to know that I would have been there for her.

It had been a long time yes, but the woman I had just spoken to on the other line was a complete stranger.

She was no longer my friend.

I wanted to know more than ever what happened to make her like this. Had Embry hurt her in some unforgiveable way? Why didn't she tell him or me? Clearly she had gotten pregnant when she came for my baby shower! I had done the math and I was certain. No one knew that she had spent the night with Embry – after telling me that she had to head back to Seattle for a school project! What a mess they had created.

Jace seemed to be a nice boy though. In spite of everything I liked him and I had a feeling that he and Phoenix were going to be good friends…maybe even more. I had noticed the caring way he looked at her – so did Paul, although he wasn't so welcoming of it, as to be expected.

If only my daughter would start acting like she was a human and not a zombie. I didn't want to give the impression that I was indifferent to her pain, I wasn't like Valerie at all. I had been trying for the last year to be there for Phoenix, to do all that I could to ease her pain. But she was showing no signs of improving and I had reached a point where I just didn't know what to do anymore so I just let her be. She hated me smothering her anyway. It was what she claimed she wanted and though it hurt I accepted it. The Uleys were doing better these days, everyone was trying to be happy again, except her. If only I could get my daughter to talk, to open up about what happened. If she would only talk about her pain, it would help.

But instead she preferred to keep it all bottled up inside, and stay shut away in that room.

I felt like I was failing her as a parent because nothing I said or did made any difference. I could only hope that she'd let Jace in at some point along the way. Maybe he was just what she needed to be happy again. I knew all too well that the right boy could make life bright again.

I slipped back into the bedroom where my husband had been waiting for me while watching sports news. I knew Paul missed his athletic life sometimes. Being a businessman, father and husband kept him home a lot and it was impossible for him to juggle all of that with boxing. While didn't regret retiring sometimes I wished he could have the best of both worlds, although in some ways he still did because he organized fights and sponsored boxers who trained at the Wolf Moon Boxing Club down in Port Angeles. He had formed his own brand and he had a lot going for him behind the scenes.

I was so proud of my Paulie. Over the years he had risen to the top, he was a shining star in La Push and I couldn't be prouder. He was so mature and so driven, and he grew to be such a loving man to everyone, not just me – even though he still had his Lahote roughness which drove me wild. Paul had given me and our babies such a great life.

When I thought about how tough it had been the first year I'd had Tuari, and then to get pregnant with Phoenix so soon after (because of one drunken night we spent in Phoenix, Arizona while Paul was on business), I couldn't believe that I was the same person either.

"What's wrong baby?" Paul asked, his voice low in my ear and he gently nibbled the tender skin beneath my lobe.

"Just thinking about too much stuff, about everything that's going on with the kids," I curled deep into his side and enjoyed the way our bodies perfectly molded together.

"Did you call her?"

I nodded and sighed. "She's pissed at me, thinks I'm self-righteous basically."

"Don't let her get to you. She was wrong, and she needs to hear it for Jace's sake, and Embry's."

"Yeah, I know. I just wish things could have been different. I wish I had gone to see her, I wish I had found out about Jace, then none of this would have happened. I would have been there, I could have helped her tell Embry, she would have seen how much he missed her Paul."

"It just wasn't meant to be Corr, and there's nothing you can do about that. You're helping her son now, that's all that matters."

I looked up and he looked down at me from the corner of his eye. "I'm so lucky to have you Paul. Why couldn't he have imprinted on her too? It's just not fair. She resents that I got my happy ending. I don't want her to hate me for that."

"Hey, nothing's ended here, I still got at least sixty more years left in this motor," Paul teased before pressing his thick lips against mine. I pressed my head back down against his bare chest and lightly traced his muscles with my finger tip. My leg was draped across his pajama bottoms and he was gently stroking my thigh. "If she wants to be jealous there's nothing you can do about it, honey. We don't need to apologize for our happiness. We both earned it a million times over. Just think about how far we've come babe."

I nodded. I knew he was thinking about how hard we'd had it when Tuari and Phoenix were born. The fights, the lack of sleep juggling two babies. Then one day we just kinda realized (well Grammie helped us both to realize by chewing us out) that we had to do better and that we needed to remember how much love there was between us and things just started to get better. Our kids grew up in a happy stable home because Paul and I were determined to be happy and stable.

"I just want everyone to be happy like we are: Val, Jace, Ari, Phoenix. It's just not right that they all suffered because of love."

"Love hurts sometimes baby, we both know that too. We just have to keep the faith and do what we gotta do to help them when we can. But we can't make their decisions for them. At the end of the day, they all just need to grow the fuck up and handle their shit so that life can move on."

I kissed his warm skin and chuckled. Only Paul could be totally sweet and totally unfiltered at the same time.

God, I loved him.


	12. Connection

This chapter is a bit long, with switching back and forth between Jace and Phoenix, didn't know how else to break it up, so just left it as one since it was really one point in time.

No copyright infringement intended on Stephenie Meyer's work!

Chapter 10 – Connection

JACE

I was stretched out on my bed with a book of Quileute legends I snagged from the Lahote home library. It was around midnight when Ethan called. I couldn't sleep so I was glad for the distraction.

"I'm beginning to think you forgot I exist now. The girls are THAT hott that you can't call a brother and let him know you're alive?"

"Sorry dude, I guess I have been busy just settling in and stuff…" what else could I say? I'm preparing to become a part-time wolf?

"Settling in to some pussy maybe?"

I scoffed. "No asshole."

"She hott?"

I rolled my eyes. "There is no she…" Although I wanted there to be.

"So you haven't met anyone at all? Come on man, there must be some girl!"

"Well, I did meet one called Bethany, got her number." What else could I say to appease him?

"So call her! What's the problem?"

"Nothing I just haven't thought about it yet. I've got shit going on."

"Like what?"

"I've been meeting my father's friends and family, but I haven't met him yet – he's outta town."

"Fuck! I forgot about that. But that's cool though, I mean, I know you wanted this for a long time."

"Yeah, so what's up with you?" I really didn't want to talk about this, not yet.

"Nothing. Been messing around with Nicole a few times since you left."

"And?"

"Anndddd she can't get enough of me." I could hear the smirk on his face in his voice.

That lucky bastard. Nicole was this feisty half-Mexican girl that worked at the same pizza joint as Ethan.

"Well try not to fuck it up."

"And what if I do? You know I don't do relationships, Jace."

"Well just make sure she knows that to save yourself the drama."

"Look at you, all responsible and shit. How's that working for yah? Just how blue ARE your balls now?"

"Fuck off Ethan."

"You should be sending me pictures of all the pussy you're getting, oh wait, you aren't getting any!" he laughed into my sensitive ears which really pissed me off.

"I'm going to bed!" I growled into the phone.

"Hey - "

I ended the call and almost broke my phone by throwing it down on the carpet harshly. That fucking bastard! My body instantly started to heat up and I couldn't stop panting. I felt like a boiling pot's cover.

"Fuck!" I punched air wanting to smash something instead. In fact I couldn't resist throwing my shoe at the wall, not even flinching when I saw the slight dent it made.

Who did Ethan think he was? Yeah I knew what I said, I knew I wanted this summer to be this big epic sexfest for me! But now that I knew what was wrong with me, now that I'd met her, I just wasn't thinking like that anymore! I didn't like him implying otherwise!

That cocksucker!

I tiny voice in my head said that I was blowing things out of proportion but I didn't like when he ragged on me. I found myself climbing out the window, and diving into the pool. The back of the house was done with an Arizona style: terra cotta pots showcasing cacti and trees, furniture with bright solid colors and tiles that were the color of red earth. It was like a little desert oasis right in the middle of the woods. There were solar lights all over the yard so there was a soft white glow all around.

The cool water felt so good against my hot skin that I instantly felt the tension and anger with Ethan ebb away with each freestyle stroke and turn I made. I lost count after ten laps, somehow I just couldn't stop, I kept pushing myself until I literally felt like my chest would explode.

I pulled out and just flattened my body against the tiles, looking straight up at the stars. It was cloudy but there were quite a few mysterious constellations shining down on me.

It hit me that here in this place, I was existing in a totally different world. I would become a whole different me that no one in Cali would know about. Not even my mom or Enid or Ethan. I'd have to live a complete lie until I stopped phasing. And even then, the secret of who I was would be a part of me forever.

I sighed heavily, not sure about how that made me feel.

La Push.

Quileute Tribe.

Wolves.

Magic.

Imprints.

Blood.

Family…

…I woke up to slobber being rubbed all over my face by a coarse padded sponge.

"AAHHHHHH!" I jumped up trying to get it off me, feeling totally disgusted and violated. A barking sound rang out and I literally jumped ten feet in the air as my eyes connected with a giant wolf that was as tall as me. "What the fuck!"

It was a huge gray wolf, with tinges of a reddish-brown and white on his paws. He had a streak of brown just above his forehead as wolf barked once again and lolled its tongue out to the side, revealing its enormous razor sharp teeth which had me taking a few steps back.

"Tuari?" I cried out. The wolf barked and panted happily again, nodding his head.

"Holy shit!"

I wasn't prepared to see one of the wolves up close let alone have it touch me, but here we were!

Here IT was.

Here HE was.

 _The legends are fucking real!_

 _And I am going to become one of THEM._

…I remember nothing after that but being awoken by a distressed, annoyed voice.

PHOENIX

"You're such a jerk sometimes Ari!" I reprimanded my annoying brother who was in the form of a giant puppy right now.

He instantly phased back and untied his shorts – a movement at which I instantly averted my eyes. I focused instead on threading my fingers through Jace's hair while his poor head rested on my lap. He'd hit the tiles pretty hard when he fell and even formed a hairline fracture in one of them.

"He could be seriously hurt you know!" I continued.

Jace emitted a small groan.

"From the sounds of it he's okay. His heart is racing, but he's fine," Tuari laughed again.

"Newbie? You alright?" I asked softly but with a tease in there. I think he was enjoying me playing with his hair! The thought tickled me as I knew of his penchant for perfect hair. He really was becoming a wolf – they all craved physical touch.

"I'm cool," he answered, instantly opening his eyes yet barely making eye contact as an act of self-preservation while he pushed himself up to sit. He then turned to my brother with a smirk on his face and stood before him.

"Real smooth Tuari. Remind me to get you back when I phase." He was trying to appear unruffled but Tuari laughed again and came over and pulled him into a headlock.

Of course it turned into a wrestle until Daddy opened his top floor window and yelled "If you break it you buy it! Now knock it off and go to bed!"

I giggled at Jace's disgusted face when Tuari let him go with another rumple of his hair then ran off, clad only in shorts. Moments later we heard a howl and Jace shivered.

"He's on night patrol," I clarified.

I could tell by his horrified expression that he was truly coming to grips with his pending reality. He was going to be one of them soon.

"He spooked you didn't he?" I asked. Jace shot me a look of annoyance and I felt bad. "I wasn't trying to make fun of you I'm sorry if it seemed that way. I came down as soon as I saw my stupid brother sneaking into the yard from my window."

He didn't seem to like that I'd seen what had happened either.

"I hope your head is okay?" I asked, trying my best to smooth things over with him because I hated the idea that I had upset Jace in some way. I mean, not that I liked him or anything, I just didn't want him to feel even more awkward than he already did around me. I was well aware that I made everyone uncomfortable since Avery died and I became this…depressed, withdrawn, sometimes angry girl.

"I'm fine. Wait what time is it?" he asked, looking down at his soaked basketball shorts, his only piece of clothing.

"It's after one."

"Why are you up so late?" he asked, wearing this cute expression of concerned annoyance, which I much rather preferred to adoration.

"Had a lot on my mind, couldn't sleep," I shrugged. I had been thinking about Benjamin and what happened at the beach. He hadn't spoken to me since, in fact he had been staying at his mom's house, not even coming over for meals. And of course there was Avery, the ever-present longing for him. Somehow I just didn't want to face him tonight in my dreams. Sometimes they were great, it was like being with him all over again and sometimes there would be nightmares of that day…

Either way, I always woke up feeling emptier the next morning and I was honestly starting to grow weary of this cycle. I was growing tired of the agony. Momma would be so happy to hear this, but for me it was not entirely a good thing, I still couldn't let him go…

"Oh. Want some warm cocoa?" Jace asked out of the blue, and I wondered why he didn't press me for details. Again I was relieved that he granted me my silence, that he didn't press me to express my feelings like everyone else. It always made them feel better - not me. I was actually glad he didn't so I wouldn't have to lie.

"Warm cocoa?" I found myself repeating with intrigue which seemed to make him happy.

"Yeah, I can try to make it like Enid, I think I've only had it about a _billion_ times growing up but I should be able to rustle something up. She used to sit me on the kitchen counter and I'd watch her make it."

I nodded, leading the way to the kitchen. I was in my favorite satin, Japanese style robe with a long black dress that was basically a floor-length t-shirt, and fuzzy socks.

I helped Jace locate all the ingredients he listed off and watched as he heated up some cocoa powder, sugar and milk, then found some cinnamon, whipped cream and pieces of chocolate. To be helpful I set two mugs on the counter by the stove and hopped up, watching him closely. He seemed to be in a better mood.

"What's Enid like?" I asked, expressing my curiosity. Once again I was surprised at myself for actually wanting to make conversation with Jace.

He simpered and seemed to think first about what he'd say, as if maybe he didn't expect that to be my question. "She's short and has long black hair that's always braided. She wears these two blue comb-thingies all the time to keep it from falling in her face. She's a really good cook, she _never_ forgets anything – she _knows_ everything. She's not someone to mess with but she's the only person you know you can totally trust to be there when you need them. And she calls me _muchacho."_

"Mmhm? She sounds really special."

"Yeah, she is, honestly she's the best. I hate that I'll be gone in the fall. But I'm not going far from home though, so I think she'll come visit me and stuff – make sure I'm eating right. She's been with me from the very beginning -I'm like her kid. She never had her own."

"You're moving out from home?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'll be sharing Mom's old apartment with my friend Ethan." But he seemed to scowl when he mentioned his friend.

"What's wrong with Ethan?"

Jace sighed. "Nothing's wrong he's just a real dickhole sometimes. I honestly don't know how I will manage living with him."

"Oh, okay." I didn't really know what else to say to that. But it made it more obvious to me that he had to go back home soon, that he had this whole other life I didn't know about, but which intrigued me.

Jace served out the hot chocolate, sprinkled the cinnamon then added the Cool Whip and shaved some chocolate bits on the top. He then presented the mug to me with a dramatic bow and made his mug next.

"Thank you, this looks great." I couldn't help but offer him a quick smile. Not even Avery had ever made me something like this before, let alone cooked for me, he couldn't even boil water.

I waited until he was finished his to even take a sip of mine. "Mmmmmmm," After the first taste I moaned with my eyes wide in surprise. "This is really good!" The beverage was super chocolatey – thick not thin – with just the right amount of sweet from the cinnamon and whipped cream.

"Phew! Well that's a relief," he smiled and pretended to wipe his brow. Jace then cleared his throat and took a generous sip of the scalding liquid, no doubt burning the taste buds off his tongue.

I gasped. "Are you okay?" I reached out with my free hand to steady him as he had started to hop on the spot.

"Ummhmmm!" he said but his face had reddened and he clearly was in pain. His wide eyes and covered mouth were so funny that I couldn't help but set my mug back down on the marble countertop and laugh at him for being so absent-minded. After a moment he in turn laughed at me then flicked the tip of my nose. I was about to protest when I realized that he had swiped white cream off the tip of my nose and was now sucking it off of his finger.

"Yummy," he said with a grin which made me turn a deep red instantly I was sure. I could feel the heat rushing to my face. His face crimsoned with embarrassment as well and Jace looked away, unable to prevent the nervous chuckle escaping his throat. "Look Phoenix I give you full permission to bind my hands up whenever I'm in your presence, that was out of line, I'm sorry," he said softly like a child admitting he took the cookies from the jar.

I was so shocked I didn't even know how to react. But I registered that my body was suddenly warm all over and that I didn't seem to mind it as much as I should.

No, it was wrong…it was wrong like Benji was wrong.

"Um, yeah I might have to hold you to that if you can't behave," I said before quickly sipping my hot drink again. Anything to not have to look at his embarrassed face which I couldn't help but find adorable.

He spared me an unsure glance and grimaced. "I'm really sorry."

I shook my head, "Let's just forget about it okay? It was totally harmless."

Jace nodded and went back to his cocoa too and I breathed a sigh of relief. At the same time we both heard footsteps on the stairwell and I could easily tell it was my mother.

 _Wow, that was close!_

Jace and I both focused on innocently sipping the cocoa, totally avoiding one another. Momma came into the kitchen then, a curious smile on her face. She was wearing a satin peach lingerie dress with a matching robe and her face was flushed. She was radiant and I knew that she and Daddy were having their "cuddle time."

A type of wistful melancholy swept over Jace's face and I wondered what the matter was…

JACE

I'd never seen my mother look like Corrie did at that moment before and it stabbed me like a knife to the heart. She was radiant, and I hated that I found myself comparing my mother to her so much but it was an unconscious thing.

"What's up?" she smiled at us both, not letting on if she was upset that we were still up at this late hour or just chill.

"I couldn't sleep so the newbie here made me some cocoa." Phoenix answered, our awkward moment just now pushed out the back door.

"Aww that's nice! Can I taste?" Corrie's face lit up like a Christmas tree and I groaned.

"It's not that great! Phoenix is just humoring me so don't expect too much!" I held out my hands to stop her from drinking it. But she sipped it anyway, and then took two more sips. They had no idea, if they had really tasted Enid's they'd laugh at my concoction.

"See? She likes it, I am not humoring you!" Phoenix pouted triumphantly and shoved me playfully with a smile.

Corrie looked at her daughter with shock and then quickly recovered. I was shocked too, Phoenix was actually in a better mood and I couldn't help but feel responsible. I had actually gotten her to relax, to get out of her head for a little while – even if it was just to drink hot cocoa and act a fool.

"Jace don't be ridiculous, that was delicious! Is there anymore?"

I was caught off guard when Corrie giggled liked her daughter and pulled me in for a hug. "Stop being so hard on yourself, it's perfect, thank you," she whispered then looked up into my face with loving eyes. I knew she was thanking me for making Phoenix feel better, at least I assumed. I nodded, swallowing a lump of sadness that suddenly appeared.

"I actually made too much so you're in luck," I told her, trying to keep my voice steady.

"Good, then make one for Paul too, I'm just making him a midnight snack."

"Momma it's passed midnight," Phoenix said with a roll of her eyes. "What are you guys doing up anyway?"

I shot her look as if to say "don't ask that question, you _know_ what they were up to" which had both of us cracking up with laughter. Again I felt proud to make her relax. Hearing her laugh tonight was amazing. She had the most incredible laugh, even when she gasped for breath it was cute.

Corrie's face reddened and she rolled her eyes too. "You guys! Just behave, I am _still_ the adult and I can ground you!" she warned which only made us giggle more.

I quickly fixed up the hot cocoa in two more mugs while Phoenix helped make four sandwiches since we all decided we wanted a one o' clock snack too. Corrie took her tray over to the high tech dumb waiter and went back up the flights of stairs to their rooms on the top floor. It was a good thing that everyone here was physically fit with all these stairs. Only Paul's mother's room was on this floor, I had yet to meet her.

Phoenix led me to the family room which I had yet to properly see. It was a wide open space with a huge television on the wall and sprawling couches that could actually fit the tall men that lived here.

"Sorry you haven't gotten a proper tour up to now, but you're not a stranger, you can check the house out on your own. I'm sure Ruthie would love you to see her room."

"That sounds cool. Maybe we could do something fun with her tomorrow?" I asked before taking a huge bite of our chicken salad sandwiches.

"Really?" she searched my eyes a couple times and I nodded with a smile.

"Of course."

"Well…..she _was_ asking for a pool party… maybe you could help me? I feel bad that I haven't been much of a good big sister lately… The other younger pups will come over. We just need to chaperone."

"I can watch them by the pool."

"What are your friends like?" Phoenix asked, changing the subject. Her question reminded me that I was angry with my one real friend.

I told her more about Ethan and how he was my most important yet annoying friend. I talked about Malcolm, lacrosse and Jon and what happened before I came here. "When I go back, I have no idea what it's going to be like, but at least most people will be away at college, so I won't really have to face all the old crew again."

"He sounds like a douche, he got what he deserved. And Tina is definitely not the right girl for you." She shook her head passionately, clearly disapproving of the two culprits that helped me get myself kicked out of our social circle for good. I didn't tell her exactly what had happened with Tina though…just that she'd made out with me to get back at Jon.

"Yeah, I know…"

"So what will you do at college?" She asked, seeming really interested in learning more about me. She set her empty wares aside and got comfortable on her side of the sofa.

"Well, you're gonna laugh when I tell you this but…I want to have this like eco-commune in the middle of nowhere."

She wrinkled her nose, "What like a hippie or something?"

I nodded and chuckled at her facial expression.

"Well, I guess it is like the new thing these days, right?"

"Yeah, it is. But it's not like I just wanna have a marijuana farm or anything, I want to explore reusable energy, develop technology that will help the planet rather than destroy it. It's already out there but not enough people are using it. The old technology we have already is no good, why do you think so many people have cancer or problems having children? It's fucked up. People know better now but they still can't break out of old habits."

She cocked her head to the side as if seeing me for the first time. I think I actually impressed her.

"Wow. So you're like a New Age technology Guru or something," she joked.

I nodded and shrugged. "And why not? Just call me The Wolf Guru."

Phoenix chuckled and shook her head. "But seriously Jace, that sounds amazing."

"Let's just hope I can go vegan or else I'll be the laughing stock of hippies everywhere."

"Well, consuming animals has always been the Quileute way – the whales, salmon, fowls…being a wolf I would imagine makes it impossible but after you stop phasing I don't see why not."

"I tried before, but when I started getting sick I couldn't help it, I just wanted every meal to have some sort of flesh."

Phoenix rested her chin on her knees. "I'm sorry it's been so hard for you Jace."

I sighed and nodded. "Thanks. I'm sorry it hasn't been easy for you this last year either." I reached over and squeezed her arm, hoping she'd understand that I wanted to be her friend. "I'm here whenever you need to talk, about anything, okay?" She took a moment before nodding. "Kay well, time for bed," I told her with a grin, seeking to lighten the mood and give her the out I suspected she needed.

"Yeah, it is. I think that snack was just what I needed to finally get some rest…" but even as she spoke Phoenix's eyes were closing and she was burrowing her face into the pillow at the opposite side of the couch we shared. Her toes curled up beneath my thigh and I ended up putting her feet on my lap and gently massaging my warmth into them through her socks. It brought a smile to her lips and in two minutes flat soft snores were escaping with each breath Phoenix took beside me.

I found my own eyes drifting downwards and my head falling heavily into the back of the couch.

XXXXX

When I woke up the next morning, it was to the sound of a deep male voice calling my name and shaking my shoulder.

"Huh?" I opened my eyes, confused. It was Paul standing above me, a pissed look on his face.

"What happened?" I asked.

"I was hoping that you could tell me."

He gestured downwards and I realized that Phoenix and I were still on the couch, with her head now on a pillow that was on MY LAP. My left arm was down across her shoulder, our fingers intertwined. My eyes widened and I shook my head vigorously. When had she moved? I had no recollection of this happening but I loved the way she felt under my arm while she slept peacefully. I almost wanted to tell her father to knock it off and let us sleep in peace.

"Nothing happened…Sir. We ate and fell asleep," I found myself saying with the perfect tone of respect.

"Something tells me our definitions of 'nothing' aren't the same Jace." He stared pointedly down at our laced fingers and I gulped, not knowing what to do now.

I could hear her heart pick up the pace and I knew she was awake now.

"My wife told me how you made her smile last night, and she seems to think you should spend more time together because of it. But I don't agree Jace, Phoenix has been through a lot this last year and as much as I want my little girl back to her old self YOU are not good for her. You're phasing and you could hurt her. I really like you kid, but I'll kill you if you hurt her in any way imaginable. I told you to stay away! Now get up and get dressed for gym in twenty."

"But I didn't mean for - " but the look he gave me literally shut me up and I carefully slipped away from the couch. I literally ran downstairs to my room on shaky knees.

Everything he said was true, I was becoming a threat to her. What happened while I talked to Ethan last night proved that I was too irrational and volatile right now. I couldn't be trusted to keep my cool. While I believed I could never hurt her, I knew that I didn't want to find out just how high the risk was either.

But how could I stay away, when we had just started to connect?

PHOENIX

When Jace and Daddy left the room I jumped up and hurried up to my bedroom. I was totally shocked and horrified at what I'd done.

How the hell did I end up on Jace's lap?

I didn't know how it happened but I knew why, it was his warmth.

His warmth that reminded me of Avery.

But I hadn't dreamt about Avery. In fact, I'd had no dreams, for once I simply slept peacefully, maybe for the first time in a year I didn't wake up in a panic.

I hated admitting that to myself. No one else was supposed to make me feel like Avery did, no one. I couldn't let Jace get any closer, he had gotten way too close last night. It was as if he had the power to just pull me out of my head. And he was interesting. I'd never expected him to talk about living in nature and wanting to change the world. It was actually very noble. I felt sorry for him that this wolf stuff had come along and derailed his plans a little.

Our connection frightened me a lot. I didn't want him to expect anything from me because I had nothing to give. I also didn't want Momma to get her hopes up that I was moving on because I wasn't.

Last night had been a fluke, a mistake.

And I wouldn't let it happen again.

I grabbed a quick shower and slipped on a pair of skinny jeans and a gray tee. I considered wearing Avery's sweatshirt as always but for once decided it needed to wash. I brushed my hair until the tangles were out and braided it over my shoulder and let it hang.

I went downstairs and found Momma at the kitchen table sipping coffee and reading the newspaper. I greeted her and made a cup for myself.

"Bet this doesn't taste as good as that hot cocoa huh?" she said with a warm smile.

I grimaced and shrugged, unable to answer. I didn't want to think about Jace right now. The guilt that ran through me made me shiver a little.

I was on his LAP, his hand entangled in mine! I still couldn't process how I had let that happen.

"You guys seem to really get along honey, it was so good to see you smile and laugh like that. It's been too long."

I shook my head and sighed in frustration, I knew this would happen. "Momma it was nothing. Please don't make a big deal out of it."

I tried not to see the hurt in her eyes as her mouth opened and closed while she tried to find the right response. "Okay I won't," she finally said then went back to her paper.

I felt even worse for being so unfriendly, so I quickly grabbed a small bowl of cereal. I wasn't in the mood for the left over breakfast that was in the oven, my stomach was twisted like old tree roots.

After I ate alone in the family room I decided to just go into the backyard and take a walk around to clear my head. Josie and I weren't exactly speaking and Avery was gone, I had no one to hang with or talk to. I honestly felt so alone it was hard to keep the tears at bay. I'd spent most of the last year cooped up in my room crying and looking at old pictures but this summer I was starting to crave the outdoors again like I used to. Maybe because it was finally warm enough to enjoy being outdoors, I dunno…but something in me just wanted to feel the sun, a part of me just wanted to feel something other than pain and that chill that hadn't left my bones since he drowned.

"Hey beautiful."

An icy shiver ran up my spine as I heard Benjamin's approaching voice.

"Hey," I called back.

"You look nice today," he said with a smile.

"Thanks," I said quietly.

 _No, this isn't awkward at all!_

"How you feeling? You look better?"

"I'm okay, just bored I guess." I certainly didn't feel better, but looking better was a start.

"Well why don't you call up Josie and go do something?"

"Uh, I dunno, I'm not sure she's talking to me right now."

"Because of what she said at the bonfire? Come on, you guys have fought worse than that, of course she'll want to hang out!" he reached over and pulled me into a side hug and I immediately froze.

I felt Benji stiffen too and he quickly released me. "Oh come on, is this really how it's going to be between us Nix?"

I grimaced. "Sorry, it was a reflex."

"I'm sorry for what I did okay? Just please don't pull away from me."

He pouted his lips and tried to put on a puppy face which caused me to roll my eyes and nod. "We're good."

"Good, now come on, let's go have ice cream at the diner."

"At this hour?" I raised my eyebrows.

"Ice cream knows no hour, now get your butt in the car." He brandished his usual goofy smile and I smiled back.

This was my brother, and he wanted to keep me company. And I couldn't say no to ice cream. What better way to chase away the blues? As I walked to his Honda Civic I felt the hairs on the back of my neck raise. On instinct I turned to see Jace standing outside of the gym just down the path. He was looking right at me with annoyance then sadness on his face that the distance between us couldn't hide.

I turned away and slid into the front seat, trying to ignore the way my heart raced; trying to ignore the little voice inside that said it would rather go eat ice cream with him. I sighed and shook the feeling off as I buckled my seat belt and listened to the purring sound of the engine. I couldn't become attached to him only to watch him leave at the end of summer. I just knew that I wasn't strong enough to handle any of it.

I reminded myself that he wasn't Avery nor was he a replacement. Benji wasn't either. So I had to be strong enough to stop whatever this was between us from going any further.

For once I was grateful for Daddy's meddling ways when it came to me and boys.


	13. Unrequited

I skipped a chapter by mistake, I posted chapter 10 instead of 9. So go back two chapters to **Confrontation**! Hope you are enjoying the story so far. Next chapter, Jace phases.

No copyright infringement intended on Stephenie Meyer's work!

Chapter 11 - Unrequited

JACE

After the gym, after watching Phoenix leave with Benjamin, I grabbed a shower and made a protein shake in the kitchen. Ruthie came in and begged me to come see her room, which was pretty and pink. Both Corrie and Paul had stuff to do so I offered to watch her. We played a few board games for a while which was actually pretty fun. She was a mature little girl and quite the cheater. Afterwards we went outside so she could ride her bike while I shot a few hoops. We then heated up a frozen pizza and ate it in family room so she could watch her shows.

I was on my phone catching up with social media. Seeing some of the girls I had flings with only made me horny and wish that things could be different for Phoenix and me. I wanted her, and I couldn't deny it. Just one taste of her lips would send me to heaven. Yeah it was a physical attraction, but it was also much more than that. For the first time I wanted more than just a booty call. I didn't even care about the physical side, I could wait, as long as she gave me a shot.

To my surprise my mother called while I was hanging out with Ruthie.

"Hi," I answered on the third ring.

 _"Have you spoken to Embry yet?"_ she asked, her voice hurried and brittle.

"Hey Mom, I'm good, your friends are nice, they have a lovely home and kids. Miss me yet?" I responded cheekily. Didn't she know anything about phone etiquette? Especially when speaking to her own son? One would think that I'd be used to this by now.

 _"I don't have time for games Jace, I'm heading into a meeting now. Did you meet him?_ "

I sighed and shook my head, trying to swallow the pain of her indifference. "No I haven't, he's away on business."

She sighed in frustration. " _I see. Well call me when you hear from him please. And be good._ "

She hung up before I could even reply. I stared at the phone dumbfoundedly for a few moments before I let it just fall into my lap.

"What's wrong?" Ruthie asked, snuggling up to me on the couch.

"Nothing, just my mom."

"Is she upset?"

"No, she…just isn't like your mom."

"What do you mean?"

"She doesn't care about me the way your Momma cares about you."

"She doesn't hug you and kiss you like Momma?"

"No, hardly…almost never. We don't have much of a relationship and it hurts."

God I was so pathetic, spilling out my guts to a ten year old.

"You can share mine if you want? She really likes you."

I smiled and gently stroked the top of Ruthie's head before snuggling her into my body. "Thanks Babe Ruth, you're the best."

She giggled and turned back to her movie, and I couldn't help but enjoy the feeling of concern that I'd gotten from the little girl. I watched the rest of her show, listening to her tell me everything that I had missed thus far.

When Phoenix came home she came into the tv-room and watched us with surprise. She said a quick hello to her sister and me but then escaped up to her room.

"You can go talk to her, I'll be okay by myself," Ruthie said with a wise look on her face which made me agree. Now that we were here alone this was my chance to talk about this morning.

I went up the stairs and found her door. I almost knocked but a heavy sad sigh from Phoenix's lips on the other side of the door somehow stopped me. I wasn't sure she wanted to see me right now and turned to go, but then I changed my mind and knocked anyway.

"Come in," she called.

I stepped inside and she took a deep breath, clearly not expecting it to be me.

I scratched the back of my head and stood there awkwardly, closing the door behind me softly. Her room was white with colorful curtains that looked like something out of Bollywood. They were dark blue, black and red with gold threads interwoven through the silk fabric. I wasn't into fashion that much, but I could tell the fabric because my house was filled with silk things I wasn't allowed to touch or spill anything on. I grew up hearing, "This is silk!"

Her duvet was black but with threads of matching gold, blue and red running through it in lines and swirls. She had an area that had all kinds of gear, a bookshelf, a desk and two doors which I figured led to closets and a bathroom. She had a little reading corner with a humungous pillow and a hanging white net around it, there was a dream catcher above her bed too.

Although I tried not to notice, it was hard to ignore the pictures of Avery everywhere. I knew it was him just because there were so many.

"Is everything okay?"

She gave me a sharp look before looking down at her sketch pad and closing it. "Yeah, why wouldn't it be?"

"Well, you've been looking at me weird?"

"So have you."

"Yeah I know and I'm sorry. So um…about what happened…I dunno how you got on my lap last night. I'm sorry if that upset you, but I honestly wasn't trying anything funny."

Her face crimsoned and she shook her head. "I know that. _Nothing happened_ , it was stupid, it was…nothing okay?"

My chest hurt a little as she remained cold and distant. It wasn't "nothing" or "stupid" to me at all. I could still remember the feel of her hand locked with mine, her gentle snores. I wanted that again. I wanted her to be okay with getting close to me, not pull away. She was definitely pulling away when I wanted to go against her father's and her brother's wishes. I felt like I had a chance.

"What if I don't agree with that?" I asked, pulling myself up to full height.

She looked up at me then, a crease in the middle of her forehead from her confused, annoyed expression. She sighed and sat straighter, her eyes meeting mine in a glare. "Look, I don't know what you expect from me but nothing happened last night. Yeah we had a few laughs and it was nice to just hang out with you, but don't expect more than that Jace. You heard my Dad right?"

"I wouldn't hurt you though, I just want us to hang out more."

Did I really NOT have a chance? My heart dropped dead from disappointment. I couldn't believe she was shutting me out again.

"You can't know that. And honestly, I'm not sure that's all you want from me, and if it isn't then you could just forget it."

"I want us to be friends." I reiterated, clenching my jaw through her biting tone. I had done nothing to deserve her attitude.

"So why get upset around Benjamin?" she retorted.

My cheeks felt warmer as soon as she said that. I rubbed my hand over my face and took a deep breath before responding. "He doesn't like me, I think it's pretty obvious."

She shook her head and her watery gaze met mine. Why was she upset?

"Look I didn't come here to pick a fight with you I just wanted to make sure everything was good between us and to tell you that I still wanna hang out, Phoenix."

"It's fine, but we can't… I don't want to," She mumbled but then turned away, and I knew then that she wanted me to go. I hesitated for a moment, but knew I had to back off. I was being a total ass. It was obvious and I was just trying to ignore it because the dude was dead. But whatever Avery had been to her, the connection was too strong, even beyond the grave. It would be wise if I just accepted that there would never be anything between us.

And yet I couldn't. I couldn't turn my feelings off.

"See you later?" I asked her, hoping she'd be in a better mood then.

She simply nodded without making eye contact.

Seeing that she wanted to be alone I went back downstairs and paced my room. Should I get dressed? I needed to get out of this house. I needed to just forget about every stupid fucking thing I'd done in the last twenty-four hours. I picked up my phone and found Bethany's number. She was the only person I knew besides Tuari and Josie that I could actually hang out with. It was risky being around her but I didn't care, I knew in my heart that I wouldn't hurt anyone. I just needed a couple hours to be a normal teenager and I'd be fine again. I called her up and we made plans to chill at her place. I got dressed and told Corrie I was going out, since she had returned in that time.

"Where you headed?" she asked.

"To Forks, just to hang out a bit."

"You know Paul doesn't want you to be around other people right now Jace, it's not safe."

"I know, but honestly I just need to get out of this house and away from all the wolf stuff for a while. Please? I just need some form of normalcy."

She sighed and regarded me with sympathy before nodding. "At least be back at a decent hour okay? In fact, give me your number so that I don't worry."

I rattled my number off and kissed her goodbye, grabbing my keys on the way out. I immediately felt relaxed as I started my engine and took a draw from my vape pen. I pulled out my phone and memorized the directions to Bethany's house and took off.

I was being an asshole, but I couldn't care less. Falling back into the person I was before I came to La Push was easy. It was simple math, really: If Phoenix didn't want me, I would find someone else who did…

Bethany was home alone.

She threw me a smile when I stepped inside that let me know immediately that she didn't just want to hang out. We went straight up to her room and she locked us inside, pouncing on me immediately. I kissed her as hard as she kissed me, urging her to take away the sting of rejection that was riding my chest all evening. I kneaded her full breasts and grabbed her ass, grateful to finally get some action. Maria had spoiled me, I was used to having sex every weekend. Though I hadn't been here long I was horny as hell. With all the wolf stress and Phoenix, this was the only way I could get some relief.

But this was more than just stress relief.

People talked about girls having "Daddy issues," but I was smart enough to know that I had "Mommy issues." I was always looking for something I never had: I wanted to be wanted. Even though I always thought I was somewhat incapable of returning any strong feelings for the opposite sex, I wanted them to want me like my own mother never had. I wanted Tina to want me, Maria to want me, Bethany to want me and I wanted Phoenix to want me most. But it was different with her. Phoenix was the first girl I could honestly say that I really wanted for much more than just sex or because she was beautiful. For her I'd be capable of commitment, she was like the big trophy I wanted to win or something. I found myself caring deeply about her from the start and it had me fucked up in the head. So her rejection of me had driven me to do what I did best, find someone who made me feel like I wasn't unlovable, even if it was only for a short while.

Yeah, my mother had done a number on me. There was a void that not even Enid could fill with her constant mothering. No woman could fill the hole my mother left in my heart even though I tried to make them. If only she would look at me with love in her eyes, if only she would tell me she cared. If only she paid attention to my life, asked me how I was doing, what I had done today; if only she had taken time off work and watched me play lacrosse over the years. All she cared about was my image, an image which she controlled, but she didn't care about me, the child she'd had almost nineteen years ago. When she was shipping me off to La Push was the only time I had gleaned any real emotion from her. She called me her baby boy. Why had she never told me how much she loved me? Cause she did, didn't she?

It wasn't right to channel those needs or feelings of rejection on to chicks, especially Phoenix; but her coldness earlier had hit me hard in the same sore spot my mother had carved in my heart.

"Jace," Bethany stripped her shirt and shorts off, crawling onto the bed in only her underwear. It was nothing fancy, and I couldn't help but find her skin to be too pale for my tastes. She called me over with her finger and I immediately obeyed. I wasn't here to think, I was here to get off.

"I want you to fuck me Jace. I've been dying for you to call me since we met the other night," she whispered before sucking on my ear lobe.

An uncomfortable shiver ran down my spine but I ignored it. I peeled my shirt off while she enthusiastically unbuttoned my pants and pushed them to the floor. I tried to get into it but some how I just couldn't. I could stop thinking about those green and brown eyes and the sharp tongue of Phoenix Lahote. The conversation I'd had with my mother earlier, replayed in my mind.

"Stop!" I hissed as Bethany started to stroke my dick, which had refused to get hard. I couldn't do this, I couldn't perform, I couldn't shut my mind off and just get lost in the moment. Her hands were cold and made my skin crawl. I reached for my pants and pulled them on quickly.

"What are you doing?" Bethany spat, her face turning red.

"I'm sorry Bethany, honest, but I can't."

"You came all the way over here to tell me you can't? Jace you knew why you were coming over here don't pretend!"

"I'm not pretending, I just realized I can't do this."

"Why NOT!"

"Because I can't okay, I literally can't. I just can't I'm sorry Beth." I grabbed my keys and phone and pulled on my shirt and then quickly walked to the door and unlocked it.

"You asshole! You fucking shithead!" Bethany screamed at my back.

I ran to my car and wasted no time revving her up and getting out of dodge. "FUCK!" I cried, hitting the steering wheel.

What was I thinking? Going over there to that girl's house? Was I really _that_ desperate? Was I really _that_ fucked up in the head? I couldn't blame Phoenix or my mother for my actions tonight. I couldn't blame anyone but myself and my stupid need for female gratification. This was going too far now. I was completely disgusted with myself for not handling my issues better. The moment something happened, the moment I felt rejected I did shit like this.

I needed to meet my father, I needed to understand why my mother was the way she was. I needed to know why she'd never loved me like a mother should. He had to know why. He just had to. Embry was my only hope, because I knew that my mother would never admit that I was right.

On my way back to the compound I saw a bar and pulled into the lot. With my fake ID I ordered a rum and Coke and drank it down quickly, followed by a beer. Six more drinks later I was drunk and oblivious to my pain, just how I needed to be.

JOSIE

I was on my way home from picking up my dog from the groomers when I saw Jace's Mustang parked at the local bar. I immediately grew worried about my new cousin and pulled over, locking Darby in the car so she couldn't jump out behind me. As a phasing wolf the last thing Jace needed was to get into a bar fight or some ridiculous cliché.

I walked in and the bouncer immediately ran to the door to stop me. If he had been doing his job in the first place I wouldn't have made it this far.

"I'm not staying, relax. I just came to get my cousin."

"Which one is he?"

"The pathetic one with his head on the bar." I pointed to Jace.

"Okay, I'll help you get him to the car then," the bouncer replied, while watching me with interest.

Forget it buddy, I said to myself. There was no way in hell I'd be interested in him. Plus, Tuari would kill him if he found out. Literally.

I walked over to Jace, really hoping the bouncer wasn't checking out my ass, and tapped him on the shoulder. "Jace?"

"MM?" he asked, clearly drunk off his ass. Even a nonword was slurred.

"Jace, time to go home," I shook his shoulder, causing him to look up at me. His skin was super hot and I immediately worried.

"Oh hey Josie! Josie Posie!" Jace grinned and I rolled my eyes at the corny nickname.

"Jace, it's time to go."

"WHYYYY? I was having fun!" he slurred.

"Well, you had too much fun dude, time to go, I'm taking you."

"Okie dokie," Jace nodded like a little child. I was relieved that his wolf was quiet right now, that he wouldn't get upset with me. A great fear of mine was being mauled like my mother had been by my father. It was one of the many reasons why I was upset that Tuari imprinted on me or that Sammy phased.

I looked at the bouncer and indicated that I wanted him to pick my cousin up. He threw Jace's arm around his shoulder, struggling a little under Jace's huge frame. I couldn't believe that a big guy like Jace could be so out of it. But I remembered that he wasn't a wolf yet, so he still had the ability to get shit-faced.

"How much does he owe?" I asked the bartender, pulling out my wallet. I dropped a fifty on the counter and led the way back to my car. When Jace was secure inside I handed the bouncer a twenty and said "Thank you."

"Anytime doll-face. Come back when you're legal," he said with a smirk and wink to which I rolled my eyes. My father would have him by the balls if he heard that. Clearly no one here knew that I was the acting-chief's daughter – or cared.

Darby yipped in the backseat, curious about the stranger in our car. "Calm down girl, this is Jace, he's family."

She yipped again and settled back in the seat like the good girl she was. She was a dark grey poodle, Tuari gave her to me on my last birthday. Her coat sort of matched his wolf pelt, so he thought of her as my protector when he wasn't around. It was really sweet but I tried not to dwell on such things.

I sighed, trying not to think about my wolf. I never thought in a million years that he of all people would have imprinted on me, and though he was not someone I had ever wanted to be with, I couldn't deny that Tuari was trying hard every day to please me. Sometimes I let him but most times I gave him shit for an imprint neither of us ever wanted. His wolf shouldn't have tried to change him and make him settle down so soon. It shouldn't have forced him to want someone he'd never liked before. I resented that a lot.

I drove slowly down the road while Jace looked out the window.

"Are you okay?" I asked him, really worried. "What happened?" He wouldn't just walk into a bar by himself and get drunk if nothing was wrong. Unless he had a drinking problem none of us knew about? There was still so much about Jace we didn't know.

"What isn't wrong?" he asked, turning his stormy gray eyes to look at me. I could see and feel the torment in that one look.

"Did something happen today?" I prodded again.

"She doesn't love me," he declared. "You know I'm unlovable right? No one gives a shit about me."

I sucked in a deep breath, not expecting that to be his answer.

"Who doesn't love you?"

"Neither of them."

"Who?" I asked again.

"My mother. Phoenix."

I almost slammed on breaks when he called my best friend's name. But I had to play it cool if I was going to keep him talking. "Phoenix?"

"Yeah she…she loves a dead guy you know? And Paul wants me to leave her alone and Tuari too…but I can't just stop what I feel you know? Right here, I feel it here." He thumped his chest loudly. "I want to love her. I never wanted to love a girl before. And you know what else I want?" he asked, the alchohol on his breath filling the car.

"What do you want?" I asked, barely breathing because I was so shocked and trying my best not to provoke him in any way. If my dad knew what I was doing right now I'd be grounded for life. Hell, Tuari would kill him, literally.

"I want to make her pain go away. I want her to make my pain go away. You know? We could help each other. But she said no."

He sounded like a lost boy, drunkenly wearing his heart on his sleeve.

And I wondered if Jace knew that the dead guy was my twin brother.

"It's okay Jace. It'll be alright, I promise. Just give it some time, you only just met, Phoenix needs more time okay? You're not unlovable, you're a great guy. The pain won't last forever, bud."

Jace snorted and shook his head. "I'm unlovable Josie," he said again, trying to convince me. "I'm just nothing to no one. My mother doesn't care and Brendon doesn't give a fuck. And she never even told Embry about me so he never gave a fuck."

As I listen to his rambling about his family in California, I pulled up to the carport at the Lahote residence and blew my horn softly. Tuari answered the door with a confused look on his face. I knew he hadn't been expecting to see me tonight. I hardly came over here anymore since my brother died. Once he saw Jace he quickly came to my window.

"What happened?"

"I saw his car at the bar and went inside to check on him. He was drunk off his ass so I brought him home."

"You went to the BAR!?" Tuari bellowed. "Josie you shouldn't be alone with him!"

"Ari please, I'm fine. Jace needs help, take him inside." I rolled my eyes at his overprotective wolfiness. They were all the same but I knew for a fact my brother Sammy wasn't so bad with Amber, his imprint. He kept telling me that it was because I kept pushing Tuari away that he behaved irrationally. He was probably right.

I watched as he muttered under his breath and petulantly stomped around to the other side of my car, pulling Jace out as though he weighed nothing.

"Ariiii. See? I stayed away from your sister," Jace mumbled.

Shit, I silently prayed he wouldn't say anything else, especially something that would piss Tuari off.

Darby gave a bark at seeing Ari and I reached in the back and stroked her fresh silky coat. "Good girl, Darbs." She liked him, and I tried not to be annoyed by that fact. It was a good thing of course. I just hated that I couldn't love him as freely as my dog. A part of me wanted to, or did, but I always held back when reminded of the reality of our situation.

I decided to get out and make sure everything was okay. Darby hopped out behind me before I could even close the door. I went inside and up the stairs to my best friend's room. I knocked softly and opened the door when I heard her say "come in."

"Hey," I said softly. Darby barged in and ran excitedly over to the bed where Phoenix greeted her with open arms.

"Oh she feels amazing!"

"Just picked her up from the groomer's," I said.

"This late?"

"Yeah, Sammy forgot to do it for me and I didn't want her to spend the night."

Phoenix nodded with understanding and continued to pet my eager poodle, the attention whore that she was.

"So how are things?" I asked, quietly looking around the room at all the pictures of us with my brother.

The Shrine of Avery, I called it.

"Um, okay."

I hadn't expected any other response. She was probably still upset with me about the other night at the bonfire, but I didn't care. Someone needed to say it. Phoenix needed to stop acting as though she had died too. And she wasn't the only one who had lost my twin. We all had. She didn't live in the Uley house where his absence consumed us every day. She didn't have to walk by his empty room, the other Shrine of Avery. Mom refused to touch it, she cleaned but put everything back just as he had left it.

"I brought Jace home, he's shit faced," I said abruptly, halting my own depressing thoughts.

"What? Are you serious?"

I nodded, taking in her shocked reaction.

"Ari took him to his room."

"What the hell happened? He was fine earlier."

I highly doubted that though. She was probably too self-involved to notice. Clearly she had pushed him away and hurt Jace's feelings, like she did to everyone. "He didn't really say…" I lied. But I only had part of the real story so I wasn't about to tell Phoenix he was in love with her – or wanting to be in love with her. Jace was likely over-reacting, although the part where he said that he wanted them to take away each other's pain seemed totally genuine. I hated that he was hurting as much as we all were but for a totally different reason. I couldn't understand why he would think that his mother didn't love him. But I figured it had something to do with Uncle Embry.

"I should go check on him," Phoenix said, rising from the bed and adjusting her pajamas. I nodded and noted that she must care for him on some level. It was a good sign – she actually was concerned for someone else besides herself. I led the way out of the room and down the stairs to the bottom floor. We went to Jace's room and peered in, to see him face down on the mattress, snoring loudly. Darby went over and sniffed him a few times until Ari shooed her away.

My imprinter shook his head. "He'll be out til tomorrow most likely." He closed the door behind him, forcing his sister and me to go back the way we'd come. Phoenix seemed put-out but said nothing. She then excused herself and went back upstairs while I called my dog and headed to the door.

"Stay for a while babe? We could watch a movie or grab something to eat upstairs?"

I almost said yes but knew my parents were expecting me. I was already running late. "I should go Ari, it's late."

He sighed and took my hand, lacing our fingers together. "I know…I know…I just miss you Jose."

I didn't have the heart to push him away, thinking of Jace and how heartbroken he was over not feeling loved. It hit home, it made me uncomfortable and I was guilty of making Ari feel the same way. I had been doing it for years, what damage had I caused? I hated that Jace had poked my conscience like this. Why Ari kept coming back I'd never understand. I didn't deserve it and I hated that the imprint took away his freewill to do whatever he wanted. I hated my part in that, being the sole object of his affection.

I placed my free hand on his chest, noting the way his eyes seemed to light up instantly from my touch. He wasted no time wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me into his body. I rested my head on his broad chest and inhaled his forest and peppermint scent. For once I couldn't deny how good his warmth felt as it melted into my bones. I felt reassured that although things were crappy in our world, we still had each other.

That was a big deal for me to admit. For the first time I saw it as a strength and not a weakness.

"You okay babe?" He whispered while gently stroking my hair and cradling me in his arms.

I thought about my dead brother, my best friend and my cousin.

No, I wasn't okay.

I hadn't been for a long time.

Tears came to my eyes as my normally impenetrable armor fell away. I wrapped my arms around Tuari's neck and raised up on my toes, pressing my lips against his. _This_ time I had no second thoughts about us being this close, _this_ time I knew I wouldn't regret kissing him. _This_ time I really wanted us to stop being at war.

I lost myself in his embrace and willingly accepted his love.


	14. Wolf

No copyright infringement intended on Stephenie Meyer's work!

Chapter 12- Wolf

JACE

The next three days I was in the foulest mood. I was incapable of having a civil conversation without wanting to rip someone's head off. Besides my short temper the symptoms were back but I tried to hide the pain. Instead of being bed-ridden I sweated it out. I constantly assaulted Paul's home gym and took runs through the woods surrounding the house with Tuari, pushing through the internal agony I felt. He even let me fuck him up in the gym not caring that I burst his bottom lip about four times. I was grateful he had super healing or his parents would have me arrested. He and I had seemed to bury the hatchet and all his focus was on helping me prepare to phase. I guess the fact that his sister and I avoided each other like the plague helped our bromance substantially.

That's how I got to know Sammy better as well. He was the first to phase on the Rez from the children of the old pack and was Quil's Beta. Jacob was the original Alpha and would continue to be because of his immortal wife, but Quil, being the most senior wolf still phasing, acted in his absence. Sammy would take his position when Quil and Claire finally had their first child which would be really soon they were hoping. Sammy came over and helped Tuari with me when he wasn't working construction or attending meetings with his father.

They basically traded off on babysitting me and keeping me outside the house as Paul had ordered, and became my big brothers in a real way. It was different to what I had with Ethan. They cared about me, teased me, pushed me, comforted me, reasoned with me, they were taking my foul shit. It was a brotherhood I hoped lasted forever. With Sammy it was more than that though, we were first cousins, the first two grandsons of Joshua Uley – a man none of his children even knew. It was kinda weird to realize that this meant I would have been Avery's cousin too. I knew Sam was my uncle but somehow I hadn't actually thought much about being related to his children – I guess my mind was elsewhere. Since Josie saved me from the bar the other night she called to check on me every day. Tuari had gone for my car the next morning much to my relief. I had been so worried that someone would try to steal my stereo or something.

Phoenix spent her time out with her mom and Ruthie or alone. I assumed she was keeping herself occupied so she didn't have to be around me. But I missed chatting with her. I even missed doing stupid things and embarrassing myself in front of her. I missed her. I simply just missed her even though we lived under the same roof.

If this was how I felt now, what did an imprint feel like? I couldn't imagine having stronger feelings than this for someone, stronger feelings for a girl who was not her. Because she wasn't a part of my daily life I wanted her more than ever.

It was a hot Friday on the Rez and Sammy and I were hiking over the hill behind the compound to get to this summer lake they'd been telling me about. He and Tuari would usually run over in their wolf form in no time. I was sweaty and itching to get in the water. There were a ton of bugs flying all around and biting every second so my upper body was full of welts. Sammy was lucky as his bites disappeared after a couple minutes.

We finally reached the pool and wasted no time canon-balling our way in. The water was a blueish-green and cold but it felt really good on my hot and bruised skin.

After swimming and horsing around for at least an hour we found a spot to eat our sandwiches that Emily made for us, and just dry off in the sun.

"Sammy, did you imprint?" I looked over at him to see the answer. He nodded and smiled and suddenly it was as if a light switch had been activated inside him. He was just glowing and bursting with love or something.

"Yeah, Amber is my imprint. And Josie's Tuari's."

"What! They imprinted?" How the fuck did I not know that! I was sooo shocked, they bickered so much, that was not what I thought it would be like.

"Yeah."

"But they don't even get along!"

"And it's because before Tuari imprinted on her they never got along. They have always bickered and insulted each other. Tuari was mean to her growing up, always played pranks on her to make her cry or freak out. He teased her relentlessly. That's why she has that "tough guy" attitude, she hates showing weakness. Plus he was a slut all through high school. Like Paul in his day, he's boinked or made out with most of the girls between here and Forks."

"Oh fuck."

"Yeah, so Josie's upset because she feels like the Spirits played a horrible trick on her. She thinks it isn't real love and that Tuari's under some sort of spell, that he's not being his true self anymore."

"Fuck." I said again, not knowing what other way to express my sympathy for him. I remembered when we first met he told me it was "complicated." He certainly wasn't lying. I felt sorry for the guy.

"Yeah man, it's sad. It's been almost three fucking years of this shit, the pack is just fed up with them. My Mom and Dad are more than fed up with the both of them. But she lets him kiss her sometimes now though, so it's finally like some sign of progress, but no one knows how long it will take her to finally forgive him for being an ass all these years and give him a chance. Josie holds on to grudges like a kid with their favorite toy."

"Do you think she's right? Do you think it's a spell, that it's not real love?"

"NAH! I'd never think that! I loved Amber before it happened. She's always been the only girl for me."

"Seriously?" this intrigued me, this revelation gave me hope for myself.

"Yeah, and Auntie Kim loved Jared before he turned wolf and noticed her for the first time. The imprint just pointed him in the right direction."

"So are Tuari and Josie like the only sad case?"

"Well…yeah I guess they're the only imprinted couple not together, but their story isn't the worse. My dad was in love with Auntie Leah before he met her cousin and imprinted on her – my Mom. It destroyed them and it took a long time for that wound to heal between the three of them. Actually I'm not sure if it ever has, Leah doesn't stay around much."

"Fuck. So he basically dumped Leah for Emily?"

Sammy nodded and sighed. "Yeah…it was rough because Leah didn't know the reason why it happened so abruptly, but then she phased – the first female ever to do that by the way – and then she understood why it happened."

"Whoa."

"So it can go both ways man. The imprint can bring likely or unlikely matches together, but regardless, it's never wrong. I don't think it's possible. Josie and Tuari just need to put their pride aside and let nature take its course, show them why they're meant to be."

"So it's not love at first sight all the time then?"

"Well, it's a strong connection, but the love isn't always instant – especially considering a wolf can imprint on a kid."

"WHAT?" that was just gross.

"Yeah, both Quil and Jacob had to wait for their imprints to grow up before they could be together. It wasn't romantic until Nessie and Claire wanted it to be that way."

I didn't even want to think about how that worked and decided to change the subject, well sort of. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure?"

"Did Phoenix and Avery, were they…?"

"Imprinted?"

I nodded.

"My brother was about to phase but he died before it happened, he was like you basically."

"So they were a couple though?"

"They've been best friends since babies, those two and Josie were the three musketeers. They did everything together. Last summer something changed though and Avery realized he had stronger feelings for her. Destiny liked him first actually but he wasn't interested – she was too young. He was nervous to tell Nix but one day they went out and came back a couple. But he died soon after, it was a shock to us all."

"Oh." I felt my heart sink. I couldn't compete with that, even though he was dead. She had known him her whole life, no wonder she couldn't let him go yet.

"Yeah, it really sucks. I mean…it sucks for all of us, we miss him a lot yuh know? Sometimes I really don't think the pain will ever go away, but it's getting easier to handle as time goes by. Nix is the only one who isn't getting better."

"You think he would have imprinted on her if he had phased?"

"Yeah, I do…judging by how she is now…they were soul mates…possibly."

I nodded, the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach felt like if it would suck me down into the earth and bury me alive.

"You like her?"

I was instantly embarrassed by the question and could only nod my head once. I didn't want to admit it, it was dumb.

"When you looked at her the first time, did you feel anything?" Sammy asked.

"Yeah, I did. I mean, like an instant attraction yuh know? I just thought she was the most beautiful girl in the world. And I hate to see her sad, I just wish I could make everything better."

Sammy snorted and shook his head. "She's the only one who can do that, she's the one who needs to accept it and try to move on. She's the one who has to learn to live without him for the first time in her life."

I nodded. That really was heavy shit…she had to learn to live without her first love.

"Jace I'm sorry man. I realize how fucked up this whole thing is for you, with your dad and finding out about the legends and what's happening to you. And then there's this imprinting headache…just try to focus on phasing. I think if you just phased and stopped trying to fight it, things would get a little better."

Somehow, I didn't think so.

When we got back to the compound, Sammy went with me into the backyard where Bethany, Destiny, Amber, Josie and Phoenix were lounging around, listening to music. I couldn't believe that Bethany was there too. She was sitting with Destiny and I figured they had to be friends. Ruthie, the twins Hunter and Asher, Lissa and Matthew were running around playing or swimming. I guess Phoenix went ahead with the pool party without me. I felt a stab of hurt and jealousy, but brushed the feelings aside. Tuari was there in the pool monitoring those who were splashing around.

"Jace!" Ruthie screamed excitedly, waving at me from the water.

"Hey bug-a-boo," I smiled in return and went over to the side of the pool so she could tell me all about her day. She and little Lissa Uley ended up begging me and Sammy to come swim with them which ended up with them riding our shoulders and convincing us to walk in the deeper parts. Tuari took the chance to take a break which meant cuddling up to Josie, who surprisingly let him. Sammy winked at me and smiled, remembering our earlier conversation.

They were both lucky dogs. I tried to avoid looking in Phoenix's and Bethany's direction altogether, not wanting to encourage conversation from the latter in front of the former. When Ruthie and Lissa finally agreed to get out of the water, I made my escape indoors. I was hungry and decided to make a quick meal for Sammy and me to share. Tuari said there would be barbeque later, but we just couldn't wait.

I took a quick shower first and then made my way around the kitchen. I put the food on both racks in the oven and took a seat at the table, glancing through Paul's car and athletic magazines. Alerted by her scent I looked up to see Phoenix loitering at the wide doorway. She wore a brown one piece with a wrap on her waist. Her hair was piled high on her head in a messy bun and her sunglasses were lodged just above her forehead. She sported earrings in the shape of stars which I thought were pretty cool, so I told her that, hoping it would break the awkward silence smoothly.

"Oh thanks," she offered a small smile, immediately fingering them as she went into the fridge for two bottles of water.

"You're welcome," I responded, almost with a sigh of relief. I went back to staring at the page, but my foot was going wild with nerves under the table. Would she stay and talk to me?

"How was your hike, did you see the summer lake?"

My head snapped up in surprise that she would.

"Yeah, it was awesome. You should have seen it." I met her eyes and smiled eagerly and she seemed to relax.

"Yeah, I'm hoping Daddy will take me soon. We usually make it a pack hike."

"Sounds like it would be fun as a group."

"Yeah it usually is. The dads keep promising to clear a trail so we can drive over and take less time but we're still waiting. Ruthie and the smaller ones have never been because of the distance."

"It wasn't that bad though," I commented.

"But imagine how much better it would be if we could drive the trucks over. I told Daddy the logs we cut could be used to make a huge cabin or two there." She got this dreamy look on her face that made me wish I knew how to clear a road and build a cabin.

"Yeah, that would be cool. To spend the night and watch the moon hit the water, build a fire?" I responded, imagining me and her cozied up by said fire, drinking my mediocre hot chocolate.

"Exactly, it would be totally awesome, Avery and I used to talk about having camp outs under the stars…"

I nodded, then, feeling out of place as she brought up her dead boyfriend whom she'd rather be with than me. Going to the summer lake was her thing with him, not me. Her voice trailed off and an awkward silence grew between us. For the first time I wished she'd leave the room just to avoid this unfair reality.

"The only problem is that if they build it, the adults will hog the place for themselves," Phoenix added with an off-beat laugh.

I met her eyes, realizing that she was actually trying to move past her comment about Avery and offered a smile. I told her that she was absolutely right on that one – her parents especially. "I swear they're worse than rabbits. I honestly have to make it a priority every day to tune out on their nightly romps upstairs. Only in the basement can I relax. Now I see why Tuari lives down there."

"Aww poor baby," she teased me with a droopy face.

But thinking about her parents being able to express their love for one another, made me sad.

"I'm sorry for upsetting you before. I just really want us to be friends," I blurted out, thinking it was time to try to salvage some type of relationship with the girl. She froze and looked me in the eye. I could see a mixture of emotions there that made me feel like she felt the same way.

I watched her mouth open and close a few times, then she finally looked up and sighed. Her mouth opened again and I grew hopeful that we'd finally have the heart-to-heart that was needed.

"I'm s-"

But she never got to say anything more because Bethany chose that exact moment to breeze into the kitchen. "What's going on?" She asked, looking between us with this curious, innocent expression. She flashed me a broad smile as if expecting me to answer but I honestly didn't want to talk to her right now – or ever.

Couldn't she have waited TEN MORE MINUTES!

The anxiety I felt seeing Phoenix and Bethany in the same room caused a heat to spread through my body. It was hot and fiery, like a raging furnace. I was openly scowling as my chest started to rise and fall with deep breaths.

"Awww, did I interrupt something?" Bethany smirked and I watched Phoenix's face hang disappointedly.

A low growl suddenly bubbled in my throat and a slight tremble vibrated my shoulders. I was having one of my attacks and could seriously hurt them! I stood abruptly in panic, causing the chair to crash to the floor. I needed to get out of here.

"Hey, are you okay?" Phoenix asked gently, taking a tentative step forward.

"What's wrong with you?" Bethany asked but in an annoyed manner. She had the nerve to act like she'd been offended somehow. Obviously she was copping an attitude because Phoenix and I had been alone talking. I knew she'd prefer that I was outside with her, letting her act like we were an item in front of her friends. No way. The thought angered me more.

"Don't talk to him okay! You're not helping!" I watched as Phoenix turned and glared at the clueless girl. "Just go back outside and give us a minute!"

I moaned as my joints started to throb. I turned around so that I could lean into the wall, trying to hide myself from the two girls. I was breaking into a full-on sweat now and could smell my dinner starting to burn in the oven, but I couldn't move to turn it off. Thankfully Phoenix rushed over and did it for me.

I was quickly crashing and I didn't know what to do.

"Jace?" Phoenix called out, soft and unsure. It was so strange and yet so good to hear her call me by my name. "She's gone, it's just me," she said behind me.

"You need…to leave…too," I struggled to say. But I wanted her to stay with me, I didn't want to be alone. It hurt so much. And I hated that I couldn't control what was happening. I wasn't in control of anything in my life and I hated that feeling.

"No, not yet Jace."

"I don't…. want…hurt…you." I mumbled before collapsing on the floor, moaning in pain. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt her. I wanted to be the one who healed her.

She ran to my side and I tried to push her away but she wouldn't listen.

"Jace let me help you, I know you won't hurt me! Just relax, it's okay, just take a deep breath Jace, please!" she cried. The girl of my dreams knelt in front of me, grabbing my face so that I'd focus on her but I could barely keep my eyes open. She was so close finally and yet I couldn't enjoy the moment. This was not how I wanted to be close to her at all. I could hurt her.

"Come on Jace, stay with me!" she begged.

Phoenix started to rub her palms up and down my arms to keep me stimulated or something – I don't think either of us knew what she was doing. But it seemed to create a tingling electrical feeling that encased my body. It felt incredible, and I felt my body relaxing. I wondered if she was in fact neutralizing everything that I was feeling and making it better.

Thundering footsteps and voices then filled the room in a panic and I closed my eyes and fell limp against the floor. I could hear everything but the rest of my body was shutting down.

"Get away from him, Nix! Thank God Bethany had the sense to gossip or we wouldn't have known what was going on! What are you doing!"

It was Tuari and Sammy rushing to us.

"He's not talking," she told them, rather annoyed. Why was she annoyed?

Sammy asked her what happened and she told him how I got agitated and had something like a panic attack.

"I rubbed his arms and it sort of calmed him til he passed out."

"What?" Tuari asked in shock.

"I think it's okay, maybe it's a good thing she was here, we can't have him phase with those kids outside," Sammy said. "But you got lucky this time, but don't pull a stunt like that ever again Nix, your father would kill us all if he hurt you."

I silently agreed.

"Jace told me to leave and I refused, he needed help not to be abandoned."

I agreed with that too, I honestly wanted her by my side despite knowing better. She was my comfort.

"Try telling Dad that!" Tuari said with a scolding tone. I knew he was pissed with us but didn't care.

"Let's get him to his bed Ari, so he can sleep it off. Honestly I think it's time to move him to the pack house."

I felt myself being lifted by Tuari and Sammy and they dragged me down the stairs to my room. As soon as my head hit the pillow, I was thrown into a deep sleep, barely aware of the soft singing and cool fingertips that gently scratched my scalp as I gave in to the darkness.

I woke up in my bed, drenched in sweat and hungry. Everywhere was dark in my room and outside, from what I could see through the window. My mouth was cotton dry and I stumbled to the bathroom and gulped as much water as I could from the shower head as I stood there drenching myself. When I felt properly hydrated I peeled off my wet clothes and took a proper shower, then went back to my room and dressed in shorts and a t-shirt.

It came back to me what had happened earlier. Phoenix and I were finally having a conversation and then Bethany barged in and ruined everything just when I was finally getting Phoenix to be honest with me. I had been so pissed that it took everything in me not to yell at her. I remembered taking ill and Phoenix talking to me. I think it was the closest I had come to phasing and I think Phoenix stopped me. I remembered her coming to me and this calming electric-like energy taking over my body as if it was neutralizing the heat. That was the last memory I had before waking up.

But how did she do that?

As I ascended the stairs to the kitchen I heard voices talking, and stopped to listen before I interrupted.

Paul and Corrie were having a heated discussion somewhere very close by.

 _"She was irresponsible today, it's too dangerous. He has to go and stay away from her."_

 _"She keeps him calm! She helped him. Don't you see what this means? They're going to imprint, I'm sure my dream isn't a lie Paul. Only an imprint can calm the wolf, don't you remember? It's been so long since I've had a vision, and I know it's going to happen. Why fight this now? Let them get to know each other. And I think he really needs this to cope with everything that's been going on. You need to get Embry's ass here now!"_

 _"He's too volatile! He could have attacked them both and then what? We're not having this discussion Corr, and don't you dare tell Nix that he's going to imprint on her okay? She doesn't need that, she doesn't want that and neither do I."_

 _"Don't get rude with me Lahote or you can sleep in your office tonight. It would be good for her, she needs this to be happy again."_

 _"No it won't, it'll just crush her even more, you know how she feels about Avery. She would feel forced. Do you seriously want both of your children to end up in imprinted relationships they don't want? Look at the torture Josie Uley has put our son through the last few years! He has no choice but to take whatever crap she throws at him, I won't have Phoenix doing the same shit to Jace. I know what it's like, a wolf can only handle so much."_

 _"No Paul. She's always wanted to imprint. It won't be what she pictured but she needs to accept that he was just her best friend and that he's gone. Jace can mend her, I know he can, I can feel it."_

 _"And what if you're wrong, what if he imprints on Ruth or Destiny or some other girl? My job is to protect my daughter."_

 _"It's not going to happen that way Paul, you're not listening, they're meant to be together. I'm trying to protect her too!"_

 _"Embry never imprinted, he might not either you have to consider this, baby."_

 _"No I don't because I SAW it. It's GOING to happen! I know you can see that he feels for her."_

Paul sighed loudly. _"He's going to the pack house. It's where he belongs now. I know you think of him as your god-son and you want him here to be a part of the family, I do too babe. But he's going to be a wolf soon. I can't make any special provisions for him after today. The wolf is close. I still can't figure out why the fuck he hasn't phased yet."_

Their conversation put me on edge. Corrie thought I was going to imprint on Phoenix which was great, but Paul was right, it wasn't what she wanted. She was too obsessed with the dead. It wouldn't be right for me to hope for anything happening between us. And I certainly didn't want to end up like Ari, having an imprint who treated me like shit when she wanted to. Phoenix already pushed me away, I couldn't handle being bound to her for life if things weren't going to be happy for us.

Fuck no.

She didn't want me, I wasn't good enough was I? I couldn't replace her _perfect_ Avery.

A venomous, vengeful emotion consumed me and a jealous raging fire licked at my open wounds.

I was _never_ good enough.

I wasn't good enough for Mom or Brendon, or Tina, I wasn't good enough for Phoenix and I wasn't good enough for Paul to be with his daughter.

Everything that I felt earlier that drove me to the bar and getting drunk, resurfaced. For once in my life I just wanted to be wanted unconditionally. I wanted someone to fight for me, to show me that I was worth something to them.

My mom never did it, no she just pushed me off on a nanny and chucked any old fool who would marry her to be my daddy. She didn't love me enough to give me what I needed – my real father.

Maybe if she'd done that I could have lived here, spent my life here, I would have known Phoenix and Avery, maybe she would have loved me instead of him.

All the shortcomings and possibilities and regrets and wishes started to weigh me down. The heat on my skin rose, my breaths grew shallow and I was panting for breath. A horrible pain struck through my limbs again forcing me out of the house. I needed air I needed to cool myself and these depressing thoughts down in the pool.

I stumbled around, unable to get my bearings as all kinds of memories just kept coming back: arguments with my parents, Jon Chaney, Paul warnings, Tina's and Ethan's mockery of me. I was sweating even more now and my body was blazing hot. I felt that stirring in my chest and it was building now, it was getting bigger and harder and hotter inside. The red screen covered my vision and I dunno what happened but I just lost all control.

A roaring growl ripped from my throat and I felt the beast finally burst through my skin as my bones painfully shifted and became larger than life. I crouched on the grass, a low groan or howl escaping my jaws. I snapped my teeth, feeling the huge sharp razors in my gums.

Holy shit I was a wolf! I had a tail and paws!

"Fuck Jace! Are you okay?" Paul ran out to me with his hands out as if begging me not to attack.

I just laid there on the ground in pain. It was all just too much. My senses were on overload - everything was sharper, brighter, every scent invading my nostrils, the thick fur hurt my skin. I felt like I would die, it hurt so bad. Even though I had been preparing for it, nothing prepared me for how it would feel to be this animal now. This freak of nature.

I'd really done it, I'd really turned into a fucking wolf.

 _Everything will be alright, trust me. (Sammy)_

 _Sammy? (Jace)_

 _Yeah, it's me. _(Sammy)

Fuck! I was hearing his voice in my head too.

Welcome to the pack man! (Tuari)

 _Tuari? (Jace)_

Yeah dude, it's about time – now we can go cliff diving – wolf pack style. (Tuari)

I couldn't help but laugh in a wolfy way – I sounded like a dog gasping for breath. I turned my attention back to Paul who was trying to come closer to me.

"Don't fucking move boy, just stay calm and you can phase back," he told me in a gruff, strained voice. I could tell he was worried about me.

Of course he's worried! You're fucking family Jace. Quit being a bitch. (Tuari)

 _Nice Tuari, make him angry and it's your father he attacks! We're almost there Jace, hang on. (Sammy)_

The two wolves raced into the clearing from the woods. I could see them seeing me and Paul as they approached. It was like having security monitors in your head or something.

I saw what Tuari saw when he looked at me from the back. I was a light brown wolf with a gray streak on my head. I had already seen for myself that I had darker spots on my front paws. I couldn't believe that the beast in Tuari's head was really me.

Fucking believe it bro! No turning back now! (Tuari)

The pain was starting to finally recede to the point where I could stand again. My new pack brothers bumped lightly into me, yipping happily and I responded as happily as I could in my state.

"NO Phoenix! Go back inside!" I heard Paul yell and turned to see Phoenix standing at the bottom of the steps of the main house, looking over at us. A whine escaped my throat, I didn't want them to think that I would hurt her, I never would. Her vanilla lavender scent wafted over to me causing my wolf to howl quietly. It was the most beautiful scent in the world.

"I'm not going back inside…is he okay?" she said quietly but I still heard her. Her father grimaced and ordered her not to move a muscle.

The sound of her voice made my body grow warm and my heart race. She actually cared? She wanted to be here for me? An intense urge to be with Phoenix overwhelmed me and I turned my wolf body and took two steps towards her. As my eyes found hers I heard the warning growls of my pack brothers and the cussing of her father for me to get back.

But only one thought filled my head at that moment.

I knew that Phoenix Lahote was mine.

She was mine.


	15. Rejection

No copyright infringement intended on Stephenie Meyer's work!

Chapter 13 – Rejection

PHOENIX

I was curled up on my bed finishing Momma's old Sookie Stackhouse novel. I was still upset with Bethany for making Jace have a near encounter with the wolf inside of him.

If he had phased so close to us we could have been seriously hurt. Yeah I still threw myself into harm's way but something just pushed me forward, it told me that I was the only one who could have helped him keep our secret.

He had seemed so vulnerable, it was right there in those smoky eyes… and I identified with that feeling. The feeling of being completely alone or even lost, to have something happen to you that you didn't want to happen.

It just made me want to be there for him somehow. I knew pain and I knew he was hurting.

But at the same time, his sickness saved me from having the talk he was trying to carry on with me in the kitchen. Honestly I hated that I had been so unkind to him, but at the same time I didn't want to encourage him to have feelings for me.

While he was unconscious on the bed I sat there for a while to watch over him, feeling bad about the situation between us. I allowed my fingers to course through his perfect hair and a part of me felt calm, at peace. His face was so serene, it made me feel it too.

What was it that kept bringing me closer to him? I resented it because it filled my head with thoughts of Jace when I only wanted thoughts of Avery. It wasn't fair to Avery, I felt like I was cheating on him even though I knew that was totally crazy.

Every day I had to remind myself that he was gone forever and that no amount of pining for him would bring Avery back. I was so tired of this confusion in my soul, the longing for someone who would never return my affections because they were dead.

Dead. I still couldn't accept it, I still couldn't believe it even though the pain told me it was really true.

Tears burned my throat reminding me that I needed to keep my distance.

This was why I couldn't be friends with Jace - he reminded me too much of Avery. Not that they were similar, although they were in small ways. He just reminded me of the boy-who-would-be-wolf who used to be by my side. He reminded me of the person who had taken my heart with him to a watery grave.

Bonding with Jace was happening too soon, I wasn't ready so I left him alone to recuperate and shut myself in my room. And here I'd been ever since. Truthfully, I'd probably read the same page about three times because of my wondering thoughts.

Still, I wondered how he was doing but now that Daddy was back I couldn't go to the basement to find out.

I must have fallen asleep because it was the sound of a wolf in pain that jumped me out of my bed. It was after one in the morning. I ran to the window and could see my father with Jace, Sammy and Tuari.

"Oh my gawd!" Jace was a wolf! He had finally phased into a light brown wolf. I raced down the stairs, not thinking about anything other than seeing him for myself up close.

I yanked open the back door and ran down the steps until Daddy shouted for me to stop. Refusing to go back inside, I literally screeched to a halt before my feet hit the grass and just stood there.

Jace whined and my heart flipped at the sound. What was the matter? Didn't he want me here?

I couldn't help but wonder if this was what it would have felt like when Avery first phased, this helpless feeling. None of the boys really wanted this to happen to them even though they accepted their fate. Who really wanted to be a giant dog made for hunting vampires?

Only jerks like Jonathan would find it fun just because it gave him a hot body.

I had lost myself in those thoughts for a second, and quickly refocused my attention on the giant wolf that turned towards me. Jace seemed to want to come to me and I felt anxious at the thought. We couldn't exactly communicate so what was he trying to do?

I searched his eyes trying to figure out the answer when it hit me.

It felt like he had thrown a fishing line forward and it had wrapped around my entire being, hook line and sinker. Jace's eyes were pulling me in, drawing me towards him, and I couldn't fight it. I felt myself being pulled under his spell and that's when I realized what was happening.

He had imprinted on me.

ON _ME?_

I shook my head back and forth, taking a step backwards. I forgot I was on the steps and ended up flat on my butt. Jace whined as I yelped in surprise. I wasn't hurt though so I quickly got up and rubbed myself clean.

"Nix? Did he just….imprint on you?" Daddy asked, his voice strained with disbelief.

I looked between my father and Jace's wolf, unsure of how to answer. Tuari released a quiet bark to gain Dad's attention and then nodded his huge wolf head as Daddy turned to him.

Oh my God, he really had.

"Fucking hell!" Daddy swore. "You imprinted on my daughter?" he bellowed. For a moment there I thought he would rush forward and attack Jace or even burst into his old wolf. A vein was throbbing in his forehead which was never a good sign. Jace whined and stepped back, lowering his head to the grass in submission, but then he looked up at me, pain in his darkened gray orbs. I felt worried about him but then quickly pushed that feeling deep down.

No, I couldn't deal with these involuntary feelings right now. I couldn't do this. I turned and fled the scene of the crime, rushing back up to my room. I slammed the door and locked it, not wanting the comfort of my parents or my brother. I couldn't talk about this with anyone.

The ground outside thudded with the heavy paw prints of the wolves telling me that they were leaving, probably to take him for a run or something. A low mournful howl pierced the night and I knew that it was Jace calling to me, longing for me to accept him.

But I couldn't, I just couldn't.

Jace was not the one, he was the wrong one!

How had this happened? I was _Avery's_ soul mate! How could I be Jace's too? Just because he was dead didn't mean that we weren't meant for each other! I shouldn't belong to anyone else now, I thought it would never be possible to find that kind of love again. I had loved him my whole life, I didn't need imprint magic to know that I wanted to spend my life with him!

This was wrong, this was cruel, this was an offence to his memory, to all the love that we shared! Avery had been the other half of me. I didn't feel the same way about Jace. No matter the connection that obviously had been there from the start, it wasn't the same as what I'd had with Avery.

I wasn't ready to let him go, I wasn't ready for someone else to take Avery's place in my heart. It was wrong of the Spirits to force me into doing something that I wasn't ready for.

It was cruel to Jace because I couldn't care for him the way he cared for me.

This entire thing had turned out to be one big mess!

I wished he had never come here.

I sank to the floor and buried my head in my hands as the sobs violently shook my body. Nothing was as I wanted it to be, nothing. My whole life had been turned upside down a year ago and now it was being turned again. I couldn't keep grounded no matter how hard I tried.

What was I going to do?

I heard my parents banging on the door but I couldn't move. I just didn't want to see them. The bathroom door opened moments later and they rushed to my side though – I had forgotten the other entrance which connected to Ruthie's room.

"Phoenix honey, it's okay! It's going to be okay!" Momma shushed me as she pulled me into her arms.

"You don't have to be with him if you don't want to baby! He can just be your friend, he can be a good friend." Daddy added.

But that was it, whether Jace was a good friend or best friend or a boyfriend, he would push Avery out of my heart. He would, that's how the imprint worked. I had seen it all my life, I knew how it went. I'd fall for him whether or not I wanted to, whether or not I fought him for three years like Josie fought Tuari, I'd end up giving in just like she would one day.

And then everything would change and I'd have to let my Avery go forever.

Maybe if I'd had the closure that he was really gone, maybe if I didn't feel guilty over his death, maybe if we had found his drowned body and given him a proper burial, then maybe I wouldn't feel as if there was still some part of him left to hold on to.

JACE

I couldn't leave her, the way she looked at me before running away ripped me apart. Phoenix was really my imprint and she had rejected me. I wished that I could phase back and go to her, but I didn't know how. My body was on edge, there was so much adrenaline pumping through my veins, the wolf was anxious. It was like having to share my mind and emotions with another person. The wolf had its own wants and needs and I, Jace, felt powerless against it.

 _Come on, let's go run, you can't just stay here Jace, it will make things worse for you._ Sammy pleaded, his wolf nose pushing me along.

Paul had run inside after his daughter, alerting his wife to the situation. I could hear them trying to calm her down. I had broken her heart, I had imprinted on her, the one thing she never wanted to happen with me.

Yes she wanted the bond of an imprint, just not with me. And if it wasn't with him, she didn't want it at all.

I had everything to give, my heart and soul were already completely hers. Everything I felt all along now made sense, how she calmed me earlier today made sense. Her mother had been right. I knew for certain that I was hers, her soul mate and she was mine. Only that she wasn't really mine because in her opinion, she belonged to someone else.

But he wasn't here anymore! I was! Didn't that count for something? Would she ever give me a chance?

Just give her some time bro, trust me, it's all you can do! I would know, I've been giving Josie time for a while now but she's finally coming around… it won't be easy, it will require a ton of self-control and patience, but you can do it. Tuari advised.

I wasn't so sure but I knew that I had no choice.

I followed Tuari's grey wolf and Sammy's black and white one out of the compound and deep into the forest. Everything was clear even though it was dark out. I could hear, smell and see everything so perfectly it was actually a little scary and disorienting. I would have to learn how to filter shit. The further I got from Phoenix the more I felt to turn back, it was like a pull or tugging in my chest and my body burned to hold her in my arms.

You'll get used to your wolf senses after a while, but unfortunately the pull of the imprint when they're upset never gets easier to handle. (Tuari)

 _Great_. That was just perfect. Totally screwed, I was.

We ran the border since the two had already been on patrol when I phased. Later we were joined by Quil who welcomed me to his pack and let Tuari and Sammy go home so it was just us two. I didn't miss his sympathy as he thought about me imprinting on Phoenix. He thought of her as a broken sad girl, then thoughts of her with Avery flashed through our shared mind and the sight of her happy face almost killed me. He really was a good looking guy, and they seemed perfect for each other. Would I ever be able to compete with that?

 **Sorry, it was a mistake.** (Quil)

 _Nah it's okay. It's reality and I have to get used to it.(Jace)_

 **I had to wait sixteen years for my imprint to become a woman so that I could date her, Jace. So if you have to wait a little while, trust me, you can and will do it. She'll be worth it, you can put her back together again. You're her other half and she needs you to be whole again. Nix is stubborn, but she'll come to her senses soon enough once the imprint kicks in**. (Quil)

 _That's just it, I don't want her to feel forced. I want her to want me because she wants me, not because she has no choice._ (Jace)

 **Well, she will make the choice eventually, the imprint will make sure of it.** (Quil)

I wished I could be comforted by that but I really couldn't. I wanted to be wanted but not like that. The imprint was a huge blessing, guaranteeing me that I could give my heart to someone who was perfect for me, but it was clearly a one way street. It didn't magically make a girl fall in love with you. Tuari had no such luck and I wouldn't either.

I was moved into the pack house that morning, on my tenth day of being in La Push. Paul and Tuari brought my things over after I finally phased back and took my shower. I tried not to get all emotional and pissed about it. I felt like I was being shunned even though I knew that I wasn't being put out of the house by them – well by Corrie. I was sure that Paul wanted me gone since I had imprinted on his daughter. He seemed so angry with me, the way he glowered, but what could I do? It wasn't like I had a say in the matter. Because it was hurting her so much I wish I hadn't just for Phoenix's sake. Claire had woken up to make some food for when we got back and I scarfed it down in a matter of minutes. Phasing was exhausting and made me ravenous.

While my body and heart cried out to go to my imprint I forced myself to sleep. I didn't wake up until it was dinner time that day and my body still ached all over.

The first thought on my mind was Phoenix again and I wondered if she'd see me now if I went. Quil was waiting for me in the kitchen when I came out.

"How you feeling?"

"So-so."

"Sit, Claire's almost done with dinner."

His imprint looked over and gave me a sad and welcoming smile and I knew she pitied my misfortune with my own imprint. I hated the feeling of being pitied. I really did. It wasn't helping.

I sat with them and ate quietly. We were interrupted by the return of Jonathan and Zack who arrived home from work. They both pulled up chairs and started chatting away, recalling their day for the alpha and his wife.

I felt out of place. I didn't belong here. They weren't my family even though the wolf determined that they were now. But I just didn't feel the bond like I did with Tuari and Sammy. They didn't need to eat here unless pack meetings were being held. The first one would be tomorrow, a bonfire on the beach. The last thing I wanted was to go to another bonfire.

But the next evening found me at First Beach with the pack anyways. Claire and her aunt who was actually Emily had taken care of the food and were busy setting things out along with Kim. Sam was there as acting chief, Jared and Paul, Quil, Jonathan, Brady, Sammy, Amber, Tuari and Josie were there as well. Adrian and Zack were on patrol. Apparently imprints were allowed to come to these things. I felt as if someone had carved my heart out, realizing that mine had stayed away.

Josie came over to me where I sat alone on a log and put her arm around my shoulders. She had a whole heap of beaded bracelets on her wrist, like mala beads.

"I don't think you should be doing that, new wolf and all," I said with a sad smile.

"It's okay, you seem pretty calm."

Tuari made a low rumbling in his throat across the fire pit but Josie rolled her eyes and waved him off.

"How you holding up wolfy?"

"Can't you tell? I'm just peachy."

She giggled and shook her head. "Well I'm glad _that's_ over with at least."

I nodded and sighed. So was I.

"How's…how's Phoenix?" I asked, my voice catching in my throat. The pain was overwhelming, just saying her name.

"She's….Phoenix…she's a mess."

"I'm sorry, I honestly never meant to hurt her."

"I know you didn't, and I'm sure she knows that too, she's just really shocked and needs some time to come to grips with everything."

"I just wish I knew how long she needed. I just want to talk to her."

"Hmmm, now may not be a good time, but I'll let her know. She can't hide from you forever anyways."

I nodded, but Josie wasn't really the one who could pacify me, knowing that she had pushed Tuari away for almost three _years._ What would happen when I went back home?

Home…

I didn't even know if that was California anymore. Now that Phoenix was mine for sure, how could I leave her? She needed me.

No, I needed her.

That's how this went, right? I was now sickly attached to her and there was nothing she could do or say that would make the pull go away. I was rooted here forever because of her. I didn't know if to feel happy or sad. I mean, I would be happy if she wanted me back…but what if she never accepted me as her wolf? What then?

Could I really leave her behind?

Could I really stay and face rejection every day?

I'd have to give her what she wanted because I was hers.

"Jace, I know you cared about Nix before this happened, so don't feel like none of this is real, and honestly I think she cares about you too, she just hasn't accepted the possibility of being with someone else. Just give her some time to sort through things."

"But you don't want to be with Tuari, so it kinda makes it hard for me to have hope when I know that the imprint can be rejected."

Josie made a sound in her throat and I looked over to see her staring at her wolf, who was staring right back. She turned to look at me with a mix of emotions in her eyes.

"Tuari means a lot to me Jace, and I understand that now. So yes, you can have faith in Nix, okay? Just try to focus on you. You have a whole new life to adjust to right now."

"'Kay."

"Love ya cuz, welcome to the family." Josie pulled me into a quick hug and kissed my cheek.

I couldn't help but blush at her words. It wasn't often that anyone told me they loved me. Enid was the only one.

Josie and Amber were called to get their plates then Jared, Sam and Paul went to eat after the women. The wolves went last and we basically cleared everything away. After dinner Quil and Sam discussed rules and patrol schedules for my benefit, I was slotted for late afternoons until further notice. Then came the legends. Honestly I didn't want to hear them, because I didn't want to face reality.

While I had imprinted, I had also become a wolf for the particular reason of hunting and killing vampires on our territory. I didn't want to do that, to face a bloodsucker that could kill me as easily as I could kill it. I wasn't a killer, no matter how big or ferocious my wolf was, that wasn't me. No amount of "You'll get used to it," could change that either.

After the legends were told it was time to go home. I tried my best to put on a brave face as I helped kill the fire and gather up stray litter. Sam and Emily came over and asked for a moment to talk.

"I just wanted to congratulate you on the imprint, Jace. Nix is such a sweet girl, you both are really lucky to have each other," but as she spoke tears filled Emily's eyes.

"It's not what she wanted though…" I murmured.

Sam grabbed my shoulder and gave it a firm squeeze. He was still a huge man, still an alpha even though his wolf was retired. I could feel the authority roll off of him as he looked down on me.

"Imprinting isn't an easy road, just hang in there and give it your best, be what she needs you to be. Right now Phoenix needs a friend, that's what she lost more than anything else when Avery died. Be that for her and I know that things will get better." His voice cracked as he mentioned his son, and his wife nodded at me in agreement.

"I'm sorry about Avery…" I said. Even though I envied and sometimes resented the guy, he didn't deserve to die so young, he was really missed by everyone here.

"Thank you," Sam said. "And welcome to the family. You've got Uley blood, and we're happy to see our legacy continue. Stop by the house anytime okay? Embry will be home soon and he'll help you through this."

"You really believe that?" I asked.

"Yes, and I'll call him tonight and make sure he understands that he needs to come home, that it's an emergency. You shouldn't have had to wait so long, I didn't think he would need so much time to get his business sorted."

Sam seemed so confident in saying this that I could only nod in agreement. They bid me goodnight and I watched them walk to their car with Jared.

I grabbed some stuff for Claire and started to walk with them to Quil's Subaru where Paul was waiting. Sammy and Tuari had gone with their imprints already, while Jonathan and Brady had gone to a party.

"Jace," Paul said with a stern nod.

"Good night," was my response as I slid the items into the trunk.

"Listen uh, I just want you to know that Phoenix is doing alright." I looked at him skeptically. "I mean, she's not really okay but she'll be alright."

He was making no sense.

"Look I know it's not what any of you wanted to happen and I'm sorry about that. But I hope that now you'll let me see her and spend time with her – if she'll let me. I just want to help, I just want to make her better. That's all I ever wanted before I phased. I want Phoenix to be happy."

Paul sighed and stuffed his hands into his designer jeans. "I know kid, I know. I'll let you know."

"Tell Corrie I said hi. I miss her and Ruthie."

"Trust me they miss you too. We'll have you over soon when things…calm down a little, okay?"

I nodded and felt more sadness descend on my shoulders. He meant when his daughter would agree to let me come.

"See you soon kid," he pulled me into a stiff hug and turned to his truck. I rejected a ride home and walked to the treeline, then stripped and tied my rolled clothes onto my ankle. It took me a few seconds but I was able to morph into my wolf – which only hurt a little this time. I wasted not a moment before I raced through the trees and up onto higher ground, passing the cliffs and beach behind me. I was happy to be alone in my wolf head but Sammy would be on patrol soon. There wasn't a need for constant patrols since there hadn't been vampire troubles since Tuari phased three years ago, so patrol wasn't covered every hour of the day, nor was it longer than four hours per wolf.

As I ran I thought of Phoenix, naturally. I missed her so much, I just couldn't help but wonder when we'd talk again.

I needed her to forgive me for imprinting on her.

Until that happened, I knew she'd never let me love her.

 _AN: Finally, in the next chapter, Embry comes home._


	16. The Other Father

No copyright infringement intended on Stephenie Meyer's work!

Chapter 14 – The Other Father

JACE

I got my wolf tattoo which hurt like a bitch – but at least I was now officially a part of the pack. Aside from gym dates with Paul, Quil ran with me when it was my slot for boundary patrol every day, since I basically had to learn the ropes. With the other members of the pack we practiced making emergency howls til my throat was hoarse, and also simple stalking and fighting techniques. The pack seemed impressed with my serious nature and ability to control myself as a newbie, because the many sights, sounds and scents were usually quite distracting at first.

What really made me have this control was the thought that this was my one chance to connect to my Quileute blood. I yearned to be authentic, to belong, to have a complete identity. I had wanted that my whole life, and now I finally had the chance.

And I wanted to form strong bonds with the pack while I was here. I wanted to make everyone and maybe even my father proud of me. It had only been a few days since the bonfire but I was already feeling different about myself. I felt stronger, somehow more mature even if a little hot-headed thanks to Jonathan who just rubbed me the wrong way. Sammy informed me that he had always had a thing for Phoenix and wasn't too happy that I'd imprinted on her.

Thinking of Phoenix worked like a charm every time I wanted to phase back. I still missed her and was yet to see her, not even in the yard from a distance had I been able to catch a glimpse. Sometimes before going in for the night I'd sneak into their backyard and listen to Phoenix in her room. I never heard much because she was so quiet, but it comforted me to be close by.

Corrie and Ruthie came to bring me food at the pack house a couple times since I was not yet allowed to visit by my imprint and it was comforting having that motherly influence. Claire wasn't very motherly, she was just a pleasant housemate who kept to herself. Plus, her cooking wasn't like Corrie's either, though it was still pretty good.

I was at the kitchen table of the pack house eating breakfast the fourth morning since I'd phased. Quil, because he was on vacation from school, was able to spend time with me and keep an eye on my progress. I was still eating the last of the eggs on my plate when the front door closed and heavy footsteps sounded down the hall. I watched Quil stiffen and turn.

"FUCK!" he exclaimed, then looked at me unapologetically.

"Jace?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry I didn't know he'd be here now."

But before I could really register what he was saying, a man strolled right in and dumped his bag on the floor and grabbed a pancake from the counter. "Breakfast actually still out? I'm so fucking hungry and I miss your wife's food Ateara. The deal went through last night, FINALLY. I swear that old man wanted to drag this shit out for another year. Jacob almost lost it and phased in the conference room," he sighed while chomping, hitting Quil on the shoulder.

Quil looked at him and grimaced. "Glad you're home Em, it's about time. You kept us waiting for two fucking weeks, man. Why didn't you just come back."

"I had my shit to handle! Paul said it could wait. What was this big important meeting you guys kept pestering me about? First Paul then you and Sam. You knew how important it was to me to buy that company, pack shit isn't my problem anymore."

"It's not really about the pack, it's about you Embry."

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

Quil motioned his head towards me and Embry turned to face me.

I don't think either of us was prepared for what we were about to see.

It was like looking in the mirror. ME but with a different hair-cut, different clothes, different eyes. He was an older me.

"Who the fuck are you?" He asked with a sudden panic. I stood automatically, feeling my palms grow sweaty.

"Embry calm down, let me explain." Quil said with a serious yet soft tone.

"Quil why the fuck does he look like me?" Embry pointed at me.

His mannerisms were just like mine. And he liked the F-word which I did too.

This was my sperm donor. He was the reason I was here.

"This is Jace Montgomery, Valerie's son." He gestured over to me and looked back and forth between us. "Paul was hoping to talk in private before you met him. But he's yours Embry, he was born a few months after Tuari. He's here for the summer because he's been sick and having anger issues, so his mother sent him here to find you. I guess she figured you could help him. But when everyone saw him it was obvious what was really going on – he phased a few days ago."

"So Corrine didn't know that he was mine before he came?" he sounded doubtful.

"She didn't even know he existed. Val hasn't talked to her in years either Em, not just you."

I inhaled deeply and watched my father do the same.

Embry took two steps to the table, drew out a chair and plopped in it, as if his legs could no longer support him. He just sat there, staring, not moving. I looked up at Quil, the tears gathering in my eyes. I didn't know what to do or what to say. My whole life I'd waited for this moment and now it was finally here I was blank. I didn't know how to even feel.

Embry was really my father.

I don't know what happened but suddenly his arms were around me and he was sobbing loudly over my shoulder, while Quil watched in the background, swearing under his breath. After a moment or two my hands found their way to his back and I held him too.

I held on to my father and cried.

It took us a few minutes to get ourselves together so that we could actually have a conversation.

"I can't believe Val kept you from me, what was she thinking?" he said, still looking at me with awe. He'd affectionately rubbed the back of my head a zillion times and smelled my hair in the short space since we met. Honestly, even though I had hoped, I had not expected this to be a loving meeting.

"Will you tell me what happened?" I asked.

"I will, but not today. We'll get together and spend the day tomorrow so we have enough time…"

But three days passed and I didn't see Embry. He was never here.

I was frustrated and trying not to get too upset but the waiting made it impossible to keep my cool. I spent more time in wolf form until I was too tired and needed food, a bath and bed.

I felt rejected and abandoned by him. But I sure as hell wasn't leaving Washington until he explained to me why my mother didn't want to tell him he had a son.

What had he done? What happened? Had he changed his mind about being happy to meet me? Those two questions were literally haunting me and keeping me up at night.

I was lying across my bed, throwing a bean bag around when I heard my cell phone ring. I wondered for a moment if it could be him calling.

"Hello?"

 _"Hey newbie, how are you?"_

It was Josie. My heart filled with disappointment.

"Hey Jose, I'm okay."

 _"I heard you met Uncle Embry, how are things going?"_

"It's been three days Josie, three! Where is he? How could he just disappear on me like that after crying all over me? What am I not good enough for him? He doesn't want kids? Is that it?"

" _I don't think so Jace. My Dad says he's a wreck. That after he left the pack house he basically had a melt-down. Uncle Embry was crushed to find out that your mom had kept you a secret. I think he's grieving for all the time he's lost with you so try not to be so hard on him, he needs time before he can talk about this._ "

"So I guess I just have to sit here and go crazy in the meantime right? How am I supposed to do it? I can't think about anything else. Between him and Phoenix shutting me out, I just don't know how long I can handle this…I just…" I sighed and leaned back against the wall, closing my eyes. I couldn't finish the sentence.

I just wanted to be wanted.

" _I'm sorry Jace, maybe you should go see him instead of waiting. I'll talk to Nix okay? I promise. See you soon._ "

"Okay, yeah, thanks Josie."

I ended the call and collapsed on to the mattress, burying my head beneath a pillow.

The next morning I walked to the Lahote residence and let myself in. No one was at the Ateara house to stop me so I took the opportunity. I had spent the night thinking about my situation with Phoenix and had decided that I couldn't let anything or anyone stop us from talking – not even her. And I wouldn't wait for her or my father to come to me, I would go to them.

But first I needed to talk to Paul and I needed to talk to my father. Embry was first up since to me that was the easier of the two. Since I'd met him and he disappeared again the anger had intensified but it also made me feel stronger about handling these two situations. I was done acting like a little bitch on all counts. I had to get my life sorted before it was time for college.

"Paul!" I shouted into the intercom.

"What are you doing here?!" he shouted from the top floor in a panicked voice.

"Don't worry I'm not staying," I answered with a resentful attitude.

"Watch it pup," he growled as he came thumping down the steps. When he finally reached the foyer he stood before me, his arms crossed. He was dressed in slacks and a button up shirt with expensive Gucci loafers on. He looked as if he'd stepped off the cover of GQ magazine – and he had been on the cover before, so it wasn't an exaggeration.

"I'm not here to see her," I said boldly.

"So why are you?"

"I want Embry's house address, I'm done waiting on him to grow a pair."

Paul raised an eyebrow and smirked. "I'll do you one better, I'll drive you."

Apparently he'd just come back from Port Angeles as he'd had some meetings with this guy Laurence who ran Paul's gym franchise over there. They were organizing a big fight night hosted by Wolf Moon in Seattle. He invited me to watch the match which was scheduled as some New Year's Eve extravaganza. We climbed into a sleek black Mercedes with tinted windows, it smelled of leather and lemony fresh deodorizer.

"This is my baby, bought it when I won my first couple million boxing."

"You won that much money?"

"Hell yeah, when you're a wolf boxing is easy. It was like taking candy from a baby. I know it was basically cheating but it was how I built my empire and helped the Tribe, so it was worth it."

"Hell yeah it was worth it. I think it's only right that _something_ good can come out of turning into a giant dog, it's a job you don't get paid for." I snorted and shook my head. There had to be some benefit to not having a say in who you would one day become.

Bitter much? Yes I was bitter because I had basically lost Phoenix and my father was hiding from me. Paul said nothing for a few moments but then cleared his throat and turned down the music.

"Look I know you're not happy with phasing but you'll get used to it. And like I said, after a year, or after you're able to control the phase, you can stop. Once you can stop the wolf you can get your life back. It's not a life sentence in prison, Jace."

I looked at him and nodded, but I dunno, I was feeling overly confident or pushy today and I didn't care anything about boundaries. I was an adult too and I wanted to have an adult conversation, not be treated like some child.

"I want to spend time with Nix. My wolf needs her." I was like a starving camel in the desert, my oasis hidden behind castle walls.

"You're still volatile, you can't spend time with her yet…and she needs more time."

"She doesn't make me volatile, she keeps me happy and calm. And if I feel myself getting anxious I will run away. You can trust me Paul, please. She needs to talk to me or things will only get worse. I can't wait forever."

"Dammit Jace, yes you can if you have to!"

"I bet no one could tell you to stay away from Corrie when you met her!"

"Oh you don't know the half of it where _that_ is concerned! Her father hated my guts and there was this guy who was obsessed with her, and all kinds of shit with her cousin Leanne – I know about people trying to keep me from the one I love! But that is not the point here, it's about what my daughter _needs."_

"She needs ME. I'm her soul mate!" I felt the heat rising through me and my body started to tremble. The wolf was rising to the surface.

"If you fucking phase and destroy my car I'm going to get my shot gun Jace Montgomery!" Paul slammed on brakes and glared murderously at me. I threw myself out the door and took deep breaths of fresh air to cool the wolf down.

I heard the car door open and Paul's heavy, angry footsteps as he stomped over to stand in front of me.

"Do I have to argue anymore about why you can't fucking be around Phoenix? You've only just phased Jace! You're not taking this seriously! You can't be around regular people for a while until you've got your temper in better hand. Stop rushing this or somebody's gonna get hurt! When I met Corrie I had been a wolf for more than a year, it's not the same."

I shook my head, still adamant that Phoenix had the opposite effect on me.

"If you really care about her, you will respect that I care about her a million times more. I will not put my baby girl in jeopardy for something bad to happen like Emily! You don't want to live with that guilt for the rest of your life like Sam does either! Don't you think he regrets every day not being able to control himself in front of the one person he loved most? Trust me kid, this is for your own good!"

I hung my head in my hands and slipped to the ground. So many emotions were gnashing at each other inside, I just didn't know what to do. I wanted to see her so badly, but I didn't want to hurt her. The wolf was just begging to run and get her, take her away from here and from everyone.

"Jace, try to focus on you right now. You need to see your father and deal with you first."

I looked up at his face now, relieved to see genuine concern instead of anger.

I nodded and took the hand-up he offered. Paul then surprisingly pulled me for a hug and I let him. I knew he didn't want to be my enemy but I couldn't help but see him as a frenemy anyway. I had mad love for him just not his rules.

Still I humbled my wolf so that we could get back into the car and continue on our journey to my father.

We pulled up at a minty green house which was quite big but only had one floor. There was an Audi in the driveway and a minivan. There were flowers and shrubs all around, as if someone took time to work the garden.

"Your grandmother lives here. Embry made the place bigger so they'd have their own separate parts of the house."

I nodded. "Tiffany Call, she owns the convenience store." Quil had told me already.

Paul banged on the door, no one answered. He called my father's name but no one answered. I took a seat on the front porch, prepared to wait. I was determined to talk to him today.

After a little while I heard movement from somewhere inside of the house. "He's here. I can hear him," I said.

Paul nodded and started to look around for a spare key. He found it underneath one of the many flower pots and quickly opened up, before setting the key back where it belonged. I followed him inside and off to the left of the house which was Embry's side I guessed. There were pictures of him on the wall as a kid and I could see the resemblance to my baby pictures.

We found him taking a shower. Paul banged on the door again and told him we'd be waiting. I could hear his heart rate and breathing pick up and grimaced. Why was he so anxious about talking to his own son?

I hadn't expected the state my father was in. Although he had just showered his face was drawn and seemed to have aged. He had really dark circles under his eyes. His hair was a shaggy mop on his head and his clothes wrinkled. From the smell of the place I could see that he'd been in the dumps since we met – Josie was right.

"I thought you promised to call him?" Paul asked.

"I just needed time….I'm sorry," he said while looking at me.

I took a deep breath and ran my hands over the fabric of my jeans. I didn't know what to say first. I actually felt sorry for the guy. I had only been thinking of myself, but it must have been a real shocker to learn that you had a young adult son at this stage in your life.

"You look well, Jace. I'm glad things are going okay with the wolf," Embry offered.

"Yeah, I'm getting the hang of it."

"Alright well you two talk it out. Jace call me if you need a ride, I'm heading back home."

I nodded, trying not to smile at the glower Paul gave my father before walking back out the house. I listened to his car purr and drive off, wondering if he'd ever let me drive it.

"I hope that smug prick is treating you right?" he said with his own smug grin on his face. I was relieved that he was trying to be in a better mood.

I snorted a short laugh and nodded. "Yeah…sort of. I think he means well." I wouldn't talk about Phoenix right now.

"Good. If not, let me know, I can take him if you're too chicken."

"Ha! I'd pay money to see that you know so don't tempt me." I shot back.

He nodded and smiled but it ghosted pretty quickly. "So you have questions…"

"Yeah, I do, starting with, why didn't you come see me?"

Embry sighed. "I was fucked up in the head…I planned to come talk to you but I just couldn't get over what she did…I couldn't get over that you existed. You're a wolf now. If she hadn't sent you here it could have been horrible. You could have phased in front of the world, you could have hurt someone. It was my job to teach you and protect you and she robbed me of that. It's just a lot to take in."

"So if you knew about me you would have been in my life."

"Of course, and I would have told you about the wolves a long time ago. I would have protected you, Jace, believe me."

I nodded and sighed, the weight on my mind already felt a little lighter.

"Well how about we talk while I cook some lunch?"

"Okay," I agreed readily, trying to relax a little. There was no rush, we could ease into it, I had nowhere else to go anyways. Quil had given me the day off.

He took out frozen chicken strips, rice, some beans and seasonings from the fridge and set them on the counter. "You're going to college soon?"

"I'm starting UCLA."

"Doing what?"

"Engineering."

He nodded. "Sounds good but you don't strike me as the engineering type."

"Well, I'm not a shirt-and-tie type of guy…I'm more into environmental stuff – I wanna get into the reusable energy field and make hemp products and medicine."

"Sounds like a good enough plan, it's a very lucrative field. So you smoke weed?"

My face immediately warmed at the question. My parents knew nothing about it and I hadn't shared that information with anyone here but Josie. "Um, yeah, well I vape, which is healthier. It helped me keep calm when I was getting sick and angry."

Embry raised his eyebrows but then nodded. "Fair enough. You don't seem like a pothead."

I chuckled and shook my head. "No, I'm not."

"So your mom sent you here this summer?"

"Yeah. I got into trouble, lost my temper and fucked up this guy I can't stand – and his car. Brendon – my stepfather – was pissed and she figured it was best to send me here since I'd been asking about my real father. He didn't like it but I think Mom was fed up and just wanted me gone for a while."

He shifted uncomfortably when I mentioned Brendon but tried to hide it.

"So did you know about me from before?"

"No, she never said a word, she just kept saying Brendon is my only dad. They got married when I was five."

Embry nodded. "I see." I told him about my Dad, the businessman, golfer, and all around conceited jerk. I showed him a picture of my family from my phone.

"V looks just as lovely as she did back then," he said, his voice hitching in between.

"What happened? Why didn't she tell you about me?"

He sighed and stopped chopping seasonings. "I don't know why she made that choice. But I could guess it was because she knew I had a strange life that I had to choose over being with her."

"What do you mean, being a wolf?"

He nodded with a grim expression. "Because she wasn't my imprint I couldn't tell her. I loved her very much Jace, but we didn't imprint and I thought at the time that one day I would and then I'd break her heart. None of us wanted to do what Sam did to Leah when he imprinted on Emily. It seemed like a cruel thing, so having relationships outside of imprinting didn't seem wise. We were together for eight months, but she was tired of my secrets and I hated holding back."

"So you just assumed you would imprint?" I felt agitated by his confession. He had broken my mother's heart anyways, obviously.

"Well Sam and Leanne are my half-siblings, and they did, so it was assumed that I would too…but I never did. I waited ten years and never did. Your mother ended up being the only woman I ever loved."

That really sucked ass, I actually felt sorry for him, but then it made me angry. "So you didn't choose my mother even though you loved her, because you would imprint on someone else but you never imprinted."

"Right."

"Fuck! So all this time we could have been a family?"

Embry threw the stuff down on the counter. "That's what's been killing me since we met, that question. And the truth is that I don't know Jace! I can't tell you what might have happened, but I do know that if Val had told me I'd have come with her, I'd have moved to L.A. I would stopped phasing and I would have taken care of you. I would have been in your life. There's no doubt in my mind."

I got up and paced the room, not knowing what to say. My parents could have had a life together!

"You should have chosen her regardless of me, you should have stayed with her if you loved her so much! You broke my mother's heart! Otherwise she would have told you about me!"

"We were young wolves and we didn't really understand our choices. The Council never really gave us any other than being wolves and doing our duty. I never thought I could choose anything but that first. Things are different now that wolves are the Council, but it took a long time for us to understand that we could make different decisions."

I nodded, I couldn't argue with that could I? Things were different back then and I didn't know what it was like for him.

"Valerie knew how I felt, she knew how much I wanted her. I did what I did because I thought it would protect her from being hurt by me. I thought imprinting would be this great love that I couldn't refuse. I didn't want to break her heart by leaving her for another woman that I couldn't help but love more. It seemed like the right thing to do. I figured it was better to hurt her one way and not the other. We spent a few months together before she left for Seattle for freshman year. We fought like cats and dogs but we were still mad for each other. I couldn't get enough of her honestly. She was like the rainbow in my sky. Almost all my brothers were imprinting and I was lonely. Val made me feel whole. Who knows why we didn't imprint, why I never imprinted. All I know is that I lost the opportunity to be your father because I broke her heart."

"Couldn't you have tried to be with her? Is there seriously a law that wolves can't be in relationships unless they imprint?"

"The only rule is that you can't tell them the truth about yourself or the pack. And trust me it's hard with someone as observant as Val. She was constantly questioning me and that was why we always fought. I knew that one day we'd reach a point where she'd either have to know or leave me. I tried to be honest with her by telling her that I could possibly be with someone else – some kind of arranged marriage bullshit, but it did more damage than good. The possibility of me imprinting, even though she didn't understand what it really was, constantly loomed over us. She was constantly worried about this phantom woman who'd take me away from her. She deserved to know the FULL truth and I couldn't give it to her, that's why I thought it would be best that we just end things when she left for college…but when she came back for Tuari's baby shower, I couldn't help myself. I missed her so much and I was heartbroken that she was leaving Washington, I knew I'd never see her again. And that would be the night we conceived you."

"Some kind of goodbye that was…"

He nodded his head in agreement, he was busy putting the chicken strips into a pan on the fire.

"It's the biggest regret of my life but it felt like the only option. In reality I was just scared and unsure of myself and my future. I had to let her go because no matter what I decided, I was breaking her heart and I hated myself for it. How could I move in with her, build a life and then one day suddenly fall for someone else involuntarily? I was terrified. I saw all my brothers, I knew what an imprint is like. I wouldn't fight it. Val would only have been hurt worse. So it was better to not commit than to one day walk away from our life together."

"You should have just showed her and begged her to keep the secret. If she understood imprinting she wouldn't have been so broken, she would have told you about me," I mumbled.

"I wanted to- I got to a point where I was, but then Sam alpha ordered me never to say anything so I couldn't. I couldn't break pack law – it's sacred Jace, you have to understand that. I had to think about protecting the pack. For them, not being my soulmate meant that she wouldn't be obligated to keep my secret. She wouldn't have that unbreakable loyalty to me. The pack didn't feel comfortable with it so I had to obey."

"My mother is loyal to a fault." Mom never broke her word on anything.

"Oh, you don't have to tell me Jace, I know that better than you. I watched her be loyal to that prick of a father she had. He deserved nothing at all from her."

"What do you mean?"

He told me about my grandparents – my alcoholic grandmother and my cheating grandfather – and all the pressure they put on my mother to keep up their charade of the perfect family. Mom had been crushed when she found out her father had a second family. At a young age she turned to the bottle, just like her mother. The pressure to live a lie and to see her father treat her and her mother like they meant nothing, she was already broken when Embry met her. Mom took comfort in him, for some reason she could tell him everything.

No wonder she never talked about her parents or visited Washington. No wonder she was totally obsessed with our family image. She couldn't help it. She had been raised to seek perfection in all things. It bothered me that my mother had also never stopped drinking. Was she still haunted by her past? Was I a constant reminder of Embry? Is that why she hardly talked to me, looked at me? My heart was telling me that I had finally gained the truth. It made me sick inside. Maybe if I had been a girl, our life together would have been better.

"I was from a different world than hers. She knew I didn't know anyone in her world and that I wasn't part of the pretense. I was an escape for her, neutral ground. I wanted to protect her, make her happy. I wanted to be enough so that she wouldn't drink. It worked most of the time but I always wondered how she was doing, out there on her own."

"She still drinks…and I don't think she's happy," I admitted.

Embry turned to look at me with a pained expression. "I guess I never helped her at all then, clearly all I did was make things worse."

It sounded like he really loved my mother. And my chest ached with the thought that we could have been a family if he hadn't been such a coward. I understood what he said before but I just felt as if it wasn't enough. And I was pissed at Mom too. She should have put me first, she should have realized that I needed to know my real father. She denied me because of what happened between her and Embry and that wasn't fair.

"Regardless, she should have told you. Even if she knew we wouldn't be a family or whatever, we both deserved to know each other! She should have known that I'd need you." I was getting loud now, my blood pumping through my veins.

"Yes Jace, but I understand why she did it. It would have been hard for her to see me make a life with someone else. I think that's what scared her the most…even though it never happened."

"It was selfish and cowardly. You both were cowards!" the blood raged in my body and I knew that I would phase any moment now. I put my head between my legs and pictured Phoenix while counting backwards. I needed to have this conversation, I honestly didn't want to be a wolf now. This fucking wolf was the sole reason my parents could never be together. And right about now I hated it with every fiber of my being.

After I was able to get the trembling to stop, which seemed to impress Embry given my newbie status, he continued.

"From one perspective yes, we were both cowards. But your mother was trying to be strong and stand on her own two feet."

That pissed me off more. He had this lily-white picture of Mom in his head that I didn't find to be accurate.

"Stand on her feet? Yeah, she went to work and provided for us. But it's not like she was this great parent, Enid raised me. She had Enid there to take care of everything so she could just work. She married Brendon but he wasn't around much either. They love their jobs more than me and my brother Tyler. So don't act like she made this big sacrifice. She copped out of parenting, she barely loved me. She never acted like she gave a fuck about me. As long as I abided by their rules, that's all that mattered. You have no idea what kind of person she is, she's a fucking Ice Queen."

Embry seemed angry at the things I said, as though he couldn't accept it as truth. "Maybe her sending you here was her way of saying that she was sorry. I think she did this as a way of admitting she was wrong. Your mother prefers actions to words, it's not easy for her to bare her soul to people."

I shook my head and sighed, trying to push the wolf back again but I couldn't, I had to let the wolf go. I ran out the back door and barely made it to the trees when fur burst through my skin. I ran hard and fast for how long I didn't know, letting everything he said just sink in. But eventually I made my way back to Embry's yard. I found him sitting on the steps with a beer in his hand, a pile of clothes next to him. Covering my junk I walked up to him and accepted the pants and shirt.

Embry stood up and sighed, resting his hands on my clothed shoulders. "I'm glad you came back, Jace. I want you to know that I would have been honored to be there for you. But I can be here now. I just want you to give me a chance to be your father now. I know what you're going through, I was a wolf for twelve years. You don't have to go through this alone."

I nodded.

"Come let's have some food okay? I hope you like chicken stir-fry? It's my favorite."

"Smells good," I said with a reluctant smile. My stomach started to growl at the smell of the food.

"Well I can teach you how to cook you know? You're going to college you have to learn how to fend for yourself."

"Um I was just expecting Enid to freeze my meals, I'm not moving far away."

Embry looked at me and rolled his eyes. "My mother lives on the other side of this wall and she hardly feeds me. You don't need your fucking nanny okay? Trust me, there's a _man's_ way to survive."

I laughed. "But I thought Emily cooked for you when you were my age."

Embry froze and I busted out laughing.

"So you know about that huh?"

"Yeah, I do." I laughed again, relieved that we had passed the heavy stuff for now.

We talked about ourselves. I told him about what my life was like and he told me about his job and his lack of a serious love life. He slept with girls he met in the club in Seattle but he didn't date. He had a good savings put aside and one day he intended to build a house somewhere and live out his days alone.

It was very morbid and I told him that.

He shrugged. "I know. I've always been a bit of a loner, I guess that's what happens when you don't know your father and you don't find out who he was until you turn into a wolf and realize you've got two wolf siblings because your absentee father only left the three of you that one thing."

I took a deep breath, my eyes wide beyond their actual limits. I ended up blinking profusely as tears blurred my vision.

"So you didn't have a father and you didn't know about him until you turned wolf?"

"Correct."

Could we be any more similar?

"And by the way, congrats on your imprint. Although I'm not the best of friends with Lahote and Phoenix is messed up over Avery, it could have been worse. I know it's hard now but it'll be okay, it always is, trust me."

I nodded and sighed, realizing that maybe he didn't like her that much. But hey, she was difficult as fuck. I tried to focus on finishing the food which was pretty good.

I was surprised at how much we sort of had in common. But something bothered me since he brought up my imprint. Embry thought Mom would get over him and move on, but she never really found happiness again with Brendon, did she? I wasn't sure. I figured she loved our family, but when I compared her to Corrie, it was clear that something was seriously lacking. Was there ever light in her eyes?

My father didn't step up for my Mom like he should of, it only made me wonder if I could ever be the man my imprint needed me to be. Avery, the one she really wanted, was gone now and I worried that she'd never be happy again, even with me.

 **AN** : I loved writing this chapter, hope you enjoyed the angst lol

Thanks to all those who favorited and even reviewed! It really makes me feel good about posting when you review. To acouvion I hoped you liked the chapter. To Erikaahhh Thanks so much for your review. Yes I prewrite first, have been working on this for MONTHS. I am still working on the final chapters however, in fact, I've hit a bit of a wall which ALWAYS happens when I am trying to finish something. So I am still working on it. I've also started a Blackwater fic which is much shorter. Will post that soon.


	17. Advice

No copyright infringement intended on Stephenie Meyer's work!

Chapter 15 – Advice

JACE

The next day I was back at the Ateara house for patrol. When I came out of the shower afterwards, I traded my towel for a pair of the communal shorts from the shelf and a white wife beater. I knew it might just be my imagination, but for some reason my chest and arms felt bigger. Had I really grown within a few hours? I shouldn't be surprised, given how rapidly my body had changed in the last month or so.

I had spent the night at Embry's.

Even though we both were upset for our various reasons, there was an instant connection. We clicked. I actually liked him as a person when I put all the drama with my mother aside long enough to just talk to him. He was blunt but funny. He wasn't a total downer.

He invited me to move in with him for the rest of my stay so that he and my grandmother could get to know me better.

I was gonna do it. They were my family now. It was all so surreal, that I now had two more people in my life.

His mother had been so shocked to meet me when she came home last night. She cried, disbelieving how much I looked like my father at this age. She couldn't stop touching my face and crying in wonder. She felt sorry that she'd never taken the time to know my mother, stating that if she had been friendlier, Mom might have felt like she would have had support and stayed with me in Washington. My grandmother never knew about the wolves as she wasn't Quileute, and it made me feel bad to think that I'd have to spend my whole life lying to my mother like Embry did. He couldn't tell my mother not just because she wasn't his imprint, but she wasn't Quileute either. Embry said their relationship had been strained for years as my grandmother had thought that he was a delinquent. It was only when he started to earn good money and become more responsible that things had improved. I asked him how he hid not aging and he said that the wolves did age but at a really slow pace. Facial hair helped to look older.

It haunted me, the similarities between Embry and me. I didn't want to end up like him. I didn't want to live without the love of my life or without the love of my mother.

I was restless now. I was the only one at the pack house and I couldn't go to the Lahote house to see Phoenix. I was pining for her, she was in my thoughts day and night. I just wanted to see her but I hadn't gotten up the courage to do it yet given that her father was against it. Embry had warned me not to cross Paul. Although he wasn't scared of him, he said that Paul had the worst temper in the pack and it would only make things harder for me in the long run if my father-in-law hated me.

So I just needed to get off the compound and out of my own head for a while.

After changing into jeans and a t-shirt I grabbed my car keys sitting on the counter, I hadn't touched my car in days. I just needed to drive. I could run but I didn't want to be a wolf, I needed a different kind of speed.

I decided to go to the diner for some pancakes and a sundae – although Paul didn't want me eating sweets I just needed it for comfort food. I ended up talking to a few kids my age who were hanging out and they invited me to a couple parties.

After a while I found my way to the coastline and hit the accelerator. It was a cloudy day, just like my mood, so I couldn't even depend on good ole sunshine to chase my blues away. I suddenly missed home.

Enid would know what to say or do to make this all better for me. She'd have good advice, if I could tell her that is. I came to a clearing which led to a small parking area by some cliffs, and pulled over. I got out and took a walk, watching tourists take pictures of the choppy waters below. The view was amazing. [this is Paul's spot from the first book]

I decided to give Enid a call anyway, just hearing her voice would help.

" _Muchacho, why haven't you been calling me mi hijo?_ " were her first words.

"Lo siento, E. Estoy muy preocupado." ["I'm sorry E. I am very preoccupied."]

 _"Que pasa?"_ [What's wrong?"]

"Things have just changed so much…I don't feel like I have a grip on anything happening in my life."

" _Como está? Are you still getting those symptoms?_ " ["How are you?"]

"Not really…they're the least of my problems right now."

" _Well tell me what's wrong, stop keeping me in suspense!"_

I grinned at her impatience and nodded to myself. I was just walking aimlessly around the cliff.

"I met my father and I met a girl that I really like and I'm scared I won't be able to date her."

" _Dios Mio_!" ["Oh my God!")

"Exactly."

" _First of all, tu papa?"_ ["Your father?"]

"Sí. I look just like him E. Like an exact clone of him. His name is Embry Call."

 _"Do you like him_?"

"Yeah, actually. I think we're a lot alike…I'm still kinda mad at him for not making things work with Mom but I guess neither of them knew how the future would turn out so I can't really hold a grudge. I just wish she'd told me and him about each other…"

" _Your mama never speak about this man, Jace. Never. And I been here before you were born. Whatever it is, she cannot speak of it so you do not be angry with her. All these years tu mama has never healed. Su corazón está roto._ " [Her heart is broken.]

"Well my heart's broken too E, and so is Embry's. He never had a chance to know his son, or love me. He would have been there."

" _Tu no sabes eso_." ["You do not know that."]

"Yo sabes! You haven't met him! He was crushed to find out about me, he couldn't even face me for like three days because he was totally fucked up!" ["I know!"]

" _Aye! Jace, cuida tu lenguaje_!" ["Watch your mouth!"]

"I'm sorry E. Look, he's a nice guy. I'm going to be staying with him from today so I can get to know him and my grandmother."

"T _u abuela? Es ella agradable_?" ["Your grandmother? Is she nice?"]

"Si, very. But don't worry, she won't take your place."

" _She better not!_ "

We chuckled for a moment and then I sighed. "If Mom had told him I wouldn't have been so lost recently. I'd have understood what was happening to me, I would have understood why our family is the way it is. I feel like Mom brought on all this extra that didn't need to be there just because she didn't talk about Embry."

" _I know Jace, but we all do the best we can with what we're given_."

"You honestly think the last eighteen or nineteen years were her best?"

" _Aye, Jace, she is still your mother! Don't disrespect her to me! No lo soportaré!_ " ["I won't stand for it!"]

"You're just like him, he doesn't want to speak ill of her or hear me question her decision to keep me away from all my family – cause it isn't just him she kept me away from, it's her family too!"

" _She had her reasons! That is HER business!_ "

"You might be fine with not having answers but I'm not. She has to spill when I get home. Embry thinks this trip was her way of apologizing, her way of giving me that part of my family that I've never known."

" _Look Jace, I was with you when your mother took you to Forks to meet her family. Her mother call many times and ask for visit but Miss Valerie say no, they never knew about you. I was the one to convince her to take you because I didn't like how alone she was. It was horrible, the things they said about you because you no gringo and born out of wedlock. I vow never again to push her to do something like that. She had good reason to keep you away and I trust her."_ [gringo – white]

I'd never heard Enid speak so much good English before and was momentarily impressed before it really sank in what she said. I had no idea that I had been to Forks as a baby. I didn't remember.

Mom did have a good reason, she sheltered me from her family's prejudice. But that didn't make up for what happened with my father. But I wasn't going to say anything else.

" _So what about this girl? Quien es ella_?" ["Who is she?"]

"Phoenix Lahote. She's the daughter of Mom's old friend Corrie."

" _Ah my. Yes I remember her a little, she used to call Miss Valerie_."

"Yeah."

" _So you think it would not be okay to date her?"_

"Well, she's a little hesitant…" 'Hesitant' definitely was a nice way of putting it.

" _Oh .You come home soon and go to UCLA and you meet nice girl. It is just a crush mi hijo_."

"Yeah. I'm sure I'll meet plenty of girls, but what if it's not a crush? What if I'm sure that she's the one for life?"

" _La amas?_ " ["You love her?"]

"I-" I broke off…did I really love like LOVE Phoenix? I thought I did, but now I wasn't so sure if I did or if it had been the imprint all along. I was confused. "I care about her a lot." Honestly I felt connected to her heart and soul, but realistically she hadn't allowed me to be close enough to her to fall in love.

" _Well then you wait._ "

Enid said it like it was the easiest thing in the world which made me smile.

"Yeah, I guess I will…I mean, I already am."

Impatiently.

" _You are starting a new chapter, there will be new things to see and do. Just give it some time. You do not know how you will feel in three months' time let alone a year_."

"I don't want to lose her." I knew that I would feel the same way always. It was hard explaining this to someone who didn't know about imprinting.

" _Well she can be a long distance friend until then_."

I nodded to myself. "I guess." But I hated that idea of long distance. We were in the same town and the distance between us was more than killing me.

"W _ell listen muchacho, you call me again soon okay? I go pick up some things for tu mama before she gets back_."

"Is she…doing okay without me around?"

" _She misses you, but she's okay._ "

Sure she did. I doubted that very much. "What about Brendon? And Tyler?"

" _Mr. Brendon been very busy, he been gone a lot. Tyler is okay, he misses you too._ "

"Cool, well, te amo Enid." ["I love you"]

" _Te amo Jace, be good_."

"I will."

I made a quick call to my little brother just to touch base then shoved my phone into my pocket and walked to the cliff's edge. I found it strange that Brendon was gone so much, it wasn't like him, and I couldn't help but wonder if there was trouble between them because of me. I don't know how long I stood there but I just stood there for a long time, wishing, hoping, praying that things wouldn't get worse before they got better.

PHOENIX

It was a humid Wednesday morning. It was sunny but there were clouds and the air was pregnant with moisture. I just felt sticky and gross, like I needed a day at the beach, but I'd volunteered to fill in at the library for story hour today. I tried to go at least twice a month, especially during the summer when lots of tourist kids were on the Reservation staying at our few guest houses and the hotel.

Today was my first time leaving the house since Jace imprinted on me, and I had forced myself to go because I literally couldn't take being locked inside my room anymore.

I had been hiding from him, and I knew that it was a terrible thing to do, as I had seen how sad and angry Josie's rejection had made my own brother over the years, but I couldn't help it.

I was angry and sad and scared of the future, of what this meant.

Josie had been pestering me to talk to her for days and I knew that she was just going to encourage me into thinking that this was a good thing, the imprint. I didn't want to hear it at all but I finally caved and agreed to meet her after the library. I missed her and she was the only one who knew what I was feeling yet again. We'd lost Avery together and we both had wolves we thought we didn't want…I needed her even if I didn't want to hear her opinion on my situation. I just needed a change of scenery.

Josie and I met up at the café for lunch. As we waited for our panini sandwiches we sipped on iced coffees and gossiped about the latest news she'd been hearing around the Res. Apparently everyone was talking about Jace and Bethany being the hottest couple this summer. Bethany had been running her mouth all over Forks and Destiny had been encouraging it. Destiny was such a people-pleaser, it was annoying. She had no good sense in her head to choose Bethany as her best friend, that girl was fast and a liar. I didn't believe it was true for a minute but a part of me felt annoyed that they thought he was hers.

"You know as well as I do that Beth did it on purpose, she's just trying to make herself relevant since she's already slept her way through all the cute guys – including Tuari." Josie snorted in annoyance. Tuari had hooked up with Beth after he imprinted on Josie as an act of imprint rebellion. It hadn't ended well for anyone…It just gave Josie another reason to despise him.

"She doesn't seem like Jace's type though…I doubt anything happened between them," I grumbled, pushing my hair back over my shoulder.

"So you do care," she smirked and I shook my head.

"It's not like that, I just mean, they're stupid lies regardless."

"I think something happened, just not anything much. I heard Beth talking to Destiny about it. Jace bailed before they could do anything serious."

I watched her for a moment, thinking maybe she was lying, but I could see that she wasn't. "Huh," I grunted and sat back, letting it sink in. Bethany certainly knew how to get under people's skin.

"It meant nothing so don't waste your time getting upset."

"I'm not upset," I insisted. But because of the imprint I couldn't help but feel some type of way because they had been intimate.

A couple girls from our year at school came in just then and waved to us before snagging their own table. Even from where we sat I could hear them immediately start to talk about Jace and wonder if he was around. I had no idea how he spent his days now, had he been around town for other teenagers to know him? Now that he was a wolf he probably looked even better than before.

Why was everyone so darn interested in him! Honestly, I wanted to scream at them to leave him alone and find someone else to obsess over. But I knew it wasn't me thinking that, it was the damn imprint messing with my emotions.

Our food came then and we thanked Maggie as she set the plates in front of us. She had dated Brady for a few years - he had yet to imprint after all these years of shifting. Josie and I chomped away hungrily for a while before talking. I was finished my sandwich in no time and ended up ordering a cheese croissant to top me off. These days my appetite had increased a lot – I was into comfort eating and it was beginning to show in my hips.

"So what are you gonna do?" she asked.

I sighed and sank down into my seat. "I don't know. I mean, what else is there to do but see him and get it over with…"

"But you're scared."

"Terrified," I affirmed. "You know I don't want this."

"But this is better than wishing for my brother Nix, can't you see that? He's never coming back, Jace is here and the Spirits have shown you that you're perfect for each other. Can't you at least let him be your friend?"

Josie sounded really hurt and I knew then that she had talked to him. "You talked to him?"

She nodded. "He's really sad and concerned. He doesn't want you to be upset with him, he's sorry he imprinted on you because he knows that's not what you wanted. He's such a great guy Nix, you should let him see you at least."

I sighed, feeling bad that he was hurting over me while I was hurting over someone else. I just felt so horrible, like I'd really betrayed Avery now. Yes he was …dead…but I was so convinced that he was my soul mate before this happened. We were both convinced. If he were here now he'd be crushed. And I felt like wherever he was, it hurt him to see that it wasn't true. It was stupid but it was how I felt, and I couldn't stop feeling that way.

I moaned rubbing the frustration from my eyes. I wouldn't allow myself to cry in public. "It's just so frustrating. Nothing has gone the way I thought it would in the last year – with Avery, now this? I just don't know anymore, nothing is what I need it to be."

"Maybe it's time to have new needs. Avery's gone, he can't be the one you want or need any more Nix, this isn't healthy." Her eyes filled with tears and I reached over and squeezed her arm.

"I'm sorry Jose, I know I'm only hurting you and everyone else, I want to stop this but I just can't. I just feel so guilty."

"Guilty? Why?"

I shook my head. I'd said too much. I didn't want to talk about that right now. It was the one thing holding me back from making peace with Avery's death.

"You have nothing to be guilty about, Nix." I shook my head, telling her she was wrong. "If you want to feel guilty, feel guilty for staying away from Jace. You're torturing him."

"Like you did Tuari all this time? I just thought you'd understand more than anyone." I couldn't help but snap in annoyance. I needed her to be on my side but it was clear that she was Team Jace now.

"I've changed my mind…"

"What?" I sat back in surprise.

"I'm giving him a chance…since Jace came and imprinted on you, it's kind of made me see things differently. I want to live in the now. I'm ready to move on and be happy and Tuari can help me. He really cares about me and I'm done denying it, I'm done being scared that he'll never be the right one for me. He is, he really is. And, Avery wanted me to be happy and I finally am."

A shiver ran through me as her words resonated in the most terrifying way. I felt like she'd slapped me. What was she saying? That my behavior was making her a better person? Was I really that bad? I found myself pushing away from the table and hastily dropping my money on the table. I had to get out of there.

"Nix please, don't be upset! You can't keep running from reality, it has to stop! Please!"

I shook my head and ran out of the café to the quiet safety of my car.

Reality was one thing I just couldn't handle.

When I got home Tuari met me by the stairs with a sad look. I knew Josie had probably called him.

"Save it okay? But I'm happy for you, honestly. You deserve to be happy after all this time Ari," I tried to smile and offered a quick hug.

"Thanks, but I was going to tell you that you have a visitor." With a hopeful, apologetic grin he pointed to the backdoor. The stirring in my chest told me it was Jace. It's like my body knew he was around, I'd have to get used to this, this unwelcomed attraction.

I took a deep breath as I stepped forward. A part of me wanted to bolt and lock myself in my room, but the other part of me said it was time to just get it over with. I was upset with the imprint, but Josie had poked my conscience. Jace was a nice guy. I didn't want to hurt him even though I was already.

I gulped and stepped out the house, closing the door softly behind me. Clearly my parents were out because I knew that Daddy had been keeping him away for my sake.

Jace was sitting by the pool, his legs in the water. He had been staring at the aquamarine ripples until I stepped out. I drew in a sharp breath as I observed his physique. He had grown. His was bigger than before, darker too, his bare chest was gleaming in what little sun was out and I noticed his fresh tribal tattoo. By the time my eyes made it to his face I was shocked again. He was sad, there were dark circles under his smoky eyes which seemed to be darker than before.

I had done this to him. Shame coursed through me as I walked over.

Jace rose to his feet and shoved his hands into his pockets awkwardly. "Hi," his voice was deeper and yet hoarse. Its vibration I felt move over my skin warming me.

I waved, unable to speak just yet as I was fully overwhelmed by his presence. He was hott and I felt guilty for thinking that.

"Sorry I just really needed to see you and Ari said your parents were out…"

I nodded again. It was actually okay.

"Look Nix, you don't have to say anything, I just wanted to apologize for what happened. I know you don't want this and I never meant to force you into anything - I'm not going to try to force you at all. I just came to say that whatever you want, it's yours, I just want you to be happy…and I need you to know that I'll be here for you if you need me. I can listen, I can be your friend, that's all I want to be right now. I just want the chance to get to know you better."

I nodded again, trying to push the lump of tears back down into my chest. "Thank you," I whispered. It felt good that he would say those things, I knew he was being sincere. Why did he have to be so generous when I was the total opposite? "Sorry I pushed you away…it's just a shock…and I'm not ready for what this all means…"

It meant that I had to move on and put Jace before Avery…

I wasn't ready to change my heart around.

Jace nodded and looked onto the ground. "I understand…but we don't need to rush into anything."

But I knew he didn't understand, no one did. They just thought I was crazy for a dead guy, which I was, but I maintained that I had a right to my grief. Just because he wasn't here anymore didn't make my feelings vanish too.

I had to get used to Avery's absence before I could accept Jace's presence.

I needed time to adjust. I knew that Josie was right…I had to face reality but I couldn't be forced by anyone or the imprint.

"Well, I just wanted to say that, and give you my number. Please call me if you need anything – I'm always around…"

I nodded and watched as his huge frame gracefully stepped towards me, then handed me a piece of paper. Our fingers touched as I accepted the slip, and I was jolted by a spark of warmth that travelled through my entire body. My eyes flew to Jace's face and I could see the longing in his eyes. He felt it too. I found myself glued to the ground, unable to break away from his intense aura.

I dunno how long we stood there staring at one another, but the door opened and slammed and I whirled around to see Benjamin glaring at Jace.

"So," he spat, stepping over to us. "You fucking imprinted on her!"

Jace nodded, but I noticed his fists clench at his side. I didn't want him to get upset. He didn't deserve Benjamin's jealousy. Ari must have told Ben something inside, he hadn't been around much in the last few days to really know what was going on.

"Ben, stop it!" I pushed him lightly trying to get him to turn around.

"You happy with that?" he asked me with an accusing tone.

I stopped, unable to answer.

"No she isn't, so really there's no reason for you to act like such a dick."

My chest felt tight as the pain in Jace's voice registered in my body. His pain was my pain now…just like mine was his. I felt horrible to be the cause of this affliction that was eating away at both of us. Imprinting was supposed to be a happy event.

"Well no one wants you to imprint on her, so just go back to where the fuck you came from, do us all a favor!" Benjamin barked.

"Don't say that!" I yelled, surprising us all.

Jace looked down on me, hope in his eyes, but I quickly looked away.

I wasn't ready.

"Just leave her alone, you hear me?" Benjamin continued in his rant.

"Does your _Pa_ know that you've got the hots for your _sister?"_ Jace retorted, menace contorting his usually kind features.

Benjamin stepped forward, clearly unafraid of what a wolf could do to him, the silly boy. "You don't know what you're talking about," he said through clenched teeth. I knew this was going south quickly and I needed to stop it. I stepped between them and begged my adopted brother to behave. "He needs to leave before I call Pa, he isn't supposed to be here."

I turned to Jace, pleadingly. Ben was right.

Jace nodded, his own jawline jumping as he ground his teeth. "Good bye Phoenix…" he huskily whispered, sending yet another pulse through my weakened limbs. A part of me wanted him to stay just so he wouldn't be in pain right now.

"Yeah, just keep walking til you hit L.A.!" Benjamin shouted to Jace's retreated back. I shoved him again, totally annoyed at his attitude, it just wasn't right. With a look of betrayal thrown at my face he turned and stormed back into the house, leaving me alone. But I wasn't concerned with how he felt right now.

"Bye Jace…" I whispered, hoping he could feel my remorse and helplessness.

 **AN** : Next 3-4 chapters we hit the heavy drama with dear depressed Phoenix, but after that we smooth out with some sweet moments between her and Jace. So be prepared lol. Angst alert!


	18. Guilt

No copyright Intended on Stephenie Meyer's work

Chapter 16 –Guilt

PHOENIX

A few days passed and nothing changed, even though I often looked at Jace's telephone number where it rested on my side table. Even if I did call him, what would I say? I knew he was hurting as my brother had with Josie, but I just couldn't bring myself to talk to him. I couldn't be his imprint, there was nothing in me to give to anyone. I felt so empty, so void, he had no idea how much better off he was without me in this pathetic state.

My mother came into my room early and informed me that there was going to be a memorial for Avery's birthday tomorrow. Aunt Emily had invited us over to make paper lanterns with her and the others.

I tensed immediately. Avery's birthday was tomorrow and I'd forgotten. I mean, I had remembered but forgot and now I felt so guilty. I would need to get flowers and take them to his empty grave. They had still put up a headstone and everything even though there had never been a body to bury.

I curled up under the duvet, my chest filled with the pain that had broken me in the last year.

"Oh honey, please don't get upset. I think this will be good for you. Remembering Avery doesn't have to be a bad thing you know. We all miss him, this is all hurting all of us, but Emily wants it to be a happy occasion, she wants us to focus on all the good things and not the bad, the seventeen years we happily got to spend with him. Okay? Can you do that?"

I found myself nodding and taking a deep breath. After she was gone I cried under my covers until I was able to push myself into the bathroom and get ready for the day.

I had to do this, for myself and for him. I needed to make peace and ask Avery's forgiveness for leading him to his death and the memorial was the only way to do that.

It was obvious that no one expected me to show up for the lantern-making by the looks on the faces of my aunts – especially Auntie Emily. As Momma, Ruthie and I walked into the dining room she rushed over to me and held me so tight. Momma and Ruthie went straight to the table and greeted Destiny and Lissa and their brothers.

I could hear the sniffles over my shoulder and knew that my best friends' mother was crying. She pushed away but held me at arm's length so she could get a good look. I avoided her by looking around the room. Some things were different, she'd done a little redecorating. I was amazed that she could.

"Oh honey," she said with so much pity in her voice that I cringed. Her sad eyes swept over my face and I felt uncomfortable, having her all up in my grill like that. "You need to start living again Phoenix, this isn't healthy – your face is hollow. Avery wouldn't want you to torture yourself and suffer like this, you do know that right?"

Still I tried not to look her in the eyes, bending my head to the right and staring at the carpet - and by default Auntie Kim's shoes.

"Nix? You know that right?" With a firm demanding voice Aunt Em shook my shoulders, surprising me.

"You're hurting me," I mumbled with irritation, trying to squirm out of her hands. I was surprised Momma let her do that but apparently she agreed. She had her "serious" face on when I looked at her expectantly.

Aunt Em still didn't let go. I could sense that she was annoyed or angry with me as her firm grip didn't let up. "Phoenix, it's time to start letting go. We all miss him, we all love him, but it's time for the pack to start living again. After this ceremony for Ave's birthday, we're all going to try to move on, I hope you will accept that and join us in saying good-bye."

I wanted to protest her stern tone of voice. I wanted to say that Avery wasn't some old pair of shoes to shove under the bed and forget. But a part of me couldn't. I was truly tired of being sad and hurting inside. I wanted to laugh and have fun again without missing him there in every little thing.

I found myself nodding and being pulled back into another tight embrace as she sighed with relief. "Good girl. That's what Avery would want, for you to be happy, don't forget that, okay?"

"Okay," I mumbled quietly.

Aunt Em wiped her eyes and released me but Auntie Kim came over and pulled me in for a hug as well.

"We need you back Nix, we want our girl back, don't let this loss change you. My offer still stands for you to come see me okay? Everything you say stays between us, I know you don't agree but talking about your feelings really will help you deal with everything that's happened. All you need to do is try it a few times and I bet you will see." She smiled and smoothed my hair down my shoulder.

"I'll think about it," I mumbled, forcing a smile which seemed to pacify her. Momma rubbed my back seeming pleased. I forced another weak smile and let her lead me over to the table. Josie called me over to sit next to her and gave me an encouraging smile. Auntie Kim played a tutorial video for us to see how we were making the lanterns. There were all colors of paper on the table, very beautiful, I could already tell that the sight of the lanterns floating into the sky would be magical. Avery would love it…

Hours passed and thanks to Destiny's constant chatter with our little sisters I'd finally relaxed into the groove. We were making as many as we could. It was tedious and I had to keep wiping my hands from glue, but it felt good to do something for Avery. The lanterns were a distraction, and I realized how in the past year I hadn't allowed myself to be distracted from my grief. I had solely focused on Avery and the memories I still had of us, I focused on the emptiness he left in my life. I cursed the fact that we'd only had few weeks together as a couple before it ended tragically.

Before I led him to his death that night – to go swimming in the moonlight.

I shivered at the thought of what I'd done. The stupidest decision I'd ever made. Who knew romance could kill?

Why hadn't he said no?

I'd asked myself this a million times. Why couldn't Avery have been the smarter one for once?

My body went cold and I held on to myself, trying not to fall apart as the guilt ripped through me, making my chest hurt. I tried so hard not to think about that night, but it all came flooding back, just like it did in my dreams most nights.

"Are you alright honey?" Momma asked, holding on to my shoulder.

I shook my head. "I need some air."

"Go out onto the deck hon, the door's unlocked," Auntie Emily said sympathetically.

The back deck opened up into the yard and just like at my house I had a clear view of the forest down the path. A slight breeze blew chilling my body even more. I sat on the carved wooden bench my Daddy's factory had made and rested my arms and chin on the banister just so that I could look at all the greenery. Watching the wind and branches dance was soothing but my head was filled with dark and stormy thoughts. I almost wished it would rain to cover up my tears.

"Are you alright Phoenix?" Aunt Emily asked quietly, startling me. I hastily wiped at my cheeks and nodded before turning to glance at her. "I hate to see you hurting so much."

"Don't you?" I asked.

"Of course I hurt, very much…we all do. It's just not the same around here – I miss hearing him sing in the shower, or bicker with Josie, his father misses hearing about his day at the dinner table. We all miss having him in our lives…we miss being in his…and I don't think that feeling will ever go away Phoenix, but you can't stop living because he has – none of us can, it's not fair to Avery's memory, we need to live and let him live through us, do you understand that sweetie?"

She smiled kindly at me but it made me feel worse. I didn't deserve her pity or her kindness. I was the reason they all missed him, I was the one who put him in danger.

"Stop!" I screamed. "Just stop being so nice to me!" I cried, the sobs coming harder now.

Aunt Emily's mouth dropped open in shock. "Phoenix? Why would you say that?"

"Because I don't deserve it! I don't deserve to be happy or to move on while he's rotting somewhere!"

The tears trickled from her eyes now and I knew that it was wrong of me to say that out loud.

"Of course you do, you were his best friend, he loved you, you need to do this for Avery."

"I KILLED HIM!" I screamed, unable to control myself any longer.

She shrieked and her hand flew to her chest. She shook her head at me as her wide eyes stared in disbelief. Uncle Sam ran out to us at that moment, I figured he'd just gotten home.

"Emily?" he ran straight to his wife and pulled her into his broad chest. He was still larger than my father and the rest of the old pack – well besides Uncle Jake. Uncle Jake as the true alpha was huge.

"YOU killed him?" she stuttered.

"What? Who killed who?" Uncle Sam asked, confused.

"I did, I killed Avery!" I cried. I was crying so much that I was struggling for breath. My body was shaking and I could easily collapse at any moment.

"What? Phoenix what are you talking about!" he exclaimed.

Momma rushed out to me then with Josie and pulled me into her arms when she saw the hysterical state I was in. Aunt Emily told her what I'd said and my mother winced, then looked at me with hard eyes.

"Just cut it out Phoenix! You did NOT kill Avery! You made a bad decision but you didn't kill him!"

"What are you talking about Josie?" Aunt Emily stepped forward now, both her and her husband looking at me with fear and distrust.

My stomach knotted even tighter.

Josephine sighed exasperatedly. "It was her idea to go to the beach that night. She thought it would be fun to go or whatever. She blames herself for him taking the jump." Josie answered, walking over to hug her parents, sandwiching herself between them. "Right Nix?"

Everyone looked at me quietly for a few moments and I wanted to run and hide. They had a right to be upset. I didn't even realize that my best friend knew this all along. But I remembered now, I had texted her about it before Avery and I had gotten to First Beach that night. I was hesitant but she had encouraged me to go for it. That night I had considered going all the way with Avery at the beach. I hadn't realized that she'd remembered.

I nodded and wrapped my arms around myself. "Right."

"I remember you blaming yourself that the night, when we came down to the beach to meet the police. We were both hysterical, But I didn't think that all this time you really still thought that Nix. You know you didn't do anything wrong." Josie said.

"It wasn't your fault that it happened. Avery thought he was a really good swimmer, I'm sure he went willingly or even tried to show off - it was the tide. You can't blame yourself, it was an accident," Uncle Sam said, coming over to hug me too, pulling me away from my mother. I was shocked at how calm he remained.

I ended up sobbing into his chest as he stroked my hair. "He jumped because of ME, I'm sorry," I cried. "I'm s-sorry, I don't deserve to live."

"Shhh, don't say that, it really wasn't your fault. None of us blame you for his carelessness Phoenix, you need to stop blaming yourself. You should be here with us, this is where you belong."

"If it helps though, we forgive you okay? It's alright, everybody makes mistakes, but you didn't kill him, the jump into the water did." It was Aunt Emily standing behind me.

I didn't know how to feel. The knot in my stomach slackened as she said those words, but my brain fought against it, telling me that I had done a bad thing. I wanted to stop thinking like this, but I had been doing it for so long that it was hard. And yet what Avery's parents said mattered. I could almost easily believe them.

I felt a tightening sensation in my chest and instantly knew that meant that Jace was nearby. Everyone's heads turned and mine obediently followed. Jace was walking up the yard to the steps at the bottom of the deck. By the time he reached the top Uncle Sam had released me and all the females were smiling at him. Momma hugged him and smiled hopefully at me.

"Let's go inside and get back to work," she said, ushering Aunt Emily and Josie back into the house.

"Everything okay out there?" Uncle Sam asked in his old alpha tone and Jace quickly nodded. "Alright, but don't stay too long."

"I won't," Jace readily answered, then turned his worried gray eyes to me.

I suddenly felt shy and could feel the heat rushing to my face and armpits. All he wore was a pair of shorts. He had smudges of dirt here and there and grass in his hair. His muscles literally rippled as he raised his arms then dropped them, unsure if he could hug me.

"Are you okay?" he asked awkwardly, taking a step closer. I was making him nervous, he probably expected me to freak out and chase him off. All he wanted was to be there for me, I could feel his genuine concern and it overwhelmed me.

Suddenly I wanted nothing more than to be in his arms. I needed his warmth, his comfort – just like I had sought it out that night on the couch. It was the closest thing to Avery, the way being with him soothed me. I shrugged and then just fell into him, wrapping my arms around his waist. Jace stood straight and still like a statue before his arms folded around me, encasing me in his wolf heat. His skin was blazing from the shift and as the heat flowed through me I felt safe…I felt like everything was for the moment, going to be okay. He gently rocked me from side to side and I felt my eyes droop.

"I can't stay too long because I'm on patrol. But I just couldn't ignore the horrible pain in my gut. What happened? Why were you so upset?" his voice was so deep it rumbled into my ear like thunder.

I looked up at his face, surprised by the extra tone of tenderness that was still in his speech. Jace's huge palm came up to rest on my cheek as he gazed into my eyes. Our faces had never been so close before…

"I just got inside my head too much…" I muttered, taking a step back and out of his arms. Jace winced as we parted.

"About…Avery?" He choked, still not comfortable with saying his name.

I nodded, but I didn't want to tell him what had just happened. It felt too private.

"Sammy said they're having a memorial. I was thinking I could come if you don't mind?"

I was surprised that he'd want to go. A part of me had figured that maybe he was jealous of my feelings for Avery and wouldn't want to be there, but now that he asked, it seemed okay. I simply nodded as my response.

"Okay, well, try not to be sad anymore okay? It'll get easier, just try."

"I will…" I murmured. There was that word again, "try." It was such a demanding word.

Jace lightly fingered a strand of my hair, an intense looking appearing in his eyes as he looked at me. He missed me, I knew it in my bones. My breath caught as he shifted closer then placed his warm lips on my forehead for a kiss. Tingles ran over my skin and I felt my blush deepen as he turned around and jumped over the balcony, darting into the trees. I immediately felt his absence which prompted me to rub the spot where he'd touched me a moment earlier, disbelieving that his warmth could feel so good.

Fear started to build slowly in my chest, moving up my throat as if to choke me. I was scared to have these feelings for someone else other than Avery. I would try to let go, but I wasn't sure I could let go that much so soon.

JACE

It was tough feeling my imprint's pain for another man, but I knew I had to get used to it. I couldn't change how she felt about someone she had known her whole life. He was a part of her, and if I wanted to be with Phoenix I had to accept that. It fucking sucked, but it was reality.

At least she had let me comfort her. I still couldn't believe that she'd initiated a hug, that she had wanted – for a brief moment or two – me. Her scent made me feel instantly whole again, just drawing it in and letting it totally fill my senses. Not to mention the feel of her against my bare skin. My wolf had been so elated to hold our imprint, it had been hard to leave her and go back on patrol.

I had hope now that things could get better for us if she continued to see me as someone who just wanted to help her get through her grief.

Later that night Embry and I drove up to Port Angeles to grab some dinner. We were having a good meal - ribs, scalloped potatoes, green beans and beer. When I pulled out my fake ID he had just watched me with an arched eyebrow but said nothing. While we waited on dessert my phone rang and I sighed when I saw who it was. "It's Mom," I said.

"Answer it," Embry urged, his face suddenly void of emotion.

"Hi, Mom."

" _Hi Jace, I thought I told you to call me when you met your father, why am I now hearing from Enid that you spoke to him_?"

Here we go again. Her formal, impersonal tone sent me from zero to sixty in a flash.

"You know Mom, it amazes me how every time you call, you don't even think to ask your own son how he's doing."

" _Jace, don't smart-mouth me_."

"How am I smart-mouthing you? You're my mother and you don't even care to ask how I'm doing! Hasn't it even occurred to you that I might be sicker or better? Is it that hard to remember what I've been going through in the last year? Don't you even care?"

" _You were acting out because you didn't know Embry_."

"Oh, was that why I grew a foot taller and doubled my size? Was that why I got sick all the time?"

"Easy Jace," Embry warned from across the table.

" _Jace_ -"

"Oh let me guess, you're heading into a meeting and don't have time for this right?"

" _Yes I am._ "

"Right, well, to answer your question, I'm living at Embry's now. He's doing fine without you but he's pissed as hell that you didn't tell him he had a son. In fact, he's sitting right across the table from me, we're having dinner in Port Angeles. We're having a conversation about my future and he's actually interested in what I have to say. So if you'll excuse ME, I have to go."

I ended the call and threw my phone down on the table with a loud thud, causing the cutlery to jump and tinkle.

"Fuck," Embry said quietly.

"I need some air." I pushed off from the table and stormed outside, not caring who was looking at me. I couldn't sit there and let him scold me for being rude to my mother. There was only so much I could take. Maybe the reason why she was so cold and uncaring all the time was because I had never let her know how it made me feel. Being a wolf made my fuse shorter than it ever had been before and I just couldn't take one more insensitive conversation with that woman. I just couldn't.

"If you came out here to tell me off about how I spoke to her, don't even bother. You have no idea what it's like Embry, so don't try to guilt me into calling her to apologize." I had smelled him and heard his footsteps.

"I'm not going to do that, I just came to see if you're alright. I got the dessert to go. We can leave now."

"Great." I marched over to his Audi and slid in, yanking the seatbelt so hard that it almost snapped completely off. He threw me a look that said "Don't you dare wreck my car," and I mumbled an apology.

We drove back to La Push in silence. My entire evening had been ruined by my mother's call. I really didn't want to talk about it and I didn't care that I had let my anger get the best of me. I was part-wolf after all, what else was expected?

Talking wouldn't change anything. My mother had become a person Embry was certain never existed back when she lived in Washington. I resented her for letting that happen. I hated that I had to wonder what kind of person she would have been if she didn't let heartbreak ruin her. Although I knew it was his fault that she didn't understand what he was and why they couldn't be together, I still felt like she was to blame more than he was.

As soon as we pulled into the garage I went to my room, stripped off my clothes and climbed out the window. I ran to the trees and phased, giving into the anger that raged through me as I pounded the earth with my giant paws.


	19. Goodbye

No copyright infringement intended on Stephenie Meyer's work

Chapter 17 – Goodbye

JACE

Embry made it clear from the time I woke up that morning that I was going with him to Avery's memorial. "I know you don't know him but he was your cousin, my nephew, so it would be good for you to show your support to the family."

I informed him that Phoenix had already said I could come so I'd be there for her anyways. He seemed surprised and pleased. Honestly I didn't think I'd have a choice. Phoenix was my imprint and she was bound to be really upset…maybe she'd need me…maybe she'd allow me to be there for her like yesterday.

Today would be awkward, but this was a chance to put him behind her. She didn't need to forget him but she needed to just let herself be happy again. Maybe I needed to be there, so that my presence would reinforce that I was her future. I was still hoping for the best.

I thought it would be easier by now to deal with her grief pains whenever they'd hit me, but it wasn't. Every time was a fresh reminder of how much she loved this guy. I honestly was trying not to hold a grudge against him. But he'd been so lucky to have her love and that of his real father, his mother and siblings. He was lucky to know about the wolves and to grow up in his Quileute home. He'd been best friend and boyfriend to the most beautiful girl on the Rez. Even though she looked sad and ill Phoenix was still the most beautiful one. Paul and Corrie had given her the best of themselves, they'd created perfection.

We spent the day lounging around the house cooking and doing laundry. Embry had been a little distant since last night at the restaurant and with the memorial I could tell that he was just on edge so otherwise I gave him his space. I honestly wasn't in much better shape. Mom had pissed me off too. When four came it was time to get dressed as the memorial was to finish at sunset so that a dinner could start after. I pushed my anxious thoughts of Phoenix to the side so that I could fix my hair and get going. I was in a regular blue jeans and a white dress shirt that had the sleeves rolled up and the top buttons undone. A pair of Embry's leather sandals were on my feet since we'd be on sand.

Embry had the same idea but his shirt was short sleeved and his jeans a bit darker. Everyone had been asked to wear white today. We climbed in the Audi and headed to the beach. It took all us ten minutes to get there and park. It seemed like everyone else was there already.

"Are we late?" I whined. I didn't want to look reluctant to come.

"Nah, they're just always early," Embry rolled his eyes with a half-smile and led the way to the gathering.

It would soon be sunset, when we were supposed to release the lanterns. There were tons of them it seemed. They were neatly stacked in a pyramid on the sand.

"You know this is our first real pack gathering that you and I have been to." I smiled and nodded at him, it was true. "It feels kinda nice to have a son to bring along…"

"Yeah? It feels nice to be around my real father and his family."

 _"Our_ family."

We both were kinda cheesy and blushing now so we cleared our throats and put our identical game faces on as we reached the small crowd. A lot of kids from the high school were there too, I assumed his classmates. I couldn't see Phoenix anywhere – there were so many dark-headed people. Embry led us over to the adults where the pack and old pack were gathered with their kids. The vibe was sullen, as to be expected. Sam stood with Sammy, Lissa and Matthew; Paul with Tuari and Ruth; and Jared with the twins Ashton and Hunter. Quil was just there in the mix along with, Zack, Adrian, Jonathan and Brady.

As I greeted all the fathers and my pack brothers), Ruthie ran up to me and launched herself into my arms. I hugged her and returned the kiss she gave me on the cheek. Paul gave me a warning look which I ignored. He should know by now that I wouldn't just phase and hurt his daughter out of the blue, I wasn't upset.

"You okay?" She asked me, which I found weird.

"I'm good, why?"

She shrugged and smiled at me in her cute little girl way. "Cause Nix's been crying."

"Really?" But it wasn't exactly a question. Why was I not surprised? It must not have been hysterical, hence why I didn't feel it so strong. But now I could kind of sense that she wasn't doing so good. I longed for the day that I wouldn't be used to my imprint feeling like this. I really hoped it would be very soon.

"She's that way," she pointed and I could finally make out the women and daughters. I didn't even hesitate I just started walking, taking Ruth with me.

"Hey wait for me!" A little lispy voice called and Lissa came running over, almost tripping on her feet. She looked at me with a petulant little pout and raised her arms. I could hear the Dads chuckling amongst themselves and did the only thing expected of me, I bent over and picked her up too.

"Now I've got two lollipops, so sweet and fruity," I said with a grin and both girls giggled in the most adorable way. I really wanted a little sister but I knew both Mom and Brendon were done with that a long time ago. There was still Embry though, he needed to get off his ass and get a fucking wife and make more kids. He needed to move on.

We continued the short way over to the females of the pack and Ruth and Lissa abandoned me as soon as we got there. Emily, Claire, Amber, Kim and Corrie were busy setting out pastries and sandwiches on a table. Destiny, Phoenix and Josie were standing up talking to other guests. I could see the misery drawn on Phoenix's face. She was trying hard to get through this, to not appear as messed up as she really was inside.

"Hi," I said simply behind her, causing her to jump a little and turn towards me. She wasn't crying right now, but she seemed on the verge.

"Uh hey, Jace," she muttered, blushing immediately. I couldn't help but feel flattered. But then I saw that she was wearing an oversized top and knew it was _his._ She wore a huge white sweater and a long white skirt with gold gladiator sandals. One side of her hair was braided in cornrows while the other side flopped over her shoulder. She had these earrings on that looked like miniature dreamcatchers with little colored stones.

I swallowed thickly and cleared my throat, tearing my eyes away from my imprint, knowing that I was staring too much. "Hey Destiny, Josie," I gave a small wave and my cousin instantly leaned over to me for a hug.

"Hey Jace. This is Lou and Star from school, guys this is my cousin Jace," she gestured to the guy and girl standing there and I quickly introduced myself politely before focusing my full attention on Phoenix again, unable to stop gawking. She was just so beautiful and I wanted her to want me back so badly it hurt.

She shifted uncomfortably and like an idiot I said, "You okay?"

"Umm….yeah," she said uncertainly.

"As okay as you can be huh?" I offered a smile and was happy to receive a small one in return – even if it only lasted for literally one second before her sad frown replaced it.

"Yeah, I guess that's a better description."

We looked at each other nervously and then turned back to Josie and the others. Lou and Star were watching Nix and me suspiciously and her head dropped to the floor. She kinda drifted a few steps away from me then and it didn't take long for me to catch on…she didn't want her friends to know that there was already someone else who could replace Avery in her life.

It hurt but I pushed the feelings aside, asking myself what else I really expected to happen.

While the girls continued talking to their friends who came and went, I just stood there, being supportive in a quiet kind of way. Phoenix kept acting like I wasn't there while she listened to the others reminisce about Avery. She didn't say much unless asked a direct question and I wasn't sure if it was because I was there or because she didn't want to. I wished I could ask her something but it wouldn't help the situation.

Yeah I felt weird but after a little while I just let myself absorb the conversations. I was getting to know a little about them and about _him,_ that way. I was also getting to know the girls, they seemed to have been pretty adventurous. I couldn't imagine Phoenix being so wild and carefree. She sounded even more amazing when she was happy.

I hoped that one day I'd get to see that side of her too.

Benjamin appeared in the crowd and made his way over to us, scowling when he saw me standing there. We made little effort to greet each other and I had to think about a million things in my head to distract me from watching him comfort my imprint. He was all over her, and she allowed it.

I wanted to punch him until he blacked out. Before I did something stupid I walked away. I found a spot on the other side of the small crowd so that I wouldn't have to see or hear them, I couldn't take it anymore. I took deep breaths and said the alphabet backwards and all types of shit, just to stay human.

Emily and Sam called everyone to attention and launched into a very heartfelt speech about their son. People were sniffling all around and wiping their eyes. I found my way to Embry and just stood with him to show my support.

"You good?" he asked. I shrugged, not feeling to tell him that I wanted to rip someone's head off and kick it around like a soccer ball.

"You?" I knew this was his nephew's memorial, it couldn't have been easy seeing his brother so sad.

"I'm okay man."

Sammy and Josie also gave a few words in memoriam of their brother and then came Phoenix. I could feel her nerves as she stepped forward and looked at everyone around them. She spoke about all the things she missed and loved about him, and how much she hoped that he was happy wherever he was now.

I felt a lump in my throat and tried swallowing it down. The same thoughts rotated in my head: Would I ever be good enough a replacement for _him?_ Would I ever be good enough for her? I was competing with and losing to a dead guy. My heart felt heavy in my chest as my own sadness mingled with hers. This was harder than I thought it would be.

I was relieved when it came time for the lanterns to be lit and sent off into the sky. The girls distributed them, and Embry and I took one to share. Sam said a prayer after which everyone lit their candle. The lanterns were on the sand and as the warm air filled them from the candles, one by one they started to lift. It was pretty amazing, watching them rise. The crowd was filled with soft "ooh's and aah's." I bent over to help Lissa and Ruthie with theirs and they both latched on to me as we watched them rise to the sky together. It was amazing. And it was perfect that the wind had held up long enough to let them take flight or the entire memorial would have been ruined.

Amber and Josie were both huddled in their wolves' arms, just like all the mothers and the old pack, and Claire and Quil. I was the only one not holding mine and I felt empty. Phoenix was standing alone, tears freely covering her face as she watched the lanterns rising higher and higher in the twilight sky. I wondered if she could still tell which one was hers. I wondered what she was wishing for as she watched them float away from us.

"Why don't you go over to her?" Embry whispered and I gave him a skeptical look. She'd been ignoring me since before the speeches started, I was not the person she wanted.

But still I went. I stood behind her, so close that I could inhale her vanilla-lavender fragrance and smell her salty tears. I felt her body stiffen as she realized how close I was, and she wrapped her arms tighter around her body.

"You okay?" I whispered.

She turned and looked at me, not even bothering to wipe away her tears. My heart broke as I watched the despair cover her naturally exotic beauty. "I'm fine."

It wasn't much of an answer, but the tone of it told me what I needed to know. She didn't want me to talk to her so I stepped back, laboring under the sharp pain that ripped through my body.

Rejection. Why wasn't I used to it by now?

I stumbled back over to Embry and stared straight ahead at nothing, unable to process what had just happened. I felt weaker somehow.

"Sorry," he mumbled next to me but I didn't acknowledge it - just like I avoided the sympathetic glances of Tuari and Sammy. Everyone had seen it. She could let fucking Benjamin comfort her but not me. I wasn't good enough.

Aunt Emily and Uncle Sam thanked everyone for coming once the majority of the lanterns had become little orange dots in the sky; and most people disbursed. Some kids went further down the beach and started their own bonfires, playing music and eating pizzas. The pack had its own food ready to serve and once the bonfire got going at our spot we were all invited to eat. I sat with Embry, Quil and Claire, keeping my head down and my thoughts to myself. I didn't think that I could stick around much longer after dinner. This was killing me.

Phoenix was killing me. All I wanted her to do was let me help but she wanted nothing to do with me at all.

I hated feeling like this, like nothing, unwanted. It was this same feeling that had made me phase in the first place. My body started to tremble and I found myself unable to eat another bite. I needed to go for a run. I excused myself from the table and told my father that I'd see him later. He nor Quil asked any questions but I knew that they understood.

I couldn't face anyone even though I knew it was bad manners. I quickly strode up the beach to the parking lot, trying to get away before my wolf broke free from prison. I'd cross the road and enter the trees further down the street so as not to raise suspicion, given that the beach was so crowded tonight.

"Jace!"

My body froze as her scent followed and filled the air around me. I turned and was surprised to see Phoenix running after me. What could she possibly want? I waited for her to get closer and tried to relax my body, but I couldn't. I needed to release the wolf. There were still people in the parking lot and I was seriously getting nervous about my ability to stay in human control.

"Jace, where are you going?" she asked breathlessly as she got close up.

"For a run," I answered, and rather coldly.

"Oh," she looked down at the gravel and sighed. "I just wanted to tell you…thanks for coming today."

"You're welcome, although it was obvious that you didn't need me."

She seemed stricken as I voiced the truth and her eyebrows scrunched together. "What does that mean?" she asked.

"It means that I know my place now, and you don't have to worry about me trying to replace Avery or _Benjamin._ I wouldn't _dare_ dream of doing the impossible." I knew I sounded harsh and rude, but my wolf was jealous and I couldn't stop myself from lashing out because of our pain. I needed her to understand that I was in pain too, that I mattered because I was her wolf, not Benjamin, not Avery.

"You have no idea how this feels, you have no idea what this does to me, and I get it, I understand that you're grieving, but _I'm_ alive, and I'm _yours._ The least you could do is _pretend_ to acknowledge the fact that I'm trying to be there for you instead of acting like I don't exist all the time, Phoenix! I'm not going anywhere until you tell me to go, so just let me know what the fuck to do!"

I guess it was a whole week's worth of pent-up anger that was springing to the surface now. She'd never called me since I came to her house that day. She probably didn't even want to see me yesterday when I showed up at the Uley's – that hug had been a fluke.

All I felt when it came to my imprint was rejection. From the night I imprinted on her to this very moment.

Her face crumpled and tears pooled in her two-toned eyes, but it did nothing to curb my temper. "I'm sorry Jace," she whimpered, wrapping her arms that were covered in _his_ sweater, tighter around herself.

Why did she always do that around me, why? Because I repulsed her? Because I scared her? Why did she shut me out when I was the only one who could comfort her? Wasn't it obvious at the Uley residence yesterday? Hadn't I made her feel good when I was there to check on her?

I should never have allowed myself to hope after she actually spoke to me yesterday - it wasn't as if she'd actually shared anything about what made her so upset anyways! It was stupid. I was stupid. This girl didn't give a fuck about me and my stupid wolf just wouldn't get a clue.

I regarded her with scorn and sarcastically replied, "NO Phoenix, don't be. _I'm_ sorry, I know you don't want me, I just have to learn to deal with it better."

That seemed to make her even more upset – but pissed off – and she cocked her hip to a side and jerked her neck around. "I wish things could be different too you know? I wish that this wasn't hurting you Jace. I'm not so _heartless_ that I enjoy knowing that I hurt you every single day, knowing that me loving someone else makes you feel sad! I don't enjoy wishing you were him. I didn't ask for any of this to happen to _me!_ So I think it's pretty obvious what you need to do then, isn't it?!"

I stepped backwards, vibrating a little as my wolf continued to claw at my insides. Honestly, I wanted to cry. I could feel the burn rising in my throat as a sob threatened to burst out. She wished I was _him?_

"But what about yesterday?" I asked, pathetically, pleadingly, disbelievingly. The one thing I had making me feel secure, I had totally misunderstood.

"I was upset, it meant nothing more than that."

The air left my lungs in a giant whoosh as I shook my head in denial.

 _Nothing more?_

How many times would she basically say that she didn't want me before I really believed it? Before I finally gave up hope?

Yes, it was pretty obvious what I needed to do, I needed to leave her alone, for real this time.

I needed to leave. She was officially giving me the fucking boot.

I cleared my throat and shared with Phoenix one final thought before I had to run. "All I asked was for you to try. If you have any REAL remorse, any sympathy for me, you'd at least _try_ to let me in."

"Well I can't Jace! I just CAN'T so stop waiting for it to happen! Stop trying to be there and just LEAVE ME ALONE!"

I felt like my spirit was shattered. I asked for it too.

I didn't wait for her to say anything else as I turned to escape this tornado of emotions I'd plunged myself into head-first. I barely made it to the first set of trees before my favorite jeans were shredded to rags around me as my wolf broke free and howled into the twilight. I'd probably revealed the pack secret too. There were certainly enough people around listening to our argument.

I had imprinted on Phoenix Lahote… but she wasn't mine.


	20. Survivor's Remorse

**To Erikaaah and Guest - thank you for your reviews! Means a lot that you take the time to drop me some feedback. GUEST - you are so right on so many levels, but I can't spoil the future chapters for you, good thinking! But please bear with me, this chapter and the next will see Phoenix fall to her lowest point of annoying selfishness, but I promise she will wake up and get a clue after that and she will think about others more. All part of the character evolution :). And I have actually enjoyed writing this fic more than the first I love Jace very much LOL. I wrote the epilogue last night and got a little weepy hahaha. But thanks so much. I am finishing a short Blackwater (Leah and Jacob) fic which is not in first person, I enjoy writing in third as well. I am hoping you all will like that one too.**

No copyright infringement intended on Stephenie Meyer's characters.

 **WARNING: This chapter contains a suicidal theme.**

Chapter 18 – Survivor's Remorse

PHOENIX

I stood there watching as Jace ran across the road and phased into his brown and black wolf. I was well aware of people around us, and I could only hope that none of them had just seen him do that – or heard what we just said.

What _I'd_ just said. I hid my face with my hands, trying to catch my breath. I couldn't believe what I had just done. Jace didn't deserve that, there was no excuse for my brutal honesty.

"What the hell is _wrong_ with you?"

The acerbic tone made me wince as my best friend snapped at my back. I turned to see Josie standing a little ways off, at the edge of the carpark. She and Tuari were both staring at me and I knew that they'd probably heard everything.

"What?" I asked, my own attitude showing. I really wasn't in the mood for her ranting right now.

"Why do you treat him like that? He's only trying to be your friend! He was trying to give you a shoulder to cry on, you could have let him!"

Try try try! I was tired of hearing about trying!

"ARRGGHHH! Just mind your own damn business Josie!" I grumbled.

"Hey!" Tuari whined. "Why are you acting like this?"

I stomped over to them and glared at my brother, contempt raging inside of me. "I'm tired of people telling me to _'try'_ and ' _get on with it_!' This is MY life and I'll do that when I FEEL like it! Cause that's the only control I have and I deserve to have control over ONE thing! I'm tired of being FORCED into things I don't want - I didn't want Avery to die, I didn't want Jace to imprint on me and I certainly don't want Ben to be in love with me! Everything has been forced on me, so just let me deal with it on my own!"

"What? Benji's in love with you?" Tuari asked, his face disgusted.

Josie snorted and shook her head at me. "He obviously knows no better! Since you started dating my brother you changed Phoenix, you stopped caring about everyone except him!" I gasped and got ready to object when she held her manicured hand up to my face. "Don't even TRY to deny it! You treat everyone as an after –thought, it's only about YOUR feelings."

"That's not true," I retorted.

"Oh it's not? I bet you didn't even remember that it's MY birthday too did you? All everyone can think about is my brother. For the rest of my life I have to spend my birthday thinking about the fact that he died on this very day, a day that was supposed to be ours. I can never share that with him again. Do you even care about how I feel?"

I felt horrible as the realization hit me. I had totally forgotten my best friend's birthday.

"Don't worry, I didn't expect you to remember Nix. But I warn you, Avery's gone and we're all you got left. You've got no one else to love you, Jace is it! So just keep pushing him away and us away if you really want to be alone and unloved for the rest of your pathetic life."

I stumbled backwards while Tuari scolded her for being too harsh on me. But even in his eyes I could see my brother's agreement. But I couldn't shrink back from her words. They were the truth but my feelings mattered too. I was doing the best I could, I needed time and no one had the right to force me to get over something I couldn't yet. It had only just been a year. It wasn't that I didn't care about anyone else, I just couldn't stop blaming myself over Avery's death and I couldn't stop missing him. But who was Josephine Uley to get in my face about Jace anyway?

"I don't need a lecture from you of all people Josie Uley! You're a hypocrite! Just because you and Tuari are happy now doesn't mean you get to tell me how to act. You pushed him away for a hell of a lot longer than I have been avoiding Jace!"

" _That's why I know better_! I'm trying to help you not make the same mistakes!" Josie screamed then growled in frustration, pushing my brother off as he tried to hold her. "This is pointless! You're still going to end up right in Jace's arms! He is the ONLY one who can really help you heal and you need to stop being so blind. He cared about you before he imprinted - and he needs you too you know? You say you're not selfish but you have no clue that Jace is going through a hard time, he's got his own shit to deal with! So just stop fighting it because Avery's NEVER COMING BACK!" she screamed the last part so hard that it left Josie breathless.

She stood straight, frozen, with wide brown eyes panting for air. I could tell that her words hurt her as much as they hurt me. I was already crying again and trying to hold myself together. It was cold now. Cold and dark.

"He's never coming back, he's just _gone!"_ she whimpered softly again but to herself; then I saw my best friend crumble. Luckily my brother was there to catch her as she fell into a sobbing mess.

I wanted to go to Josie and comfort her, but I knew she didn't want or need me. Tuari pulled her into his chest and gently kissed her hair over and over again, whispering words that were sure to remind her of all that she still had even though her twin brother was gone. I could only imagine how _her_ emptiness felt. I hated myself for ignoring how much pain she was in too.

I watched them hold one another and wished that I could be comforted too, I wanted to feel reassured and strong enough to start over like Josie did.

But what she was asking me to do seemed impossible.

I wasn't her.

XXXXXXXX

We had gotten back from the beach hours ago but I couldn't sleep. I couldn't stop thinking about what Josie had said. One thing in particular…

He's Never Coming Back.

Avery would have been eighteen years old. We had planned to have a huge bonfire party on the beach, inviting all our friends from La Push and Forks.

I could only imagine how Uncle Sam and Aunt Emily were feeling right now. I'd bet that they hated the fact that I would turn eighteen and their son wouldn't. I bet they now agreed that it was unfair that I had lived after being the one to suggest we go to the beach that night.

I had treated Jace like garbage, I had put Avery's life in danger. I was hurting Josie and my family.

I was a horrible person and I didn't deserve happiness, no matter what they thought. I destroyed people's lives, Jace was so much safer away from me.

As the endless waves of grief and guilt washed over me I looked around my room at all of the pictures of us. From babies to teenagers there wasn't a photo without smiles on our faces. Well except for the one when Avery had shoved cake into my face for my thirteenth birthday.

I missed Avery so much, I just didn't know how to contain the pain, or how to make it go away completely. But I didn't want it to at the same time. This was punishment, a survivor's remorse. I deserved to feel this way because he could no longer feel anything, he was gone.

It wasn't right. It just wasn't.

I'd give anything to see those brown eyes again, to see his twisted smile, the small chip on his bottom tooth that he got from falling flat on his face when we were eleven. We'd just gotten off a rollercoaster ride and he was dizzy. Before I could even grab him he had fallen. But instead of crying he laughed his head off, even as the blood poured all over his shirt. Aunt Emily had been horrified but Avery had insisted on going for more rides.

I didn't want to remember any of our fun times. I wished I could forget. I wished I could shake the fetters off of my heart. It hurt too much to bear this all on my own even though I knew it was my cross to bear. This was my punishment. Jace was better off without me, Josie just couldn't see that. She had let Tuari put her back together it seemed, in a way that she could move on. But I was still very much broken and I wouldn't expect Jace to solve that. No one could, or should for that matter.

I huddled on my bed, the lamp cast a dismal glow on everything.

Suddenly my room became too small. I felt as if all the air had been sucked out. Avery's smiling face was everywhere and I just couldn't stand to see it anymore. I couldn't stand the constant reminder of what I had lost, what I had done to him and everyone else.

I hated myself, all I did was leave a trail of destruction. I hated the person I'd become, Josie was right. With those thoughts overpowering my brain something in me snapped and I found myself frantically ripping our pictures down and letting them fall to the carpet and bed like dried autumn leaves. That's what they were now, dead like him and I needed to stop pretending as if having his pictures plastered all over my room actually made me feel like he was still alive.

I had been so delusional.

I didn't stop tearing them down until I came to the very last photo I'd pinned up, taken a few weeks before he died. Avery's arm was around me and his nose shyly nuzzled my neck. My mouth was wide open as I'd protested when Josie started to click away with her camera. On the back of it said: " _Cause we're in this forever._ " He'd given this to me that same night of our date…

It was the turning point for us, that day in the picture…when we'd finally admitted to each other that our feelings had changed. We had fallen in love.

A bunch of us had gone to the beach, it was the perfect sunny day. This guy Brandon, Avery's friend, had his father's boat and we were out on First Beach just bobbing on the water. This other guy Marco was hitting on me all day and then Avery just snapped and ran him off much to my surprise.

After he'd calmed his temper down he'd looked at me right in the eyes, stealing my breath away. He wasn't a wolf yet but he had started changing – his body had grown muscular and he'd shot up to six foot three. His temper was short but never with me. " _No one gets to look at my girl that way_ ," he'd said. I remembered feeling warm and flustered, I was so sure at that moment that he'd imprint on me and I'd have exactly what our parents shared. Avery leaned over and placed a soft kiss against my lips and that was when I knew that we were meant to be together forever. He was the only one for me.

But we weren't, were we? We weren't meant for anything.

He was gone and I was here, alone and lost.

I needed Avery to come back to me…but he couldn't so what else was there to do?

I believed in the after-life, I believed that he was among our ancestral spirits, watching over me, waiting for me…

I don't remember anything between that moment when I realized what I had to do to make things right, and that moment when I reached the cliffs.

It was extremely dark and cold out. My cardigan was doing nothing for me against the gale force winds that blew from the ocean. Bad weather was obviously coming. What a way to tie up Avery's memorial and birthday, what a way to commemorate the day of his death. Our date had been for his birthday, a second celebration with just us. He'd ended up living exactly seventeen years.

I stepped up to the edge, looking down at the hard, choppy ocean. It looked extremely cold and hungry, as if it was waiting for me. The waves and current were sure to swallow me up as soon as I landed into their waiting bosom.

Good, I wanted this to be quick. I wanted it all to end as fast as possible.

I knew that he would be waiting there for me on the other side. He'd said that he would have waited a whole lifetime for me to love him.

I just wanted him back, and this was the only way. I couldn't let Jace try to fix things, change things…I didn't deserve to be happy after what I'd done to my best friend. With my stupid game I had taken away Josie's twin, the only boy I'd ever loved. I didn't want to hurt Jace, but the imprint was wrong, I had already found my soulmate and lost him too. I had to find him again.

The wind whipped around me so fiercely that it almost threw me over before I could make the final step myself.

"Phoenix! Get away from there!"

I jumped slightly as I heard Jace calling, crying out, to me.

NO! I didn't want him to find me! I had wasted too much time! I should have just jumped as soon as I got here.

I turned to watch him speeding pell-mell towards me, his face filled with fear and disbelief. Did he really think I wouldn't…couldn't do this?

I could.

What I couldn't do was live another day knowing that Avery was gone because of me and my ideas of stupid romance. I had hurt too many people to live with myself any longer.

"No! I'm sorry, I can't!" I tried to say, but it only came out as a choking sob.

"Nix don't! PLEASE!" his voice was heart-breaking, proving my point more, that I was hurting him. I knew that I had been from the time we met but I just couldn't stop the hurting.

I felt a strong tugging in my chest, my body was telling me to go to Jace, to let him save me, but I couldn't. It was not what I wanted, it was what the imprint wanted.

 _He_ was not what I wanted.

The person I wanted was gone and I wanted to be gone too.

It would be best.

 _I'm sorry_ , I told him silently…

…And then I jumped just before he could pull me to safety…before he could change my mind.


	21. In Too Deep

**Here's what happened from Jace's point of view, couldn't leave you hanging til tomorrow :)**

No copyright intended on Stephenie Meyer's work.

Chapter 19 – In Too Deep

JACE

I could feel it in my bones, something was seriously wrong with Phoenix. The intensity of her sadness was being dwarfed by a greater emotion, one of defeat. What was she doing, where was she?

I was still really upset with her about last night, or earlier tonight since it was the wee hours of the morning, but the pit of my stomach churned with dis-ease and I was worried. I knew that she didn't want me around, it was all I could think about – her rejection of the imprint. But I couldn't just lay there in my bed and do nothing. She needed me whether or not she agreed with that statement.

She needed me to save her from herself.

I got out of bed and tied a pair of pants to my calf then slid through my bedroom window and took off running, morphing into my wolf before I even hit the trees. The imprint told me to head for the cliffs and I pushed my wolf harder than I ever had to before. The pain and sadness grew worse the closer I got. The wind rolling off of the rough sea was strong and extra salty, but I caught her scent – vanilla and lavender.

She was there at the cliff's edge.

I skidded to a halt just before the trees ended and changed back then pulled on my pants before charging across the gravel.

"Phoenix! Get away from there!" She was dangerously close to the edge.

I startled her and she jumped back and turned to me, her face splotchy and filled with fear and pain.

"No! I'm sorry, I can't!" She whispered through quiet sobs. If it wasn't for my wolf ears I wouldn't have heard her.

"Nix don't! PLEASE!" I screamed, my heart literally breaking with fear.

But as soon as I was about to grab her and pull my imprint to safety…She jumped.

I didn't even think twice, throwing my body over the edge to catch her. She'd never survive these thunderous, angry waves. There was a storm coming and she had chosen now to end her life because she was sure that her body wouldn't be found or maybe totally destroyed or something…just like Avery.

She wanted to disappear just like him.

I braced myself for the impact, crashing into the midnight waters not far from where she'd landed. I was a good swimmer and also capable of holding my breath for long periods of time, I had wolf vision and hearing - she'd have to try a _whole lot_ harder to escape me.

The water was cool even to my wolf skin, so I knew it had to be beyond freezing. I dove as deep as I could, heading in the direction I knew she'd landed. It didn't take long for me to find her. Her black cardigan was ballooning around her and she was sinking, lifeless. She wasn't even trying to make it back to the surface, her mind was made up.

She wanted the pain to end.

Did she not understand that when her pain ended mine would begin, and that it would never stop?

I grabbed her arm and tugged and Phoenix had the nerve to try to pull away. She was still conscious at least and I felt a moment of relief. I pulled again, only this time much firmer and kicked my feet as hard as I could to propel us to the surface.

We broke through and I gasped, pulling her back to my chest. The waves were pushing and pulling our bodies and I slammed into a rock. Luckily it was _my_ back and she remained relatively safe. I'd have a nasty bruise though.

We couldn't stay there, I needed to get her to the sand as soon as possible. The rain would soon be upon us, I could hear it in the distance, travelling over the water. It would only make this seemingly impossible feat, more impossible.

"L-Let m-me g-go!" She screamed, trying to wriggle away from me.

I ignored her, saving my strength to get us to shore. I held her around her chest, under her armpits and started to swim, all along praying to our ancestors whoever or wherever they were, to help me get this bat-shit, fucking crazy girl out of danger.

A huge wave came and crashed against us, sending us both underwater, but I refused to let her go. She was still my heart and I was determined never to let her push me away again. We both coughed up the salty water as I pulled us to the surface a second time.

She stopped fighting then, and I felt her hold on to me instead. Good, at least now she understood just how close we both were to being swallowed by the sea. Maybe her conscience had finally kicked in. I felt her start to kick her legs, helping me get us there faster. After what felt like forever my feet touched the sand and I immediately stood and pulled her up into my arms before forcing my wobbling legs to carry us all the way out.

When I was sure we were far enough I stopped and dropped her legs so that she could stand. I needed to catch my breath too. But to my surprise Phoenix didn't let me go. Her arms were locked in a vice grip around my neck and she was shivering so hard that her teeth were chattering loudly – at this rate she'd bite her tongue off. I wrapped her in my arms and held her close, hoping that my wolf heat would do something for her. I tried to take a series of deep breaths over her head to steady my racing heart. I too was trembling slightly after battling those waves. That water was stronger than a thousand men.

What it would have done to her beautiful body…I couldn't think about it.

After five minutes I could tell that she wasn't any better. I started to worry. She could get really ill from trying to drown herself. The shock, the cold, the fight to get back to shore…I was barely standing, so I could imagine how her weaker body felt.

"Come on, let me take you home, you need to get warm or you'll get really sick and die – and then what would I have risked my life for?" I said, trying to scold her and joke at the same time. Cause if I didn't say _something_ I might have snapped completely and said something really harsh like, "What the FUCK! Are you _stupid_ or just _plain_ crazy, girl?!"

I dipped low and swung her up into my arms and started running to the forest, not waiting for her to protest as I expected her to.

"No-no, I d-don't want t-to g-go h-home."

I looked down at her face and met her brown and green eyes which looked up at me, pleadingly. Her lips were blue-ish which made me go a little faster. I grunted and changed course. We'd go to Embry's then, it was closer and either way I needed her dry, warm and safe. The wolf demanded that I take care of our imprint properly.

It took us a little while to get there since I couldn't run as a wolf. I was so relieved to reach my opened window I almost dropped and kissed the ground. I pushed her up and supported her as she clumsily crawled inside then quickly followed. We were both even more soaked from the rain that had started while I ran, and were dripping buckets of it everywhere.

"Uh, stay here," I said. I dashed into the hallway linen closet and grabbed about six towels. I dropped two on the floor and made her stand on it while I did the same. Then I stripped her of her cardigan, shoes and jeans and wrapped her in two towels before taking a third and toweling her dripping hair. I wondered if she even realized that I'd seen her in her tiny boy shorts. What did it matter though? I didn't stare, this was hardly the time for that.

"You need a warm bath and dry clothes," I stated the obvious.

She just stood there shivering, saying nothing, her eyes wide and just void of emotion. Her lips were still off-colour.

Fuck, she couldn't be going into shock now could she?

"Come on Nix, _please,_ you need a hot shower."

She seemed to snap out of it and simply nodded, her wet hair falling around her, stringy and dark.

I pulled out a t-shirt, a pair of boxers and some sweats that I knew would be way too big for her, but none the less they would be dry. I took her by the hand and pulled her to the bathroom then shoved her inside. I turned on the shower, making sure it was hot then faced her, grasping her shoulders.

"I'm going to make you some hot cocoa to drink when you get out. Don't take long, if you try any shit again I'll know, just remember that."

Obviously she'd forgotten that she'd never be alone again. I was here, and I could feel her every emotion and need in my own body. We were bonded for life, and she'd tried to kill us both.

Her wide eyes pooled with tears and she nodded again before dropping her gaze to the floor. I slipped out then and ran back to my room, quickly drying myself and changing into a pair of pajama bottoms and a t-shirt as well. I was proud of myself for being firm with her, but also extremely relieved that she wasn't fighting me.

In the kitchen I heated up the milk and chunks of chocolate and added sugar, marshmellows and cinnamon. One ear was trained on the shower where I could hear her quiet sobs as she washed.

"What's going on?" Embry came out, his face wrinkled with sleep lines. He scrubbed his overnight stubble and watched me with a confused expression.

"Honestly, you don't wanna know."

"Who's in the shower?"

"Phoenix."

He raised one eyebrow and grunted.

"It's not what you think. She needed to get dry and didn't want to go home so I brought her here."

"What were you two doing out in the middle of the night though? Does Paul know she's here?"

I shook my head. "I don't think they know she left the house."

"Fuck Jace! Do you really want that man banging down my door at three in the morning? I'm not up for his shit!"

"Then don't tell him. I'll take her home really early." There was a lot her father didn't need to know tonight, neither did mine.

"Pssh! Yeah right! This is just great!" he muttered. "As if Lahote wants to hear that his daughter spent the night with _my_ son! You imprinted wolves never cease to amaze me with your stupidity! I feel like I'm sixteen all over again!"

I didn't like his tone of voice with me at all – the wolf didn't either – but I tried not to over-react as my body started to tremble. I had almost lost her, neither he nor Paul really had a say in this. Phoenix was MINE to take care of.

With a heavy sigh I turned off the burner and poured the beverage into the mug. The shower was off now and I could hear Phoenix moving around, getting dressed. I breathed a sigh of relief that she hadn't dried to drown herself again.

"I never wanted this to happen either. She was in trouble and she needed me. I'll take her home when she's warm and calm," I managed to say without being too rude.

"What happened?" There was genuine concern on my father's face now and for a second I almost broke down from having to explain that my imprint had just tried to kill herself.

"The sea happened."

"What the fuck does _that_ mean?"

I sighed and rubbed my face before I grabbed her hot chocolate to take to my room. "I'll tell you tomorrow okay? Right now I just need to take care of her."

I walked away then, leaving Embry muttering to himself. I knocked on the bathroom door and told Phoenix that it was time to drink her cocoa. She needed to get something hot in her system. I could feel her nerves as she opened the bathroom door and shyly stepped out, being certain to avoid my face as she crept into my bedroom. I gestured for her to sit on the bed and handed over the mug, making sure she had a firm grip before I let it go. I sat in the chair by the desk as she leaned against my wall, her legs crossed. The clothes were definitely too baggy, but still she was beautiful to me. Even after all she did to herself, to me, to us, she could still steal my breath away.

I said nothing as she drank slowly. I wanted to curse her out, hold her close…I wanted to whip her butt and kiss her. So many emotions were going through me at the same time. I was angry, relieved, sad and infatuated. Imprinting really made it hard for a guy like me to keep his head on straight.

Still, what was the right response to this situation? What did I need to do right now, what did she need to hear?

I watched as Phoenix leaned over and gently placed the empty mug on the bedside table. She risked looking at me then, before dropping her gaze to fiddle with her fingers.

"How you feeling?" I asked quietly.

"Umm, better, warm…Thank you Jace." Her voice quivered on those last words letting me know how hard it was for her say them.

I simply nodded. "Well, are you sure you don't want to go home? I don't think your father will be too happy about this." I waved my hand around.

She thought for a moment before nodding. "I'm sure…I can't go back there tonight…not now…"

"Oh…" but I couldn't help but wonder why.

"Too many memories…I just needed to escape for a little while."

I was shocked that she actually volunteered the answer. But then I bitterly registered what she'd said…she wanted to escape the memories…memories in her room, in her house with a dead guy she loved instead of me, her soulmate. She didn't want to escape for a little while! She wanted to be gone forever.

 _"Only_ a little while?" I asked quietly, but I wished I hadn't. I didn't want to argue with her now, she was too beaten and fragile. I rose to my feet quickly then, biting back the urge to say more on that subject. I just couldn't talk to her right now. The reality of our situation was burning me from the inside out.

"Well I'll be on the couch. Good night Nix, if you need anything just call me...I hope you feel better." I mumbled the last part and grabbed the door to close behind me. As the lock clicked in place I heard her whisper that she was sorry.

But I didn't believe her.


	22. Biggest Mistake

No copyright infringement intended on Stephenie Meyer's characters.

Chapter 20 – Biggest Mistake

PHOENIX

I woke up to the smell of bacon frying. It took me a minute to remember where I was. I looked around the room and saw clothes everywhere. His scent was on the pillow where my head now lay and I couldn't help but take a deep breath, drawing it into my body. It was forest and ocean…and sun.

I sighed, not wanting to admit that I loved Jace's scent. It wasn't like Avery's, which I could scarcely remember now. That thought sent a sharp pain through my body but I pushed it away. I didn't want to cry now.

My throat was sore and scratchy from the salt water I'd ingested last night when I tried to drown _myself…Hell,_ had I really done that? The aches all over my body told me that I had. I felt as if I'd been run over by a team of wild horses.

A cold feeling crawled over me as I recalled what had happened. I knew that Jace was upset…the look of betrayal he gave me last night before he left the room told me I'd gotten off easy. He had a lot of self-control if he could remain so calm and helpful after pulling me from the water. I didn't deserve his devotion to me. I was a lost cause, I didn't want to hurt him.

I guess it was a little too late for that now…I knew I had REALLY hurt him by jumping off the cliff.

Although the pain was unbearable I felt stupid now…I felt SO STUPID. I would have wrecked my entire family all because I couldn't let Avery rest in peace. I felt so horrible about hurting everyone since he died but if Jace hadn't saved me I would have done the worst thing possible. How could I be SO _selfish?_ Did I have some kind of psychotic break or something? The thought chilled my bones, the sinking feeling that I had was spot on. I should have listened to Aunt Kim. I should have let her counsel me. I had been making a series of bad decisions and I couldn't stop myself. It all started with the night Avery died and I had just been to blind to see what others clearly saw.

I covered my face with my hands, unable to stop the fresh tears that now moistened my dry and probably red eyes.

I had come so close to destroying everyone I loved and who loved me.

I was so ashamed.

I was ashamed of myself for wallowing in my grief this way.

I loved them, my family…not just Avery, but I had been too consumed with his death to remember that. I had put them through so much this last year, shut them out, hurt them, repeatedly.

How could I have been so cruel? I was never like this before.

If it weren't for Jace…

If she knew, Josie would hate me forever.

I hiccuped and burrowed deeper into the sheets, inhaling Jace's scent once more. A strangely calm feeling coursed through my veins and for a second, I didn't feel the pain anymore.

Despite my suicide attempt I hadn't had nightmares last night. I had actually managed to get a good night's sleep…

Was it because of Jace?

Nah, it was probably because I had been too beat up to even dream.

I didn't want to admit it out loud, but honestly, I felt safe here, I felt stable…

What would happen when it was time to go home? I should be over at Avery's with his family but I knew that I wouldn't be able to face them. Not after what I had done.

I sat up then, pushing my tangled hair away from my face, taking a good look around. The room was still like a guest bedroom, there was nothing personal on the walls or anything. Then I noticed my clothes neatly folded on the chair next to the bed and smiled a little. He'd washed and dried them for me? My heart fluttered in my chest and I got up and pulled them on. Though I felt comfortable in his baggy clothes, I knew it was better to wear my own before going out there – his sweats were likely to drop to the floor when I tried to walk anyways.

I noticed a comb on the dresser, next to his cologne and aftershave, and decided to run it through my tangled bird's nest. I looked dreadful. My eyes were puffy and red and sported dark circles around them. Sad to say that this was nothing new, I looked like this every day. My skin was a bit paler than usual and I had lost some weight in the last week or so when I started missing meals instead of comfort eating.

I didn't want to look like this. I wanted to look like that girl in the photo, who had been happy.

I wanted to be happy. I just wasn't sure what fight I had left in me. A soft knock at the door jolted me back to the present and I muttered, "Come in."

Jace poked his head in around the door and his smoky eyes traveled over my body, causing me to quiver as his heat filled the room around me. The smell of him was everywhere.

His face was guarded and unhappy, it didn't fit right with the person he was. Jace usually had a shy, kind smile, one I had never properly appreciated before. After what I said _and_ did yesterday I had probably ruined his ability to smile for a long time.

"How you feeling?" he asked, stepping inside. He was always asking me how I was.

Jace was dressed in baggy plaid pajama bottoms and a gray tee. I couldn't help but appreciate how it fit over his broad chest, his strong arms…the same ones that had rescued me.

No, what was I doing? I shifted my focus to his face, shoving any affection I was suddenly feeling for him, aside. This was just hero-worship, and really pathetic.

"I'm…better, thanks," I said.

"Did you sleep okay?"

"Yes, I did."

He seemed relieved to hear that. "Well, breakfast is ready, I hope you've got an appetite, you really need to eat something."

There he went again, caring about me more than I deserved. It was obvious from his stiff demeanor that this was hard for him. I had really pushed it too far this time. Meekly, I nodded and followed him out to the kitchen where waffles, bacon and scrambled eggs were piled on the counter.

"Help yourself, I'll eat what's left."

I kept my eyes low and dished out a heap of eggs, four strips of bacon and three waffles. I was suddenly starving. Jace seemed satisfied to see my hefty spread and then took out a generous serving for himself.

We sat together in front of the television and ate in silence while an episode of Friends showed. I didn't know what to say so I kept quiet. I didn't want to ruin the morning for either of us by saying the wrong thing.

"Thanks for breakfast, it was actually pretty good," I told him after we were finished, mustering a proper smile this time. A full stomach had undoubtedly put me in a better mood.

Jace looked over at me, at my lips, stunned. "Uh, you're welcome," he said with a sheepish grin after breathing an exaggerated sigh of relief.

"Enid taught you to cook?" I asked, feeling like some ice had broken between us.

"Um, no Embry has been showing me. Since I've been here I've been finding my way in the kitchen, watching him, following his instructions or whatever. I think he uses food to bond."

I giggled, finding that to be quite adorable, he was bonding with his father in the kitchen instead of as wolves. Jace looked at me as though I was an alien. I sure felt like one.

I took his empty plate and headed back to the kitchen, aware of his heavier footsteps following me. He told me I didn't have to wash everything, but in reality he had made a huge mess and I wanted to show my gratitude, so I waved him away and told him to relax.

When I was done with everything I wiped the counters and folded the kitchen towel neatly. I wondered where Uncle Embry was, hoping that it wasn't with my father.

Ugh, what would I say to my family when I got back? I still didn't want to go back. I was calm here and I needed to be calm after what I'd tried to do to myself last night. Although he was upset, Jace seemed okay with me around. He had taken a shower and came back out to the sitting room, dressed in another t-shirt and a pair of cargo shorts.

"Ready to go home?" he asked.

I couldn't help but startle at the question. I didn't think he would rush me off.

"Well, your parents want you back," he offered as an explanation as if he could ready my mind.

I sighed and nodded reluctantly. I guess I'd have to face the music now rather than later. We climbed into Jace's Mustang and I tried to remain calm but I was anxious. Jace seemed to realize this and reached over to grab my twiddling thumbs. His warmth somehow wrapped around my entire body as he did this and I found myself slouching further into the seat.

"Stop worrying, it's alright. They just want you back safely."

"Did _you…tell_ them?"

"No, I just told them that you were upset and needed to get out of the house for a while. I promised to bring you home after breakfast. Embry made me call cause he didn't want Paul to flip out."

"Thanks Jace, for everything…" I knew I needed to extend an olive branch after all he'd done for me in the last few hours. "I know what I did was incredibly selfish…I wasn't thinking clearly…I was just in so much pain I wanted it to stop…I couldn't bear it…the memorial, our fight, my fight with Josie, I just dunno. I lost it. I just couldn't talk myself out of wanting to just end it all." My voice caught in my throat and I couldn't stop the tears that broke free as I sobbed. Admitting what I'd done out loud was worse than thinking about it. Jace squeezed my hands with his right one and I realized then that he had never let me go. Our fingers were intertwined on my lap and I didn't mind because it comforted me. "I was wrong and I'm sorry…" I finally finished, my voice barely a whisper now.

"Can you just promise never to do something like that again? I know you don't want to be imprinted on by me…but it happened…and if you kill yourself, I'll die too…you're not alone Phoenix. I know I'm _not…him…but_ I can be your best friend if that's what you need. Just let me be there for you, please? Whenever you feel bad again just call me, talk to me, please. You need to talk to someone. Don't hurt yourself. What you _did_ \- " Jace broke off in frustrated growl and I knew that he was really upset with me, that he was trying not to chew me out for what I'd done.

I pulled away from his touch to wipe my tears away. He moved his hand and placed it on the steering wheel with a sigh and I was disappointed. His touch was soothing to me…

"Phoenix, promise me," Jace insisted through gritted teeth, sparing a glance my way as he drove.

I turned to look at him and slowly nodded. Maybe he was right, maybe Josie was right. Maybe I needed to talk to Jace…or maybe Aunt Kim. Maybe keeping everything inside was doing more damage than good.

"I know I've got college starting soon, but I'd stay for you. Just consider that. You don't need to feel alone anymore, you don't need to think that it'll never get better because it will."

Jace looked over at me with hopeful puppy eyes, but I didn't know what to say. A small part of me wanted to tell him to stay, but honestly I didn't want to be the reason why. It would put too much pressure on me. I needed to clear my head and get myself together without worrying about how that affected him. And I wasn't sure if I was being selfish again or if I was being smart, but it was how I felt.

We pulled up to my parents' estate and I reminded him of the code to unlock the gate. We pulled up in front of the house and before I could step out of the car properly my mother was running to me and swallowing me in a hug.

"Oh baby girl! You gave us such a scare!" she cried, her face showed that she'd been crying and worried about me. I felt guilty, knowing that it could have been worse if Jace hadn't saved me last night.

"I'm sorry Momma, I just needed to get away for a bit." A little white lie was necessary in this case.

She nodded and stroked my hair lovingly. "I know, I saw your room. I packed the pictures away in a shoebox. They're there for when you're ready to see them again." I nodded and she smiled. "I think it would do you some good to put them away for a little while, it might help you finally accept things and try to move on, don't you think?"

"Yeah Momma…" It was the first step wasn't it? I understood that now.

Her eyes widened and she took a step back in shock. The last time she had suggested I move on I had snapped at her. "Your father's really upset but he promised not to be too hard on you, I'm sorry."

"It's okay, I shouldn't have left home."

 _I shouldn't have tried to kill myself._ I shuddered at the thought and dropped my eyes to the floor, ashamed.

My mother released me and went to Jace. I turned to look at him, he'd been quietly leaning against the frame of the opened car door. He seemed sad as he watched me. I hated making him sad.

"Jace thank you for taking care of her, I'm so happy she has you to be there for her."

Jace accepted the hug awkwardly and once again I felt bad for dragging him through this whole sad mess that was my life. He was my imprinter and I was basically in love with someone else who was not here anymore, yet he couldn't walk away because his wolf needed me...guessing his feelings in all this was like a punch to the gut.

I felt awful. I was an awful person to treat Jace the way that I had. Yet he was here, he wanted to be here even though I had once again put up a wall between us.

It wasn't right for the imprint to force him to do this. Any other guy wouldn't stick around while the girl they cared about mourned for someone else and shut him out.

"Hey, what's wrong?" my head snapped up and saw that he was standing in front of me, concern all over his face. I had been so lost in my self-loathing thoughts and regrets that I hadn't even noticed that Momma went back inside.

I shook my head quickly… "Nothing."

"Come on, you can tell me anything, you can trust me Nix, don't you get that by now? Just let me in."

I snorted in frustration and folded my arms defiantly across my chest. "That's exactly the problem."

"What?" he stepped backwards as if my words stung him. They probably did as I had been a bit gruff.

I sighed, not wanting him to misunderstand me again. "You shouldn't have to do this because of the imprint. It's not right…you're being forced to care about me and cover for me when all I can think about is Avery and myself. It's not fair to you Jace, I'm selfish and hopeless and I don't want to keep hurting you, I'm not trying to be a bad person and yet all I do is make things worse for you and everyone else. You shouldn't have to deal with this. If you weren't a wolf you wouldn't." He hadn't been here that long, and because of me he was plagued with the grief that had descended on the pack because of Avery's death.

His mouth opened and closed a few times, and he started to tremble slightly. Great, now I'd pissed him off. I dunno why but I reached out and grabbed his shirt, forcing him to look at me.

"Don't be mad, it's the truth and I just want you to be free, you had a plan for your life before coming here. Don't let me ruin you Jace, you're too good for me, for this place. This is me thinking of someone else besides myself, you don't have to stay here, I will be fine, I need to do this on my own."

He shook his head now. "No."

I raised my brows and tried to step back, releasing my grip on his shirt, "No?"

He grabbed my arms firmly and urgently spoke: "I meant what I said, and it's not the wolf, it's ME. I cared about you before I phased. I wanted to make you smile before I knew what was happening to me. You need me whether or not you try to see it for yourself. I'm not leaving you to fall apart like _he_ did. I want to be here for you, you can be happy again if you just let it happen, you _deserve_ to be happy. That accident wasn't your fault, you need to understand that Phoenix, you need to forgive yourself for something you didn't do. That's it, isn't it? You blame yourself?"

I ripped away from him, my anger flaring. "You don't know anything if you could say that! It was because of ME he was in the water. It was because of ME that he drowned!" I found myself hitting Jace's chest with almost every word and he just stood there, taking it until he grabbed my wrists and held them against his rapidly beating heart.

I couldn't stop myself from falling into him when he tugged me to his chest. As the sobs tore through my body I let Jace hold me close and rock me side to side. His wolf heat flooded over me and I felt myself dissolving into a blubbering mess.

"You didn't hold his body underwater, you didn't drown him, it was an accident," he whispered above my head.

"I could as well have!" I pushed back so I could see his face. He didn't understand anything.

"Can you just talk to me? What happened when he died?" his eyes were so tormented yet concerned that I knew he deserved the truth.

I sighed and looked out onto the yard, relieved that we seemed to be alone still.

"It was late, we had gone to a movie, and we were playing this stupid game where we'd try to best each other at everything. We always played it growing up. All at the restaurant and movie we were daring each other to do stupid things. On our way home I decided I would best him by going swimming in the dark water. It was full moon and I had hoped it would be romantic more than anything..."

Jace nodded encouragingly, even though I could tell that he didn't want to hear that part.

"We weren't far out, but we were messing around in the water. I was dunking him under and then one time he didn't come back up. I was scared and calling for him but then he called out to me from up on the cliffs. He said he would prove how much he loved me more than I loved him and then jumped from the highest peak. There were bubbles in the water and I tried calling to him but I couldn't see anything, I couldn't find him – it was too dark underwater and there were lots of rocks, I couldn't look properly. I thought he was joking at first and I called him for a long time until I was too cold and scared. There were too many clouds gathered to see." My voice broke as the tears fell from the memories I recalled. I'd never forget how petrified and panicked I was that night. "I was totally reckless. I was the one who started the whole game and going swimming that night."

"It wasn't your fault. He shouldn't have gone up there, he wasn't a wolf and he was being stupid," Jace said, his voice gruff and low with disapproval.

"He wanted to prove his love to me…I should have begged him not to jump, then he'd still be here…"

"Instead of me."

I stiffened and looked up at Jace's sad face not caring if mine was splotchy and snotty. "No, that's not what I meant."

"I know it's how you feel. You think we never would have imprinted if he was still here."

The sadness and grumpiness in his tone made me feel like crap. "I'm sorry Jace, but I'm glad you're here, you really did the right thing finding me last night. I was stupid and you stopped me from making the biggest mistake of my life – I know…I know I have to let him go and move on, but I'm scared." For once I was being totally honest with the both of us.

"No I think I _undid_ the biggest mistake of your life – you still made it. You could have been in the hospital morgue right now. But you don't need to be scared, how else can I explain to you that _I'm_ _here. I am the one who's supposed to be here."_ Jace growled and released me, stepping away. By the look of resignation on his face I knew in my heart that he didn't believe that I was grateful he'd been there for me. "Funny how shit turned out isn't it?"

"I don't understand?" I shook my head and tried to warm myself. His coldness towards me was physically chilling.

"Both of us losing people who jumped off of a cliff?"

"I still don't understand." I didn't die, so what was he talking about?

"I lost you the moment you decided you'd rather kill yourself than let me help you find your way again."

A slicing pain slid through my chest. I searched his eyes hard and long but all I saw there was heartbreak. He was letting me see just how much I had hurt him last night. All morning he had been holding it in, trying to act normal but I had pushed him too far.

"I-I," I didn't even know what to say.

"Look, just forget I said anything okay? It was stupid of me to say that when you were just trying to open up to me like I wanted. Phoenix, it's okay to be upset that the accident happened because it was your idea. But _you_ didn't kill him, you would have never hurt him; you love him too much, so stop blaming yourself."

His words sank in and I shuddered at my mental reaction before voicing it. "I feel like I can't though…" I finally whined in reply. I wanted to, I really really wanted to, but I felt so powerless.

Jace sighed and shook his head. "I can't make you see things you aren't ready to realize for yourself. I understand that now. But just promise me again that you won't try to hurt yourself Phoenix, even if it's just for my sake, please try, it's not just you that will be hurt." He gray eyes were so hopeless and desperate. I was a total "b-word" as Momma would say. "I think – I gotta go."

"No Jace, _please,_ don't leave..." I choked, surprising even myself. But that feeling came back again like it had this morning – I needed him to keep me stable. And I didn't want him to leave on such a melancholy note. I wanted him to understand that I appreciated what he did for me even though I didn't deserve it.

Jace looked down at me, searching my eyes to determine what, I didn't know. After a few moments he simply turned and got back inside of the car and drove away.


	23. Nothing Something

**GUEST = You remind me of myself lol, I have a knack for predicting stories really well. Again you've got good thinking, but you might be disappointed to see that Jace will not tell any adults, But in the next chapter Phoenix has to face them on her own. This chapter was actually tough to write, like the one to come next. It wasn't easy for me to perfectly capture the right responses from my characters. but I hope you all enjoy reading none the less.**

No copyright infringement intended on Stephenie Meyer's work

Chapter 21 – Nothing Something

JACE

I said I would never leave her to fall apart like he did, but I got into my car and left her anyways, even though she had asked me not to go.

Maybe it was self-preservation, maybe it's because the anxiety was fretting my wolf, but I just couldn't stay.

Peace of mind: what I needed, Phoenix couldn't give me. Even though she tried to, she couldn't promise me anything. Not even to heal. I needed her to give me that at least.

I had searched her eyes, hoping to finally see the part of Phoenix that felt the imprint bond, that accepted that she needed me. But I didn't see it. She was determined to suffer.

She was broken inside. She was like a little tiny bird with a broken wing and I wanted to nurse her back to health. But my little bird didn't want me or anyone to help her. She was so fucking stubborn! I didn't know what to do, who to tell. I knew she regretted the jump and didn't want me to tell anyone, and it felt physically impossible to betray her trust that I wouldn't.

I was trying all morning to be cautious, to give her space, to not come on too strong. One part of me just wanted to hold her and the other was so pissed at what she'd done. I guess getting some rest hadn't changed my mood from last night when I'd left her in my room. Not like I had really rested - in fact I barely got a wink of sleep because I had replayed the memory all night, reliving the fear. And not to mention, I was afraid that she would sneak out and try to do it again. I got up and checked the room and the doors a few times because I was so paranoid. I had tossed and turned on the sofa until morning when I decided to make breakfast. I had learned a few things from Embry since living here and despite my mood a part of me was excited to cook for my imprint, to take care of her. My wolf enjoyed the fact that Phoenix had spent the night in my clothes in my room. As upset as I was about what she'd done, we never had time alone. It was what I craved, to be close to her. I wanted to hold her all night.

But still I couldn't get it out of my mind, her face before the jump.

She had given up on everything including me. And it was gnawing at me all morning even as we talked. I could feel her nerves and she was probably tip toeing around me, hoping I wouldn't shift or hurt her or something. I guess I wasn't hiding my anger that well, I couldn't be sure. Maybe she really was sorry about what she'd done.

But she'd gone ahead and jumped. At the end of the day, _she did it_.

Not even me begging her not to, made her stop, the imprint was powerless. I was angry at what she'd tried to do, but after thinking it over last night, I realized that she'd been dealing with this for much longer than I'd even been in La Push. I didn't comprehend the extent of her pain until last night. She wouldn't have jumped if she wasn't _really really hurting._

But not even that would erase what I saw, how I felt.

So it was expected that I felt flattered that she wanted to stay here with me rather than go home. But even after I comforted her, she still thought that I should leave La Push! She still hadn't changed her mind about me, about our future. She wanted me to live my life and forget about her. She wanted me to leave her here, knowing she was suicidal. As if I could!

She just couldn't see that I was the one fate chose for her, not stupid Avery! I wasn't second place, there's no way. I had to accept that Avery had been a huge part of her life before I came along, and our imprint wouldn't suddenly make him just disappear from her mind or heart… Especially since she blamed herself for his death. It was painful to understand that this was how she saw herself, to be a murderer, basically.

But accepting this truth of circumstance, it only made me hate that I'd imprinted on her. Being her wolf was hard, it was _really_ hard, given that Avery was like a cloud blocking out my sunshine and my ability to be sunshine for Phoenix. She was my imprint so it was my job to stand by her and to be whatever she wanted and needed me to be.

And right now she needed me to be nothing so I had to be nothing.

But how could I be _nothing_ to her when I was filled with so much _somethings_ for her?

In the end I was getting the shitty end of the deal. I just wished that Phoenix would stop being so fucking blind to reality. Her resistance and her inability to see reason was tearing me apart. For my own good, I had to see her as a sister or something, and nothing more or else I would never survive this.

I was screwed.

XXXXXX

When I got back to the house Embry was making sandwiches in the kitchen.

"Where did you disappear to?" I asked, plopping my body into the chair at the table to watch him. It groaned under my weight and I made a mental note not to do it again or I'd break it.

"Went to the gym with Quil, took a run." He took a huge bite of his ham sandwich and asked me if I wanted some – of course it was totally muffled, it was his hand gesture to the food that clued me in.

"Sure, why not?" I mumbled.

I heard him gulp the food and clear his throat. "How did it go? What the fuck happened with you two last night?"

I snorted and rolled my eyes. There was no way in hell I could tell him. Although I knew it was the right thing to do, my tongue literally wouldn't form the words. I just couldn't confess that the shit had hit the fan.

"Jace, did something bad happen?"

My eyes widened and I shook my head, feeling the heat of the lie spread through my body.

"You're lying," he declared. I cleared my throat. "Jace if she did something stupid you can't keep it to yourself."

I shook my head. "Embry, don't ask, _please."_

"Don't cover up shit for her. If she needs help you gotta tell her parents."

"I know, but I don't think she'll do it again."

"What did she DO?" I growled in frustration. "Forget I asked then! Fuck! But what are YOU gonna do?"

"Like what? I don't know, all I can say is that she would prefer it if I wasn't around. She doesn't want me to hurt because she can't return my feelings, she doesn't want me to feel obligated to stay with her since she's a mess. Apparently she thinks me being in Cali would make me happy. She wants to sort shit out on her own. I dunno what the fuck's in her head anymore. It's fucked, the whole thing is just FUCKED…"

"Maybe you should go though."

"What?" I sat up instantly barely acknowledging the sandwich he shoved in front of me like a peace offering.

"Give her the space. If there is one thing - being apart will make her miss you and appreciate you. And honestly kid, after whatever happened last night, if she still wants you to leave her alone, maybe you should. You look like you could use a break from the drama. This whole situation is changing you."

I rubbed my face and sighed. I hated what he was saying but a part of me knew that he was right. I didn't know if she would ever want me like I wanted her and I was MISERABLE beyond belief. Last night was like the straw that broke the fucking camel's back. And maybe time apart would be exactly what we both needed since I wasn't helping the situation. How could I help her if she didn't want me to?

 _Be nothing Jace_.

Embry was lucky he'd never imprinted, this just wasn't worth it. I needed to at least stop phasing quickly so that the wolf would not interfere anymore. It was too needy of the imprint. I was sure that left on my own I'd be okay. At least, that was a comforting thought. Maybe I'd be the first wolf not to be with his imprint.

Needing to distract myself, I got up and grabbed some milk and two glasses, pouring us both a shot of chocolate syrup into the white liquid first – it was something we found out we had in common.

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that shit," he grumbled to himself as he started to pack away the ingredients. The way he said it made me wonder if he was saying it resentfully rather than disbelievingly.

"Do you miss Mom a lot?" I asked.

Embry froze and looked over at me, his dark eyes watching me steadily. "I'd be lying if I said no."

"You think she misses you?"

He snorted and looked over at me. "Do YOU think she misses me?"

"Humph, I dunno for sure, but honestly, I think it could be possible. When comparing you and Brendon, I think it's obvious who the winner would be, I mean, come on!" My father looked like an older model type who should be on tv for GAP and Target and those guys. There's no way my Mom wouldn't get hot for Embry if she saw him right now.

"Well, there're over twenty years' worth of secrets and pain beneath this skin so I don't think that part matters."

"You two need to talk. You know you need some answers."

Embry looked at me doubtfully. He wasn't ready and I guess I understood. Maybe he wanted time to really sort his emotions regarding me and all the time we lost. In such a short time our relationship was great, he already treated me like his son, but also like a friend. I wasn't just some kid to him, he respected me because of my wolf, he knew the responsibility I had now because of Phoenix. And I needed him, I needed him just because we were practically one and the same. He was my Dad, the only one who could know how I felt because we shared the same secret.

After I downed my sandwich and milk, I knew I needed to go run. There was no way around it. The wolf and all this anxious energy needed to be released.

"See you later," Embry called as I started to strip my shirt while walking to my room where I'd leave my things. "But Jace?" I stopped and turned my head alone to look at him. "I would love it if you stayed and all, just do what's best for you, okay?"

I nodded and offered a small thank you smile before jumping out of the window. I heard my grandmother pottering around in the backyard and had to make a mad naked dash before she caught me.

As soon as I phased in I knew Tuari was there. I knew immediately that he would see me thinking about his sister. She was all over my head.

FUCKKKKKK!

Welcome to the World of Extremely Difficult Women bro. It's fucking great isn't it? (Tuari)

A dark, humorless chuckle erupted in my huge wolf frame as I ran to meet up with him.

 _So great._ I thought sarcastically.

So what happened last night?  (Tuari)

I was reminded then that I'd have to guard my thoughts extra hard so that no one would know about what had happened last night. It was her secret to tell.

 _She came over…she was really upset about Avery. She said she needed to escape the memories for a while and couldn't be at home. I guess she was talking about those pictures in her room._ I tried to keep myself calm so that he wouldn't know that I was kinda lying.

Her room was like a fucking shrine to Ave…I don't think it was helping her. But that's good right? She came to you and not anyone else. It means she felt the pull. (Tuari)

 _I wouldn't go that far, she didn't come willingly at first. But anyways, yeah, that's what happened. She slept in my room and I took the couch, made her breakfast and took her home_. (Jace)

I hoped he wouldn't ask where I had met up with her.

I tried not to think about her jumping and being underwater.

What the fuck are you hiding? What happened to her? (Tuari)

 _If you want to know you have to ask her, please don't make me tell you._ (Jace)

Not cool Jace. You can't keep this to yourself! (Tuari)

 _But I'll betray her trust_. (Jace)

Does that really matter right now? What did she say to you? (Tuari)

What, was he Oprah or something? I didn't come out here for a heart-to-heart with anyone. I just wanted to burn off this frustration she caused. I wanted to NOT think about anything regarding Phoenix Lahote right now, for my own sanity.

That's my sister, I want to help her too yuh know? If you knew her before, you'd understand how much she's really changed. She needs help. (Tuari)

 _Well why hasn't anyone forced her to get help all along Ari? Why wait a whole year while she continued to fall apart?_

She's stubborn, she won't say anything. You're probably the first person she opened up to. (Tuari)

I had no choice but to give him something, he was just being a good big brother. _She said she's tired of the pain, she wants it to stop. She feels guilty about what happened. I tried telling her it wasn't her fault, I'll keep saying it until she believes it. It's crazy, she refuses to let him go and she thinks she will never be happy again. She wants me to go back to Cali and leave her alone_. (Jace)

Fuck, of course it wasn't her fault! The tide came in and he got pulled under. I mean…no one knows what happened to Avery, we can just assume that he was pulled out to sea by a strong-ass current. (Tuari)

 _Or broke his fucking neck…_ (Jace)

I could understand why she felt guilty for suggesting they go swimming though. It was a stupid decision. But Avery had made his choice knowing the risks. And he wasn't even wolf yet, he should have protected her and made a better choice. The thing is, it could have been Phoenix that vanished and not him. The thought made my stomach churn because she had still basically vanished too. The person she was, was gone. I would never know her.

I'll talk to her okay? Don't worry. I'll leave you alone to decompress, I'm done patrol anyways. Try not to stress. Keep your head up. My sister will realize she needs you sooner or later. (Tuari)

I was grateful that I wouldn't have to be the one caught in the middle of that situation - her telling her family what she'd done. Honestly it was just better this way since she didn't even want my help.

Now it was my turn to run patrol and I was happy I had something to do rather than stay home and go crazy over Phoenix.

After a while Tuari phased out and I was alone in my head, thankfully. My mind ran on everything she had said and what happened last night but I tried my best to block it all out after a while. I needed to not think of my imprint or I'd be forced to make some other stupid decision like get involved in her life again, when she clearly wanted me gone.

Running through the trees I felt more alone than I had ever before.

Was there really no hope left then?

Was I destined to never be with my soulmate?

I caught a sickly sweet stench above that made the fur all over me stand at attention. This cannibalistic urge to kill something came over me and I growled involuntarily. Without thinking I released a real signal to the others, knowing in my gut that it was a vampire. With my snout in the air I followed the trail realizing the leech had been close to the Lahote residence. Tuari had actually missed that?

I followed it until I hit the woods of the compound.

 **A leech this close?** (Quil)

 _Yeah, I followed the trail here._ (Jace)

Fuck! How did I miss that? (Tuari)

 _Same thing I was wondering._ (Jace)

 **Maybe it kept behind you. Just keep going Jace, we'll split up. Ari you patrol the compound some more then branch out**. (Quil)

Brady, Jonathan and Sammy all phased it and we all broke up to hunt the scent. I went with Quil but after an hour we found nothing. Tuari found nothing at the house either, it didn't actually go beyond the trees. What was it doing? Watching the place?

One thing was for sure though, a vampire had been in La Push and that meant that our imprints and the pups weren't safe. It had certainly gotten too close to the compound for my liking. They were my family in more ways than one.

 **We'll keep patrolling for the next few hours, if nothing comes up only four will stay on til morning. We've got to keep vigilant. Pairs for patrol from now on until we can be sure the threat is gone.** (Quil)

I could feel his annoyance that a vamp had returned to disturb the peace.

I had a bad feeling about this.

EMBRY

My son didn't want to tell me what was wrong with him and his imprint, but I knew she had done something to hurt him. I could tell. She was a Lahote and I expected her to do nothing but cause my son grief. I knew it was wrong to think poorly of the little girl, but I couldn't help it. She had always been spoilt and I just would have preferred someone else to be my son's mate – someone who wasn't hung up on another guy she couldn't be with. I mean, was it really that hard for Phoenix to accept that Avery wasn't her soul mate? That he wouldn't have imprinted on her even if he had lived and phased? And Jace had already been through so much feeling like his mother rejected him, did he really need another woman in his life making him feel like shit? No, he certainly did not.

But honestly. I just didn't want Paul to be my son's father-in-law, but shit if I could do anything about it now. Maybe it was wrong of me to tell him to go to college rather than stay here for her, but a part of me just didn't want to see him waste his life away behind a child Paul Lahote raised. It was hard enough watching Leanne suffer and pine for that other spoilt brat Benjamin.

But I couldn't think about that right now. I trusted Jace to sort his business out with that girl. Whatever he wanted to do I'd still support him regardless. I was the one parent he needed to count on to be there no matter what. Fuck knows what Valerie had been doing all along. Just thinking about her made my blood boil and my heart sting.

While Jace went for a run I grabbed his phone and copied Valerie's number. I knew he wanted me to talk to her and I knew that I needed to talk to her, but it was going to be hard. For so many reasons, but most of all because I was angry.

I was angry beyond belief with her for what she'd done.

I was angry with her for how she treated our son. The pain in him was too real and too worrisome.

And I was angry with myself for still loving her after all this time. All this time I was missing her not knowing that she had stabbed me in the back.

She had done something that felt so unforgiveable and yet I worried about how the last nineteen years had changed her for the worse. She didn't sound like my Val anymore.

And who the fuck was this Brendon?

I groaned and shook my head. He was the least of my worries right now. This was between me and her. He could go fuck himself quite frankly.

I dialed the number three times before I had the balls to actually let it ring.

"Valerie Montgomery," her cool, reserved voice rang on the line.

I took a deep breath and cleared my throat. I hadn't heard that voice in nineteen years. "Valerie, it's Embry."

It was her turn to breathe deeply. "Hello…Embry."

"I'm calling because…well." Fuck, I couldn't do this.

"What did he do this time?" she asked in frustration which pissed me off immediately.

"What? Nothing! Why would you assume that? Jace is a good kid despite whatever he's done recently Val."

"He's my son, I think I know him better than you do."

"Well whose fault is that? Certainly not mine!" I yelled.

"Look, Embry I'm really busy right now, what do you want?"

This fucking… I had to stop myself from calling her a bad name.

"You have some explaining to do Valerie Davis, so I expect you in La Push at some point before Jace is due to go back. And this is not a request. It's a fucking order, so clear your god-damned schedule."

"It's Montgomery now, Embry."

"I don't give a fuck what it is! Just get your ass out here. Regardless of what you think, your son needs you and it's time you gave him the attention he deserves."

"Don't-"

"Val, with all due respect, you are not in any position to tell me not to tell you how to be a mother to Jace. You failed him V. And you need to be here for him."

"I'm always there for him, Jace just chooses not to come to me. He has Enid for that."

"Right, yeah fucking right. You can't lie to me about this. Some _nanny_ could never replace you unless you let her."

"Have you ever stopped to consider that he could be lying to you about me?"

"No because I can see that he's not. He's fucking hurt Val, he thinks you don't give a shit about him, and I'm sure that he didn't just dream that up all by himself. You had a right to come here with him to meet me, instead you just send him along with Corrie's number as if that made you some type of saint. Honestly, you got some nerve woman, you hear me? You got a lotta fucking nerve to do this to me Valerie. You fucked up everything."

"I fucked up everything? You were the one who broke my heart Embry Call! You should have loved me harder! You let Sam and those idiots drive us apart!"

I knew she was right of course. The stinging pain ripping through my body said as much. "I regret it every day Valerie. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't dream about what we could have had. But to learn that we really could have had it, and that you kept him from me? It fucking hurts, Sam was not an excuse for what you did. You took my choices away just like he did."

It took a moment before she spoke again and I was disappointed in what she said next. "Look, Embry, we can have this conversation another time when you are calmer. Just know that I had my rights to choose, just like you did. We both chose wrong and we can't change the past."

No matter what I did or didn't do, she shouldn't have kept Jace a secret, and that was that. "Find yourself in La Push Valerie or I will come back to your house with Jace and I will make life very hard for you," I threatened, but part of me was also begging.

"Fine. Okay? Fine. I will send you my itinerary when I book my flight. Text me your email address."

"Will do."

She hung up the phone on me and I smiled. I had done it. I mean, I knew I might have been disrespectful but there wasn't a judge on earth that could tell me that she didn't deserve it.

I just wished that my body didn't feel so good, hearing her admit that she'd made the wrong decision all those years ago.


	24. Let It Go

**I just wanted to get through the stimulus for Phoenix's turning point, so this long chapter basically is her push towards feeling better and accepting reality, although she is still a bit of a coward.**

No copyright infringement intended on Stephenie Meyer's work

Chapter 22 – Let It Go

PHOENIX

Momma and Daddy chewed me out about leaving home in the middle of the night. Between Momma's despair and Daddy's anger my gut was a twisted mess of guilt. It didn't help that Ari was suspicious, he basically told me that he knew I'd done something stupid, that Jace was trying to cover for me. I couldn't bring myself to tell the truth and break their hearts. They'd never trust me again, or let me leave the house for that matter. I knew in my heart that I'd never be so reckless with my life again. After seeing what it did to Jace, I definitely knew better. I couldn't do that to anyone else. I decided that it was better for everyone that they didn't know.

I regretted it, and it worried me that I had sunk so low in my grief that I could make such a horrible decision. The story I gave was that I had been upset, I went to the cliffs, the rain started falling and through the imprint bond Jace found me and took me to Uncle Embry's to dry off and sleep since I didn't want to come back home and face my bedroom and all the reminders of Avery. It wasn't so far from the truth. But the lie didn't let me off the hook so easily. Ari still didn't believe me and it was enough to set my parents on high alert.

 _"What you did was totally irresponsible! You could have been hurt! You put yourself in danger Nix! So I'm putting my foot down; you're talking to Kim. I don't care if she has to keep you for six hours until you tell her what's wrong, you're going to therapy_!" Daddy had bellowed, as we sat in the family room to discuss my actions.

There was nothing I could do but promise to talk to her. Therapy wasn't what I wanted, but I had no choice, and I had to stop pushing people away if I was going to get better. It was hard to let people in but I had to, because for the last year I had made myself sick. And I wanted to get better now, for real. Trying to kill myself made me want to fight for my life, finally. And the hurt I caused Jace continuously was also another factor that clued me in to just how far gone I really was.

I had insisted with Jace that I didn't need his help and I was adamant with Josie that I wanted to sort my head out on my own, but maybe after last night, I couldn't be trusted. Maybe it was best that I at least get some professional advice on how to start the process of healing. I had to admit to myself once and for all that I was going nowhere fast, and instead of sinking, it was time to swim.

XXXXX

Auntie Kim decided we should meet for lunch at her and Uncle Jared's seafood restaurant. It was a favorite spot in La Push for people to eat, as it was nestled on a small hill, overlooking the beach. I hadn't been there in a long time and instantly felt happy. The atmosphere was so vibrant and peaceful at the same time, it was some place you came to just relax and have great conversation. We ordered a giant seafood platter because neither of us knew what we were in the mood for. I got a fruit punch while Auntie got a virgin pina colada.

"So, how have you been feeling these last couple days?" she started.

I sighed and gathered my thoughts. "Lots of things, to be honest."

"Like? Just list the first words that come to your mind."

"Sad, lonely, lost…scared, hopeless, tired, pathetic…" I said quickly then took a huge gulp of air. I felt so ashamed and embarrassed.

She frowned and sat back in her seat, her face concerned. "Those are all very depressing emotions Nix. Haven't you felt happy at least one time?"

I thought for a moment or two.

"When last did you smile?"

My mind went to yesterday, eating breakfast with Jace. "With Jace at his place yesterday."

"What made you smile?"

"He was telling me about him and Uncle Embry bonding over cooking. I thought it was cute."

She smiled. "From what I have seen Jace is a nice boy."

I nodded. I thought of the night we'd had hot chocolate and talked on the couch. He had made me laugh…

"Are you two friends?"

I shook my head, guiltily. "We have moments of friendliness, though."

"Are you upset that he is your imprinter?"

"Sometimes, most of the time, yes." But I was glad that he was because he had saved my life.

"Why?"

"Because…of Avery."

"Can you explain that a little more?"

"Because it means that he will replace Avery and force me to have feelings for him instead. And…Avery's never coming back."

"No he isn't honey. And I'm so sorry. I know it's hard to accept but it's reality, and we all have had to face that, especially the Uleys."

I nodded, knowing she was right.

"Phoenix, grief is something unique to every person. No one can tell a person how to grieve or how long to grieve but still there are certain warning signs that make it clear that their method of grief is endangering their mental and physical health."

I nodded, she was right after all. I appreciated that she was talking in general terms rather than making it about me, even though I knew we were talking about me. I felt less judged.

"Grief is a crippling emotion. For most people, it inhibits their ability to feel joy and causes them to retreat into a shell. But people gradually come out of that shell when they begin to accept their loss, and when they finally feel strong enough to not let the pain overrule everything else. Would you say that you have found yourself beginning to accept that Avery isn't coming back? Would you say you feel capable of moving forward with life again?"

My eyes filled with tears. "I want to try, but I feel like I can't. I feel like I'm leaving him behind and that he'll be forgotten. And I've blamed myself for his death for so long that it feels wrong to live when he can't."

"But you know it was not your fault don't you?" I nodded slowly, I was trying my best to stop thinking that it was. Avery had been stupid to jump. "And you know that none of us will ever forget him don't you?" I nodded again. "I assume that because Jace imprinted on you, you feel as though you are betraying him, that it would be wrong to care about someone else like you cared for him, correct?"

I nodded. That was exactly right.

Auntie Kim sat forward and clasped her hands on the table. She looked nice in a black and white polka dot blouse and black pencil skirt. Her dark hair was curled into a beehive at not a hair was out of place. I had opted for jeans and an off-the-shoulder t-shirt and sandals.

"I want to say something to you that I know will make you upset, but Phoenix, there is no other way to say it."

My heart instantly started to thump and I could hear the pounding in my ears. I swallowed and wrapped my arms around myself, preparing for the blow.

"If you REALLY want to move forward, if you REALLY want to accept that he is gone and that you have to live your life, you've got to let that picture in your head go," she said. "Just let it go."

"What picture?" I asked, baffled.

"The one where you and Avery rode off into the sunset together, the one where he imprinted on you and you lived happily ever after."

I hung my head and sank further into the chair. "I know, it's just not that easy. I hate that nothing is what I wanted it to be. Everything I wanted is gone. I'm just so disappointed and I blame myself for ruining everything."

"You didn't ruin anything, there was just a different path for you to follow instead. Because life didn't hand you what you wanted, that doesn't mean that all hope is lost, there are millions of possibilities and opportunities just waiting for you, but you are choosing not to see them. You are seeing the glass half-empty to risk sounding cliché. And because you are concentrating on the things you cannot change, you are not living in the real world, honey. Trying to live in the past or trying to atone for the past is hurting you. You are not truly trying to move on until you accept that the picture in your head, never would have happened. I don't think you want to accept it. And Jace isn't to blame for your loss either. No one is, it's just the way things turned out."

I shuddered at her words, it felt like someone had reached into my chest and squeezed the life out of my broken heart. Was this her way of giving me a wake-up call? I resented the truth and I didn't want to hear it because it made me into a fool. Had it all just been an illusion? Is that what she was saying?

Was she right? Was I just fooling myself all along? Was all the grief over the future I lost with Avery, just a big joke because it was never meant to be?

I thought back to my argument with Jace…he'd basically said the same thing, that he was the one who was supposed to be by my side.

"I am sorry Nix, I know the truth can be offensive. No one is saying that you couldn't have been happy with him, but you're choosing to stop living for someone who ultimately was not meant to be yours forever, and who can never be yours because he's gone. Whether or not he had lived, Avery wouldn't have been able to give you what you wanted, he wouldn't have imprinted on you and made everything perfect. Jace would have still been the one you were meant to be with. Accept that the picture in your head has changed and then you can finally be free of the grief, you can be free of that feeling that you are missing something."

She could as well have slapped me across the cheek. I had tried so hard not to think of how disappointed Avery would have been if he was not my imprinter, but I'd never allowed myself to dwell on the fact that when it comes down to it, alive or dead, I would have been faced with the decision to choose Jace over Avery.

"I would have fought the imprint," I declared. "I wouldn't have left Avery for Jace!"

"But for how long? It's not so easy. You have seen that for yourself with Ari and Josie. Has it been easy for you to reject Jace thus far?"

Honestly, it wasn't. I hated to see him upset. My conscience constantly got in the way and sometimes just being around him was really comforting. I shook my head.

"And you have to consider that Avery might have chosen not to be with you because of Jace, or he could have imprinted on one of the other girls."

I shook my head adamantly. Avery was jealous and possessive, it was one of the things I loved about him. He claimed me as his and he was determined to be with me. He wouldn't have just handed me over to Jace, right? And I would have been so crushed if he had imprinted on someone else, he would have been too. That meant that he would have turned out to be just like his father. But would he have just left me for his imprint? I'd never considered that even a possibility, and yet it obviously could have been.

"Nix, stop denying it, this is why you can't be happy again, stop lying to yourself and just accept reality, please. You convinced yourself of something that you never had any guarantee for. And because you can't have it, you are scaring your parents, you are hurting Jace and yourself. No one needs to hurt anymore. Can't you see that? This was a bump in the road, but I promise, life can be good again, even though he's gone."

This cruel reality she spoke of, sank into my bones, shaking me to the core. I tightened my arms around my middle and allowed the tears to fall. Her words turned me inside out, exposing all my hopes and dreams and grinding them to dust.

Avery was never going to be mine.

Avery would have let me down.

Jace would have still imprinted on me.

Avery never would have. Yes, he would have let me down.

Was she really right?

Was Jace really The Only One and not the runner-up?

I'd had such a different perspective from Auntie Kim on what would have happened with Avery. I couldn't help but repeatedly ask myself, would it really still have been Jace even if Avery was alive? How had it never occurred to me that it wouldn't have mattered if Avery was alive, that the outcome would have been the same?

It never occurred to me because I had that picture in my head.

My aunt had spelled everything out clearly for me to read. Grudgingly, I saw myself as I was now and I couldn't believe that I tried to kill myself for a dream that was never going to happen anyway.

XXXXX

I hadn't seen Jace in four days now. I had his number in my phone and I kept pulling it up to call him but I just couldn't press the button. Auntie Kim had basically told me that I couldn't avoid him as my future, because of the imprint; she wanted me to be open to being friends with him and engaging in conversation, because he was the one who made me smile. But on the other hand, she had reassured me that I was right to still take my time and get better first before seeking to involve myself with him beyond friendship. I'd been too chicken to call and ask him to hang out though.

Although our first session had been earth shattering, somehow her words were really starting to take hold in my consciousness and I found myself wanting to try harder to figure my future out. Everything had already changed and I could do nothing about that, so what was the next step? I needed to know what I wanted out of my life and get back on track. If I had that to focus on, I would be able to heal. She gave me a journal from the tribal shop and asked me to start writing things down, new hopes, new dreams, ideas of who I wanted to become and the steps I needed to take to get there. I had to write down all my fears and pain as well, as a way of getting the negativity out of my system. Since I had a hard time voicing them, she wanted me to write them. We were to meet back up in a few days to see where my head was at.

The compound was lonely these days. Tuari was always out in wolf, and I had a feeling that meant that Jace and Sammy were too but I didn't really know anything. Daddy was keeping his lips sealed and I guessed that there had been a vampire or something nearby. The way Momma would gaze out the window, biting her bottom lip, she seemed scared and since it was her son out there all day and night, I knew it had to be serious. I caught the way she and Daddy tried to hide it from us, but it wasn't working on me. Momma made up stupid excuses and Daddy complained that work was stressing him out. I silently watched and came to my own conclusions that something was up with the pack.

I decided then that I could take a visit to see Grammie Redbird to just get some fresh air. Her place always relaxed me. I had been so caught up with Jace and Avery that it had been a little while. At least Momma always went to check on her. She had hired a few people to help but she still made sure to check in regularly in case Grammie needed anything. Grammie was like the local herbal supplier or medicine woman for the Reservation, now she was so old she needed help keeping the business running, it was Momma's family legacy. I asked Ruthie if she wanted to visit and Momma reluctantly let us go on our own after I asked the reason why we shouldn't leave the house if nothing was wrong.

Ruthie turned on a teen bop song she loved and started singing at the top of her lungs as I drove the Wrangler. Surprising myself I caught the words of the chorus and sang along with her, and the delight was so obvious in my sister's eyes. I had neglected her this past year, we had always been super close. She had been my parents' surprise baby. They hadn't planned for anymore after me.

When I pulled up to the house Great-Aunt Jody was in the middle of watering the plants on the verandah while Grammie watched from her chair near the stoop. She loved to tell her daughter exactly what to do even though it was just wetting plants, she did the same with me.

"Hey Nix! Hi Ruthie poo!" Aunt Jody pulled us both in for a hug and kiss. She was twin to my Grandpa Redbird whom I had never met since he had moved away and didn't stay in touch with Grammie, Grandma Julia (Momma's mother), Momma or my four uncles. Momma would get really sad so we never talked about him.

"Hey, how's everything?" I asked.

"Good! Leanne's home for a few days, she should be around somewhere."

I smiled. She had always been a mystery to me. She and Momma had a strained relationship for some reason. And I always found it weird how she and Daddy had been so close to Amy and Benjamin, but not to each other.

I went over and kissed my great-grandmother on her leathery cheek just as Ruthie had done. She was now unplaiting Grammie's long white braid just so she could braid it back. Grammie loved it, it was soothing to her. The Old Bird as we affectionately nicknamed her, was in the middle of ranting about her flowers not getting enough sun, as if her daughter was somehow responsible for that.

"Momma they're fine, stop your fussin," then Aunt Jody proceeded to speak in Quileute, telling her to go take a nap. I learned the old language at school since it was compulsory but I still couldn't speak it as good as the elders did.

As my great aunt went around to the back of the house, Grammie turned to me and watched my face with that eagle eye of hers. Avery always said I had the same look. "What's wrong with my baby?" She asked.

I sighed, and told her "Nothing," out of habit.

"You still grieving for that boy, I know. But there's something else."

I furrowed my brows and shook my head.

"Yes, I know what I see," she tapped her half-blind eyes with a knowing smile. I guess she meant her visions. I didn't really know if she and Momma were really prophetical or not, but I didn't make fun of them either. I knew better.

"She misses Jace, like I do Grams," Ruthie piped up in the back and I scowled at her. I certainly didn't want my little sister putting such words in my mouth. And how the heck did she figure that?

"Oh JACE, right, right, the Call boy I've yet to meet - You were imprinted on and didn't tell me."

I blushed and looked at her with misery on my face. "Sorry, it's not exactly an announcement I felt like making."

"You _should_ be happy, it is the greatest gift!"

"Then why does it feel like a burden?" I mumbled. Why does it feel forced? Why did it happen as such an inconvenient time?

"It won't be easy but true love is the answer no matter what. Look at your Momma – isn't she the happiest woman you know? You think she never came here crying over that wolf she married? Every relationship is tough in the beginning."

"Grammie, did Momma _really_ cry over Daddy?" Ruth butted in again.

"She _did._ She came here and planted seeds and cared for my garden just like you. It helped her clear her head when she needed to sort things out with your Daddy. When she had you and your brother she had it tough. Mothering didn't come naturally to Corrine and she was scared of failing Paul. But my Corrine always let true love keep her grounded, no matter how hard things got. In time she was much stronger and capable. She believed in herself and Paul made sure to support her every step of the way."

"Awww you and Ari were bad babies!" Ruth giggled from her perch behind Grammie's wheel chair. She was busy making a series of white braids. I really didn't think this was a conversation my sister should be hearing at all.

"I don't _love_ Jace, we barely even talk, it's not the same," I quickly announced to my great-grandmother for clarity's sake. I didn't want these two telling that to people.

"Humph," Grammie smacked her gums and gave me 'the look'; her piercing eyes were almost completely covered by cataracts but it didn't stop the effect of her glare. She could have gotten them removed so she could see better but she refused. "The point is, _missy,_ that nothing's perfect. Not even imprinting. It has its rough beginnings like any other relationship. But love is powerful no matter what. It can make you strong and be a better person if you let it."

I sighed and tried not think about love and Jace in the same sentence. I didn't have to think that far ahead yet, and I was determined not to. But it annoyed me that Jace, Auntie Kim, Josie, Momma and now Grammie all had the same idea, that being with Jace would make me all better again.

"Love is like a flower, it grows into the most beautiful thing you've ever seen. All it takes is a tiny seed and some tender loving care. If you decide to care for him just a little, the love will grow."

I snorted but didn't verbally respond. Love was like a flower alright, someone could come and pluck it right out from under your nose or crush it in their hand. Love dies. Love hurts like a biatch.

"Listen to me child, you and your wolf are going down a difficult road right now, and it's all because you push him away. But Phoenix, I have seen it…things will get worse. Something's coming that could drive you apart forever and I just know that if that happens it will break you in a way that cannot be repaired. You need to know what's in your heart, girl. You need to have faith in love and see that you already have what you desire most."

Grammie's tone was so foreboding it sent a chill across my arms. I thought for a moment and deduced that she was talking about college. Would I never see him again after this summer? "He's going back home soon for college. We haven't quite figured out what will happen then. But don't worry, I can handle it if we are apart, I promise I'll be fine, I just need time to focus on me and getting back on my feet." I couldn't even tell her that I had basically run him off and told him to move on without me anyways.

"That's not the thing that will drive you apart, child! Trust my words, and think twice about what you are doing. Everything isn't always easy or written in black and white, so you need to have your head on straight."

"Will you tell me what's going to happen?"

Grammie shook her head. "I don't know the details, but pushing him away is not the answer. He would never have imprinted on you if you two were meant to be apart, child."

I chewed my lip, thinking that whatever it was, sounded bad. I didn't like the sound of that. I'd been through enough in the last year I couldn't take anymore!

"You might not want to hear it now, but one day _everything_ I said will make perfect sense and you will believe me."

"Okay," I sighed, hating when she was so darn intimidating and wise. I knew for sure that whatever Grammie said was always true so that meant that eventually I'd have to face this imprint with Jace – sooner rather than later.

"Come take this old woman inside, my bones are getting cold."

At the request I stood, and turned the wheelchair around. Even though Momma had equipped her house with mechanical and motorized chairs, Grammie preferred to be pushed the old fashion way. I think she just didn't trust the "high-tech stuff," as she called it. She was certainly set in her ways.

"Are you ready to come upstairs Grammie?" Cousin Leanne's voice startled me and I looked up to meet her eyes as she descended the stairs.

"Leanne!" Ruthie followed us inside and pounced on her and they exchanged a warm embrace before Leanne straightened up and looked at me. Our family wasn't really close to her, but because of Benji we had spent a lot of time together at Christmas back when I was much younger. Christmas was always pack time. The Blacks and the Clearwaters were always around then too.

My heart was going wild as she regarded me closely. Did she know about what Benjamin told me? I just felt so weird about it for some reason. I knew she was still his close friend.

"Hi," I said with a forced smile, my grip on the chair tightening.

"Hello Phoenix, you really are growing up so sweetly," she leaned over and we gave each other weak hugs. Yes this was definitely awkward.

"I'm ready to nap," Grammie interrupted us with her crabbiness and I quickly stepped aside so that Leanne could fit her into the chair that would carry her up the stairs to her room.

Ruth and I got a snack of homemade banana bread and lemonade in the kitchen then she went back outside with Aunt Jody while I stayed in to just have a moment to clear my head. But Leanne came in and got herself a drink too so it was a lost cause.

"So how are things? Feeling any better?"

I shrugged, finding the crumbs on my plate more interesting now.

"It takes time I guess. I miss my nephew too, sometimes it's hard even talking to my brother or Emily, they've been through so much, it hurts to see them in pain."

I nodded, at least someone got that part. That's why I had stayed away.

"So have you seen Benjamin?" I asked, desperately needing to change the topic as I felt the sting of suppressed tears. But I immediately wanted to slap myself for bringing him up. He was the only thing we had in common.

Leanne froze for a second before grabbing her cup and finishing the rest of the juice. She cleared her throat then looked over at me with a pitiful excuse for a smile. "Not yet, but I'm hoping later on, he's busy enjoying his summer…he's not exactly interested in hooking up with his _old…friend…"_

The way she said the word 'friend' told me all I needed to know. She had feelings for Benji! I mean, it was totally weird given that she was like Mom and Dad's age, but Leanne physically looked Benji's age because she had only stopped a couple years back. She had silky, thick raven hair that stopped around her elbows, she had a curvy body like all of us Redbird women and she wore thin black rimmed glasses. Even with those on she was still very beautiful, a true Quileute beauty even if a little nerdy.

She was staring down into her cup and suddenly her sadness seemed so familiar. The drawn look that changed her face, it was as though she was mourning. Something just clicked in my head and I sucked in a breath of air.

"You…" but I couldn't finish the sentence as she stared at me trying to figure out what my problem was. "You…imprinted?" I whispered the last word.

Leanne's eyes were glassy now and she blinked so the tears wouldn't fall but I knew they were there. She nodded slowly and sniffled.

"I've waited almost twenty-four years…"

"Oh my goodness!" I was in total shock. She _had_ imprinted on Benjamin! He was soon twenty-four!

And ewww! How gross was it that Benji wanted ME who wasn't even eighteen yet! He was WAY too old for me! And he probably thought she was way too old for him!

"He doesn't know?"

She shook her head. Of course he didn't…Whoa, this was messed up.

"I know," She muttered. I hadn't realized that I actually said that out loud.

"Why don't you tell him?"

"I was waiting for him to want me first, to see me differently…that's how it goes, it's all about what the imprintee wants. But I'll always just be like a cousin or sister or something to him…it's what he needs from me. Nothing more…"

I shook my head. "If he knew I think he would want things to change, you're beautiful and you've always been there for him."

"But it's totally weird. It feels like he's my kid brother sometimes, I don't want to ruin our relationship but I can't do this anymore. I want to get married and start a family of my own. It's like being stuck in limbo, not being able to move forward. But when he finds out he'll be grossed out. I changed his diapers and saw him naked as a kid. He's going to freak."

"So you want to have an intimate relationship with him now?"

Leanne sighed and shrugged. "I want to move forward but I haven't really gotten that far yet. I need to figure out if he will ever want more from me and we can figure the rest out together or I can simply find a man who wants to marry me. I guess I just want to hang around this summer and see if he'll notice me as a woman and not a relative – which I'm not."

I nodded and then a thought struck me. "I think you should go to the beach and wear a really hot bikini, something with barely anything covering your assets. Take him to the club, wear a short sexy dress and flirt with other guys around." Leanne cocked an eyebrow at me and smirked. "Hey, I grew up with Josie and Destiny, I know a thing or two about catching a man." Josie and Destiny loved to watch movies and read magazines, they knew everything about being seductive and dressing to impress.

Leanne giggled at that, and I couldn't stop myself from giggling too. "I think it might work, just be confident and sexy to change the conversation. God I wish Leah was here so that I won't make a fool of myself," she mumbled as she rested her face against her palms.

I knew they were good friends, I guess they were closer than I'd realized. I didn't really know either of them as well as I knew the men of the old pack, I guess because both Leanne and Leah had left when I got old enough to bond.

"You'll be fine, it's Benji we're talking about here." All he needed was boob or ass action and he would fall in line.

"I know, I know…and thanks. Aside from the fact that I'm twice your age, you gave some good advice. I'll go shopping online and see what I can get."

Yeah it was totally weird. It was hard to remember that when she looked twenty-five. "Well, good luck with everything," I offered, but I really meant it, and selfishly I hoped she would get Benji to stop thinking of me in an intimate way.

"Good luck with everything for you too, I heard you imprinted with my new nephew, congratulations."

I stiffened but then nodded with a tight smile. I hadn't seen luck in a year.

"If it happened it was the right thing, Phoenix. Just give it a chance. You and Benjamin both need to focus on the positive and not the negative parts about imprinting."

I didn't need another lecture on accepting Jace into my life. Auntie Kim's and Grammie's words were already jam-packed into my brain and the guilt and uncertainty were eating away at my insides. I stood quickly and snatched my bag, words of escape instantly coming to mind. "Sorry I lost track of time, I've gotta get back home or Momma will freak out. I promised her we wouldn't be out for long." I called for Ruth to come with me as Leanne said goodbye. Grammie was still asleep so I'd see her another time.

Back home I was in the kitchen making something to eat while Ben talked my ear off. I wasn't in the mood for chatter but I took the opportunity to ask him about Leanne while he asked me about my relationship status with Jace. Thankfully a commotion from the hallway caught my attention and I followed the noise to see that it was Daddy jogging out the front door. Without thinking I just followed with Ben at my heels.

What was going on?

I heard the voices then and the tightness in my chest told me all I needed to know. The wolves were back. Jace, and Sammy were walking over to the pack house, laughing and talking about something. Tuari was heading our direction with Quil. They were bareback, barefoot and dirty. I couldn't help but focus on Jace. His muscular body was sweaty and overworked, but every muscle rippled as he moved. That little V that led into his shorts, the way his dark hair glistened in the mild sunlight, he was…

NO, he was _just_ Jace.

I pulled my eyes away from him before he caught me staring. I could tell he knew I was there too, but he didn't look in my direction and it made me feel restless.

Daddy and Uncle Quil were talking now and I wished I could hear what they were saying.

"It's just wolf stuff, nothing to get worked up about I'm sure," Benjamin tried to turn me around so we could head back inside but I planted my feet firmly. I wasn't ready to go back inside just yet. I found myself unable to move. For some reason I wanted Jace to just look at me. Even over the distance between us, I just felt as if I could read his emotions from here if he'd only spare me a glance.

As if he heard my thoughts Jace looked back and his eyes fell immediately on mine. My breath caught for a moment as a spark of warmth shot through me from that one little look. My gaze travelled all over his face. He was worn out, he seemed a little pale and his eyes had dark circles.

Yes, he and Leanne wore the same face.

Jace quickly turned away and his pace picked up. Within seconds he entered the yard of the pack house and was now blocked off by the shower area.

I felt a chill in my bones even though outside wasn't cold. He was definitely avoiding me because it was what I had wanted in spite of all the help he'd given me after I jumped.

"Come on, let's go." Benjamin finally got me to turn around, taking me towards the house again. I blindly went, absorbed by the guilt and regret I now felt. I met Tuari's gaze as he cut us off and entered first. He still wasn't happy with me at all and I wondered again what he knew about that night on the cliffs.

My brother went to shower and Daddy came in from talking to Quil not long after, his face drawn and worried.

"What's going on Daddy?" I asked, hoping that for once he would answer me.

He sighed and stared me in the eyes, debating with himself. "Benji could you give us a minute?" He looked at his adopted son, who reluctantly went downstairs. My father grabbed both my arms and rubbed them gently a few times before answering my question. "I don't want you to worry, that's why we haven't said anything. They've been trying to catch a vampire the last few days, but it seems to be playing some type of game. Jonathan, Adrian and Brady are going on patrol now. The boys are tired."

I instantly felt cold, from head to toe iceberg cold. My eyes flitted to the door and back to my father's face again.

I needed to…I needed to…I shook my head and wrapped my arms around myself, trying not to fall apart.

No I couldn't.

"Go talk to Jace," Daddy surprised me by reopening the door and practically shoving me out of it. "And be nice Nix." I dropped my mouth, ready to protest but Daddy just rolled his eyes and tutted. "Nix, baby, I know what it's like to reject an imprint. Honestly, it does more harm than good on both ends of the deal. But regardless, imprint or no imprint, sometimes you just need to swallow your pride and be there for someone who cares about you, regardless of whatever you think you might feel or know. Just talk to him okay? He needs you even if you can't see it, trust me, he does."

He actually wanted me to go to Jace? I thought he was happy with me keeping away from him? I really didn't understand that man sometimes. He was upset that I had left home the other night and threatened to kill Jace if he tried to get physical with me now he was pushing me to talk to him.

Still I turned and quickly walked across the lawn until I entered the Ateara House backyard. I knew that even though he was avoiding me, Jace needed me, he had told me as much himself. It was always there in his eyes. And honestly, he had taken care of me five days ago when I jumped off a cliff, and kept my secret; so why couldn't I just make sure he was doing okay too?

Jace was alone, toweling off his body with one towel while another was wrapped around his waist. The communal pack shower smelled fresh of forest and soap. It smelled of him. My body was suddenly filled with a warm feeling, and the tension I had felt coming over here, relaxed.

At least until he turned and looked at me, startled.

"Hi Jace…" I said quietly, feeling stupid now. What had I really come here to say?

"Uh, hi. Is everything okay?"

What he really meant was, "What are _you_ doing here?"

I nodded slowly in response. "Um, Daddy just told me about the vampire and he said to come talk to you…so…"

Jace's jaw clenched and his mouth pulled into a tight line. I guess that was the wrong thing to say even if it was the truth. "You don't need to come talk to me just because your father said so. It's okay, I'm…I'm fine."

I shook my head in protest. "No, I mean, I was concerned, he just told me to come. I wasn't sure if you'd even want to see me."

His face softened then and the sadness crept back into his smoky eyes before he turned away from me and walked to the clothes bin. "I always want to see you…" he muttered, but I still heard, and he sounded regretful about that. Something inside me swelled and I had to fight back the emotion that was literally pulling me towards his warmth.

"I just wanted to know if you're okay and I just hope you will be careful Jace, just…try not to get hurt, please?" he turned back to me, his eyes not hiding his surprise. He nodded; now holding a fresh pair of shorts and a white vest.

I stepped backwards. His body was just all in my face and I couldn't stop blushing. "Okay, well, um see you around." Overwhelmed by nerves I turned and hurried back home, not even breathing properly as I ran along.

"Phoenix!" his husky voice called out to me across the yard and I stopped and turned towards him, he was fully dressed now much to my relief. He jogged over to me and looked me in the eyes while shoving his hands in the pockets. "So um, how are you? Do you still feel, yuh know?"

Suicidal? I figured he meant. I shook my head. "No, I talked to Auntie Kim and she gave me a few suggestions to help me feel better."

"Are they working?" I could see the approval in his smoky eyes.

"Yeah, I mean, I think so. I'm just trying to find my way again, focus on what my future should be."

Jace nodded and sighed. "That's good Nix. I'm happy to hear it. Stay strong okay? I know you'll be alright."

I simpered and nodded. "Thanks, you too."

"Well, I'm going to get some sleep. Please be careful too, and stay out of the woods…"

A small smile pulled at my lips for a moment and I nodded my answer. Jace returned the gesture, then turned and started towards the door.

It was clear that we both needed to be okay for the sake of the other, whether or not we wanted it to be that way.

And in my mind one thing was certain, it was _too_ easy to care.


	25. Try

Thank you for your continued reviews "Guest!" Means a lot to me. We are entering the part of the story where Jace and Phoenix will finally connect and then of course, the bumps in the road will follow, so yes drama up ahead after some much needed fluff. This chapter is the prelude to the next two chapters.

No copyright infringement intended on Stephenie Meyer's work

Chapter 23 – Try

JACE

When I got home from patrol and my brief and awkward meeting with Phoenix, Embry was sitting in the living room with a very pretty young woman whom I recognized to be my Aunt Leanne. I had never had a real auntie before, and I was excited to meet her.

I held out my hand and we shook briefly with almost identical wide smiles. "You look so much like your father it's freaking me out!" she remarked with a giggle.

"Yeah, I know, but I think I got the best of it, personally."

We all laughed at my arrogance and got comfortable on the settee. They asked about patrol and what was going on with the vampire hunt. Embry had filled her in on how tough we had it now with only eight wolves. Patrols needed to be constant and doubled, so we were only getting a few hours break before we had to be back out again in fours. Sammy had been running the southern route with me most of the time. It was hard for me not to let everything that happened with Phoenix slip, but since we were on a hunt, I generally kept my thoughts focused on the environment around me, trying to find that disgusting scent. So the leech was turning out to be a needed distraction from my troubles.

But I was frustrated. This was the part I didn't like, I didn't want to be a wolf all day long. I just wanted to be a regular teenager who hung out with friends and had a girl who wanted him. This was nothing like how I expected my summer to be.

I was miserable.

"Earth to Jace?" I turned sheepishly to my father. "Leanne was saying that she's sorry you and Benji don't get along."

"Well if he didn't like Phoenix in a way that he shouldn't, I think we'd be cool. I dunno, we just didn't hit it off, from the start he decided he didn't like me and I guess the feeling was mutual."

Leanne sat frozen, looking at me with wide eyes. In fact, she seemed a little pale.

"What's wrong?" I asked. I knew she was close with him but I didn't think it was a big deal. She was like double his age or something wasn't she?

Embry cleared his throat. "Annie, relax okay, that doesn't mean anything. Paul would kill Benjamin for even having those sorts of thoughts anyways."

She broke out of her trance and looked at Embry with a hardened expression, now she was pissed. "But if it's not her then what about the next girl or the next? I can't do this anymore! I'm sick and tired of watching him with these stupid airhead college girls! Now _Phoenix?_ REALLY? I knew that what I did would come back to bite me in the ass, Em, but this is just ridiculous! You're lucky this shit never happened to you. Look at your sister, look at your son. Who's fucking happy?" She rose quickly, looking at me apologetically. "It was nice meeting you Jace. Sorry to leave so soon but I gotta go."

Leanne didn't wait for either of us to responded nor did she stop when Embry called out to her and told her she could use the spare bedroom anytime. She just stormed out the front door.

"What the fuck did I say?" I asked, feeling super guilty.

Embry sighed and ran his hand through his dark hair. "Fuck, I don't know if I should even tell you, it's been a secret for so long. No one knows from the new pack."

"What is it? I won't tell anyone."

"You can't let it slip in pack mind, Jace." Embry gave me a look of stern warning.

I grimaced and rolled my eyes, "Out with it old man."

"Look, she imprinted on Benjamin when he was a baby."

"What?" Gross. That was my first thought. Then I felt stupid for not figuring that out on my own, but honestly I just didn't remember that she had been a wolf too. It was weird thinking of females that way, as a big hairy beast.

"Yeah, he doesn't know about the imprint though, obviously. But she wants to tell him now, she's scared he'll reject her, that's what we were talking about before you came home."

"Oh fuck, sorry I messed that up. Phoenix doesn't like him that way though so she has nothing to worry about."

"It's okay, Annie just needs to step up if she wants to win his affection. Paul spoiled that kid and made him more arrogant than he ever had been growing up. Honestly, Ben's head is shoved so far up his ass, that's why he's never noticed her before. And she's too chicken to do something about it."

I nodded, not knowing what else to say. It must be a pretty awkward situation. Quil and Claire worked out, how come Benjamin didn't naturally feel the pull? I found it strange. And yet, it just proved that not every imprintee had to fall for the bond. There was no rule that imprints had to be together at all, and that was a daunting thought for me to have in my current predicament. "She said something about what she did biting her in the ass?"

'Humph, that part I definitely won't spill. Some events are better left in the past. Let's just say she did something bad when she first phased, and thinks that Benji not feeling the pull is her punishment for that."

"Fuck," I whispered. That seemed pretty cruel, so it must have been bad. "Wonder what I did then? Fucked up Chaney's car and his face? Made out with Bethany?" I scoffed and shook my head.

"You're a good kid, Phoenix will come around. I promise you."

I shook my head. I didn't want anyone to promise me anything. I'd spent the last four days convincing myself that I didn't need an imprint and I wasn't about to stop. I just couldn't or I'd go crazy. Not even her weird show of concern or attraction for me today I was allowing to convince me otherwise. I couldn't for my own sake.

"Speaking of, Annie said she saw Phoenix earlier. Phoenix kinda figured out that she was his imprinter. Annie has no clue how she did it out though."

"Oh." Crap, Nix probably hadn't told her anything about Benjamin's crush on her, hence why Leanne flipped out. Man, I really had fucked up things for my aunt. I knew firsthand how shitty it felt to have an imprint who wanted someone else. I needed to talk to her soon.

"Phoenix of all people, apparently gave her advice on how to make him notice her," he chuckled and shook his head. I didn't blame him for finding the irony funny, it was weird to think of my imprint talking about something like that.

I didn't want to think about her right now though. I was too tired, and the longer I sat there the heavier my body felt. "I gotta go get some sleep, I'm exhausted."

"Okay son. I'll make some dinner for when you get up. What time should I wake you?"

I looked at the clock on the wall and groaned. "In five hours."

It would never be enough.

PHOENIX

I woke up the next morning to the shrill of my cell ringing. I reached over and saw that it was Benjamin of all people.

"Why so early?" I mumbled.

 _"Because I need a favor."_

"What?"

 _"Will you come with me to the beach later_?"

"Why?" I sat up now, rubbing my eyes with my free hand.

 _"Because I just want you to come, please? We haven't hung out properly all summer, Nix."_

"Ben, you know that nothing can happen between us right?"

 _"Why? Because you were_ imprinted _on?_ "

"You know _why,"_ I snapped. I really didn't appreciate his tone, he was being a jerk at seven in the morning.

He groaned and I could feel him rolling his eyes. _"I promise Nix, it's not a date or anything of that nature, I just want you there."_

This just didn't seem right, he was acting too desperate. "Who else is going to be there?"

 _"Um, well, Leanne?"_

No wonder it was a favor. But he wanted me to go out with them when it should be her time to work her imprinter magic on him. Did he have a feeling she wanted him and was weird about it? But if I went Leanne would feel horrible, she'd find out about his "feelings" for me and I didn't want her to think I returned them.

"I don't think that's a good idea. You don't need me there and I think you'll offend her. She's important to you Benji, don't hurt her feelings okay? Just have a good day with her and try to make her happy. What's the problem?"

" _There's no problem it just feels weird. I mean, it's Annie."_

"What does _that_ mean?"

" _It means, she's always been there for me growing up, she's like my big sister."_

"And I'm like your little sister Benjamin, we hang out? I'm not following."

" _Arrrggh! You just had to go say that didn't you?_ "

"Well sorry to gross you out, but at least now you get my point!"

" _Ugh! Fine, fine, forget I asked, but we're going around one if you change your mind. I think she's gone shopping."_

"Alright. Have fun and just relax and enjoy yourself." I hoped she'd take my advice. Benjamin might not be easy to win over after all.

" _I will I will, it's not like a blind date or something_!"

I chuckled as I ended the call. Oh he had no idea. Obviously he was starting to feel something for her or he would not be weirded out at the idea of going to the beach with her! Or was it that he suspected her feelings for him?

I decided not to get involved with their drama before food. It made no sense going back to sleep, the house would be up anyways and I felt like having a big breakfast. Keeping on my white vest I pulled on one of my kimonos, my favorite which was white with green and yellow bamboo leaves all over it and denim shorts. I brushed my hair out and stuffed it in a messy bun then slipped on some hoop earrings. Auntie Kim said that I needed to make an effort to dress nicely and feel good about myself as part of improving my moods and depressed appearance. I could see her point.

I took a moment to appraise at myself. I looked tired and worn out - Still - But with good reason this time. I had the strangest dream about red eyes last night and me running through the woods.

Honestly, it scared the shit out of me. But I knew it was just my sub-conscious playing with me because of what Daddy said. There was a vampire close by but I knew that it would never get to me. The pack knew what to do to keep us all safe.

There was nothing to worry about.

But my dream made me jittery none the less. Why was the vampire playing games with the wolves?

Gone are the days when us kids knew nothing about the pack – besides Benji. Hmm, him being Leanne's imprint probably explained that part. Strange that they allowed him to know about the wolves from small but with us they waited until we were much older to say something. It was before Sammy and Tuari started to show the signs of phasing.

While we knew for years, now was different. We hadn't had vampire disturbances in La Push for most of my life, so having my brother and Sammy and Uncle Quil in danger made me feel nervous. And then there was Jace. I still cared that he didn't get hurt. I guess Daddy told me because I am an imprint and I have the right to know. I felt like he had actually treated me like a young woman and not his little girl.

I ran down the stairs to hear the sound of dishes clanking and happy conversation. Once I broke into the room my steps faltered as I watched Jace at the table. He looked really tired, but he seemed to be enjoying his breakfast while talking to Ruth. Not only him but Josie was seated next to Tuari.

"Good morning," the room chorused at me.

"Morning everyone," I tried to smile as I took my seat, noting how happy my mother seemed as she was practically beaming at me.

"You look nice!" She chirped.

"Thanks Momma," I said shyly.

"Sleep okay baby girl?" Daddy asked, and for a moment I forgot and started to shake my head before I quickly nodded.

"It was okay, thanks."

"Sure?"

"Yeah Dad, I'm sure." I honestly did NOT want to talk about the nightmare.

I leaned over for the eggs and toast, my hand brushing Jace's as he reached for the same slice of bread. A warm spark flew over my skin upon contact and my heart skipped a beat causing me to drop the bread.

"Sorry," we both chorused at the same time. I felt my face growing super warm as Jace smiled and picked up the bread and handed it to me.

"Thanks," I said shyly and dropped my gaze from embarrassment. Gathering my wits, I cleared my throat and continued serving out my food as if nothing had happened. I could feel everyone's eyes on us and it felt way too uncomfortable. And as much as I tried to act like we were both invisible, I could feel his warmth from across the table, knowing his apart from Tuari's easily. My brother's heat was scorching while Jace's was soothing.

 _Ugh,_ no. I shouldn't be thinking like that. Or should I? I was noticing Jace in a totally different way – a good way - and it was freaking me out. I just couldn't relax around him because I was finding him to be quite…attractive.

It couldn't be this easy to start feeling that way, could it? I knew it had to be the imprint taking captive ever since I decided that I would try to hang out with Jace to improve my moods.

I couldn't forget Auntie Kim's voice telling me that Avery was never mine and he never would have imprinted on me. Jace was The One, and he was right in front of me. I needed to accept him, it, everything.

I hardly paid attention to what was said at the table, focusing instead on eating to keep my nerves in check. With Jace in the room I was stoic on the outside but on the inside I couldn't seem to keep it together.

"Hey Nix, wanna come to the beach with us later?" Tuari asked, calling my attention to him. "Dez, Sam and Am are coming too. We can make a party of it." Ari wiggled his eyebrows and turned his puppy eyes on me and I shrugged. I didn't have plans for the day but I really didn't want to ruin _Leanne's_ plans.

"Don't you have patrol?" I asked out of curiosity.

"Me and Sammy got the day off to spend with our imprints, Quil felt sorry for us knowing we weren't getting to see Josie and Amber." I watched my best friend smile lovingly at my brother and the happy/proud way my parents watched them. It made me feel something in the pit of my stomach but I couldn't identify the feeling.

Well maybe I could, it was envy. They had patched things up so easily and now they were so happy.

"What about you Jace?" Momma asked. My eyes darted to his face involuntarily, so that I could witness his reaction.

He wasn't getting to see his imprint either…wait, was that why he was here for breakfast?

"I've got patrol as soon as I'm done here. Actually, I think I'll get going now. Thanks for inviting me Corrie, it was delicious."

I felt like he answered that way to prove to me that he didn't invite himself.

"You're more than welcome honey, I've missed you. I really hate that you have to leave La Push so soon - this month went by so quickly," Momma cooed at him with a sad face.

I froze at her words. He was leaving soon…

Jace nodded and tried to smile but his eyes were way too sad to pull it off. "I know, me too." He mumbled before throwing me the briefest glance as he stood up and went over to the sink. I forced my mouthful down and grabbed my glass of OJ so that I could hide my surprise.

"Maybe you can get someone to swap with you and patrol with us tonight?" Tuari insisted.

"I dunno." It was obvious that he was purposely trying to stay away from the pack and I wondered if it was because of me. Would he not want to go if I was going? I hadn't even said that I was.

"Well be careful out there honey, see you later," Momma got up and gave Jace a hug and a kiss which he awkwardly accepted before she sat back down.

Jace said good-bye to us all and I wished I had the nerve go talk to him. I could feel the stares on me again as he went out the back door. Under the hood of my lashes I peeked around to see Daddy giving me a concerned look, while Ari and Josie were both kinda glaring.

Great. Not this again. I guess they had wanted me to ask him to come.

"I hope Jacey will be okay out there. Is he by himself?" Ruthie asked our father. She seemed genuinely concerned.

Jacey?

"Uncle Quil is going to be out there too, so don't worry. He'll watch over him."

I dunno why but Daddy's words comforted me even though they were directed at a ten-year-old.

"Hey Nix, can I talk to you when you're done eating?"

"Uh, sure."

Josie's request instantly made me nervous. I didn't want to fight with her but I felt as though one was coming.

I got up and took my wares to the sink, and started collecting all the empty plates around the table so that I could load the dishwasher. Momma hated doing too much dishes, she had grown up doing it as a teenager for a large family and had proclaimed that her slave days were over. She got this dishwasher from Japan because it used less water than most brands – she still wanted to conserve even though we used the thing about twice or three times a day.

Afterwards I led Josie up to my room and sat on the bed while she kinda hovered around.

"You took down the pictures," she commented.

"Uh, yeah…"

"How come?"

I took a big breath and let it out, not knowing how to answer. "I….just needed a break from the memories."

She bobbed her head a few times and folded her arms. "You look a little better, I hope that means you've been really trying to move on."

"I'm just trying to take it day by day without crying or shutting myself in this room. Auntie Kim has been helping me, and I've been trying to follow the steps to come out of my funk."

"That's a good start Nix, I'm glad to hear it. So what about Jace? When are you going to start adding him to your daily routine?"

I sighed in exasperation and gave her the easiest answer: "I dunno." She really needed to stop pushing me. I should sic Auntie Kim on her for this bad habit. Maybe she needed counselling too.

"He's leaving really soon you know?"

"I'm aware." Wasn't I just at the same table?

"He's your wolf, why don't you get to know him a little better before then?"

I picked at my finger nails then, uncertainty swelling in my chest. "I want to but I don't know what to say to him…I've hurt him too much and he is upset with me."

"He's upset because he wants to spend time with you but he can't because you told him to move on with his life. Ari said he's been really down but determined to give you what you want. He's miserable Nix."

I could easily see that for myself.

"Don't make this harder than it has to be, you are overthinking it, you don't have to say anything in particular just say 'what's up?' and the rest will flow."

Tell that to my nerves whenever I'm around him.

"I'll try to talk to him soon." I managed to say reassuringly. It wasn't as if Josie had to convince me, I wanted the same thing.

"Good. I'm really happy to hear you say that. Trust me, it wasn't until I accepted the imprint that I truly knew what love and happiness felt like, I didn't realize that I was physically hurting without Tuari. You're going to feel much better if you spend time with him a little. And Jace has his own issues, he was pretty messed up before he even phased. He needs you to help him heal too, it's not just about helping you. We have a duty to them as much as they have one to us, we just never understood it that way before."

"What are you talking about?" I couldn't deny that she had caught my attention with that one. And come to think of it, Josie had told me the same thing at the memorial.

"His Mom, things are not good between them. Dad said that Uncle Embry is pissed at Valerie for not paying enough attention to Jace. All she does is work and she doesn't 'mother him' I guess. Jace has this void, I guess you could call it - he doesn't feel like he's important."

"That sucks." We all grew up with our parents and the pack showering us with attention. I couldn't imagine not having the love and support of my parents, even when I didn't want it.

"Yeah…you remember that night I brought him home from the bar?" I nodded. "Well, in the car he told me that you and his Mom don't love him. He said that he wants to make you better and he wants you to make him better. He really needs someone who will be there for him, Nix."

"He said that?"

"Yes, and that was before he even imprinted on you. From the start Jace has only cared about making you feel better. But he needs you too Nix. As much as you don't want to hear it, you need to help each other."

I sighed and rubbed my temples. She was not helping at all, only serving to make me more nervous about approaching him.

"I'm not talking about falling in love and all that. Just talk to him."

I nodded, but had nothing to say in response. I felt worried and anxious at the same time. The imprint was pushing me to talk to Jace but I was scared to try. If I was completely honest with myself I was scared that he'd reject me because I had been so selfish and unkind to him before. And what if I couldn't help him because I was too messed up?

"I hope you will come today though. We're supposed to have good weather."

"Yeah, I guess I'll see you guys later." Honestly, I missed spending time with my friends and being outdoors. I didn't want to stay in my room while they had fun.

Although we were on different levels with the whole imprinting thing now, I hoped that Josie and I could be good again after today. I wanted to just be normal around everybody after shutting myself down for the past year. I wanted everyone to be happy around me. I didn't want a room to tense every time I walked in.

The beach and I weren't friends anymore but today I felt like going for fun was something I needed to do to change the energy around me; that I could move on and do the things we used to love together, but without Avery. I would use today to put my steps of healing into practice.

I would be brave.

I owed it to myself to _try_ and stop finding excuses not to.


	26. No Fear

_Dear acouvion and "Guest" reviewers - thank you again for your reviews it really makes my day to know how the story is going for the readers. Feedback is important for writer's ego lol, even though I'm not actually writing it anymore. And Guest - I can't respond because your reviews are like spoiler alerts hahah! But keep thinking! I love it._

 _So this chapter is the beginning of Phoenix and Jace bonding. Next chapter is the beach day continued from his point of view._

No copyright infringement intended on Stephenie Meyer's work

Chapter 24 – No Fear

PHOENIX

I wanted to start the day off with a peace-offering so I made sandwiches for the gang. It was another step, letting my actions speak for my remorse and my willingness to make things right with everyone. It would be one of my aims today. After making the food I got ready and packed up my Wrangler.

As I drove to First Beach I couldn't help but think of Jace's misery, being apart from me and dealing with his family. I was SO TIRED of this endless cycle of pain and grief. I honestly needed to do better, not just for me but for him. I owed Jace that much after he saved my life. I could be friends with him couldn't I? Jace was nice, he wasn't pressuring me for more. Maybe there would come a time when I was felt attracted to him and would want to date him. We could take things slow, couldn't we? After Grammie's warning about me losing him and not being able to recover I was a bit terrified of the future. I couldn't deal with that happening to me again. It didn't feel right not to listen to her. Really, I had no choice but to make friends with my imprinter. Maybe he would show up and I would get the chance to really talk to him.

I pulled up to the beach and slowly got out my beach bag and the cooler of snacks and water. I was wearing a floral cranberry and white mini halter dress over my multi-coloured bikini. I had large dark shades to hide my eyes and my hair was swept up into a braided bun. Pulling the cooler behind me I walked across the warm sand to the group of people I knew were my family.

Destiny, Josie, Tuari, Sammy and Amber were altogether playing frisbee on the sand. I greeted them with a smile and set up my own little spot. They seemed surprised that I came at all, and with food at that. We chatted for a while, listening to Tuari and Sammy talk their usual nonsense about nothing – which was always stupidly hilarious. But then the imprinted couples paired off leaving me and Destiny to sit on the sand. She contented herself by flipping through some of her magazines while I pulled out my novel which was set on a Cherokee Reservation. I couldn't wait to sink my teeth into it. I was like Momma, she loved a good book, and in my room she had been dutifully stacking a pile of new books that she'd really enjoyed. But I hadn't had the appetite to read them until recently.

I didn't look at the imprinted couples. I avoided their hushed, loving whispers, the way they looked into each other's hypnotizing eyes. Yes, I knew too just how deep those wolf eyes appeared to be. I was already on page 40 when I heard my brother whistling and exclaiming with jubilation. They were all having snacks. I too had a bag of chips in front of me along with a bottled water. My book was going great so I was kinda lost in my own world, I was happy that the others just let me be while I soaked up the sun and salty air.

"You got off early?" Tuari asked.

"Yeah uh Zack said he'd cover for me so I could meet you guys."

My body stiffened and my eyes lost focus. Cool tingles ran over my skin raising the pores. Okay, so now his voice was freaking me out? I really had to get use to these involuntary imprint reactions.

"Sweet! Come on man! Hungry? We got shit in the coolers, help yourself."

I was totally caught off guard by Jace's sudden appearance. I should have expected him to show up, but I just hadn't thought of it while reading. Shit, I had no idea what to say or do.

"Hey Jace!" Destiny piped up and my gut twisted at her flirtatious tone. What the hell was that about? I slowly moved my head to the side of the page so that I could peep over in their direction. Destiny was smiling up at Jace ever-so-sweetly while Jace was rooting in the cooler. His eyes suddenly snapped over to my direction and he caught me peeping at him. In reflex, I quickly turned my head away, instantly heating up in embarrassment at being caught staring. My heart was racing so hard in my chest and I knew that all three wolves could hear it.

After a couple minutes no one said anything to me and I was able to get my pulse back to a steady, normal level. Since the others' voices seemed far off I assumed they were further down the beach and I was alone, but I didn't dare look. A throat suddenly cleared and I jumped, reflexively looking to see who had done that. It was Jace. He was looking right at me with a devilish grin on his face.

"Hi," he chuckled with a small wave. He was sitting in a pair of khaki shorts, no shirt and eating a sandwich.

I dunno why – or maybe it was because of his cuteness - but I immediately smiled back and put my book down. "Hi," I squeaked, being forced to clear my throat.

"Whatcha reading?"

"The Cherokee Princess?"

"Is it any good?"

"It's really good, but I dunno maybe it's a chick thing."

"Oh like a romance novel?"

"Yeah, but it's about the Cherokee as well so it's like a history lesson at the same time."

"Cool, sounds interesting. Maybe when you're done I'll take a borrow."

"You read?" I couldn't even try to hide my surprise as my eyebrows jumped.

"Uh yeah? Guys can read?" he seemed both offended and amused by my reaction.

 _"Nerdy_ guys," I mumbled but he caught my words anyways and laughed. But I didn't really mean that - it was what Avery would have said -he hated reading, said it was for nerds and losers.

 _Hmmm._ It was a difference between the two men and I didn't mind it one bit. In fact, it made me wonder if in the future Jace and I would read the same books and talk about them for hours. The prospect was very attractive to me.

"Mom always has the latest bestsellers on review at the magazine, she usually passes them along to Enid. Enid always forced me to read to her from a young age, for practice. Funny, she basically taught me how to read even though English isn't her first language. But she also used to say it would make me understand the world better."

"Aww. That sounds nice. So did it work? Do you understand?" I asked playfully, enjoying hearing about what I figured were happy moments from his childhood.

Jace snorted and shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe I should have read more vampire and werewolf fiction."

"Ha, maybe," I concurred.

Wow, we were actually having a conversation without me freaking out or melting down. It _was…nice._

"Did you read The Watchman's Time?" he asked and my eyebrows shot up with surprise.

I nodded and found myself smiling again. "Twice I think. It was heartbreaking. The movie was amazing."

"Yeah, I actually cried, but don't tell anyone or I'll deny it." He put a finger to his lips and smiled at me and my heart skipped a beat. Jace still looked very tired but his eyes were happy and the way he was looking at me said that it was because we were actually talking, like friends.

I fidgeted with my dress a little. I should have taken it off and gotten a proper tan by now, but sometimes the air was too cool for my liking as I wasn't being active.

"I'm leaving in a week you know…" his voice was sad now and he was making hearts in the sand and drawing arrows through them before dusting it away.

I pretended I didn't see and looked out at the water. The others were swimming and playing catch.

He was going back to his life. I didn't know how to respond to that, or how to feel. I thought I would be relieved, but instead I felt unsettled and nervous again.

"Do you wanna go in the water?" he asked slowly as if expecting me to say no. I guess I had ignored his last comment in favor of looking out at the ocean and so he was feeling vetoed already.

At the thought of his request I clammed up and rubbed my hands together. "Uh, um maybe I'll just walk down to the edge." I did want to feel the cool water on my feet and let them sink into the sand when the waves came in. I could handle that. I had promised myself to try to get back in the water and this was the first step.

Jace got up quickly and reached out his hand for me to hold. I watched it for a moment before taking it and allowing him to pull me to my feet. I tried to hide the shivers that ran down my spine, but somehow Jace knew he had affected me as his eyes didn't leave my shielded face. "I like your dress," he noted, his voice extra soft and tender.

Ugh, what was he doing to me? All these feelings inside. I didn't trust my voice so I just smiled shyly and dipped my head before pulling the dress off and dropping it on the towel. Jace inhaled harshly then coughed and turned away as we walked to the water. I was relieved to still have my sunglasses on so that he couldn't see my blushing face properly.

As the water brushed my toes out of reflex I hopped backwards as if it had burned me. I started to shake my head back and forth like a crazy person. "I-I can't," I said breathlessly. My heart was racing again, painfully hard and I couldn't catch a breath. Too many memories came flooding back at once.

"Hey, hey, Nix, it's alright, look at me," Jace was suddenly standing right in front of me, his warm hands cupping both sides of my face as he forced me to look up at his gray eyes. He slowly took my sunglasses off and folded them, then dropped them on the sand. I was about to protest because they were expensive but somehow I just allowed myself to be controlled by his gaze. "Deep breaths now," he inhaled deeply and exhaled, his eyes telling me to be obedient and mimic him.

I tried to follow his deep breathing rhythm, it was slow and patient - he was slow and patient. I found my hands sliding up the outside of his palms and winding themselves in his so that we were both cradling my face. I closed my eyes and kept breathing, listening to the sounds of his breath in tuned to the rumble of the waves crashing on the shore just behind Jace. They were like a lullaby, humming my fears away.

"If you want to go in, we can do it together, this time it's different okay? No one's getting hurt today, I promise. I'll pick you up and bring you back out if you get scared alright?" Jace's offer was so genuine that I found myself looking at him with trust and nodding readily. "Great, ready?" his thumbs lightly grazed my skin before he pulled his hands away causing mine to fall cold at my sides. His skin was so warm, it made me feel safe.

"Yeah," I croaked, then cleared my throat. Jace turned and started walking but I'd barely crept a few feet before pausing. Everyone had been watching us. The embarrassment flooded through me and I felt like bolting. But then the strangest thing happened: Jace turned and smiled at me and reached out his hand, and the way the sun shined on his hair and darkened red skin, made something stir in the pit of my stomach. Without thinking I reached my hand out and grasped his and walked by his side. My hand seemed to fit perfectly in his. He led us a little way's off to the left of the group, and I appreciated it. If I freaked out I didn't want all their faces on me – especially my brother and Josie.

The water was cold and I froze as soon as it hit my calves.

"Don't tell me you're scared of a little cold water? I'm sure the beach here is always cold. You're used to it!" Jace teased and squeezed my hand twice.

"True, but it's still _freezing!"_ How had I really jumped into this that night?

"Of course, right sorry -wolf heat," he seemed nervous about upsetting me and I shook my head.

"No it's okay I just need to suck it up and just do it. Right?" I looked at him with a nervous smile and he nodded thoughtfully.

"You know what, we're doing this wrong, we need a do over."

I pouted at his smiling face as he dragged me back up onto the sand and kept going. "What are you doing?" I asked as I scurried along trying to keep up with his long strides.

"We're going to run and dive –that way the cold will be like a rush, it will be the best feeling in the world, trust me."

I nodded. I had gone cliff diving before, but of course I couldn't bring that up. The thought of us in the water the night of Avery's birthday/death was certain to make me change my mind about doing this.

"Okay, deep breath, and on three. One two _three!"_ At Jace's count down we took off running, jumping over the small waves and taking the plunge head first. The icy water prickled at my skin and face as I dove deeper, releasing bubbles from my nose. My body lengthened and my feet pointed as I pumped my arms and swam under water for a bit before my air ran out and I kicked upward to break the surface. I blew my nose and pushed the hair out of my face before opening my eyes. I turned to find my bearings and saw that I had swum pretty far out.

"Impressive," Jace called and I jumped and spun around in the water to see him behind me.

"Thanks," I answered breathlessly. I was winded and needed to keep my limbs moving to stay above the surface. The waves were regular but not too high.

"You okay?"

I nodded and smiled, I was out of breath but definitely okay. The rush felt amazing! I couldn't stop the smile that spread my cheeks. "I'm okay," I stated, but more to myself than to Jace. I felt rejuvenated. I was in the ocean and I was okay – no one was dying.

"I'm really glad to hear you say that," he smiled genuinely at me and I giggled, embracing the euphoria. "This certainly beats the last time we tried swimming huh?"

I crimsoned and nodded my head, embarrassed. I had hoped that somehow he wouldn't remember that.

"Hey lovebirds! Wanna play or what?" I jerked my head to stare at my obnoxious brother with surprise. I couldn't believe he had just said that! Jace growled lowly beside me.

"Yeah come get your antisocial arses over here!" Amber added.

"Come on, let's go kick their butts, it'll be equal teams of two?" I couldn't say no to the competitive and hopeful face Jace was giving me. I so wanted to stick it to them too.

I nodded and pushed off, effortlessly gliding my freestyle stroke over to the others. Jace matched my pace easily and it actually was kinda fun swimming alongside him. As we reached the group, I immediately had to avoid the knowing smiles Josie and Amber were giving each other before turning to look at me and Jace with satisfied faces. _Ugh,_ they just needed to stop!

Tuari spelled out the rules of his ball-tag game he'd made up years ago and we split into our teams. By the time they were all surrendering to Jace and me (because I knew all of Tuari's cheats) I was laughing so hard I felt like a whole different person. I felt like me.

"That was fucking _insane!"_ Jace laughed and swam over to me when we broke up the game. He was so close that the water heated up and I felt my body relax. I hadn't used my muscles so intensely in a long time and I was feeling kinda sore, just like the morning after that night Jace had rescued me.

"It was fun, thanks for convincing me to get in." I dunno why but I felt like I had to thank him for how my day had turned out. I never thought this would have happened so quickly, but I had enjoyed the last hour or so with Jace.

Jace's hand reached over and fingered the ends of my hair that were swirling and floating around me in the water before his eyes met mine again. I was certain that his gaze was lighting my skin on fire.

"Thanks for letting me spend some time with you…" he whispered, almost too softly for me to hear. My heart gave an extra thump and I stiffened for a moment before setting my feet on the sand beneath the water.

I didn't know what to say as we stared at one another, his presence heating up everything within and around me. "I'm tired….w-we should go get warmed up." I pointed to the others who were already making their way to our stuff and Jace nodded.

As I walked up the sand, dripping sea water everywhere I felt a slight nudge and looked over to see him handing me my shades. I smiled and took them, sliding them back onto my face.

He had remembered. I couldn't stop smiling as I thought of how sweet Jace was.

"Hey, is that Leanne and Benji?"

My body froze as I turned and watched the couple walking to the beach from the parking lot.

I had totally forgotten about _that._

 _Funfact: when I was 5 there was an exchange student from Italy staying with us for a year, he could barely speak English properly but he taught me how to read better using the newspaper._


	27. Progress

No copyright infringement intended on Stephenie Meyer's work

Chapter 25 – Progress

JACE

We'd been having the perfect afternoon together until Benjamin showed up with my aunt. On top of his hatred for me there was that whole issue with him secretly being an imprint – the imprint of my aunt. Phoenix's mood change was instant as she hurried to dry her skin off. She was nervous or something, which I wasn't sure I understood the reason for.

She was a total knock-out in that bikini and I was having a hard time not staring at her chest or ass. She was not lacking anything in either department and her skin was simply perfect. She had been hiding her curves well in her regular clothes – in Avery's clothes. I grabbed two sodas and four sandwiches from the cooler and shoved half at her. She mumbled her gratitude and sat on her towel and I followed, positioning myself between her and the cooler. I didn't care if she wanted me to move, I wasn't going to budge. Benjamin had no right wanting my imprint when he belonged to someone else. I didn't want my aunt to witness what I had before, it was too painful and after all this fucking time she didn't deserve that. Benjamin was a prick for not realizing what he had in front of him all along.

"These are great, who made them?" I held up the half-sub sandwich at her and she immediately blushed.

"I did, after breakfast."

Wow, she had? No wonder I was enjoying them. "BLT's are my favorite, but I add a little ranch to mine."

"I love ranch but I never thought of that! Sounds yummy, I'm definitely stealing that idea!"

"It is pretty fucking amazing so be my guest," I chuckled and our eyes locked for a moment. So we both liked to read and make BLT's? Her special ingredient was honey mustard and maybe some kind of vinaigrette from what I gathered by the taste. I loved the combination of flavors. "So can you cook a lot of stuff?" I asked, needing to get to know more about her.

Phoenix didn't realize how hard it was for me to leave soon when a vampire was around. It was worse because she was my world and yet she was an empty space in my life. I needed to know about her, I needed a proper, detailed picture of my soul mate in my head to get me through this separation.

"Not really but I can make a few things. Like Daddy I love making sandwiches, sometimes we have little competitions and the family has to judge.

I grinned. That sounded like a lot of fun. Since I was a wolf, anything with food was a bonus. I had tried to keep her focused on me and no one else for as long as possible as we ate - but sure enough Benjamin and Leanne had walked straight over to us.

"How's it going, man?" Benjamin held out his arm to shake mine and I took it, holding him a little too tightly by mistake.

Sorta.

"It's good," I answered curtly, not even trying to run this game with him right now. He was clearly pretending that we were cool for Leanne's sake since he knew I was her nephew.

"Hey nephew," Leanne waved awkwardly and I got up and gave her a warm hug which seemed to make her relax a little.

"Wolf heat, I forgot what that was like," she looked up at me with rosy cheeks and grinned shyly.

"Yeah, sorry," I said guiltily.

"No it's okay, it was nice actually, thanks."

I nodded, and slid my arms around her shoulders while she slid hers around my waist. She was a beautiful woman and I wanted her to be happy just like I longed for Embry to find a woman to settle down with. Benjamin shot us a weird look, as if he was surprised that I was being friendly with my aunt whom I had just met. But even though we'd only met once and I had made her cry, I loved her already, she was like an older sister. I had never known this side of me existed and I wanted to cherish every moment I had with my father's family before I left. It was only Sam I hadn't bonded much with, but at least I had with his children.

"Sorry about what I said the other day, um, I didn't know about…yuh know." I whispered so Benjamin couldn't hear. Leanne looked up at me and nodded. "Nothing's going on with them, so don't worry about it okay?" She nodded again and I squeezed her shoulder before letting her go.

Leanne and Phoenix both seemed nervous as they exchanged greetings. Was it weird that my imprint was related to my aunt? Hmm, tight bloodlines. As I watched them make conversation, I remembered how Phoenix knew the secret too and had even suggested that Leanne basically parade herself in front of Benjamin. The problem was that with Nix around he might be distracted. He didn't want to see me and her together, so he'd be focused on that instead.

But I didn't intend to let him get his way today. No, today was MY day to be with Phoenix. I needed to get him to pay attention to the right woman.

"Come and set your stuff over here," I grabbed her bag and helped her lay out this huge mat she'd brought. Instead of helping Benjamin watched me with scorn and then flopped his backpack on top of Leanne's mat with a loud thump. He was such a dick. I'd put them in front of Phoenix so he'd be forced to keep looking back to watch us.

Leanne sat on the mat and smiled as she pulled off her black and white sundress and threw it aside. I immediately averted my eyes as she was wearing a black and white thong bikini. I could see the tiny V it made at the dip just above her ass-crack.

"Holy shit! Leanne! That's from the new Trudy Mitchell line!" Destiny exclaimed, standing there wide mouthed.

"You look so hot Auntie!" Josie added in awe while Sammy immediately averted his eyes in shock. Our aunt was definitely taking her task seriously!

"Really? Thanks girls!" Leanne smiled at them and turned her attention to her bag, pulling out some suntan lotion. She was purposely ignoring Benjamin and as I shifted my eyes to watch him, he was just staring at her with his mouth hanging open.

"Dude?!" Tuari called to him, holding up his hands as if questioning why Benjamin was being stupid or inappropriate.

Fuck, Ari was about to mess this up. Benjamin _needed_ to be looking at Leanne like this so he could get a clue."Hey Ari are there any more of the roast beef sandwiches?" I called out to him.

"Roast beef? We didn't have any roast beef?" he looked over at me totally stumped.

"Oh sorry man, I thought you said you had 'em." I had just pulled that outta of my ass. Luckily Josie took his hand and pulled him to take a walk on the sand. I heard her telling him how shocked she was that "quiet Annie" was putting it all out there like that.

Sammy and Amber were now on their towels taking a rest, purposely facing another direction, while Destiny and Leanne were busy chatting away about the best swimsuit lines out this summer. Phoenix was just sitting there looking at me, when I finally looked over at her. I hadn't focused on her since my aunt arrived.

She was looking at me with a knowing smirk. Without even thinking about it, I drifted over and sank to the sand beside her. "What's that look about?" I whispered.

"What were you doing just now?"

I smiled smugly. "Nothing, just helping to get the ball rolling a little."

Her eyes widened. "You know about the um.." she waved her hands around.

"Yeah, the big I."

She giggled and nodded, totally unguarded. She took my breath away when Nix allowed herself to be free of Avery – of grief, I meant.

Benjamin scowled over at us and was about to interrupt when Leanne flipped over on her stomach and held a bottle of suntan lotion in the air. Benjamin wordlessly took it, his eyes popping out of his head as they travelled over her bare back and ass. Yeah he was getting the idea alright. If I were her I'd rub some on him too, he looked about ready to burn up.

I chuckled to myself and looked over at Phoenix again to see that she was watching them too and trying unsuccessfully to hide her sniggering. Laughingly, I pulled her up and led her down the beach, her hand tucked perfectly into mine. I felt tingles all over my arm again like earlier when I helped her get in the water. What I loved most was that she wasn't pulling away, could that mean what I hoped it meant?

"I can't believe she's his imprinter and he had no clue all these years!" she hissed, although we should have been out of hearing range by now.

"Yeah me neither. I know he's your sorta-brother but he's a real piece of work, I hope he'll treat her right."

Phoenix pursed her lips. "He's not that bad…"

"Sure he isn't," I grumbled to myself, not wanting to argue over Benjamin's character.

"So she and Embry told you?" she asked.

"Well, Embry did. She's really nervous, and she's got good reason with his stupid infatuation with you." I rolled my eyes and growled a little, I really hated to think about that.

"It's harmless, he knows it will never happen," I was surprised at her tone, as if she really needed me to believe her.

"I don't like it," I looked over at her but quickly dropped my eyes and trained them on the sand in front of us. Ari and Josie were pretty far down ahead, making out.

Lucky bastards.

"Just ignore Ben," Phoenix muttered with slight annoyance.

"So how did you figure it out that she'd imprinted on him?" I asked, suddenly remembering how baffling that had been for Leanne and Embry.

She stiffened her shoulders instantly and looked away nervously. I noticed that she was nervous a lot lately. Maybe it was better than her being depressed though.

"Phoenix?" I asked with a tug on her hand when I realized she wasn't answering me. I hated when she did that, just ignored difficult conversations.

"I um, I just recognized the look on her face when we talked about him."

"The look? What look? Like love-sick?" I asked, wanting a clearer picture.

Phoenix shook her head and then her face turned sad. Why was she upset? "Not love-sick…" she said and looked back up at me.

"Sad then?" I comprehended.

"Yeah, she longs for him."

"And how did you recognize it?"

"Because I remember it. Ari was like that when Josie rejected him."

At the mention of the R-word I froze, stopping on the spot and just staring at her. She halted and pulled her hand away from mine then wiped under her sunglasses, giving away that she was upset.

"You remember me looking like that too, right?" I asked, feeling like I was just rubbed raw, and totally exposed. I felt so vulnerable and pathetic and it was frightening.

Phoenix nodded and wrapped her hands around herself. I hated when she did that. It was always a tell-tale sign that she'd push me away. I sighed and tried to calm myself down. "Look, I'm sorry. Let's not get upset okay? We had a great day Nix, one that I can think about when I'm gone." I pushed a strand of her brown-black hair behind her ear. Although she wore dark shades I could still see her two-toned eyes were watching me cautiously. "I think we had a great time together and I just don't want you to shut me out again, please." So much for me convincing myself I could be without her.

She dipped her head down and sighed, her heartrate sped up and I could feel her nervous energy. Was today only another glitch in the norm then? Would we just go back to ignoring one another? No, I couldn't let it happen. I tugged her chin back up with my index finger and forced her to look at me. "Phoenix we can be friends, it's not that hard, I think we proved that today."

I released her and she nodded reluctantly at me. I wanted her to smile or something to reassure me but she didn't. I groaned and ran my hands through my hair, tugging on the ends roughly til it made me growl.

"Jace don't get upset, _please,"_ Phoenix begged, stretching her hands outward and touching my arms. "I'm trying, I'm really trying. I don't want to hurt you anymore, please believe that. I'm sorry for everything, we can be friends. I want us to be friends, honest."

I tingled at the contact and regarded her reaction to the current that was now passing between us. She was definitely feeling the force that was pulling us together. I grabbed the back of her neck and nodded in a way that said that I was fine now, then pulled her forward so that my lips could graze her forehead.

"Thank you," I whispered. Her words meant the WORLD to me. She finally was seeing that there were two sides to this imprint.

"Okay," she mumbled, but her face appeared terrified.

I probably shouldn't have kissed her when trying to convince her I only wanted friendship. I stepped back and gave her more space and she did the same, avoiding my face now. But as she turned away I caught the blush spreading on her neck and her heart was racing. Had she _liked_ the kiss?

We continued to walk along the sand and talked about random stuff, like her life growing up in La Push, what school was like here. I told her more about how I was getting on as a wolf.

"What is your relationship like with your parents in Cali?" she asked.

"Uh, we don't really have a relationship…"

"But how can that be? They're your parents."

"They both work a lot. And when they're home they're still working or spending time in their offices or with each other. They do their own thing and I do mine, it's been that way for a long time."

"Does it bother you?"

I looked at her for a moment, noting that she really did seem to care as she worried her bottom lip with her teeth. I nodded and took a deep breath. "It bothers me a lot…when I started to phase I was angry at them all the time. I tried so hard to get their attention but they just shut me out. I became an embarrassment to them and I started to like it, because I figured if they hurt me I'd hurt them back. I don't really care about Brendon, my stepdad, it's more my mother that I have the issue with. For years I've been asking her about Embry and she never told me anything."

"It really sucks that she kept you away from him all these years."

"I know."

"Would you say that you've gotten what you wanted now though?"

I stopped walking and looked out at the waves rolling in and thought for a moment. Phoenix climbed up on a rock and sat on the flat surface. "I got a parent who treats me like I matter, whose interested in my life, who supports me. It's what I needed and I'm happy for that. Embry and the pack have really become my new family. I don't know if I could ever go back to my life before."

Phoenix's eyes widened when I said that.

"It's not just about you and me Phoenix. I hope you get it now – I'm not trying to force or rush anything between us. I'm not a threat to you and what you're trying to do where Avery's concerned. I need to be here right now, for me, I need my father and the pack. As much as I'm here for you, I'm here for me too. This place has become my salvation."

Phoenix met my eyes and smiled. I couldn't help but smile too. For the first time in a long time I felt as if things were finally going my way. With hope blooming in my chest I stepped over and pulled her to me and buried my nose in her hair. Phoenix returned my hold, tightening her arms around my waist with a quiet sigh. We just stayed there, her on the rock and me standing holding her. My wolf felt totally at peace. It had everything we wanted, needed, right at this very moment. Even if it didn't last longer than today I was content. I could pretend she was really mine and just hope that we were making progress.

"You okay?" I asked her when we parted. Her face was crimson and I could see the goosebumps covering her skin.

"Uh, yeah…"

"I'm sorry if that was too much…hugging?" Really I just wanted to know how she felt about physical contact.

"No it was fine…I actually, didn't mind." She was so bashful in saying that, it was adorable.

I nodded and said "Cool," but inside I was screaming and hollering "Victory!" while completing a number of pelvic thrusts.

We had been gone for a while when we finally turned back up to the group spot. Sammy, Amber, Tuari and Josie were grinning at us as if pleased that we had spent time alone, while Destiny was just watching us as if she wanted to know every detail about our conversation. But Benjamin, he was fuming and actually stomped over to us.

"Where the hell were you all this time? You've been gone for over an hour Nix!" he barked.

"Hey watch your tone!" I growled. He couldn't talk to her like that!

"We were sitting on the rocks down there, talking, what's your problem?" Phoenix gestured over her shoulder and sighed exasperatedly.

"You _know_ my problem!"

"You can't stop me from talking to Jace if I want to Benjamin, so just cool it."

Ari chuckled and my eyebrows shot up in surprise. She actually was sticking up for me, for us. I felt good, really good. But it was Leanne's crushed expression that caught my eye. She was standing there, watching Benjamin freak out over Phoenix.

I went over and pulled her into my side. "You okay?"

She looked up at me with tears. "He knows you imprinted."

I sighed. "He's just being an overprotective big brother that's all."

"I'm not so sure I believe that."

I sighed and let her shoulders go. "Look it's nothing, Phoenix doesn't want him and he knows that. She wants him to be with you too, you don't have to worry about her getting in the way."

Tears filled my aunt's eyes and she shook her head. "No, she's already in the way. He doesn't want me."

"No Leanne, don't think like that, you just need to try again."

She shot me a hard look and stomped over to her things, pulling her dress back on and packing her bag. She mumbled about how ridiculous she had been, walking around the beach half-naked in front of her nephews, niece and little cousins. She really had a temper on her.

Benjamin caught sight of her and ran over, asking her what she was doing as she threw his stuff onto the sand and grabbed her mat, trying to fold it back up without help.

"Just leave me alone Ben! Just fucking forget it!" she yelled, causing Tuari to whistle in surprise. Everyone was watching them in shock, not knowing the real situation.

"See you guys later," Leanne mumbled but looked none of us in the eyes as she trudged off to the car park.

"What the fuck is her problem?" Benjamin asked no one in particular.

I looked over a Phoenix who was looking up at me too, her sunglasses pushed up onto her forehead so I could see her eyes. She seemed sad and I shrugged my shoulders, showing her that I didn't know what to do.

Her expression changed to one of determination and she looked over at Benjamin with her hands cocked on her hips. "She imprinted on you, you idiot! And you're too stupid to realize it!"

My mouth dropped open as a collective gasp went around the group.

"What?!" Benjamin cried, his heart rate now dangerously fast.

"You heard me, she's trying to figure out how to tell you, but she wanted to see if you could like her on your own. She's not your big sister or your cousin – she's not related to you Benji! You need to get a clue and go after her!"

I knew it was wrong for Phoenix to tell him the secret but I agreed with her decision, Leanne clearly needed help. Benjamin was in a shocked state. I watched in amusement as he robotically collected his things and walked away, following Leanne's footsteps.

"What the fuck!" Ari exclaimed with a laugh, seconded by Sammy.

"All this time?" Sammy asked, to which Phoenix and I nodded. "And you two knew?"

"We only just found out."

"That's creepy! She's been like his sister since he was born though right?" Josie asked with a disgusted frown.

"It was no different with Quil and Claire, and look how they turned out," Sammy said to his sister.

"So what, it's sweet, she really must love him." Destiny said with a whimsical smile.

"I hope he won't be too grossed out. She's obviously had to wait a long time," Amber added and Josie nodded her head in agreement.

Phoenix sighed and turned to me. "I shouldn't have done that! It wasn't my place to say anything."

"I know but I think it was the best thing. He needs to know and she's too scared to tell him."

"Daddy and Momma are gonna kill me."

I chuckled and pulled her in for a side-hug. "You'll be fine. I bet the entire pack was sick of keeping that secret for so long."

"I dunno how they did it!" Ari laughed with a shake of his head.

Me either. But it had to have been her choice, and I hoped she had a good reason because maybe it had not been for the best.

Not long after I walked Phoenix back to her Wrangler and packed away her cooler. We stood awkwardly looking at each other while the others packed up their vehicles to go.

"Thanks for today, I had a great time," I told her. Phoenix nodded and said "Yeah, me too."

It was a simple goodbye, but it said everything. We had a great day, _together._

I arrived home with a smile on my face, still disbelieving that I had bonded with my imprint. We were friends now, at least I hoped that when she woke up tomorrow that she'd still feel comfortable talking to me. For the first time we had bonded without Avery clouding everything and I hoped it would last. I wanted to be free of his shadow.

"What's with you?" Embry asked from his seat on the couch. He was watching television with an empty bowl next to him. I could smell ice cream.

"Nothing," I answered lightly but my grinned stretched as I went to the kitchen to get some of what he'd cooked while I was gone. Yum, steak and seasoned potatoes, Embry's favorite and now one of mine too.

"You talked to Phoenix I take it?" I heard him behind me.

"Maybe."

Embry sighed in exasperation which made me chuckle. "Stop being so fucking cryptic. You hung out with her?" he asked. He reminded me of Ethan with his impatience. Fuck, I hadn't spoken to my best friend in a while.

I nodded. "We were at the beach with the others. We talked, hung out. I think we could be friends now."

"That's great J! I'm happy for you." He clapped my shoulder as I sat at the table to eat. "I'm glad she came to her senses before you leave."

I stiffened as he said that. Before I leave…now that I had gotten her to open up to me I didn't want to leave at all. It would ruin everything!

"Relax. You can do whatever you want to son, I'm going to support you no matter what."

"Thanks," I mumbled. I wanted to go to school. I wanted to fulfil my career goals. But leaving her behind just felt so impossible now.

XXXXX

I'd completed my patrol shift that evening and was dead to the world when a wolf call sounded close to the house, jumping me up and off my bed.

As soon as I hit the trees I was running at top speed.

The vampire's back! Tuari informed me.

Quil called out his orders and I headed east to try and head it off. The trail was fresh and they were certain that it was still out there headed towards Forks. A flash of something zoomed passed me up ahead and I caught the sickly sweet scent that made me gag. It was definitely the same one. I picked up the pace, knowing the others were close behind me.

I could see the leech now, but it was moving too fast, it was like a blur. Suddenly the blur stopped and became a still form.

It was a woman! She had blonde hair and crazy red eyes, she stood there, just watching me with a creepy smirk on her lips as I got closer.

 **Attack Jace! We're right behind you**. Quil ordered.

I didn't want to, but I knew I had to, this was my job.

 _Don't hesitate bro, think about Nix, your need to protect her_. Sammy was right, the thought of this leech hurting my imprint made me bare my teeth and lunge as I got closer.

The vampire let out a high-pitched shrill of a laugh and took off running again so I missed her. I pushed my body as fast as it could go, feeling and hearing the pack behind me.

We needed to end this, NOW.


	28. Close Call

Sorry but there are four more chapters of fluff before shit happens - which will stretch to the end of the story. So I hope you don't get too bored here in the center of things lol. Didn't realize it was so much as that's not really my style but I really wanted Jace and Phoenix to bond I guess. Anyhoo enjoy! Funfact, this chapter starts at day 32 since Jace arrived.

No copyright infringement intended on Stephenie Meyer's work

Chapter 26 – Close Call

PHOENIX

I had that nightmare again.

I woke up struggling to catch my breath as the image of those haunting red eyes swam in my mind.

I knew it wasn't real and that it had not happened but it felt real. I was able to see the vampire this time, it was a woman and she was scary as hell.

I looked over and saw that it was after eight so I decided to take a shower and dress for the day. But even the hot water did nothing to soothe me. I needed to get out of my head for a while, I needed to distract myself or I'd be thinking about that vampire all day. I just had this really daunting feeling that I couldn't shake about that dream.

But I didn't know what to do with myself. I knew I could call Josie but somehow she wasn't the person I wanted to spend time with.

The more I crossed names off my list the more one name in particular stood out.

I wanted to see Jace again.

Yesterday had been fun, I had enjoyed talking to him, laughing with him. I had taken Josie's suggestion to heart and I tried to be there for him, I listened to him and I let him get close to me. In the beginning it was hard but while we were talking alone by the rocks I couldn't deny that I wanted to spend time with Jace. I wanted to be close to him. His embraces made me feel soo good all over. Just allowing him to hold me made me feel like I'd climbed Everest or something. I felt good to see him happy with me – it was way better than making him sad or angry. Doing something for someone else was a good thing. I mentally and physically felt better.

When he kissed me on the forehead the sparks that ran through me were amazing. He was interesting and down to earth and funny. I could see that he genuinely was a great guy and he deserved to be happy for once in his life. He had so much to deal with, with his parents, becoming a wolf and meeting Embry, I wanted him to feel better about his life just like I wanted to feel better about mine. We both had things happen to us that we hadn't asked for, and for some reason I was beginning to feel like we could bond over that. For the second time since we imprinted I felt lucky to have him in my life. But this time I wasn't lucky because he had saved my life, I just felt lucky because he was a nice person – better than some other stupid wolf might have been.

I decided to bite the bullet and call him, for the first time activating the number that was stored in my cell.

 _"Hello?"_ he voice was muffled with sleep.

Shoot, I had forgotten how early it still was.

"Oh um sorry Jace, I forgot how early it still is before I called."

 _"Phoenix?"_ he asked, like a confused little child.

I chuckled. "Yeah, it's me, Hi."

" _Hi, what's up_?" he sounded more alert now which made me smile more.

"Nothing, I was just thinking about getting out of the house today, I was wondering if you were free?"

" _Um, no sorry I've got patrol. I have to get up and go soon actually."_

"Oh, alright." My heart dropped and I couldn't even deny my own disappointment.

" _I really wish I could say yes though, maybe later if you're still up to it?"_

"Okay, no worries. See you after, then." I tried to sound upbeat as I ended the call but I was honestly put out. I couldn't help but wonder if that vampire they'd been hunting had come back.

I went downstairs, the breakfast room was empty but I made a plate of eggs, toast and waffles which Momma left in the warming oven. I had just set my plate down when I heard laughing coming from outside. I got up and pulled back the curtain over the sink to see my mother and the Blacks sitting down chatting in the morning sun.

Uncle Jacob and Aunt Nessie were here!

I abandoned my food and ran out to greet my beloved godparents.

"Nix!" Aunt Nessie got up and waddled over to me with outstretched arms. Holy crap I had forgotten that she was pregnant with twins. One thing about my tribe, we knew how to sustain the bloodline!

I hugged her as best as I could with her belly in the way. Her skin was glowing from the sunlight and she was simply radiant. Aunt Nessie's red-brown hair was pulled back into a curly mass at the nape of her neck and she wore no make-up, not that she ever needed it. Her beauty was ethereal. Uncle Jacob came up behind her and pulled me in for a hug too, his wolf warmth immediately made me feel sweaty. He was the real alpha and was super big and also quite handsome. Josie and I used to have crushes on him as little girls.

"Hey uncle J," I smiled.

"Nixie, you're just getting more beautiful by the day, it's so good to see you."

"You too," I blushed and averted my eyes. Momma winked and chuckled at me. We all thought Jacob Black was handsome, but none of us would dear say it in front of my super-jealous father. Plus Daddy was just as handsome if not more anyways. But he was my father so I couldn't exactly crush on him now could I?

"Your Mom says you've been feeling better these last couple days, we're really happy to hear that sweetie," Aunt Nessie said, lightly touching my chin.

"Plus you've got a wolf now! Congratulations young lady, as it's my best friend's son I couldn't be happier for you baby girl," Uncle Jake said in his booming voice, his eyes sparkled with mirth.

"Yeah…" was all I could say. Honestly being congratulated on that was still weird for me. But imprinting was the most celebrated thing in the pack, so I understood that they couldn't help themselves.

"We still can't believe Embry has a son. My best friend, finally a dad." Aunt Nessie nodded excitedly in agreement with her husband's musings.

"Yes, from what Jace tells me they've been getting on quite well, but Embry I think is still having a hard time coming to grips with what Valerie did," Momma responded. "He's been a bit withdrawn, so you should talk to him Jake, I think he needs you."

"Don't worry he's high up on the list of priorities. Has he talked to her yet?"

"I really don't know - But Jace is anxious for him to."

I was surprised that my mother knew all of this already. Jace had only told me about it yesterday. It made me feel better that I had asked him about it, clearly it was something that Embry and Momma were struggling with too. I really wanted to meet the infamous Valerie and see the person who was causing so much heartache.

"You know it's not going to be good when that happens, those two always knew how to argue…fight." Uncle Jake grimaced as if remembering details of said disagreements.

"Well, we'll just have to wait and see," Momma shrugged and looked down in thought.

"Where are the boys and Sarah?" I asked, noticing now that the adults were just too quiet for comfort as they stood there.

"Sarah's across the yard by Claire getting her nails done, and the boys are at Jared's with Matty and the twins," Aunt Nessie answered with a beaming grin. [Matthew Uley, Asher and Hunter Cameron]

I nodded. Eddie and Will were the only boys who had phased to their wolves at young ages. Because their mom was half-vampire, the pack figured that was the reason their genes had been activated at such young ages. They always pretended to be wolves when they were much younger, as they knew the secret when we didn't. We found them strange kids, but once we knew about the pack their behavior didn't seem too weird anymore – just a bit fanatical.

Sarah was another story, she also looked much older than her six years of age. In fact, she looked like a mature teenager, she had taken after Aunt Nessie in that regard. It was because of their accelerated children that the Blacks had moved up North, to protect their identity. Sarah was super smart and inquisitive. She spent most of her time studying and indulging in music which I was told was something she'd inherited from her grandfather. We had never really become close friends, she was always too mature or weird or whatever…I really couldn't describe it, but we'd never clicked.

"What are you up to today?" Momma asked, seeing that I was fully dressed.

"Well, I'm not sure, um Jace has patrol but we might do something later."

"Oh really? That's great honey!" Momma immediately perked up and I couldn't help but want to escape now. I didn't need any pressure from anyone where he was concerned. We were friends, just friends.

"Oh Corrie, you're embarrassing her!" Aunt Nessie sang with a laugh.

"We're just friends!" I grumbled ready to turn and walk back into the house, back to my cold breakfast.

"We were all just friends in the beginning weren't we Jakey?" Aunt Nessie cooed up at her husband behind me.

"Not me and Paul!" My mother proudly proclaimed, and I couldn't help but gag. Thinking about those two as teenagers wasn't something I wanted to do. The way they acted now was as if they'd never grown up so I had a pretty good idea on how gross they'd been.

"You can't brag Corr, you and Paul hated one another before you finally gave in and trusted him," Uncle Jake laughed but Momma blushed with only a tiny smile being offered in return.

My eyebrows shot up to look at her.

"Oh it was just a few days or couple weeks before that happened, it didn't take long – not years like certain people."

"Hey, blame that on my controlling father! I wanted my Jacob by the time I was three." Aunt Nessie wore a gloating expression and Uncle Jake leaned in and kissed her.

My eyes popped out of my head. _Three?_ It was still weird to remember that my god-mother was half vampire, it was not something I would ever get used to.

"Oh brother, now you've gone and freaked her out. It's okay Nix, don't think about it too hard. Head on back inside honey." Momma grabbed me and walked me to the door, with a final squeeze of my shoulders she closed the door firmly once I was inside.

I wished I could hear more gossip about the past. They didn't really talk about when they were teenagers. While we did learn about the pack we didn't really know official details on the imprints.

I heated up my cold breakfast and quickly ate it, then realized that I honestly had nothing to do with myself for the day until Jace could get time off. After I finished I went upstairs and popped into Ruth's room and found her in the middle of princess dress up. As soon as she saw me I was roped into being the wicked step-mother who would try to steal her beauty.

It wasn't exactly what I had in mind, but hey, it would pass the time.

JACE

The vampire hadn't been back since we chased her to the sea last night. We had no idea where she'd gone to but we found no fresh trails. I couldn't help but think about the fact that Phoenix had actually called me this morning to hang out. It was the best surprise ever. I honestly didn't think she would be that willing to be with me. It felt really good that she wanted us to chill some more.

Upon realizing that I could do nothing but fantasize about being with Phoenix all day Quil let me off early to go be with her. Brady would fill in for me. Quil was watching one of the Littlesea boys showing signs of phasing soon. His cousin Collin had been in the pack before he moved away to Germany on some math scholarship years ago and ended up living there.

I went home and took a quick shower, throwing on some jeans and a button up plaid shirt with stripes of green and blue over a white background. I really missed my old favorite jeans that I had shredded after the memorial. I'd need to ask Mom if she could find me another pair – in fact – scratch that. I wasn't speaking to her right now. She hadn't even tried to call me since that day I was out with Embry, so I guess the feeling was mutual. I hadn't spoken to Enid in a long time either. It wasn't that I purposely avoided her, but between things being sour with Nix and being on patrol I never had time to think about California it seemed. It was horrible to admit but it was the truth. I didn't even miss my own family that much – except maybe Tyler and Enid. I had a whole bunch of parents and siblings here who treated me as their own, I was lacking for nothing.

I drove over to the Lahotes', it was just going on one in the afternoon. The weather was kinda cloudy so I expected rain, whatever Phoenix wanted to do would have to be indoors. I opened the door and called out "Hello?" into the empty foyer. It seemed so quiet.

"Jace?"

The sound of my imprint's voice sent a shiver down my spine and I instantly smiled at the excitement in her voice. She was happy I was here.

"Yeah!" I called out, only to hear her running down the stairs.

"Hey," she smiled as she stepped off the last stair, and I couldn't help but pull her into my chest for a tight squeeze. Her scent filled my lungs and my wolf made me hum in contentment. She instantly blushed and looked down and once again I felt happy that she was finally feeling the effects of our imprint.

"Ready to go?" I asked.

Her colorful eyes brightened and she nodded. She was wearing a long black skirt with a tee that had a pink heart on it, with a denim jacket. Her curvy assets were very much on display and I knew I had to stop staring so much. Her hair was slicked back but her bun was messy at the top of her head. I could see that she'd even made the effort to put a little make-up on. She looked really cute and I felt flattered, figuring that maybe she wanted to look nice for me. At least, that's what I was hoping.

"You look nice," I said and was rewarded with another blush.

"Thanks…"

"So uh, what did you want to do?" I scratched the back of my head nervously.

"Well, I was thinking maybe we could go watch a movie or something quiet?" the hopeful look in her eye was adorable, I would have given her anything she asked for.

"Uh sure, where?"

"Port Angeles? It's a little drive out but if you're up for it I'd love a change of scenery, I just need space from La Push for a little while."

Was she nuts? Of course I was up for it! I started nodding my head and leading the way to my car. "Did you get permission?" my eye brows shot up with the question.

"Yeah, Momma practically squealed when I told her we might hang out."

"What about Paul?" I grimaced, knowing he wouldn't be okay with this.

"She said she'll handle Daddy, so don't worry. He's in Seattle until this evening."

I nodded and tried to ignore the nagging feeling that I was gonna be in big trouble with him when I brought her back later though. I made a quick call to Embry telling him where I was headed and he wished me luck.

And I really needed it, because my biggest fear was that I'd lose Phoenix again.

The drive to Port Angeles was quiet here and there, but we did manage to chat a little more. She told me about the Blacks and I honestly felt weird about meeting the true alpha, I just felt intimidated. Plus he had a half-vampire wife, I didn't know how I'd feel around her. But Jacob was Embry's best friend, so it would be important to him if we got along.

We listened to music and realized we had similar tastes in songs which was pretty cool. When we got to the mall I parked as close as I could to the theatre and we took our time walking over. I could feel her nerves, but she had a pleasant facial expression and I could tell that she really was in a better mood, that she was ready to try living a little – at least for today. I was relieved.

We chose the new comedy that was bound to be lots of laughs – exactly what the doctor ordered for Phoenix in my opinion. She had insisted on paying for the tickets so I got us some popcorn, nachos and a whole load of chocolates and other crap for her. I still tried to maintain my diet as Paul suggested, we'd definitely have to go out for real food after the movie.

I tried not to think of this as a date because I knew it wasn't romantic or anything, but it felt really good to be out alone with my imprint – away from everything keeping us apart. The theatre was packed, we were lucky to find two good seats together. Apart from me needing more room to be comfortable, the guy to my left was annoying as hell, he had bad body odor and with my sensitive nose it was killing me. Nix offered to switch when she realized the disgusted look on my face but I didn't want her to smell like him either so I tried to ignore it.

Halfway through the movie I'd noticed Nix started to drift closer to me. I knew it was the wolf heat. Sammy had told me that our imprints are like magnets to our bodies, they follow the pull of the wolf which provides them with a special type of warmth and security. I wanted so badly to wrap my arms around her shoulders to keep her warm but I knew it would be too much. She had brought along a denim jacket anyways so I tried to shut my whiney wolf up by focusing on the movie.

Still, it was nice to know that she was comfortable around me. Ever so often I would glance from the corner of my eyes to see her laughing her head off and chucking popcorn and MnM's into her mouth together. She didn't like nachos so I'd polished them off before the movie had even started properly.

She wanted ice-cream as we were leaving the mall, from one of her favorite places. "You'll spoil your dinner," I scolded playfully. Her eyebrows shot up as she looked at me. "I'm hungry again, so I thought we could grab something before the drive?" I asked hopefully, even pouting a little.

"Do you like Mexican?" she asked with her own hopeful eyes. I nodded eagerly because I really did. "It's my favorite, I know a place we can go not far from here."

"Your favorite is Mexican?" I chuckled.

"Yeah, something wrong with that?" she asked with a little sass to her that I liked.

"No, just that Enid is Mexican."

"Oh cool!" she smiled happily. "I bet her food is delicious."

"She makes the best anything. She'd love you."

"Even though I'm sure you're biased, I believe you," She chuckled and I blushed a little.

"Maybe…a lot," I grinned again.

"Well scrap ice-cream, let's just go there now," she suggested with another genuine little smile that made my heart pump wildly.

"Cool." I was just thinking to myself that we'd had a good time so far when a familiar sickly sweet smell crossed my path and caused me to gag.

No, it couldn't be.

The vampire?!

I started to feel the wolf stir wildly inside of me and panicked as I scanned the area. I didn't want to phase here with Phoenix – in _public!_ This was sure to be a recipe for disaster. But my wolf instincts were all over the place, telling me to hunt but also telling me to protect our mate.

Phoenix definitely came first. I was practically panting for breath and increased my walking speed, taking her hand and pulling her along. My jaw was clenched so tight my teeth felt like they would shatter, but it was the only way I could feel like I was in control of the phase. I hadn't been at this for very long and I wasn't so sure if I would make it out of here without bursting into a giant ball of fur.

"Jace?" Phoenix asked, her face worried.

"We have to leave now, I gotta get you out of here." I tightened my grip on her hand and pulled her into my body so that I could be sure she was safe, practically jogging over to the car which was two rows away. Just having her touching my skin helped a little.

I unlocked it and shoved her in the passenger's seat before running around to get in. The smell was all over the outside of the car too. Fuck! Had it smelled my wolf scent while hunting in the area?

I pulled in and out of cars lined up to exit, not caring about all the honks I was getting. I just couldn't think of anything else other than getting out of there.

"What's happening?" Phoenix asked, in full panic mode now. She had one hand on the handle above her head and the other gripping the seat tightly. I hadn't even thought about the fact that I was freaking her out.

"I'm sorry – I-I smelled a leech, I just wanna get you home. I can't risk phasing out here, the smell was so strong."

"A vampire!" she shrieked and I nodded in response, biting the inside of my cheek. "Oh my gawd! We need to call someone! Let them know, it could be close to La Push!" Yeap, she was in full panic mode. The fear in her eyes when I looked over, saddened and angered me at the same time. Stupid leech was freaking my imprint out. She didn't have experience with the bad ones either.

I nodded as she frantically dialed her brother and told him what was going on. I was instructed to drive straight to their house without stopping along the way – as if I would make a stop! Luckily the gas tank was practically full.

An hour later we pulled up at Wolf Moon and Paul met us at the front door, pulling his daughter roughly into his arms. I was surprised that he was back already.

"You okay?" he asked her quietly.

"I'm fine Daddy."

He and I both watched her smile at us. Paul's face stretched with surprise as he realized that she was in fact in a good mood. He hugged her again and rested his lips on her forehead with his eyes closed, relief oozing from his expression.

Feeling awkward about peeping at their father-daughter moment I cleared my throat. "I'll see you guys later, I guess I should head to patrol."

"Yes, Quil is running the border with the others, they're waiting to hear from you."

I nodded and started to walk off when I remembered the car. "I'll be back for my car later. And uh, can you tell Embry I'm back?"

"Sure, I will, he's already on his way over to meet up with Jacob. We're having a little pack party later," Paul waved me off and before I went my eyes locked with Phoenix's. She seemed nervous or something so I asked her if she was alright.

Paul picked up that she wanted him to leave us and threw me a disgruntled look before heading inside. "Two minutes," he called.

"I'm okay…um I just wanted to say thanks for today. To be out of my own head was good."

"Is something bothering you?" That was the second time she had mentioned needing an escape so naturally I worried that she was getting depressed about Avery again.

"No, nothing serious, just bad dreams."

"You sure?" I didn't like the sound of that. Avery was likely finding ways to get between us beyond the grave. Sometimes I really wondered if he was a ghost loitering in the shadows.

"Yeah I'm sure. It's fine now. But I guess it's safer being on the Rez til you catch that vamp."

I nodded, I guess I should have known better than to leave town. Quil would probably be upset, but Embry hadn't mentioned anything about me leaving. "Sorry we couldn't get that food – it would have really hit the spot," I rubbed my empty stomach and grimaced.

"Maybe you can scare the vampire away with your roaring stomach," she kidded, actually making me laugh with her cuteness.

I couldn't help but want to be next to her. I took a few steps over, closing the distance between us. Looking into her appraising green-brown eyes, I reached up and cupped her jaw, lightly rubbing the baby smooth skin there. "You're gorgeous when you smile, I hope I can make you do that more often…"

Her skin warmed under my touch and she looked down at her feet, fighting a simper. When she finally got the courage to look back up at me, her eyes seemed to darken with worry. "Please be safe?"

I took a deep breath and placed a quick kiss to her temple which sent her heart into a frenzy. I couldn't help but be physical with her since yesterday, my wolf was so starved for its mate. "I'll be back later, I promise." I whispered against her skin as I took one final sniff of her scent.

She nodded and pulled away from me then, releasing her grip on my tee. I watched her go in and close the door before I took off running for the trees. I phased and was met with the voices of the pack. They had found nothing. I met up with them and told them what happened. Quil did disapprove of me leaving the Rez but he wasn't too upset. We were all stumped as to whether the vampire being there was a coincidence or not.

I was put to run Forks with Sammy and followed him along the now-familiar path close to the Cullen residence where the Blacks were staying.

Tonight was gonna be a long, hungry night.


	29. Pack Party

Things with Benjamin and Leanne will wrap up here as their story is not integral to the plot.

No copyright infringement intended on Stephenie Meyer's work

Chapter 27 – Pack Party

PHOENIX

I would always love Avery and he would always be my first love, but he wasn't coming back and I needed to live again and be happy. I _wanted_ to be happy. And after the last two days I knew that it was possible even with Jace in my life as my friend – maybe even because of him. I could only hope that I'd be able to keep this positivity up, but so far so good. What surprised me most was that I welcomed his affection. After shutting myself away from everyone it felt good to have someone hold me or plant little kisses on my head. His affection made me happy and I was surprising myself more and more by not wanting to run for the hills.

Jace and I had shared a good time in Port Angeles, and it sucked that our dinner plans were ruined by a vampire. What were the odds? I tried not to let it worry me but I really hoped that he wasn't in too much danger. The way he protected me, the way he only thought about getting me far away from danger really touched me. I panicked a little, sure, but I couldn't help but feel something stir inside as I took in his strong profile while he drove. His muscular arms as he gripped the steering wheel, the way he checked the mirror and kept his eyes peeled for any signs of the vampire. I felt like I could trust him to keep me safe. It was a big step for me to feel this way and for once I didn't pull myself back into a shell, worrying about Avery – who had no part in my life anymore.

Avery couldn't have an opinion on this, he was never coming back. I had to move on. It had become my new mantra since the beach. Swimming and having a carefree day had really boosted my confidence that I could be normal again.

When I left Jace and went inside I greeted Momma, the Blacks, the Camerons and the kids and I escaped to my room. Uncle Embry and the Uleys were supposed to be on their way over as well. I figured they would be having a welcome back party for the Blacks but honestly with the wolves out there, I wasn't in much of a party mood. I changed into a comfy long maxi dress and fuzzy socks and grabbed my Cherokee novel. I just wanted to read a few pages before I was forced to go mingle.

I was interrupted by a knock on the door. Auntie Kim came in with a plate and a mug. "I brought you something in case you were hungry. The food won't be ready for a while yet."

"Oh thanks!" I took the pb and j and mug of hot chocolate willingly, taking a big bite. Sucks Jace and I never got to go to dinner.

"So I thought we could have our little check-in now to see how you're feeling? Corrie told me you went out with Jace today?" I nodded while chewing. "Did you have a good time?" I nodded again and smiled. "Aww Nix, I'm so happy to hear that. How are you feeling now, about everything, about Avery and Jace?"

I swallowed and thought for a moment. "I'm taking it one day at a time…but I feel better, and honestly, Jace has a part in that. He helped me move past my fear of going swimming and we had fun just hanging out. I'm okay with us being friends."

I wouldn't admit that I found myself getting butterflies whenever he touched or smiled at me.

"And you're not feeling guilty or resentful anymore?"

I shook my head that I wasn't and it worried me for a moment. "Do you think this is all happening too soon though? Like, is this real you think? Or could I just relapse?" I asked her. Honestly I didn't want to regress, it would hurt him as much as it would me.

"Not if you don't think so, no. This is just how the imprint works Phoenix and it's nothing to be ashamed of, or to regret. The bond brought you two together so that you could be happy."

"Okay."

"I'm glad he is proving himself worthy. I think that you should concentrate on having fun more. Do something that makes you happy every day, get in some exercise and keep up the journal entries okay?"

"Yes mam," I said with a smile. I should definitely get back to boxing with Daddy. I knew he missed our special time together and the endorphins would really help to keep me in a better mood. Plus, my body was just too weak. I was determined to feel empowered and strong in every way possible.

Embry, Leanne, Benjamin and the Uleys had arrived time I got back downstairs. Destiny, Leanne, Aunt Kim and Aunt Nessie were busy chatting while the men all had drinks and were laughing and talking. The kids were all about in their groups playing around. It felt like Christmas in August.

"Phoenix!" Eddie shouted and ran over to hug me with his bulky frame, followed by Will. They had grown even more and looked older than me! Wow.

"Hey guys! Gosh you've grown!" While they looked older their attitudes were age appropriate, they were excitable to say the least, unlike their sister who was more reserved. They excitedly told me about some of the things that they'd been up to back up North.

Benjamin came over and gave me one of his famous brooding looks. "So you knew about Leanne?" he asked, pushing his dark hair back and away from his face.

"Only like a day or two before you, not long." He nodded and pushed his hands down into his pockets with a sigh. "Are you weirded out by it?"

He thought for a moment before shrugging. "Fuck yeah, but at the same time, not anymore…I mean, it was really shocking to hear you say that to me. I really don't like the fact that she kept it from me for this long – my whole fucking life. But once I realized what it meant, I dunno, it just started to click. Like it made sense, why we've always been close. Why she's my best friend even though I've never wanted to admit, she's the closest person to me. I do love her, I just didn't realize I could fall _in_ love with her too. I was so caught up in playing the field and having fun. I feel like such a dick for hurting her. I had no idea."

I was deeply touched by his admission. I almost couldn't believe that he was being so mature about it. I leaned over and wrapped my arm around his shoulder. "I'm happy for you Ben. You deserve this, so does she. I hope you guys will be really happy together."

"Thanks Nix, and I'm sorry for making you uncomfortable before, yuh know…it was wrong of me to think that we could be together. I should never have disrespected you like that, you're _my…sister."_ He said the last word like it left a sour taste on his tongue which made me giggle.

"So does this mean you don't _'love'_ me anymore?" I teased. "Has the Lahottie charm worn off?"

He grimaced and rolled his eyes at my use of my father's favorite word to describe the good looks of our gene pool. "It's not that I don't still think you're hott…I just know now that I've got to do better."

"Luckily I won't take offense at that. I'm really proud of you Ben. You sound like a grown up," I bounced his shoulder with a smile. Leanne certainly had gotten through to him alright. He sounded like a properly chastised child.

"I just want you to be happy Nixie, and honestly, I wish you and Jace all the best, I get it now. This whole imprinting thing, it's fucked up but it's not a bad thing. I'm sure he'll do right by you."

I raised my eyebrows at him and grinned. "Thanks Ben. I think we'll be okay…" Now it was his turn to look at me with surprise. I reddened immediately realizing what I'd said and just rolled my eyes. "You know what I mean…Jace is a nice guy."

"I hear you."

After our resolution I took the chance to escape and headed to the kitchen where my mother, Amber, Josie, Claire and Aunt Emily were busy with the food. I knew I'd find them in here.

"Hey can I help?" I asked.

"Of course honey! Just in time too! Come put these seasonings in the chopper for me. I want them fine but not too fine," Momma said.

"Nix, how are you dear? You're looking a lot better since I last saw you at the memorial," Aunt Emily smiled and wiped her hands before giving me a hug.

"I am doing better, thanks, I'm really trying."

"And that's all we want you to do hun, keep trying until it comes naturally." She ran her fingers over my hair and sighed. "I'm just happy you're doing okay."

I nodded and swallowed the burning lump of tears that threatened to rise. I could see the tears swimming in her eyes already. I guess even though our goal was to move on, it would still always hurt to think about Avery's absence. I busied myself with my task then moved on to the salad. I always loved to do the tossed salad.

I set up shop at the kitchen table where Josie was rolling out the plastic cutlery into napkins. Amber was making cake while Momma, Claire and Aunt Emily were working on finishing up dinner. Aunt Emily was the expert at cooking large amounts for the pack families. It always amazed me that she had these super huge pots and knew just how much to prepare.

"I heard you went out with Jace?" Josie said after a few minutes of awkward silence. She spoke low so that it would just be between us.

I nodded and continued slicing cucumber.

"How was it?"

"Good, we saw a movie and we were going to get dinner but then he smelled a vampire and we hurried back here."

She nodded. "You know usually you'd just tell me these things, I never had to hear from other people."

I grimaced. "It wasn't intentional."

Josie nodded and sighed. "I miss you, I just want things to go back to how they used to be."

"Me too Jose. I don't want to fight anymore. But I just need you to let me do this on my own. Me and Jace are not the same as you and Ari."

She nodded. "I know. I'll mind my business."

"Thanks. But I'm happy for you and my brother though, you seem really happy."

Her face instantly grew dreamy and she smiled. "Yeah, it's been great. It's like he's really maturing, I dunno, he's just not a huge pain in my ass anymore. He's really trying to be a man and think about our future."

"Future?" I was really interested now.

"Yeah, you know…thinking about getting us a place to live…his job.."

"His job? But he works with Daddy."

She nodded. "Yeah but he likes games, he wants to open his own gaming store, like an arcade but also selling merchandise. I think he wants to develop his own brand too. He actually wants to make a wolf and vampire hunting game."

"Wow – that would actually be pretty awesome." I could totally see my brother doing that. I admired that he wanted to step out of Daddy's shadow. We all had trust funds from our parents and Momma's maternal grandparents – the Hanovers – that we could make our own lives. I was sure Daddy would want to help Tuari if he opened his own business anyway.

"Yeah…I'm proud of him. I can't for this year to be over so I can be free of school."

"What about college?"

"I dunno…"

"What?" I was shocked, she had always had the idea about doing interior design. "Josie come on, you can't give up your dreams." This didn't sound like her at all.

"Oh I know... But Tuari wants to get married so we'll see."

"Married!" my jaw dropped.

Josie threw me a hard stare as I caught the interest of our mothers.

I smiled and shrugged at them both then turned my head back to my salad. I couldn't believe what she was saying. I was nowhere near having those kinds of thoughts.

Me and Jace? Married? It seemed weird to even think about.

"Do you think that's bad?" she asked a little while after.

"No…I don't it's just a surprise is all. It doesn't sound like you. I thought you were really set on moving away and going to school."

"That was because I wanted to get away from him. Now I don't."

"Well you can still do both, my mom did."

"Yeah I know. I still have to see what happens senior year. I just need to find good courses nearby."

"True." None of us knew what the next year would hold. "But please still go to school, Tuari will wait for you, we both know that."

"Yeah, I know. He wants to study so that he can have an active role building the games, so maybe we could go together. I guess I'm just caught up in the fantasy of playing house…"

I smiled at her, thinking that my brother must really have a magic dick for the strong-willed, independent-minded Josephine Uley to talk like this. It's that imprint magic, like Daddy always says.

Later when the food was finished, Sammy, Tuari, Quil and Jace shuffled in to the house all freshly showered and dressed in shorts and vests. Brady, Adrian, Zack and Jonathan knew that was their cue to go patrol, as they had stopped by after work.

I watched as all the wolves went to their imprints while Jace went to his father who was introducing him to the Blacks as they stood with Uncle Sam and Leanne. I couldn't help but watch the way he talked as Uncle Jake asked him questions about phasing and California.

"Let's eat!" Momma declared. We all gathered together while Uncle Sam said a prayer, asking the Spirits to protect the pack and the Rez from this vampire. He thanked them for bringing us altogether once again as a family, and to bless his son who lived with them now. I smiled, thinking of Avery being happy in heaven. For once I didn't want to cry and it was a relief. It was strange though, the worried looks I caught Uncle Jacob and Aunt Nessie exchanging when they thought everyone's heads were bowed. What was up with them?

The children were all rounded up to get their food served for them. I served Lissa and Ruthie, while Momma and Aunt Emily took care of the boys. Sarah was introduced to Jace by my sister and I found it strange that she seemed reluctant to talk to him. My wolf seemed to notice too and didn't push conversation with the hybrid girl. I found myself breathing a sigh of relief for some reason. It's not like I was jealous of the beautiful quarter-vampire half-wolf girl. It's not like she and Jace would have things in common and become best friends or something.

Wait, _My_ wolf? When had I started thinking like this?

After helping serve I got my own plate and headed out to the backyard where all of the teenagers had already convened away from the adults and smaller kids inside. I hadn't realized but Jace was close behind and took a seat right next to me. I looked over at him in surprise and he threw me a huge grin.

"Hey," he said, lightly squeezing my knee.

"Uh hey," I mumbled, feeling flustered by his close proximity.

"You okay?" he asked.

I nodded quickly. "A little tired, you?"

"Very tired, but I'm good – now that I've got this food and you, I'm great."

I felt my cheeks grow warm and looked down at my plate, ready to take the first bite. Honestly, I was happy he was back, if I was honest with myself I'd say I missed him. Jace had two plates which didn't surprise me, but his neat manners always did. The wolves tended to be such pigs but he always tried to be proper even though he did eat pretty fast.

"So did you find the vampire?" I whispered.

He shook his head and swallowed. "Well, we chased her but we didn't get her."

Her?

"Her?" I asked, feeling as if the wind had been knocked out of me.

"Yeah."

"O-Oh." I was afraid to ask if she was blonde.

No, this couldn't be the same one. It was just my paranoia.

I tried to enjoy the rest of my meal but my mind kept drifting to the vampire. It was ridiculous to think that my dream was real, the pack would never allow her to get me, I just needed to relax.

"So have you heard about Leanne and Benjamin?"

"Well, sort of, Ben apologized to me earlier for how he's been acting since you imprinted. I think he's going to give it a try with her."

"Oh he's already giving it a try!" Jace smirked. "They went on a date last night after the beach – apparently he kissed her."

My mouth fell open in surprise. "Seriously?" I asked in a low whisper.

"Yeah, she told me just now. It was a test to see if there was a chance for some kind of attraction between them."

"And?" I prompted, eager for him to dish.

"And it seems like all systems are a go."

"Wow, he conveniently omitted that little tid-bit of information. They got shit together pretty fast if you ask me," I mused. Imprint magic strikes again!

"Yup, I'm happy for her though, honestly, no one should have to go through what she did for so long. If only Embry could meet someone now, things would be perfect."

I was touched by how concerned Jace was for his father and aunt. It didn't even bother me that much that he was sympathizing based on his experience with me. I liked that he could be so caring rather than holding a grudge.

I looked into his eyes and he stopped drinking and set his glass down. The energy between us flared instantly and I could feel his wolf heat beckoning, telling me to come closer, to rest my hand on his arm, anything to make contact. I took a deep breath, unable to stop my heart from racing.

"What's wrong?" Jace asked, his eyebrows knitting together as his hand reached out and cupped my elbow. His warmth flowed through me upon contact.

I shook my head, dismissing his question. I didn't know what to say, how to express that I didn't know how I felt about him ? That I was scared to admit that I was possibly growing feelings for him? It had only been TWO DAYS. I couldn't say these things, I couldn't push this further than what it was right now, I just couldn't. It wouldn't be right to rush things. I wasn't even sure if these feelings were genuine or the imprint talking again.

"You can tell me anything, I don't care if it's not important."

"I know." I stopped and cleared my throat. "I - I just think you're a really nice guy Jace. You're honest and caring to everyone. It's nice to see. I dunno...maybe it's just weird to think about you leaving."

Jace grunted, his eyes wide with a mixture of hope and disbelief."Well, honestly, I don't want to anymore. I know I already have college and everything set up...but it would be hard. I'm not ready to go back."

"At the beach you said you needed to be here. If back home causes you so much pain and anger, you have to think about your wolf and what's safer." I reasoned.

His gray eyes softened as Jace stared at me, his hand dropped to his lap. "I wasn't completely sure that you wanted me to stay…I know this is still hard for you to be my imprint."

I shook my head. "It's getting better…honestly I realized that having you around helps me, Jace. I was too stubborn to see it before, but I had a really great time with you these last two days. I think it's better when you're around. It sounds really selfish to say that though…I mean…I don't want this to be all about me. I still think you should do what makes you happy." Me needing him around to feel better was selfish wasn't it? I still believed that imprinting didn't mean that he'd have to give up college. I could just hear Josie in my head telling me that I thought about myself first all the time. I didn't want to be that person anymore.

"I want to be here for you Nix, I want you to want me here too. _You_ make me happy, it's not one way. I was thinking about transferring to another school, but it's already so late in the game I doubt it would work."

I felt better knowing that I wasn't hurting him anymore. "You're probably right, but maybe you could start in January or something?"

"True, I guess it would be great to have more time to control this beast." He flashed me a crooked smile and I smiled back. I couldn't believe we were having this conversation, that I was admitting to wanting to spend more time with Jace.

"Yeah it would be." And I just wanted to get to know him better since I'd wasted the last month.

He then flicked the tip of my nose which surprised me and made me laugh. I quickly flicked him back and that only caused him to pick up a crumb of bread and throw it at me.

"Oh no you didn't!" I cried. I took up a piece of lettuce and dropped it on his hair which made him shriek like a girl. "Oh did I mess up your perfect hair?" I teased as he frantically ran his hands through it to make sure no food got stuck.

"Oh, you're gonna get it! You better run! I'm giving you a three second head-start!"

I shrieked and got up to run but I had hardly made two steps before Jace was grabbing me around my waist and hoisting me over his shoulder. "No Jace! I'm sorry! I won't do it again!" I screamed and begged, grabbing at his clothes to stabilize me. I saw the lit water of the pool come up and knew he was going to throw me in, I started to beg even more.

"Say I have perfect hair and you won't desecrate it ever again!" he said with a serious voice.

I laughed and could barely catch my breath as his shoulder was cutting off my air supply. "I won't desecrate the perfect hair!" I managed to get out between fits of giggles.

 _"What the hell is going on out here?"_

Jace and I immediately stiffened and he set me on my feet so we could both turn and face my father. "We were just um, playing, sorry Daddy," I explained breathlessly, giving him a sheepish smile.

Daddy rolled his eyes and shook his head, while Uncle Embry stood behind him grinning at Jace. I looked up and saw him trying not to smile too. He seemed rather pleased with himself. In fact they all did. I looked around the yard and sure enough the rest of the wolves and imprints were all smiling at us. Josie winked at me too.

They were happy because we were happy, me and Jace together, and I welcomed rather than resented the feeling.


	30. Simpatico

No copyright infringement intended of Stephenie Meyer's work

Chapter 28 – Simpatico

JACE

Since our conversation last night I couldn't stop smiling. Phoenix was open to me staying around in La Push, she wanted _me_ to be happy. I didn't want to jinx it or anything but I felt comfortable saying that things were actually progressing for us. She was starting to care about me. We were only going to get closer the more time we spent together. I knew I could make her happy, last night proved it. Paul was such a spoil sport – it's like he couldn't make up his mind if to be happy or sad about the imprint. Before I left with Embry to go home Corrie had stopped me and told me how happy she was to see Nix and I getting along. She believed I was just what her daughter needed and encouraged me to come to the house as much as I wanted to. As long as we stayed on the Rez, she wanted us to spend time together.

She didn't have to tell me twice. First thing when I got back home last night, I ordered some surf boards so that I could teach her to surf. Now she was comfortable being with me in the water, I wanted it to be something we could do every day together with no pressure, not like a date. The boards were scheduled to arrive by noon so tomorrow morning at dawn would be our first lesson.

I had patrol later tonight so the day was free. Leanne came over, so along with Embry we were in the kitchen making lasagna and salad for lunch – girl's choice. She was busy gushing about how things were going with Benjamin, that he seemed comfortable with them being more than friends.

"Well if you keep parading around in skimpy clothing I'm sure he'll be okay with it sis, he's a _guy_ after all."

Leanne narrowed her eyes at me and threw a piece of carrot at my head. "You told him about the bikini?!" she shrieked.

"You mean the scrap of fabric that was supposed to be a bikini? Hell yeah! I had nightmares!" Embry and I laughed and she scowled at both of us, her neck turning slightly pink.

"You two have the same laugh and same expressions," she mused, looking between Embry and me.

"Yeah?" Embry asked with a smile.

"Yeap. It really sucks that you couldn't have known each other before."

I nodded and tried to ignore the annoyance that would get to me whenever I thought about what my mother had done.

"But at least you have each other now right? I think it's great."

"Yeah, I think I'll keep him," Embry smiled and ruffled my hair while I rolled my eyes.

"And maybe I'll let you," I teased, fixing my hair back.

"What?" Embry asked, stopping his task of removing the pasta from the boiling water.

"You're staying Jace?" Leanne asked with equally wide eyes.

"I want to…I mean I think Phoenix would be okay with it."

"She told you so?" Embry asked.

"Yeap, she doesn't want me to make a choice that would make me unhappy."

My aunt and father looked at one another.

"What?" I asked.

"Well let's just say your father owes me a hundred bucks."

"You BET on me?" I doubled over laughing. "And you bet _against_ me? Why would you do that?" I asked my father as he fished the crisp green bill from his wallet on the counter and grudgingly handed it over to his sister.

Leanne kissed it and slid it in her jeans pocket with a gloating look. "You were never good at bets big bro, let's face it," She had to dodge the kitchen towel that came snapping out at her in retort before turning to me. "The bet was how long it would take before you told him you were staying – I bet one day your dad bet three."

I couldn't believe these two. "When did you have time to make bets?"

"Last night when we saw you and Phoenix laughing."

"Oh," a cheesy grin spread across my face as I thought of how unguarded she'd been with me.

"Oh take me now Spirits!" Embry cried dramatically to the ceiling. "I thought I had finally escaped imprinted morons but now I've got two new ones."

"And you love us so shut up!" Leanne giggled.

"Do you have any hot friends we could hook him up with back in Port Angeles?" I asked.

"You wanna set your dad up?" she looked at me with surprise.

"Yeah, I've always wanted a little sister, and I think he's a good catch, no reason why he should be single. Don't you agree?"

"I've been saying that for years, but Embry's stubborn he keeps thinking that she's gonna show up one day."

"But you can't imprint after you stop phasing?" I was confused by what her comment meant. Why would he be waiting on his imprint still?

"Just ignore your aunt Jace, she's being a numbskull right now!" but I didn't miss the warning look of disapproval he shot her as he turned back to layering up the lasagna. My aunt and I were finishing up the salad and garlic bread. I shrugged, knowing he didn't like to talk about his love life.

"God my thighs are gonna pay for this meal."

"Oh that's good, give you some junk in the trunk for Benji."

"Embry!"

I rolled my eyes at the playful pair, but I didn't want to hear about that, I still didn't like the dude.

The beeping sound of a reversing van alerted me to my delivery.

"The boards are here!" I shouted excitedly and ran out the front door.

The delivery guy reeked of cigarettes and I quickly tipped him and took my stuff. I tucked one board under each arm and took them into the house along with a bag of wet suits.

"Phoenix is gonna love this surprise! She likes sports you know?" my aunt told me while I eagerly unwrapped the plastic.

"She can swim pretty well," I said.

"And box."

I stiffened in surprised and turned to face her. "Seriously?"

"Yeap, she can," Embry seconded.

"Before Avery died she was more athletic. I think grief changed her body as much as her mind."

"Oh." I nodded. I hated to think about that. I just wanted her to be herself again. Let me see that side of her, like last night.

"Why don't you invite her over for lunch?" Embry interrupted my thoughts. I hesitated, instantly thinking that she wouldn't want to be around me, then remembered that things had changed. I found myself calling her number and holding my breath anxiously as it rang…

….Lunch was fun with Phoenix there. She and Leanne seemed okay with one another now that Benjamin got his head screwed on right. We had a barrel of laughs teasing Leanne about her tiny bikini and how she put Benji in his place. He was embarrassed about everything, that's why he hadn't been around the Lahotes' much recently which I found to be pretty funny.

After we ate Phoenix and I went to Embry's den and put on a movie. But honestly we didn't watch much before I couldn't take waiting to show her the surprise. I was waiting until she was ready to go and then make a joke about her forgetting something but instead I told her I wanted to show her something in my room and then we went inside.

Phoenix gasped when she saw the two boards. "Oh my gawd did you get this for us?"

"Yeah, I was thinking we could go out at sunrise tomorrow if you're up to it."

"Yes! Yes Jace I'm up for it!" Laughing, she jumped and wrapped her arms around my neck tightly and I lifted her a little while smelling her hair.

It worked, she wanted to spend time with me.

The next morning I was up before dawn, pulling on the wetsuit I'd ordered along with my board. I'd ordered a couple for Nix too, and hoped I picked the right size. I figured she was a small or medium so I got one of each and prayed they would both fit somehow.

I grabbed a muffin from the table which I knew came from the bakery Emily owned and quietly went out the front door. Just as I closed it Phoenix was pulling up in the Jeep, right on time.

When I got to the car she was waiting with coffee, yogurt, sandwiches and apples for us to eat along the way. She had on the dark purple wet suit and flip flops while her hair was braided.

"Is all this for me?" I asked with a smile.

"It was the least I could do after this surprise! And a muffin certainly can't be enough for you."

"Thanks, honestly I forgot about breakfast."

"Well I can bring it every morning if you want."

"That would be awesome." We smiled at each other for a second before she backed out the driveway.

 _Every_ morning? Hell yeah!

Somehow I just couldn't see myself getting on any plane back home anytime soon.

PHOENIX

"So I see this suit fit? Can both of them?"

I blushed a little at Jace's question and nodded. I still couldn't believe he had bought me wet suits and matching flip flops to go with the board. One set was turquoise and the other purple. Both sizes fit okay but the medium was a bit better.

Since yesterday I couldn't think about anything much besides the fun we'd had by the pool and then at lunch with his father and aunt yesterday. I found myself laughing and talking now, with other people not just Jace. I felt like a part of my family again. Yesterday Momma and I had gone shopping for an hour down by the summer festival at the La Push pier, just to get a few locally made snacks that Daddy loved, and to see some of the craft. She was part of the organizing committee and really wanted me to see how it turned out this year. I hadn't gone since last summer when Avery, Josie and I had brought our little sisters. Aunt Jody was there with pastries, bread and various herbal concoctions and of course Momma bought a few of everything to help her sell out. We bought matching shell bracelets and one for Ruthie who was spending the day with Claire, Lissa and Sarah.

It was after that that I went to the Call residence. I think if Momma could have busted with joy she would have. As an imprint herself she just wanted me to have what she had. And although it still made me nervous to think about being anything more than friends with Jace right now, I was more than happy to have him around.

I didn't expect the change to be so sudden, but I guess I was really ready to let Avery rest in peace now and to find myself again – either that or the imprint magic was that good. I really did feel as if I had lost a lot of me in the last year though. I had stopped doing all the things I loved – sewing, drawing, painting, boxing, reading…I wasn't me. But now my mind felt like the haze had lifted.

One of my favorite songs started on the mix I was playing. It was by U2 – With or Without You. Kids my age weren't supposed to know this old stuff but when you had a father who played music loud all the time you learned your favorites.

"I can't live with or without you…"

I turned in shock to see Jace singing the words.

"You know _this_ song?"

"Yeah," he grinned sheepishly. "My Dad – I mean _Brendon,_ is a huge U2 Fan. He's got all their albums – he even has a picture with Bono. He did some charity work with him – they're sorta friends to be honest."

"Holy cow! My Daddy loves their music too. He made this mix for me with all of my favorites from his old music."

"That's awesome. Oldies are the best in my opinion."

"Me too!" I grinned and started singing along, when we got to the loud "Oh oh oh oh!" part it was fun just belting it out at the top of our lungs.

We got the beach as the song ended and Jace grabbed the boards from my trunk while I got my big beach bag with towels and a change of clothes. We found a spot that seemed good enough for both of us and threw down all our stuff. I was already running to the water with my board when Jace called me back with a whistle.

"I know you're excited Missy, but you've got to learn how to paddle and stand up first."

"What?" I whined and pouted my lips. This was a total buzz-kill.

Jace laughed and tweaked the tip of my nose. "If you learn fast we can be in the water really soon."

"But the sun's coming up!" I protested.

"Learn it today and tomorrow we get here on time to watch the sun rise on our boards, deal?" his smoky gray eyes were so caring and sincere and I couldn't help but give in.

I watched as he lined our boards up and then flopped on his. He then showed me the correct way to paddle. I tried to keep a straight face but he looked like a giant baby doing a doggy paddle.

"You're not going to learn if you laugh Lahote. Get down on your board let's see what you got soldier!"

I laughed at his army man impression and saluted him at attention. "Aye aye captain sir!"

I felt like an idiot paddling on the sand but Jace was a good teacher, and he believed that I was a good student. He said my form was perfect.

"Let's hope you can have perfect form and stand on the board too."

"We can go in now?" I squealed, already jumping on the spot. The sun was already pushing above the horizon.

Jace rolled his eyes. "You're worse than a three year old I'd bet."

We grabbed our boards and raced to the water – of course he let me win. But I waited to see him dive in with his board and then mimicked his actions. I slid right off the board and landed on my face, getting sand all up in my grill. I couldn't open my eyes as I was trying to wash all the sand off first. I was sitting at the shore while my board bobbed around me.

"Shit! Phoenix!" Jace's panicked voice and the way I could hear him thrashing through the water made me burst out laughing. I had just face-planted in the sand on my first attempt at getting on my board, how was I going to stay on?

"You're seriously laughing when your father said he'd kill me if you got so much as one scratch or bruise? Can you get up? Maybe we should go home. Ari was right, why didn't I pick cycling or something safer?"

I laughed even harder then, he was so worried and I couldn't get over how I'd fallen at the simplest thing, it was all too funny.

"Nix! Stop laughing this is not funny! Are you hurt or not!" he scolded me with semi-annoyance. "Dammit!" Jace couldn't help but chuckle then while hoisting me up to my feet and looking me over on his own.

"I-I'm fine Jace! Relax muchacho!"

He looked at me in surprise by my choice of words. "Why did you call me that?" he asked while grinning, it seemed to please him.

"I remember you saying Enid calls you that. Random." He rolled his eyes and I could tell he was blushing a little.

"You should see your face," I grabbed his cheeks and mushed them around as I continued to giggle stupidly. But he was just too cute.

He rolled his eyes again with a tiny smile – as if trying not to encourage me then wiped what I presumed was sand from around my eyes. His touch was so warm that I stopped laughing at the shockingly good feeling that coursed through me. I sighed involuntarily as it totally filled me up from 'my hair follicles to my toe nails.'

We were so close, facing each other while our boards knocked into our feet because they were still connected to our ankles.

"You need to take this seriously, if you get hurt, that's it, your father will ban me from taking you out here and Nix, I can't lose you now I've -" and he instantly clamped his mouth shut and dropped his hand from where it had been caressing my cheek. But I knew what he was going to say.

Our eyes were just locked into each other and I couldn't even register my own breath. I could see how much I meant to him, he was being totally open in a silent way and it electrified me.

"Come on, let's get you in the water before you freeze."

I nodded and followed Jace robotically out into the ocean.

Did we just have a moment?

I think we did.

I tried to focus on nothing but the lesson which started with – How To Get On Your Board So You Don't Face-Plant Again. After a while I managed to get on my board and paddle into shore on a wave a few times without falling off. At my request Jace rode a few of the medium sized waves that came. He said the swells weren't nearly big enough for real surfing, but it was perfect for a learner like me because it was much safer.

I was fine with just learning how to paddle in for today, Jace insisted that I just master each step so that I don't get hurt. After my fall I was in no rush anyways. That really hurt! Sand burn is real. I knew I'd have a few scratches but they shouldn't be too noticeable.

The sun was actually nice and warm but I saw some dark clouds rolling in from out at sea. It was starting to get a little cold in the water already. Typical La Push, it rained every day. I could only hope that tomorrow morning I'd be fortunate to get good weather again.

I watched Jace paddle and boogey board on his stomach. I was just floating on my board lazily as my energy was totally spent. He was so graceful for someone so big, for someone who could turn into a huge wolf. His wolf was really nice and unique, light brown and black with just hints of gray like his eyes. I wondered if he had ever seen his wolf properly. It would be so funny to watch the wolves look at themselves like people would in a huge mirror. I could just see Jace looking at "his hair" now. He was so hair obsessed he'd need me to groom his wolf pelt! I tried not to snigger every time he would reach up and smooth it back from his face. He was such a model.

I giggled quietly to myself. I actually preferred when it flopped over a little. He had great hair.

"What's so funny?" he asked, paddling back up to me and then pushing up to sit on his board too. He had helped me get up on mine. Wolf coordination was pretty cool. It's like having your personal assistant for hard stuff.

"Nothing, just being silly in my head."

"Okay, I won't ask," he chuckled, "Are you ready to go?"

"Uh, yeah, sure" I answered but my eyes were roaming the huge body of rippling water behind me. The gray clouds looked like a celestial scene or something, but it was just the rain falling far out. The color wasn't as perfect as Jace's shade of gray.

Ugh, I was noticing everything about him now wasn't I?

"We'll come back tomorrow."

I nodded at his kind smile and followed Jace to shore.

Honestly, I wasn't ready for this to end.

What Jace had almost said was right, now that we had this time together, I didn't want it to stop either.

I was living again, and it was because of him.

Avery couldn't do this anymore because Avery was gone.

Saying those three words to myself didn't hurt as much as the last time…


	31. Exploration

No copyright infringement intended of Stephenie Meyer's work

Chapter 29 – Exploration

JACE

It was now our third day surfing.

As the alarm went off I rolled over and pulled on my wet suit, forcing myself to wake up. It was just before dawn, and Phoenix wanted to see the sunrise while out on the water again. It was apparently her new favorite thing. MY new favorite thing was watching her in a wet suit sitting on her board in the water looking at the sunrise, so I was good to go.

Phoenix was definitely a morning person. She sang along to old slow songs on the stereo while munching on our BLT's with ranch. I just ate with my eyes barely open, still managing to see all the early morning risers - some jogging, opening businesses or simply getting the newspaper and putting out trash.

I was feeling myself with the happy vibe that surrounded her like this when we were alone. It's like she actually wanted to hang out too, not just learn to surf. We were forming a solid friendship, I felt, and I genuinely cared a lot about her. Although I admired her body, sex wasn't on my brain like it used to be. What I had with her was nothing like the other girls, this was genuine, a mutual companionship. I wasn't using her to bury my issues, she was helping me get over them just by us being happy together. I was living a new life where people loved me in different ways, and it was the fucking bomb. Truthfully, I barely recognized myself, and I was glad. Maybe this wolf thing had been the greatest thing to happen to me after all. It brought me what I needed: love and family.

The early morning air was dewy and crisp and that mixed with her scent was what perked me up, not coffee. I knew it was only our third morning at it, but it felt like this was already _our_ thing, _our_ routine, and I hoped that it wouldn't change until the weather stopped us – and even when that happened I hoped we'd find something else that was just ours. Call me possessive or obsessed like Embry did, but this was the best feeling in the world.

But I dunno how she managed. I had really hot skin and even I knew that the water was freezing at this time in the morning. But Phoenix didn't care, she just wanted to ride waves and watch the sun. She fell the first three times until she got four good ones in a row. The swells weren't huge but they were big enough for a beginner to learn. I was worried that she'd hurt herself again but she was handling herself well, and she was a good swimmer. She had a couple scratches on her chin that I almost freaked out about when I saw her last morning.

By eight she was tired and so we piled up our stuff and headed home. I drove back so that Phoenix could just relax and recuperate. I think she over-did trying to stand on the board today.

"Ugh, my legs!" she moaned. "I think it's getting worse every day!"

"You're building muscle. By the end of summer you won't feel a thing, trust me." I reached over and gave her leg a slow rub and a squeeze with a smile then froze once I processed what I'd just done. It was a little too intimate for the 'friend vibe' we had going on. I pulled my fingers back as if she was the one with the scorching hot skin.

"Sorry! I dunno why I did that! It was just a reflex or something! I swear I'm not a perve, Phoenix." I looked back and forth between her and the road nervously. Phoenix's eyes were wide with surprise but her lips were trying to hide a smile. Like me she was blushing.

She giggled and shook her head. "Don't worry about it, muchacho."

I sighed with relief and flashed an embarrassed grin her way. "Are you sure?" I loved her new nickname for me.

"Hey, relax it was okay, I don't mind at all," she said chuckled, gently running her fingers through the top of my hair once. She had pulled the front forward so that it was tickling my forehead. I resisted the urge to push it back, as I noticed that she had the habit of watching me intently. It was actually a loving gesture and it made me feel that special warmth inside that I only felt around her. I wanted so badly for it to mean that she liked me back but it could have been sisterly or friendly affection too.

I smiled and nodded, randomly trying to play it cool. But as soon as she turned away I pushed my hair back.

"Hey let's go to the diner for pancakes! Turn here," she shouted excitedly while pointing her finger. "We're not really dressed but they won't turn us away."

I pulled on a dry t-shirt while Phoenix grabbed a flowing white dress that stopped at her knees. She pulled her wetsuit off to her waist, revealing the top of a bikini that barely hid her generous curves, then slipped the dress over it. She then pulled the wetsuit out from underneath and threw it in the back. Unfortunately, I had to stay in my wet bottoms until my heat dried them. We walked together into the establishment and everyone greeted her by name. One or two even called me by my name too! It was kinda cool. The only time I had been here was on my first night when I had gotten sick outside.

We got a booth and Phoenix ordered pancakes bacon and eggs for us both with more coffee.

"It's not as good as Momma's food or coffee but it's fun to eat out sometimes. Daddy and I used to come here a lot."

"Why'd you stop?" I asked.

"Well, I guess that was my fault…" She started, but by the way her face fell I knew she meant the grief. I suspected it bothered her. They were such a close family.

"You guys are so close, I really like that," focusing on the more upbeat part about the convo. I didn't want her to be uncomfortable now. "My parents both act like they've got sticks up their asses. We never had a thing we'd do together – unless you count them forcing me to go the country club." I snorted a laugh but Phoenix didn't seem to find it funny.

"I'm sorry," she said softly and in a sad way, her hand reaching over to lightly touch mine for a brief second.

"It's okay."

She looked at me with those piercing green and brown eyes as if she knew I was just trying to brush it off.

"Well my family is close but it can be annoying sometimes too – no privacy."

I smiled. "Your parents definitely needed a whole house to themselves for proper privacy."

She laughed, throwing her head back with a little snort which made me chuckle too. "Well, you know as Daddy calls it 'imprint magic' and all that!" she said in a sing-song tone and rolled her eyes.

"I thought you liked it though? I mean about them," I leaned forward, playing with the ketchup bottle. It was like being drawn to a flame, I just couldn't help but be close to her.

"I like it," she nodded and her face flushed. Her hands quickly reached up and started smoothing down her wet hair which made Phoenix smell like the sea.

I nodded and looked down, trying not to make this more awkward since we were imprints too.

"I don't think I was really thrilled about it hundred percent, but imprinting doesn't seem to be a bad thing…" I said.

"After the way I've treated you, technically, you should hate it." She admitted.

"I did for a while there…but it's like I've got you now, someone I can trust, someone I can be with and talk to…so it was worth it in the end because of what we have now."

"Yeah, I totally get that." She smiled and flushed pink again.

The food came then and after covering it in maple syrup, Phoenix told me about her theory that imprinting runs in the family.

"So imprints run in your Grammie's blood you think?"

"Well, that's what I have always hoped since we found out the legends were real, and it makes sense if I'm the fourth."

I knew she wanted to imprint on someone else so I didn't say anything to prolong this conversation. But she had other ideas. "Jace, I'm sorry I made this so hard for the both of us…"

"Uh, don't worry about it okay? As long as you don't shut me out again, it's alright. I forgive you." And I truly had.

"I won't I promise…"

My heart literally swelled with happiness and the wolf stirred contentedly. There was nothing I wanted more than for her to promise to always be there.

"You know Daddy wouldn't let Jonathan see us for the first few months after he phased. He was so terrified he literally had a gun when he saw us. Daughters are dreaded in the pack. They love us totally but they never want us to be imprinted on." She rolled her eyes with a smile. I took her little story as her way of trying to lighten the mood.

"I guess that's why he wanted you to go back inside the night I phased." I chuckled, thinking of Paul running Jonathan down with a double-barreled shot gun – he'd so totally do that shit! He'd do it to me! He 'dcertainly threatened me before. Now I knew that he likely had one hidden somewhere in the house.

"Yeah, that's exactly why. But I couldn't go, I was just really concerned about you." Phoenix looked down at her plate and pushed around the next bite before spearing it.

"I thought you couldn't stand me though, I was surprised. But I really wanted you there."

She nodded. "I guess on some level I knew that. Even though I didn't want you around because of what I was going through, I didn't want to see you upset. I know the wolf stuff is hard."

"It can be, but I think I'm doing okay."

"Yeah, you are. We both are…now."

I smiled at her, then she handed me her plate of unfinished breakfast. "The wolf will gladly receive your offering," I told her which made her laugh.

Hey, I was getting fucking good at that.

"For the record, imprinting is still a wonderful thing in my eyes Jace…I just wanted you to know that."

"Really?" I asked, and wanted to kick myself for seeming so desperate. But fuck it, I was.

"Yeah."

"It's not so bad for me either. What I thought it would be like, it isn't."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I thought I'd instantly have to love some girl or whatever. Yuh know, just become like this brainless wimp who followed her around all the time."

"And you didn't?" she asked teasingly.

I snorted. "No I definitely don't think that's how I acted, and you made sure about that."

"No you weren't, you respected what I wanted space and didn't pressure me, although it really sucks what I did."

"It hurt but I don't blame you. I still cared about you a lot, I'm drawn to you – even before I phased I had this feeling that you were special to me but I eventually realized it wasn't love yet. I really wanted us to be something more but the imprint showed me that I couldn't rush anything, I had to just slow down and let things progress naturally. I had to wait for you to be ready to accept me into your life."

Phoenix nodded and seemed too shy for words. I decided since we were having this talk to just get some other things off my chest.

"I know it didn't seem real to you because of Avery or whatever. I was worried that it wouldn't be real to me too because I was not the one you really wanted. I just didn't think it was fair to force feelings based on a supernatural bond. You clearly have feelings for someone else and finding out I was your soul mate didn't change that. And I respect that Nix, even when it hurts. But I don't want to be your second choice, or your settlement, I want to be your first choice if ever you want to be with someone again. I just hope you won't turn your back on the possibility of finding that magic again. I just want you to make room in your heart for me someday…I don't want to replace what you had with him." I shifted in my seat, playing with my straw idly. I wanted to give her something better than what she had with Avery to be honest.

I couldn't look her in the eye, I was too shy. This was uncharted territory for me to discuss.

She bit her lip and looked out the diner glass window. "You're too nice sometimes."

"Uh…sorry?" I grimaced, wishing I had not just talked so much.

"No it's okay. You've been really good to me and sometimes I still feel like I don't deserve it."

"Well you do, so stop being silly," I winked at her as I finished her plate. "I only want what you can give me freely."

Phoenix nodded, her eyes seeming to grow damp. Luckily her cell phone rang breaking our moment. And we both knew who it was before the booming voice came on the line.

"We're at the diner having breakfast Daddy, almost done." Phoenix assured her father we'd be back soon as I got up to leave. She stopped at the counter to pay up and we headed out the door. I didn't even bring my wallet and felt bad that she had to get the bill.

"Next one's my treat," I said as we walked back to the Wrangler.

"If you insist!" she rolled her eyes and smiled and I got behind the wheel again – driving without a license.

Phoenix flipped through her mix and we sang out loud to Michael Jackson as we drove along. In spite of the awkward conversation we'd just had, it was the perfect morning.

XXXXX

The next day Josie, Tuari, Amber, Sammy, Phoenix and I went on a hike to the summer lake. They wanted to go cliff-diving but I wasn't about to relive the horrors I had experienced with that so Phoenix suggested this instead. I knew Nix wanted to see the lake and seemed to want to be outdoors as much as possible. For me it was the perfect place for us to spend some time together. I was surprised that she got Paul to agree to this, but it seems that Corrie really was on the side of the imprint and getting us to bond.

Aunt Emily had packed us a big lunch which the guys and I carried in our backpacks so the girls wouldn't have to worry about anything but making the long journey.

I was happy to see Josie and Tuari smiling and laughing, talking, holding hands. It was a beautiful thing to watch. They looked almost as in love as Sammy and his Amber. Amber was a nice girl, very shy and a bit on the plain side when compared to Josie and Nix, but she was still beautiful, especially when she smiled.

After almost four hours of trekking through the trees and Nix giving us botany lessons which I found pretty impressive personally, we finally descended the hill that led to the summer lake. The girls shrieked and ran ahead when the water came into view and we fellas were right behind them. We all stripped off our clothes and boots and plunged into the cool, refreshing waters. The sun was out a little, casting a sparkle over everything. It was perfect.

"AH! This is the LIFE!" Tuari yelled to the sky making us laugh. "Still wanna move out here Nixie?" He asked while Josie climbed on his back for a ride.

"You know it!" she said.

"You wanna live out here?" I asked.

"Yup, remember the cabins I told you about that time? Well one would be for me when I get older."

I nodded and smiled. If the road was cleared, we wouldn't be far from town or the compound. It would be our own slice of heaven. I found myself looking around now, picturing our home surrounded by trees, us reading books by the fire or dancing around our living room. Us two, alone in the woods.

 _Oh yeahhhhh._

A giggle from Josie brought me back to the present and I could see she was actually laughing at me. I was day dreaming like a big goof. No one had ever said anything about me and her out here!

"You're so whupped," she mouthed at me and I scoffed, flicking her with water. But that was a big mistake because it then started a splashing war, and I had to run out of the lake in surrender. Tuari just didn't know how _not_ to take it to the extreme.

The sun peeked out a little from behind his big cloud that blew over and I took the time to just bask in it on the ground. I was a little hungry but would wait on the others to come out too.

"Mind if I join you?"

"Of course not," I patted the towel and smiled.

Phoenix gracefully sat down next to me in her one piece bath-suit (which looked fucking amazing on her) and sighed. "Today is so perfect."

"Yeah it is, it's great out here."

"Yeah, but I didn't mean that, I meant us getting to spend time together with the other imprints."

I was shocked she would actually be so open about something like that. "I think perfect doesn't even begin to cover that part."

"I honestly hated them, I was so jealous after Avery died…but now it's not so bad."

"How come?"

She shook her head. "I guess because I'm not alone anymore. The last year was so hard, I just couldn't see passed everything – the guilt, the grief."

"You're doing great you know…these past few days have been the best."

"Really?" she asked disbelievingly.

"Yeah. I wouldn't lie about it. You are allowing yourself to be happy now, and it's not forced."

"You're right. I'm done over thinking everything. Just one day at a time. Auntie Kim suggested I do something that makes me happy every day and so far it's working. I feel like one of those alcoholics going through steps or something. I need some kind of coin."

I chuckled at the analogy."Next summer I'll get you one for being happy for a year."

"Promise?" she smiled down at me.

"Yeap." I dunno why but I pulled her back to lie against my arm which was bent in a triangle as I had my hands behind my head to cushion it. She snuggled a little closer and I tried not to get too excited in my swim shorts. Her scent mixed with sweat and the water was very appealing to my wolf.

I pulled out my hand and gently stroked her hair as we just laid there staring up at the sky. Her hand hesitantly came up to rest on my chest. Her fingers traced the fine hairs there before playing with my wolf pendant. It was Embry's and he said I could have it. I felt that heat build up between us and silently wished she'd always touch me intimately like this. I took a giant calming breath and stared at the clouds, focusing on the little pictures they made to keep my wolf and thoughts in check.

We said nothing for a while, just enjoying this time together. I could hear the smacking and moaning sounds of the other two couples making out in the water and tried to shut my ears off. They were so lucky.

But I was lucky too. I reached over and pushed my fingers through hers and held her hand against my chest, stroking her skin lightly with my thumb.

"Jace?" she said after a while.

"Hmm?"

"I was wondering if…" she broke off nervously and my heart sped up in anticipation.

"Te quieres? What do you want?" I looked down at her two-toned eyes again and saw exactly what she wanted written all over her face. She wasn't staring at my eyes but at my mouth. Phoenix angled her head better and I cupped her jaw so that I could press my lips to hers. We tasted each other's lips for a few moments then broke apart. She buried her head into my neck in a bashful haste and I sighed contentedly.

That was fucking amazing. All three seconds of it.

"I wanted that too…" I murmured.

I could feel her smile against my skin, and couldn't help but lightly stroke the skin of her arm, satisfied when the fine hairs raised her pores.

"Never be afraid to tell me what you want from me Nix, I only want to make you happy. Te quiero…mucho." ["I want you very much"]

She nodded and I kissed her head, aware that the others were now making their way out of the water.

"Awwwww you guys are so cute!" Josie teased, breaking us apart as Phoenix blushed profusely and sat up.

I playfully scowled at her for interrupting us while the others laughed and grabbed their towels. "You and Tuari are even cuter!" I mocked, which caused Josie to stiffen and blush too. I busted out laughing and got up to pull her to me for a hug. She pinched my nipple really hard but that didn't make me let her go. I liked Josie, she was a firecracker. I pulled her a little ways away so that we could talk in pretend private.

"You and Ari are good together, what changed your mind?" I asked her.

She shrugged and looked down at the ground. "I guess seeing what happened to you and Nix made me realize how lucky I was. I just didn't want to fight with him anymore. I realized how ungrateful I've been for the last three years."

"As long as you put him out of his misery forever that doesn't matter anymore." I joked.

She nodded with a smile. "I'll try. So how are you holding up?"

I sighed and looked out onto the lake. "I'm trying not to freak out. But things have been really great the last few days. I hope I don't jinx it."

"You won't don't worry. I think you guys are gonna be just fine."

"Thanks."

"So are you gonna enroll here in Washington for college? We've got universities here in Washington you know?" she said cheekily.

"I know but I can't get in to one so late in the game."

She rolled her eyes and snorted. "Of course you can! Your father's loaded, he can pay a little extra to get you in somewhere, all you have to do is ask. Uncle Embry wants you to stay like the rest of us."

"I know but I think I'll just start in January."

"Good."

We turned and walked back to the others, Tuari immediately reaching for his mate while giving me a quick smile over her head.

Sammy and Amber were busy taking out the food from the back packs and I helped out, emptying mine of the sodas and snacks. We placed everything on a towel and just grabbed what we wanted.

The turkey sandwiches were delicious. I ate about five then grabbed a bag of pretzels which Phoenix shared with me. We asked one another about everything possible until Tuari yelled at us to quit already. He was such a spoil sport. After eating we all lounged around, paired off of course, and just relaxed under the beautiful summer sky. Tuari actually fell asleep and Josie went hunting for a spider which she placed on his face. He snored so hard that Tuari almost swallowed the poor thing, causing her to shriek in horror. When he woke up and saw what she'd done he chased her around until he finally decided to catch her and throw her in the water. She shrieked again and called him all kinds of names until he pulled her in for a kiss.

"Somethings never change," Phoenix muttered with a smile.

"At least they'll never get bored with one another."

"Ari doesn't know the meaning of the word 'bored' in case you didn't realize that by now Jace," Sammy joked and I had to agree. He certainly was the most energetic person I'd ever met.

When it was time to go I was informed that we'd be shifting to wolves so that the girls could ride us back to the compound. I was shocked, not thinking that it was safe but they all only laughed at me. So what could I do but comply?

We went into the trees a little and phased to wolf, our three minds connecting. I was instantly bombarded with the love and devotion my pack brothers felt for their imprints and it made me envious yet again. Phoenix and I were just starting out and it would take time for us to have that kind of relationship so I could only hope that we would get to that level too.

It was becoming obvious that I should not worry about school and just stay regardless of if I got in somewhere or not. And if Phoenix was worried about what would happen when I went back home, maybe it was a sign that I shouldn't take the risk.

And that's why you're my bro and I'm cool with you dating my sister, your heart's in the right place Jace. (Tuari)

I barked in response and lightly bit his tail with brotherly affection.

 _Just don't drop her on the way down_ Sammy joked which instantly made me scared to do this. _Relax! I was just kidding! She'll hold on tight don't worry._

They continued to laugh at me in our heads as we stepped out to the clearing where the girls were waiting with the backpacks.

Phoenix gasped when she saw my brown wolf and I quickly sat on my hind legs so she would feel safe to come closer. I lolled my tongue out and panted like a real dog would do which made her laugh.

"Who's such a good boy! Such a BIG boy!" she cooed playfully, making the other girls laugh.

 _ME!_ I barked in response.

Oh brother! Tuari groaned in my head.

Phoenix reached out and scrubbed through my fur, making me instantly purr like a fucking cat or something. I found myself lying on the ground so that she would keep doing it.

 _Behind the ears!_ I begged and somehow she knew that was what I wanted. God it felt so good.

Alright there Sparky, don't let your thoughts get too carried away there! (Tari)

"Come on you two! Let's ride!" Josie shouted out and waved her arm around like she was on a mechanical bull.

Oh yeah! That's exactly how she likes it! Tuari thought and a picture of Josie in a very uncompromising position suddenly popped up into my head.

 _WHOA WHOA HELL NO!_ I screamed mentally, whining a little.

He and Sammy of course laughed at me and I begged Tuari never to do that again. I wanted to burn the inside of my eyelids off to remove the image permanently. That was my cousin! The girls were wondering what was wrong with me but I was glad I couldn't answer them.

 _I t's my sister and he STILL does it to me all the time. Just ignore him. Ari literally can't help but be a dog._ Sammy said. Honestly I didn't know how he could stomach seeing his sister have sex in his head.

 _I think about Amber having sex with me instead._

I growled and threatened to tell Sam and Paul if they did that shit to me again.

OH as if they didn't do the same thing when they were wolves! Tuari scoffed.

Realizing I couldn't win this one I focused on the task at hand. I stayed really still on the ground while Phoenix walked around and slowly climbed on to sit just behind my front legs. She grabbed two fists full of my fur which didn't hurt and I slowly got up. She was so light I could barely feel her, which worried me. I didn't want to make her fall.

I turned and followed Tuari and Sammy, not in any rush to make it back to the compound. That would be the end of our day when that happened.


	32. Imprint Magic

Thanks for your reviews ladies! yes I had a bit of fun with the pack imprints in the last chapter. We have finally reached the last fluff chapter, hope I didn't bore you too much :P After this, let the drama begin! Will post Sunday or Monday.

No copyright infringement intended of Stephenie Meyer's work

Chapter 30 - Imprint Magic

PHOENIX

What was I thinking? Had I really and truly kissed Jace at the summer lake yesterday? Had I asked him to? What had literally possessed me to do such a thing!?

I had wanted him to kiss me because I wanted to know what it would feel like to share an imprint kiss. Since our chat at the diner I couldn't stop thinking about our future and whether or not I'd become his girlfriend. Plus, the other two couples were very open with their PDA, and I found myself curious. I found myself needing to be touched in some way that let me know that I could be in love again. Every imprinted couple was so in love…I had dreamt about how it would feel when Avery imprinted on me but that day never came. Instead I had Jace now, Jace who was devoted to me. Jace who wanted me to trust that I could love again, Jace who wasn't forcing me, but who was showing me that it was okay for us to be close.

I had nothing to lose, only a lot to gain.

The last few mornings together had been the best days of my life in a long time. And no matter how I tried to find fault, no matter how I questioned my actions towards him, it was getting hard to hold back from Jace. His heat bothered me all the time, pulling me to him, making me curious about what would happen if I gave in; and I guess I couldn't take it anymore when he tucked me into his side like that on the towel. It was such an intimate thing even though I knew he wasn't coming on to me.

The closeness. I just needed to be held and cherished. Jace made all the bad dreams and thoughts go away.

And admitting that to myself wasn't as hard as I thought it would have been all along. I didn't feel guilty, I felt good.

But as amazing as it was, as mind-blowing as our brief touch of lips had been, I was also horrified by the whole thing. This last week had been like a fairy tale or something, I was scared it was _too_ perfect. Jace was like my knight in shining armor. He just drew me in with his friendly ways. He was funny and caring and very patient. He could have fun and tease but he was never mean. He could be quiet and he could be really loud. Nothing he did ever bothered me not even the constant glances he'd send my direction.

His lips were so warm and plump. He tasted like mint.

Ugh, I couldn't get it out of my mind. I really, honestly couldn't.

I couldn't get the possibility of getting closer to him out of my mind. Part of me was pushing for it, the other part was scared shitless. A tiny voice lingered saying it was wrong and rushed, that I was forgetting Avery while a bigger part was saying that it was okay because he was gone.

I knew I was determined to be happy again, but was I moving too fast with him?

Was this too much too soon? Damn imprint magic. Ugh.

I wasn't undoubtedly sure about myself and my feelings for Jace and I wanted to be certain because he deserved it. He wanted me to want him back freely not by obligation and after what he said at the diner I was more conscious of that now. I didn't want to just fall into feelings because of a wolf bond. I wanted things between us to be real, maybe even a little magical. But I wanted to be conscious of my choices and be able to stand by them.

Most of all I didn't want to regret what I felt. I didn't want to use him.

Jace Montgomery scared me.

"That's beautiful honey."

My father's voice behind me made me jump. I turned to face him as he stepped into my studio. Jace had never been in here because I usually kept the door locked, but it was my room in the basement.

"Daddy I didn't hear you come in." I really didn't want anyone to see this piece. But I just couldn't get it out of my head.

"Is this Jace?"

I blushed and nodded my head, unable to meet my father's knowing eyes.

"Happy to see you doing something you love Nixie. These last few days with him have been good huh?"

I nodded again, still unable to look up.

"It's hard, watching my baby girl be with a boy, well it's hard accepting that your someone's imprint altogether, but it's giving you back to me and to your mother and that's all we want."

I felt pressured, like everyone was watching me and Jace and expecting us to become a couple. I mean, I couldn't deny that it was the end result for all imprints, but I had too many insecurities at present. I just wanted people to turn a blind eye to us and let us be. But I knew they just cared…

"Do you need to talk about anything? You know I'm here for you right?"

I thought about it for a moment. "When you imprinted on Momma, did you instantly love her?"

Daddy's eyebrows shot up and I guess I caught him off guard. He took a deep breath and I could see he was trying to figure out the best way to answer.

"No honey…I…fought against the imprint because I loved to date different girls randomly. I never liked the whole imprinting thing because I didn't want to change or be responsible for anyone. I didn't want to be tied down like Jared and Sam were. They fell in love instantly. So in the beginning no I didn't love her because of my own insecurities. But the love definitely grew fast. Once we both accepted that we belonged together, I realized that with her I was a better person, that she was the missing piece. With her I felt limitless and motivated to be much more than I was at the time – an unemployed foul-tempered wolf. Wolves imprint to make us better people and protectors, it gives us a reason to live. Every imprint is different but they are all special. It's up to each couple to figure out why that person is their other half. Why do you ask?"

"Jace and I were talking about it that's all."

"Are things serious now between you two? I thought you were just friends." He seemed so scared of the answer I couldn't help but laugh and hug him around the waist. Daddy was still dressed in his work clothes and smelled of his spicy cologne.

"Relax Daddy. We just talked about imprinting that's all."

"Are you happy he's your wolf?" I froze at the direct question. "I mean, you're painting his picture. So I was just guessing that maybe you're more open to the possibility of a future with him… _way way way_ in the future."

I rolled my eyes as my father grimaced. No one could frown or put on a mean face like ex-boxing champion Paul Lahote. "I'm happy he's here. I'm enjoying getting to know him for now."

"That's perfect honey. And you can get to know him for at least another ten or twenty years, okay? No pressure." My father tucked my head under his chin and just held me for a little while. I couldn't stop smiling at his overprotectiveness - and I knew he was being totally serious too. For a boxer he was such a pansy, he never wanted to share his girls with anyone else.

That's why I loved him. Family always came first in the Lahote household - not money, not pack, us. I had forgotten how much my parents meant to me. Jace's situation made me value them even more than I ever had.

We chatted a little more as he told me the latest he'd heard from the Sheridans, his close friends over in Oregon. Old Mr. Sheridan had passed away a few years ago, he had been Daddy's mentor for years. His sons had children we were friends with growing up. We used to spend time during summer on the Sheridan Estate. That place was sprawling and gorgeous, with its own stables. Ari and I loved learning to ride the horses. We often begged for our own as kids but neither parent wanted that responsibility. Now that I was older I could understand. They'd have to hire people and clear a lot of land to keep horses happy and healthy.

When it was just me again (after making a date for boxing the next morning with Daddy) I sat and looked out the window for a while, watching the green of the trees, the blue of the sky and the white of the clouds that floated there like fluffy puffs of cotton. Today just felt so serene and there was nothing to get me down. When I felt like this I always painted.

In a positive mood I continued working on Jace's wolf, adding the colors from my window to the scenery I was building around the mythical creature that was my soul mate. Riding on his back had been terrifying but a lot of fun too, I hoped to do it again sometime.

Thoughts like these still shocked me.

XXXXXX

I grew tired after another two hours and decided to grab something to eat. Jace would be finished with patrol soon and I was hoping he'd come over. Anticipating his arrival I decided to make a shepherd's pie and salad. Momma had already planned dinner for the family and encouraged me to do something special for the two of us. She decided for me that Jace and I would use the family room and watch a movie. As I cooked I heard her bustling around in there from down the hall and wondered what she was up to. By the time everything was finished and I had set out the cutlery and drinks on the counter I was sweaty and in need of a shower.

I went upstairs and jumped right in, using my favorite vanilla wash to scrub from head to toe.

I scooped my hair up into a high ponytail and applied the tiniest hint of eyeliner and clear lip gloss. When I padded back into my room I went to my underwear drawer and pulled on a black strapless bra and matching black boy shorts. After dressing in my favorite purple maxi dress I found myself impatient for him to get here.

I splashed myself with lavender mist that Grammie taught me to make and made my way downstairs. When I got to the kitchen I almost tripped on my own toes when I found Ruthie and Jace at the island counter mixing some sort of dough or batter.

"I'm making cookies for dessert! And Jace is helping!" Ruthie said with a huge smile. She had spots of flour on her cheeks and as Jace smiled over at me I saw that he had a smudge on his forehead too.

"Nice! What kind?" I walked over, relishing in the way Jace's eyes travelled over my body as he stood there frozen at my appearance.

"Chocolate chip, DUH!" my sister answered but Jace and I never stopped looking at one another.

"Corrie already put the food in the room for us, she said to tell you when you came out."

"Okay," I smiled. He was wearing a t-shirt that was a mixture between blue and gray with khaki cargo shorts. As usual the colors matched perfectly with his eyes and skin. I walked over and leaned against the counter watching them mix, not expecting Jace to lean over and kiss me on the cheek. I instantly blushed and tried not to giggle like a little girl – like Ruthie did at that precise moment.

"Okay, lollipop I think this is done, let's put it in the fridge now."

I was impressed that Jace knew what to do, but then realized they had a recipe book on the table which was getting dirty. I grabbed the plastic wrap and handed it to him and started to clear away the mess to the sink. I rinsed and set the utensils into the dishwasher, then wet the counter rag and cleaned it.

"You don't have to do that, your dress might get dirty," Jace said behind me and swiped the cloth as I turned to face him.

"Don't be silly," I told him with a smile but let him wipe up anyway. Plus it was not too bad watching the muscles in his arm pump as he did.

"I set the timer Jacey! Will you come help me when they're ready?"

"Of course I will, I'll take the timer inside with me and Phoenix and call you when it's ready okay?"

"Okay!" Ruthie ran off to the stairs to go up to her or Momma's room.

"You're really good with her, I guess you were serious when you said you wanted a sister."

"Yeah, I was, but I'll settle for stealing yours." Jace rinse the cloth and dried his hands before sauntering over to me. I rocked on the balls of my feet, suddenly feeling extremely shy, especially when I thought about the kiss we'd shared. Jace slid his arm around me and pulled me to his chest for a hug. "You look really beautiful in that dress." He voice was husky and kinda sexy…

"Thank you," I couldn't help but blush again and tried to hide it as we parted ways.

I led the way to the family room and stopped in shock. Momma had moved the couch back and set up a huge blanket with giant pillows on the carpet with the plates, glasses, drinks and food. There was even a small bowl with rose heads, no stems. The lights were dim and the air on, the remotes ready to go.

"Oh _Mom,"_ I sighed under my breath. She had done a wonderful job setting the mood, but now it was really feeling like a date.

"You didn't know she had done all this?" Jace asked with a smirk.

"Nope, not a clue."

He chuckled and took my hand, pulling me over to the blanket. "So what movie did you have in mind?" he asked, picking up the remote and navigating to the latest movies.

"Um, I actually hadn't gotten that far, I figured we could just check out the options."

"Sure."

We both leaned back on the pillows, which were pushed back against the couch and I quickly submitted when Jace reached over and pulled me closer, tucking me into his side. I liked being there. He was like a giant teddy bear or was it teddy wolf?

The timer went off too soon and he gave me a quick peck on my forehead and promised to be back in a jiff. It wasn't a problem with me as I knew that he and Ruthie deserved their bonding time, even if it was cutting into ours. They really cared about one another and it was attractive to me. I liked seeing Jace with her, he was adorable.

About five minutes later I heard music blasting and couldn't help but go investigate. When I got to the kitchen doorway I doubled over laughing. Ruthie had brought down one of her dress-up hats and put it on Jace's head. She was wearing a rainbow feather boa around her neck and they were dancing to one of her songs. Jace smiled and called me over but I shook my head.

"Oh no, I'm just here to watch, sorry I don't have my phone to show the pack."

"You wouldn't!" Jace said with horror and ran over to me, tickling my stomach. I started to shriek but he wouldn't let me get away. The cookies saved me and I watched as he put on Momma's oven mittens and pulled another tray of cookies out and set them on the cooling racks.

"Can I have one?" Ruthie climbed up and took a huge whiff.

Jace blew on one from the other sets that came out first and handed it to my sister.

Momma breezed into the kitchen just then and I wasted no time. "Hey Momma can you help Ruthie with these so that Jace and I can get back to our movie?"

My mother looked between Jace and I and smiled smugly. "Of course, you two lovebirds run along."

I rolled my eyes and thanked her, pulling Jace by the hand.

We settled on the blanket again and I served out the food. Jace had chosen an action drama which had a set of popular actors and actresses we both liked. Something with heists and car chases – the best types of movies to watch as it would have romance, action and comedy.

"This is great," Jace said as he took another bite of the shepherd's pie, nodding enthusiastically.

"Thank you," I flushed a little and tried to ignore the butterflies invading my stomach in response to his compliment.

After we ate Jace and I shared the cookies that Ruth had brought for us on a plate. Momma had to come get her again as she had tried to settle herself on the floor between us. I was beginning to think my little sister was jealous. Still it was cute.

During the movie I allowed Jace to cuddle me closer. His warmth was perfect against the cool air circulating the room since my back and arms were bare. I was lying on his chest while his heart thumped away under my right ear. It was melodic. Jace was playing with my hair and the gentle stroking mixed with his wolfiness made me sleepy. I couldn't help but release the giant yawn that rose in my throat, causing Jace to chuckle.

"Movie's almost done then you can sleep," he told me, his deep voice causing his chest – my pillow- to rumble.

"It's okay, I'm fine," I insisted but my voice was barely a whisper.

"Thanks for tonight Phoenix," Jace murmured while placing his lips against my hair. He picked up my hand and pressed our palms together, before weaving together our fingers. "I love spending time with you."

"Me too."

"Maybe we can do something tomorrow?" he suggested.

I nodded. I had been toying with the idea of him meeting Grammie finally. I was ready for her to meet him, I was ready to face everything that was given to me now.

I had changed or rather, I was changing. I was once ashamed to admit that there was in fact someone else ready to take Avery's place. I realized tonight that even the physical contact was easy and didn't feel like too much. All he wanted was to be with me and I welcomed that because Jace made me smile and feel content.

I missed Avery, I always would. But I felt more ready to live my life without him. I was ready to heal and a little voice deep inside was saying that Jace would never let my heart break again.

With one short kiss to my cheek, Jace left when the movie was over. After I cleaned up and settled into my pajamas I climbed into bed and with a smile on my face, welcoming all that tomorrow would bring.

Josie was right all along, imprint magic healed.


	33. Gone

No copyright infringement intended of Stephenie Meyer's work

Chapter 31 – Gone

JACE

Embry got a call from Jacob inviting us over to Sam's. He didn't say what it was about, only that I had to come too. It sounded important.

We got dressed and headed over just after sunset. Embry pulled his Audi into the Uley driveway and together we got out and made our way down to the back of the house which was like the Lahotes' backyard but in a totally different style. It was more Greek as everything was white with blue. The place was nice and lavish but still homely.

Against the black night I could see the thick white clouds overhead, so I wasn't sure how long we'd get to stay out here. Embry and I seemed to be the last to arrive. The old pack was already talking and laughing over drinks.

"Oh, Embry's here!" Jacob bellowed, calling my father over with a goofy grin on his face. "Em, didn't Quil promise Claire she could have a Porsche for her thirtieth birthday?"

Embry started laughing immediately as he walked over and accepted a beer from Paul. "She wants it to be cherry red if I'm not mistaken."

"Fuck you Embry!" Quil growled. "She not getting a damn Porsche so don't encourage her like this asshole!" Quil gestured to Jacob and rolled his eyes. Jacob laughed even harder.

"Sorry man!" Embry raised his hands innocently as he took the seat between his two best friends.

"Just get her the damn car _Quilly,_ so what if it's a few years early? You like getting pussy don't you?" Paul said in a taunting voice, joining in with the teasing. He and Sam were seated by the bar. Sam had apparently been playing barman.

"It's not like you can't afford it, you've been making good investments." Sam added, with a cocked eyebrow.

"You mean _Emmett's_ been making good investments, this fool just spends the cash," Jacob grinned. I wasn't sure who Emmett was but maybe I needed to meet him. My eco-community wasn't going to start itself.

"Whatever, I've been _saving_ a ton. We're building our house next year," Quil said with a pout. It was so weird seeing my alpha whine like a big kid.

"I'm sure you can spend a little on a car? I thought imprinting was about being a whupped kiss-ass," Embry added, running from the thump on his shoulder that Quil delivered. He looked over at me with a smirk, "No offence kid." I rolled my eyes right back.

"She _would_ look great in a red Porsche Quil," I added with a smirk as I sat down on one of the wicker chairs with blue and white striped cushions. I couldn't help but join in. He had a hot young wife, what was his problem?

He groaned but then smiled. "I guess she _would_ look pretty hot. Think of all the places we could fool around." He stuck his tongue out and he looked so much like a horny dog it made me laugh.

But I didn't need to hear anything sexual about Claire so I got up and informed them that I'd be inside. I could hear Matthew and Sammy shouting loudly nearby, they seemed to be gaming.

"Uh no Jace, you should stay," Jacob said, his voice so serious that it stopped me in my tracks. His alpha presence in that one request was so strong, it was like a shockwave moving through the air around us.

"You'll get used to it," Quil said with a grin. I guess as the only other phasing wolf he'd felt it too.

"What I have to say includes the pack but honestly, it's an issue that involves Sam, Paul and you too Jace."

"Me? Why?" I asked.

"Because it's partly about Phoenix."

"Why?" I asked again as I felt the wolf tremble inside me with anxiety.

"What the fuck?" Paul exclaimed, instantly getting pissed.

"Calm down Paul, we ALL need to stay calm about this. Embry and Quil I'm hoping you'll act as the level-headed ones in this conversation. It's going to be heated but we need you to act as the police or elders or something."

"I'm not Billy or Sue but I'll try," my father muttered, but his eyes showed his concern for me. He walked over to the chair I was on and sank in next to me. By that action I knew that whatever it was, he had my back.

Sam came around and stood between Jacob and Paul, with Quil on the other side of Jacob.

"Look, what I have to say is not easy for me. Honestly, it's the hardest situation I've been in as tribal leader."

"Just spit it out Jake, what the fuck is going on? Is she in danger?" Paul demanded, and honestly I agreed, I just wanted to hear what was up, not all this 'feelings' bull. Who cared if this was hard for him? What the fuck was going on?

Jacob paused and took a huge breath that seemed to suck in all the air around us. He shook his head before turning to look at Sam of all people. "Sam I have something to tell you that isn't going to be easy to hear. It's gonna shock the fuck outta you but when you get over the hard part, you might think it's a great thing. I dunno."

"What are you talking about Jake?" Sam asked, his dark eyebrows knitted together, as he crossed his arms and shifted his weight.

"A vampire came to Canada looking for me and Nessie, needing the Cullens to help him be a vegetarian bloodsucker."

"AND?" Paul pressed impatiently while Sam's eyes seemed to grow dark with wonder. "Is this the same on who's been on the Rez?"

"No. It was… A-Avery."

"WHAT?" Paul bellowed as he jumped up from his seat. None of the rest of us had made a sound. We all had that collectively stumped look of shock, but my heart was racing.

He didn't just say that did he? I shook my head and covered my face with my palms, needing a minute to regroup.

Fucking AVERY.

FUCKING AVERY!

I growled and pushed off the chair my breaths heavy and my stance defensive. I wanted to rip somebody's head off. My wolf wanted to rip Avery's head off and kill him again!

"What the fuck are you talking about Jake? _My_ Avery? Came to you? He's a, a…" Sam's mouth fell opened and he seemed unable to say the word.

Jacob nodded, and rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "He's a vampire Sam. He's still alive – well, you know what I mean."

"Fucking hell Jake! When the fuck did this happen!?" Paul asked.

"About three months ago."

"Three MONTHS AGO? And you're NOW telling ME?" Sam roared and in that moment I could see him as alpha.

"I'm sorry Sam but he asked me not to say anything until he had his shit together and could talk to you all in person."

"MY son is with the Cullens? He's a fucking LEECH?"

"Fuck me," Quil whispered, shaking his head.

"Keep your voice down you don't want the others to find out yet til we get this thing sorted."

"He's _NOT_ getting near her." I knew it was me that had spoken but the voice was so threatening that I didn't even recognize myself.

"Calm down Jace." Embry said, getting up and pulling me back by the shoulder. I had apparently walked over to Jacob and seemed to be threatening him.

"Damn straight he's not!" Paul seconded, and I was thankful that he was on my side in this.

"He's been working really hard to get his blood lust under control. He's been out in public, he's doing fine. He just wants to see Nix and the family, he misses you all, especially her."

"How many _mistakes_ did he make?" I asked, still in a very volatile mood. I didn't want to hear about a vampire's feelings for MY imprint!

Jacob's face showed his offence – a steely wall of no emotion. "Excuse me?" he asked cockily, looking down on me.

"You know what I said! I asked how many mistakes did he make?" I wasn't backing down just because he was alpha and huger than me.

"Jace!" Embry hissed in warning.

"Just answer the question Jake, cause I wanna know too," Paul snapped.

With a scowl on his face Jacob looked at me and mumbled, "Two."

"Ha! Like I said, he's NOT coming near her! She's MY imprint, it's my job to keep her safe!"

"That's _my_ son and your cousin Jace, I don't like this news either, I don't want to think about my kid doing this shit but if he wants to come home I'm sure as hell _not_ going to stop him!" Sam argued.

"So you'll just let him run wild on the Rez? What happens when he makes another mistake! Do we just put him in the quiet corner?" I yelled.

"You don't know what it's been like for us! You only just got here! You can't keep him away from Phoenix, you can't stop him from coming back to the people who love him!" Sam yelled at me.

"Oh, so I should just step aside and let my vampire cousin steal my soulmate? I just got her to be happy again! She doesn't need this! She's fine! He should just stay in Alaska where it's safe for everyone!"

"He can stay at the Cullen house in Forks, he won't be on the Rez and he can hunt safely." Jacob answered.

"So you've got it all worked out then, Jake?" Embry asked. "You're letting him come back to live permanently?"

"That's my son! Your nephew Embry! Don't you think he deserves to be with his family?" Sam barked, a vein popping up in his forehead. He looked ready to explode.

"You know I want you to have your son back Sam, but he's not the same person, he is a threat. I just think we should talk to him and observe him first before just saying yes. Your job is to protect the tribe no matter what. Three months is NOT a long time, he needs more time to really be like a Cullen and be in perfect control of himself. They had decades of practice, he doesn't. We all have to agree that they're special and if he had more time with them I'd feel much more comfortable."

"He's not a danger," Jacob asserted.

"We'll be the judge of that," Paul said with a tone of finality. "Get Jasper over here."

"Who?" I asked.

"Jasper Cullen struggles the most with bloodlust, if he says Avery is okay then I'll believe he is." Paul clarified for me.

Sam swore and went to the bar. He poured himself a shot of some hard stuff in a crystal decanter and knocked it back. An angry silence descended on the group as we all just kinda glared at each other.

"Are you fucking serious Jake? He's really okay?" My uncle still seemed to be in shock. Hell, I was too. I needed to phase and run this fucking shit off.

"He's okay Sam. He's a little different but it's still Avery."

"Where was he before he came to you?" Quil asked. It was a good question too.

"He was all over, different places and continents with his maker."

"So he's with someone?" Sam asked.

"No not anymore, he escaped her and made his way to me. She didn't want him to come to the Cullens, she knows their reputation and is one of the many vampires who find the Cullen way of life to be offensive."

"Wait SHE?" I asked. "We've been chasing a female vampire." I looked at Quil and he mirrored my concern. Was she looking for Avery?

Jacob seemed pensive as my words sank in. "I dunno what she looks like or anything, but her name is Celine."

"So he's in Alaska and now she's fucking here looking for him?"

"We don't know if it's her Jace, I just said that!"

"Well we need to find out!"

"Embry, you need to control your pup, I really don't want to alpha order him over this," Jacob spat but he didn't scare me at all. Not this time.

"It's a possibility though, Jace first caught her scent in the woods behind our house! Then her scent was on Jace's Mustang when they went to the mall in Port Angeles! This vampire could be stalking my daughter, we don't know!"

"Paul, I'll talk to him tonight. I'll tell him what's going on and make him contact Celine, we can figure this out."

"I need to see him, is he in Alaska now?" Sam asked with a forceful tone, but there was a sad pleading look on his face.

Jacob nodded and grimaced. "He wants to come though. He wanted to be here for his birthday but the Cullens didn't think it was a good idea."

"Why not?"

"Because Carlisle thought the situation would be too emotional for everyone and he wanted Avery to be more composed and clear-headed. He suggested he wait just a little longer to be certain he was in control."

That made no sense to me at all but I said nothing. It had only been a week or so since his memorial.

"Call him and tell him to come to Forks, hell let them all come," Sam ordered and by the testy look on his face I knew that no one else including Paul, was going to object. He was a father too, and it probably occurred to him that he'd want the same rights in Sam's position. At least, that's the feeling I got.

Traitor. I bet if Paul knew that his daughter was suicidal over a leech he'd change his mind though. But I couldn't betray her, I knew she'd never trust me again if I told anyone about her meltdown. She was okay now, I wouldn't bring that back up to hurt everyone again.

And yet, maybe this was a good thing. Let the bastard come! Maybe it was time to meet the person my imprint almost killed herself for! I hated him and wanted a chance to fucking sink my teeth into a shoulder or leg or something. But that was just the anger and frustration talking. After all that I'd been through since I came to La Push the last thing I needed was him popping back up. I wanted him to remain gone for _eternity._

Avery was a threat to my life with my imprint, it didn't matter that we were cousins or that he and Phoenix had been best friends. The nagging question that was killing me, the reason I didn't want him anywhere near her, was forefront in my mind.

How would Phoenix react when she found out the love of her life was a vampire and that he wanted to come back in her life?

Not alive, but a fucking bloodsucking leech.

And if Avery Uley was back, then I sure as hell wasn't going anywhere.

"I gotta go," I mumbled to no one in particular. I needed to phase and check the Rez. The instinct to protect my imprint was suddenly stronger than anything I'd ever felt before.

"Quil you should go with him," Paul stated, giving him a look. They knew I was pretty volatile right now but so what? It wasn't as if I'd see Avery and rip him to shreds. I wasn't so lucky. "I'm going home so don't worry, I'll call if something happens – which it won't so try not to go nuts kid."

"Humph," I huffed and stripped off my shirt and pants, handing them to my father.

"Be careful out there, and don't do anything stupid okay? Don't leave La Push."

I looked at Embry as if he were insane, ready to protest the thought, but I closed my mouth and simply nodded. I guess it wouldn't be so far-fetched if I ran to Alaska and told Avery to stay away. In fact it was a good plan. Humph, no wonder they wanted Quil out there with me. I really couldn't be trusted the more I thought about it. Quil decided to drive home first before phasing so I began walking out to the tree line alone where I would strip and tie my boxers to my leg.

" _She's his imprint, that's the only reason why I wanted him here, out of common courtesy. But he has no say in this, it's Sam's and my decision_!" Jacob said to my father back at the house.

" _I'm just thinking about my son, this is the last thing he needs, he's been through enough already since imprinting on her!"_ I felt a certain feeling pass through me as I heard Embry standing up for me. I slowed my gait so that I could hear them better.

" _You're thinking about your son and I'm thinking about mine - I want my son back Embry, Emily needs her son back, even Phoenix needs Avery back! She's his imprint, Jace has nothing to worry about, I should know, it can't be fought no matter what you felt for someone else before. Phoenix will still choose him_." Sam said confidently but he had no idea what he was talking about. Phoenix was devoted to Avery like no other, even though he was dead she still wanted to never have feelings for someone else. I was only just getting her to change her mind about being with me someday, all my progress would be shot to hell.

I couldn't help but feel weird about this. She had never accepted his death because of his disappearance. It's like somehow a part of her had known he could still possibly be alive. Everyone had accepted him as dead, but not her. A cold shiver ran down my spine. What if she really was his? What if the bond they shared was stronger than an imprint? What if I really was just a default?

I wasn't like the other wolves who treated imprinting like gold or something extra-special. I mean, it felt great but it wasn't the only definition of love in existence. And that's why this bothered me so much. Their love could be just as strong as an imprint bond. Phoenix didn't love me, and I wasn't sure what my feelings were about her. Yes I cared about her A LOT, VERY strongly, I wanted to say I loved her, but I just didn't know if it was love yet…maybe it was. Maybe I felt this way because I loved her and was scared I'd never make her mine.

At the end of the day, it was her decision and I could only hope that she'd choose me.

I ran through the forest straight over to the Lahotes'. There was no way that I wouldn't check to make sure she was okay.

Why wouldn't she be, we're on patrol. It was Brady in my head. I totally forgot he and Zach were out there.

Fuck! Avery's a vampire? Zack exclaimed.

I couldn't stop myself from hiding my thoughts. They were seeing everything running through my mind at that point.

I wasn't surprised they'd want him to come back, He was a son of the pack.

 _He's a fucking leech Brady! If you imprinted, would you want her ex to come back? He's going to try to take her away from me, it's pretty fucking obvious._ (Jace)

You don't know that man, Avery was cool. (Zack)

But I could see Brady thinking about how possessive he was of Phoenix.

 _See? My point exactly. I'm not stupid, they were really fucking close – we're just starting to get along. I have no safety net._ (Jace)

Shit, I'm sorry bro. Zack said.

Yeah, just try not to freak out okay? We got your back. Pack comes first no matter what. Brady added.

I crept into yard. The night lights were on and everything was quiet. I wanted to hold Phoenix in my arms so badly that I considered phasing and trying to get in.

The alarm bro, Brady reminded me.

 _Right._

But as I was just about to go back across the yard to the lawn to the woods I heard heavy footsteps and the backdoor open behind me.

"In my day I climbed up the tree outside of Corrie's window. As you can see there are no trees anywhere near my daughters' rooms," I turned back to meet Paul's smug grin. I quickly phased and pulled on my boxers. If he was letting me go inside I was definitely going.

"Get some proper pants from Tuari's room before you go anywhere near her please? And you're getting ten minutes and that's it. And don't be an ass and tell her about what Jacob told us."

"I know, relax. I just want to see her. I'll try not to wake her."

"So you're just gonna sit there and watch her?"

I shrugged. Maybe that was my plan, but I hadn't actually gotten that far.

He rolled his eyes and shook his head at me. "It's only because I imprinted that I won't voice my mind. I know how it goes. A threat to your bond is nothing the wolf takes lightly. I had my share of sleeping outside Corrie's window."

I was about to ask his business when a sickly sweet smell suddenly caught my nose as I walked over to the basement stairs to get a pants from downstairs. The scents of everyone else mingled all through the kitchen and foyer, even Phoenix's was there, but this scent didn't belong. "Paul!"

"What?" he turned back at me, on his way to the other stairs to head up.

"The leech was in here."

"WHAT? You're smelling it now?"

"Yes." I turned and went over to the front door. "It came through here, wasn't the alarm on?"

"No. Tuari must have forgotten when he left to go on his date with Josephine."

"Fuck!" I didn't even wait for permission and together he and I sprinted up the stairs. The scent was everywhere but I was too scared to even say it out loud. I tried to swallow past the lump in my throat but I could barely breathe at this point. This couldn't be happening. I felt sick to my stomach, preparing myself for the worse. I could only hope and pray that the leech hadn't killed the women of the Lahote family. Paul and I would never survive. I had Enid and Mom but they were just as important to me.

He went to Ruth's door first and I looked in behind him. She was fast asleep in her room. I stopped right outside Phoenix's door. I opened and at the same time we went in. My heart hammered in my chest as I looked into the darkness.

I strode over to her bed and pulled back the covers in disbelief.

Phoenix was gone.


	34. Kidnapped

Thanks for the reviews! Yes Avery is not "dead" and he is definitely coming back to stir up some trouble :)

No copyright infringement intended of Stephenie Meyer's work

Chapter 32 – Kidnapped

PHOENIX

I woke up to the sounds of birds chirping loudly. I opened my eyes but instantly squeezed them shut again. I had a horrible headache. There was a strange chemical smell in my nose and mouth that made my stomach sour. I moaned and tried to sit up. My entire body felt weak and shaky. _What the hell?_ As soon as my vision cleared I knew that I wasn't in my room. I wasn't _home._

I had never seen this place before!

"What is going on?" I asked no one in particular. I was in some room, a bedroom, but it definitely wasn't one I recognized. It was peach and green, like some old lady had decorated it. There were white bars on the windows which I saw as I pulled the curtain back to see if I was somewhere on the Rez – which I was not. There was no forest just grass and fence. As I looked around me again I noticed a door opening to a bathroom and slow got up and made my way. I used the bathroom and washed my hands and face. My skin was pale and I my eyes were smeared with the usual dark circles.

I just didn't feel right.

How could I have gone to bed in my room to then wake up in some stranger's house with no recollection of getting here? I was scared. I was definitely freaking out. When I stepped back into the bedroom, I screamed and scrambled back into the bathroom, slamming and locking the door behind me.

There was a woman standing there, a deathly pale, red eyed woman with blonde hair.

The vampire from my dream.

"Oh my God! No please no!" I cried as I sank to the floor, hugging Avery's faded black sweatshirt to my body. I was so accustomed to wearing it now that I hadn't even thought about it last night when I slipped it over my white vest and pajama bottoms which I still had on.

I heard a soft tapping and my limbs froze, yet I was practically panting as my chest tightened with fear.

"Phoenix? You don't have to be scared of me, I won't hurt you."

I closed my eyes and prayed for a miracle – that I was just having another vampire nightmare.

"If I was going to hurt you I would have already. You can trust me. I wouldn't hurt you, you mean too much to Avery."

WHAT?

My eyes popped open. "Avery?"

"Yes, Avery is a vampire, I am his maker. My name is Celine Merchant." But by the way she pronounced her last name it was clear that she was French.

"Avery is a vampire?" I whispered to myself. Oh my GOD! I shook my head, not even wanting to believe my own words. NO! I felt faint just thinking about the possibility that he was alive…and a leech. "You're lying!" I declared.

"No, I am not, I have no reason to lie. Avery IS a vampire and he's really missed you the last year."

"Where is he? Why isn't he here then? I won't believe you until I see him," I said with a little sass.

"Oh I know, I expected as much. That's why he's on his way – soon. Are you hungry? Maybe you should come out and have some breakfast. I made it myself – the first time I've cooked in eighty years!" she chuckled a little and she seemed nice enough but I was terrified of her.

She was nothing like Aunt Nessie. Even if she hadn't been haunting my dreams the last few nights I wouldn't go near her without a wolf.

WOLF.

Oh! Did Jace know I was gone? Did my family? What time was it? I needed to talk to them! Maybe someone was on the way to rescue me now!

"What time is it?" I asked, trying not to sound as shaky and scared as I felt.

"After ten in the morning. You slept late, I guess because of the sedative I gave you."

At her words I was suddenly made aware of a very slight throbbing pain on my arm, and after investigation saw a tiny red dot indicating that she had drugged me with a needle.

Trust her my ass!

"Phoenix? I worked really hard to make that breakfast for you, won't you come out and have some. I promise I wouldn't hurt you. We can get to know each other."

"How do I know that you're _not….thirsty?"_ I croaked, my body shivering as I thought about her hunting me down, chasing me, in my dreams. Didn't she want to eat me? Suck me dry?

She chuckled again, but in a condescending way. "I went for a hunt earlier this morning, I'll be fine until tomorrow. I've been a vampire for a long time, I can control myself when I have to."

But even though she sort of sounded sincere, every bone in my body was frozen in place. There was an undercurrent of a threat in the way she spoke, like she enjoyed making me cower. The hair on my arms stood on point and I just knew that I couldn't move - I couldn't go anywhere near her.

"I can't. I'm sorry but I just can't. I don't understand why you brought me here? I don't know what you intend to do with me. So I'd like to stay here instead." Yes, it was the right thing for me to do. I had the toilet, I had water from the sink, I'd be fine until someone came to get me away from her.

 _God! Jace, please be on your way!_ I prayed silently. Couldn't he feel me through the imprint?

"I see. Well I could have just locked you in the cellar if that was the case! This is really quite ridiculous! I went through all this trouble to find an empty house we could use just so that you could be comfortable! I'm not trying to have Avery upset with me about this! You'll ruin everything if you don't play nice little girl." She truly sounded offended, but I wouldn't budge.

That's when I caught it, the tone of her voice. She loved Avery. Was he her mate? If so, then why was I here?

And was Avery really with her? The vampire that had been haunting me?

"Are you the vampire that's been in La Push?" I asked quietly, knowing she could still hear me.

"Yes, those wolves were ridiculous to get around."

So she had been trying to get to me all this time! Had Jace known this? Was this what he thought when he found her scent on the Mustang?

"I thought I might have gotten you in Port Angeles but it was impossible. You were never alone an I didn't want to make a scene with that wolf. I am not one to provoke the Volturi."

A chill came over me at the thought that she might have attacked me or Jace when we went to the mall that time. I took a deep breath and decided I needed to ask her the obvious question. "I don't understand, how did you find me? How did you know where to look on the Reservation? Did Avery show you?"

"No, he showed me pictures of his family and the pack using the computer. And the rest I figured out on my own."

It made sense, but obviously it was very stupid of him. "Did he tell you to kidnap me?"

She giggled and I could hear her lean against the door. "Let's just say this is a special surprise for Avery."

I yelped and scrambled backwards to the sink. Her voice was right next to my head through the door. She had bent down to answer me and her intention totally succeeded – she completely freaked me out.

I wasn't safe.

It was a false sense of security I had felt because of the locked door.

She was _vampire!_ Of course Celine could get to me if she really wanted to!

"Don't worry ma cherie, Avery will be here soon and you'll know everything."

I stood and leaned against the sink, just staring at the door, barely breathing, waiting for the moment when Celine would blast through it and kill me. But after a while I relaxed a little. I couldn't hear anything, but still I didn't know if she was gone. I remembered hearing about vampires being like stone. And they were masters at being quiet. So she probably hadn't gone anywhere and was waiting for me to come out.

I buried my head in my hands and let the tears come.

I felt so helpless, so alone and so frightened.

Celine was a vampire, she kidnapped me, and she was saying that she'd turned Avery into a vampire too. She had brought me here to meet up him.

Avery was still alive, well…he wasn't totally dead. A part of me had never wanted to believe that he had died even though the other half took the blame for him jumping and killing himself. Now it all made sense, my inability to get over his death, because he had died in a way, but yet, he hadn't. We were so close that subconsciously I knew my friend was somewhere out there lost.

But I didn't know how to feel about it, about him being a vampire. Those creatures were scary if Celine was anything to go by. I had only ever met Aunt Nessie, unlike Josie who had seen Bella Cullen before.

It was the red eyes. Would Avery have red eyes too? If she was his maker then he probably would.

Avery killed people, he fed on blood – human blood.

"No!" I whimpered, sinking to the toilet seat where I hugged my knees l and wailed for all that had happened in the last year because of me.

Avery was a vampire now, because of me and my stupid games.

Did he want revenge? Was this it? Had she hunted me down so that he could get back at me? Because something told me that Celine was only being nice to me because she had to be.

I had so many questions and no answers.

I only knew that I was alone and scared.

XXXXXXX

"Phoenix? Are you awake?"

The perfectly pitched voice of Celine called to me through the door. I must have fallen asleep at some point as she had in fact woken me up. I straightened my body and stretched my stiff arms and legs out. The room suddenly felt stuffy and warm. I wanted fresh air, I needed fresh air.

"How are you holding up in there? It doesn't have a window, do you want me to turn on the extractor fan?" she went ahead and flicked the switch and the fan made a whirring noise that made me jump. It was too loud and I wasn't sure it would help anything.

But I said nothing in response. I didn't want to talk to Celine anymore. She had stolen me from my bed and that meant she couldn't be trusted no matter how nice she was trying to be.

"Well I brought you a sandwich, if you'd like. It's cheese paste and cucumber, I hope I got it right."

It sounded like it would be tasty, but still I refused to eat her food.

"Are you alright? I can still hear you breathing and your heart beating rather fast, ma cherie."

I knew what she meant, she could come in and check on me – I didn't want that at all. I really didn't want to see her face again.

"Phoenix?"

"I'm fine. I just want to go home. Avery can arrange to see me anytime he wants, just let me go, _please."_

I didn't want to beg but I had to try to change her mind. I still felt really weak from the sedative and lack of food. I really needed to get out of there.

"I'm sorry, but I can't do that. When Avery gets here we'll sort things out. But you don't need to worry about your family, you won't need them."

"What? What does that mean!"

"I said don't worry your little head about it Phoenix, just come eat your food, you need to stay healthy and keep up your strength."

"Why, so that I can taste better?" I sassed.

"Oh I don't want to eat you ma cherie, I want you for something entirely different, and much more important. I'll be back later! So feel free to come out and find some food or watch tv." I heard her walk away and the bedroom door close firmly behind her.

Nearby I heard a car start and drive away. Was I really alone now? And how the hell could she tell me I was alone? Didn't she think I would escape?

Shakily, I found myself unlocking the bathroom door and stepping into the bedroom. It was empty and the door was closed. I saw the sandwich she'd made, and while it was tempting because I was starving, I just didn't want to eat something a vampire made. I decided to check out the house and find a phone or computer. With my hand on the bedroom door, I took a deep breath and turned the knob.

The hallway was empty. There were pictures of children all over the walls and some more horrible wall paper in burgundy and blue vines. Old people definitely lived here. I hoped they weren't dead or something.

I crept to the other rooms but they were empty except for one that was locked. I quietly descended the stairs and noticed no one in the family room or kitchen. I was really alone, Celine was gone. I took a deep breath and then started the hunt for a phone, but I found nothing, anywhere. I found a computer but it had no cords at all.

She had removed all the phones from the house! That made me more annoyed and I went into the basement to see if they had been tossed in there or anything; but I found nothing important but a freezer with some pizzas and stuff. I grabbed one and took it back to the kitchen and popped it in the oven, which had a clock stating that it was late evening.

I tried the doors next but found them all to be locked – of course there were no keys in sight either. No matter how I tried to shake and push, they wouldn't budge. The windows were all barred too. God, where was I?

I popped open the curtain of a smaller window in the back to see if it had no bars but was met with black paint on the glass.

Celine had thought of everything hadn't she?

I had no idea where I was or how I was going to get out!

My hands started to tremble slightly, I was bordering on breakdown.

I could only hope that Celine wouldn't come back or maybe when she came back she'd have Avery with her and I could plead to him for my life.

Or maybe Jace would find me first.

I could only pray that he would.


	35. Leeches

No copyright infringement intended of Stephenie Meyer's work

Chapter 33 – Leeches

JACE

As soon as Paul had seen that Phoenix's room was empty, he'd run up to the next floor to check on Corrie. Luckily she was alright too until she heard the news. Tuari arrived home not too long after and smelled the leech as soon as he stepped through the door. He went ballistic and blamed himself although he was certain that he had in fact set the alarm – which left us wondering if the leech was that skilled to disarm it. But truthfully, had the alarm gone off, Corrie would have awoken and then tkilled.

The vampire only wanted Phoenix. Somehow she had been waiting, knowing that the wolves wouldn't be around. How had she figured this all out?

It had to be Avery's maker.

It had to be, there was no other explanation.

She'd taken Phoenix for Avery.

Quil came over as soon as he got home and saw us outside. We called Embry, Jacob and Sam and they came over to the Wolf Moon compound as well. Jacob was forced to call the Cullens in front of us but Avery had no clue what he was talking about. Even Sam talked to him, but I could see that he was more interested in talking to his son rather than finding out about Phoenix.

Jonathan, Sammy and Adrian were sent on patrol to join the rest of us. Sammy was unable to concentrate because he couldn't believe his brother was still alive in a manner of speaking; so Quil told him to go home and be with his family.

So that's what we'd been doing since I found her empty room last night - fussing about Avery and patrolling La Push and Forks. We searched everywhere we could think of but couldn't find Phoenix or any trace of her and the imprint was telling me jack shit other than the fact that we were both upset. Jared made the suggestion that the vampire had used a car. It was likely as the scent had disappeared once I moved passed the house. It was nowhere else on the compound either.

So many hours had passed. It was getting dark now, almost twenty-hours later and all I could do was patrol. I'd been running since I'd given up on finding the scent around the compound. I couldn't be around anyone because they all ticked me off somehow. No one had answers, no one knew what to do so my only solution was to run and wait. Avery was coming to La Push because he was concerned that it had been his maker. By the description at least, he said it could be her. He was also confident that Celine wouldn't hurt her, according to Sam. But I believed that he wouldn't doubt anything from his son's mouth.

The point was that I was sure I was right, Celine was the vampire we'd been chasing.

But I couldn't believe Avery when he told them that he had no idea what was going on. This was all a little too convenient for me and I had a bad feeling that somehow Avery was gonna hurt Nix. And I couldn't allow that to happen, not after all she'd been through. I didn't even know where to start, but when he got here, I was going to get my answers, that's for sure.

 **You can't kill him. But we'll know if he's lying.** Quil told me in our thoughts.

Ugh, I hated that I couldn't have my mind to myself.

 **Go home and get some rest Jace, I promise you'll know as soon as he reaches Forks. We'll talk to him together and get to the bottom of this.**

My legs buckled and I couldn't continue going in the direction I was headed because Quil had alpha ordered me.

 **Sorry, but your father wants you to sleep and Corrie's really worried about you too. She's already scared as hell over Nix, just go to the compound and let her feed you and take a nap.**

 _But I can't - I can't do nothing Quil._

 **I know that's what it will feel like, but you will be doing something, you need your strength for what comes next. We still gotta find her. I'm hoping that Avery will know where to look. So go rest up so you can get your head in the game later.**

I could only obey him, and in no time I was in the woods that would take me to the compound. I headed to the pack showers and took a thorough wash, just letting the hot water soak my sore shoulders, neck and back. But the tension wouldn't leave me. I was so worried about her, it's like I couldn't breathe. I was functioning, but I was also temporarily insane with grief and fear.

Every worst-case scenario was running through my head: Phoenix had been bitten and was going to be a vampire, she'd been eaten, she'd been raped, she'd been beaten and was unconscious or dead in a ditch somewhere.

Yeah, I was torturing myself. But I knew that she was alive, I knew it because I hadn't felt any horrible feelings yet, and the others assured me that I would feel a lot of pain if someone hurt her. I just felt uneasy and I knew that she was feeling anxious right now wherever she was.

I just hated feeling like I was failing her. I was her protector and I hadn't done my job. She was MY imprint to take care of. I had the right instinct to go and check on her last night, but still I had been too late.

"Jace, honey," Corrie's bright red face came towards me as I entered the house. She looked horrible. She had clearly been crying A LOT.

I hugged her tight and rubbed her back. "Don't worry Auntie, I promise I'll find her." I knew I shouldn't make promises but that hope was all I had.

"I know honey, I know." She patted me back. I didn't miss the disgruntled look of her husband as he watched us. Paul looked older, his face seemed to have aged in a day.

"You need to rest kid, you're like the living dead," he said as I walked to the table and sat down. I glared at him, not particularly caring for the vampire reference. A flicker of regret flashed in his eyes and I accepted it as an apology.

"I'll take a short nap after I eat."

Corrie, in spite of everything, was busy at the stove. I could smell stew. It was a huge pot so I knew it was for the pack. She probably didn't want anyone to miss meals because they were searching for Phoenix. "Good, you need to keep your strength up," my imprint's mother said with a forced smile as she set the plate of stew in front of me. There were rolls on the table so I snagged a few of them also. I wasn't really that hungry because of the anxiety but I knew I needed to eat as much as possible for the sake of my wolf.

"Don't worry about me, I'm fine."

"I just can't believe Avery is a vampire now! I just hope that this Celine hasn't hurt my Nix, I can't imagine that Avery would want to hurt his best friend," Corrie sobbed and Paul walked over and started rubbing her shoulders.

"Stop worrying baby, she's going to be alright. They won't hurt her, you have to have faith." Paul seemed to be barely holding on by a thread. I'd bet that if he didn't need to be here for Corrie he'd be out searching too. I could see the dread on his face as he tried to comfort his wife. It made the knot in my stomach grow.

We all needed to believe that Phoenix was okay, and have faith. "How is Ruth?" I asked.

"Ruth is sleeping, she's scared but she'll be fine." I nodded. I guess it was understandable.

"I think it's weird that Jacob won't phase. It's as if he doesn't want us to see inside his head," he continued.

"Paul! You shouldn't be talking to Jace about this!" Corrie turned and glared at him.

"No, I should. Jake is pack leader and he should be out there, so should his sons. But they're not because he was keeping Avery a secret for months! What else is he keeping a secret! I don't trust him at all. Jace you need to keep your eye out for anything suspicious."

I nodded, totally agreeing.

"It's Jacob, you _never_ like anything about him because you think he has some stupid crush on me – which we both know is _totally_ insane! Don't make Jace not like him too."

"I already don't like him," I grumbled as I stuffed more bread and stew in my mouth. My appetite had kicked in full on now.

"Why not? Do you find anything suspicious about Jacob?" Paul asked.

I shrugged. "I just don't like him, it's like he's too cocky."

"Honey, all men are cocky when they're wolves."

"Ha, I'm not." I wasn't nearly as bad. And I didn't think Quil was that bad either – or Brady, Adrian or Sammy. I couldn't really agree with her.

Paul rolled his eyes. "No in Jake's case it's an alpha thing. Point is, how could he not tell us? And how could he just think it would be okay to bring Avery back here and put my daughter in his presence? How could I trust that little shit not to hurt her? Phoenix might be scared."

"Or she might be really happy and want to go with him," I mumbled. But I guess they heard me as they both kind of gasped and stared at me.

"She wouldn't," Corrie cried.

"But she might."

"Jace, don't upset my wife, PLEASE," Paul said in reprimand.

"Would you let her go?"

"NO!" They both answered.

"Good because I'm counting on you guys to be on my side."

"The only side we're on is our daughter's Jace."

"Paul!" Corrie scowled but she didn't exactly correct him.

It was okay, I just needed them to know that I didn't want Phoenix anywhere near Avery no matter who he had once been. He wasn't a human anymore, and that meant he was dangerous.

I finished my plate and went down to my old room to take a nap. Phoenix's scent was lingering down here and on instinct I followed it to a closed door. I knew this door to be locked. Luckily it wasn't this time and I stepped inside and switched on the light. It was like an art room with all kinds of pictures and craft supplies. There was even a painting station. I wondered around, touching things she loved, looking at the pictures of the family and girls on the wall. Then I stopped over by a covered easel and pulled the cloth back. My heart jumped when I saw a wolf staring back at me. It was me!

Had Phoenix painted this? I could smell her scent all over it.

It was great. And it showed that she was starting to care… I couldn't stop the tears that started to fall then. I didn't care if I was being weak, I couldn't help myself.

Vampires had taken my imprint and I had to somehow find a way to bring her back to me.

It took a long time before I could finally get my brain to relax and shut down for sleep. My last thought was that I would find Phoenix and she'd be okay.

XXXXX

"Jace, wake up."

It was Embry shaking me awake.

"Get up. Avery's here."

I shot up straight and pulled on my t-shirt robotically. Embry snorted with amusement at my antics as we left the room. I stopped in the toilet but knew to meet him in the kitchen. Tuari, Ruth, Corrie, Jared and Paul were also there at the table.

"Morning," I told them, planting a kiss on Ruthie's head and holding her for a few moments before I took a seat. I had gotten way too much rest last night and I hated the fact that no one had woken me for patrol. But honest, I had really needed it. Besides the gaping hole in my chest I felt physically better now, strong again.

I just hoped Phoenix was alright, wherever she was. A pain lanced my heart as I thought about her being gone, but I pushed it aside and served myself some food. "Any news?" I asked.

"We're going to Sammy's to see, 'you know who,'" Tuari answered.

I nodded. No news then.

We ate with little conversation, although the dads discussed business. They were pushing back some meetings until Nix was safe. I could see the tension in Paul's face, but I guess they needed to talk about something instead of going crazy.

Embry and I went in his car while the others took Corrie's Range Rover. It didn't take long to reach Sam's, but we had picked up Leanne while the others dropped Ruth over at Jared's first where the younger children were congregated. Apparently Kim and Claire were watching the pups who weren't involved in this matter. As soon as we got there Tuari and I stiffened at the new vampire scents. We both exchanged a look but said nothing.

Sam and Emily opened the door and she greeted us with a smile while he seemed tense. After all the fake pleasantries we finally went inside and I could hear voices. Josie, Sammy, Jacob, Nessie and two others that had to be the vampires.

Greetings were exchanged as we entered the room, Avery and his guardian Carlisle Cullen stood there, statue still as they watched us file into the room. Avery's eyes immediately found mine, which had locked in on him from the moment I saw his tall frame in the corner of the room. Yeah, he looked like one of us, tall, russet (though much paler now) with dark hair that curled up as it reached his shoulders. He had Uncle Sam's build and face just like Sammy. His eyes were weirdly brown with flecks of red. I didn't understand that part at all. Celine's were so bright and scary looking.

This was him - my cousin, but he was the one person in the world I wished was still dead.

Both he and Carlisle were impeccably dressed in designer clothes that would easily meet my Mom's approval. Carlisle stepped forward and greeted everyone with perfect grace for a man. He was so smooth that it made me uncomfortable. I didn't have much experience around vampires, but being nice to them just felt wrong. The smell wasn't exactly helping either.

Embry placed a hand on my shoulder and squeezed as hard as he could. I hadn't even realized I was growling. "Relax, good guys, remember?"

Carlisle chuckled. "This must be your son Embry, congratulations, I know how wonderful it must feel to be a father, no matter how grown they are."

"Indeed Carlisle, it's been a blessing meeting this knucklehead. Jace, this is Carlisle Cullen, or Doctor Fang as we used to call him," Embry grinned and gestured for me to say hello.

"But don't call him that!"Emily said with a scolding look to my father. They all laughed and I fought the urge to roll my eyes.

"Pleased to meet you Dr. Cullen," I said as politely as I could while watching the Lahotes talk to Avery. They didn't touch him but they were trying to be civil. Paul was holding Corrie in a vice around her waist as he pumped Avery for information about his maker. Tuari was trying to be cool especially since Josie was at his side all smiles. I could see that she was more than happy to have her twin back but now was not the time for her to be so damn chirpy – Phoenix was still her best friend! Still I wondered how she really felt about him being a vampire. The Uleys were all happy, their faces showed that. Avery looked over at me again, his expression unreadable, but I took a wild guess – he didn't like me either.

"And you Jace, how are you liking the wolf?" The vampire asked me. I realized that I had been rudely ignoring the conversation while observing the family dynamics around me.

"Huh, well, it is what it is, not what I would have chosen or expected, but I got to know who I really am, found my soul mate…so I guess wouldn't trade that for the world." I didn't want to embarrass Embry by not playing the part. He had begged me a hundred times already to be cool.

Emily showed where she wanted Embry and me to sit but I couldn't because of my anxious wolf, so I stood next to him. I just wanted to know where my imprint was. I cleared my throat and purposely looked at the alpha who was the one person in the room who seemed unbothered by anything.

"Problem Jace?" Jacob asked me, his wife smiling apologetically at me from his side.

I snorted. "Seriously? I'm sorry to break up the reunion and chit chat here but in case you all forgot, Phoenix is missing and I'd rather be out there looking for her. So someone needs to ask your guest where the hell Celine took her."

"Jace!" Embry hissed at me, while Leanne grabbed by arm. She was standing next to me on the other side.

"No he's right, I'd rather be doing that too. I'm just as worried about her as any of you," Avery stepped forward. "But I'm not a guest." He voice was eerily smooth and deep, no fluctuation whatsoever. How many people had he used that voice on, to mesmerize and kill them?

Another growled rippled through my body and I was forced to close my eyes and regroup for a second.

"Jace maybe you should step outside for a bit, I think some fresh air is what the wolf needs, you're not used to this like the rest of us," Quil suggested, but I knew it was a nice way of ordering me to get moving. He led the way and I didn't hesitate to follow.

As soon as got to the back deck which I had been on once before when Phoenix was upset, Quil rounded on me with threatening eyes. "Now I realize you don't like him, but that's the chief of this tribe and the true alpha of this pack, you WILL show him some respect. He's your father's best friend for Christ's sake!" In that moment I could picture him being principal at the local school. He really did have a mean mug when he wanted to. But it did nothing but rile me up even more.

"AND MY IMPRINT IS GONE QUIL! Let's talk about _that fact_ since you wanna throw them around! I don't care about Jacob Black! I care about finding Phoenix!"

"And WE WILL find her! Just try to calm the fuck down!"

"Well I CAN'T! And I'm sorry if I'm fucking up everyone's happy little family reunion, but if he hadn't been so fucking stupid that night a year ago we wouldn't be here in this mess in the first place!" I pointed back towards the house only to startle a bit when I saw Avery standing right there listening to me rant and rave.

His lips were twisted in a side-smile. The fucking bastard was being fucking smug with me. He didn't know I would rip his fucking head off without a second thought?

"I agree you know, _Jace._ No one regrets jumping off that cliff more than I do, obviously. But if you knew Phoenix and me from before, you'd know how super competitive we were. You'd understand."

"Fuck off, _Avery!"_ I hissed at his condescending tone, getting all up in his face. Who the fuck was he talking to? The last thing I needed to be was understanding!

"Jace, Avery, for fuck's sake! Knock it off! We don't have time to match dicks," Paul roared as he came out the door and stood between us. Leanne and Embry followed but Jared, Jacob and Sam did not. It impressed me that Paul didn't seem the least bit worried by Avery's vampire status. In fact, none of the old pack did, and I wasn't sure if it was just confidence or familiarity.

Avery laughed and shook his head. "We're not doing anything, just talking, Uncle P. I could like this guy, you're cool Jace, you speak your mind. But listen, I didn't choose to crash into a rock, or have Celine find me and bite me. She hunted me, it would have happened regardless of if I had jumped or not. If me being this way meant that she didn't make Phoenix her happy meal, I'm happy to be what I am. Like you, she's my first priority." He was walking around talking to us like he was the lawyer and we the jury. It was highly annoying and cocky. Was he trying to make himself out to be the good guy? Or prove that he was the one she really loved?

Not happening when you're a fucking leech.

"Where is she hiding her? Why did she take her?" I demanded. Was no one listening? I didn't have time to talk shit! (Although I hated that he believed that he had been protecting Phoenix by being Celine's meal. She didn't need any reasons to choose him over me.)

"We need to know now Avery, whatever you think might help, you need to tell us so we can get going, it's been over 24 hours, Phoenix has to be scared," Quil said.

"Or hurt," Leanne added.

"I just want my fucking daughter back, my wife and I can't take this much longer. The only reason why I'm not out there looking my damn self is because Corrie can't be alone like this. You need to tell us something Avery, anything." Paul pushed his hands through his hair and I could see the burning desperation on his face, he was definitely losing it. This was a man used to being in control of everything in his life. I on the hand never had things go my way lately, but honestly, this was just too much. It was too much for the both of us.

Our girl was gone.

I choked on the thought and moved over to the balcony rail to watch down into the yard. The pain of helplessness shot up in my chest, making it hard to breathe. I was so scared, but I was trying not to show it.

Embry squeezed my shoulder in his usual way. "We'll find her, just hold on a little longer. It'll be okay."

I squeezed my eyes shut and nodded. Keep it together for Nix, Ruthie and Corrie, that's what I needed to do.

But I needed answers.

Back in gear, I spun around and watched Avery again, crossing my arms menacingly. "SO? You heard the man, tell us what you know!"

Avery sighed and shook his head. "I don't know. I haven't been able to contact Celine."

"Why not?"

"The number I had for her isn't in service anymore – she rarely keeps a phone for very long. I left her in Mexico, I don't know where she is."

"She's been terrorizing La Push, stalking Phoenix!"

"I don't want to believe it's her Jace."

"We don't have time for your bull Avery! It's HER! And she did this shit for YOU! So we need to go NOW, and you better fucking come up with something." I barked, sticking my finger in his face again. Avery growled at me, causing my father and Paul to pull me away from him again. "You better fucking fix this!" I snapped in final warning.

"Don't worry, I intend to. I intend to fix all of it," Avery smirked at me and a tingling feeling at the back of my neck told me that he was referring to my imprint bond. I bared my teeth and growled in warning. I wasn't taking any threats from that asshole.

"That's enough Jace! Let's go. I'll keep my phone on me Paul so you will have your updates, don't worry. I've got my neck-pouch Phoenix gave me last Christmas – you know I hate the damn thing but I'm hoping it will bring us some luck." Quil hugged Phoenix's father and clapped him on the back as he started down the stairs.

"Be safe Jace, don't do anything stupid, okay? I need you back just as much as you need Phoenix." I hugged my father tightly, comforted by his concern.

"He's right, bring her back, but do it safely," Paul seconded, pulling me in for a tight hug too. Man these older dudes were so mushy and affectionate. But honestly I didn't mind, I craved it. "And if you need to rip open his ass, do it."

My eyes bulged at his whisper which landed directly in my ear. I held back a laugh and nodded. "You got it." At least someone had confidence that I could take him.

 _Heh._

By that time, Tuari, Sammy, Jacob, Sam and Carlisle were coming towards us. I was kinda surprised to see that both Jacob and Carlisle would be running with us too. I wondered if Paul had said something to the alpha or if he was doing this willingly.

"It will be okay Jace, if we could, we'd be out there running too," Leanne said with a sad smile.

I nodded and said my goodbyes. Stripped along with the rest of the pack.

"You okay man?" Tuari asked me as we made our way to the woods together.

"I dunno, how do you think you'd feel if it was Josie?"

"Fucked up. But Nix is my little sister so it's not like I'm not worried too. I hate seeing my parents like this. Especially Dad, he's never hopeless. He always has shit together yuh know? We haven't even told Grammie, she might fucking die if she hears Nix is missing."

I nodded. It was true.

"How you feeling about Avery?"

I jolted a little at the question. I knew that Avery and Sammy could hear us so I wasn't sure how to answer. I liked Sammy a lot, didn't want to offend him.

"I just need him to help us, anything else doesn't matter right now."

"Good because it's time to really be serious about this now guys," Jacob said as we all gathered at the treeline. "Brady and Adrian are out patrolling the Rez for scents in case Celine comes back. We're going to head straight to Forks and try to get as close as we can to the housing areas as wolves. From there we'll move on to Port Angeles. Stick with your buddy unless I say otherwise. We work fast so we can cover as far as Seattle by tonight. We need to find her."

We all nodded and started to phase. Avery just looked at me smugly, not even caring that I was naked.

 _Creep_.

I phased to my wolf right in front of him, sending the bastard stumbling back into a tree which he hit with a loud clap.

 _Asshole_. I thought.

 **EASY Jace, Let's go. (Jacob)**

It was super weird having his alpha voice in my head. It was much stronger and louder than Quil and I hated the feeling of being a puppet on a string. I barked with indignation and ran behind Quil, Avery was a blur beside us along with Tuari and Sammy.

He doesn't mean any harm, try to relax Jace. (Sammy)

 _I'm trying okay, but I just need to find her. (Jace)_

Tuari whined in agreement which caused me to push harder.

So many people were depending on us, we needed to find Phoenix by tonight.


	36. Rescued

A/N: The rescue will take place in two chapters from Phoenix's POV then Jace's. So some blanks will be filled in next chapter.

No copyright infringement intended of Stephenie Meyer's work

Chapter 34 – Rescue

PHOENIX

As soon as my pizza was done I had taken it and some other snacks and water upstairs where I currently was locked away in the bedroom. I had the chest of drawers pushed up against the door so she couldn't easily get in. The bathroom was too small to stay locked in there, so it was acting as my panic room for now.

I had done nothing but eat and sleep a little. Although I had tried to sleep I kept waking up from the nightmares of being eaten by a vampire. Wrapped in a blanket, I had this permanent chill caused by worry, panic and more worry. I was trying to keep it together, I was really trying not to cry too much, but I was still really scared.

Honestly, I wanted Jace. He was the one person who cared about me besides my parents, he was my wolf. He cared about my safety and my happiness. I wished he could make everything better with his bright smile and playful ways. Feeling like I could die at any moment I was filled with regrets. I wished I hadn't pushed my family away when Avery died. I wished I hadn't pushed Jace away and hurt his feelings so many times. I hadn't valued his presence in my life. Instead I had hurt him by comparing him to Avery all the time. I wished I could tell him I was sorry, that I cared about him too, that he really did make me happy over the last week.

Celine came back as promised, by dinner time. I figured she had been hunting or something. I heard her opening and closing the heavily bolted front door before there was suddenly a polite knock on the bedroom door. "I'm back Phoenix, I brought you some Chinese food if you're hungry!"

"No thank you, I had some pizza."

"Oh, that's what that awful scent is. Well, glad to know you made yourself comfortable then."

I didn't respond, only waited to hear what else she had to say.

"Well I hope to hear from Avery soon?"

So did I. I didn't know if he was still my best friend or now my enemy, but I needed Avery to get me out of here if Jace was far away.

"I'll check back on you later, then."

I still said nothing and heard nothing for a while after that. I curled up on the bed in fetal position and sighed, waiting.

XXXX

"Aww little sleeping beauty!" a voice cooed in my ear causing me to scream as I opened my eyes and saw Celine's red ones staring back at me. I must have fallen asleep again.

"NO! Get away from me!" I shrieked. She had pushed the chest of drawers and the door open – rather quietly it seemed.

Shit, these vampires were really creepy.

"Relax, I told you I'm not going to eat you, are you deaf? I prefer men anyways, obviously." She rolled her eyes and I didn't get what she meant.

"What do you mean?" I asked while she watched me calculatingly. I was full on panting and pushed back up against the wall with the blanket, as if the soft wool could be a shield. But her body was so cold that I needed the barrier.

"I wanted Avery, he was so good looking. He just made it easier for me by hitting his head on a rock when he dove in the water that night. He was knocked clean out, would have drowned in a flash if I hadn't been there already waiting for him. I had followed you two from the restaurant actually. It was a perfect catch, showing how meant to be it was that I'd find him."

I shivered at the thought of her stalking us that night, of her stalking me. "Why did you change him?"

"He aroused me in a different way. I wanted him in spite of the weird smell – the wolf smell."

"Oh!" I stiffened. They were lovers?

"Does it surprise you that he's intimate with me?"

I nodded, trying to swallow passed the lump in my throat. Celine was blonde and tall, with long hair and a good body, but she didn't strike me as Avery's type at all. I guess because he had grown up on the Reservation, I felt like I knew his type would be a girl like me.

But it had been a whole year, I didn't know what he liked anymore – maybe being a vampire limited his options anyways. Regardless, Avery was a new person to me now, and it was uncomfortable to think about.

"Are you jealous?" Celine asked, and by her tone it kinda sounded like she wanted me to be.

I shook my head. I honestly didn't know how I felt but I wouldn't admit it to her if I was jealous. Avery was a vampire, I wasn't so sure how romantic I'd feel towards him when he got here. Was he still MY Avery? Could he be? He had basically lied and cheated on me.

"Is it because of that wolf you were with at the mall?"

I nodded. Jace was a good excuse, of course. But this wasn't about Jace really, even though a part of me knew that I had started to develop deeper feelings for him recently. And Celine had come and ruined things with Jace like she had with Avery.

Shit, she was on a streak of wrecking my life!

"Well, it's best that you move on with him anyways. Avery is with me now."

"So why am I here then?" I snapped, really annoyed by her cocky attitude and the realization that all my suffering was because of HER.

"Because he misses his best friend of course! And he didn't want you suffering so much." Celine seemed immune to my attitude as she continued to smile.

"He knew about that?" I asked skeptically. How could he have known?

"Of course he did ma chere!" she smiled in such a feline way and her eyes never left mine as she soundlessly paced in front of the bed. I could barely breath, worried that she was about to pounce on me at any given moment. "You really need to relax, fear is a turn on for vampires, so please stop it. I'm not going to eat you, for the last and final time!"

"How did Avery know about me being sad?"

She waved her hand around and pouted her lips in a way that told me such details didn't matter. "It wasn't hard to guess, obviously you'd be upset over his death wouldn't you?"

I nodded. I felt even more uneasy, and pressed myself into the wall, wishing it would just let me in already. Celine continued to stalk the room, filling me in on their adventures in the last year. Apparently she had taken Avery all around North and South America and even to Europe where they'd hunted, took in the culture at night and "made passionate love." I wanted to gag. She was over eighty years old!

But honestly her words got to me, how could they not? While I had been so sad, while I had been grieving, while I contemplated suicide, Avery had been touring the world and having fun with a leggy blonde? It was like a punch in the gut. And if he had moved on then why was I here? Why would he be missing me? Why would he come back and ruin everybody's lives? We were obviously better off thinking he was dead rather than a vampire! He should have stayed away with her if it meant that I, and everyone else, would be safe from Celine.

I was more confused than ever, and I just wanted to be alone.

No, I just wanted to go home and pretend that my worst nightmare hadn't come true.

XXXX

That night I locked myself in the bathroom with a pillow and blanket when Celine refused to let me close and barricade the door. The shower was good enough if she wanted to be like that. We were not friends, and I had heard enough about her, her life, Avery's performance in bed, and all the plans she had made for them for eternity.

What a bitch! She was just gloating and rubbing it in my face, but refused to answer my questions. I still had no clue where I fit in all of this. I fell asleep finally when outside grew really quiet. I figured it was near midnight or something but I couldn't be sure.

"She's locked in the bathroom? Why would she be in here?" the sound of Avery's voice jumped me awake and I immediately stood to my feet and pressed up against the tiled wall.

He was here. It was really his voice.

"Nix? It's me Ave! Why are you locked in the bathroom, girl?" he was teasing but even I could sense the nervous tension in the way he did it. "Come on, open it, I don't want to have to break the lock. I'm dying to see you!"

"What's going on, why am I here Avery? Are you really a vampire?" I asked shakily.

"Yes I am Nixie, I'm sorry. I'd be really dead if it wasn't for Celine. But I'm still me! I promise that nothing's changed about that."

I snorted and rolled my eyes. I wasn't so sure about that.

"Can we talk?" he asked, his tone ridiculously sweet.

I sighed, I didn't want to see him in his new body but I couldn't avoid it much longer. I had to trust Avery this one time. I slowly walked to the door and unlocked it, then pulled it back slightly. He was standing there on the other side, dressed in expensive clothing.

Seeing him standing there in the flesh hit me like a ton of bricks.

"Avery?" I whimpered. It really was him. His eyes were still brown but with red flecks in them. It wasn't so bad. He just was just really pale and stony looking. His jawline and shoulders were so angular they seemed sharp.

A mixture of disbelief and relief flooded through me and I found myself crying into my hands. Avery was still alive…he wasn't dead.

"Oh Nixie, I missed you so much," he whispered and pulled me into his arms which tightened uncomfortably around me. I jumped away from him, burned by the cold. It was like being hugged by a block of ice. Avery's hugs would no longer be the same. "Sorry, I guess I'm not warm anymore," he grimaced and I could see how hurt he was.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to, it just caught me off guard." I tried to smile but it was hard. My entire body was tense and part of me kept chanting "RUN!"

But still I tried to remind myself that this was AVERY.

"You don't look like you anymore – or smell like you for that matter," he commented with a chuckle, after letting his eyes assess me.

I snorted, "Neither do you Ave." No, he was no longer my Avery at all and it hurt.

"Are you okay? You're not hurt are you?"

"I'm not hurt Avery but I really want to go home, or at least let me call Momma and Daddy now and tell them I'm okay. How long have I been here? How long do you plan to let her do this?"

He sighed and nodded. "I know, I'll tell them you're okay, don't worry about them now."

"Don't tell me not to worry Avery, we could have talked back home! I could have visited you in Forks or something!"

"I didn't ask Celine to do this Nix, okay? It wasn't supposed to happen like this, I was coming home to everyone. Uncle Jake and the Cullens have been helping me the last three months."

"How?" I was shocked to hear this. He had been up North all that time? Why hadn't they told us!

"They've been helping me be like them. I don't like killing people. I know it's natural to vampires but I felt bad knowing that I would disgrace my father and the pack. I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't live with myself knowing that you'd all hate me for what I'd become."

"That's really good of you Avery. It was definitely the right perspective." I was happy to hear that at least he was trying not to be a monster.

"So you don't hate me?" Amazingly, he had that same sad puppy face that he used to when we he was human.

"No I don't." And I didn't, not for becoming a vampire when it wasn't his choice. We looked into each other's eyes for a moment and I couldn't help but dwell on the fact that we were actually here, talking like this. It was so surreal; I was actually talking to Avery. He wasn't gone, he was okay now - but he really had been hurt from the jump. I couldn't help but still feel guilty about that. "I'm sorry about that night. I should have never started that stupid game. Then you wouldn't have gotten hurt, things might have been different."

He reached out and lightly touched my arms, though it was brief it was enough to totally freeze me up again. I inched back a little just because I couldn't help it, it was instinct.

"It wasn't your fault Nix, I was a total show-off. You know how I can get! I was just feeling so happy about my birthday, about us actually being a couple – I was an ass to do that. I'm sorry I hurt you like that. I should have been more careful."

As we looked into each other's eyes, both filled with a tsunami of pain, something in me broke - all the grief that I had been carrying the last year just felt like it was suddenly pouring out of my soul.

It was over. It was finally and completely all over. I didn't ever need to grieve for him again.

"My God Ave, I can't believe this." I collapsed against the doorframe and let him hold my hand even though I was cold and being burned by his icy temperature. His life had been taken by a demonic woman, but Avery was alright.

He gave me an awkward smile while stepping backwards into the bedroom. "Sorry, your scent was just a little too much."

"Oh!" I squeaked, instantly afraid for what that meant.

"I promise I'd never hurt you Phoenix, you know that don't you?"

I looked at him for a moment, then nodded. I had to try trusting him. I needed him to get me home still. "So, can we go now? We can talk back home. Are we far?"

"No, we're not far at all, a little ways between Seattle and Port Angeles."

"Oh." I nodded.

"Leaving so soon?" Celine drawled from the bedroom doorway where she'd suddenly appeared. I knew it was probable that she'd been listening all along.

"I need to get back to my family," I said, holding my head up this time.

"Oh really? Too bad because La Push is not part of our travel plan. Avery, I think we can get a move on. The plane leaves in four hours."

"What is she talking about?" I asked, feeling the panic rising instantly. I didn't want to get on a plane with Celine to fly anywhere.

"Relax Nix, your heart is racing, nothing's wrong. We don't have to do anything you don't want to do."

"What? Of course she does, we had a deal Avery!" Celine roared.

"Celine, I never agreed to any deal and you know that. Right now she's going back to the Rez. You kidnapping her just made things more difficult for me."

"You seem to forget that I don't care about how things are 'back home.' That's not home anymore, the world is our home. I made you and so now you must stay with me – I'm never letting you leave me again. That's how this works mon cher!"

"Just let me take her home! I'll be back later damnit! I'll do whatever you want Celine, just let her go, please."

Celine let out a piercing howl in anger. "Did you not hear what I said? You can't leave me Avery, I won't let you! We had a plan and I'm not letting you mess it up! We are leaving here NOW."

As they argued back and forth I stepped back, bit by bit, just inching my way to the door. They were so upset that I was beyond scared now. I didn't want to get caught in the middle of two vampires fighting! From the looks on their faces they seemed about ready to do just that. I couldn't figure out this plan but it seemed to involve the three of us getting on that plane. Why was it so important to Celine that I be with them? She had made no mention of this when she went on and on earlier.

I was really scared now. What were they going to do to me?

"Nix, you should wait downstairs, I think I need a moment with Celine." Avery grabbed her by the neck and pulled her towards him, but his eyes met mine over the top of her head and somehow I could tell that he was actually giving me a chance to get out of there.

"Fine but make this quick. At least the house is locked so she can't get out anyways." Celine chuckled and instructed me to close the door as she wrapped her arms around my ex-boyfriend.

Great. I hoped they wouldn't be loud about it. Then it struck me, did they want us to be some sort of threesome? Were they going to change me and then I'd have to join in their "fun?" Were they going to change me? Why else would they want me to leave the state with them?

 _No no no no no!_

Celine could keep Avery if that was the plan! I didn't want to leave my home and live with two vampires! I ran down the stairs and tried the front door. It wouldn't even budge. There were no keys, no unbarred windows, nothing. How the hell was I going to get out? I slammed my back against the door and banged my head a few times.

What was I going to do?

"Wuff!" a bark sounded quietly behind me. For a moment I froze, thinking I had dreamt it. But then a quiet scratch on the door let me know that it was real.

Was it a wolf? My heart leapt with the thought and I rolled over to the window next to the door but it was covered in that black stuff. I ran to the kitchen and found a knife and then ran back to the window and started scraping at the glass between the bars. The black film came off and after a little while I made a big enough circle to see out of properly.

A nose popped into the window and I tried not to scream as I scrambled backwards. It was a wolf!

"Jace?" I instinctively whispered.

"Wuff!" it said again and licked the glass. I covered my mouth as I chuckled in my hands.

I couldn't believe it! Jace was here!

Relief flooded my body, but it was a different feeling this time than when Avery came and saved me from being alone with Celine. This time it felt as if I was truly safe.

"I can't get out!" I whispered loudly through the window glass.

He made a pushing movement with his head and nose and I found myself stepping backwards instinctively. A hard pound on the door had me backing up all the way to the stairs as Jace threw his wolf into the wood repeatedly. It was noisy but it would work.

"Jace!" I cried as his huge black and brown wolf tumbled into the room. I wasn't scared. I just ran to him and tried to hug him around his neck. He whimpered and licked at my back and wherever else he could reach. "I missed you too," I said, and I really meant it. I had missed him as much as my family. He was my family now too.

"Aww isn't that sweet? Surprised you found us, _dog?_ Or did Avery fuck up and lead you to me?"

I jumped a little at the chilling voice behind us. Jace growled at Celine and nudged me with his nose, pushing me behind him. I found myself winding my hand into his tail and gripping it firmly. He didn't let on that it was hurting so I held on even tighter. I couldn't let him leave me.

Feeling a cool wind at my back I turned and saw that I was now in the busted doorframe. It was dark out, but I could tell we were somewhere with lots of grass or something. I couldn't see lights or houses nearby. No wonder I hadn't heard much around us. We were out in the middle of nowhere?

"Celine, he's dangerous, don't get too close, love. Just let him take her and you'll be safe. We don't want a war with the wolves," Avery said, coming up to stand behind Celine on the stairs. I almost rolled my eyes at his endearment of her. How could he? How could he after all the pain he put me through, disappearing like that? I couldn't help but feel betrayed, and yet it was obvious that Avery wasn't mine any more. He couldn't be.

 _He never was yours,_ I reminded myself, and it was actually for the first time, rather comforting to know that.

"Do you think I'm scared of that MUTT?" She snorted with laughter. "Come on Avery! Give me a little credit!" Celine tittered and bent slightly forward as she laughed.

It seemed to happen in slow motion before my eyes, even though in reality it was so quick that I thought I had imagined it.

As Celine bent over with her ridiculous laughter, Avery's face tensed and he pushed her forward so hard that she flew into Jace who immediately bit off her head and threw it across the floor.

I screamed so hard that I released his tail and took off running into the dark night. I was totally freaked out by the snarling, screeching and snapping that I was hearing behind me.

They were killing her!

I was relieved but horrified, absolutely _horrified._ I didn't need to see that part of my rescue! I dunno why but I couldn't stop running. I just needed to put some distance between me and the house where a vampire was being ripped to pieces. The house where I had been held captive for what, two days? I still wasn't sure but it couldn't have been more than that.

Not long after I reached a fence and leaned over to catch my breath. I felt cold air blow up around me. I knew it was Avery. His presence was ice while Jace was fire.

"Are you okay?" he asked. I nodded quickly but I couldn't talk yet. "I'm sorry you had to see that but it was the only way. I had to get rid of her."

" I thought you loved her," I panted.

"It wasn't love. She was my sire, I was bound to give her my loyalty and companionship. But eventually I ran away from her and went to the Cullens because I couldn't live like her, like them. She came to La Push and kidnapped you to get me back. I just couldn't let her hurt you, I couldn't trust her not to."

"What did she want with me?" I panted.

Avery shook his head. "You don't wanna know."

"Yes. I do."

He sighed before turning to look at me. "She wanted you to have my baby so that she could have a hybrid child."

"WHAT? Why?" I couldn't believe my ears.

"She had a child in France before she was turned and she kept tabs on her. Her daughter moved to America and had a family after Celine was changed and disappeared. Her daughter recently died of cancer and old age, and Celine wasn't taking it well. She wanted an immortal child she could truly have a family with, and naturally she wanted it to be my child as well. She knows about Bella and Nessie, like most vampires do now. And she thought you could play the role of Bella."

I scoffed. She was totally nuts! But some of the things she'd said to me now made sense.

"I couldn't let her kill you. She wouldn't have turned you like Edward turned Bella. You would have been dead after the baby was born." The thought chilled me to the core and I sucked in a sharp breath in disbelief. "I'm sorry Nix, I never would have gone along with it. I thought by leaving her it would have made everything alright. I didn't think she'd actually get you away from the Rez with all the wolves, I figured you'd be safe. I thought me being with the Cullens would have been helpful in keeping her away. Vampires know of their special abilities and they don't like to get close."

I didn't think I could stomach hearing anymore so I held up my hand and shook my head. "Thank you for helping me, she's really dead right?" I asked.

"Yes, she is, Jace did it..." The mention of Jace made me turn towards the house. What if she'd hurt him somehow?

"He's fine, he's just finishing up…So…um I heard he imprinted on you…you're together now?" he asked, seeming bashful and scared at the same time.

"Well I'm not sure it's official yet…but we've been getting close, hanging out a lot."

Avery sighed and nodded. "I came back for you Phoenix. I still love you with all my heart."

"What about Celine?" I asked cockily, I couldn't believe he was trying to tell me this now when he had been having sex with that woman.

"I had to do what she wanted. I had no choice. I never stopped loving you and I never loved her."

I shook my head, my body filling with resentment and anger. "All I know is that if you truly loved me, you would have sent me an email or something, you would have saved me from myself! I blamed myself all along for your death, and you were still alive! She totally fucked up my life and yours, can't you see that? You should never have stayed with her Avery! You should have _known_ that the pack wouldn't turn you away! Uncle Jake would have protected you from her!"

"Nix I'm sorry! Honest! You're right I should have sent word, but I was ashamed of what I'd become…and if it wasn't for her I'd be dead because it was my stupid idea to jump! I've wished a million times that I hadn't jumped that night. I know I made some really bad choices and I'm sorry I hurt you so much, but I'll make it up to you, I promise." He red-brown eyes pierced mine and I felt a cold shiver down my spine, not the good kind.

All I could think was that he and I were never meant to be and he shouldn't have come back. Not like this. He had made his choices and I had made mine, I promised myself to move on with my life and now that Avery was back, I knew without a doubt that I had to keep looking forward, not backward. Him being a vampire changed EVERYTHING.

And also, there was someone else. "I need to go to Jace, I'm sorry, but I really can't talk about this right now."

"No Nix, please! Don't walk away from me, I'm begging you, you're my only hope! I love YOU!"

It was what I'd wanted for the last year and yet now that Avery was back I didn't want to hear him confess his undying love for me. No, I just couldn't think about what seemed like the impossible right now. "I'm sorry Avery, but everything's changed. We can't go back to the way we used to be."

"Yes we can if you just give me a chance!" He reached out and stepped closer.

I shook my head and stepped away, not letting him touch me. "I'm sorry." I turned and sprinted back through the darkness towards the house. There was a gross smoke filling the atmosphere now. "Jace!" I yelled.

I could see a man's form, broad and dark on the porch. He took a few steps down and started running towards me. Jace reached me a lot faster and scooped me up in his arms. His warmth immediately melted into my body and I collapsed onto his bare shoulder.

I was safe. It was over.


	37. To Kill a Vampire

Thank you for the reviews! I'm so happy you all are enjoying this story as much as I enjoyed writing it.

No copyright infringement intended of Stephenie Meyer's work

Chapter 35 - To Kill a Vampire

JACE

The pack had searched all over the nearby cities and woods and couldn't find a trace of Phoenix's scent or Celine's. We ended up going back to La Push, tired and dejected. It was useless, I was useless. And it was all Avery's fault because he was hiding something, I could just feel it. Or maybe I felt this way because I needed someone to take the blame. If the vamp really wasn't his maker then we'd really be starting at zero with this.

I went straight home and phased back in the yard. Quil had ordered us all to get at least five hours rest until we met up again tomorrow. It was pretty late, after midnight. But as I stopped by my bedroom window, something told me not to go in. I couldn't give up no matter how tired I was. So I phased again and just let my wolf run. I hadn't realized that I was heading to Forks until I saw the Cullen house further up across the river. I crouched in the bushes and kept my eyes focused for any movement. I would see a lot better if I could get closer but I didn't want to cross the boundary line.

After about a half hour I finally heard something move.

"I thought I smelled a dog." Avery suddenly appeared in front of me, his disgusting leech scent accosting my nostrils. "What are YOU doing out here?" he asked.

I quickly phased back, pulled on my shorts and stood behind the bush. "Waiting for something to happen."

"Waiting for me to sneak away and lead you to Nix?"

"Which you just happened to be doing right now?"

"Can't you just stay out of it?"

"No I can't! She's MY imprint in case you forgot!"

"Yeah, I know, how could I forget," Avery snapped disapprovingly.

"Wait, you actually know where she is?" I hissed and stomped over to him, administering a hard shove to his stone-like chest. Where the fuck was he off to?

"Don't forget yourself Jace, I can kill you in the blink of an eye," he threatened.

I rolled my eyes and sucked my teeth. "Where the fuck are you going Avery? And don't even try to fucking lie either."

He glared at me for a moment then shrugged. "Celine sent me an email okay? She wants me to meet her at this old farmhouse. I told the others I needed to hunt – which wasn't a lie." He whispered really softly so no other vampires could hear us no doubt.

"So you really didn't know where she was all this time?" I kept my voice super low too, but that didn't hide my distrust.

"No and she's said she doesn't have Nix. But I'm not sure whether or not she's lying - she didn't exactly give me a straight answer, she just wants me to come meet her to find out. It could be a trick just to get me to go."

"Or she really fucking has her!" I argued. It was obvious the bitch had her.

"Look, she's pissed because I left her okay? I need to go alone and see what's going on. I have to be really careful about how I do this - I can't risk the pack coming and pissing her off more."

"So you admit it then, _you're_ the reason she took Phoenix, it was all to get _you_ back! And you acted like you knew nothing but you did!" I wanted to kill him.

"I didn't know for sure! I _still_ don't - I just said that! I have to go before I can know for sure, Jace."

"Don't be stupid alright? Not with Phoenix's life on the line. Celine HAS HER, and you're not going without ME."

In the finality of my decision I started walking and Avery tried to pull me back. His cold hands burned my skin and I yelped, pulling away from him. "Don't fucking touch me again!"

"Be quiet!" he hissed. We stood there staring mutinously at one another, both of us ready for a fight. "Look, just give me a number to call you or something when I have her, IF she's there, alright?"

"NO Avery. I don't trust you. I'm not letting you go without me, if she's there I have a right to help get her out, you can't handle her and Celine at the same time, she could be hostile."

"I can handle it."

"No I honestly don't think you can. Celine needs to be handled _permanently._ You think you could do that?" I asked.

"It won't be necessary."

I scoffed. "Are you insane? She's not going to let you and Nix go otherwise she would never have taken her! She came onto the _Rez_ amongst a pack of wolves and stole an imprint away Avery, she can't be trusted and you can't keep Nix safe and deal with her at the same time. I can't see it and I'm not putting my imprint at risk. Celine will kill her."

"I SAID don't need your help, I can do this on my own," he seethed, his razor teeth grinding together as he scowled.

"I'm coming with you or I go and alert everyone to what's going on."

He hesitated and rolled his eyes. "You're a fucking asshole," he growled but I stood there, not budging. _"Fine_ but we do this MY WAY."

"Whatever." I rolled my eyes and followed Avery into the night.

I wouldn't hesitate to kill the _both_ of them if needed. I knew I had it in me. Phoenix was my only priority, I hoped he knew that. Avery ran to the garage and met me at the bottom of the driveway in a black Mercedes. He drove us out of La Push and past Port Angeles.

"So you and Nix huh?" he asked, breaking the silence.

"We're not having this conversation," I grumbled.

"I heard she'd been avoiding you." Of _course_ they'd blabbed and told him the truth. "But she's given that up now right? You must be happy. I heard you two are 'just friends.'" He chuckled, believing that he had in fact "burned" me.

I snorted and kept my eyes out the wide open window. My poor nose was stuck out there like a real dog. He smelled like death and sugar.

"But you know, it's whatever _she_ wants Jace, I hope you can understand that and step aside if she changes her mind again."

I turned and stared at him wide-eyed at the implication. "I hope YOU can understand that it's about what's BEST for her!"

"I'm still the same person though, being a vampire hasn't changed that or what she and I had."

"NOOOOO, it definitely has. You're a fucking leech, blood is what you love more than anything. Your very existence puts her life in danger. She's always at risk once she's in your presence Avery. And you know I'm not being unreasonable about that! She's with a fucking leech right now! Do you know how much I wanna kill you for that? This is all _your_ fault."

"I hate myself enough already, don't worry. But I'd never want to hurt her. I wanted to come back and try to get my life back like how it used to be. I miss Phoenix more than real life. Celine is not my family even though we had fun together… I can't spend my life being her boy toy."

I snorted. "I bet you can't."

"Look, Celine has a lot of stupid ideas sometimes, and this time she took it too far, but IF she has Phoenix, she hasn't hurt her."

"Yet." I growled. "And if she hurts her, you're dead."

"No problem, I'll help you."

I rolled my eyes and mumbled. "Whatever."

I hated him. He had basically just implied to me that he wanted Phoenix back, that it was going to be HER choice. Was he out of his mind? How was that supposed to work? And what about our imprint?

I'd die if he won her back.

I'd die if that's what she'd choose.

All types of horrifying thoughts about them reunited plagued me as we continued to drive. I was getting antsy and ready to question him again when he pulled off at an exit that led us to this lonely area that had houses really far apart. Finally, we came to a stop a little ways off from an old white house with a huge front porch.

"She's here," I declared. "I knew it!" I could suddenly feel the pull to her in my chest. _Finally_ the bond was doing its fucking job.

"Okay. But I'm going in and bringing Phoenix out, if you get out the car before then, she'll smell you. If she doesn't have to see you at all, the better, in fact. I don't want her to think I am double-crossing her. She'll come after La Push again." He whispered really low that a human wouldn't have heard it.

"I'll stay in the car for now, but in my opinion, you've got me here, let's just end this shit. The only way to protect Phoenix is to kill _her._ She's too good at getting past the pack. Embry said she's better than Victoria back in their day." I whispered back.

Avery rolled his eyes. "Celine is like a fucking cat, it doesn't surprise me."

I watched him get out and walk over to the door. He banged on it a couple times. I realized that he hadn't agreed to my plan. What was he so scared of? Did he have a thing for the vamp after all that talk he put down about leaving her? I should have suggested he run off with her and send a sorry note to the pack.

The door opened and Celine drooled all over Avery, pulling him into the house.

 _Disgusting._

It definitely was the same leech we'd been chasing relentlessly the last few days. That fucking bitch. I couldn't hear them talking properly, everything was muffled, but I recognized Phoenix's voice when she started to talk. I could feel her emotions clearly now. She was scared, and maybe in shock or something. I wasn't sure if she was happy that Avery was with her. Then after a while her feelings changed to fear and panic and I found myself stripping and getting out of the car and instinctively phasing. If she was feeling scared, then she was in danger, and I couldn't sit by and just feel it and do nothing.

Jace where are you? I could hear the wolves in my head.

I _'m with Avery getting Phoenix, I don't have time to talk right now._

They started asking questions but I blocked them out. They would simply have to watch through my head.

I crept low over to the porch and tried to see inside but I realized the windows were blacked out. I heard someone jimmying the locks and Phoenix's scent grew stronger. I barked to let her know I was out here. I could hear her running around and then she attacked the window with a knife. My smart girl.

"Jace?" she asked as I pressed my face up to the glass and I barked again to let her know it was really me. I was so fucking happy, she was okay! I could hear patrolling wolves back in La Push getting excited in my head but I blocked them out again, keeping my focus only on the task at hand.

She told me she couldn't get out of there and I knew that I had to break down the door. She was my first priority, I just had to trust that Avery could keep Celine occupied long enough for me to blast in and secure Nix. From the sounds of it, they were actually getting it on right now.

Well, hey, he had to do what he had to fucking do! Literally.

After two hard pushes the wood finally broke and I went crashing into the room. Phoenix was in her pajamas and a hoodie, disheveled, but okay. She seemed so happy to see me as she said my name again. We clearly didn't care if the vampire girl heard us, which she must have by now. I didn't expect her to run across the room and hug me like that but my wolf instantly felt better as I tried to lick-kiss my imprint as much as I could. I was just so relieved that Phoenix was okay.

"I missed you too," she murmured and the empty space in my chest where she was supposed to be, closed up and I felt whole.

She was safe and she was with me where she belonged.

"Aww isn't that sweet? Surprised you found us, _dog?_ Or did Avery fuck up and lead you to me?"

This BITCH! I wanted to rip her to shreds RIGHT NOW. The wolves in my head started chanting that I should do it, throwing advice. I growled at Celine and simultaneously nudged Phoenix with my nose until she was safely behind me. She grabbed on to my tail and it comforted me to know that she was right where I needed her to be – out of the way but close by.

"Celine, he's dangerous, don't get too close, love. Just let him take her and you'll be safe. We don't want a war with the wolves." Avery advised, standing behind Celine on the stairs. He looked at me briefly but gave no indication of what to do so I stayed on guard as I watched the two of them.

"Do you think I'm scared of that MUTT?" The bitch snorted with laughter. "Come on Avery! Give me a little credit!" she started to overdo it with the gloating and began slapping her knee as she laughed.

My eyes brightened, this was it, she was totally off guard. Quil was in my head, telling me to take her down but be careful. I looked over at Avery and wiggled my eyebrows. He seemed to get it and after a moment's hesitation, he pushed Celine forward and straight into my jaws. I caught her perfectly and wasted no time ripping her head off. Both Phoenix and the vampire screamed and I almost dropped Celine to run after Phoenix. She had let go of my tail and darted outside.

"Avery you asshole!" Celine's head screeched from the floor, freaking me out.

"Sorry, not sorry - you should have left me the fuck alone a year ago." I was actually impressed with Avery's sincerity as he basically gave Celine the boot.

I kept ripping her to shreds but Avery left, telling me he would find Phoenix. I didn't like that but Quil ordered me to take care of Celine first so I kept going. I phased back and created a pile outside, ignoring Celine's begging and pleading for me to spare her life. I found a box of matches in the kitchen drawer and came back just in time to stop Celine from trying to piece herself back together.

"You're getting what you deserve bitch. This is for taking my girl away." I struck the match and dropped it on to the dismantled vampire, cringing at both the smell and shrieking noise she made.

Satisfied that she was totally done for, I ran to the car for my pants. I couldn't let my imprint see me naked – not like this at least. The fire was almost gone already time I got back to the spot. I had no idea that the leeches burned so quickly. They really stunk on all levels too. It was totally nasty.

I couldn't believe that I had actually killed one – with Avery's assistance at that. I had done it though, and my imprint was now safe. Well no, she wasn't quite safe because she was still in close proximity to a vampire!

I could make her and Avery out in the distance and I fought the urge to rush over there and pull her away from him. They weren't touching or anything, just talking. If I trained my ears I could probably make out their exact words too but honestly I didn't want to. She seemed upset with him and that was good enough for me. I couldn't deal with the situation between the two of them right now – I was beyond tired and hungry, not in the right frame of mind to logically contemplate their status. Plus I'd rather not hear anything unless she said it to my face.

But I just wanted Phoenix to come back to me. I just needed to hold her in my human form now. I needed to see her face, to know if she really missed me. The way she held my wolf kinda got my hopes up. I knew she was relieved that I was there to get her out, but I couldn't help but hope that this whole situation had made her want me and not him.

"Jace!" the sound of my name coming from her lips made the wolf stir. I could hear the thumping of her feet as she pelted towards me through the darkness.

I practically flew off the porch and in a few short seconds I was lifting Phoenix Lahote into my arms and relishing in the electrical feeling that spread through my body upon contact.

She ran to me.

"Are you okay?" she breathed when I finally set her down.

"Yeah, you?"

She nodded. "I am now. I'm so happy she's gone."

"Did she hurt you?"

"No, she just said a lot of things I didn't need to hear."

"How did you get here?" I couldn't stop looking her body over to make sure she was really okay.

"She drugged me and took me in a car I think."

"We've been so worried, you have no idea." I pulled her in for a tight hug again and kissed her on the forehead.

"I've been worried too. I thought I'd never see you or my family again."

My heart skipped a beat at her admission. "I could never let that happen, I couldn't lose you Nix. I never gave up trying to find you."

She nodded and rested her head on my arm. "Thank you Jace."

"Anytime. But I hope you know this makes it two times that I've saved your life now."

"Annnnddd?" she rolled her eyes playfully.

"Annnnddd, don't make it a habit okay?" I chuckled.

She smiled and looked up at me with those beautiful eyes. "I promise not to try."

"Good. Come on, let's get you home okay? We've got at least two hour's drive to make." My wolf insisted that we get our imprint home where she'd be properly safe.

"Avery?" Phoenix called out and he suddenly appeared out of thin air. Phoenix jumped slightly and I steadied her with my hand on her lower back.

"Yes?" he said, giving her a smile that made me want to punch him in the lip. "Ready to go?"

She nodded and looked up at me and so I took her by the hand and led her to the car. We piled in the backseat. It was a small fit for me personally so we pushed the passenger seat forward much to Avery's annoyance. Avery asked Phoenix questions about Celine's behavior. Poor guy was struggling it seemed. I guess when you went from fucking someone to killing them, you would feel a little rattled.

Like the night before she'd been kidnapped, my imprint willingly gave into the wolf heat, snuggled into my chest and fell asleep. It made my heart soar.

"Thank you," I told Avery. We were just sitting there in silence while he drove us home.

"Don't thank me, I did it for her," he said quietly.

"Doesn't matter. You did good. It had to be done, I hope you can understand that. If you want to be like the Cullens and she wanted you to stay with her, it was necessary. She hunted you and made you into a monster."

"I know. But I'd rather be this than dead! She saved my life alright? I cracked my skull open and she saved me. So just lay off my fucking back! I get it, you got everything I ever wanted but you don't have to rub it in my fucking face. Accepting that I would never have been Nix's imprinter is enough to deal with on its own."

"I'm not trying to rub anything, relax." I hadn't meant to offend him although I was glad he knew that she was never his for the long haul. He was Phoenix's first love but I was determined to be the last. "But I know how you feel, it's not exactly fun watching your soulmate choose a dead guy over you."

"What do you mean?"

"Like you don't know? She couldn't move on. She felt like it was betraying you because she was the reason you jumped. She felt like she killed you."

"Josie kinda told me she felt guilty. I already told her she wasn't to blame for any of this though, so she'll be okay now."

"Yeah, well, she was getting better before Celine took her. I was finally getting her to be happy again, and then she was gone." I couldn't help but feel resentful about it.

"I didn't mean for any of that to happen. I want her to be happy too."

"Even if it's with me?" I doubted that very much. Hadn't he already said he missed her? He was still going to come back and try to win her heart regardless of Celine.

He shrugged and snorted. At least he was being honest.

Phoenix started to stir and whimper in her sleep, so we said nothing more as we drove to the Lahote compound. Upsetting her was not an option so I kept my mouth shut and luckily Avery understood it was best for us not to talk in front of her.

Of course Jacob, Sam, Embry, Quil and Paul were there as soon as the doors slammed. It was a tearful reunion for the Lahotes and I couldn't thank the Spirits enough for helping me live up to my promises to them.

"You're alright, Jace. You're worthy of my daughter," Paul said respectfully with a pat to my back. "Whatever you need, just ask."

I couldn't help but smile and nod. "Thanks, Paul. It means a lot. I hope you understand now just how much I care about her."

"I never said I didn't get it, I just don't like the idea of a wolf and my daughter. I was once your age so I know _exactly_ what goes on. As Jared puts it, 'It's a whiney wolf that constantly needs to be stuck up its imprint's ass' – or something like that, I can't remember."

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. "We're just friends so relax."

"Anyone who can step in for me and get the job done is family. I had faith in you kid, I knew your wolf would get her back. I've been there."

"Really?" I asked, perplexed.

"When we were pregnant with Ari a vampire tried to take Corrie from me too, but I didn't let it win. Your father was there to help."

"Really?" I asked Embry, who just nodded with that proud look in his eyes.

"And next time, stop and pick up a fucking phone and let us know something! Your father almost had a heart-attack calling around the pack when he checked in on you and found you gone. We couldn't believe that you and Avery had gone off on your own." Paul knocked me around the head as only he could. "Ari picked up your scent by the Cullens'."

"Sorry but he said it had to be done quietly because of Celine – he didn't even want me to come but I threatened to tell everyone if he didn't. We were only protecting Nix and then we just wanted to get her straight back home."

Paul nodded and Embry gave me a half smile, as he and Quil had been listening to us talk.

"We're just glad everything worked out okay, but the pack stays together Jace, no more vigilante shit. From what I saw in your mind, I was very impressed though, good job. Ari and Sammy are green with envy," Quil said with a nod of respect. It was nice making them proud; back in Cali, Brendon wasn't one to feel proud of anyone but himself…

"And I won't even tell you how mature it was that you and Avery could work together, son." Embry said with a hint of sarcasm.

I grunted and rolled my eyes showing him that I wasn't amused by that observation. Avery and I definitely would never be friends at this rate.

Phoenix was taken upstairs by her mother to get a shower and some rest and I went with my father back to our place. She had given me a small smile before she went inside and it gave me another rush of hope that things were still progressing between us.

Avery had left with Jacob and Sam to go back to his side of the treaty line. None of the three said anything me before they went either and I wasn't sure how to feel about that.

But I hoped that for my sake, he'd leave us alone.

I deserved to be happy with my soulmate, and so did she.


	38. Yours

To answer your question, Valerie won't make an appearance until after the Avery drama which will take place for the next few chapters. This chapter is just a filler where Jace and Phoenix check in after the rescue. Thanks for reading!

No copyright infringement intended of Stephenie Meyer's work

Chapter 36 – Yours

PHOENIX

Celine's red eyes were permanently etched into my brain. I woke up panting as if I truly had been running through the forest trying to escape her. I could still hear her annoyingly high-pitched voice and wicked laugh.

 _She's gone. She's dead, she can never hurt you again._

I needed to keep reminding myself of this fact.

It was over. The nightmare was over and I had nothing to be scared of again. The vampire bitch was dead forever and I was safe in my home on the Rez.

But it didn't help remembering that she had been here, in my room, that she had drugged me and stolen me away from my family. I shivered even though it wasn't cold.

Looking over at my clock I registered that it was after twelve in the afternoon. I decided I'd had enough rest and took another shower before pulling on a pair of black skinny jeans and a simple white t-shirt with a rainbow on the front. I shoved on a beanie since I had no desire to brush and style my hair and slipped in some silver hoops.

I had dark circles under my eyes again and was tempted to hide them behind my dark sunglasses, but I'd just look stupid and raise suspicion. I went down to the kitchen and found my family gathering everything for lunch. Everyone gave me tight hugs and smiles and then we had our meal together. Daddy had ordered from Auntie Kim's restaurant to spare Momma the hassle. I was so happy to be back home with them, to be safe again.

"Sleep well pooh bear? No nightmares I hope?" Daddy asked. Ruthie giggled at one of his many nicknames for us girls. I could see the worry on both my parents' faces. They had been really worried, I was sure. I hated that Celine had hurt my family like this – and it was all to get Avery back.

"Um, I guess. I'm okay though, don't worry about it."

My parents shot each other looks across the table and I could see that my response had only worried them more.

"What was it like seeing a vampire Nix?" Ruth asked.

"Ruthie!" Momma scolded.

But the way they all looked at me, I knew they wanted to know what I had endured since I hadn't wanted to talk much about it last night. All I'd wanted was a shower, hot chocolate and a sandwich, and sleep.

"It was scary. She didn't hurt me but she wasn't that nice…she was intimidating."

"Where did she take you?" Ari asked.

"To some house in the middle of nowhere. The place was barred up and the windows were black so I couldn't see anything until Jace came and helped me."

"Did Jacey eat the vampire?" Ruth asked, her eyes wide and filled with awe.

"Something like that, he used his sharp wolf teeth but he didn't swallow her." He definitely didn't eat Celine but I didn't want to tell her that he'd ripped her to shreds.

"I still can't believe Jace has only been a wolf for a month and he's killed a leech!" Ari whined like a baby. He was yet to even see a bad vampire up close.

Daddy grunted with a proud smile on his face. "He definitely surprised the shit outta me."

"More like impressed," Momma mumbled and rolled her eyes at me with a smile. "He hasn't stopped talking about it."

I couldn't help but smile back. I assumed that Jace had gained triple mega points for rescuing me and it actually made me feel good for him.

"If only I could call Val and tell her about what he did. I'm so proud of him. He kept his promise."

"What promise?" I asked my mother.

"To bring you home safely, of course."

I felt a sudden warmth flow through me. Jace had promised to find me and bring me home to my family? Gawd, he was SO sweet.

"Jacey was sad. He looked everywhere for you Nix!" Ruth told me. I was touched by how much my sister adored my wolf.

My wolf. That was the second or third time I'd said that. And I couldn't deny it, MY wolf had rescued me.

"You should go see him today, or rather, invite him over, I'm sure he'd love to check up on you Phoenix."

I nodded at my mother. I wanted to see him too, suddenly it was all that I wanted. I hardly had much of an appetite for whatever reason but forced myself to eat a hefty lunch since I'd missed a few meals while being kept captive. I quietly listened to my family chat away, trying to be as normal as possible. I knew they wanted to make things comfortable for me and change the subject from my abduction but Celine's eyes still haunted me. Avery's new vampire face, his hard as stone body, his freezing temperature – they still bothered me.

And then there was the fact that Avery was back. He was back, in my life, I think.

But he was now a vampire, and it was unsettling. And what was more unsettling was that he wanted us to be together again. He still loved me.

I hadn't allowed myself to think about it any further since last night. Could I really still feel something for him even though he had now changed into a dangerous creature? Would it be genuine or just out of nostalgia? Avery was ice cold, uncomfortably cold. Being near to me was hard for him…That meant that things could never be the same again. Avery was back yes, but what was there really left about US? He clearly wanted me to be with him again but it just didn't feel like an option. And I found myself considering if I could only because I felt bad about hurting him, not because it was what I wanted. I honestly didn't feel totally safe with him like I did with Jace. Jace was a dangerous creature too, but it simply wasn't the same.

What intrigued me was the fact that they had worked together to rescue me either. Were they friends now, or just cool as cousins? I just didn't know where this left the three of us. Would I have them both in my life now or only one? The future made me anxious.

I just never expected to see Avery again. I thought things were getting better not more complicated. I was glad that he was "alive" but his return would only turn my life upside down – it already had. I was worried about how Jace would handle this most of all. I knew he didn't like the bond I had with Avery, as much as he tried to be understanding.

The doorbell rang as I was stacking dishes into the dishwasher. Momma had told me not to bother but I just wanted some sort of normalcy.

 _"Jace!"_ My little sister shouted excitedly from the foyer. My heart instantly started to race and I quickly dried my hands on the front of my jeans. Momma threw me a knowing smile as she finished packing the leftover food into containers. I had never gotten a chance to call him, but I should have known that he'd come visit anyways.

 _"How are you? Did you eat? We have some lunch in the kitchen?_ " Momma asked as she went to greet him for me.

" _I'm good thanks, I ate just before I came._ " Jace's voice was getting closer and my heart seemed to beat harder with every step he took.

" _Phoenix is in the kitchen, just go on through."_

 _"Okay, thanks."_

I leaned against the counter, fixing my beanie and straightening my shirt, suddenly so nervous. I took a deep breath just as Jace walked into the room. His face immediately broke into a huge smile as he watched me from head to toe and in three quick strides he was pulling me into his chest and covering me with his warmth.

I wasted no time wrapping my arms firmly around his waist and tightened my grip on his warm, muscular body.

I exhaled into his chest.

 _This_ embrace was warm and soft and safe, what I needed.

We stood like that for a while, listening to one another's heartbeats and rhythmic breathing. Jace's heat was so soothing I could easily fall asleep in his arms. Finally, he pulled back a little and I raised my head to look at him. His smoky eyes were worried as he stared into mine.

"I'm fine…" I said softly.

"Are you sure?" He asked, and I could see how much he wanted me to be straight with him.

"I-I had a nightmare about Celine…but it wasn't serious. Just the same dream I had before she took me."

"You had dreams about her before?" his black eyebrows bunched together and his nose wrinkled as he tried to understand what I was saying.

"Yeah…I didn't think it was real but I guess I have visions like Momma and Grammie. They dream things that will happen too."

Jace sighed. "I know about your Mom."

"You do?"

"Yeah, the night I phased, I heard her telling your Dad that we were going to imprint, that she dreamed it."

My mouth dropped in surprise. I didn't know that!

"I wish you had told me about the dream, I'd never have left you unguarded at night – especially if you were scared."

"I'm sorry," I murmured. "I didn't think it was real."

"Well never doubt your dreams again okay? I'd rather not take any risks."

Jace ran his hand over the top of my hat and rested his forehead against mine.

We were super close now. Our noses were touching and I felt a warm electric tingling course through my body. I found myself responding to the pull of his wolf, my wolf. Without thinking I raised my head a little at the same moment Jace lowered his a little more and our lips touched. Jace's hand moved to cup my jaw and the kiss deepened.

I had never felt anything so amazing before. He was warm and minty sweet. He took his time, gently kissing and tasting my lips. We didn't use tongue, but it was just as nice, it was perfect.

"I worried about you so much Phoenix, I missed you," Jace murmured against my pulsating mouth.

"I missed you too." I hadn't been gone that long but it had been long enough to make me appreciate what he and I shared.

"I don't wanna lose you, ever," Jace said and kissed me again. His hand moved to the back of my neck and he pressed himself closer to me, this time asking for entrance to my mouth. I opened up to him with a moan, and my hands slid up his chest and locked around his neck.

When I finally pulled away, I was blissfully breathless. My head was light and swimming with emotions. I felt drunk or something, as my body was totally relaxed and warm, my bones felt like jelly.

"Wow." Jace said with a smile.

I couldn't help but smile and blush too. Internally I was freaking out. I had just kissed Jace, again! But this time I wasn't nervous or second-guessing anything. It was what I had wanted. I wanted to be close to him like this.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that." He flashed me another killer smile pulling me in for another embrace.

I was full on blushing and needed to change the topic or I'd combust. "How about you? Are you okay? I mean…after what you had to do." I asked.

Jace shrugged and leaned up against the counter, releasing me in the process. "I mean, I didn't want to kill someone, but I had to do it to keep you safe. She took you from me, there was no way I was letting her live after that." I felt another jolt of warmth flow through me. He was so protective of me, to know he cared so much made me feel something I couldn't put a name to.

"You're a real wolf now, you've hunted and killed to protect your imprint," I said with a smile which made Jace blush. He reached out and pulled me to him again, and I could tell he needed to be close to me to tame the beast.

"I think Avery's upset with me for making him kill her. But I mean, it was the only solution – he wanted to be free of Celine and I needed you to be safe from her. How else could we achieve either of those things? She had to go."

Avery. The mention of my best friend, my undead boyfriend…ex-boyfriend, made me instantly tense up. I hadn't thought about him once since Jace came through the door. And to hear now that he was possibly hurting over killing Celine? It made me worry. Had I caused Avery to lose someone important to him? I didn't know quite what to think. Avery made it seem like he had to get away from her but maybe he did really care about the vampire.

Jace reached over and pulled at my chin so that I would stop chewing on my bottom lip. "Talk to me," he said.

I shook my head and wrapped my arms around myself. His face immediately darkened as I did that, so I dropped my hands to my sides. "I just…don't want him to be hurt. He's been through enough Jace, he's a vampire, he didn't deserve that fate."

"He said he'd rather be that than dead." I didn't know how to react to that yet on some level it was understandable. "He said he misses you more than his real life. I think he wants you back, Nix." The pain and fear in Jace's voice and on his face were clear. I took a deep breath and paced around a little. "Do you think you'd…want him back?"

I stopped and looked him in the eyes. "I ….I don't think it would work out because..yuh know..."

"Yeah, but hypothetically…you'd want him back?"

I didn't know how to answer that. If Avery wasn't a vampire, maybe I would, but maybe I wouldn't. I mean, I had Jace now too, whom I also cared about. The imprint bond said I belonged with him. After those kisses we shared I knew that my feelings had definitely grown. There was something between us, we were soul mates, how could I ignore that now? Hadn't I been accepting over the last few days that _this_ was meant to be and Avery was not?

"I don't think so Jace, he's not the same person anymore. It doesn't even matter."

"Yes it does because I need to know if you still _love him_. I don't know if I can live my life constantly waiting for you to love me while he's hovering in the background. I don't want to wait for you to choose me, or for you to settle because of the imprint, I want to know that _I'm_ the one you want, one hundred percent."

I nodded. It was reasonable. But I didn't like being forced to express such feelings so soon. We were just starting to spend time together. I didn't want to make any declarations right now, I just wanted this to grow naturally between us. "I don't want to rush this just because he's back. I care about you."

"And I don't want to be played for a fool now that he's back."

I threw him a sharp look, not appreciating his response. "I wouldn't try to hurt you intentionally Jace."

"I don't think you would either but I just can't shake the feeling that he'll take you away from me. You were pushing me away all this time because of him, is it surprising that I'm concerned that you'll do it now he's actually here? He's a vampire Nix, you shouldn't be with him but I know better than to get comfortable just because of that. Look what happened with Bella and Jacob, she still chose Edward after Jacob pieced her back together!"

"He didn't imprint on her though, so it's not the same."

"But they still loved each other right? They could have been happy if Edward had never come back. Embry told me about it."

I sighed and threw my arms up in defeat. "You're right okay? He still loves me and he wants me back…he told me that last night. He wants me to give him a chance."

Jace growled and his fists clenched at his side. For a quick moment I saw amber flash in his eyes. "And what did you say?" he prodded, relaxing his hands and taking a deep breath to control the wolf.

"I said no. I don't think I still love him like that. He was with Celine all this time and he didn't even think to call me. So in my opinion, our relationship is over. And he's a vampire now, and that changes everything for me."

"You don't want to be with him?" He asked, his insecurity making his face the epitome of hope and fear.

I shook my head. "No. I can't."

"Just promise me you'll be upfront with me Phoenix, promise me you'll tell me the truth if your feelings for him change. The sooner I know the better, okay?"

I nodded, feeling kinda sad that Jace expected me to just dump him like that. But I couldn't blame him for that, I had been choosing Avery all along, and that was when I thought he was dead dead. But a vampire? I couldn't even hug him and be comfortable. Nothing between us was natural anymore. It was something else to grieve for, but I was done being sad. All I wanted to do was move on with my life and let the past remain in the past. I couldn't hurt anymore over Avery Uley, that much I was certain about.

I had taken that mental picture off the wall. I had let that old dream go. It was gone, dead.

I took a deep breath, needing to explain myself to my wolf. "When Avery came to meet Celine and I saw him, I felt this release. I felt like everything I had been through in the last year was finally over. I could stop grieving, I could stop blaming myself, I could stop wishing for him to be back. He's a vampire yes, but more importantly, he's okay. That's all I want. I don't need to be with Avery anymore, not as anything more than a friend or maybe acquaintance. I just want to be happy and you make me happy Jace."

"You promise?" I could see how much he wanted to believe and trust me in his eyes.

I nodded and smiled a little to reassure him. "I promise."

Jace cupped my face in his warm hands, looking down at me with so much affection. "I wanna stay here and be with you Phoenix, I want a future with you. I want you to be mine always," His expression changed and I could tell that he was now asking me to say the words.

I wasn't ready to say "I love you," but I was ready to commit to us.

"I'm yours," I declared.

And I really meant it.


	39. Where Loyalty Lies

Thank you for the reviews :)

No copyright infringement intended on Stephenie Meyer's work.

Chapter 37 – Where Loyalty Lies

PHOENIX

The second day after Jace brought me home, I was busy cleaning out my room. I needed to just rearrange things, change the energy of my personal space after all that happened. Grammie had taught me how to smudge and create positive energy around me. Even though I had refused to use her healing techniques when I was grieving, I knew that I needed them now. I had a whole year's worth of pain and nightmares to get rid of. And now that I was moving on with Jace I wanted a fresh start and a fresh space for us. We both deserved this clean slate.

Now that I had made up my mind about Jace – about pursuing a future with him, _slowly_ – I wanted everything around me to reflect that. I knew that he needed the reassurance from me, that I was serious about us. I didn't need constant reminders of Avery because it would only upset my wolf unnecessarily. It would upset me too, because my best friend was now a vampire, the enemy of my wolf family. While it was good that he would be taken care of by Uncle Jake and Aunt Nessie, and we could still live like family in a weird way, it also meant that he wouldn't be around the Reservation much anymore. Really and truly, Avery wasn't one of _us._ Celine had made sure of that.

The fact that she had hunted Avery, as bad as it sounds, lifted the guilt from my shoulders. She would have attacked him at some point even if we hadn't gone out for his birthday. It was horrible of me to think it, but maybe Avery was destined to be a vampire regardless. Coming to that conclusion – one I'd never voice out loud to anyone - I felt like I could finally breathe again, like all the guilt and worry and regret had been absolved. My sins had been washed away now that I knew the truth. And it opened me up, my heart felt lighter and after a year of self-imposed introversion, I just needed to be attached and not just to anyone, to Jace. He was mine and I couldn't run from that. I didn't want to anymore. I'd always wanted what my parents had, and my dreams were now coming true.

I thought that I would have been holed up in the dark, crying over being kidnapped, but I felt as though I was finally free from the darkness. I didn't want to wallow in self-pity or hide from the world anymore. I wanted to live and enjoy life. I was determined to do that every day from now on. Auntie Kim was very happy to hear it when she came to talk yesterday. She advised me to be careful, that Avery and Jace didn't hit it off when they first met, reinforcing my decision to remove Avery from my life.

I packed up the garbage bags of stuff I wanted to dump, and clothes I wanted to donate. I knew that Avery wouldn't want his old clothes back, and I wasn't going to be mean and try to return them, I knew that would only offend him and his family. Plus, from what I could tell, his style was totally different now, much more mature.

I grabbed a hot shower then slid into a comfortable dress and cardigan. I went down to my studio where I could find the peace to clear my head. A while later my cell rang and I picked it up, knowing it was Josie by the ringtone.

" _Hey, can you come over?"_ she asked.

"Uh, I guess, why?"

 _"No reason, just wanted to hang out - If you're up for it that is."_

"Um…I dunno…?"

" _Oh come on, please? You really gave me a scare Nix, and we need to talk."_

"About?"

" _About my brother, what else_?"

I sighed loudly. "Okay…I guess I can come over in a little while."

" _Great, see you soon Nix."_

I ended the call and set it down on the table in my studio. I'd been putting more finishing touches on Jace's wolf.

I honestly didn't want to talk to Josie about Avery's return but it felt rude to refuse her. We had both been through so much in the last year, I had hurt her so much in my state of obsession and grief. Her twin was back and he was a vampire. It was expected that she'd need to talk about it with me. I just didn't know what to expect and that bothered me.

I decided to grab something to eat then head over. Momma met me in the kitchen rustling up a sandwich and I casually mentioned my plan.

"Is Avery going to be there?" She asked, trying to keep her voice steady. I watched the worry instantly shadow her face.

"I doubt it, I mean, she said she wanted to talk _about_ Avery."

"I don't want you anywhere near him alone Nix. Jace has to be with you, or your brother, do I make myself clear?"

I nodded. "Of course Momma." She and Daddy had said this a million times since I got back, not to mention Jace. I had been fine not speaking to him anyways. I honestly didn't know what to say.

I drove over to the Uley house and parked behind Josie's car, taking a deep breath to calm my nerves.

"Hey," Josie met me at the door and pulled me into a tight hug. We released and looked at one another before she burst into a smile. "I'm so glad you're okay."

I nodded and followed her inside and up to her room. "Where is everyone?" I asked.

"They're at the Cullen's visiting Ave."

"Why didn't you go?"

"Because I wanted to see _you_ silly, I'll visit him later." We got comfortable on the bed and Josie asked me to tell her what happened with Celine, so I did.

"Avery was really worried about you," she noted.

My skin prickled as she said it, just recalling how it felt to see Avery again - as a vampire. She had no idea how scared and worried I was at first. "So, how are things here? How does it feel to see your brother again? Like…that." It would be interesting to hear her point of view on the matter.

It was Josie's turn to be uncomfortable now. "Well, it's going to take a lot of getting used to. Once he sticks around I think the weirdness will fade away. He's still Avery just more… _observant_ and we have to be much more careful around him _now….Obviously_ I wish he wasn't some half-dead, cold, blood-sucking creature… but he's my twin, I'll always love him no matter what. He's different on the outside, but he's still my baby brother."

I smiled. The twins had always fretted over that. Avery hated that she called him her 'baby brother' when they were only five minutes apart. "He IS different though…TOO different, and honestly Jose, it doesn't feel the same anymore."

"What do you mean? He's still the same person!" Josie insisted, brows knitting together in a mixture of disbelief and curiosity. She looked so much like Aunt Emily. Looking at Josie one could see what her mother would have looked like had she not been disfigured. But Josie was a spit-fire, not calm, gentle and nurturing like her mother. I always believed their similarities ended with their looks. Although, in retrospect, Aunt Em had shown me another side of her recently.

I sighed and shrugged my shoulders. He was definitely not the same person to me. _"Just…everything_ about him screams vampire, not _Avery._ And he spent the last year traipsing all over the world with a crazy leech who wanted me to have a hybrid child for her to raise as her own – with him."

"WHAT?" Josie, slapped my leg in shock. She was a hitter.

"Yeah, I guess he didn't tell you that part…it was her plan for them to be one big happy family for eternity." I rubbed the spot on my leg which now throbbed a little. "Celine was going to let me die. I haven't told anyone about that so please don't say anything." I had decided to keep that little detail to myself, it was too upsetting.

"No…he didn't tell me! But you don't think Avery had anything to do with that right? He didn't know Celine had taken you Nix."

"Yeah… I know he didn't want to do it. He knew about it though, that's one of the reasons why he left her – to keep me safe. It's just hard for me to understand how he could have been with _her_ all this time."

"Wait, are you _jealous?"_ My best friend giggled. But I didn't find it funny at all. I wouldn't call it jealousy, it was more like, being offended.

"No! I'm not. I mean, it feels weird to know that he was with someone else while I was mourning his death. It's not cool, it's selfish and I'm shocked that Avery would do that to me, to all of us. He never sent word to us…how could he not have tried to tell us something? It's not like we didn't know about vampires!"

"We asked him the same thing but he was ashamed, Nix. He thought Daddy would shun him. He thought we'd all hate him for becoming a bloodsucker. He was planning to stay gone forever you know. But he really started to miss home, and I think he really believed that you were his soul mate. That's why he went to the Cullens, so they could help him be better as a vampire. He was crushed when he heard about Jace."

I nodded, having heard him admit his shame already, but still. "I'm happy he has a conscience and all, it's a good thing, of course. But if he's back here for me then he made the wrong decision."

"He knows you're Jace's imprint but that doesn't mean you and Avery don't still have feelings for one another, does it?"

I looked at Josie hard for a second, unsure that I heard her correctly. Was she really implying that I should be with Avery and forget about Jace? I snorted in disbelief. "Please tell me you're not saying what I think you're saying."

"What? You spent the last year wishing my brother was back, and you pushed Jace away since he got here because you didn't want to replace my brother. He's back now, all I'm saying is that you can have what you initially wanted now. It's like your wish came true, he's back and he loves you, Nix. We both know you can deny the imprint if you wanted to."

I shook my head and rubbed my face, trying to keep my anger at bay. "I know that Josie, but he's a vampire and I don't want to become a vampire, not ever. It's not the same for me anymore, it's such a high-risk situation to even be in the same room! I'll always love Avery, but as a friend. I can't…I can't be with him like that anymore. I don't feel comfortable Jose. I don't want to hurt him, but I don't think I can force it. And I've accepted Jace now…I don't want to go back on that, he makes me feel happy and safe."

"Won't you even give it some time?"

I shook my head. "I'm sorry Josie. I can't – I don't want to! I can't believe you'd even suggest it! Could you just ignore the imprint with Tuari now that you've accepted him?"

"With the way I feel about him right now, maybe I could," she huffed.

"What happened with Ari?" I asked, perplexed.

"He doesn't like the fact that Avery is a vampire of course. He doesn't feel like I'm safe now, that Avery could hurt me because it hasn't been long enough that he has been on the 'vegetarian diet.'" She air-quoted the last two words and rolled her eyes.

"But you know that he's right, don't you?" I sighed, knowing I needed to be fully honest. "I feel that way too. When I first saw Avery, he had a moment where he had to step back and control his urge to react to my scent or whatever. He's is still VERY vulnerable and you DO have to be careful around him. I know you're all happy to have him home, so am I, but Avery is still dangerous, even though he doesn't want to be. He needs more time to adjust for everyone's safety."

"But so are the wolves! They could hurt us too! Look at my mom's face!"

"I know that but let's be honest, they don't have a predatorial instinct to attack humans Josie. It's not the same, they have to control their temper not their thirst to drain us dry."

"Avery isn't a monster!" She pouted, fury blazing in her eyes.

"He's dangerous." I knew I had offended her and felt it was best that I go.

Avery couldn't change his nature, no matter how much he wanted to, he'd always crave blood. Just that thought alone made me shiver. Josie couldn't seriously want me to be with him now that I actually feared for my life? Maybe if she had been kidnapped she'd understand. I honestly wasn't sure how to trust a vampire and I knew that my brother would feel the same way. Our father had made sure that we'd always put pack first over any loyalties to "bloodsuckers." My heart hurt to even think of Avery that way. I had wanted him to come back to me so badly, but not like this! He didn't deserve to become that kind of creature, at least being a wolf had its merits – it was a part-time thing, not permanently altering. It was not forever. But I couldn't be bothered to point that out right now when she was in this stubborn mood.

She exhaled in disappointment and sat back against the wall, inviting an uncomfortable silence to descend upon us. Luckily, my cell rang at this point and I fished it out of my bag, immediately feeling better upon seeing Jace's name.

"Hey." I answered breathlessly.

 _"Hey there, what's going on? You okay?"_

"I'm…okay. I'm at Josie's house."

 _"WHAT?"_

"Don't worry, it's just us two here right now."

 _"I wish you had told me, I would have at least patrolled the forest around her place to make sure you're safe_."

"Jace, you can't watch me every second I'm not home, I'm alright, I promise."

" _Alright fine_ ," he grumbled. " _I miss you, I was hoping to come over._ "

I smiled, suddenly thinking his presence was exactly what I needed right now. "How about you come over here? We can go to the diner or something."

" _'Kay babe, I'm on my way._ "

I grinned at the term of endearment he used. I hung up and put my phone away.

"So I guess our talk is over huh?" Josie muttered.

"Well, Jace is on his way to meet me."

She nodded, not bothering to hide her disappointment. "Nix, just promise me that things won't change between us."

I grabbed her hand and squeezed. "Why would it?"

"Because I need to support my brother…it's already changed with Tuari and I can't handle that happening with us too, not after how messed up the last year has been."

"It won't okay? But you need to be smart Josie. You need to take some time and ease back into things with Avery. Promise? Ari's just worried about you."

Reluctantly Josie nodded, and I could only hope that she'd see reason in my words.

"I gotta go, but talk to you later."

I hugged my best friend and let myself out. I would have to talk to my brother later, just to make sure that he would at least try to be understanding. Avery was Josie's twin, and their bond was something like an imprint. She'd only see the good in her brother's return and we had to respect that. I bet the same went for Sammy. I hoped that things wouldn't change too much in the pack now with this new development.

I just knew that no one could force me to go back to Avery.

JOSIE

I got in my car and drove to the Cullen place. Avery met me at the door and suggested we take a little walk down the path that led to the river. I knew he wanted to talk in private, so did I.

"Did you talk to her?" he asked.

Immediately I felt guilty. I knew he'd be disappointed in me. "I talked to her about you and she said she wants to be with Jace."

Avery took a long pause before responding. "Fuck. I just can't believe this. I spent all this time thinking I would get her back. I never thought someone else would imprint on her Josie, she's mine, she's always been MY girl."

"I know Ave, and I'm sorry. If I had known that you were alive I never would have encouraged her to stop grieving and give into the imprint. She really really missed you and wanted you to come back to her. We all just thought it was so pointless. We never guessed that something like this was possible!"

"I know…I know Josephine. I don't blame you alright? I just, really wish that fucking mutt would just _disappear._ He ruined EVERYTHING."

My brother's eyes seemed to darken and I felt a cold shiver run through my body at the vengeful look on his face. For the first time he looked like the predator he was. I couldn't help thinking about the warnings Ari and Nix had given me. I took a step back and hugged my handbag in front of my body as if it could protect me.

"I'm sorry I scared you," Avery whispered, his eyes changing to adapt a more sympathetic expression.

"I'm not scared," I countered, lifting my chin.

"I can smell it on you sis." He said, as if it were the easiest thing in the world.

"So what are you gonna do?" I asked, changing the subject.

"I don't know yet, but I'm not giving up. I know she can love me again, so I have to try."

"I don't know Avery, maybe you should just try to move on like she has. It will be hard at first but your mate must be out there too. Right?"

Avery growled and shook his head. "Jace made me kill Celine. There's no one left. And I can't live forever watching the Cullens all paired off and happy either."

"He's still family Ave, and she's still our best friend. Please don't do anything to hurt them. You don't know what the future holds, maybe there IS someone out there for you."

"Whose side on you on Jo? Huh? I'm your TWIN, don't you want to see ME happy?"

"Of course I do! You know I do! But you have to be reasonable about this."

"Well Phoenix makes me happy, she's the only one who can make me happy again. I need her, so don't try to tell me otherwise."

I didn't like where this conversation was going. I realized that he had pulled the twin card on me the first time to get me to talk to Phoenix, he was playing on my loyalty to him above all others.

Had I been blinded by the euphoria of his reappearance? My brother was different now and I wasn't sure what he was going to do. I could only trust that he would call and talk to Phoenix and see for himself that it was a lost cause.

He needed to move on and I would try my best to help him do that. He might be a bloodsucking creature now but he was still my brother, the other half of me in a way that Ari could never be.

I didn't want to see him suffer with a broken heart.

I was tired of seeing my family suffer.


	40. Dibs

No copyright infringement intended of Stephenie Meyer's work

Chapter 38 – Dibs

JACE

When Phoenix came out of the Uley house my anxiety immediately passed as I was reassured that she was okay. She looked like the sun itself in that yellow dress. I wasted no time sweeping her up into my arms and planting a kiss on her lips. It still amazed me that I was able to do this with her, that she wanted me back. Her arms instantly locked around my neck as she held my face against hers. I could feel her nerves as her palms felt cold against my skin. I pulled back and watched her in the eyes.

"What's wrong?"

She shook her head and motioned towards the car. She handed me the keys indicating that I should drive. We pulled onto the road and I asked my question again.

"It's just…Josie…she doesn't understand how dangerous Avery is now…she seems so convinced that he could never hurt anyone…but…he's a vampire. Even if he doesn't mean to, he's still a threat."

I nodded and reached over to lace our fingers together. I was so relieved to hear my imprint talking like this. It was reassuring on so many levels. I'd been driving myself nuts with worry that she'd choose him over me.

"She said things are strained with Ari. He's not happy with how close Avery is getting to her and the family."

"Ari can't help it, he's a wolf. She should try to understand that he's just trying to do his job."

"I know…but I think I'll talk to him, just to make sure that he's still going to be supportive. They're twins, no one can get between that bond."

"Yeah, but she still needs to be smart. Honestly, I don't think Avery should be allowed back so soon. I dunno…Jacob just seems to not get that."

"He's probably trying to please Uncle Sam…"

"But why? He's the rightful alpha _and_ chief."

"Well, I think they've always had some kind of issues because of exactly that, their claims to leadership. And then there's the fact that Jacob left. His rightful place is here…maybe he feels compelled to do this because Uncle Sam has been doing his job for so long and he doesn't want him to hold any grudges."

Moments later I pulled into the diner and led Phoenix inside by the hand. We chose a booth to the back and ordered food. When my spaghetti and meatballs came I eagerly dug in but Phoenix only picked at her salad and salmon.

"What's wrong?" I was starting to sound like a stuck record.

Her eyes teared up as she met mine across the table and I immediately forgot about my food.

"It's just…Josie was talking to me about being with Avery again. I can't help but wonder if everyone expects me to just go back to him now."

"WHAT?" I bellowed, gaining the attention of other people around us.

"Relax Jace, it's not what I want…I just was surprised that she could even think that way – I felt kind of offended. I mean, I know I spent a lot of time pining over Avery but he's not the same person anymore. And all this time he was alive, I almost destroyed myself for him...I feel like he didn't even care about me, why couldn't he send me a note or something and just tell me that he wasn't dead?" A tear escaped and she quickly wiped it away. I realized that she seemed to be holding a grudge specifically about that part and that wasn't a bad thing if it meant that she'd hate him a little bit.

"He never will be the same person he was a year ago, _no one_ should want you to be with him. I think the adults are smarter than that Nix, your parents for starters, my Dad, Quil…I think they would rather you be with your wolf." I added. I immediately felt annoyed that Josie would be trying to fill my imprint's head with such nonsense. I'd bet her brother put her up to it.

"You have nothing to worry about Jace. I'm not going to change my mind about us. You promised me you'd relax."

Her hand reached over and captured mine with a gentle squeeze. I pulled it to my lips and tenderly kissed her skin. I wanted to tell her that I loved her, but I knew it might be too soon. "I can't help it." She nodded with a sad smile then took another bite of her food. "I know you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but don't let them pressure you okay? Just follow your heart." And I prayed her heart would always be mine. I was smart enough to know that just because we were imprinted that didn't mean that shit couldn't happen. The only guarantee I had was Nix's fear of vampires. Her desire to stay away from Avery because of that was my security.

"I know Jace."

"Who would have thought huh?" I couldn't help but find this all funny and ironic.

"What?"

"That Avery would be back, but you'd choose me?"

She threw me a wry smile and shook her head. "It doesn't feel as weird as it could have a month ago. Everything is just different now."

"Good different right?"

"Of course Jace, _Relax."_

I smiled all goofy and decided to drop the subject since I was overdoing it. Damn wolf. I would try not to doubt her again. I would instead focus on keeping Phoenix safe and smiling.

We went for a stroll on First Beach since the rain decided to ease up for a while. We didn't really talk much. I allowed Phoenix time to process her feelings, content to just walk beside her and hold her close to me, reminding her that I was here.

When we piled back into the Jeep she turned to me with a smile.

"What?" I asked, immediately smiling back.

"I want you to meet my Grammie Redbird, my great-grandmother."

I immediately grew nervous but readily agreed.

XXXXX

We had an interesting evening with her great-grandmother and great-aunt. The two Redbird women were witty and sharp and I realized how lucky Leanne was to grow up under their care in lieu of a missing father. I had hoped to see her but apparently she was out with Benjamin.

Although Phoenix tried to reassure me that everything would be okay between us I couldn't help but feeling nervous about it. Especially since her great-grandmother warned us that our relationship was in danger. I hated that the old woman was so cryptic with it too. Phoenix said she was always like that, and I shouldn't worry too much about it because Celine was already gone.

But in my gut I knew it was Avery that Grammie was talking about. He was the threat. It was fucking obvious.

I wanted Avery gone from La Push, or I'd always worry. He needed to be out of sight and stay out of her mind. But he was Phoenix's best friend, she had known him all her life so I couldn't make her cut him out completely if she eventually wanted them to be friends again. I could only pray that she'd keep falling for me like I knew she was. I could see it in her eyes now, what I'd been waiting for all along, she was feeling the pull of the imprint.

After that kiss…those kisses…there was simply no turning back for me, I was falling hard and I just wanted Phoenix to be mine and mine alone. I still had to ask her to be my girlfriend officially, but after she told me she was mine I figured it was obvious that she was. Still I was scared that it was maybe too soon. I had tried to force her to declare her feelings for me and that was wrong, I needed to learn to trust her when she said she wanted to be happy with me. Fuck Avery.

After I spent an hour at the Lahote residence, I went into the woods. I attached my clothes to my thigh and phased to wolf. The beast was anxious after hearing the old woman's warning so I needed to talk to Avery and I had a feeling that he was at the Cullen's. Phoenix didn't know of my plan, obviously I didn't want her to stop me.

The air was cool and misty as the twilight hour faded to darkness. Little animals scurried away as they heard my heavy footprints coming, their cries like music all around. I loved it here, I honestly did and now it would be my home.

By the time I hit the river I saw his tall frame waiting on the other side.

"Smell me from that far?" I asked after I phased and redressed, annoyed that my good clothes were now dirty. My wardrobe was really suffering.

"I heard your paws hitting the ground as I was coming back to the house."

"Do you know why I'm here?"

"No, but I can make the obvious deduction that you wouldn't be here unless it was about Nix."

I nodded and grunted, observing his bright red eyes which to my own wolf eyes, were shining like rubies. I'd had a feeling he had been wearing contacts around the others and I had been right. I guessed his vegetarian diet wasn't going so good if they were still that color. "I need to know what you want from her." I shoved my hands inside of my pockets and took a deep breath.

"What I want from her?"

"Yes. What are your intentions where she's concerned?"

"Why do you ask?"

I scoffed. "Can you not do that please? I'm her wolf Avery, you can't expect me not to be concerned about a vampire being in her life."

"I'm her best friend, Jace. Phoenix loved _me_ a lot longer, she doesn't even love you."

"You don't know that." I clenched my jaw. His words really pissed me off but I knew that soon Phoenix would love me, today she had given me hope. She was choosing me.

"Oh I don't?"

"Are you staying here then?" I asked, trying to keep my cool as I tried to maintain control over the conversation.

"For a while, yes. I missed my family. I ran away from Celine because I need them, not just to keep Phoenix safe. In spite of what you think, I don't want to be a monster, I want to be myself. They've accepted me back."

"But your presence here will cause more kids on the Rez to shift."

"And so what? They'll handle it like they have been handling it for over two decades."

"But it's not fair to push that on others. Not everyone wants to be a wolf you know?"

"The decision's been made Jace. But if it makes you feel better I won't spend all my time here, I'll go travelling with the Cullens and stay a while in Alaska – it's not like I can actually move around and have a life here, I have to remain hidden from the public, but I intend to spend as much time as I can."

"And Nix?" he still hadn't answered my question.

"Well, it's up to her. If she still wants me then I'm hers. After she's graduated we can make a decision for our future together."

"WHAT? What the fuck are you talking about!"

"Bella chose to be with Edward after they graduated, look how great things turned out for them."

"You want her to be a VAMPIRE? ARE YOU INSANE?" my body started to vibrate and it took every ounce of strength in me not to shift or else we couldn't communicate.

"Why are you surprised, what did you think I wanted? Nix is the one I love and if I can have eternity with her like the Cullens have, I want that."

"Oh so you really think she'll just push me aside and be with you then. I _knew_ I never should have trusted you to just back off and leave her be." I should have killed him back at the farm house. That was the biggest mistake of my life.

"She would have still chosen me had I been here. We've been together from birth, it was always the two of us every day all the time, you couldn't have changed that."

"I wouldn't be so fucking cocky and sure! It's ME she belongs with, fate basically said so. And she accepts that you two were never meant to be a permanent thing." I barked.

"No, you're just filling her head with crap so that she won't realize that you're some pathetic runner-up!"

I scoffed and shook my head, my hands on my hips as I battled the phase. Smelling his leech stench made it almost fucking impossible not to go wolf. He was provoking me but I couldn't let him win this. "Phoenix doesn't want you because you're a vampire, she isn't comfortable with that, and common sense dictates that she wouldn't want to become one either. So your plan won't work. You can't convince her otherwise."

"Don't try to talk for her. I still have a chance Jace and THAT'S what's making you upset."

"Don't be an asshole! She doesn't want you!"

"I won't let you turn her against me you stupid ass!" he practically roared.

"Stupid ass? How am I a stupid ass because I won't let you kill her a second time?" I wanted to rip his head off and kick it all the way to the ocean.

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"What am I talking about? You jumped off a fucking cliff and disappeared, how do you think that made her feel? She was never happy again after that while you were all over the place being a vamp tramp. She's upset that you didn't care enough to send her a god-damn email or a letter! You could have saved her from herself! You have no idea what it's been like for her – what she was prepared to do to be with you in some fucking Paradise! And then what would have happened to her when she got there and you weren't waiting for her? Cause you're a fucking leech now!"

"What are you talking about Jace? You're not making any sense." His red eyes narrowed on me.

"I'm talking about saving her life when she jumped off the cliffs on your birthday."

Avery drew in a deep breath and stepped backward, as if I'd bowled him over. "She, she wouldn't jump?" he stammered.

"Ah, but she fucking did and if I didn't imprint on her then I wouldn't have known that she was in fucking danger! No one knows about that night, I had to keep my thoughts to myself all the time so the pack wouldn't find out. So yeah, that's what fucking happened – she tried to kill herself because of you – and where were you? Off living it up with Celine. That's why she won't be with you! You destroyed her, man and she's not going to forget it."

"I never wanted her to hurt herself, she should have known better. I can't be held accountable for that. I did what I had to do for everyone's safety, including my own," Avery argued.

"You should have never been stupid enough to dive off a cliff at night. Let's start with that. You never even considered her safety that night! Honestly, I don't think you care about Nix nearly as much as you say you do. You don't know how to fucking put her first before yourself."

"THAT IS A LIE! I've done NOTHING but put her first! This last year all I could think about was HER! You just don't get it- Celine would have taken me anyways. She made it clear that she wanted me. I would have died regardless."

"You really think that huh? But I think you wouldn't have. I think you would have phased and killed her ass if you weren't hurt! Didn't that ever cross your mind? You fucked everything up for yourself and Phoenix by jumping." I had lost all patience with this dumb fuck.

I could see by his expression that maybe he hadn't thought about that. He was in the midst of phasing, of course he would have gone wolf! If he hadn't jumped none of this would have happened.

"Look we don't know what might have happened with Celine. I'm sorry about the confusion, but I'm here now to fix everything. That's why I came back. I didn't want them grieving for me when I'm still here. Nix can be happy again if you just step aside and let her be with the person she was willing to die for. She will be willing to die for me again, I can give her immortality."

A shockwave of pain and anger flowed through me and I felt my body blur. "I won't let you hurt her, and all you'll do is hurt her. She feels the imprint, just leave her alone, let her be with the person she's willing to LIVE for." I growled deeply, making my threat crystal clear.

"I've spent the last year faking romance with a woman who fucked up my life! The last thing I am going to do is leave her alone! I love her, that means she'll remind me of who I am, my humanity, it's how the Cullens have survived for so long, it's how they are a family. Just because I'm a vampire doesn't mean I don't want love and a family. She's my family, I NEED her. We can have a kid like Nessie, we can be happy if you just let her go!" He growled now, his eyes suddenly emptying of all color and becoming black as tar.

"A KID? Now I know for SURE that you're COMPLETELY INSANE! I'll NEVER let you do that to her! Over my fucking dead body!" I snarled and in a loud rip of flesh, phased to wolf.

Fuck Avery Uley! Phoenix was MY soulmate, and I was calling dibs.

I lunged straight for Avery's throat but he knocked me off, sending me flying into a tree. I howled in pain, but pushed myself to stand, ready to grab at anything as he ran towards me. But Avery was superfast, he ran straight up and flipped onto my back, his stone cold body straddling mine in a death grip. I stumbled backwards and upon instinct launched myself into the trees to send him flying to the ground. He was back up in a split second, his vampire speed making him a blur.

"Over your dead body? No problem," he smirked then kicked me in my side. Even as I took the blow my jaw locked onto his leg and ripped it as hard as I could. It felt like I was breaking a stone sculpture. Avery's shriek was ear-splitting and he hissed at me, baring his teeth.

We continued to fight, snapping and hitting each other hard. His broken leg did nothing to slow him down. It really hurt but my anger was so serious and uncontrollable right now that I couldn't stop to register the damage. My only thought was that I needed to kill him before he could take my imprint away from me. Phoenix was not the infamous Bella Swan, and I was certainly not Jacob. I'd kill Avery before he could convince her to do something so stupid!

In a blink of an eye, everything changed. Avery got the upper hand. That's when I felt deathly cold hands lock around my chest and squeeze. My bones snapped and I crashed to the ground.

"If you're dead, she doesn't have to choose anymore. She was always mine, Jace… Sorry but, you lose."

He kicked me hard in the ribs which were already broken and I howled in agony as he pressed his boot harder into my body, crushing everything I had left to keep me alive. I was in so much pain that I could barely breathe. It hurt to breathe. My mind was a blur of dark colors as the scorching ache shredded my body and soul.

"I should just bite you to finish you off, but Carlisle would kick me out of the coven if I did that. And maybe my father would be upset because it would disgrace us in front of the pack, but he doesn't really care for you much anymore since you bad-mouthed his son. I guess this way is much better, I will claim self-defense and no one will ever know that this was in fact, murder. You never stood a chance against me _dog._ Don't worry about Phoenix, I'll make her want _me_ again and then I'll take good care of my mate forever. Fuck you Jace." Avery smirked as he squatted in front of me while I quivered in pain.

" _Avery! Where are you? What's happened?_ " A voice shrieked in the distance.

With one final chuckle, Avery darted off, leaving me alone to die. For a fleeting second as my consciousness started to fade, I couldn't help but be annoyed that I hadn't caused any damage to the asshole at all. His plan had so many flaws in it, I knew he'd never win my imprint's heart after killing me. That in itself I allowed to be my final comfort.

A midnight black raven flew to the ground right in front of me. It cocked its head to the side and looked me in the eye, its little yellow orb seeming to beckon to me somehow. I wished I could be that bird, that I could fly away; away from this pain, away from the death that I knew was coming for me now, swift and steady.

Ah the irony, Avery was dead and I lived, now Avery lived and I was dead. I wished I could tell Phoenix that I was sorry, I wished that I could see her face just one last time. After everything I'd been through to be with her, I couldn't believe that this would be the end of our story.

I had let a vampire kill me.

My wolf phased back to human involuntarily, which hurt even more. As human I still couldn't breathe. I felt like something was cutting off my air supply and it hurt to even gasp for air. Blood gushed out of my mouth, choking me more while I still struggled to draw breath. Dark spots blurred my vision, I felt a cold tingling sensation creeping over my body and everything melted into darkness. I became numb.

I knew this was it, it was time.

The squawk of the bird was the last thing I heard before the darkness swallowed me whole and I let it all go.


	41. Live

No copyright infringement intended of Stephenie Meyer's work

Chapter 39 – Live

TUARI

He had been a good friend before he "died." We didn't hang out all the time – he was always with my sister – but most times whenever I came over to the Uleys' to hang with Sammy, Avery would stick around and game or play ball with us. I was sad when he "died," more so because it made my sister and my imprint really fucking depressed. But since Avery's been back, I honestly wish he'd never survived that fall.

Only because he was now a leech and he was causing problems for the pack – me and Jace specifically. How were we supposed to treat him? Like a brother? Like a leech? I couldn't see him as family anymore, not when he had red eyes, stone skin and a freezing cold temperature. He just wasn't the same person and my wolf hated when we got too near. My wolf felt like killing him to protect my imprint and my mind had to constantly remind the wolf that I couldn't harm him because he was family.

Was.

Now he was just fucking undead.

As much as it sucked, Avery had been replaced. I was Josie's number one now and Jace was Nix's. It was for the best now that he wasn't wolf or human. Jace was here to stay and I couldn't see how my sister could fit both of them in her life. She wasn't Bella Swan now was she? Neither was Josie. It just couldn't fucking work without someone getting hurt.

Jasper looked over at me with annoyance. Clearly my mixed emotions were getting to the empath. I decided to stop letting my mind wonder since it was getting me all worked up. I needed to focus on what was going on in front of me.

Someone had already gotten hurt.

Real bad.

And it was all because of Avery. I still didn't believe him when he said that it was self-defense. Quite frankly none of us did. Apparently he had a mental shield like Bella and it was hard for Edward to get a read on Avery's thoughts, so he couldn't give us any details on what had really happened.

All we knew was that Jace's ribs had be severely broken, and had punctured his lungs in multiple places. He was as good as dead, but Carlisle had sworn on his immortal life that he would save him. I guess his vampire speed and centuries of medical practice made the thought seem more plausible.

We were all crammed in at the Cullen house, waiting for Carlisle to finish surgery on Jace. Embry had been pacing the floor for the last two hours, while Leanne tried her best to keep him from tearing up the place. No one knew if a wolf could phase again after so many years, but I'd bet money that Embry would today. He was just THAT angry. Josie sat on my left, while Momma was on my right, in between me and Dad.

My imprint was being very quiet about the whole thing which I guess was expected since her brother had committed this crime against their own cousin. Sam and Emily were at the cottage with Avery, Jacob and Nessie right now, waiting to hear the outcome of Carlisle's efforts. Sammy was back home with Jacob's children, our little sisters and Matthew.

It was best that Avery was kept away. There was no way that one of us, whether it was me, Dad or Embry, wouldn't try to rip him to shreds.

Phoenix was curled into Daddy's lap, crying her heart out. She hadn't stopped crying since we got the phone-call from Alice Cullen that something bad had happened. The vampire women were all very upset as they stood in the doorway watching my sister's heart break or monitoring Embry's mood. The only one who didn't seem to want to cry was the one called Rosalie, she looked like she wanted blood, like a fight. It was weird being around the Cullens like this, given that my wolf wasn't used to it. But somehow because our pack brother was knocking on death's door, I was able to manage. The stench was incredibly offensive though. It was hard to breathe.

All I could do was beg Jace to make it through this. If my sister lost another guy that she loved, I was certain that she wouldn't survive. I had a sneaking suspicion that she had tried to hurt herself already. Jace tried to cover his thoughts but I know what I saw, and I saw her in trouble. He had saved Phoenix from destroying herself in more than one way, that much I knew. Jace had stuck it through her resistance and had found a way to make Phoenix smile again. None of us wanted it to be in vain. If he died, both of them would die. For sure this time.

I sighed and rubbed my face with my fingers, fighting the tears that threatened to spill. It hurt so bad to know that this was happening to my family. What if we lost him? What would happen to Embry, to my sister, to my mother who had quickly adopted Jace as her son just like Dad had adopted Benji years ago? It wasn't like a legal adoption or anything, it was one of the heart, something that could not be broken. What would we say to his mother if he didn't make it?

There was just so much to lose if he didn't live.

 _Fuck Jace! You HAVE to LIVE._

I don't know how much more time passed but finally Carlisle came down the stairs. For a vampire he looked totally frazzled, like all his energy had been spent on trying to save Jace's life.

As if on cue we all rose to our feet and held our breaths, just waiting to hear the decision of fate. My father held Phoenix against his chest and I could hear her heart racing a thousand beats per second.

"Is he alive?" Embry asked, his tone forceful. One would imagine that he'd go straight for the jugular if Carlisle said no.

"Yes and…No." the vampire doctor said, slowly.

"What the fuck does that mean, Fang?" Embry barked.

"Embry!" my mother chastised him.

Carlisle held his hand up with a sympathetic smile. "It's alright, Corrine. I know this is a hard time for everyone here. Jace sustained fatal injuries. His lungs were punctured in ten different places, but I did all that I could to repair them, and his healing abilities as a wolf helped significantly. I set all of his bones and closed the wounds. But it will be some time yet before he can breathe on his own. His body temperature is also much lower than it usually is for a wolf and Edward says his mind is quite silent."

"What does that mean? Is he brain-dead?" Leanne asked, her voice hoarse and scared.

"Right now, I don't want to say yes because he is heavily sedated. By tomorrow we should be able to gauge his state of being much better. Right now we just have to wait, give his body time to heal itself. I will be monitoring him the entire time. Edward is cleaning him up as we speak, making him more comfortable. When he is finished we will allow you to come visit him, but it is imperative that everyone keeps quiet and please try not to jostle his body."

Phoenix broke down at this point. If it weren't for my father's grip on her, she would have fallen to the floor in a heap of wailing sounds. I felt her pain vibrate through my body.

 _"CARLISLE!"_ Edward shouted in panic. The vampire doctor zoomed from the room and I could hear Edward screaming that Jace was crashing.

That's when I realized that Phoenix was reacting to the imprint bond. It was Jace.

"Fuck!" I swore quietly. The tears I didn't hold back this time. We all started crying in unison, as if once again, on cue.

This could be the end and I honestly didn't know what I'd do if it was.

None of us did.

EMBRY

There were so many reasons to be angry.

Jace should not have spoken to Avery alone. Yes he killed Celine, but that didn't make him a seasoned leech killer. He still had a lot to learn about combat, and Avery was technically still a newborn, he was barely a year old and that meant his strength was much greater than what Celine's would have been. Only the Spirits knew what they talked about to make the conversation turn to bloodshed.

I wanted to kill my own nephew. I wanted to rip his stone limbs from his body one by one. I didn't know how I would ever get past this if my son died.

 _MY SON._

I had missed eighteen fucking years of his life already. Would I really only get a few weeks with my son before it was all over? Wouldn't he make his nineteenth birthday which was coming up in a few weeks on September 8th?

I couldn't stomach the thought, I couldn't stomach the reality I had suddenly found myself in.

My son was fighting for his life and I was totally useless. There was nothing I could do but wait, and fuck me to hell if the waiting wasn't the hardest thing I'd ever done. Harder than letting his mother walk out of my life.

What the fuck would I say to Valerie if our boy didn't make it?

She might have become a heartless bitch but there was no way in hell she wouldn't feel this. There was no way that this wouldn't break whatever was left of her. Whatever it was that got her through each day would be shattered. And she'd blame me again, just like she blamed me for her keeping Jace a secret.

And that was a burden I could never carry.

Would I never earn the right to be called 'Dad' by him? Would I never see him get married and have a family? Would I never get to give my son advice about business, help him build that crazy commune idea of his? Would I seriously never be a father for more than a month of summer?

I had so many plans for us. We would go road-tripping during summer breaks, I'd stand there proudly at his graduation, we'd tour Europe when he graduated, we'd scout for land and I'd draw up his business plan. I'd set him on his feet, I'd be his biggest supporter for whatever dreams he had for himself. I wanted to shower him with everything that Val never had.

I couldn't accept that it wasn't meant to be. I had given my life to this tribe, I had been a protector for many years, much longer than I needed to be. It wasn't fair that the Spirits would do this now.

They couldn't, I couldn't let them.

 _Please God, I'll willingly give my life right here, right now, if it means that my son will live._

PAUL

The heartbreaking sobs coming from my daughter's little body were killing me slowly. There was nothing I could do or say so I just held onto her, praying that my arms would keep her together, would stop her from completely falling apart. A man was never prepared for his daughter to love someone else more than she loved him and since they were born I had dreaded the day that Ruth and Phoenix would be imprinted on. But Jace had earned my respect, my trust and my fatherly affection; even in spite of the lack of close friendship between me and his father. He was pack, he was like a son to me. He didn't deserve any of this - he didn't deserve the betrayal. Avery was lucky I wasn't a wolf anymore because I wouldn't hesitate to do what was right, what was just, what was needed. This was NOT self-defense.

My daughter moaned and clutched her chest, the pain of a breaking imprint impaling her body. The helplessness consumed me but I kept holding on, willing her to fight the darkness that was pulling her under.

 _God-dammit JACE!_

 _If you fucking die after ALL this shit you survived!_

 _If you fucking let that asshole Avery Uley kill you!_

 _If you fucking leave my daughter to waste away to nothing!_

 _If you fucking break my wife's heart!_

 _I'll kill you my fucking self!_

 _….Please don't do this. Don't leave my daughter alone._

 _We need you to live son, just live._

CORRIE

When Carlisle raced away to resuscitate my best friend's son, my daughter's wolf, I felt as if all hope was quickly slipping through my fingers. I felt the pain of losing Jace deep in my body as if I were losing a child I had birthed with my own body.

It was the greatest curse, for a wolf to die, for an imprint to be broken by death. We all knew from the story of Taha Ahki that neither would survive. Even if she didn't physically die, losing Jace would still mean losing my daughter and I couldn't bear the thought of that happening again. She wouldn't let us help her when Avery died, it was no wonder that she'd pull away from us again if such a tragedy were to come to pass.

 _Why God, Why? Please don't let this happen again._

 _Please don't take Jace._

 _Not Jace, he's such a sweet boy._

 _He deserves to be happy, he deserves this love._

I wanted them to have a life of complete happiness and love, just like I wanted that for Tuari and Josephine. I wanted my children to have what I had fully enjoyed for these last twenty-three years. I had suffered many heartbreaks in life because of death: Grampie Redbird and my mother's parents, Pierre and Eleanor Hanover. And I had lost my father. While he wasn't dead, he was dead to me because he no longer existed in my world. I hadn't seen or heard from him since he moved out all those years ago. My mother knew nothing, my brothers knew nothing. Life just went on without him.

But life would not go on without Jace. Not for my daughter.

And who would come along and help her pick up the pieces this time?

Who would make her want to live?

JOSIE

My body felt numb.

Numbness was the only way I could cope with what was going on around me.

Jace was dying. The vampires were trying to save him but, there was a possibility that he really wouldn't make it. The guys often acted like they were invincible because of their fast healing, but clearly there were ways to kill a wolf. Who could survive without an organ as vital as lungs?

My brother had done this. Flesh of my flesh, my twin, had done this.

Jace could never replace my brother but I had grown to love him like one since he came to La Push. I knew he was the only one who could help Phoenix find herself again, and he had. He really did it, brought her back from the dead.

And while I was happy for them, when Avery came back I couldn't help but want to bring him back from the dead too. Although that wasn't literally possible, I knew that he regarded Phoenix as his life line. I wanted him to be happy again and he saw her as his only means to that end. And I was stupid enough to entertain the possibility that she would go back to him, just because I wanted my brother to be happy.

I was stupid to want that for him, even though I knew what it was like to share an imprint bond. While I might have rejected Ari for a long time, I wasn't able to develop feelings for anyone else. I tried to date, I tried to ignore the pull I felt towards him, just like he slept around and flaunted girls in front of my face. But I was never able to totally push him aside, just like he kept coming back to me, begging me for forgiveness every time he screwed up.

I should have known that just because she had grieved for my brother and longed for him, that didn't mean that she would just leave Jace and go back to Avery – Avery who was now a vampire.

And I should have understood that while he was different, not everything about him had changed. Avery was always very possessive of Phoenix and I should have known that he'd try to get her back. I mean, I knew he was going to try, he hadn't hidden that. But I should have warned Jace, or told Ari. I should have suspected that he could try to get her back in a less than honorable way. Instead I had tried to be loyal, and look where that got us.

Look what he'd done.

I'd never be able to shoulder the guilt of not warning them, if Jace didn't live.

 _AN: Phoenix's point of view is next. I really loved writing this chapter, I dunno, at the time I just really felt the sadness of my characters. Thanks for reading!_


	42. I Wait For You

No copyright infringement intended on Stephenie Meyer's work.

Chapter 40 - I Wait For You

PHOENIX

It was like climbing a million steps upwards towards the light, to suddenly be knocked backwards into the darkness by a huge wrecking ball. I was finally getting better, I was finally finding peace and now it was all gone. All my happiness had been uprooted, just like that flower Grammie talked about.

I knew I was right. Love dies as easily as it blossoms and grows.

I had been reading a book to Ruthie when I suddenly felt ill. I felt as though someone was sitting on my chest. I couldn't breathe. She had gotten scared and called for Momma and Daddy who came running from upstairs to check on me. I had just laid there, gasping for breath while they panicked. Then the phone rang and Momma cried out to Daddy, telling him that we needed to go to the Cullens' and not the hospital.

Jace had been hurt.

Jace had been hurt by Avery.

Although that was hours ago I still couldn't stop repeating that fact over and over in my head. Tears leaked from my eyes in a constant stream. My chest ached from Jace's pain and the pain of crying. Yet all I could think of was the fact that my ex had hurt my wolf.

We didn't know much, only what Carlisle had managed to tell us before he ran off to save Jace's life again.

His disappearance was a sign that the emptiness I felt was all too real.

As filled with agony as my body was, it was empty because Jace wasn't here. He wasn't standing next to me, asking me if I was okay, telling me he wanted a future with me. He wasn't here offering his support and devotion. He wasn't smiling or holding my hand. Instead he was fighting for his life.

Was he losing the battle right now?

Was he slipping away from me?

All I could do was cry because that's what it felt like.

It felt like he was never coming back.

Jace didn't deserve this. He deserved everything good and wonderful life had to offer him. He was so selfless and kind to my family, in spite of everything he had going on with his parents. He was a good person through and through and he didn't deserve to die now.

I clutched at my father's shirt, pressing my face into his chest, allowing him to cradle me like an infant in his arms. I sure felt like a baby, helpless and needy.

"It's going to be alright baby, we just have to have faith, Jace will fight, I know he will," he whispered.

I wanted to believe him so desperately but I didn't know how. My brain and my body refused to respond. The only thing that would reassure me would be to see Jace and hear his heart beat.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Carlisle came and told us that we could see Jace. His heart had gone into distress but they were able to stabilize him. Carlisle promised that he wouldn't leave Jace's side until he was better. Given that he didn't need to sleep, I could believe him and trust in him to be there. I needed this vampire to save Jace as many times as necessary so that my wolf could come back to me.

Embry wasted no time racing up the stairs and Momma suggested letting him have a few moments first before I took my turn.

A while later, I was called upstairs. Momma and Daddy took me up to the make-shift hospital room. For a moment I was shocked at all the equipment that the vampires had. Apparently it was something they had since Bella was pregnant, and just kept it through the years in case of emergencies with Nessie or the wolves. It was like a real hospital. Jace was on a bed, a bunch of tubes connected to his body giving him blood and fluids. A white sheet was draped over his torso. He was so still, it was like looking at a corpse.

I couldn't stop the giant sob that escaped my lips. "Shhh, Nix honey, you have to be strong for Jace now." I nodded, knowing my father was right. I couldn't fall apart, I needed to be there for him.

I walked up to his bedside and took Jace's hand. It was cold. His skin wasn't the usual warm cinnamon complexion. It was paler and sickly. His beautiful hair was a mess and I almost laughed, thinking that he'd be so pissed if he could see it right now. I reached over and pushed my fingers through his silky black locks, smoothing them down to lay flat around his face.

"Because you are his imprint, I think it would be best if you spent as much time here with Jace as possible Phoenix. Talk to him, touch him, let him know he has something to fight for." Carlisle suggested from his stance behind us.

"Of course, thank you Carlisle." Momma answered. Daddy gave her a look and she shook her head. "Ari can stay here with her Paul." It amazed me no end how she always knew how to read Daddy's facial expressions.

I cupped Jace's face with my hand, gently scratching at the stubble growing. I had never seen him with much facial hair and thought for a moment that he would actually be kinda sexy with a beard. I needed him to wake up so that I could tell him that.

"Jace," I whispered into his ear before I placed a soft kiss to his cold cheek. "Jace, please come back to me." A single tear escaped my eye and touched his skin. I cleared my throat and willed myself not to let anymore fall.

 _Be strong for him._

I wished with my whole heart that he'd open his eyes and smile at me. "Will he wake up Doctor Cullen?" I asked, needing some type of reassurance.

"We are hoping that he does my dear. He's stable right now, we're replacing the blood he lost, he's getting fluids, his body is healing itself. We have him heavily sedated so that he won't be in pain but in a couple days I will lower the dosage so that he can wake up on his own. We are positive about the outcome, but it takes time."

I nodded. If it was time he needed, then I would simply have to learn to be patient…

But my patience wore thin as two days passed and there was no sign of Jace waking up. His body was healing rapidly Carlisle said. They took him off of the ventilator this morning and so far he seemed to be breathing on his own without difficulty. His skin was also much warmer again and a little less pale. That had given me hope that he'd wake up, but so far, nothing.

I rarely left his bedside now, only when Uncle Embry came to visit, which was when I was forced to eat or bathe by Esme, Aunt Ness or my brother, and all I could usually manage were a few bites of fruit. If I got sleepy, I slept next to Jace. Ari and Emmett had moved his body a little to the left so that I could squeeze in next to him. They had become friends, spending the time downstairs gaming while I sat with Jace. I was glad that my brother had a distraction since he had been put on babysitting duty.

Carlisle allowed me to give Jace a sponge bath today, with the help of Rosalie. She was good at moving him so that I could reach his back and that kind of thing. I took my time with my ministrations, imagining that Jace could feel the touch of my hands and was internally thinking something naughty. I longed for him to wake up and flirt or throw me a cocky smile, but still he never budged. Carlisle encouraged me to be hands on throughout the entire process of caring for Jace, because he believed that even though his thoughts were silent, that he could still benefit from my presence.

It was after lunch and I was reading The Watchman's Time to Jace. I was curled up by his side, my new favorite place in the whole world. The door quietly opened and Edward stepped in. He was making his usual check to see if anything had changed with Jace. He promised that Jace wasn't braindead, but his mind was still just a swirl of dark colors with glimpses of pictures sometimes, like the forest or animals.

"It's a beautiful book, isn't it?" Edward asked quietly.

"Yes, heartbreaking but beautiful." I sighed, thinking that was exactly how my life was too.

"It will get better. If there is one thing I have learned in my existence, is to never doubt the power of love. He loves you and he will come back to you."

I nodded. "Thanks." I needed people to keep encouraging me like this, or I'd lose my hope and faith. I was so scared of losing Jace like I had Avery.

"Have you tried singing to him?" Edward asked. I shook my head. "Well, how about that? Music is very therapeutic, and it draws upon memory and sense. It could help bring him back."

I felt self-conscious doing it in front of the vampire. Edward chuckled and told me he'd be on the other side of the door, listening for any change in Jace's mind. I started to sing U2's 'With or Without You' as it was the first song Jace and I had ever sung together. Some of the lyrics seemed kind of fitting. I poured my heart out in song, which ended up with me turning into a blubbering mess and weeping all over Jace's sheet-covered chest.

"Please Jace, wake up, I can't live without you. PLEASE," I cried. Didn't he feel the pull of the imprint anymore? Tuari and Edward came into the room then, my brother pulling me into his scorching arms, holding me as I continued to lose myself in the pain. I didn't know how much longer I could do this. I would never leave Jace's side, but it was costing me my sanity. Not knowing the outcome was killing me slowly.

"No words yet, but the colors are moving faster and I think I saw a glimpse of the beach. We can assume that it stimulated him Phoenix. Keep at it, don't lose hope." The vampire ghosted out of the room leaving Ari and me alone.

"I agree with him, Jace loves you sis. He's not going to die, not when you finally accepted him. If it were me, I'd want Josie to never stop trying to bring me back."

I nodded and pushed myself away from my brother, straightening my clothes. "Okay, I know, No more tears."

I told myself that Edward was right, and so I'd keep singing, even if it made me hoarse.

Before he left me alone with Jace again my brother mentioned that Avery wanted to talk to me, to apologize and explain what happened. A venomous rage suddenly filled my body and I felt as if I would spit fire.

"Tell him I said to go fuck himself Ari. He should have never come back, and I want NOTHING to do with him. He should have stayed dead."

"Sure, I already told him that but this is even better," my brother threw me his goofy grin, kissed me on the forehead and left the room.

The nerve of that asshole! I rarely cursed but it was necessary in this situation. The vampires had been keeping Avery away from the main house. Technically, he was grounded, forced to stay in Bella's cottage. I had no idea what kind of punishment he'd get for this but Ari told me that the council had met to discuss it and a decision on his banishment had to be made. Everyone but Sam and Jacob wanted him gone.

I stretched my body out next to Jace again and wrapped my right arm around his upper body, relishing the independent rise and fall of his chest. "Could you believe the nerve of that prick?" I asked him, before thinking of another song to sing.

XXXX

I had fallen asleep against his body as the singing made me exhausted. A cool touch to my arm jolted me awake and I saw Leanne and Uncle Jacob standing there with the most sympathetic expressions.

"Hey, how are you doing?" She asked.

"I'm holding on," I said with a shrug, pushing myself up to sit. I looked over at Jace and saw that he still hadn't moved and my heart sank a little.

"I came to give you a message from Grammie," she said.

"What?" I asked, my heart instantly started to race in anticipation.

"She is calling you and Jace to the chanting ground. She said that she will ask the Spirits to bring him back to you."

I sighed with relief. I knew the medicine woman of our tribe would only do such a thing if it were extremely necessary. It was a very powerful ceremony, one I had only read about in school.

"When?"

"Two days. Mom needs to get everything ready before we can perform the ceremony."

"Thank you Leanne," I reached over and hugged my cousin, welcoming the hope that suddenly bloomed in the pit of my stomach.

"You're welcome. Don't worry. Grammie will fix this. Just trust in the Spirits okay?"

I nodded and smiled. "I will."

When she left the room Uncle Jake came over and wrapped me in his huge hot arms. "I'm sorry this had to happen, Nixie." He mumbled over my head. I nodded and sniffled, trying not to cry. He held me at arm's length and looked me over. "I'm very proud of you for taking care of him. The Cullens speak very highly of my god-daughter."

I smiled and nodded. "I'm trying, Uncle Jake."

"Look I know Jace and I never really hit it off. It's my fault because I never took much time to get to know him. Plus, him imprinting on you put me in such a weird position, knowing Avery was still alive and that he was hoping to be with you again. I should have talked to him, made sure he kept away from you and Jace. I should have expected him to behave irrationally."

"You shouldn't have helped him keep that secret Uncle Jake. We were really hurting. I was devastated. I honestly believed he had drowned, I blamed myself for carrying him down to the beach that night."

"I know baby girl, and I'm sorry, I truly am. I messed up big time, trust me, your parents have told me off a dzen times in the last two days. But we just thought it would have been better this way. I thought he would have been in better control of himself. He feels really sorry for hurting you by the way, but I forbid him from trying to see you."

"I think bloodlust and jealousy are two completely different things to control…and he's sorry he hurt me, but not Jace. I don't ever want to see him again Uncle J." I was so pissed that Avery had done this to me and Jace. He deserved no one's pity.

"I know, you're right to feel that way. I want to make it up to you both, you are part of my pack and the imprint is our most sacred bond. I will be there for the ceremony. I support you in this one hundred percent. I won't fail you both again. Okay?"

I nodded and accepted another hug from my god-father and chief. "Banish him from La Push if you want to make me feel better uncle J,"I murmured into his chest.

He sighed heavily and tightened his grip around me. "Don't worry, I promise everything's gonna be alright."


	43. The Chanting Ground

_AN: This chapter will make more sense when you read the next chapter from Jace's POV_

No copyright infringement intended on Stephenie Meyer's work

Chapter 41 – Chanting Ground

GRAMMIE REDBIRD

It took two days to make the preparations necessary for me to commune with the Spirits.

This would be one of my greatest requests to the ancestral spirits of my tribe. But I knew that my husband, Aunt Lucy, Billy and Sarah, Old Quil, Sue and Harry, Great Chief Taha Ahki and Ephraim would come when I called upon them.

This was their blood, our blood. Flesh of our flesh. These were the fruit of all our seeds, of our hard labor. These children were the manifestations of all our beliefs, our very heart and soul. They were the magic in our blood. I could not pass from this world knowing my little flower, my Phoenix, was in danger of losing her soul mate. I couldn't leave this world knowing that she was being hunted by a vampire.

That Uley bloodline was tainted. It was sad to say it, because my own grand-daughter Leanne had such blood running through her veins, but it was the truth. Look at what Joshua Uley did to her and my Jody. Look at the rift he caused between my own two children, who shared my womb. Clark and Jody had never been close again after Joshua left her with no money to raise a baby, pushing such a burden on my son's shoulders. Look at Sam and how power hungry he'd become. Now that tainted Uley blood was raising its ugly head in the youngest generation again, in that Avery boy.

That Uley blood was tainted and it was up to me to make sure that this wrong was corrected.

Jody, the dutiful daughter she was, made ready everything I needed – the candles, the smudge sticks, the incense, the clay paint, the crystals, the herbal and essential oil unction. She cleaned the space, she laid the mats, she collected the driftwood and river water in the old clay urns - she had made sure the chanting ground was ready to receive us.

Prideful as I am, I wanted to do it all myself, as I was the medicine woman of our tribe. But Jody had been helping me for years now and I had to trust that she knew what she was doing. One day, this would all be hers.

"Mama, you ready to go?"

I inclined my head in the direction of her voice, my sight the cloudy gaze of a woman who had seen it all in a lifetime that spanned over eight decades. "Do I look alright?" I asked, shifting slightly on the bed so that she could see me.

"You look just like you always do – wise and fierce."

I could hear the teasing pride in her tone and smiled. She helped me into the chair that would slowly carry me down the stairs. Oh how I hated that thing. All this New Age technology, the magic of a self-destructing world. Humph. Just thinking about it got me all hot and bothered.

Paul was there to drive us over to the chanting ground. Traditionally I would walk through the woods, gathering the strength of Mother Earth before any important healing task, but alas, I was no longer in control of these old limbs. Jody would do it instead.

With a quiet greeting, he picked me up and settled me into the wheelchair. I felt his body hover in front of me and held out my hand for him to take it. "All will be well, my son. Trust in them."

Paul kissed my hand and without a sound, walked around and grabbed the handles, pushing me to his car. Although he was a hot-head at times, I knew he would move heaven and earth for my girls, I knew I could count on him to look after my family when I was gone. The thought that I would never see my own son Clark again still pained my heart like it did the day he left and never came back - not to see his own daughter get married, or to meet any of the grandchildren his five offspring gave him.

Leanne was seated quietly beside me, but I could feel her nerves as though she were jumping up and down on the seat. I knew how hard this was for her – Jace and Avery were her nephews and Phoenix her second cousin. Leanne's devotion to both her brothers was being tested. In fact, the loyalties of the entire pack, phasing or not, was being tested. Sam and Embry would never be the same and it would only drive Paul and Sam further apart. None of them knew what dawn would bring for their families, for the Uley bloodline.

"How is she?" I asked as he drove us over.

"Carlisle has prescribed something to help her sleep better at night. She barely leaves his side, she just waits for him to wake up." I didn't like the idea of Phoenix taking those drugs, I could have easily gotten Jody to make her some tea, but it was too late for that now.

"And my Corrine?"

"She's trying to be strong Grammie, but she's scared."

I didn't like any of it, one bit. The vampire wouldn't win. I would make sure of it.

We reached the deer skin tent of the chanting ground and I could immediately feel the spiritual energy charging the air. It felt like coming home, it was peace and it was power. The holy wood and white sage sticks perfumed the air, opening my heart and mind to receive the guidance of the gods. Jody had done well, everything was as it should be.

Paul placed me on the mat in front of the small altar and Jody smudged me to purify my aura. As she handed me the clay pots I began to apply the clay concoctions and oils to my skin.

"The Spirits are waiting," she whispered in awe and reverence. This would be new for her, to experience the magic of our gift so potently. I was so proud of my daughter for developing the Sight. I never thought she would follow in my footsteps but her gift had blossomed suddenly ten years ago, bringing us closer.

"Yes, indeed they are." Their ethereal presence hung heavy in the air like a cloud of vapor.

I heard the shuffling feet of the pack as they brought Jace's body into the tent. I could make out the forms of Tuari, Quil, Paul and Embry as they laid his body on the mat specially prepared for him and Jody quickly covered him with one of our woven cloths. Jacob stood near the door, his alpha presence in the room hard to miss. As directed by Jody, Phoenix took her place by his side. She looked up and greeted me, which I returned with a blown kiss.

I 'd elt the calm yet powerful energy shift the moment Jace and Jacob entered the tent. The crackling heat that ensued was like the clash of two lightning bolts. "Smudge him now, don't waste a second," I commanded my daughter in tribal tongue. From now on, for the purpose of this ritual, we would only speak the language of our people.

We were all dressed in white, but Jody and I were also wearing our deer skin aprons and feathered crowns. Around my neck was the tooth of a whale and a vial of Ephraim's blood which only the medicine woman of the tribe could wear, just as only the alpha and chief carried the pouch of vampire ashes.

The wind howled and throttled the deer skin walls of our tent, signaling that it was time, that we had no time to waste. This boy was on a precipice, he had one foot in the grave, and I refused to let him fall into the darkness.

I began the low hum of the invoking chant, humbly asking the ancestors to enter our space and fill it with their glory. With each wail and intonation of my voice I explained to them our need – to defeat the one enemy this tribe has had to face for centuries. Jacob then Leanne joined in, adding their voices to my song of healing. Leanne always had the most beautiful voice. Even though I failed to show her in many ways, I had always been proud of her for being a Spirit Wolf. She had been chosen, a rare thing for the women of our tribe. She was special and I hoped that after today, she would know it.

The alpha's voice was deep and unsteady but it gradually grew stronger as Jacob finally accepted that this was his place, here. I could see it in his eyes as he turned to look at me, silently telling me that I had been right. I knew he didn't like the fact that I had scolded him and blamed him for Jace's accident; but now he seemed to consent to reason, to his role in all of this – letting a Uley sway his judgment. After today the Samuel Uley would no longer hold a position of power in this tribe. That much Jacob Black knew had to happen. He needed to accept that his family would always be strange and be a subject of gossip, he would have to be strong and overcome it so that he could be the chief this tribe needed.

Jody helped by rubbing Jace's body with the oils and clay, quietly whispering the traditional spells of cleansing as she went. She inserted a spoon of honey and bitter herbs into his mouth which would dissolve. She did it perfectly from what I could hear, given that my vision was not as dependable as it once was. Next she anointed the chief as he had come prepared in the traditional garb that had been worn by Ephraim Black many moons ago.

I told Phoenix to hold Jace's hands. We needed her now, we needed her bond to Jace to work its magic. We needed her energy to claim his, to reignite the spark of life in him. I had a feeling about the problem, but I couldn't be sure yet until I went into a trance.

Jody moved in a slow circle around the tent, sprinkling the moon water, while Corrine carried the burning holy wood and sage. I could feel the magic in our blood rising, filling the tent with divine strength and the forces of life and love. The women of my womb, of my blood were all here with me, each fulfilling their sacred duty to keep this family together and I felt the power of our love and unity moving through my vessels injecting my weary body with the will to see this through.

Sweat beaded my upper lip and brow, and trickled between my wrinkled breasts as I chanted without ceasing. I wouldn't stop until the Spirits showed me a sign; gave me the sight to break this curse of death. Leanne dutifully wiped my face, and offered a sip of the river water that had been blessed by the moon. I could feel the aura shifting in the room, the red and black colors that surrounded Jace were slowly changing, giving way to blue and purple. It was a good sign even though we still had some way to go.

I laid myself down on the mat and clasped my hands together while the others continued to chant, and let myself go. I took the journey of the Spirits. Everything around me fell away as I ascended to the Old Spirit Tree and found the one I was looking for…

….When I returned from my journey, the pulse of the room was too heavy for words. I felt the particular shift I had been waiting for, a sign that Jace was regaining consciousness. A slow fiery heat filled my body and a white light filled my mind, giving me the clear sight I could no longer access with my own eyes. I saw a raven flying above our tent, coming to rest in the trees. I could feel the spirit move within its body, I could feel the spirit walker return to his home.

I crawled over to young wolf and his imprint, and gripped both their hands in mine, closing my eyes and increasing the volume of my chants. Jacob inched forward and crouched beside me, knowing his place without having to be told. He quietly commanded Jace's wolf to show its strength.

It was time to bring the spirit home. Jody, Corrine and Leanne sat around us, joining in the singing while the other men stirred uncomfortably on the outskirts. As the vibrant energy of the Spirits danced around us, a sudden gust of wind filled the tent, bringing fresh cool air that instantly filled our lungs with the breath of life.

A pained, mournful howl ripped through the tent which caused Phoenix to cry out as if she were its echo.

He had returned.

Outside in the tree above, the bird took flight, no longer needed.

Embry crashed to his knees beside Corrine, running his hands through his son's hair as the sobs shook his body. I felt his joy and his pain, his guilt and regrets.

"Behold your son!" I cried in my native tongue.

I knew that the journey was complete.

At that moment, they rejoiced when Jace's eyes opened for the first time in four days.


	44. The Reunion

_AN: A HUGE THANK YOU to my reviewers! I am soooo happy you are enjoying the fic thus far! You made me smile_

 _Jace's account spans the four days he was unconscious and explains what happened when Grammie went into her trance._

No copyright infringement intended on Stephenie Meyer's work

Chapter 42 – The Reunion

JACE

The pain left my body and I felt myself rise high into the sky as if the bird had taken me upon its wings. We rose so high that La Push was just a maze of green tree tops below. I couldn't feel anything except the wind in my face.

"Where are we going?" I asked the bird, but it did not answer, instead it took me to this giant old tree. It was formidable, clearly it was hundreds, maybe even thousands of years old. Its trunk was so huge that it would take a few minutes just to walk the circumference.

The bird settled on a branch. I looked around us. We were high up off the ground but I could still make out the small animals scurrying along below. The sky was orange and gray, like a perfect sunset. I sat there for a while with the bird, resting. I had no desire to move from our perch. The air was sweet and the atmosphere charged with a lulling energy. I found myself dozing, at peace, content. There were no thoughts of anything, no troubles. I couldn't even remember what I had been worried about, why I had felt pain. I couldn't remember what had brought me here, and it didn't matter.

So I sat, and I did nothing. I rested and I found peace in the strange beautiful forest. Time meant nothing, I just felt peace.

XXXXXXX

"Well what do we have here?" A raspy voice called. I looked around but I could see nothing.

"Hello?" I said.

"Hello, little bird."

I cocked my head in confusion. "I am not a little bird."

"Oh you are not?"

"No! I am…I am…"

Wait, who was I again?

"You seem forgetful little bird."

I sighed, feeling indignant. "I am not forgetful. I just don't need to answer you. You won't even show yourself."

"No you don't need to answer and I don't need to show myself to you, it is all true."

"Okay, well, Good." I stared out into the red-orange sky and noticed that it still looked the same. Did the sun ever set? Did it rise and set again? Had I slept for so long? I couldn't remember.

"There is no time here in this forest. There are no sunrises and sunsets, this is all." The croaky old voice said again.

"What? Where am I?" I asked.

"You are in between. The Place in the Middle."

"The Middle of what?"

"There and There."

I frowned. "That doesn't make any sense."

"Oh but it does. Where did you come from little bird?"

I thought for a moment, but I wasn't sure. I decided to go with the most obvious answer. "The forest."

"Indeed. But you are a person, are you not?"

The question seemed to nudge something in my memory and the words felt true. "Yes, yes I am."

"You left something behind did you not?"

Again I felt like I should know that this was true, and I said, "Yes, I did. What was it?"

The raspy old voice chuckled. "Do you want to find out what it is?" It asked.

"Yes, I do, please tell me."

"You need to go back little bird, you have been here too long, much too long now. It is waiting for you."

"What is?"

"The thing you left behind."

"Why did I leave it behind?"

The voice didn't answer immediately, but eventually it said, "Because you wanted to live and be free of pain."

Again I felt as though this was true. "But when I go back, will I hurt again?"

"People always hurt, it is a fact of human life."

"So then why should I go back then?"

"Because, it is not time for you journey on beyond this world. And there are greater things than pain for you to feel, back where you belong."

"Home?" I asked, suddenly remembering the word.

"Yes."

"How do I get back then?"

"Follow your heart."

"I do not know how to do that."

"Of course you do, just listen to the voices that call to you. Your heart will guide you home."

I sat there on the branch, unsure of what the voice meant. I could hear no voices. And even if they called to me, what was my name?

"Spirit Walker, it is time. Little bird, you must go."

Spirit Walker? Was _that_ my name?

"Little bird, GO."

The bird's wings expanded and I felt myself being lifted from the branch too. We were soaring through the orange sky, the air was fragrant and seemed to enliven all my senses. I could hear singing, chanting in the distance.

"Go bird, take us to the singing," I commanded.

My heart suddenly felt light and filled with joy. Jubilance.

The voices were getting louder and I could feel the anticipation run through me.

I wanted to find what was lost, I wanted to know who sang.

I wanted to know my name. I wanted to be a person again.

The bird landed again on a branch. The perfume scent was strong now, it was everywhere. There was a small tent down below and I knew I had found what was lost again, it was down there, with the voices. A bright golden light suddenly burst through the trees, bidding me to come. I knew that I had to go.

"Goodbye little bird," I said, "Thank you."

Then I fell downwards and into the light.

XXXXXXX

The first thing I saw when I woke up was Phoenix hovering over me, her eyes wide and watery.

"Jace! Oh my God! Jace!" she cried, her small hands cupping the sides of my face before she pressed her warm lips against mine.

"Jace, son," Embry called from behind. He sounded both relieved and worried.

"Oh thank the Spirits!" another voice called. Corrie.

"Well it's about time," who could mistake the smug yet caring voice of Paul Lahote?

I could feel another heavy presence around me, filling the room. There was a sweet-smelling smoke perfuming the air. It was nice, it was soothing to me for some reason. It felt familiar.

I wanted to ask them what the matter was, why they were so worried. Had I been asleep? But I couldn't seem to form the words. My brain was foggy, like it was full of cobwebs. My mouth felt dry and tasted horrible. I felt as though I hadn't moved in days. My limbs were stiff and I couldn't seem to make my hands or feet work. I wanted to sit up and tell them to relax. My head hurt a little, and I just longed to take a huge gulp of fresh sea air.

"Get him some water," the raspy voice of Grammie Redbird came to me then. The voice sent a chill right through me. I had only met her yesterday, and she was kind but definitely intimidating. She smiled at me and nodded. "You're back with us young wolf."

I furrowed my brows, not understanding what she meant. Even the simple movement of my face felt good though, like I was regaining the use of my limbs.

"You were in a coma Jace," Phoenix said. "Not for long, a few days, but I was worried you wouldn't wake up," she croaked.

I was in a what?

"Here Jace," Corrie said. Phoenix took the cup from her mother and held it up. I felt myself being lifted so that I could sit. I greedily swallowed the cool liquid in one gulp and was thankfully offered another and another until I was satisfied. It was like taking an internal shower, I could feel the liquid refreshing my limbs.

I cleared my throat then. And looked around at everyone. They all seemed upset and happy at the same time. We were in some sort of tent. "What happened? Where are we?" I asked. It felt good to speak.

"We're at the chanting ground. The most sacred place in La Push" Jacob Black spoke, nodding slightly at me, his eyes actually seemed to show genuine concern for the first time ever. He was dressed in a deer skin kilt with a feathered headdress which made him even more intimidating than usual. Why the fuck were they dressed like this was a costume party?

"It was the best way to wake you up," Grammie answered.

"What happened?" I asked again.

"Avery attacked you Jace, he almost…killed you…Carlisle and Edward Cullen saved your life," Embry said.

My eyes grew wide and somehow I managed to push myself to stand. I tottered a little but Ari was there to hold me steady, gently squeezing my shoulders. I shook my head in denial. "No, I - when did this happen?" I couldn't remember anything beyond visiting the Redbird house with my imprint.

"Four, five days ago?" Phoenix answered, standing before me now. She seemed so fragile, so small. She had lost weight again. Her eyes were sunken and rimmed with dark circles. What had happened to her? Was this because of me?

I reached forward and pulled her into my chest, burying my nose deep into her hair. I inhaled her lavender -vanilla scent and allowed it to invigorate my senses. I wished everyone would just disappear so that we could be alone. We had lost four days together. She needed me. I felt her tears fall against my hot skin and shushed her softly. "I'm sorry, I'm here. I won't leave you again." She gripped me tighter with those words and nodded against my skin.

"Jace are you feeling okay now?" Leanne asked. I looked over at her and nodded but suddenly realized what would make me feel better.

"I could use a shower and some food though."

Everyone chuckled then and Corrie clapped her hands excitedly. "On it! Embry, get him home to freshen up and bring him by the house."

"Sure," my father nodded, then smiled at me, relieved.

Paul stepped forward and slapped me on the shoulder. "Good to have you back son. I thought I was going to have to spirit walk and kick your ass."

That's when it hit me. A memory, two words. Spirit Walker? Someone had called me that. A voice.

I looked over at the old woman who was still seated in front of an altar of bowls and burning incense.

Grammie nodded once and smiled. "Welcome home."

XXXX

Embry drove me, Phoenix and Leanne back to his place. They tried to fill in the gaps of the last few days I had been asleep. I still couldn't wrap my head around the fact that I'd practically died and had been saved by vampires.

"Where's Avery now?" I asked. Although I hated him more than ever, somehow vengeance wasn't on my mind. I felt too unsettled for bloodlust.

"He's at the Cullens, just isn't allowed to cross the border," Leanne answered.

"We're sure he'll go back to Alaska pretty soon though, so try not to worry. He won't bother you again."

I nodded and accepted the reassurance my father was trying to offer but I still couldn't shake the dis-ease from my gut. I'd left my imprint alone and had no idea about what I'd missed. Was she scared or hurt? "Did he hurt you or talk to you? Are you alright?" I asked Phoenix, who was tucked safely in my arms, limp with exhaustion.

"No I didn't see him, I told him never to come near me again. Ari's been my guard while I was with you at the Cullens."

"Good." I was relieved to hear that she'd at least had protection in my absence.

When we got home I grabbed an apple and headed straight for the shower. I reveled in the few minutes I had to myself which allowed me to freak out in privacy. I had fought with Avery, I had been in a coma, a ritual ceremony was performed to bring me back to consciousness? This was shit you saw in movies, this wasn't real life! Yet it was, it was MY life. I felt incredibly lucky and relieved to be okay. As the water beat down on my back I made a silent prayer thanking God for sparing my life. I had too much to lose, that much I knew.

PHOENIX

I couldn't bear to be parted from my wolf now that I had him back. I went with him, Embry and Leanne to Embry's house, where I waited in his room while Jace got ready to go to my house. He stepped into the bedroom, his broad cinnamon chest glistening with water, a gray towel wrapped around his waist. My breath caught in my throat and I took a mental picture of his perfection in that moment. I was struck by how desperate I was never to lose him again.

I had come so close.

I shivered as the memory of the last few days flooded my mind.

"Hey, don't cry, it's okay," Jace stooped in front of me, wiping tears from my cheeks. I hadn't even realized that they had started falling, I had been doing it so much recently I was numb to their presence.

I shook my head and wrung my hands. I had never answered his question earlier, and it was because I wasn't alright at all. I had been living in fear the last four days. "I- I just can't help but think about what happened. You were gone Jace, like, really gone."

My wolf grimaced and rose so he could sit next to me on the bed. He pulled us both against his pillows and I curled my body into his, just as I had been doing the last few days. Only this time, he made room for me so that we were perfectly aligned. It was such a reassuring action, he had no idea.

"I don't remember much to be honest. Everything is just kind of black. I don't remember fighting Avery. I just remember being with you at Grammie's."

That day my grandmother had warned us…she had warned us to be careful and to love one another.

"Edward said your mind was just colors, that you weren't dreaming Jace. Didn't you hear me talking to you? Reading? Singing?" I couldn't accept that it had all been in vain, that I hadn't been enough to save him. If it weren't for Grammie Jace would still be in that coma. I was sure of it.

I could feel him shaking his head. "I'm sorry baby. But thank you. Thank you for trying to bring me back. It means more to me than words can express. I love you Phoenix."

He said it without hesitation.

I looked up at his face. His gray eyes were looking down at me already. When they met mine a fiery tingle erupted all over my body. I could see and feel how much his words were true.

"I love you too." My heart hammered and I took a shaky breath, disbelieving that I had really said it. But I had, and I did. I really did. After being by his side for days, nursing him, praying for him, protecting him, I knew that it could only be love.

He had earned it many times over. I knew that now.

Jace's hand came up to cup my face and he brought his warm lips down to meet mine. The feeling that engulfed us at that moment was indescribable but I knew that I never wanted it to end. The kiss deepened and I found myself lying flat on my back and Jace hovering above me. I opened my legs and wrapped them around his waist so that he could press into my core.

I felt him. How much he wanted me, and became aroused. Without thinking I moaned into his mouth and ran my hands over his back, squeezing his hard ass, to press him closer. It felt so good, down there. I was tingling inside, a feeling that was all new. I was horny.

Jace's hand travelled to my breasts and gently massaged my nipples. His warmth caused them to immediately pebble between his fingers and he moaned before whispering that I was perfect. His hot lips travelled to my neck where he gently nibbled and sucked my skin before traveling to my collar bone. My hands found his hair and I scratched his scalp which made his back shiver and a small growl erupt from deep within his chest.

The moment Jace's mouth found my nipple through the fabric, my back arched and I found myself panting for air. My hips took on a beat of their own and I pushed them up to meet his amazingly large hard-on.

"Please, I need you," I moaned.

Jace stopped his ministrations to my body and stared me in the eye. "What?" he whispered, trying to catch his own breath.

"I want you to make love to me."

"You sure?"

I hadn't expected him to ask, and for a second I was tempted to laugh and say that I was kidding, but the way he made me feel, I knew that I wanted this. I didn't care that it was too soon, or that Daddy would skin him alive if he found out. After what Jace and I had been through, I couldn't imagine not binding myself to him in this way. It seemed absolutely, positively necessary. I knew where I belonged and I wanted to seal my place by his side forever.

I nodded, biting my lip nervously. I thought of the time I had bathed his still body, exploring his masculine swells and dips and I knew that I wanted to touch them now, to have him explore me in return.

Jace sat back, still staring at me. I could tell that he was deciding whether or not it was the right time. Then he shook his head and got up from the bed and my heart dropped. Was he really rejecting me? But as I was about to ask he turned and smiled at me, then locked the door. I smiled back, his happiness immediately filling my soul.

"Come here," he said, holding his hand out to me as he stood at the edge of the bed.

I got onto my knees and crawled over, never breaking eye contact. Jace leaned down and captured my lips with his once more. I felt his hands slide down my body then firmly cup my butt, giving a promising squeeze and simultaneously pressing me into him. His palms continued downward and started to gather the skirt of my white cotton dress til in one swift motion he was pulling it over my head and throwing it on the ground.

I immediately felt exposed as Jace let his eyes ravish my body. "You're so beautiful, I can't believe you're mine," he whispered.

I melted with his adoration and threw my arms around his neck so that he could kiss me again. I heard his towel drop to the floor as Jace lifted me with one hand and set me back against the pillows once more.

I held my breath when he entered me for the first time, the burning sensation almost made me back out but we had come this far, I couldn't stop now. Jace kissed me and moved slow to relieve me of some of the pressure. He held one of my legs higher which helped and after a few more strokes I was able to relax and allow my body to move with his on instinct.

"That's it baby," he groaned as our internal rhythms synchronized. "You feel so fucking good. I love you so much," he moaned, finding my mouth and swallowing my reply.

My mind felt free of all the worry and pain since he was hurt. It felt like my soul was lifted and joined with his, I didn't know where my body ended and his started. His hands and lips were everywhere and I took my time exploring him in kind, noting what movements made him come apart as he filled me with his love.

He took his time and brought me into a whole new world where there only existed him and me; us two as one.

I was no longer just his wolf's imprint.

Jace made me his woman.

 _AN: Yes I know it's a bit like when Paul and Corrie first "did it" but hey :) THEY DID IT! :) And no I won't be putting out any lemons for the rest of this fic, that's as close as we'll get._


	45. Responsibility

No copyright infringement intended on Stephenie Meyer's work

Chapter 43 – Responsibility

JOSIE

When Tuari told me about the chanting ground I was in awe of the fact that the Lahotes and Redbirds had participated in such a sacred and rare ceremony. I never knew anyone who had been on the chanting ground, it has always been off limits to the tribe except for the medicine woman and chief. Not even my father as acting chief had been there. For obvious reasons he had been shunned from this ceremony. Apparently Uncle Jake had asked him to stay away. I think Daddy was actually relieved.

I was happy that Jace was alright, he was still my cousin after all. But it was hard to be happy for them when my twin was suffering too. A decision was yet to be made, but Avery's banishment from the tribe seemed to be on the table. It was what Embry, Leanne, Corrie and Paul wanted and the pack seemed to be in agreement with that as well. Quil hadn't said otherwise, neither had Jacob. I knew my parents saw it as a betrayal and I knew that this would rip our families apart for a time to come.

But I didn't know how I felt about it all and it scared me because I was being pulled in two directions. I knew I had to stand with Ari and the pack but Avery was still my twin and I was expected to support him. But Avery had hurt Jace, he had practically killed him and then left him for dead. If the Cullens hadn't realized what was happening in the forest Jace would have certainly died. My brother was wrong and I was scared to voice my belief in that. Mom and Dad had missed him, they just wanted their son back, but they were not accepting the person, the creature, that Avery had become. They were making the same mistake I had made before this happened, they saw him as the same boy rather than as a blood-craving, vengeful vampire.

Maybe it was too soon for him to be back, maybe he needed time to get over Phoenix before he could be allowed near the pack. I just didn't know if this was enough, if hurting Jace was enough to stop him, if he would stop trying to get her back. If he tried to kill Jace once who was to say that he wouldn't try it again and again?

"Josie?" My mother called, interrupting my thoughts as I stared out of my bedroom window at the forest. I had been biting my nails too much, now my finger throbbed where the acrylic was finally giving way. I had never desecrated my perfect manicure before.

"Yes?" I turned to face her, to see her smiling happily with her handbag slung over her shoulder.

"We're off to see Avery, honey. Are you coming?"

It would be the first time Lissa saw her older brother.

"Mom, are you sure it's a good time for Lissa to meet Avery? Shouldn't we give it more time?"

Shouldn't we be concerned that she might be scared?

"Oh Josephine, stop worrying. Avery's been asking to see her, so has she. It doesn't make sense prolonging it, especially if the Council votes to make him leave Washington for good."

"We can always go to Alaska to visit, it's not like she can't see him when she's older."

Mom clucked her tongue and shook her head at me. "Do I need to remind you that this is your twin brother? Don't let Tuari fill your head with nonsense Josie. Your father won't stand for it."

"Ari isn't doing anything! But Jace is our family too, so is Uncle Embry, I just don't understand how you and Dad could be so cold to them. He hurt them really bad. Avery's not the same boy he used to be Mom, just because he's back doesn't mean that we should pretend that everything's the same or okay! Cause it's not! He hurt Jace on purpose and I don't doubt that he'll do it again!" I yelled. I had gotten so worked up that my body felt warm all over.

"You need to relax, you're going to make yourself sick," my mother warned, grimacing in a way that made her scarred face contorted.

Since Avery came back I'd been getting symptoms that worried us all. Dad was concerned that I would phase. I had been hiding it from Ari because I knew if he found out that he would stop me from going near the Cullens. He wouldn't want this for me either.

I honestly hoped that I wouldn't, I didn't want to become a wolf. I didn't want to lose my perfect body and start looking like a tom boy.

I didn't want my brother to become my enemy in the most real, most natural way imaginable.

But the truth was, that because I had started to change my outlook on everything, he already had.

XXXX

I went with my family to the Cullen residence to see my brother. The atmosphere was tense to say the least. I wished Tuari was there for me to feel safer or calmer, but he was at home with his family have a lunch to welcome Jace back to the land of the living. I tried not to be hurt that he didn't invite me over, he just said he'd come see me later. Since Avery came back, sometimes I felt like things were starting to unravel once again for him and I, but I knew that once I kept loving him he would never leave me. Because of the tension Avery's return was causing, I was trying to hold on harder than ever before and I knew that he could sense that in spite of the tension between our families. I knew the imprint would keep us together but I wanted him to want me just as much. I wanted him to need me like I had come to need him. I knew he did, but the insecurity was easy given our past. A part of me would always worry that he'd do something stupid again – that I would too.

When we got to the house Lissa instantly clammed up and attached herself to my side.

"No need to be scared honey, Sammy's here and he'll always protect you," Mom said rather smugly while pulling on my sister's dark curls, and throwing me a look that said she wanted me to watch my tongue. I fought the urge to roll my eyes and instead glared at my older brother. He shrugged and came to stand on my other side so that Lissa was sandwiched between us.

We went inside to the family room and took seats on the pristine white sofas. Just a few days ago I was here listening to Phoenix cry her heart out over Jace. I took a deep breath and tried to settle my thoughts. Only Avery and Carlisle would be here at this meeting so that my sister wouldn't be overwhelmed.

They entered the room at the same time, Avery's face burst into a bright smile when he saw his entire family waiting to see him. I tried not to notice how perfect he seemed to be, how charming and good looking, even though his skin color was permanently off.

"Mom, Dad," he said, coming over and hugging both our parents.

"How are you?" Mom asked while Dad squeezed his stony shoulder. I didn't miss the way his mouth twitched as he was reminded of how cold and hard his son's body was.

"Good, as good as can be." Avery shot both Sammy and I a look in greeting then lowered his eyes to greet our baby sister.

"Is that my little Lissy! Look at how big you got!" he chimed in his new velvet smooth voice.

I felt disgusted with myself. I now noticed everything about him that read "Predator." I now saw him as "The Other."

"Avery?" Lissa whimpered, burrowing herself backwards into my side as Avery stepped forward and stooped in front of us.

"It's okay Liss, it's Ave, he won't hurt you," Sammy cooed, smoothing her hair.

Lissa whimpered. "Mommy said you went to heaven. Are you an angel now?" she asked, in the most heartbreakingly innocent voice.

You could hear a pin drop with the heavy silence that engulfed the room. We all looked at each other, not knowing what to say.

"He became something different little one, but he's still your big brother, you can trust him," Carlisle offered.

Avery nodded, "It's me baby girl, I promise."

I caught Mom's eye and she silently pleaded for me to intervene with a jerk of her head. I knew that she wanted me to touch Avery and tell Lissa it was fine. Because we were twins she'd believe me, but I wouldn't do that. If my sister felt the need to stay back, I would never force or trick her. She was the only one with sense in this family, it seemed.

Dad came over and held my twin around his shoulders. "It's okay Lissa, we just wanted you to know that Avery is back, and that he'll always be a part of our family okay? Everything's okay now, we can all stop being sad. We don't have to miss him anymore."

I swallowed the bile that rose in my throat and turned away. I needed air. I quickly left the room and found my way back out into the driveway, taking huge gasps of breath. I felt warm and the vampire scent of the house was becoming noticeable to me for the first time.

"Are you okay?"

I jumped as I heard Avery's voice behind me. "Shit Ave! Don't do that!"

"Sorry."

I couldn't look him in the eye for long. I crossed my arms and moved away, needing the distance between us.

"What's wrong Jo? You're acting different."

"I'm not the one who is different, unless you consider my symptoms."

"What do you mean?"

"I might be phasing." I turned to face him then and saw his jaw drop.

"Shit, I'm sorry…I know…it would be my fault." I didn't offer a reply. "Are you angry with me?" he asked.

"Avery, why did you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Don't play coy with me baby brother. You know what I'm talking about. Why did you try to kill Jace?"

Avery grunted and ran his hand through his shoulder-length black hair. He was wearing a nice black button up with designer jeans. "Isn't it obvious why?"

"So you admit it?"

"He tried to kill me first, it was self-defense."

I shook my head. Yeah, it might have started out that way, but I didn't believe that in the end, that that was all it had been. I was always one to follow my gut, and my gut _and_ my twin intuition were telling me he had planned to commit murder. "You crushed his lungs, you broke all the bones in his abdomen and chest, don't lie to me. It might work on everybody else but I know you better than anyone Avery Uley."

"Believe whatever you want sis. He's fine now right? So it doesn't matter anymore, it was just a fight gone bad."

I scoffed, repulsed at his inability to show remorse. "Are you kidding me? You lost Phoenix forever, I hope you understand that now Avery."

"So I heard, your wolf delivered the message," he said dryly.

"She's his soul mate and she'll never forgive you."

"You don't know that!" my brother spat, his eyes seeming to darken with rage. I took a step back, trying not to feel afraid.

 _He won't hurt me._

"You don't know _anything!_ She loves me and we will be together. We will be happy together once she's free of him!"

I pulled myself up and took a deep breath. I needed to just say it: "She is his IMPRINT, so that pretty much makes it obvious Ave. And you almost killed her when you tried to kill him. Honestly Avery, if you ever really cared about Nix, leave her alone. She has made her choice, the Spirits have decided to whom she belongs."

He shook his head a few times and looked off into the distance. "Don't tell me what to do Jo. I love you, but you need to stay out of it. She didn't want to be with him, it's just the fucking imprint forcing her like some zombie."

"No, it's not! What you need to do is trust me that I'm right about this. You lost her but you didn't lose this family and that's what matters, isn't that why you came back? But Avery, you will lose me if you try to hurt them again. That's my best friend and my cousin, that's my wolf's sister and pack brother. Don't make me choose. I was stupid enough to try to help you before, I won't do it again. I betrayed them once and I can barely stomach the guilt."

"Haven't you already chosen? I can feel it, you think I'm a monster."

"Well if it quacks like a fucking duck!" I sassed, placing my hands on my hips.

That's when everything changed.

Avery flew into my face and grabbed me by the throat. "I AM NOT A MONSTER!" he roared. "But I can be if I don't get what I want. I won't allow ANYONE to get in my way Josephine! Not even YOU!"

The pressure of his fingers on my throat made breathing impossible as he dangled me in the air. I clawed at his hands with my manicured nails, trying my best to force him to release me but my stone-cold brother felt nothing. I begged him with my eyes as I felt the pressure in my head start to increase, but Avery just growled and stared at me with black eyes, watching me die slowly with satisfaction.

"AVERY! What are you doing!"

I didn't have time to break my fall when Avery dropped me to the gravel. The ripping sound of Sammy phasing to wolf caused a ripple to rush through me and I was suddenly overcome with a burning heat. I couldn't even focus on my brothers fighting across the yard, or my father and Carlisle pleading with them to stop.

All I could grasp was the pain that incapacitated me. I felt strange, sick to my stomach. I started to shake uncontrollably and for a moment my vision was tinted red.

As if absorbing the moods of my brothers, fury raged in the pit of my stomach, spreading to every limb of my body, igniting my blood. I felt the need to attack, to strike back at my twin for trying to suffocate me or snap my neck – whichever would have come first. He _was_ a monster, and he should pay for what he'd done. He should pay for all the people he'd hurt since Celine made him that way. Bloodlust surged through me and saliva pooled in my mouth before a low guttural sound escaped my lips.

"NO! Josie NO!" My father cried in disbelief and despair.

But he was too late.

With a blood-curdling scream I felt my flesh rip away and stand on four legs. I howled, euphoric in the power I now felt coursing through my veins. I felt strong, the pain didn't matter.

 _FUCK! JOSIE!_ Sammy cried in my head. It disoriented me for a minute but as I saw him take a blow from Avery I lunged into action. _NO Josie don't! He could hurt you! You don't know anything about fighting a vampire!_

And let him hurt you? No Sammy! He's not our brother anymore! Our brother is dead. Avery is a monster! He tried to kill Jace on purpose, it wasn't self-defense. He is going to try it again, he's going to try to take Phoenix away.

 _Are you sure?_

Sure enough. He's dangerous. Didn't you see what he did to me? He was actually going to let me die Sammy, I saw it in his eyes. Avery's lost it!

As if that changed something in him, Sammy lunged, this time with the intent to dismember our brother. I was shocked at first, but as Avery's arm went flying to the ground I realized that it was necessary. My brother's thoughts were filled only with his duty to protect his brothers, me and the imprints. It was like a ripple effect and everything Sammy felt, I felt it too, like we were one and the same, one heart and soul and mind.

We had to stop him.

It was right for us to do it and no one else.

Avery was our responsibility and we had to do what was best for him and the pack.

I blocked out all the voices that had appeared in my head.

I blocked out the screams of my father and mother as they tried to stop us.

I helped my brother tear my twin apart.

Avery screamed and cursed at us, threatening me and Sammy, promising that he'd bite us. "The treaty is broken now! I hope you know that! The Cullens won't let you get away with this!" he screamed. My older brother and I stood over him growling and foaming at the mouth. The wolves were in control of us now, all we saw before us was our enemy, not our flesh and blood.

"Sammy, Josephine! Please STOP!" It was the vampire doctor. At vamp speed he collected all the pieces of Avery strewn on the ground and made a neat pile, standing protectively in front of my twin who was still protesting and begging Carlisle to put him back together. Sammy and I backed away and were promptly scolded by all three of them.

"By the Spirits!" our mother cried, "What have you done?!"

I whined in response, feeling the guilt of hurting my mother like this.

"How could you!" Dad yelled.

Honestly, seeing my brother's dismembered body made me sick to my stomach. And as much as I knew they wanted me to feel remorse, I couldn't - not when I could still feel the grip of Avery's cold fingers around my neck.

 _AN: Bet you didn't see that coming! I threw this in the mix to deal with Avery's situation. I learned from my first fic not to drag things out so I found this better than making Avery and Jace clash again. Only about 5 chapters left so it's winding down now. Still more drama to come but not with Jace and Phoenix :)_


	46. A Life for a Life

_Sorry I've been super busy with work and had no time to post_

No copyright infringement intended on Stephenie Meyer's work

Chapter 44 -A Life for a Life

JACE

Imagine the fear you would feel when you have sex with your girlfriend for the first time and then take her back home to face her brother and father. Imagine your paranoia that her brother would rat you out when he realized that your scent was all over her in a new way, the way that indicated that you had made her yours.

Imagine that and triple the fear a million times and you got me.

Embry just smirked at me when I had finally emerged from my room and nervously asked Leanne to borrow some clothes from her room for Phoenix to change into. My aunt just smiled and went to retrieve them with no comment but Embry continued to smirk at me.

"What?" I asked, annoyed now.

"OH you're soooo dead, and this time Old Redbird can't save you, son." He laughed and shook his head before clapping me on the shoulders.

"Oh shut up Dad, she's gonna shower and change, no one has to know," I whined, confirming his suspicision.

"Right…and her coming home in different clothes won't clue them in?"

"She was dirty and tired from the ceremony, she couldn't wait til she got home, it makes sense," I countered. Fuck him for making me extra nervous now. I should just get in my car and drive out of La Push right now, but my aching, hangry stomach said otherwise. "You're not helping," I growled threateningly.

"Because you called me Dad, I'll stop. Don't worry, I got your back, your story sounds good enough to work on her mother at least."

I couldn't help but smile then. He was right, I had called him Dad. Suddenly I just needed the touch of my father and threw myself against his chest and held on tight. Embry wasted no time grabbing me back, squeezing me against his frame.

He was there for me, he loved me, and I needed him in my life. I never wanted to leave. Embry was a part of me now.

"Don't you ever scare me like that again Jace. I can't lose you, I love you," he whispered over my shoulder.

I nodded and stepped away, the man-hug moment now acceptably over. "I love you too, _Dad."_

"I made you a couple sandwiches, figured you needed the energy boost." He winked at me and I fake a lunged at him, which caused him to yelp and try to get away from me.

"You stink old wolf," I growled playfully. I would never live this day down.

"Me, stink? No, that would be Phoenix."

"Daaaad!" I whined loudly, causing him to laugh more.

I didn't need any reminders of that. I was so relieved that her father was no longer a wolf and wouldn't be able to smell his daughter for himself. I needed to talk to Ari before he said anything. I pulled out my phone and texted him:

P _lease don't rat me out. Don't ask, you'll soon know when I see you._

L _ol, whatever you say bro_ , came his reply. Tuari wasn't always an idiot, I was sure he would understand perfectly what I meant.

Phoenix and Leanne joined us not long after. My aunt simply smiled and grabbed her purse from the counter while Phoenix avoided looking my father in the eye as she clutched the bag that contained her dress. She looked cute in a simple long-sleeved blouse and jeans. They weren't the perfect fit but they'd work til we got her home. The plan was for her to escape to her room without being seen so that she could change again.

I wrapped my arm around her and kissed her on the temple. "Relax baby, it's going to be fine," I whispered. "Te amo."

She looked up at me and smiled shyly. "Me too."

We decided to take separate cars to the Lahote compound. I held her hand as I drove, basking in the euphoria of what we'd done, which made our bond only stronger. I felt everything about her now, as if I was wearing her skin. I asked her if she was alright or had any regrets and she assured me that she hadn't.

"I was surprised baby, I mean, it was pretty soon." Never in a million years would I have guessed that she would initiate sex.

"I know…" Phoenix whispered. "But I don't regret it Jace. I just needed you."

I nodded and stroked her skin with my thumb. "I needed you too. I just hope your father never finds out, or I'm dead."

She chuckled and shook her head. "He won't find out, promise."

I could only keep my fingers and toes double crossed.

When we got there we were lucky enough that the plan worked, she went straight upstairs to get changed. In the dining room, which I had never seen the family use before, was a spread of food that smelled so good that I just wanted to devour everything in sight. I was surprised Corrie could work so quickly, but saw that she had enlisted Claire and Kim to help. Jared and his kids were there now too and he welcomed me back and told me how happy they all were that I was okay now. It still felt weird that I couldn't remember anything, but maybe it was a good thing. I tried not to think about Avery and the fact that he deserved to really die.

When Phoenix came downstairs and entered the family room where I was lounging with Ruthie on my lap, I saw her brother visibly stiffen. He looked back and forth between us and I pushed his little sister off and held up my hands.

"Ari, bro, it wasn't my intention, it just happened okay?" I whispered.

"So this is what you meant huh?" he asked, his stance remaining stern and threatening.

"Yeah."

"Fuck," he sighed and slouched back into the sofa.

"You're not going to tell are you?" Phoenix asked as she sank on to my lap, replacing her little sister. I quickly wrapped my arms around her, noting the feel of her body against mine.

Tuari rubbed his face and then shook his head, his bulky frame shaking the chair with the action. "No, I'm not. Honestly, I fucking get it. I know what it feels like. You both needed it right?"

Phoenix and I nodded wordlessly and Tuari then mimicked our actions.

"Just wrap it up okay? I can't keep _that_ secret."

I reached over and gave him a fist pump, then Phoenix turned to kiss my lips. She was so warm and tasted so amazing, like honey. I just felt so full of love for her, even more than I ever thought imaginable. And she loved me back. I still couldn't believe she'd actually said those words to me.

"And try not to be so obvious guys, I mean, really?" he scoffed, shaking his head at our mushy PDA.

He had a point there. We were never this affectionate before. Phoenix shimmied onto the sofa and I settled for wrapping my arm around her shoulders. We looked at one another and giggled quietly. I was pretty sure that she was still trying to wrap her head around the fact that we had just seen each other naked. That we'd been so intimate.

I know I was. I couldn't get her perfect body out of my mind. Her round, ample breasts, the patch of velvet black hair between her thighs. God her body was so mouthwatering.

It was the BEST SEX of my life! And now that she wasn't a virgin anymore, it was only going to get better.

XXXX

But our feelings of joy and contentment were shattered after we ate. Miss Jody went up to check on Grammie, who had been too tired from the ceremony to stick around and chat. Tuari and I both heard her cry out and immediately bolted to the stairs. We could hear the stampede of feet behind us, Corrie, Paul, Leanne and Phoenix all asking us what was going on. But I couldn't answer, neither could he.

We met Jody at the doorframe, tears pouring down her face.

"What is it Auntie, please?" Corrie cried out.

"Mom, what happened?" Leanne asked, clutching her mother's hand.

"She's gone."

Pandemonium broke out as the women started crying and the men panicked.

I stayed by the doorframe, in total shock, watching as Phoenix, Corrie, Leanne, Ruthie and Jody sat around the lifeless figure, holding her hands and feet, crying. Tuari and Paul kneeled at the bedside, both teary-eyed and mournful. My heart broke.

It was because of the ceremony. I knew it in my heart. It had been too much for her old body.

It was because of me that she'd died. She had saved me and paid a price. A life for a life.

I knew it.

Bile rose in my stomach and I couldn't stand there and watch while my imprint's family fell apart. Their matriarch was gone. Guilt pushed me down the stairs and stormed past Jared, Embry and Kim who were trying to contain the children and also make calls to notify the tribe.

"Jace where are you going?" Embry called.

I shook my head. "I can't be here Dad, I can't. I did this, it was because of me she's dead."

"No, no Jace. It wasn't your fault. Martha was very old, she did her final duty to the tribe. This was her crowning moment to perform such a ceremony that hasn't been done in decades. She would not want you to blame yourself Jace." I shook my head in protest as the tears threatened to spill.

Quil came over and grabbed me by my neck, while Claire stood at his side. "You can't leave, Phoenix will need you."

"She will hate me," I sobbed, then ripped myself away from his grip. I opened the front door and ran out.

"Stop him Quil! Don't let him go!"

"No Embry, let him go, he needs to run this off, keeping him here would only get someone hurt. I'll talk sense into him later."

No one could stop me. I ran to the forest and shredded my clothes in mid-phase. I needed to run, although it wouldn't help me escape all the damage I'd caused.

I bolted through the woods, not even trying to have a sense of direction, I just ran. That's when a howl pierced the day and I felt a ripple move through my body. A sudden rage and determination filled me and I heard Sammy's thoughts. He was fighting Avery? I was so shocked I came to a screeching halt, almost ramming into a tree. For a moment I forgot about Grammie Redbird and just watched.

Vampire and wolf were going at it. I saw from Sammy's mind that Sam and Carlisle were there and that something was wrong with Josie. I picked myself up and started to run again, heading to the Cullen residence. She could get hurt, and I couldn't stand the thought of Avery hurting someone else. Quil phased in not long after and saw what I saw. We were both in shock when Josie phased to wolf and started tearing at Avery too.

 **HOLY SHIT!** Quil cried, but interestingly enough he didn't alpha order them to stop. I couldn't believe what I heard in their minds. They believed Avery was a threat, they were angry with him for what he did to me, Josie was concerned that he'd hurt Phoenix! She was angry that he had tried to choke her to death. I tried asking her what she was talking about but she didn't answer. Both of them ignored us and were just focused on Avery.

Quil released the warning howl and moments later Tuari joined us. He was a melancholy fog but when he heard his imprint's thoughts and realized why, his mind filled with rage and concern and disbelief.

How the fuck did this happen? He asked. She's a wolf? No! Not my girl? But I could read it in his mind that he had noticed her body changing, growing in some ways. He cursed himself for not realizing what was happening because he'd been distracted by everything going on with me and his sister.

 **It had to have been Avery's return with the Cullens, it must have triggered the gene. Sam told me he was worried but didn't seem to think that she'd actually phase. I guess he was wrong and I should have paid more attention to her myself. (Quil)**

The three of us continued to race to Forks each absorbed in a cloud of guilt. Doctor Cullen stopped the siblings from tearing Avery apart – rather belatedly in my opinion. Clearly neither he nor Quil disagreed with them for what they'd done, I was comforted to know that the adults were not planning to support Avery when he had practically murdered me. He was wrong, and he had this coming. It was punishment he deserved.

I was the first to reach and when I got there Avery's limbs were just a pile on the floor while Sam argued with Sammy over what he'd done. Josie was still a wolf. She was black with grey spots. I trotted over to her and nudged her flank.

 _You okay?_ I asked her.

Do I look okay? I'm a fucking wolf and my brother is an evil bloodsucker who tried to choke me to death. (Josie)

WHAT!? FUCK NO! I'm almost there baby! Tuari cried in our minds. I could feel Josie immediately relax as she finally focused on his voice in her head.

 _What happened Jose_? I asked. The suspense was killing me.

He was going to try to hurt you again, or take Phoenix. Honestly I'm not sure but he wouldn't listen and he got really angry with me for trying to talk sense into him. He almost killed me but Sammy stopped him. All I know is that my brother can't be trusted, he needs to leave Forks. Anyone who tries to stop him from having her is in danger. (Josie)

 **Well you did a good job dismembering him so he can't run. The Cullens will need to get him out of here.** (Quil) Our alpha skated into the driveway and phased, pulling on his shorts. Josie cringed and I told her she'd get used to it, to which she protested.

Tuari arrived soon after and ran straight to his imprint, licking her face with a million apologies. He felt guilty for not paying her enough attention recently. It was gross and touching at the same time. He told her that Grammie had died and they got lost in their own conversation. I wanted to phase out but I had no pants. Tuari offered me his since he had no plans on phasing back until Josie could. I phased and slipped the shorts on, and walked over to the heap that was Avery. I looked down at his head, fighting the urge to kick it as hard and as far as I could. He had almost killed me, I hated him with every ounce of blood in my body. I found it strange he didn't move and say something to piss me off. "What's wrong with him?" I asked Carlisle, who was standing guard over the body.

"He's gone into what we could call a type of suspended animation – a mixture of shock and being completely dismembered. When we are able to piece him back together and he feeds, he will regain his abilities."

I nodded, feeling very satisfied with that piece of information.

"Glad to see you are back to yourself now Jace," the vampire said kindly making me feel bad that I had forgotten my manners.

"Uh thanks for all that you did Doc, honestly I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you, I appreciate you."

Carlisle nodded and smiled, then told me a little about what had to be done to fix me. He praised Phoenix's devotion to me which made me blush and remember our time together in my bed earlier.

A car sped up the drive and the other vampires piled out, their stench assaulting my nose. Carlisle quickly talked with them, and I found it interesting that they seemed sad about what had happened. I guessed because he was their kind it was upsetting, but to me, no matter what he was, Avery deserved what he got. Jacob and his family pulled up in another vehicle and I watched with interest as his daughter Sarah started to cry over the heap of body parts. Nessie grabbed her by the shoulders and steered her inside, promising that Avery would be fine once they returned home.

I turned my attention to Sam and Quil who were now battling it out. Jacob sauntered over and immediately quieted both of them. "We have no choice now Sam. Too much has happened since he returned, none of it good. It is in the best interest of the pack and the tribe that he goes back to Alaska with the Cullens."

"What! No Jacob, NO. He's MY SON. I will NOT be parted from him again!"

"Then feel free to go to Alaska Sam, but I have made my decision, it's too risky for him to be here. Things have changed and Avery clearly can't cope with that."

"You talked to Corrie didn't you!" Sam spat, getting all up in Jacob's face. My ears immediately pricked up as I heard him mention my mother-in-law. Tuari growled behind me and Quil turned and ordered him to stand down. "You let her change your mind! What did she do? Dangle her tits in your face? Flirt like she always does? You could never say no to her!"

"WATCH IT SAM!" Jacob bellowed. "In case you forgot! Phoenix is my god-child and I will NOT have any vampire threatening her life or safety! I made a promise to her parents and Martha that I would protect her and I plan to uphold that vow."

"What about my family huh? Don't they mean anything? Why are we the ones who have to suffer? After ALL I've done for you while you ran off with Nessie?"

"Sam if you had been on the chanting ground you would have seen that you are not the only family suffering. They are suffering too because your son almost killed your nephew! Avery set off a chain of events that hurt a lot of people – Martha Redbird is dead now. She died because the ceremony was too much for her at this age – a ceremony we wouldn't have had to do if Jace hadn't been hurt. He spirit-walked to escape death, Sam. Avery had to have hurt him really bad for the wolf to trigger that in him."

Everyone turned to look at me, and I stepped back in shock. I spirit-walked? Like in the legend of Taha Akhi? I found myself bracing a tree for support as I let that bit of news sink in.

"Please don't do this Jake!" Emily cried in her husband's arms while Sam stood there seething at Jacob.

"Avery almost killed his own twin sister, if it wasn't serious Sammy and Josie wouldn't have dismembered him, he has to go," Quil added.

"No!" Emily wailed.

"I am sorry but I simply cannot risk him being here another day. The Cullens will be leaving as soon as they are packed and ready to go." Jacob added.

"No Jacob, you cannot take my son!"

"Sam, I assure you, you are welcome to make the journey with us, I will protect Avery. He is now my son as well," Carlisle offered kindly. What he got was a growl from Sam in response.

I couldn't help but smirk. Finally, Avery was being banned and I as well as Nix would be safe from that fucking psychopath.

"YOUR son? Then why didn't you stop them from hurting YOUR son!" Emily challenged.

"Because they would have ripped him apart too Emily! Dr. Cullen doesn't stupid! He needed backup!" Quil answered.

The vamp grimaced. "He's right but trust me when I say that I do I wish I could have been of more assistance to Avery."

"None of you care about my son! None of you!" Sam spat, staring at each man accusingly.

"He was wrong whether or not you want to admit it. Think about your other children Sam. Your own kids did this to their brother, doesn't that show you that there has to be something seriously wrong with this situation?" Jacob reasoned.

"There is nothing reasonable about what my son and daughter did. And trust me, I will deal with both of them."

Josie whined while Sammy stepped forward, his angry face a mirror of his father's. "What are you gonna do huh? He made Josie turn into a wolf Dad! He strangled her! He threatened our friends and our pack! We did our jobs! Would you have preferred if some other wolf had done it? Would you have been okay if he had killed her? We did it because we LOVE our brother. We love him enough to see the truth about what he has become and save him from himself. He was going to do something bad again. We had to stop it. So if you wanna come down on us for that then go ahead, but I will never regret what I did. It was the right thing to do."

I had never heard Sammy talk like that before, I could see his beta wolf coming out in his speech. Quil and Jacob both seemed proud.

"We will discuss this at home," Sam answered through clenched teeth.

"Nah, I don't think so. I'll be staying at the pack house for a while."

"I am your father Samuel, don't forget who you are speaking to!"

"I need to go take care of my sister. Carlisle, thanks for taking my brother to safety. I hope you can convince him to forget about coming back to La Push." My eyebrows shot up as Sammy turned and walked away, motioning for Josie and Ari to follow him. The she-wolf looked back with sad eyes at her father but Sam refused to acknowledge her. Emily called out to her children asking them to go home but they ignored her.

"Jace, you should phase and go with them to the compound, help her calm down," Jacob said to me. For once I didn't see annoyance in his eyes and I felt as though he and I would be on good terms from now on.

"You little shit! You're the reason all of this happened!" Sam barked at me, coming up in my face.

"I didn't do anything! Your son attacked me!" I stepped back, but not in fear.

"Oh really? You really want me to believe that you didn't start it?"

"I don't remember what happened that day Sam. But even if I did, I didn't hurt him nearly as bad as he hurt me, now did I?"

"I don't want to see you near my family, you understand me? You are NOT my family."

I gulped and nodded. "Fine with me."

Jacob and Quil started arguing with Sam again, talking about me and Embry but he wasn't hearing any of it. I turned and ran into the forest, phasing as I went.


	47. Goodbye Again

_Thank you for the reviews :) We are winding down now_

No copyright infringement intended on Stephenie Meyer's work.

Chapter 45 – Goodbye Again

PHOENIX

Grief.

My old friend had returned.

My great-grandmother had slipped away quietly and peacefully from this world. In her sleep she had joined the same Spirits she had called upon earlier at the chanting ground. I was forced once again to say goodbye to someone I deeply loved before I was ready to let them go.

And it wasn't just me. Poor Aunt Jody, Leanne and Momma were beside themselves with grief as well. We all knew that she was old but it was still a shock. None of us had expected death to just creep up and snag the jewel of the Redbird bloodline.

Even Daddy was visibly shaken. He had come to see Grammie as his own grandmother through the years. They had a special bond because he had never had a grandmotherly presence in his life, and she had lost a son, so they naturally filled a place in each other's lives. Aunt Jody had thrown herself into funeral arrangements, focusing on preparing the appropriate chants, herbs, incense and all the traditional ornaments that she would need to properly send Grammie off to the heavens. My Gram would be sent off on a pyre into the ocean. It was her request. Quileutes didn't subscribe to the old traditions nowadays, many chose to be buried instead.

Her body had been taken away and carried back to her house where Aunt Jody would prepare her with Momma and Leanne's help. Daddy wasted no time heading to the barn where he began working on the wooden pyre. And if that wasn't shock enough in itself, Josie was now a wolf and Tuari could barely split his time between helping Daddy and comforting her. She and Sammy were both staying at the pack house for the time being. I hadn't heard the full story yet but at the root of it all was Avery – who was banned permanently from La Push by Uncle Jake. I felt so relieved. It was one less thing I had to worry about.

It was good news in spite of what he did to his twin. I was sorry that Josie had to see what I'd been trying to tell her in this way. She didn't deserve to be a wolf either, I knew it was something she struggled with more than I, because of what happened to her mother's face. She was vain yes, but I mean, what girl would want to turn into a hairy beast? It really wasn't fair that she now had to deal with an animal living inside of her. The only consolation I figured she had was Ari. He'd get her through this and soon they could stop phasing together.

Aunt Nessie had come to the house to offer her help and condolences, and Momma suggested she help me order the flowers and the food for the huge wake we'd have for the entire tribe. My god-mother confided in me that her husband had decided to move back home, to take back the reins from Sam. He was basically ordering Sam to take some personal time to deal with his family issues – but I personally felt it should be on a permanent basis. She told me about how the two men had argued so badly that it almost came to blows.

"How do you feel about staying here now?" I asked.

"Well, it would be nice to be back in Washington where it's not so cold. The children prefer this weather and the boys need to be around the pack so that they can mature. But I know it will be hard for them not to be with our other family. Sarah especially is attached to my parents and Jasper and Rosalie. They indulge her ever wish and desire to learn so it will be hardest on her…plus there's Avery."

"What about Avery?" I asked, confused.

"Well, she feels a connection to him. I'm sure it's just a little crush, but she was very hurt when his siblings dismantled him the way they did."

"Doesn't she understand that he is dangerous? Aunt Ness, please don't let her get too close to him!" I panicked. She leaned over and squeezed my arm reassuringly while rubbing her huge pregnant belly with her other hand.

"Don't worry, that's also why her father is making us move here now. Jacob realizes he has a responsibility to care for many many people. This move allows him to do that much better." But the way she said it sounded sad so I had to ask her what was wrong. "Oh nothing, it's just that Sam and Emily said we were selfish and ungrateful, that Jacob had shirked his duties to the tribe and was cozying up to my family all these years while he did all the hard work. Which is only partially true, as Jake has always visited and tried to be here for important events. It was just hard to hear, and makes me wonder how many people truly resent him marrying me."

"Oh Aunt Ness! Don't say that, the pack loves you."

"Yes, that's the pack, but to the rest of the tribe I am a pale face. I am an outsider and the chief should have maintained the bloodline."

I felt sorry for her to feel that way. But I was just seventeen, I didn't know as much about the world as I pretended. Who knew why adults said the things they did to or about one another.

Suddenly her mood brightened and she grasped both sides of her stomach with a beaming smile.

"Can I feel?" I asked. She nodded and eagerly pressed my hand to her skin where I felt a continuous stream of ripples. I couldn't help but smile too, it was simply amazing. In the midst of death, there was life. "Does it hurt?" I asked.

"Sometimes, the bigger they get the less room they have. I'm pretty sure they fight each other for space."

I giggled, imagining two honey-skinned babies duking it out. "How much longer do you have?"

"A few weeks at the most. I will have to set up the nursery after the funeral just to be ready."

"I'd love to help?" I offered.

"That would be wonderful. Mom and I could use the extra hands. She and Dad will bring all my stuff down and help get us settled."

"Edward is a very nice person." I hadn't really spoken to Bella but I'd never forget what he'd done for Jace.

"He thinks the same of you too, Nix. He wishes you and Jace every happiness."

I smiled sadly then, thinking about my wolf and the little argument we had had earlier. We'd been bickering since Grammie died. He was always upset and adamant that it was his fault. I hated that he blamed himself. If anyone deserved to be blamed it was Avery. He was the one who had caused all of this.

"Everything okay?" Aunt Nessie asked, breaking me out of my thoughts.

"It's just Jace…he thinks it's his fault Grammie died. He thinks I will resent him. He's just being over-sensitive about everything, and won't listen to me."

"He's been through a lot in such a short space of time. I think you should just give it a few days to let him decompress. He almost died, his bond with you was threatened, he turned into a wolf, he met his father…it's a lot for one person to handle."

I nodded, feeling that it was true. I sighed and decided I didn't want to dwell on things any longer. We got back to our task and then rummaged around the fridge for something to eat.

XXXX

Later that night I couldn't take it anymore, I needed my wolf. I couldn't go to bed feeling like there was a rift between us. After convincing my parents to let me have at least two hours to check on Jace, I hopped in my Jeep and took my time driving over to Uncle Embry's house. He opened the door for me, asking about the family and I reassured him that everyone was doing the best they could. He said that Jace was asleep and that I could go in and see him.

I slipped into the bedroom. It was dark and I could hear his soft snores. I kicked off my shoes and dropped my purse next to them, and crawled into the bed. Jace instantly awoke and wrapped his arm around me, sandwiching me against his chest. I reached for his hand and wove our fingers together, absorbing his warmth that always comforted me.

So much had happened in such a short space of time. Aunt Nessie had been so right about that. I needed to decompress too. But I needed Jace more. And I needed him to be alright.

"You okay?" he mumbled.

"Not if you're not," I said.

Jace moaned and shifted his body, stretching his leg over mine to clamp me to the bed. He was too heavy so I wiggled a little til it was more comfortable.

"Let's not talk about that now okay babe?" he kissed me on the back of my neck and I trembled as a shiver ran down my spine. Jace moaned as he registered my response and kissed me again and again until he was on top of me and our lips found each other. I lightly traced his bare back with my finger tips, enjoying the way he groaned with arousal.

"Jace," I said breathlessly, tugging on his hair as he moved down my chest to my stomach. "Stop, I didn't come here for this."

He stiffened and sighed, before collapsing in his previous spot behind me. "What is it?" he asked miserably.

"Don't be upset. I just don't like the way you've been acting since Grammie died. It bothers me that you blame yourself."

"How could I NOT Nix? She gave her life for me."

"You don't know that. All we know is that she helped us stay together. And I don't think Grammie would ever regret that. She wouldn't want you to act like this, it's like throwing her gift back in her face, you didn't know her like I did, so just trust me, she's happy. She's with Grampie now."

Jace grunted and turned around so that he was now facing the wall. I turned too, and softly kissed his back while rubbing his warm skin. It was like silk but better, so smooth and smelled incredible.

"All my life I've wanted someone to put me first – someone besides Enid of course. I mean my Mom. I wanted some grand gesture that would prove to me that she loved me…I barely knew your grandmother and she did this for me. She gave me a second chance and I did nothing in return for her. It just doesn't feel right Nix. Jacob said that I spirit-walked, that the wolf pushed me out of my body so that I could live. I think your grandmother brought me back to my body in the ceremony. I dunno Nix… while I was sleeping just now I dreamt of a raven and I heard her voice telling me about something I'd left behind. I felt like I was flying and I heard singing, I heard you begging me to come back to you. It all felt so familiar."

He had remembered what happened to him. I breathed a sigh of relief then pressed my cheek into his back, tugging his body closer to mine. It sounded like Martha Redbird. She was skilled at accomplishing the impossible. I didn't know how my family could ever replace her. No, we never could because she would always be with us in Spirit. "I was calling you back to me, we were singing and chanting, but I didn't realize that was what we were doing. Grammie never said anything about you spirit walking."

We were both silent for a while, letting this new understanding settle between us. The weight of my great-grandmother's sacrifice filled my heart with both love and pain. "Do you think this was the thing she was talking about, that would separate us?" I whispered, scared to imagine that there still was something else lurking in the shadows.

Jace took a few moments before he exhaled heavily and said, "Yeah." He grasped my fingers and kissed them twice before hugging them to his chest. For both our sakes he had to be right, there was nothing bad waiting to happen anymore, there just couldn't be.

"Well, we just have to always remember what happened Jace, and let it guide us in our life together. We might not have had a chance to thank her properly while she was here, but we can thank her every day just by making this work. We have to stick together and never let anyone rip us apart again. Okay?"

Sometimes I didn't even recognize myself, whenever I realized how much my feelings for Jace had deepened in the last six weeks. I never would have thought that when he came to La Push, he'd be a part of me forever.

He flipped over and pressed his forehead to mine, wrapping me in the cocoon of his arms. "Okay."

Deep inside I felt a little blossom of hope appear.

XXXX

Grammie's farewell ceremony was beautiful. We had drummers, we sang songs to aid her on her journey and Jacob recited a few traditional prayers along with Aunt Jody who was now the new medicine woman of our tribe. The pack pushed her pyre into the water at sunset when the waters were calm. She was dressed in a beautiful linen dress with a flower garland in her long white hair which I had made with Destiny's help. More flowers from her garden were tucked around her body. As the pyre drifted out to sea Jacob took one of the museum's bow and arrows from the old warriors and launched the fire perfectly onto the pyre, setting Grammie's body aflame. Like Momma did with Daddy, I hid my face in Jace's chest, unable to watch the woman I loved so dearly be taken from this body to another.

At the community center we held a feast in her honor. We drank and ate and shared stories, people gave testimonies of how she helped them in various ways. Others quietly admitted they thought she was a witch and grew up scared of her. So many children had been born into this world and caught by Martha Redbird, it brought tears to my eyes seeing them wish her farewell as adults. We danced around a bonfire, we cried, we laughed. It was the most beautiful, soul-touching day, and it helped me and my family to say goodbye in a positive way.

Even Jace was in good spirits. He was constantly by my side, showing me the love and support I needed to get through everything. I knew that he needed me just as much and after our talk in his room he had been trying not to have such a dejected attitude about her death.

Late that night, Jace drove me and Ruthie back home to the compound. Momma and Daddy were obligated to stay until everyone left, but my poor sister was too tired. Josie and Ari had decided to go for a run together, and I knew that she'd probably make him feel better behind some bushes somewhere. Jace joked that they probably did it 'doggie style' and that totally grossed me out. I felt sorry for her and Sammy though, now that they were living at the pack house and refusing to speak to their parents because of their support of Avery over pack law. I couldn't help but feel guilty about all of it even though I knew I couldn't be with Avery. If I could have, the Uleys would be happy and altogether again. Jace had assured me that it was not my burden to carry, that Uncle Sam and Aunt Emily should know better.

Jace carried my sleeping sister to her room and tucked her into bed while I grabbed a hot shower. I felt all my worries and my sorrow wash away with my vanilla soap, at least for a little while the things that bothered me were no more. I pulled on a long cotton dress and brushed my wet hair back before stepping into my bedroom. Jace was standing there, leaning against the wall with his hands shoved into the front pockets of his jeans. The way he looked at me I could tell what he wanted, and in all honesty I wanted it too. But Daddy could be home at any moment and I wasn't sure it was right to risk getting caught. Technically Jace wasn't even supposed to be in my room with the adults gone.

"You're so beautiful," he said quietly, coming to stand in front of me, his large hands cupping the sides of my face so that he could monopolize my attention. I smiled and leaned into his strong body, wrapping my hands around his waist. I took a deep breath, just letting our bodies melt into one another. Nothing in the world felt better than being with Jace, than being his.

"Ready to sleep?" he murmured into my hair. I nodded my head, as his warmth had relaxed me so much that my eyelids were now too heavy to keep open. Jace slowly bent his knees and hoisted me into arms, gently settling me onto the mattress. He pulled my duvet out and brought it up, tucking me in like my father used to when I was a child. I caught one of his hands and twinned our palms, and just enjoyed the feel of his skin against mine.

"I'm so happy Grammie brought you back to me," I whispered.

Jace smiled and leaned over so that our eyes could devour one another. His lips then met mine and I moaned as he slowly sucked my bottom lip and teased my tongue with his before pulling away.

"I love you Jace," I whispered.

"Te amo, more than anything in the whole world." Jace gently kissed my forehead and stretched his body out beside mine on top of the covers. I loved when he spoke Spanish to me even though I wasn't anywhere near fluent, I still knew what he meant. I nestled my face in his chest and allowed the sleep to take me, knowing he'd be there until my parents got home.


	48. Overdue

_Yes the moment you've been waiting for! And this will also be the ending note of the fic coming full circle back to Jace and his mother. Just two more chapters and the epilogue_

No copyright infringement intended on Stephenie Meyer's work.

Chapter 46 - Overdue

JACE

The morning after the funeral I woke to my father violently shaking me.

"Jace!" he hissed.

"What? What's wrong, is Phoenix okay?" I sat up, scrubbing the sleep from my eyes. I was so tired after helping with all the funeral arrangements these last few days. Paul had enlisted the pack to help with the pyre and getting the community center ready. Between that and being there for Phoenix I needed at least another day to recover fully from the lack of sleep.

"She's fine I'm sure, but your mother's here."

I stiffened instantly, not sure I had heard him correctly. No I'd heard him, I just didn't want to believe him. "She's here?" Embry nodded with a grimace. "You okay?" I asked him, wondering how it was for him to see Mom after all these years.

"Don't ask," he grumbled, moving to open my bedroom door. "Just get dressed, she's waiting."

I got up and threw some clothes on, then went to the bathroom to freshen up my face. When I walked into the living room, sure enough Valerie Montgomery was seated, dressed in a sapphire blue pant suit, her hands neatly folded on her lap. Upon seeing me she stood up, her yes quickly checking me over.

"You've gotten even bigger Jace," she said in her usual calm and collected manner.

"Yeah, but it's been stable for a while."

"Well, that's good. Any bigger and you'd have to have everything custom made," she offered a smile which I returned. I guess that was her trying to make up for lost time or something.

I walked over and hugged my mother, feeling awkward. I could tell that she was uncomfortable too. We hadn't spoken in a while, since I'd hung up on her that evening at dinner in Port Angeles.

"How's everybody? Enid and Ty?"

"They're well, they both said to tell you they miss you. They want to know when you'll be back." I nodded, not knowing how to answer that. "You should have been back by now Jace, what's going on?"

I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. "Uh, I need to eat, can we go get breakfast at the diner?" I asked. Mom nodded and grabbed her handbag.

"Dad! We're going to the diner for a bit!" I yelled out. I wasn't surprised that Embry was making himself scarce. I knew he wanted me to talk to my mother first before the three of us sat down. I heard the tiniest wince behind me and turned to see my mother staring at me as if I had grown two heads. "You okay?" I asked and she quickly nodded, striding to the front door and letting herself out as if the house was on fire. I grabbed my car keys and wallet and met her next to my car. I saw a gleaming white Mercedes rental parked on the street. I guessed that after all these years she had never forgotten the way to Embry's house. I wondered though, how she knew that he still lived at home, and it occurred to me that maybe they had talked at some point.

A little while after I'd pulled out onto the street she turned to me and said, "So you're calling him Dad now?"

I shrugged and tried not to smile, feeling a little smug about the fact that she clearly hated this new development. "Well, that's what he is, my father."

"Don't be rude Jace."

"I'm not being rude, I'm being honest, and I don't see why you would get upset about it."

"Because Brendon is your father Jace, and it would hurt him a lot to hear you call Embry 'Dad' after only six weeks of living here!"

Who was she trying to fool here? Herself or me? "First thing, Brendon wouldn't give a shit about it, only if it were to threaten his public image which it never would because who the fuck cares? And two-" I held up my index finger so she couldn't interrupt. "Embry's been more of a father to me in a month than your husband ever was Mom. And I know it's hard to hear it, but it's the truth. I don't care what Brendon thinks, what anyone thinks. Embry's my father now, my only father."

"That is cruel Jace! And you know it! Brendon has done a lot for you over the years! He gave you his name!"

"I don't care about that! He never gave me his time and that would have mattered more to me Mom!"

She stared at me murderously as I made the final turn, then got out and slammed my car door after I'd pulled into the diner car park. I followed her brisk walk into the restaurant and we headed to the booth at the back. The place wasn't too empty but I hoped people wouldn't try to mind our business. Since it was only the day after the funeral I wasn't surprised when a few people stopped me to inquire on the Lahotes and myself. Apparently word had gotten out that I had been healed on the chanting ground.

"So you're just like a town regular now," Mom said as she glanced over the menu. I didn't know why she bothered, it wasn't as if she'd actually eat anything from this place.

"We had a big funeral yesterday, Corrie's grandmother died, so people just wanted to talk about that."

She froze and looked me in the eye. For a moment I actually saw a flicker of concern. "Grammie Redbird?"

I nodded. "Yeah, did you know her?"

"I met her once I think."

I nodded.

"So why are they asking you?"

My mother, the perceptive one.

"Because I'm dating Phoenix, Corrie's daughter."

Mom dropped the menu and glared at me, not even bothering to pretend anymore that she wasn't royally pissed at me. "You can NOT be serious right now Jace!" I sat back against the padded furniture and rose my eyebrows at her, just waiting for her to be done her little rant. "Corrie's daughter? Why would you do that? And they actually let you? So you're in a relationship? What sense does that make when you have to go back for school?"

"Yes we're in a relationship, and we will be for a very, very long time, Mom. I love her and I have no intentions of ever leaving her behind."

Mom's jaw dropped. "What the fuck does that mean?"

I snorted at her language and shook my head. "It means that I'm staying here for good. I've decided to go to university here in Washington. In fact, I want to wait a year til she's finished high school and we can go together." Phoenix hadn't heard my plan yet but I was sure that she'd be thrilled. Us not being separated was the most important factor.

"Jace!" Mom protested.

"I'm sorry, but I've made up my mind. I'll get a job, save some money and find the best engineering course."

"I won't pay for this, you hear me? Your tuition is already paid and the apartment is ready for you to move in! This was not what we agreed! You wanted to meet Embry, you met him, now it's time to go back home and resume your REAL life!"

"This IS my REAL life! And plans can change Mom. Yours did and you made your decisions without giving a fuck about what anyone else thought about them, so now it's my turn! I'll pay you back!"

She gasped as if I had slapped her or threw her against the wall again and for a moment I felt awful. I slammed my elbows on the table and ran my hands over my face and through my hair. For once I wished that she could be happy for me, and told her so.

"How can I be happy for you when you're basically leaving your family behind?"

"You did it to make yourself happy when you were a teenager, was it so long ago that you don't remember what it felt like? I need to do this Mom, I can't go back, I'm sorry but I just can't. I need to do this for me."

Her phone rang just then and I watched in disbelief as she answered it. I shook my head, what else did I really expect? I looked back and caught the waitress' eye and she came over with her pad and pencil. She looked at us both warily and I could tell that she had seen us arguing. I ordered two cups of black coffee with sugar and two breakfast plates. I needed to eat something or the wolf would threaten to emerge very soon. Quarrelling on an empty stomach was a sure recipe for disaster.

My mother hung up and set her phone on the table, and just looked me over. She sighed and shook her head. "I just knew that this would happen," she said.

"What?" I asked, not even really caring anymore. I was passed the melodrama.

"That he would poison your mind against me."

"Who Embry?" She nodded. "Mom no! He did not, in fact he tried to make excuses for you and your decision not to tell us about each other. Even though you broke his heart and stabbed him in the back he hates to hear me say anything against you, like he still loves you."

Her dark blue eyes widened for a moment before she looked out through the window. The waitress came then with the coffee and set the cups down in front of us. We both loaded them with sugar and took a few sips.

Mom set her mug down and wrapped her fingers around the warm ceramic. "I know it was wrong to do what I did Jace. A part of me has always regretted it. But you need to understand that I just couldn't sit there and watch Embry move on. I couldn't bring myself to just share custody with him and watch him love someone else more than he loved me. I couldn't let you choose them over me. And I knew that's what would have happened, cause whoever she was, would have been perfect and sweet, just like he deserved. I would have lost both of you. It hurt me so much not to tell him, it hurt to watch you grow up to be just like him. You have his smile, his hair, his skin, and then when you started growing bulky I just knew that I couldn't keep you a secret any longer, and I knew that he'd hate me, that you'd both hate me."

"Hate is a strong word. We don't hate you, just what you did. It wasn't the right decision for everyone, not even for you."

"And how would you know?" She snapped.

The waitress returned with my food and I waited until she left to continue the conversation. Mom eyed the plate of food apprehensively but I was shocked when she took up her fork and stabbed some eggs and ate them. I would have to order another plate it seemed.

"Because Dad loved you. He told me himself, he would have followed you to Cali and helped raised me. He would have never let his family go. He would have loved us both."

"But what about that other woman? The one he just HAD to keep himself available for?" she asked bitterly.

"It wasn't like that. And she wouldn't have mattered anymore." I knew it was a stretch to say that, but Embry would have stopped phasing to be with us, and that meant he wouldn't have imprinted. And I believed him when he said he loved Mom like she was his imprint.

I could see that she didn't want to believe me, but somehow I sensed that my words comforted her in some way. Maybe she needed to know that Embry would have made the right choice, although honestly, I couldn't see how she ever could have doubted that he would.

"He regrets the break up you know…he never got over you."

She slammed her fork down and glowered at me from across the table. "Jace just stop it okay? Stop putting words in your father's mouth! Embry had no backbone to fight for me. He let Sam and his friends keep him from committing to me and I will never forget that. You weren't there, you don't know what he was like back then, so stop trying to paint him as some kind of saint."

"I'm not trying to! I'm just telling you what I know! You were _both_ wrong, and you were _both_ cowards okay? No one is to blame more than the other! Whatever grudge you hold against him, it's time to let it go. It's eaten you alive, Mom. I can tell. It's the thing that has made you like this," I gestured to her. "This perfect, unfeeling shell of a person, and it's got to stop or you're going to drive not just me away, but Tyler too."

"So that's it, then. I'm the reason you're leaving?"

I shook my head. "I'm leaving because my life is here now." She sat back, the plate of food forgotten, and I was surprised to see her eyes swell with tears. "I don't want you to be upset Mom. I'm not leaving you. I'm going to be nineteen soon and it was going to happen that I'd move on with my life. We'll keep in contact, I'll bring Phoenix down to meet Enid and Ty. I'll still visit and call."

"You say that now but you'll be too busy to remember us, just like the last few weeks."

"Whatever you want to believe." I knew that the only thing that would make her happy was to hear me say that I was going back. I wasn't about to get the wolf agitated by taking her childish attitude to heart. There was no point. I focused on finishing my food and then pulled the second plate over and polished that one off too. I got up and motioned that we should leave. Mom put her phone away and followed me to the counter where she handed over the money before I could get my wallet out.

When we got back to the house I decided that I needed to go for a run before things got heated now that we weren't in public anymore. With Embry in the mix, tempers were sure to flare, especially since my mother had decided that she was the victim in all this. "I'll be back later," I told her, as she moved to the front door.

"What? Where are you going?"

"For a run, and to see Phoenix."

"Oh come on Jace, we need to talk, don't leave me here like this to visit your girlfriend."

"If you wanna talk, you gotta let me do this right now. I just need to let off some steam so that I won't act stupid okay? I'll be back soon I promise."

I turned and ran into the woods, not caring that she was calling me to come back.

When I got to the compound Josie, Sammy and Ari were in the backyard throwing around a football.

"Hey loser! What's up?" Josie said with a grin before tossing the ball my way. I caught it easily and threw it back. She looked casual and chill in a pair of short jeans and white vest. I had never seen her not perfectly made up. Phoenix had told me how hard it had been for Josie to give up her fake nails and jewelry. Lucky for me I wasn't big into wearing shit beside my earring, and it stayed put whenever I phased.

"My mom's here," I grumbled.

"OOO shit! You get into it?" Ari asked.

I shook my head then shrugged, "Not really, sorta…it's inevitable. She's pissed I'm staying."

"Yeah well, just do what you gotta do bro, sometimes you just have to not care," Sammy said, his voice laced with bitter anger.

I nodded and turned towards the house. When I went inside I could hear the Lahote women in the kitchen and made my way there. They all turned to smile at me and upon instinct I walked to my imprint and pulled her into my arms, burying my face in her hair. I just needed her scent to calm the wolf. When I didn't hurry to let her go they sensed that something was wrong.

Phoenix rubbed my back and patted. "What's wrong?"

I sighed and looked between her and Corrie. "Mom's here."

"Here here or in La Push?" Corrie asked.

"At Embry's."

"Oh Jace, did you talk to her yet?"

"Yeah, I told her I'm staying. She's upset."

"Do you need me to go back there with you?" Corrie asked.

And this was why I loved her like family. I shrugged and looked down at the floor, really not knowing what I wanted. I was glad that she knew now, but my mother wasn't accepting that things were different. She just wanted to focus on how this was upsetting her, she didn't care about me needing to be happy, did she really?

"I think we should go," Phoenix answered, holding my hand firmly in hers. "It'll be okay, Jace." She leaned over and kissed me on the lips, and I could practically feel her mother bursting with pride. I looked over and sure enough Corrie was grinning at the both of us, her hands clasped. At least she was happy and not still crying over her grandmother I guess.

"We'll finish up lunch for Ari and the others and then head back over, okay? Just call Embry and let him know."

"Or, maybe they can come over instead and eat with us."

I nodded at them both and took the phone Corrie handed to me.

JOSIE

Living as a wolf and being one of the guys was a nightmare. Most days I couldn't control my phasing properly. The slightest thing would piss me off and I'd find myself on four legs and covered in dog hair. Because of that they teased me relentlessly once Quil wasn't around. I hated it, I hated it all. And I missed manis and pedis, I missed wearing jewelry, and having long hair, I missed the soft curves of my body – although my new toned legs and arms were still pretty sexy. I just missed being me, I missed being a girl that was just a girl.

Tuari still worshipped the ground I walked on, now more so than ever. He never wanted the guys catching too much of my skin in between phasing and he was much more respectful of keeping his thoughts about me in check when part of the pack mind. We both loved the fact that we were practically living together. Technically I was staying at the pack house but I spent most nights with him as his parents had welcomed me into their home, no questions asked. They didn't try to hide the fact that they disapproved of my parents' behavior.

Apart from ruining my clothes and not being able to pamper myself I was getting on okay even though I missed my own room and my own parents and my mom's cooking. The Lahotes were a happy family, and they reminded me of what mine used to be, what mine hadn't been since Avery died and then returned as a vampire. And although I was grateful for their hospitality and stability, I resented them just a little bit for not being mine.

I tried not to think about how my twin had ruined everything. First he disappeared, then he returned and tried to kill our cousin. I really hated what he'd become and what he'd made me become in the process. I hated that he'd lost himself along the way. I missed him so much, the person he used to be, but I was done grieving because that part of him was really dead and I had already spent the last year making peace with that.

I just wished that in losing my twin, that I hadn't lost my parents as well. Mom and Dad came to the pack house to talk to Sammy and me, but it didn't go too well. I almost phased and destroyed the house. In the end they told us to use our bank accounts for whatever we needed for school, clothes and food. Matty and Lissa were going to stay at the Camerons' for a while so that Mom and Dad could go to Alaska and help Avery adjust. We were basically supposed to get ourselves ready for school and check in on our younger siblings once in a while.

"Will you stop sulking?" Tuari asked, pulled me tighter against his chest. After lunch we had abandoned football so that Sammy could spend time with Amber, and were now at the pool in his backyard. Darby was lying in the shade beside us, content to have us in human form I was sure. Every time she saw my wolf she freaked out.

"I can't help it."

"Stop thinking about Avery and your parents, you'll drive yourself mad and me too."

I pushed up so that I could glower right in his face. "I'm a wolf Tuari Lahote, I most certainly will NOT stop sulking or thinking about it."

Ari chuckled and risked a quick peck to my cheek. "You are but you don't have to be for long, we'll keep boxing and practicing those techniques Kim suggested for your tantrums; and before you know it, you'll be able to stop phasing babe."

"Tantrums? I'm not a kid!"

He gave me a look that said "Really?" and I sighed and put my head back down on his chest. I looked over and caught Darby giving me a look that said she agreed which made me roll my eyes. Great, now my dog was siding against me.

"It'll be alright Josie, I promise you. Just work the steps and one day this will all be a distant memory. It won't matter anymore cause we'll be at college, living together and we'll get married. Isn't that something to work for? Don't you want it?"

I nodded against his skin and found my anger subsiding at his soft tone of voice. "Yeah, you know I do."

"Well then you gotta stop dwelling on all the shit that happened and just focus on that, focus on us, our future. If you don't start trying to control the wolf we can never leave, babe. It'll take time for it to really stick."

I groaned and looked up at him. "I hate when you're right."

Ari flashed me his amazing smile, the one that always made my insides melt. "I know you do, that's why I have to rub it in your face."

"Hey!" I got up and swatted him around the head with a giggle before pulling him into a headlock. One of my new obsessions was trying to wrestle and beat him with my newfound wolf strength. I was determined to successfully pin him down.

"You're so predictable," he growled, grabbing me around the waist and forcing me to let him go. I thought he was going to tackle me in retaliation but instead Tuari pulled my face to his and kissed me softly, causing the wolf inside of me to stir with longing. This was not a fight for dominance, this was him showing me that we were equals.

"I love you Josephine Uley… always," he whispered against my lips after we finally broke apart. "I just want you to let yourself be happy again."

And in that moment I decided that it was a good thing that he was right.


	49. Mistakes and Regrets

No Copyright infringement intended on Stephenie Meyer's work.

Chapter 47 – Mistakes and Regrets

EMBRY

I still couldn't believe that Valerie was in my house, in my living room, that she was the mother of my only child, my son. She still looked as perfect and feisty as she did twenty years ago. She was still my girl underneath that armor she wore. I could see it in her eyes.

I decided to prepare some chicken primavera for lunch. I had a hankering for comfort food and I knew she'd appreciate that to potatoes and steak or whatever else was quicker. She was in the living room on the phone arguing with someone from work. I could hear the click of her heels as she paced back and forth and I just wanted to take that fucking phone away, hand her a beer, push those shoes off and tell her to "chill the fuck out." In fact, a good fuck was probably what she needed most.

 _Fuck Embry, don't think about THAT!_

The truth was that you could cut the sexual tension between us with a knife. If she thought I didn't notice the way she tried not to stare at me she was just kidding herself. She was still hot for me, just like I was still mad for her. It's like my body had a mind of its own. It didn't seem to care that she had betrayed me for the entire span of my son's existence. I still loved her in my own fucked up way, it was just like old times.

Why did things always have to be so fucking complicated for us? Why couldn't we just have gotten our shit together all those years ago? We belonged together, we still belonged to each other. No one on this earth could tell me it wasn't so. If Valerie still loved me, I'd forgive her for keeping our son a secret. I'd make peace with the past as long as she tried to be a better mother. And I knew that being with me would make her better, because she'd be happy. With me she was always better.

That person out there, high strung and still dependent on alcohol and pills, was not happy.

"What are you making?"

Her voice washed over my skin, making the hairs on my neck stand at attention. I turned just a fraction to look over my shoulder. "Chicken primavera."

She snorted and came closer, her heels clicking with every step. "Oh really? You, cooking Italian? You, cooking?"

The familiar tease in her tone made my dick twitch with need, a need for her and only her. She was the only woman I'd ever wanted, body and soul. I never cared that she was too fragile or dependent on me. I wanted that, because it made me feel like I had a purpose, like I was better than Joshua Uley who never gave a fuck about my mother or any of the three women he left high and dry. I was happier being her rock, her knight in shining armor. I had someone to show up for.

Fuck me if my son wasn't the exact same way with Paul's daughter because of my absence from his life and Valerie's and Brendon's inability to parent him. Like me, Jace had a stupid need to prove he was better than they were.

"You like to cook then?" She asked, and I realized that I had been too busy having psychological break-throughs and nostalgic feelings to answer her before.

I shrugged, "Yeah, and why not? The cooking channel is my wife."

Valerie chuckled. "This I gotta see."

"How about you pick up a knife and help me with the onion?"

"Then my hands will stink all day! And honestly Embry, you know I can't cook."

I shook my head. Still my princess. "Fine fine, at least grab us some beers."

She went over to the fridge and pulled two bottles out. "I'd prefer a glass of wine if you have it?"

"You can have wine with lunch, how about that?" I asked, throwing her a cocky smile to which she rolled her eyes, just like old times.

"Some things never change," she muttered, referring to my old habit of not letting her drink unless she ate properly. It was her own rule, I was just the one who enforced it.

She moved over to the kitchen table and took a seat. I could feel her eyes on my back. I tried not to react, I tried to keep my eyes on the chicken I was slicing, almost taking a whole chunk of a finger off.

"Why don't you have a wife?"

I stiffened and held my breath. I knew this was coming. I took a deep breath and resumed my task at the kitchen counter. "Because, after you left, I never met anyone I wanted to marry."

"I don't understand, I thought you had to marry a girl from the tribe or whatever?"

I closed my eyes for a second and tried to regroup. It always came down to the fact that I wanted to tell Val the truth but couldn't. Even now, I still couldn't even though she had a right to know that her son changed into a giant dog.

"I refused." I answered simply.

"Refused?"

"Yes, I decided not to marry if I didn't fall in love." It was the truth. I had met a few women who were perfect, who wanted to take care of me, but none of them I could give my heart to. And it was because of the woman asking me these difficult questions.

"Do you hate me Breezy?"

Her old nickname for me almost did me in. It was ridiculous, and no one else ever called me that; but it was her way of showing me that she cared and so I loved it when she said it. I dropped the knife and washed my hands, then turned to meet her eyes. "I hate what you did V, I honestly fucking hate it. He's my kid, I should have been his father, not some fucking…Brendon Montgomery."

Valerie winced and took a sip of the beer.

"Why did you do it Val? Why didn't you tell me you were pregnant? Could you honestly say you didn't think I would have been there for you? You know I loved you, so fucking much Val. I was always there, even when you were being stubborn or making life miserable, I was always there for you."

Tears filled her eyes then, but she blinked them back and took another sip. "I didn't want you to be with me because of a baby. I wanted you to choose me and not the tribe, I wanted you to choose me and not the baby. I didn't want to force you because I needed you yet again. I'm well aware that you constantly babysat me and kept me from falling apart Embry. It couldn't have been easy for you, and then the baby would have just made it worse. I thought it would have been too much."

"I was with you because I loved spending time with you, we had fun, I didn't see it like babysitting. And it was _our child together_ , that would have made me happy. I always wanted to be by your side no matter what, I'm sorry I made you feel unimportant. You were very important to me, I just didn't have the balls to stand up to Sam and the elders, and I regret that every day of my life."

She seemed shocked by my words. Maybe I had said to much, maybe I shouldn't have implied that I'd never gotten over her. That's why meeting Jace for the first time was so hard. All the mistakes that I'd made with Val came flooding back and I was forced to grieve and own the guilt of not trying hard enough to be with her. It was MY fault just as much as it was hers, that we'd never been a family.

All because of fucking imprinting.

"If I'm honest with myself you didn't make me feel unimportant, I was just resentful of everyone else in your life, of your mystery girl. I let my pride get in the way. I wanted you to willingly decide to start over with me, just like I had to start over without my family. You couldn't do that, and I couldn't compete with them for the rest of my life."

"I would have tried at some point, but at the time I couldn't." I was a wolf and I thought my whole life had to be about that… I wished I could explain that to her, but Val would never believe me.

My heart hurt, mirroring the look on her face. I could have done it, if it weren't for my shapeshifting and my duty to La Push. Back then Sam and the elders gave us no fucking choice but to do as they commanded. She was right after all, I kept putting the pack first. I'd let Sam tell me what to do for years until I'd finally had enough of being a wolf. By then it was too late, by then I knew that she'd probably already gotten married and had a family of her own, so I never tried to look for her. God, I wish I did. With a baby, Sam would have had no reason to keep us apart anymore…And Jace would have been happy.

I went over to her chair and knelt in front of her. "I'm sorry for making you feel like you had no choice, that you couldn't trust in me Val. I wish that I could have been a man for you and make my own decisions. I wish a lot of things, but I can't change the past. I can only ask you to just…let it go and stop punishing Jace for my mistakes."

Her eyes widened and then narrowed into slits at me. But I didn't expect her to slap me hard across the cheek. "How dare you!" she growled.

I got up and stepped away, leaning against the counter. "But it's true isn't it? He reminds you too much of me, right? And you can't handle it. You kept him at arm's length to make shit easier, but all you did was hurt our son, V. Can't you see that? You must know that's what you were doing? Punishing me through him?"

"You have no right to judge me!" she yelled, storming out to the living room where she grabbed her purse and made for the door.

I ran and stopped her from opening the door by standing in front of it. "It's not about judging! I'm just as much at fault as you are Valerie! But we need to talk about this, don't expect it to be sunshine and rainbows, you can't run from this anymore!"

"What do you want me to say Embry? Huh? You want me to say that I'm a bad mother?" She turned and walked over to the couch and threw her bag down again.

"I want you to admit that you need to fix things with Jace. He needs you, he needs you to care about him, to show him love and affection. He thinks you don't care about anything he wants, just what he does to keep the family image up. Doesn't that sound familiar to you? Doesn't that ring some sort of bell in your head? Honestly?"

I stood there waiting. Waiting for her to admit that she had become her father.

Valerie collapsed into the couch and covered her face. I was surprised to see that she was actually crying. I had almost convinced myself that she didn't see what was obvious to me. With a heavy sigh, I walked over to the couch and sat next to her, and pulled her into my arms, leaning back and tucking her into my chest so that she could be comfortable.

If she only knew that she'd almost lost her son forever without making things right with him, she would have never recovered. Thank the Spirits for Martha Redbird.

"Shhh, I'm here," I whispered while stroking her back and hair, something I missed doing. I used to do it every time she was upset and we'd lie in her bed and talk. She didn't smell the same to me and I hated that because it didn't match my memory of _my_ Valerie. "You know that I'm always here. No matter what, I understand you Val, I know what hurts you. I know I broke your heart by not making a real commitment to you. But you broke mine too by giving up on me when you should have come back and told me you were pregnant. Keeping him a secret wasn't right no matter how upset you were with me. He was miserable, he felt like he didn't belong anywhere, you should have seen that, you should have known that he needed to be with me, to understand who he was."

"I was so scared that he'd want to live here with you, without me. I just thought that if I gave him everything a kid could want, that he'd be happy and forget about it."

"He wanted you and he wanted me, that's all he's ever wanted V. _Stuff_ can't measure up to love. You know that better than anyone. I just don't understand why you didn't try harder to give Jace something better than what you had. You avoided the situation for twenty years and caused us all more unnecessary pain."

She curled up on the couch, bringing her legs to rest against mine as her head lay against my heart. I rubbed her shoulder to lessen the sting of my words.

"I tried Embry, but it was just easier to let work consume me. I didn't think I ever wanted children at all, because of the kind of childhood I had. I always knew I wouldn't be good at it, so I threw myself into my career and trusted Enid to take care of Jace. He loved her and I thought she was enough to make up for my short-comings."

"Why have him at all then? Why did you go through it alone if you knew it wasn't what you really wanted?"

"Because…he was yours…and I couldn't let you go. I couldn't not keep that part of you."

I took a deep breath and pulled her tighter to me. I understood. I loved Jace instantly because he was a part of the woman I loved too. That's why it hurt so fucking bad that the three of us weren't a family. I told her that.

Val looked up at me with those big watery blue eyes, deep and mysterious like the ocean. "I'm so sorry Breezy. I wish that I was stronger. I fool everyone in my life, making them think that I'm so strong and unshakeable when I'm not. I should have tried to be better on my own, for myself and for Jace, but I just felt so empty. I've been running from my responsibilities to him and myself for so long, I've made a mess of everything. Jace has every right to hate me. I've been horrible to him."

Fresh tears started and she fisted my shirt as she planted her face in my chest.

"I was happy to be your strength when you were weak Val. You know I never minded that. You didn't have to do it alone. You should have come back to me…" She was the imprint I never had. My wolf loved her. A venomous feeling flowed through my blood as I thought of all the times Sam had subdued my love for Valerie with his alpha orders. That son of a bitch. This was all his fault, and it was his son's fault that Jace had almost died. They were obsessed with imprinting. How could my own brother be such a source of pain for my family – the family I'd never had because of him? For so long I let him feed me that bull about pack duty, I drank the fucking Kool Aid. Now I couldn't help but hate him and hate myself for not fighting for what I wanted like Paul had, like Jake had.

"I know, I wish I had Embry, so many times I wanted to just pick up Jace and come back, but I was scared you'd hate me…"

"I hate what you did, but I could never hate you…I-" I took a deep sigh and stopped myself from saying those three little words. "Nothing matters as much as our son. He deserves to have two parents who love him _unconditionally,_ who support whatever decisions he makes for his future. You can't change the past, neither can I, as much as I wish I could, we can't go back. But we have to do better now okay? For all our sakes Val."

She nodded her head in agreement and we said nothing for a while.

I just sat there, holding the love of my life until I remembered the chicken that was going to go rancid if I didn't get up and finish cooking.

But I just needed to her hold her a little longer.

XXXXXXXXX

"Why _him?"_ I asked as we sat together eating lunch and sipping on white wine. Jace had called about meeting up but I told him that his mother and I needed more time to talk. He sounded relieved.

"Why did I marry Brendon?"

"Yes."

Why that fucker and not me?

Val sighed and took a huge gulp up wine, working up the nerve to answer me. "Because…He knew that I wasn't looking for love, just stability for my son…and he was looking for a family, for an image boost. Brendon was my friend for a long time, we had mutual friends in common and had met numerous times at their dinner parties. One night we got drunk and talked about everything…he knew about you and Jace and I guess he felt sorry for me. He figured we could help each other out. He would marry me and be Jace's father and I would help him rise to the top by being a supportive wife. All he wanted in exchange was a child of his own and for me never to speak of Washington again. I got pregnant on our honeymoon."

I stared at the glass of wine in my hand for a while, letting it all sink in. The alcohol was bitter on my tongue as I rejected the notion that any other man could provide what my son needed. "Why couldn't you speak of Washington again? Jace knew he wasn't his real father anyway."

How could she agree to never let Jace know about me?

"Because Brendon knew I still had strong feelings for you, and he made it clear that I couldn't embarrass him by leaving him for you, ever. He loves me, it wasn't just an arrangement…he just had to protect himself I guess, he didn't want me to break his heart."

I nodded. At least the asshole loved her. I decided not to think about the fact that she admitted to still loving me. That was years ago and she had just admitted to too much other shit that hurt. "But what happened with him and Jace? Jace says he's never around, that he doesn't play an active role in his life, or his brother's."

"Brendon got more success than he bargained for. He's constantly working. Like me, he loves his career. None of us knew that things would turn out this way Embry, it just did. But Brendon's a good man."

"So you're happy?"

Valerie took a bit of pasta and forced a smile at me while she ate. "Apart from Jace, things are fine."

Then it occurred to me. "You said he didn't want you to mention me or Washington again, does he know you're here?"

She gently laid her fork down and finished all her wine. "He thinks I'm at the New York office for a meeting. I'm only spending one night."

Our eyes met across the table and the sexual chemistry became a thin taut rubber-band between us, begging for someone to pluck the fuck out of it.

But it wouldn't be me. She was married and I wasn't about to make Val's life more difficult than it already was.

Fuck that, I wasn't about to screw myself over for nostalgia's sake.

I broke eye contact and reached for the bottle of wine, filling her glass back up.


	50. Forgiveness

_This is the last chapter. I know that it should be better but somehow more words just didnt come so forgive me. Thank you Jane I made the changes to the mon cher mistakes. Thank you all for reading and reviewing and enjoying To Whom I Belong! Epilogue to follow_

No copyright intended on Stephenie Meyer's work

Chapter 48 – Forgiveness

PHOENIX

I hated seeing Jace like this. I had seen him upset before, certainly, but this was different. He was practically vibrating with nervous energy. I was a little shocked to see how much his mother could upset him.

"Let's go down to First Beach," I suggested. "Since we've got some time before heading over to your father's let's just get out for a while."

Jace nodded and kissed me on the lips. I packed my beach bag with water, cookies and my huge sand mat and told Mom our plan. I drove us the short distance while Jace just stared out of the window, thinking. I wished I could read his mind like Edward Cullen. It would be better than trying to force him to talk, which he clearly didn't want to do. I just hated feeling so helpless. But I knew he just needed me next to him, that's why he was with me and not at home.

I parked and grabbed the bag, which Jace promptly took before wrapping his arm around my shoulders and drawing me close to his body as we walked down the sand. A few kids from school called out to us and I waved and greeted them, making small talk about the upcoming senior year. Jace kept quiet, not interested in conversation and after a few minutes my friends picked up on that and said good-bye. I caught a few curious glances being thrown our way and I could just tell that our relationship was a hot topic in teenage gossip circles. I smirked, thinking Bethany must be very annoyed. I was almost certain I'd seen her curly hair in the crowd but obviously she knew not to come over.

"Have you thought about what you're going to do until you get into college?" I asked as we settled on the mat.

Jace shrugged. "I'll find a job around the Rez, I'm gonna take a year off so we can go together."

"WHAT!" I screeched with a huge grin. "Jace that's great!" I jumped on his lap then planted a wet kiss on his mouth while giggling excitedly.

He gave me a sad smile and just stared at me, adjusting my legs to straddle his lap so we could look into each other's eyes. "I just don't want us to get separated, you know? It would be too hard. I'd never be able to focus on school if I'm worrying about you or missing you." He ran his fingers down my hair causing me to shiver.

I nodded, understanding what he meant. I'd miss him terribly too. "Me too."

"I love you baby, so much. You're the one good thing I've got going for me Nix."

"I love you too Jace. I hate seeing you like this, I wish I could make it better. But it WILL get better."

"You are helping, just by being with me."

I rolled my eyes but smiled at his cuteness. "You know what I mean, I wish I could fix things with you and your Mom."

He nodded and tightened his grip on my waist. "Don't worry about it. It is what it is. I just realized that she'll never accept me for who I am and I just gotta stop caring."

I grabbed his face and watched him sternly. "Don't give up yet Jace. She just doesn't understand the wolf thing. She was never allowed to understand with your Dad and now you. We'll find a way to get through to her. Or maybe Uncle Embry is right now. Just have a little faith okay? If I could get over the last year and move on, she can too. Just show her how happy you are now, let her see the good that has come out of it."

"And if she still doesn't accept it?" he grimaced.

"Then we'll just give her some time and try again. You have lots of patience Jace, you can do it."

"It's not even the wolf thing…she just doesn't want me here. She doesn't want me to be close to Embry or Corrie or you. She just wanted me to meet him and get it out of my system. Honestly, I think she wanted me to come here, hate him and then just go back to Cali. She didn't expect things to go so well."

I nodded. "That sucks." I wished I could understand that woman. Wanting to keep Jace and Embry apart was incredibly selfish. I wasn't so sure I'd even like her very much.

Jace groaned in frustration and I gently scraped his scalp with my fingertips. He growled and buried his face in my chest, inhaling my skin deeply. I immediately thought of when I lost my virginity to him and wished we could do it again. _That_ would certainly take his mind off things.

As if reading my mind he looked up at me again, lust shining in his eyes. "I miss you…I mean, I want you. I can't stop thinking about the other day."

I sighed, feeling the blush spread across my cheeks. "I know, me either."

"After my Mom leaves we can have a date night…go back to my place...Dad won't say anything."

I smiled and wrapped my arms around his neck before placing my lips against his, letting his warmth sink into my skin. That was just what I wanted to hear. We stretched out on the mat, Jace using the towel as a pillow and me using his chest as mine. We listened to the sounds of the ocean and our tribe and just basked in the love that seemed to vibrate between us.

I felt so content, more content than I ever had in my life. Jace was staying in La Push to be with me; we were happy and in love. A new season of our lives was starting and though we had suffered losses we were stronger together. I would never let his mother jeopardize everything we both had to fight for just to get to this point. Somehow, someway she'd have to see reason.

Our future was fated and we had so much to look forward to and I couldn't wait to experience it all with him.

JACE

Phoenix, Corrie and I went back to my house that evening just around sunset. Paul was away in Port Angeles in meetings until the next day, and Ruthie was having a sleep over at Jacob's place, which was the house he grew up in. I'd never seen it but Phoenix said it was really nice with all the renovations he'd made to it. Tuari, Sammy and their imprints were having a movie night. I would have preferred to do that than talk to my mother, but I had no choice, this was more important anyway.

When I got to the house I was surprised to see them both outside on the garden swing drinking wine and chatting. Mom had changed into a pair of jeans, boots and an off-white sweater. Her hair was down and her face flushed. I wasn't sure if it was the wine, the cool air or the man who was sitting next to her but she seemed relaxed and happy. It was a picture that burned my heart, seeing my parents sitting together, seeming to be getting along.

"Corrie," Mom breathed. She handed Embry her wine glass and got up, rubbing her hands against her thighs.

"Val," Corrie answered stiffly.

"Corr, don't be mad, I'm sorry," Mom gushed, and practically threw herself at my imprint's mother, folding her hands around her.

Corrie took a moment before she hugged her back, and I saw that it was Embry nodding at her which caused her to reciprocate. Phoenix looked over at me and smiled and I couldn't help but pull her into my side and kiss her.

The two women stepped back and regarded one another. "You look really good Corr," Mom said approvingly. "Your fashion sense now lives," she chuckled and I couldn't help but smile too. My mother, making jokes?

"Oh shut up," Corrie rolled her eyes, fighting a smile.

"I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother, I know how much you loved her."

Corrie's face immediately fell and she nodded. "Thank you. It hurts but I was lucky to have had her for so long."

My mother grasped Corrie's hands and looked her dead in the eye. "I missed you so much Corrie, you have no idea."

"Well it was your choice to shut me out Val, but I missed you too. You don't even know my children."

Mom nodded and sighed. "Trust me, there's not a day that goes by that I'm not filled with regrets."

"I just wish you had let me be there for you. This was not how things should have turned out. You could have been so much happier here with us, don't you know that?"

"I've still had a good life Corrie, it's not like I was poor and living on the streets or something."

Corrie nodded and glanced over at us. "This is my daughter Phoenix, she's Jace's girlfriend."

Phoenix stepped out from the comfort of my arms and held her hand out to my mother. Mom watched her from head to toe for a moment before she half-smiled and took her hand. "It's nice to meet you Mrs. Montgomery."

"Nice to meet you too Phoenix, please call me Val. Mrs. Montgomery is an annoying older woman I don't quite care for."

We all laughed a bit, and she was right. I was always thankful that we didn't have to see Brendon's mother regularly, only at Christmas mostly. I'd never really thought of her as "grandma." Mom turned to me then and smiled. I swear I'd never seen my mother smile so much, and I mean genuinely smile, not the face she made for her friends and colleagues.

"Jace honey, you okay?" She came to stand in front of me. I nodded and accepted the hug she offered. "She's beautiful, I'm happy for you," she whispered in my ear. I tightened my grip on her and without warning a well of tears came to my eyes and I couldn't stop them from falling. I tried not to cry in front of my Dad and these women but I couldn't. My mother was acting so differently, it was overwhelming.

"Let's give these two a minute, I've got some ice cream in the fridge?" Embry gestured to the house and looked expectantly at Phoenix and Corrie. They both glanced over at us before following him inside. Mom and I took the seats on the swing and it took a moment before anyone spoke.

"Jace I'm sorry I wasn't a good mother to you all these years. I'm sorry I ran from your father and convinced myself that it was a good decision. The only person I was thinking of was myself, and I shouldn't have done that. I should have told Embry. You might not believe this but there were times when you were little, I'd pack our stuff and book the flight and then chicken out. That's why I married Brendon. I thought that if I just stuck to the plan and made a good life for you in California that it wouldn't matter."

"But it did matter, I needed you to show me the truth Mom. I always knew that someone was missing from my life."

"I know Jace, and I'm sorry. You had every right to be upset with me and I will never forgive myself for being so selfish. I don't expect you to ever forgive me for hurting you for so many years."

"Mom, if you're really sorry, say you'll be happy for me. I meant what I said this morning. I'm happy here with the tribe and I want to stay and plan my future with Phoenix."

Mom nodded and sighed, looking off into the distance. "I support your decision Jace. I know that I can't stop you, you're a man now. I'll miss you, even if you don't believe it, I will."

"I'll come visit, I promise. And you can come visit too. You and Dad seem okay? Right?"

Her eyebrows raised for a moment and then she looked at her lap and rubbed her thighs nervously. "I can't come back Jace, your father – I mean, _Brendon_ , doesn't even know I'm here. I just came to see you, so that we could all get this settled and move forward."

"Why can't he know?" I asked, not understanding.

"Because of Embry…it's just not appropriate okay? It's best if he and I don't see each other again."

"You still care about him don't you? That's why?" It wasn't really a question. It was obvious she did. One look at the two of them and anyone could see they were attracted to one another. Embry was right, it was like she was his, and always had been.

Mom reached over and stroked my cheek. "It doesn't matter what I feel Jace. It's in the past now. We lead separate lives. All that matters is that we're both good parents to you from now on, Embry and I agree on that. And I promise you I will be a good Mom. I will call you and ask you how your day is going, I will take an interest in your dreams and goals Jace. You mean the world to me, you have no idea how much I wish I could go back to the day I found out I was pregnant with you. You deserved so much more than I ever gave you. You deserved more than Enid. Words can't describe how ashamed I am."

I nodded and sighed. It made me feel so good inside to hear her admit to her mistakes. "I'm sorry too, for being a dick to you. I'm really working on getting my anger under control, being here has helped a lot. I should have just tried to tell you how I felt instead of lashing out and doing stupid shit. I'm really sorry about what I did to Jon. I know I really fucked shit up for Brendon."

Mom sighed and rolled her eyes. "I swear, being around your father has not helped with that potty mouth of yours. Why do you both love to swear so much?" She playfully ruffled my hair and then froze. "Sorry. I know you hate when people touch 'The Hair.'" I couldn't help but laugh, and she did too. "Hey, don't worry about Tom Chaney and Brendon, they're big boys, they can handle themselves. Jon apparently is healing well though. He'll be back to normal very soon, even if his ego isn't," she smirked.

I nodded, relieved that I hadn't totally fucked him up. What if he couldn't play sports or some shit because of what I did? The guilt would eat at me alive.

"Just promise me you'll think before you act from now on. Not everything can be cleaned up with money."

"I know," I groaned, "I promise."

"Good."

We sat there for a while, her arm wrapped around mine, swinging as the moon rose in the sky.

"I love you Mom. I always have and I always will okay? I forgive you. Thank you for coming and being honest with me." I hugged my mother and felt like a weight had been lifted off my back. Even though she didn't go into much detail about the past, and I suspected it was because she somehow couldn't, just like Enid said; her admission to her wrong-doing was what I'd needed to finally begin to heal.

I was getting the life I'd always wanted. I had Mom, Dad, Phoenix and a whole pack of people who loved me.

I was forever in debt to Martha Redbird for helping me have a second shot at life.

I'd make the best of everything I now had.

Everything I'd ever wanted.


	51. Epilogue

_Oh it is so sad to post this epilogue. I was really hoping that I would have been inspired to write more chapters since some of you wonderful readers weren't ready for it to be over but alas the inspiration never came. Jace is no longer speaking to me lol. So this is it! I have posted the first chapter for a Blackwater fic I will be posting for that soon. I just been really busy these days hence why I took so long to bring you the last three instalments of this story. So you can follow that if you're interested. These days I've been binging on Harry Potter fics lol. olivieblake is a wonderful writer so check her out if you are into the Potterverse._

 _Thanks to my consistent reviewers - Guest, Erikaaah, cliffdiving101 and acouvion! You guys made my day several times I appreciate you taking the time to post a review. And of course I thank all the other reviewers too! Reviews are a wonderful thing for us writers!_

 _And so here you go...the Epilogue of To Whom I Belong. Would love to hear your thoughts!_

No copyright infringement intended on Stephenie Meyer's work.

Epilogue

Two years later…

JACE

"Te amo baby," I whispered as I nuzzled Phoenix's neck.

"I love you too Jace." She smiled up at me with those two-toned eyes and I felt my heart soar. Every time she said she loved me I felt complete.

"So what time are we meeting your parents at the restaurant again?" She asked, while we both individually soaped our bodies after another perfect round of hott fucking sex.

"Uh, seven-thirty I think."

"Oh okay, great, I can still get an hour of studying before it's time to get ready then."

I nodded. Yeah, I should probably study too…

Now that we were in college and living together, it was hard to concentrate on school half the time. Yes, we were living in Seattle, attending U-DUB and I was still alive. Corrie had put her foot down and vetoed Paul's vote on the arrangement, explaining to him that Phoenix was now an adult, and that we were no younger than they were when they got married and moved in together. It made no sense that we live apart anyway, we were both away from home, we were always going to be together and it was just safer for her to be with me. Paul of course threatened to cut off my dick any chance he got me alone (he was famous for surprise visits whenever he had work in Seattle which was AT LEAST once a week); but I kept it cool, I knew how to play my cards right. I promised him that I would always respect and cherish his daughter because she was the love of my life.

We weren't getting married anytime soon, neither of us felt it necessary to rush it, but we both wore something of the other. She wore a promise ring and traditional woven Quileute bracelet (that I had hell learning to make by the way) and I wore a bracelet that had her initials on it.

Although the work load was killing me I was enjoying engineering, and she was doing botany. Nix had decided that she wanted to carry on her great-grandmother's legacy and had this whole plan to study and conserve the medicinal wildlife in La Push. Jacob was on board for anything that preserved the Quileute culture and land and was very supportive of her studies. Phoenix was going to create a syllabus that was going to be incorporated into the Quileute school curriculum. She was also going to help me develop medicinal strains of cannabis, we were going to be a dynamic duo just like her parents. It was pretty fucking awesome especially when we were working on things that gave us ideas for our future farm slash grow house slash research lab.

The Blacks were still living on the Reservation and seemed to be quite happy. Jacob was doing great as chief and Nessie had opened up a few more local businesses which kept her busy along with their twin girls. Izzy and Rosy didn't seem to have accelerated growth like Sarah did and although they weren't normal toddlers, being super intelligent, the Blacks didn't need to hide them away. Their sons were going to school and excelling in sports and pack life. Sarah had moved up to Alaska to attend university and be near to Bella and Edward…and Avery. Apparently they were a thing now. Jacob hated it but would do nothing to take away his daughter's happiness. I was just glad that Avery had someone and was no longer convinced that he belonged with my girl. We never saw him again and it was our desire that we never would. It was just better this way, safer.

Quil and Claire had a little one now, another Quil Ateara. Sammy and Amber were shacked up too and seemed quite happy – Amber was pregnant with their first baby which was a really big deal for the new pack. Sammy never went back home to live with his parents after what happened with Avery. In fact, no one really got along with Sam and Emily like before, not even Embry. They still attended pack events but it was mostly for the sake of Lissa and Matthew.

In spite of that, Josie was doing great. She and Tuari lived in the apartment below us and we saw each other all the time between classes and on the weekends. But unlike us they had gotten married. Tuari was in school but was already almost done the prototype for his first video game. Leanne and Benjamin were married now as well, and they too lived in Seattle. We saw them occasionally, especially when my parents came up to visit. They'd be joining us for dinner tonight.

Yeah, my parents, as in Valerie and Embry Call.

Brendon died in a car crash a year and a half ago. Mom had been badly injured in the accident too but she'd survived. Dad and I flew down when Enid called me hysterical, late one night. Needless to say, Embry never left Mom's side again after that. It was their second chance, and they took it. They belonged together and we were all happy for them, especially because in about four months I'd be getting that little sister I'd always wanted.

With Jared's help, Dad had finally built his house and Enid, Mom and Tyler moved to La Push. Embry and Jacob ran their bike factory in addition to Dad's other interests; while Mom opened her own online magazine and employed a few young girls from Forks and La Push. Destiny Cameron was her personal assistant and teen liaison, and couldn't be happier as my mother was teaching her everything about being in the business. Josie had plans to join forces when she finished her design degree. Mom had an office building and everything. She was happy, truly happy, and so was Tyler. He loved La Push, and even though he missed his father, I knew that Embry was giving him more than Brendon ever gave us.

Ethan and I never rekindled our friendship, and basically all my ties to California broke as Washington became my home. Sometimes I missed him and the way we used to be, but then I'd think of all that I'd gained and the feeling would disappear. I could only hope that he, Malcolm, Tina, Maria and everyone else, would find their own path and be truly happy.

"Jace, quit stalling and get your books out and study!" My bossy, sexy soulmate slash roommate scolded me, prompting me to walk to the closet and fish around for something to put on.

"I _am_ babe, relax," I threw her a dazzling smile which she returned with a roll of her eyes. "Just was thinking..."

"About what?"

"About everything, us...the pack, the family...the last two and a half years since we met?"

Phoenix smiled knowingly, I was prone to these bouts of nostalgia.

"It was an amazing ride Jace. It still is."

"Yeah, I know...mind-blowing is more the word I would use though," I smirked, thinking about her naked body and the fact that it was all mine.

"Go study before I tell your parents you've been slacking," she threatened with a grin.

"Yeah yeah yeah," I rolled my eyes and chuckled as I pulled on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt and grabbed my homework from my bag.

Phoenix was sprawled on her stomach, her highlighter in hand and pencil caught between her teeth as she read one of her huge botany textbooks. On my way to the living room I stood in the doorway and smiled. Though I was no longer phasing, the feeling of the imprint never went away.

We belonged to each other, forever.


End file.
